A Conversation on Stroke Recovery - Guest: Donnie

In our first episode, we sit down with Donnie, a stroke survivor who shares his experience suffering a stroke and the physical, emotional, and mental journey that followed. From recognizing the warning signs to rebuilding his confidence during recovery, his story is a sobering reminder that every stroke is serious and healing looks different for everyone. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Active Ruby, a podcast built on real conversations, honest stories, and the moments that connect us all. I'm your host, Titan. Here you'll find connection, comfort, laughter, and good conversation. Every episode is a place to be seen and understood, a reminder that we are all walking through life together. Welcome to At the Root of It Podcast. I'm your host, Tiffany, and this month we are highlighting stroke survivors for Stroke Awareness Month in May. Today I have a special guest with me, my brother-in-law Donnie.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Hey, how y'all doing?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

I'm doing well. How are you doing? All right. Thanks for agreeing to speak with me today and share your story so that you can just let people know that there is hope and share what your experience was like dealing with stroke and during recovery. Can you walk me through the day of your stroke? What was happening, and how did you realize something was wrong?

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Well, the day of the stroke, actually, I noticed some difference in my speech on a Saturday. That Saturday, and uh my wife, Lisa, and I were about to go out, and I asked her to drive because I was feeling kind of lightheaded or something. So we she drove and we went on through the day, and that following that Sunday, I went to church, and uh that Monday I came in and I was talking to my brother on the phone, and he said, um, he noticed my speech was very off. And he said, That uh, are you alright? And I said, What are you talking about? I'm all right, I'm all right. He said, Are you having a stroke? And being the man that I am, I said, No, I'm not having a stroke. No, no, no, no, no. And then that next Tuesday, I took off and went to the hospital, and that's when I found out I was having a stroke.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

And when you said that next Tuesday, are we talking about the next day? The next day, okay, okay. The following day. Okay, so that next day was when you decided to go to the hospital. Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

I I noticed some, like I said, some some difference in my speech sincerity, but I went on because I just thought it was just normal. I didn't realize it was leading up to my stroke.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

So when you decided to go to the hospital, was it more because you realized your symptoms were continuing, or was it more because of your brother questioning whether or not you had had a stroke? Did you think there was any validity to an actual stroke in that moment as to why you went?

SPEAKER_01 2:49

No, I didn't. And um, I went to actually I told my wife, I told Lisa that I was gonna go to the and I drove myself to the doctor. And I went in and I was talking to the nurses at in the ER, and I was telling them my symptoms, and I said, I'm not having it. She said, from the sounds like you sound like you're having the stroke, but that's up to you if you want us to treat you or not. So I really yeah, and I said, Well, I would stay here and for the treatment. So then that's when they started going to they gave me a video with another doctor, and they did the treatment, and the other doctors were treating, they found out that's when I was having the stroke.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

I'm actually surprised that they would say that they were recognizing you were having symptoms of a stroke, but would only treat you if you wanted to be treated, just because you know, we know every minute counts with anybody who is experiencing a stroke. So time is really of the essence. So I'll ask when you heard them confirm that you were having a stroke or had had a stroke, when you heard the word stroke, what was going through your mind?

SPEAKER_01 4:03

No, that can't be right. I mean, and I think I'm just thinking, um, so what's the next step? What do we do? Well, where do we go from here? You know, as you know, I was in the hospital, I think about three days, and they ran tests and they needed to run tests, and uh, I had to go to more tests after that. But um, it was just running my mind, uh, that that can't be. Uh in which it I found out part of that cost, it was because my diabetes. And they said my doctor said that can probably could have triggered that. Okay. And um because my I'm a diabetic too. Okay. So um, and then my sugar levels are what it was all really off, and I wasn't taking care of myself and I wasn't taking my medication the way I was supposed to. So they said that contribute to the stroke.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

So this is 2026. So how long ago was it when you experienced your stroke? Two years.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

I had my stroke, yeah, I had it January 30th, 2024.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Okay. Okay. Um, what was your journey to recovery like? So you mentioned you were in the hospital for about three days. Um, actually, let's take a step back. Do you mind sharing the type of stroke that you had? Did they share that with you?

SPEAKER_01 5:27

They said it was a it was a front frontal lobe, I believe it was frontal lobe stroke. Uh it was um strokes are different uh for people. Mine was a milestroke, being that it was uh it still was a stroke, but it was a milestroke. Uh, because some people have a stroke in their bed and rhythm, some have a stroke where they uh they have problems walking in different limbs or uh it's it's a change in their body. My affected my speech. Um, I never studied until I have a stroke, and sometimes I can talk normally, and then sometimes my words get tied up. So, my most part I had to go to speech therapy okay for um I think they had me in speech therapy for about three months, I believe.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Three months, okay. Well, I remember that, but I I in the chain of events, it I don't think I remember it being that long, but three months, okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Yeah, I'm I'm I'm just thinking I'm thinking it back, but so I think it was about three months because I was out from work for six months, you know, because uh they say you couldn't drive for six months. Um so I took full advantage of the six months, but I was doing the speech therapy during that time, and I was able to start driving uh way before the six months, too.

unknown 7:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

I think I was starting driving about I want to say about two months into it. Because Joshua, my son Joshua, we he was one of my drivers, and he took me to the clinic where I had to do the test so I can see if I was able to drive. And I passed everything at one time. I didn't have to come back to anything. But they told me, even though I passed, don't drive right there. So to still give yourself some time.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Yes. So I know you mentioned about going to be clear to drive in that space. Did you find yourself more eager to get out and start driving again? Or was there some reluctance? Were you questioning maybe your motor skills and things like that? Was there any reluctance for you to drive?

SPEAKER_01 7:57

No, they're not for me because uh I didn't like anybody driving me around. Okay, I like, you know, uh when I didn't when I I wanted to go when I went to, and I wanted to go where I wanted to. If I wanted to make a right turn, and I told you make the right turn and you kept straight, better, okay. That was bothering me. So no, I was I was eager to get out and drive by myself. Okay, even I yeah, and I still was even, yeah, because I was driving back before I was going to uh while I was still going to speech. That's why I say it was about three months because I was on my way to a doctor's appointment. And uh I remember one of my managers was driving behind me and I didn't know. And they said, is that Donnie driving? He ain't supposed to be driving. And uh he told me where I was at and in that that was one time I was on one on my way to one of the doctors' visit then.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Okay, so you mentioned that uh your speech um rehab that you had to do for about three months. What was that journey actually like to recover your speech as well as you have it today?

SPEAKER_01 9:17

It was it was almost like you like you starting new with school because you had to say um they put words in front of you, you had to say the words, they put numbers in front of you, and you had to um identify them. Uh they put little uh uh I'm I'm gonna say like puzzles, but they were not really puzzled. Um, but you had to speak it, you had to speak, speak that the way they said, you know, and uh and that's when they took me off. Actually, I got off according to them earlier than I should have got off on the speech because they said um because I was concerned about going back to work, being able to talk. Because in my job, I talk a lot, every day, all day. And they were saying that I was doing so good on it that they didn't have a problem with me. Uh they wouldn't see a problem about being able to go to work and speak.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Okay, that's awesome. I was thinking as you were saying that, I was curious if there may have been any moments where as you were working on speech and the different word combinations they were giving you, if there may have been any moments in your mind where you thought or thought it sounded like you were sounding things correctly, and maybe they said, Oh no, you know, you need to go back and try that again, or just was everything just smooth from that assessment?

SPEAKER_01 10:53

It was not smooth. Okay, several times I'll say some and I thought it was uh it was fine. They said, No, we need to go back over there and uh say it, say it again and do it again, and then they have you. It was funny. I they even gave me homework. I had to come home and uh Lisa had to help me with my homework and my speech. Okay, because they they gave you a list of words, and we had to repeat the words over and over and over, and then form it in a sentence to. But I I thought I was fine, you know, but it wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

So yeah, that's interesting. And just you know, from my experience, you know, with strokes with my mom, I can remember there were certain things that she would get frustrated about at the time of her recovery, where she would think that at times she was saying or doing certain things in a way, and then we'd have to explain to her, no, you know, it actually wasn't clear, we have to try that again. And there was a little bit of frustration on her part because she couldn't understand why in in her mind it was like, why are you making me do this again? But we could clearly hear, hey, there's still an impairment here with the speech, or the motor skills may not be where they need to be. So we've got to try certain exercises again. So I was curious to know how that experience went for you with speech therapy.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Yeah, so yeah, it is it's difficult when you think you're doing in your mind, you you you say, I did it right in somebody's in the the therapist's mind. They was like, no, you didn't do it, but we're gonna keep on doing it, we're gonna keep on doing it. So, and it was like it's just like um you you teaching a person how to talk as a kid to that because it was so uh it was like things like say me, me, me, me, me, and and I'm like, do you know how old I am? And but it was to try to get me back to train, yeah, to the point where my speech was normal then. And like I say, it's still not normal. That's my biggest thing right now through through my stroke. Like I said, there are different types of stroke for people. And people uh it affects the people, a person's body differently. Uh so um, and I think the most part of the my mind was because the speech.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

During the time of your recovery, how did your support system of family and friends rally around you during that time?

SPEAKER_01 13:39

It was fair. I mean, it was uh um my son Joshua. Joshua, he is the he he was the uh one of the biggest supporters. Okay, he would come in there, check on me, uh, and see, hey, what you need, how you doing? Uh try to keep the other kids quiet. Daddy was in like this, and he's trying to, he was. Um, and so um, but the support was there. I wouldn't give up the support. But my thing was I'm so independent. You know, I was like, uh no, no, no, I can do this myself, and things I really couldn't do myself. That's how I was feeling because of my independence.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

That leads me to the next question I was wanting to know is if you ever struggled asking for help or accepting it. So you said you being independent, it was hard for you to let other people take the reins in certain scenarios. And so maybe if you can talk us through what that looked like from a perspective of um a husband and wife and even a father and children. You mentioned Lisa helping you with your homework and Joshua helping to navigate the other children to make sure that you had quiet time and can focus. So having to be able to ask for help and accept that help in each of those roles as a husband and as a father, what was that like?

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Difficult. And and like it was difficult because um but let me go back to the driving part. It was difficult because I had to rely on somebody to take me somewhere and get me back and forth from A to B. Uh and uh I didn't okay, if I didn't like you the way you was driving, it was difficult for me because I was so used to uh getting up and going by myself. Uh, if I wanted to go somewhere right then, I just got up and and I left. And I went by my my daily journey. Now, now here I'm in I have to wait on somebody to do it for me. And I'm I'm on their time. Okay, they say, well, I got to this first to do, uh, and then we'll do that. And so it was difficult. And I guess I can say that's the most part of it. Um the most challenging part, yeah, for me, because uh was so independent, and I can go and I can do when I wanted to. It's difficult when you have to rely on somebody else to do something for you. Okay, would nobody say when you've been so long uh been doing it for yourself, and then all of a sudden something, uh some type of illness that takes place. You can't uh you can't do your daily functions like you used to do, that's frustrating. Okay, uh some people like in the strokes, some of they can't even dress themselves. Right. Uh I didn't have that problem. My problem was uh getting around or or getting up to or to the point trying to get certain words out, and I couldn't get them out at first. Sometimes that's and sometimes that still happens, and that was very difficult for me. Uh, even sometime I remember I was talking one time to my mother, and uh I got uh uh stuttering, and she just got just get it out, just say what you want. I said, Mom, I'm trying to say it, but I say you gotta give me a minute. Sometime I had to take a minute to collect my thoughts because it was there what I wanted to say, but it wouldn't come out. Right. So that was difficult.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

So how has this experience with the stroke changed the way you see life or see yourself?

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Um well I always love life, but I think I came to appreciate it more when I guess with the stroke. I I just didn't I I know some people fear death, if I can put it that way, but I just is not a fear for me, because I think about a scripture in the Bible says to be absent from the body is to be depressing with the Lord. And I think of what Paul said in one in one of his settings, he said to live is Christ, and it is a gain to die. So I know uh I'm in a better place than here, but in letting me appreciate life and it gave me uh a more appreciation of family, you know, in times that you see how people really care for you, right? And then some of the stuff which you're going through, it can be frustrating for them too, as the caregiver, yeah. So it can be frustration for them too, because they're trying to help you, and you might not feel that you you're not helping me, but they are helping you, and that's what was all the whole family, my my family there, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

And your favorite sister-in-law dropped in and brought you some meals, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

And family they would call and check on me. Uh, some friends would bring food back and buy and just leave and and leave a love offering. So you know, it's always good to feel like you're appreciated, yeah. So uh you sometimes just feel appreciated is more than uh a gift, a monetary gift or any other gift. Just to know somebody is thinking about you, yeah, when you feel appreciated.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Well, looking back, is there anything that you wish you had known before your stroke?

SPEAKER_01 19:58

To take care of myself better. Okay, that's the main thing. Um uh trying to eat right. I mean, most of us are not healthy eaters, and that's because I chalk it up to the cares of life. We have busy lives. Uh you figure you maybe most people that they morning start probably. I'm gonna say about six, seven. You're getting up, you're running all day, you're working all day, then you come home, you're trying to spend a little time with the family, or watch some TV before you doze off to sleep, and then you start to cycle right back over again. And then we don't take care of ourselves like we're supposed to. Um, you're eating that, especially if you hey, I'm gonna grab something quick, especially in uh some in my line of work from what I do, sometimes I don't have that luxury to sit down and everything. Sometimes I just gotta grab it, you know. I didn't used to come home for lunch. I find myself coming home for lunch a little bit more often, creating some intentional habits there. Yeah, and then I come and I sit down and uh I try to take a breather. Um and because um before that, I mean it was it was work, work, work, word, go this and then this on the moment. The stroke it just gave me appreciation for life. So, and just take it one day at a time.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

It's awesome. So um, you talked about the habit of being able to take a break and take a breather that you have been intentional about coming home a lot of times during your lunch break so that you don't have to rush. But are there any other lifestyle changes or habits that have become important to you since having the stroke?

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Well, family was always important, especially my household. Sometimes I I can be difficult. I can be difficult and I can be stubborn. And sometimes you think, well, what I do. And everybody says, oh, you know what you did. And you're thinking, I didn't do anything. But so it's setting boundaries too. Okay. You know, you gotta set boundaries on everything, but it's it's a change, and so you gotta take a and and it's it's just taking different steps in life, you know. Uh how do I do this? How do I uh deal with boundaries, you know? So and that's very important, especially with your day-to-day life.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Now you mentioned that um some residual effects post-recovery that you still deal with issues with your speech from time to time, but overall, how are you doing these days, health-wise?

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Well, my last my last visit to my doctor, he said it was a complete turnaround. He said, You did 180 degrees. That's awesome. Since the stroke, I've lost about 50 pounds. Oh wow, that's great. So I've lost 50 pounds, and uh I can fit some clothes that I ain't been able to fit in years, and they too big on me. So my wife already told me, you just need to go buy some clothes, more clothes. And in my mind, I said, if I go buy some clothes, and I'm gonna gain that weight behind and I can't fit a new clothes, and I do not weigh the old clothes. So I just stick with the big sometimes some things to be a little uh be a little bigger on me, but that's just throw the bigger clothes out that way.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

You won't even be tempted to let the weight go back up.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

So it and it's just about maintaining it, and it's just sticking with the medication because uh some of the medication, um the blood pressure, it's it's it's a fact in it's a factor in the stroke too. And not only that, even in the dealing with the stroke, I think about a year later, because I wasn't doing my medication right, I had a heart attack. So uh and um we it was a funny thing, my wife and my brother, we were at the hospital with my mom, and I started, I started feeling really, really bad. And I thought it was the food that we had just ate. And I didn't I didn't like the way the food tastes. I said, Well, I thought it was the food, but my chest was really hurting. And they said, Well, well, you in the hospital, no, I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to go home. I would be my mind, I was like, I would be better if I just get home. Well, I got home and that next morning Lisa was rushing me back to the hospital, and that's when the heart attack came. And again, that was for because I got out, I wasn't taking no medication from the medication that I had when they gave me for the stroke.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

So in 2024, you were already dealing with some underlying health issues that may have caused the stroke to come on, and then a year later, you wound up having a heart attack in 2025. So 2026, doing well, and I I trust that you are taking the medication and doing everything you need to do at this point. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Yeah, I take my medication every day because uh between my my siblings and my older son, we had a meeting and uh they were trying to jump on me and my son saving me. He said, wait a minute, we don't need to be jumping on him because he's not taking the medication. I think Lisa was on that conversation too, in that conversation too. And uh he said, we don't need to jump in on him because he's not taking the medication. Uh we just need to start supporting him that he started getting taken. So I've actually been taking the medication the way I was supposed to. I don't like it. And I stopped taking it because one of one of the medications was uh was making me feel really bad. And uh one of the medications, because me and Caitlin, we I was having them and that that medication had me so dizzy. So me, Caitlin, my daughter, um, we were the only two here. So we got the medication and we got the pamphlet, and we start reading the thing. I shouldn't even have been on that type of medication because my diabetes. Oh wow. And that and that's I just stopped taking that completely. So I'm fine there. But yes, I just I realized I need to take the medication. But like I said, my last visit, my doctor told me, hey man, you did 160, 180 degree turnaround. What happened? I said, I start taking my medication like I was when I lost the weight, so that was a big thing. Because they told me they wanted me to get around to about 175. I said, man, you want me to be skinny, but I managed it to get to about 180, 185. So I'm good right there.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Well, I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better and that you were able to bring your weight down to a healthier weight and that you are taking your medication as you should. And with all that in mind, and as you think about just the future, what are some of your hopes and goals moving forward in all of this?

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Well, my main hope is to see Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

Yes, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

That's my main hope. That's my goal. So make heaven my home. Uh, but other than that, it's just to live life to the fullest. Uh, there's like a lot of things I would like to do right now, but uh say financially I can't do them right now. It's always tomorrow. You never know what's gonna happen. So but uh uh because I thought about retiring until uh I found out they wouldn't give you all your money until because they changed the law. So in which I still could do it, but it would it wouldn't be it wouldn't be what I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

I have to, I'm the kind of person maybe I have to be doing something.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Some people like they say people when they quit their jobs and something, and they go home and they don't they don't have to they they wither up and die. Uh I I'm just the kind of person I I've worked ever since I've been a teenager, 13, 14. I've always worked, and and it's just hard for me to sit, you know.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

I would have to be doing something, you know, you know, so any hobbies or anything on the horizon.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Like I said, I like to travel. I would like to travel more. One thing I do, I we do now, we have a men's trip every year. And when you say we have a men's trip, my buddy, my brother, okay, and two of my sons. The little one wants to go, but he can't go with us right now. Not quite big enough. Yeah, so uh I gotta plan a trip for just me and him or somehow, some some kind of thing. But we go on a trip and we add uh try to add more men into it. You know, it's just because you know, he's dealing with the cancer, and it actually it was an idea because he said his wife said, Oh, her and her girlfriends go on a trip. We don't do nothing. So we so we started and we are in uh fourth year now.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Well, that's awesome. Well, I think that's a great incentive to have something to look forward to from year to year. And you know, anybody listening to this can just take that as a takeaway. You don't have to wait until you may find yourself in a health crisis before you take advantage of living a full life. So there are lots of uh opportunities and experiences out there to be had. And uh yeah, I love that you guys are doing that and keeping up that tradition. And I'll just uh lastly ask what advice would you give to someone who has experienced a stroke and maybe going through recovery?

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Follow your doctor's orders. And if you feel some, if you feel the slightest symptom, uh you feel the slightest thing in your speech, uh because that's a part of it. Your speech starts slurring or something, hey, don't wait, just go. I mean, uh, a lot of people only go because of the the insurance or or the financial burden, but just go because you never know what, and they say they say if I'm if I make the mistake, they say that first 15 to 30 minutes is the most crucial time when you're having a stroke. They if they can catch it in that 15 to 30 minute window, you got a good chance of a recovery. So uh you know, you sometimes you just gotta follow your body. And your body can uh it can shut down on you when it's had a point where you can't take no more. So you just follow your symptoms that just happen, you think it's the slightest symptom, just go.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Thank you for that. Thank you for coming on to the podcast to share your story. As you know, we mentioned, we just want to be able to highlight stroke survivors to just let people know that there is hope and brings awareness during Stroke Awareness Month in May, so that people can stay on top of their health and learn from other people's experiences that they don't have to go through the same thing. Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

And one thing on before we close out, stress is a big part of causing the stroke too. Um, April is the month of awareness for stress.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

I did not do that.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

So um, and and I don't care what you say, all people you we get stressed. It could be you can be stressed about work, you can be stressed about your home life, you can be stressed about your marriage. If you find that, if you find yourself in a place that find somebody that you can uh talk to, that that's somebody somebody that can help you, uh not point a finger, but give you some some advice, advise you on some good counseling, you know. Sometimes you just need to talk to somebody, yeah. And you if you just can buy and and get somebody that just can listen to you, that will relieve a lot of stuff. So, but uh stress is a big part of it too.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Yeah, learning new habits and how to better care for our foddies. So I I love that. Oh well, thank you so much again for joining the podcast. Um maybe I'll have you on again when we get some other topics. Maybe, maybe you might be a recurring guest.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

No problem.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

All right. Well, thanks everybody for tuning in and we look forward to talking to you soon. If today's episode made you laugh, think feel sane or gave you a little hook along the way, we hope you continue to hold on to that and share with others who might need it. Don't forget to like and subscribe and connect with us on social media. Until next time, this is after we get a little bit of a little bit of a little