Bloodlines & Beginnings Pt. 2: Family Reactions

Sometimes the biggest family discoveries are closer to home than you ever imagined. 

Bloodlines & Beginnings Pt. 2: Family Reactions follows the emotional aftermath of a life-changing AncestryDNA discovery that completely reshaped one man's understanding of his biological roots. 

This episode shifts the spotlight to his daughters and granddaughter as they share their honest reactions to the revelation. 

Through heartfelt conversations, unexpected humor, and personal reflection, they explore how a single discovery can redefine identity, strengthen connections, and expand the meaning of family as they embrace an entirely new branch of their family tree. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to After River, a podcast built on real conversations, honest stories, and on its economics. I'm your host. Here you'll find connection, comfort, laughter, and good conversation. Every episode is a place of theme and understood. A reminder that we are all walking through life together. Welcome to At the Root of It Podcast. I'm your host, Tiffany. Get settled in as we jump into part two of a story called Bloodlines and Beginnings. I'm here with my sisters, Meredith and Lisa, and my niece Ashley. I thought it'd be fun to bring them along for the conversation so that they can share their perspective and experiences as we uncover the DNA discovery in our family. Before the DNA discovery, what did you know or believe about our family history? And who wants to start first, Meredith?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

I'll go ahead and start. Okay. Well, I believe that our new daddy's father, the one that we have known to be our grandfather, was not his biological father all along. We just never had proof of it. It was always suspected. So it wasn't a real surprise to me once I found out for sure that person was not his biological father.

SPEAKER_04 1:27

So you said that you've always known. So one, at what point did you know? And you said it was always suspected. Where did the suspicion come from, or where did that originate?

SPEAKER_00 1:39

When I say I've always known, I would say since I was a teenager. And the suspicion comes into play for the fact that to me, he never looked like the rest of the family. Okay. And the build, um, facial expressions, mannerisms, everything seemed completely opposite of what our other relatives seemed to exhibit. So I always felt like he has to have a different father, and it was kind of a relief after all these years to find out it was true, and that what I suspected previously was validated. Anyone else want to chime in?

SPEAKER_03 2:23

Well, I guess I would be great-granddaughter. Yes. Okay. So for me, I don't think I met him, or if I did, I cannot remember meeting him. But I do recall growing up never hearing my grandfather have any nice thing to say about his father when he was growing up. And even when he was grown and married and having a family, he never had a pleasant story to tell about his father. It never made me wonder was he his biological son, but it just was a thing like, man, I don't think I've ever heard anything good about this man, my great-grandfather. It wasn't until I was way older that I even had the thought that he wasn't my grandfather's biological father.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

And that was based on not hearing positive stories about him. And after you think about those stories over time, you had the thought, I wonder if that was really his father.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Yes, because there was such a detachment between a father and a son. Um even my grandfather's brother, his baby brother, seemed to have a different perspective of their father. Okay. And then over time, I would hear the families bringing up the different features between my grandfather and his siblings that because for me being a kid growing up, my family was my family. I have no reason to think anything else. And as a kid, I wasn't looking for features. I'm just like, this is my great aunt, this is my great uncle, and this is just this is my family. But it wasn't until I got older and began to hear other relatives speak about, well, you know, daddy doesn't look like them. Their nose is a certain way, his nose is a certain way, their hairline, their hair, how it grows. Yeah, that's gonna start wondering wait, something might be going on here. And that would, to me, I was like, that could be why. But Brenda never seems to have a pleasant story to tell about his father.

SPEAKER_04 4:55

I will say that hairline and that hairstyle was a dead giveaway. So one of the many things. And Lisa, before you jump in, let me just say for the listeners out there, you will probably hear us. And some of y'all will hear this and think, like, man, y'all sound really southern. We don't hear it. And our dad, we refer to him as daddy, okay? It's not dad, daddy, it's daddy. D-E-D-D-Y. That's how we pronounce it, and that's how we say it. Don't ask me why, we just always have. So when you hear us say daddy, that that's who we're talking about. It's just like Teddy, but with a D, Daddy. So there you have it. So Lisa, did you have anything you wanted to add to that?

SPEAKER_02 5:33

Yeah, really, just to piggyback off of that, it was more of the personality difference for me. And as I got older, the physical features were the thing that made me say, uh, yeah, maybe it could be something to this. You know, you would hear different rumors, but it was the personality clash. They were consistently at our it was just never a close relationship. Like Ashley mentioned, it was they were just polar opposite. If they were in in the fane room together, it would just be a matter of time before arguments and it was just never gonna be a consistent, peaceful deal. And it would be some, even if it was a minor argument, but at some point there would be disagreement. And I always wondered why they are just always at odds with each other. But as time went on, and then as I got older, and then we began talking to each other more, and I would again hear any stories from them, and I'm thinking this is a really messed up relationship to have. And that's the thing that stood out. And for me, because I knew that closeness wasn't there, I didn't feel any sense of, oh, this is gonna really mess with my identity or my dad's identity. If it turned out that he wasn't a biological father, then hey, that's just what it is. For me, it would have said, Wow, that all makes sense now.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

Yeah. Yeah. I agree with what you all are saying just about the detachment and whatnot, and stories that I remember being shared, because I remember some of these stories as early as in my teenage years when I began asking questions about family history and different things that have come up. And some of the stories that were told to me were sad, some unsettling, and it would always kind of leave me thinking, like, wow, what kind of relationship is that between a parent and a child? And then after we get this far down the line and get these DNA results, it all just was kind of like a oh, it all just really made sense at that point. Let's talk about some of the other DNA discoveries before we get into the main DNA discovery about our biological grandfather, or for you, Ashley, your biological great-grandfather. So I would like to know what your immediate reactions were to some of these things, and were there things that surprise you? And did it feel real right away, or did it take time to sink in? One thing that comes to mind is there is a relative on our paternal line, and I will say, for the sake of clarity, our raised paternal line with the surname that we carry. A cousin on that side of the family took an ancestry DNA test. And so me and this cousin were talking one day, and I'm not even sure how it came up, but the cousin made a comment to me about they had taken an ancestry DNA test. And I said, Oh wow, like you took an ancestry DNA test, so did I. I'm like, me, my dad, and one of my siblings took it. And so I'm like, tell me your name so I can look you up in my matches. And they're like, Well, my name is my name. And so I'm like, Okay, well, I'm searching that and I don't see you in here. And so they check and they're like, Well, I don't see you either. So I asked this cousin, have you ever heard this story in the family that perhaps my grandfather was not my dad's biological father? They had never heard it, and so I said, Well, we're kind of wondering some things because now you're telling me you took a test, we took it, and we're not matching each other, and we should. And I said, and furthermore, me, my dad, and my sibling who took the test, there are no other people in the database with our last name, surname in that database that matches us. And I said, Out of all the billions of people in the world, don't you think that's crazy? Like, obviously, something's going on there. A cousin found it hilarious and said to me, Well, if you want to know something funny, when I ran my matches, I also didn't find anybody with our surname in there. And so now we're just tickle. And we came up with our own theory that maybe our great-grandfather had stolen somebody's identity along the way. Because I'm like, I have no explanation as to why this person would also not have anyone with said surname matching them in the database. So when that happened, I remember I called Lisa and I'm like, hey, this person just told me they took an ancestry DNA test, and as we were talking about it, they're not matching me, and I'm not matching them either. And Lisa, y'all know how like she gets real serious and reflective sometimes, right? And she was like, Yeah, whatever you do, don't tell daddy. And I'm like, don't tell daddy. Of course we gotta tell him. This is more proof that something is not right. And she's like, No, that's just so traumatic. And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, he's good. Don't don't worry about it. Like, we have already had this conversation. He's told me numerous times he's good, and whatever I find out, he wants to know. And it was a pause, and she was like, Okay, but like, I'm I'm telling you the lie. That kind of stuff is traumatic. And I was like, Okay. And then I did tell him shortly there, I heard her, and he got a kick out of that. Go ahead, Lisa.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

My take on that. Well, if he said he can handle it, but I just I really wanted him to be prepared because we can have anything in our mind that say, yeah, if such and such happens, this is how I'll this is how I'll respond, but it's different when you're actually in it. So thankfully he he did handle it the way he expected to. So I think everybody is good.

SPEAKER_04 11:08

And you know what? I really think because he has been advocating for answers for a very long time, as long as probably that I have been doing genealogy for the family, which has been at this point probably well over 20 years. When all of this started coming up, I remember him telling me, whatever you find out, I'm still me. He always came back, like, if you find out anything, I want to know. Whatever you find out, make sure you tell me. So I think somewhere deep down, maybe he always suspected too, but maybe didn't want to vocalize that because if he vocalized it, that would become a reality that at that point we had no answers to. And so I think the hardest part would have been facing it without the answers. So um going to the next discovery was how some of this got kicked into overdrive was back in oh man, I think 2024. Oh, I will never forget it. Easter Sunday is always so special, but for so many reasons now. So it was Easter Sunday, and I got up and I checked my ancestry DNA results, and to my surprise, there was a new match. And so I'm an administrator on Daddy's account, so I can go in and look at his matches. So when I go in and look at his matches, I will say, to my surprise, but not really to my surprise, I see a relative that matched through daddy's mother's side of the family, okay? Now the person should have shown up as being related to him through his mother and father's side of the family, okay? And so I was like, oh man, like it's Sunday morning, people getting ready for church. We trying to get ready for Easter dinner. And I was like, I'm I think that I come and get you somewhere. Like, he's probably on the way to church. And I'm like, let me tell him. And he can tell me what he wants to do. So I called him and he's like, Hey, I said, What are you doing? He's like, I'm on the way to church. And I was like, Okay, well, um, the DNA result just came in for the relative we had been waiting on. So you let me know, do you want to know now or do you want to wait until everybody gets together this afternoon for dinner? He was like, No, he tell me now. So I said, Okay, well, the person's results show up and it shows that they are only related to you on your mother's side of the family. And you know how he's like, mm, like, okay. And so he's like, so what does all of this mean? And I said, Well, it means that you have a different father. So the father that raised you is not your biological father. And he was like, like he busts out in this hearty laugh in the car. So now I'm laughing too. And I'm like, but are we good laughing? Crying laughing, what's going on? So I said, uh, are you okay? He was like, Yeah. Wow. Okay, wait a minute. Explain this to me again. And I'm like, all right, here's what happened. So I tell him what happened. And he said, Wow. And so he paused and I said, Are you okay? And so he said, Oh, yeah, I'm fine. He said, You know what? This just really gives me closure. And I said, What do you mean? And so he said, This finally explains for me why my father treated me the way that he did. He said, Either he knew that I wasn't his or he suspected I wasn't his. And the weight of those words hit me like a ton of bricks in that moment, that I was just like, wow. And so he said, at the end of the day, I've had a good life. I'm still me. It doesn't change me. He was like, This is exciting. I would still like to get more information whenever you find out. And I'm like, oh yeah. And as I don't even remember what I was about to say, but I vividly remember the earnest in his voice. And he says, he does not remember this, but I remember it vividly. He said, Do you know who the biological father is? Like that. Like when a kid is like, did Santa Claus come? Like, that's how he said it to me. And so I said, Well, we don't know who it is yet, but um, and he was asking me, like, if we thought we could find out who it is, and I'm like, Yeah, and then in my mind, I'm like, I just told him, Yeah, and I don't even know how we're gonna do it. You know, like all I know is the earnest in his voice just unlocked something in me. Like when you hear parents talk about their kids asking for something, and they might not have the means to get it, but they're like, I'm gonna do whatever I can do to make sure that my kid has like that. Was what I had resolved in my spirit. I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this, but uh we're gonna do this and we're gonna figure this out. And I just said yes. I said, we're gonna figure it out. It may take some time, but we are gonna figure this out. And he was like, Okay, yeah, yeah, just keep me posted and let me know what else is going on. He was like, This is exciting. So I said, okay. So then we had the big reveal with everybody at Easter dinner. And Ashley, I can't remember if I called you on Easter and told you. I feel like I did because it was just so exciting that I was just like, I gotta let the whole world know. So, all right, so y'all two, whoever wants to tap in first, tell me what your perspective was like when you heard it. How did you feel? Did it feel real? What was going through your mind during that time?

SPEAKER_02 16:10

I laughed too. It wasn't like earth shattering, it was again kind of that closure and like, yeah, now the pieces go together. Because, like you said, it doesn't change who we are. Now we just have some information. And I think I was excited too because now I didn't have any feeling of loss or anything. Like, oh no, all of those relatives, they're still my family. I still love my family, but my mind said, wow, now I have a third leg in here. I'm like, I've got brand new relatives. I was like that kid looking for Santa Claus too. I'm like, okay, who else are we getting ready to find now? So there are people now out here that I'm saying, hey, these are blunt relations to me. I'd like to know who they are. I'd like to know something about them. Because at that point it's just, it's a mystery. And it's like, okay, now let's get to the bottom of it. Let's find out what happens next. And I was glad for him, and I'm also glad he found out when he found out, because if it would have, this picture would have looked a lot different if this had been information that he had while either of his parents were living. I'm glad he found this out now because he was very close with his mother. So I can't imagine what it would have looked like in knowing their personalities, what it would have looked like to find out something like that. If he were able to have that conversation with his mom or have a conversation with the father that raised them, the picture and the story, the way it's playing out right now, would be very different. So I'm glad he got it when he did.

SPEAKER_04 17:45

And I'll say, Ashley, before you jump into your point, let me just interject this thought based on what Lisa said about finding all this out this far down the line. So for me, I think most people in the family either forget or don't realize that all of my grandparents, paternal and maternal lines, all of my grandparents were deceased by the time I had turned 10 years old. And it didn't help that we lived in a different state, so I didn't get to see them regularly or anything like that. So while I do remember them and I remember specific instances or visits, I don't have that same emotional connection to them as other people in the family may hold. So I think that was also another reason why I came so many years down the line from most of my siblings and other people in the family. It was because this was going to come out at some point. And I think that that emotional connection would have been too much. So I think that's another reason why it just all panned out the way it did with age gaps, because there was going to be a need for somebody to be involved to just say, This is information. I am just on a search for information. So go ahead, Ash.

SPEAKER_03 19:00

Yes, you did call me on Easter, and it was funny. I remember we were all screaming off the phone, and it was just like, wow, okay. We knew, but just to get it confirmed, it was just like, oh, okay, so now it was like how daddy felt. Okay, well then what is our last name? Like, who is the other family out here? I didn't feel that took away from our family. I didn't feel no love loss or anything like that. And I didn't feel that it impacted me like, oh my gosh, I don't know who I am, or anything like that. I was pretty cool about it. Now I don't feel that all of y'all siblings were when I realized that they might have been struggling with it, I kind of toned down my excitement. I didn't want anybody to think. I didn't want anybody, because I also had to remind myself, I'm the grandchild. So you guys, you know what I'm saying? I just felt like okay, I necessarily cannot relate. I didn't feel that there would be a change. We're still family, and for me, I just didn't see what needed to change. I looked at it like we know the truth, and there's an opportunity to meet other family members, new relationships. We don't have to discard families that we already know, but I just looked at it more like here's a new opportunity to meet people. That's in the bloodline, like Lisa said. But others, I think it was just really hard on them. So I left the excitement between us because we're like really like going through the whole, who are we?

SPEAKER_04 20:54

Listen, nobody was gonna dampen my excitement. I was both feet in, up to the waist in excitement. Nobody's gonna separate me from new grandpa, okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

I just assumed everybody would be like, oh, all right. Yeah, but when I picked up, like, oh, you really over here going through. I found myself trying to encourage, like, we're still family, nothing changes. I guess I didn't realize like how that would impact. And I did kind of have the thought, like, man, I've been writing this name down on my paper going through school, like this is all my man.

SPEAKER_04 21:35

I was just saying, don't you get me started? How hard I've been going in on that name, correcting people my entire life to spell the name correctly. Yes, only to find out that's not my name.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

And I still be correcting to this day. I just did it the other day.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

I was like, no, not you are married, so you also have another name in addition to all that.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Yes, this is true. I Am Mary and I have another name, but my maiden name is still my maiden name, and I do want people to say it.

SPEAKER_04 22:06

When all this was going on in the search, and y'all know I was so excited that I was like, I am even open to legally changing my name to the new last name to incorporate both. Little did I know that the new last name was gonna have a bunch of letters. And listen, that is a nice name. Both names sound good on me. I'm like, it's a nice name, but I'm like, by the time I get done, we might be looking at like 25 letters only for the last name. So then I said, I'm gonna just legally right now leave it alone. But on socials, I've updated my name so that it reflects both sides. Well, I don't want to say both sides because it's not both sides, because we got a maternal sign. A triune sign. I don't know.

unknown 22:47

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 22:48

My tri-name.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Um, yeah, you just let people who know you. Yes, this is still the same person, but she's also found some other relatives. So we gotta incorporate everybody.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Yeah, you can't be out here getting all these names changes because y'all know how many they limit you in your social security jars. You can only get so many. Um, anyway, let me stop being get to the next part. So, y'all know that it was a lot that happened in 2024. Honestly, nobody can convince me that God wasn't all over the details of this story. It all happened in his timing, the way that it needed to happen. There were so many things that took place after it all got in motion that in hindsight, if we had even waited 30 days, I doubt this would have been accomplished. So, y'all know we wound up going to where a lot of our relatives are, and we had some relatives who agreed to take the test. So I decided I was gonna go up one weekend, bring the kids with me, had the ones who volunteered take the test so that we could sort of narrow down some other scenarios in this. And then Meredith decided she was gonna go on the trip with me. So I'll pivot these next few questions over to her just because she was with me during that time to get her perspective on all of this. So, what made you decide to travel with me as I went to get these relatives tested?

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Well, it was twofold. One, I wanted to go see the family because we don't get there to see them that often. So it was gonna be a nice trip. And then secondly, I felt like he was gonna need some extra support on this trip. Because you just never know how things can kind of turn left and stories get out, people, you know, people spin things all kinds of ways. She had to be my witness. Yeah, so I was like, no. So I said, no, she's gonna need somebody else there to validate what is really going down. So that was my reasoning for going.

SPEAKER_04 24:51

Thank you for that. And you were able to validate on some spaces, so I do appreciate that. How did it feel going through the process of testing these relatives? And I'm especially curious about your thoughts as you watch their reactions as I explained the process to them prior to having them take the test. I think that these relatives fully believe what I was saying. I don't think there was any doubt about that, but I think to do their due diligence, and you were in the room when it was asked of me, like, I believe you, but for a good measure, can you just show me in the database, type the name in just so that I can see? I said, sure. And I typed it in, and I remember each one kind of laughed and like, yeah, like you can't.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

Yeah, you can't get around that, not being nobody else matching the dick face with that name. So it was sort of like, let's do it. So I really appreciate those relatives who stepped up and helped us hone in to get closer to the answers that we needed. We are just forever grateful to you guys for stepping up to the plate and helping us accomplish that. And so just really can't thank you enough. And I was reviewing my notes. You did get a chance to answer that last part, right? No, in all actuality, you you technically answered it.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Go ahead and add some additional talks if you don't mind. But no, it was interesting to see their faces and their reactions to it because it was kind of like, yes, I do believe that they wholeheartedly believed you as you told them. But what I felt like is that they wanted to be able to understand everything. So they wanted to see it in a database, kind of ask those questions as to what everything meant. That way, they also have ammunition down the line. If they need to explain this to somebody else and validate where we're coming from with all of this, they can speak for themselves at that point. They don't have to say, Oh, um, let me call Tiffany and ask her about this or whatever. They can fully explain it themselves. And so it was just interesting to see the realization that showed on their face and then their reactions when they were like, oh my God, this there really is another father out here. Right. And so then at that point, they were like, they were fully on board. They were like, whatever we gotta do, we're gonna we're gonna get the answers for y'all. So they were just ready.

SPEAKER_04 27:12

Yeah, and I'm so thankful for their support and trust and everything, and even making sure like I wanted them to know this is no expense that I'm asking you to bear, whatever needs to be done. I am fully prepared to pay for whatever it is, got all the kits. I did not ask anybody for any money to say, like, I'm coming out, everything was at my own expense, travel and all that. I just appreciated them being available, and then, like you said, them seeing it for themselves would also be another advocate so that if any discussion came up down the line, they could also say, Well, no, I saw the results or I saw the database, and she's correct, there were no other matches in there with the surname or any other relatives on this side of the family that were matching her at this point. So I think I was saying that another thing that I was doing from the time the result came in on Easter Sunday through the time we got the final result was I had to keep myself motivated. And the only way I knew how to do that was immersing myself even more into every DNA documentary I could get my hands on, every DNA television show I could watch, and I promise I watched every episode of Long Lost Family, which is now in syndication, like every season, every episode, because I just had to keep the motivation up and just keep telling myself, like, if these people can find out, I know, like, I know there's hope for us, I know we can get through this. So, what do you think about going on that ride of watching all of these documentaries? So, did any of those stories change how you viewed our situation?

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Okay, well, first, I guess watching the documentaries, I did not feel any particular way about it just because I like that kind of stuff in general. I love to see people finding information about their families that has basically been hidden from them for so many years. It's just it's heartwarming. I just like to see stories like that. And then, especially when they have good outcomes where the biological family is welcoming and everybody's just so glad to see each other and all. So, you know, that was not an issue for me watching that kind of stuff. I do not think it made me think any differently about our family or well, the family that we thought was all our biological. They're still my family. That's what I grew up knowing. All it did was simply expand my family base. And it's like, now a family reunion goes from having 300 people to 500, you know. It's just exciting to know that I have more family out here that I had no idea existed. So I was very glad to find out about it. Anytime your world expands, it's always a good thing. So I was just simply excited to know that I've got some more blood relatives out here, and I wonder what they're like. So it's been exciting than me.

SPEAKER_04 30:16

And there was something you said that stood out to me about our family that we had been raised up with, like they will always be our family. And I remember there were several people who made comments to me during this process, like, well, you know, no matter what happens, we're always family. And I'm like, of course we're always family. I never said we weren't gonna be family. We are always family, and to your point, it's just that our family unit has expanded because we have now found this other set of people that we had no idea existed, and vice versa. And then the no matter what happens, that sat with me for a bit because I'm like, no matter what happens, that means you know or think there's a possibility that the scales could fall to either side, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:02

So that was always in my mind too. Like, why would you use the word no matter what happens? That means you think there's a possibility. Otherwise, it would just be like, hey, there's no need to do this. We know that you're family, we know who it is, but that was, I think, in the back of people's minds.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

And also with that, when you find out there's other family involved, the people you grew up thinking were family, sometimes they have that insecurity as well. They feel like they wanna need me anymore, or or they're gonna find these other people that that are going to replace me. And that's not the case. You can love lots of people, it doesn't diminish the relationship you already have with them. It's just that, hey, I just found some extra people to bring in. That's all.

SPEAKER_04 31:45

Did any of those DNA documentaries or DNA shows, did those things help you better understand the process in this journey? I know you said you like watching things that are heartwarming, but prior to spending time looking at a lot of these stories, did you really understand the process of how DNA testing worked and what it meant to get these answers to connect families?

SPEAKER_00 32:10

No, I don't think I really realized the behind the scenes work that's involved in it. Um, because like I say, when you watch TV, it's just they speed everything up. You just see end results or whatnot. So it did sort of solidify the validity of the test because they go into great detail to make sure all this information is correct. It's not gonna be something where I think these are your people, and then come back and find out, oh, they're really not related to us. They have done painstaking steps to make sure that everything is right and they just they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these families connect. So it was interesting to really see that behind the scenes process and make me fully understand when you start trying to say who's connected to who. Um, because you know I've been terrible matching up who everybody is in a family, that kind of thing. So it just helps to uh hold on to me and force that for me.

SPEAKER_04 33:13

When she says terrible matching up people, let's clarify for our listeners. What we mean she inherited a genetic trait. I don't know who she would have inherited it from, but yeah, she cannot remember people's names. So she could sit here and have lunch with you today and then tomorrow. Who is that? And I'm you just spent a whole afternoon with them. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 33:33

Yes, and let's clear it. Yeah, and I always remember the faces. I just can't always remember the names. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 33:39

That face part is kind of sketchy. Yeah, so so listen, I take it from the laughter on the other side.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

They also agree with that assessment. So when I meet people, I tell them right up front, I may not remember the name, but please don't think it's it's anything against you. I will know your face, but you may have to remind me what your name is.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

To Meredith, it is a lot. Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Well, in the record, the one name that Meredith solidly has is James Colburn.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

James Coburn, is that the guy who played Mr. Crisp in Sister Act 2? Is that him? Yeah, I think he was able to play that role too.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Yeah, I'm like, that's probably the only thing I ever know James Colburn from. Yes, and so sadly, I cannot always remember even the family members. I have to ask Tiffany, who is this coming up to be coming up to talk to? Which is but I but I I definitely know all the celebrities.

SPEAKER_04 34:43

Which is wild. I'm the youngest in my family, and they are always people are coming up to me, like, who is so and so? And I'm like, that's your first couple. Like, why are you asking me this? Y'all are older than me. Y'all, y'all should know who these people are. But I guess because I've been doing it for so long, I have established myself as the family genealogy subject matter expert uh on this side of the family. So let's go to the day that the grand DNA results came in. So y'all know that we spent time getting a chance to meet the at that point potential family. We got to meet them towards the end of the summer. And so it just all flowed the way it all happened with meeting them, spending the day together, them volunteering to take a DNA test, and I'm having one on the spot, like, oh yeah, we can do this today. And so we, I say we, like us and the new found cousins, it was a lot of excitement, and we'd send pictures. And what about this? So a couple weeks had gone by, and I was saying, I pay all these kits I had paid for the priority processing because at this point, somebody in their age is like, we got to get these answers yesterday, right? I'm like, we do not have time ancestry for y'all to be up here processing for six to eight weeks. I need to stop that right away. So it was the night before daddy's birthday, and I was talking to one of the newfound cousins, and I said, Hey, like, any chance? Have you heard anything from your sibling to determine whether or not their results had come in? And I said, I was trying to give the person space not to just be hovering, like, what's going on with the did you get another status update? And so they said, No, I hadn't had a chance to ask, but I'll plan to reach out and ask and see what's going on with the results. And I said, Okay. And I said to the cousin, it would really be great if the results came in soon or came in by my dad's birthday, because his birthday is tomorrow, and that would be a really great birthday gift to give him that he would finally know whether this is his father. And so the cousin says, Oh, yeah, that'd be great. Okay, so here I am getting back into my daydreaming about this whole new grandfather and what all this means and whatnot. So the next day is my dad's birthday, and I'm getting up, getting ready for work, and I just had an urge to, I didn't get an alert. It was just something just said, go and open your DNA results and go look at his DNA results. I opened his DNA results, and oh my god, I saw the newfound cousin who had taken the DNA test, and it said that he is my dad's nephew, and that he's only related to my dad through my dad's father's side of the family. And I was like, oh, and it's like 5:30, 6 o'clock in the morning, and I'm like, who's up? Who can I call? Like, I don't, because you know, you start calling people in the middle of the night, that's a heart attack. Like, people think something happened, right? Like an emergency. So I sat down and I went back and I looked at my DNA charts and was looking at all the ranges. And I'm like, this is correct. He is a nephew. And so then I ran another filter to make sure he didn't match anybody on my grandmother's side of the family, and he did not. And so I said, this is conclusive. So I said, you know what? I'm gonna do one more thing before I like start sounding the alarm. So I reached back out to the search angel who helped us identify this family in the first place. And I said, Hey, you helped us get this far. I wanted to check in with you to make sure you're interpreting these results the same way I am before I start telling everybody in case I start telling it's wrong. So she was like, Give me just a second. Now, this is early in the morning, so she's like up before six o'clock. She came back, I don't even think it was 10 minutes. She was like, Tiffany, yes, you are correct. He is your dad's nephew. We we kept converting, and I was like, oh my God, I was like, this is so amazing. Today is my dad's birthday, and I just can't believe it. She was like, Tell your dad happy birthday, like this is gonna be amazing. So I start like waking people up, and I'm like, Meredith. So she thinks something happened, and I'm like, it's not an emergency. I was like, but I was like, um, what do we want to call them? Mr. C? Yeah. Mr. C is our grandfather. And she was like, what? Like, oh my God. So I was like, I gotta call Lisa. I gotta call Ashley. Start calling. So they, you know, when you enter the phone early, like you're bracing yourself because somebody's calling with emergency. Lisa was like, hello, I was like, it's not an emergency, but listen. So I was like, Mr. C is our grandfather. And I can't remember what she said, but it was something funny because we started laughing, and then I called Ashley and I had to do something. I was like, it's not an emergency. I was like, but listen, listen, and she was like, oh my God. So I guess she was like taking her kids to school or something. So she started like announcing to everybody in her house, like, we know who my granddaddy's father is. And they was like, we were just like in the house screaming. Everybody's trying to wake up in pajamas, getting ready for work, getting ready for school. And I was just like, oh my God. So we were planning to get our dad for dinner that evening. We were gonna go by the house, get him for dinner. So when we met the cousins a few weeks prior, the one cousin had brought photos and some obituaries and things like that. And while we were at our meeting spot, I asked him if it would be okay if I could take photos of what he brought. He said, Yeah, go ahead. So I had those things in my phone. So as we were getting ready for the day, I told Meredith, I'm gonna go and get these pictures printed and I'm gonna put them in an album for him so that when we tell him, he will then have an album for that side of his family, since he never got a chance to meet them or know them, the father and the two brothers anyway. So she was like, Oh, I think that's a great idea. So I'm telling you, we were trying to hold on to this to wait until we got over to the house. Later in the day, it was probably like 12:30 in the afternoon. We wound up calling daddy to say happy birthday. So he was like, Oh, thank you. And so he was like, I hadn't even really gotten up for the day. He was like, I was just kind of chilling, laying in the bed. He was like, I was just thinking. So he goes into this long discourse. And when I say long, it wasn't like that long, but it was like five or 10 minutes. I think he was talking about this. And I'm not saying that to say, oh, it was it wasn't a problem. It was just, I think it was such an unexpected reflection that I was like, I gotta tell him right now. So he went into this whole thing about how he never expected to live this long, and God has blessed him with so much. And I just can't even believe that I'm this age. Well, I guess I could say his age because it's part of the story. At that point, he was 83, so or had turned 83. And he was like, I just never imagined. So he went into all this stuff about how God had blessed him, and he's like, I don't feel 83. Like in my mind, I still feel like I might be 50 or whatever. So he's just gone on on about how he was just so excited and couldn't believe he was 83 years old. So I looked at Meredith and she kind of gave me that look like, go ahead. So I said, Well, since we got so much excitement going on for the day, I have something else to tell you. And he was like, Okay. So I said, Well, you know, the cousin took that DNA test for us, so that we were trying to figure out if we could confirm if that person was actually your biological father or if that cousin was just another cousin in the tree and we had to keep searching. So he was like, Yeah. So I was trying not to give it away, even though I was like so excited because I didn't want to throw it, I didn't want him to catch on to it. So I said, and the results came in, and I had a chance to look at everything, and he was like, Mm-hmm, like that. So I had him a speaker. So I said, and after a thorough review of looking at, and I'm just talking solemn, and I'm like, after a thorough review of looking at his DNA results, we determined that Mr. C is your biological father because the cousin, he is your nephew. And it was like a five-second ball, and he said, Wow, wait a minute, what? He was like, What? He said, Hold on, what? Satan so Meredith is laughing, and I'm laughing. And I was like, we know who your father is. And he was like, wow, wow, he was like, hold on, hold on, I gotta sit up in the bedroom. Mr. C, you are the father. Yeah, so then, yeah, I think we did do the Maury thing. And so he was laughing about that. And he was like, wait a minute. He was like, so you're saying I was like, yes, Mr. C is your biological father because said cousin had taken the DNA test and his results came in this morning. And I said, and I've already talked to him, he was excited. He just could not believe. He went on for several more minutes just about how exciting all of this was. He could not believe that we had actually figured out what was going on. And I'm like, I told you we were gonna figure it out at that moment, you know, because it was done. I'm like, confidence and boldness and standing there, but I'm just I was so excited for him.

SPEAKER_00 43:58

Yes, because how many. People at his age find out something like that. And the most I've seen on those genealogy shows, a DNA, is somebody in their 60s. I had never seen somebody in their 80s finding out that information. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:16

Just so wild. I'll let Lisa and Ashley jump in and share what was going through their minds at that time, if there was anything that surprised them or brought about more questions or anything like that.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

I was just excited to find out and to have a name and a face that things progress. I think the only bummer part about that was that I know he would have been quite aged, but I was still hoping that he was out there somewhere in super. And then in every version of the story, I'm running up and down the hall like uh the Maury Povitch show.

SPEAKER_04 45:01

You are the father. Let me go back to the day we found out. So we get over to Daddy's house. I had taken half the afternoon off from work just so that I could be there a little earlier. So as I'm at the house, he's in his chair and he's like, I cannot believe this is just so exciting. And I'm like, yeah, I know it is. So now it's like, okay, now tell me the story again. What time did you get the real plot? It's like all this stuff, right? So he's like, man, he sits in the chair and that was a swivel chair. He likes, so he's sitting in his swivel chair, and he said, Man, you know what? I really wish that I had some pictures of them. And I was like, oh, in my mind, now I can't hold the surprise anymore. It's like, you drink it out of me. So I said, in comes fair and daughter. So I come with the little album and he's like, oh wow, I was able to put them into photo frames that have magnets on the back, so you could put them on the refrigerator. He sat in that chair and looked at those pictures for like 30 minutes. I even snuck a picture of him looking at the photos, and then he put them on his refrigerator, so they're still there now.

SPEAKER_03 46:08

I think I realized they were there.

SPEAKER_04 46:10

Yeah, they're there. After finding out who our paternal biological grandfather is. How do you feel about him as a person versus an idea, if that makes any sense? Think about when we first realized there's definitely a different father in the mix. And at that time, we had no idea who he was, excuse me, no images or whatever. Then we meet these at the time potential cousins who turned out to be our actual cousins, coming in with these photos and telling us stories from what they remember. So now, even though we did not get the opportunity to know him, building a persona of him, if you will, based on their perspective of how they knew him. So tell me a little bit about what you thought about the person he was versus what you learned about him through these cousins.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

Well, I don't know if I really thought about who he was per se, because it was still sort of abstract. I mean, we just had a name, but after talking to the newfound relatives, I felt like, wow, he seemed like a really good guy. And I just hated that I didn't get an opportunity to meet him while he was alive. Because I would have loved to have the opportunity to have that real grandfather relationship, some kind of a connection, which I just didn't have with the one that we grew up with. So I just felt a little sad that I didn't get to actually know him, but I like the idea of knowing that from all accounts, he was a stand-up guy and uh just always try to do right by his family. So I take solace in that. Anyone else want to chime in?

SPEAKER_02 48:09

I think the only part in that that along those same lines, that sense of regret, like wow, I wish I could have known him personally. But even with the newfound relatives, I'm excited about getting to spend more time with them in the future, though, whatever those events or things will be. Just to see faces and personality traits, the people that we've met already, we could already identify some commonalities and say, oh, you do this too, or oh, you're interested in that thing too. And so I'm curious.

SPEAKER_04 48:42

Yeah, and I will say a lot of it is there because I remember growing up, I used to always think it was odd that daddy was the only one in his immediate family who had gone to the military. And people who usually get into roles of service, it's not just an individual thing. You'll find other people in that same family unit following that same path. Like in our mom's family, we have various folks who were in law enforcement. So I just always thought it like your uncles didn't serve, none of your brothers were in the military. Like, how did you wind up going to the military? Your dad didn't, like, nobody went. And then we come to find out that on his father's side of the family, biological father's side, his oldest brother was in the military, and so was one of his nephews. And I'm like, makes sense. And Danny has always been really great at building things, never went to any school to get formal training. He'll be like, I'm gonna go out here and build a doghouse. Or y'all know he built a two-story deck by himself in the backyard. I I don't even know how to do this. Come to find out. The biological father was a builder and had never, from all accounts, been to any schools or anything for training for that kind of thing. They showed us pictures where he built a cabin and like some other stuff. And I'm like, this is where you get it from. And that is where I get it from. Yes, Meredith is our builder. So I don't I don't put things together. Now, if you need a plan or a process in order to put the build together, I got you there. But all that, I can make sure you have something good to eat by the time you get done with all your labors.

SPEAKER_02 50:12

Yeah, I'm in charge of facts.

SPEAKER_04 50:15

Y'all had me laughing so much, I'm over here coughing now. Let me get another soup. Did you want to add anything, Ashley?

SPEAKER_03 50:23

No, I actually I didn't know those things about our biological grandfather. I didn't know that, but that's pretty awesome that y'all were able to get that information and just see. Wow, okay, this is where daddy gets that from. For me, I just really wanted to know what happened. I don't think I really thought about what kind of person he was. I just wondered, did he know daddy existed? That was more so what was in my mind, what happened. And did he ever try to look for daddy? And then I even wondered that daddy recognize him when he saw him to say, I knew that person, that person stayed on such and such block or something. Yeah, but I don't think I really thought about too much the kind of character he was.

SPEAKER_04 51:13

So I will say to your first point when you said, Oh, I didn't know he could do all that stuff. There were two photos in particular that I remember when we met up with the cousins, where one he was standing in front of a cabin, and the cousin was saying, he built that cabin by himself. And you could say he had a shovel or something in his hand, but you could just tell whatever it was, he was proud and showcasing his handiwork. And then there was another photo where he looked like he was digging a trench or something, like he was down like digging, and I'm like, This is the kind of stuff daddy does all the time. But I guess he got it honest. And then when you were saying, Did he know about him? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, I don't think he knew about him, because based on what the cousin shared, now the cousin said based he was a good father, but it would not have been out of the realm of possibility that he would have had children outside of his marriage. But no matter what, he was a good father. They emphasize that over and over again. So with them having such strong feelings about the type of father that he was, I don't think there was any way he could have known about daddy and not been there. And then from daddy's perspective, daddy said he's never seen him before until we started seeing the photos from the cousins. So it does kind of make you wonder because as many times as we have been up to that state visiting, which is like hundreds of times, we could have easily walked past these people at the gas station, sat across from them in a restaurant. Even think about all the revivals and preaching engagements Danny has had over the years, even going back there. At any given time, his father or his brothers could have been sitting in that audience, right? Think about the magnitude of that for a second. They could have been sitting in the audience, he could have been preaching to his family, sitting in the audience, and none of them knew anything about it.

SPEAKER_02 53:08

Wow. Yeah. And with the close proximity, I often think of it. They could have been like literally driving past one another. They could have walked past each other in a store somewhere and just never knew it.

SPEAKER_04 53:23

Yeah.

unknown 53:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:26

That's um what was because they were so close in proximity. It's like, God, what was the point of all of this?

SPEAKER_04 53:36

The two brothers on the paternal side, his two brothers on that side, they both died. I would consider them young. I think they were both under 50, but I would still consider them young. And just based on the circumstances of how both of those individuals passed away, it almost makes me wonder. I want to say this respectfully, it almost makes me wonder if Daddy could have potentially been cut off earlier in life had he grown up, knowing the trajectory of his life would have been completely different. But just think about the impact that he's had, the lives that he's influenced, even up until this day. Like all that it didn't play out that way for no reason. And even him discovering that he's got nieces and nephews now that he had no idea about, and they thinking that their father's family is gone because they lost their father and their uncle when they were young. And to go all those years later and then find out, wait a minute, we have another uncle all this time. So something great is gonna come out of it. I think there are great things that are already happening and coming out of it. And to Lisa's point, just looking forward to being able to connect with them and continue building a cousin relationship with them that we did not have an opportunity to have because we are first cousins, like they are our first, they're not like, oh, that's cousin so-and-so's child's boy. They are our first cousins, and so we cannot make up for lost time. We can only take the time we have now and make the most of it. There are a couple of touch points that I believe are coming up with them this year, so I'm excited about that. So hopefully we'll be able to take that and continue building something great.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:25

So after making the DNA discovery, does this change what family means to you all now?

SPEAKER_02 55:35

I don't think it does, not for me, because you've got the biological piece, but more than anything, it's about the connections because you can have closer connections to somebody that you're not even biologically related to. So it's about what you build with the people that are around you. So I think I still feel the same way about it. I'm just excited and I'm happy to know that I have the opportunity to build that with new people.

SPEAKER_00 56:05

Anybody else? I agree. It doesn't change anything. I feel the same way about family. I don't think any better or worse about anything. It's just family is family.

SPEAKER_03 56:19

Yes, I agree too. That's my family. I still love them. And is that a a new opportunity to blend with more family?

SPEAKER_04 56:29

Mm-hmm. Uh, I think you guys answered what I was gonna ask in the next part, just about how you think about our family and yourself, and if y'all were sharing, you don't feel like it's changed you as an individual. I don't know that I will say that it's changed me. It definitely has made me more curious because now I have a lot of work to do on a line where unfortunately there are a lot of people who are gone from that line that I need to get answers to. If you think about medical history and things like that going to the doctor, so daddy's been going to the doctor his entire life, giving a medical history that's inaccurate slash false, right? So, as such, as he's telling us, so yeah, this is in our family. So we go to the doctor. Well, you know, they give you that little sheet. What's in your paternal and maternal line? I'm up here just writing down what he said. Uh, this stuff doesn't even I need to call them and say, scrap all that. I don't know what's in it now. For the record, I didn't tell them that. What? But you know what I'm saying? So they're taking certain things into account that I'm like, these things don't pertain to me because that is somebody else's medical history. One of the disheartening things in this for me is that y'all know I love genealogy and family research and all that stuff, but there were clearly some folks in the family that we know who were aware of some things, may not have been able to confirm it or prove it based on the circumstances at the time, but that same year, two people in particular had spoken up, and these people were people from his mother's side of the family who had said to me and to him, they said when we were kids, we remember overhearing some conversations from the grown folks saying, so and so is probably not his dad, but they said because we were kids, we couldn't say anything about it. Like, you know, you just as a kid, you hear things and you keep moving. But they said, So now this confirms what we remember hearing when we were children, and they both remembered hearing this story about him not being his father. They remember hearing that story on more than one occasion. I do think that there were some other folks too who were aware or maybe thought there was a possibility, but I had done so much work. You see that giant book of this, you have no idea how many thousands of dollars I've spent on records, research trips, contacting people, just various things, because I was trying to put together a comprehensive genealogy for this side of the family because we never had anything like that before, only to find out that I had been researching for someone that I am not even biologically related to. So I feel like someone should have, even if they didn't want to be the one to tell me all the way, someone should have said, Hey, I get what you're trying to do, but you might need to be looking someplace else. Like so just so that and not to say that just kind of give you a heads up. Not to say that I would not have done this book, but maybe I could have been simultaneously putting two different things together in searching what I needed to find out on that side. So now I'm on a quest to put together a comprehensive genealogy for that part of the family now because it seems like it doesn't exist. And learning that my biological grandfather, my biological great-grandmother, who was his mother, and my biological great-great-grandfather, who is her father, were all born in the state that I was born in and live in. So imagine my surprise as I'm looking at records and I'm saying, I live in this county, or this county is 15 minutes from me. I'm not talking about get in your car and take a road trip. I'm talking about get in the car and I can be at these places in 15 to 30 minutes, 30 to 60 minutes, get information and be back home in the same day. So just putting that into perspective, I don't feel like it's changed me. It's like I said, made me more curious. Now I want to see all the pictures. Who do I look like? Who do I have personality traits? Like, oh, this is such an exciting thing. How can I forget this part? My great-grandmother, biological paternal great-grand grandmother, my middle name is her name. Like we had no idea about these people. And then when we started finding this and it said her name, I said, Oh my, like, that's my name. How amazing is that? Not even knowing that you are connected to these people, and then you find out here's another commonality that I shared that I share a name with my great-great-grandmother. I may have said won't great the first time, but it's actually my great-great-grandmother, who, by the way, lived to be 90 years old, but we can talk about that another time. Oh, I could just go, let me get back to my notes because I mess around here and we'll get to talking about something else and be on the phone for another two hours.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:13

Yes. Even that's exciting to know that we come from a line where they live long. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:21

Um, is there any part of this DNA discovery journey that stands out to you the most, or what do you think you will remember the most about it?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:33

You know, like how we was talking about the Maury show, you never think that it will be your family. That that is what this has taught me, is that, and and it's not to say it's a bad thing all the time, but it's just never think that you may not find yourself in this situation. That's what it's taught me. And to just hopefully be open to it, to getting those answers, whether you think it will benefit you or not, somebody needs to know, especially with the medical records and and your DNA like that. People need to know. So that's what this whole situation is teaching me is that this could be you, this could be your family. Especially that generation back then, as frustrating as it is for me, because I have questions. It's like you said, people have already asked away that could shine some light to some things, but they just didn't talk about it. And this generation is all about talking. This generation is all about getting those answers to the questions. So just never think that it can't be you and your family.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:47

And that generation also didn't anticipate a little thing called DNA DNA testing. Because I'm sure, I'm sure had they had any foresight into the future, there may have been some conversations or some deathbed confessions or something, but like, oh, like as far as then, like, hey, I'm I'm scot-free. You know, I'm like, nah, bro, this is why no, this is why this stuff is not adding up. And then when you have people with the tenacity to say, no, we're just gonna tell me anything, we're gonna get in here and find these answers. Um, it definitely will shake some things up. I remember one cousin said to me jokingly, we have a really great relationship. And the cousin said to me, Oh, you done it now, Tiff. You you turned over the apple cart. And so we laughed. And I said, That's okay. Everybody just pick up their respective apples and let's just keep moving along. And that's what you gotta do. Life is life. There's no judgment about the circumstances. We have no idea what the circumstances of the relationship was, so that's not even for me to say. He's here, and all these years later, we find this out. I don't think there's one thing I'm going to remember it all. And I'm so thankful always for the search angel in the KNA group that helped us achieve this. Because we really could not have done that without her, and just even just thanking God for the grace of how he aligned things, the timing of it all. Because there's a lot of situations where people meet new families and they won't respond, or the hey, don't contact us anymore. They have been so welcoming. Of course, I'm gonna see where these relationships go, and I hope we continue it on. But for me, it's not moment, it's like all of it from beginning to end. I never get tired of telling just the like I have a big Cheshire cat grin. Now I never get tired of telling the story, so all of it stands out. I'm gonna remember all of it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:38

Anything else? That's the same here, Doctor. The journey has been amazing, and there's just no doubt that God was in it because there's no other explanation for the timing with everything, how everything just fell right in place just when we needed to uh give a few days before or after, and these could have been an entirely different scenario. So it was God, that's all I can say. Lisa, did you have anything to add?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:10

No, I'm just glad about how fun folded, and I'm looking forward to what comes next.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:16

Do you guys think that there was anything especially meaningful or emotional that came up for you in this process? Oh I think watching Daddy sit in that chair and soak it all in of looking at these people. Oh, I should have said this a while ago and it escaped me. He looks just like his mother, and he looks like everybody in his mother's family. He looks nothing like the father who raised him or anybody on that side of the family. So this was wonderful for the first time in his life to be able to see other people that he looked like that wasn't his mother, right? And her family. So I think like that was one of Thing that got me, and then I will say Meredith got me with a very thoughtful Christmas gift that year, and it is a cutting board that is too beautiful to actually use for cutting, so I put it in this curio. Yeah, so it has our surname and the name of the biological family combined established 2024. So I thought that was a very thoughtful gift. So I do thank you and appreciate you again for that.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:30

Oh, you're welcome. There you go.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:36

Yes, I know I was the good sister that year. Yeah. Did this DNA discovery change how you guys see daddy and granddaddy to you, Ashley?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:49

No, I don't see him any differently. Really? Yeah. No, I I just see the it's not really a change in him, just the like the light in him to know that he has found his real people. But him as a person, no, it doesn't change anything about the way I see or think of my father. Okay. What are y'all saying?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:13

I can agree with Mayor. I can tell he is happy to have found out. But in my eyes, he's still the same. It's just like for the rest of us, it's like, okay, this is great news, and let's go forward with this great news. But I think Tiffany, for you, you did the work. And so even when you were talking about physically being in front of him to give the information, or even you being the one to call him at times, I didn't get that experience. So you're seeing things firsthand, your first responses because you're the one who's doing all the footwork and the communication. So I think for you, you would probably see things that we might not see. And so I think for some of us in our eyes, I don't feel anything has necessarily changed other than he's received great news and we're looking forward to meeting new people. But I think because you have just done so much work, I think this has affected you and has opened your eyes up to even how you see your father, his responses and everything, and just all the emotions and everything that's going with it. I just think you're experiencing all of this at a different level than the rest of us. Not that we're not there, but because you're the one who's the genealogist, and all of this is happening because of you, in a sense. You're just seeing him in a different light, in my opinion, than the rest of us.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:55

Yeah, I think it's a matter of perspective, just like Ashley was saying, that the response that you're seeing, it's gonna be different, and we're all gonna have a different lens in how we view the situation. Because even when you talked about uh just kind of the futility of doing this and saying, hey, I did put all this work in and then was for a long line, but my mind says that was the prep work, that was the training ground, because it makes whatever you want to do for your newly discovered mind, it makes it that much easier. Look at all of the things, all of the experience you have, that you don't have to start at ground zero in that regard, because now you don't have that same feeling of where do I go? What archives, what facility, what place, where how do I do this? Look at we have an arsenal now, you know where to go. It's almost lightwork at this point because now it's the matter of plugging in the name. We don't have to do that stain kind of labor, so that's an advantage for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:00

That was a good perspective. Yeah, you're a pro at this now. I don't know if I was a pro. I still gotta maintain a little humility. It's all right for me to say it to you and call yourself a pro. I'm kind of a big deal.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:17

No, I think your humility is your greatest press.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:24

That was great perspective that all of y'all have. But I think for me, especially getting involved in the genealogy at such a young age and now being an adult and looking at certain things through more mature lens, I think it gives me greater insight into his personality, some of his decision making and thinking. And don't know, he is gonna always make sure nobody's kid is left out. I can even remember being the kid, I'm like, why are you buying them tickets to the circus? They're not your kids. Like, we asked to go to the circus, stuff like that to this day. If he thinks that a child is gonna be left out, oh, he's gonna figure out how to make it happen. And now I see you were lacking in those areas with that father-son relationship that you always try to make sure no child ever feels that or experiences that, and then I think it also gives some insight into his parenting style. So, and where did Lisa die? She laughing. I think it allows you to give grace, like when you realize, oh, oh wow, this is the catalyst behind this, like this is the reason why. So now I can understand why you do XYZ, or now I can understand why you hold opinions in this manner, and you allow that grace because now you better understand somebody's journey and experience to understand truly who they are as a person. Like you see parents, but it changes when you become an adult and then a mature adult. You see them through a different like, yes, they're my parent, but you're still an adult, and but I can see you for the strengths, I can see you for the flaws, I can embrace you in these moments, and it just sort of brings it all full circle to really understand him as an individual, not just as a parent, but as a person. Yeah. This has been a good conversation. After being a part of this experience with the DNA discovery, if you could share a message with daddy, our biological grandfather, or the grandfather that we were raised to know, what would that message be?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

That was a deep okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:37

Yeah, I was proud of my first. I know, right? I might have to play some other music. I don't know. Copyright people coming after me.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:51

I don't know, maybe for daddy just to tell. Oh, now it all makes sense. Oh, you know, growing up now. I can see things through your link. And no matter what, yes, we still love you. And for the grandfather that we never knew, I think I'd probably say, I love you, even though I never actually got to meet you, but you left a legacy and the feedback we got from everybody else, you were a great man. So I love you too.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:26

Yeah. Uh that's that's pretty much what I would say as well. It's just because the dots are being connected now because daddy is my grandfather by learning his upbringing more was able to shine some light on my father. And I would just say that I loved my daddy, and he's really done a great job with the cars that he was dealt growing up as a kid. He's done a great job. And I love him. I thank him for just doing the best that he could as a young man, and of course, growing up, raising a family, and just doing the best that he could where he might have not felt equipped in some areas due to not having the father that most children want, you know? Um, and just I love him because I think about this more often without my grandfather. I think like, what if daddy never got saved? How would we have turned out? Would we even be here, all of us? He really matured and leveled up. He didn't waste his life away. He really stepped up to the plate with everything, in my opinion. And he told him this recently. I'm like, in my eyes, you were my superman. I knew if I could go to my grandfather and out why, say I wanted something, say I wanted to go somewhere, after my dad was saying no. You know, dad always made it happen, period. And he left and he was like, what? And it was like, you are my superman. I hear what you're saying about yourself, but in my eyes, you are the pinnacle. You are the standard for a real man, true man of God. So I love him. I appreciate him, and my grandfather that I never knew. I appreciate how even though he's not here, he connected the dots to who my grandfather is and where he got the gifts and talents that he has. And I love him too.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:40

And Lisa, before you go, I'll just chime in on something that came to mind that Ashley said about Daddy and the way like taking care of his family. That was a central theme with the cousins as they were sharing about our biological grandfather. And so I think that goes in hand with some of the other things that I was saying, like these traits that he possesses that may not even know where he got some of these things from. And it's becoming more and more evident. So you've got the biological grandfather who, from all accounts, he loved his family, he took care of his children, he took care of his kids no matter what. That's the same mentality that daddy always held on to. And so I don't think that was by accident. I think that was an inherited trait, but also, like Ashley said, about some of the circumstances that he had to navigate through in life, just gave him that perseverance to keep pushing forward. So, yeah, genetics are wild.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:37

Yeah. Oh, how many men who use that as an excuse to say, you know, I I didn't have no father, or my father abused me, so and they hate children out here and and don't care to raise those kids. You know, but he that stopped him. They're right by his wife and took care of his children, yeah, took care of his pregnant children.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:02

Uh Ashley's one of her kids' birthday came up last year, and I think I was on the phone with you, but I was with him, and I made mention, oh, it's so and so's birthday today. Oh, yeah. Then he tells me, find out what he wants. I'm thinking he's just asking. So when they get done, no, he told me to put him on the phone. That's what it was. When they get done talking, we get back on the phone, that he tells me, Yeah, he wanted a Spider-Man. And I'm looking like, huh? He's like, Yeah, he wanted Spider Man. Uh, do me a favor, find out where you get one of them from and order it, and I'll give you the money for it. And I'm sitting here looking like, I don't even know what kind of Spider-Man are. We're talking about life size, uh, a little action, like, what are we talking about? And so anyway, when we looked it up, we found one, he was like, Yeah, go ahead and order it. So he made me order it on the spot. And I'm laughing because I'm like, one, I know he's gonna do it because that's his great grandchild. But then it was like, two, he is going to make sure no child is left lacking anything. Okay, you need shoes, you want some peppermint, whatever it is, whatever the child is lacking, he is going to make sure that it gets tough. Yeah, he's gonna make sure that child always feels special.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:13

Uh, Lisa, if you want to chime in with your messages, if you have any.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:19

I get there's more reflection there. Uh, just thinking about daddy and how he does different things. When you see this story unfold, you can see where a lot of those things come from. You can see an inherited trait when you see things that were developed in him because of less than ideal circumstances for his upbringing. Because sometimes it's young people may be the excuse to say, oh, well, I never had dad, so I don't do so and so, or I can't do such and such. Her dad, that was more the thing of because he saw things that were less than ideal, he knew I have to be the opposite of that. And I think that's part of the inherited trait to say, yeah, I'm gonna be the stand-up guy, I'm gonna be this. And the way he has carried himself as a husband and father being present in more than just a physical sense, the actually providing for it, being a support in, like Ashmi said, being that super man. Yeah, that's a tall order for anybody else to hold up because I think for the green in particular, my my siblings, there is a low threshold for foolishness when it comes to saying, uh, hey, you you gotta be the man. Yeah, it you don't you don't get wiggle big with us to say, uh, oh the no uh triton does does not hold up and excuses they don't wash because if we had never seen this, you might have led the standard, but sorry for you, muddy, but this right here's it. This is the measurement thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:02

Yeah, she's right about that. In a hair and take care of your white.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:08

And anything less than that is unacceptable. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:13

For me, I think with the three, because I mentioned all of my grandparents had passed away by the time I was 10. So I don't have that emotional connection. So I feel like with our raised grandfather, I don't know. I sort of envision it like I would see myself where I am in this moment in life. Just casual conversation. I think I would want to know, did you actually know, or if you didn't know and suspected what raised those suspicions just to understand from his perspective? Um for Danny, something in me feels compelled that I would hug the child that is in him that didn't get that validation from the parent that he wanted. Um and when you reassure a child, everything's good, like not gonna be everything is okay. I think to provide that reassurance, and yes, I love you, and I see myself bridging that with the biological grandfather. In my mind, I see a visual of having this little boy and being with his father, and we all come in for this embrace together. I love my father. Mr. C is my biological grandfather, and like Mirda said, I love him. I can't tell you why, I can't tell you how because I've never met the man, but I love him because he's a part of me. Had he not been in this story, none of us would be here. But I just do, and in my mind, and y'all have seen the photo. So the picture that was on the obituary for Mr. C that they showed us, and I showed y'all that picture of daddy that he had on that. So the smiles are identical, and I'm like, this man, like, all I can think about is he looked like so much fun. I hate that I didn't physically get those experiences with him or get to know him, but I'm excited to get to know him and learn of him through the cousins who knew him. So, like I said, just getting my hands on pictures and whatnot. So, just yeah, nothing but love for you too, Mr. C. So thank you. Um, whatever the circumstances are, got my dad here, and in turn, got all the rest of us here. So we thank you for that.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:23

Yes, we do.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:24

This was a great discussion. It was. Um, yeah, that's all I have for tonight. Anyone, I know that was like the closing thought, but if you have anything else you'd like to say before we wrap, feel free.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:36

No, think we'll just save it for the next podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:39

Okay, yeah, I was gonna suggest maybe you and Brother Teacher could talk about, as y'all are close in age, about the absence of grandparents and how it wasn't. I thought about that one. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:54

Brother Teacher is the nickname I've given Ashley's husband. Yeah, I do look forward to that. I thank y'all too, because I made y'all look at pictures every day for like three months. I've been like, look at this person. He got the widow's peak just like, what do y'all think? And I'd be like, here's the top three matches. What do you think about this? Y'all were subjected to my endless research, stories, pictures. So thank you for your time and attention because you didn't have to be so gracious.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:22

Yes, we saw I saw so many pictures. I you was like, Don't he look like this? And I was like, I don't even know if I really can see it, or if I've just seen so many pictures that by fission that many pictures that I was like, do he, or am I just wanting him?

SPEAKER_04 1:23:39

Listen, that widow's I told y'all the hair is not gonna lie. Because when we got the photo of that first brother, I looked at that, I said, Oh my, when I say I have never seen anybody in life wear that hairstyle baddy, and now I see a second person, I said, You are not getting ready to convince me that these two people are not related. So then when I showed him when he saw it, he said, Whoa, wow. Yeah, we do look alike. But for him, the hair was secondary, it was the facial structure with the nose, the whole thing was just amazing. So, an incredible story that I hope this story inspires other people to dig a little deeper into their family histories and be respectful where you can, because you'll hear in episode one where I did run into opposition along the way, and I had to push pause in certain areas, but it got to a point where I can't take no for an answer anymore. It is your right to know where you come from, it is your right to know who your parents are, and don't let anybody ever tell you or convince you that it's not, and don't let anybody ever stop you from finding the answers that are due to you. So, hope this serves as an encouragement. I hope you all enjoyed the story. So, thanks for joining us today, Merida Thieves and Ashley. Thank you all again for your time, and we look forward to talking soon.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:03

Good night.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:04

Good night.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:06

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:10

Don't forget to subscribe so that you don't miss bloodlines and beginnings part three when it drops. My BFF will be joining me to share her perspective as she accompanied me on a trip to California to meet my DNA cousin Match, who played a major role in all of this. If today's episode made you laugh, feels clean or gave you a little bit of a day. We hope you continue to hold on to that. Don't forget to like and subscribe and connect with us on social media. Until next time, this is episode.