Recoverycast: Mental Health & Addiction Recovery Stories
Explore powerful, real-life mental health and addiction recovery stories in authentic, engaging conversations. Each episode spotlights relatable journeys shared by influential voices—from struggles and setbacks to moments of resilience, hope, and healing. This podcast is a safe, supportive space where vulnerability is celebrated, connections flourish, and listeners find reassurance that lasting recovery and mental wellness are truly possible. Tune in for inspiring narratives, practical guidance, and a compassionate sober community to accompany you on your personal path to healing.
Recoverycast: Mental Health & Addiction Recovery Stories
Suzanne Warye | From Postpartum OCD & Blackout Drinking to Sober Mom Life Advocacy
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Suzanne Warye’s addiction recovery story explores her journey from high-functioning binge drinking to building a sober life rooted in authenticity. She shares the hidden dangers of mommy wine culture, her struggles with postpartum OCD, and the healing power of choosing sobriety—before hitting rock bottom.
Find alcohol treatment near you: https://recovery.com/condition/alcohol/
Find OCD treatment near you: https://recovery.com/condition/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/
Learn more about Suzanne: https://thesobermomlife.com
Chapters:
00:00:00 Opening & “Brain on Drugs” vs Alcohol Norms
00:01:00 You Qualify for Sobriety Without Rock Bottom
00:02:00 Wisconsin Culture, First Drink & Belonging
00:05:00 Party Girl Era, Blackouts & Shame
00:15:00 The Moderation Myth & Choosing Sobriety
00:16:00 Motherhood Safety Wake-Up Call (Blackout Nursing)
00:18:00 De-Romanticizing Day Drinking & Summer Myths
00:21:00 Mommy Wine Culture & Targeted Marketing
00:27:00 Postpartum OCD, Intrusive Thoughts & Therapy
00:36:00 Jan 19, 2020: First Steps, Books & Lockdown
00:56:00 How Relationships Changed—Husband, Family, Community
01:01:00 Sober Summers, Present Parenting & Hope
Questions this video answers:
Do you need a rock bottom to quit drinking?
Why does “moderation” often backfire with alcohol?
How is mommy wine culture marketed to moms?
What made Suzanne decide to stop drinking in 2020?
How can intrusive thoughts or postpartum OCD show up for parents?
What helped in early sobriety during lockdown?
How do relationships and parenting change in sobriety
What practical first steps support alcohol-free living?
How do you handle grief without turning to alcohol?
Where can moms find sober community and resources?
#QuitDrinking #SoberMomLife #MommyWineCulture
You know, growing up in the 90s, it was all drugs. This is your win on drugs, right? The egg and the smack. And yes. And I'm like, well, obviously, I don't want my brain to do that. But alcohol, I mean, fair game.
SPEAKER_01Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. We are joined today by Suzanne Wari. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Yes, absolutely. So, um, Suzanne is uh host of Sober Mom Life Podcast, Recovery Advocate. Um, super excited to get into your story. But before we dive in, I would like you to tell us one thing that you would like listeners and soon readers of a book that's coming out. What would you like them to learn from this podcast and your book?
SPEAKER_00Oof, okay, where do I begin? I think if there's one thing that I had to choose, it is that you qualify for sobriety no matter what anyone else says or what anyone assumes you have or have not lost to alcohol. So even if it looks from the outside like you haven't lost anything, you don't have to wait. You don't have to wait to lose more. You qualify for a full life without alcohol.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I think that is such a wonderful theme. Um, especially because you kind of blew up before even choosing a sober life, you were already an influencer. So let's take it back to the very beginning. What was your original relationship like with alcohol? When did that all kind of start for you? Oh man.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, I'm from Wisconsin. Yay! Welcome home. Welcome home. It's so good to be home. And you know, saying that means it it began very early. Yeah. We drink in Wisconsin. To stay warm. Yeah. Yeah. To stay warm, to stay hydrated, just all past the time. Yeah. It's incorporated in everything. Everything. And of course, I didn't realize that. I didn't realize how alcohol soaked our culture is until I stepped out of it, way later. But I started drinking, I think I was 15 or 16. So I was in high school. Pretty standard, I feel like. Yeah, I think so too. And and I I can specifically remember my first drink. And I felt, and I write about it in the book. I felt like, oh my God, I belong. I am one of the cool people that I always wanted to be. And I feel connected. Yeah. I am, and so that was really a through line for me is I thought that alcohol was like fast track to connection. When I meet someone new, like, let's just like get drunk and tell each other our like darkest secrets. Right.
SPEAKER_01Just like vomit out all of that stuff. It's kind of unhinged. It feels so good in that moment. Like those bathroom besties that you exactly.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's the thing. Like it would be someone that I just met or the bathroom attendant. And my husband's like, can we go? And I'm like, well, hold on. I'm listening about her nephew that I really need to know. She's my best friend. And so I remember very early on feeling like, okay, this is the thing that can make me feel not alone and connected. And, you know, I was still, my story's not a rock bottom story. I didn't lose everything to alcohol, even in high school. I would drink, and then I was also, you know, National Honor Society and student council girl. And that continued into college. I became a party girl, which I loved being a party girl because there was power in being a party girl. I was a bartender in college too, even before I could drink. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And that right there feels like a community too, because like those are the people you're bartending with, like you're in the thick of it. It's kind of like a lifestyle of totally. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I loved the night. I loved like walking into a club and I could feel the bass like in my heart. The ace of bass in my heart. It's a heart tons.
SPEAKER_01It's just so good. When you were working there, were you 21 though? No. Same as me. Like I was in these bars, probably working because I wanted to be a part of this scene, but I wasn't old enough to like actually get in there. Which is that legal? I don't know. Yeah, you can because I was a bar trainer at 18, and which was so funny because it's like legally I can't drink it. So it was weird for me to like make these things and I didn't understand it. Yeah, because like what was your first drink? Oh my god, just straight vodka. Yeah. Mine. Like horrible vodka. Yeah. Mine was at like a party. I was a freshman and it was gold schlagger. And I mixed it with orange juice because I had no idea what I was doing. Yeah. Gold with the gold flakes? It's like orange and gold matches. We'll give this a swing. It's obviously goes. Yeah, that connection thing. You're like, people want to be around me. I'm so fun. They have this like fun idea of who I am. In like your environment of friends, is everyone doing this? Like, is their relationship with alcohol the same?
SPEAKER_00Looking back, no, I don't think their relationship with alcohol was the same. I think I was definitely the pusher. I was the bad influence, and I was the one saying, come on, like we can go out. Let's drink $5 for a red solo cup. Like, you got it. I'll get you another one. Yeah. Like power hour, all of like binge drinking, very unhealthy. But then, yes, we were all doing it, right? And so we would, I and I was a blackout drinker. We probably all did that though. Yeah. Is blacked out and then, you know, connected our memories and helped each other put the pieces together Sunday morning at Perkins over fluffy pancakes. And so it did. Denny's moons over my hand. See? Yes. There you go. It just didn't feel like no one was alarmed.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because at like that age and with everyone kind of doing it, it's more like silly antics than like this was 20 years from now and I was doing the same thing. I I wouldn't feel this way about it. Right. But like, why does age really matter? No. When consumption is like the thing.
SPEAKER_00It's so true. And I do think when I look back, I did feel shame.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, it's impossible for me to divorce the shame that I felt from drinking, and then the shame that I felt from the acts that I did when I was drinking, including hooking up with guys that I would not want to, right? And that is, I write about that in the book too of you know, the walk of shame, which is absolutely insane. But that's what it's like. Is there a is there a word or a phrase counter one for him? Right. As he's like laying in the safety of his bed. No, the shame was reserved for me. And I really, I felt that. I didn't talk about it. Yeah. It was just an internal dialogue that had started very young of this isn't okay what you're doing. You're not, you're not treating yourself, you're not valuing yourself the way you should, but I don't know how to do that.
SPEAKER_01I don't have the tools to not do this. And like if this is what's happening around me, it's easier to do this and to attempt to jump off this hamster wheel on my own. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And because I did also like it. Yeah. It was fun. Like I wasn't a lunatic, right? And so I was getting something out of this lifestyle of let's party. I loved, like I said, walking into the club and really having the power to say, like, who is it tonight? Yeah. Right? Which one? And I liked that. And that was intoxicating for me. And then alcohol just kind of went along with that and really allowed myself not to feel then and not to tell the truth about, oh, hold on. You know, when I'm giving away this precious part of me, what is that taking? Right. And I didn't have to answer that.
SPEAKER_01What other feelings do you feel like that was hiding?
SPEAKER_00What were you like trying to hide? Have you looked into it? Yeah, I think I was masking feeling unlovable and being afraid that I wasn't valuable enough to protect, enough to maybe um love me without this party girl persona, without alcohol, without just me as I am. Um, you know, that extends in back into childhood and my parents got divorced when I was little. And that's just something that was in there. And it's something that even as a 44-year-old, I work through and I've come a long way with. But alcohol really did a great job helping me mask all of that. Yeah. And not just not having to feel that.
SPEAKER_01Also, like child of divorce in that moment. Sometimes you you, I don't know how that situation went for you. It went like well for me, and I never felt like affected by it until I was older. I realized, oh, that's why I do this thing. Like, this is why I I pull into this for this sense of like power or control, because at this point I felt like I lost control. Was that ever an issue for you?
SPEAKER_00So for me, it was about trust. And and my parents' divorce was not good. Um, I write about that a lot in the book too, and how it affected me. Um, you know, feeling more like a pawn, my brother and I, to be used rather than, you know, scared children to be protected. My dad then went off the deep end of drinking and partying, and we were with him mostly. And so I also saw, I saw alcohol firsthand and, you know, probably deep down, I'm sure, um, saw what it could take and that it just, you know, wreaks havoc, but also saw an adult turning to it for a party and for fun and to escape. And so that played a part in why then I turned to alcohol. You know, it's interesting because my dad was told that he had to quit drinking. I think I was 10, and he had gone hard. And the doctor was like, You have to quit drinking if you want to dance at your daughter's wedding. And he did. He quit, but there was never a conversation around it. It was just he wasn't in recovery, he didn't go to rehab, there wasn't an alcoholic situation. It was just that this is how this used to be. Yeah, there are no more parties now. And but he did tell me this is why I'm quitting. I'm quitting because my the doctor said I wouldn't be able to dance with you at your wedding. And that probably was a lot of pressure on a little 10-year-old saying, okay, I think now I have to save my dad. I think I did save my dad in that way. I need to find a relationship. I need to get ready to fill things. And just like kind of like, it's up to me now what happens to my dad. And that, you know, I write in the book again how that turned out. And that's a very heartbreaking story for me because of course I can't save my dad.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I wasn't able to. He did stop drinking, and the the next time he drank was at my wedding, like 23 years later. Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01Isn't that crazy? Yeah, it's like an interesting time, maybe. Yeah. That reward thought process or something.
SPEAKER_00I guess we didn't talk about it. There was just zero conversation around alcohol. I think, you know, growing up in the 90s, it was all drugs. This is your brain on drugs, right? The egg in the yes. And I'm like, well, obviously, I don't want my brain to do that. So that's fine. And I never got into drugs. Like I would smoke weed, but I hated it. Um, but alcohol, I mean, fair game. Like all about it. That's fine. That's it.
SPEAKER_01I felt like alcohol was like, don't do it, or else you're gonna get kicked out of the sports. But it's like, what's the magnitude of this really? Because, like, yeah, you guys really drilled in about like narcotics and stuff. That was crazy. Totally. Yeah, I won like the Dare Award in the fifth grade. That was wild. I mean, congrats. Thank you so much. It's still in the world. Yeah, that's huge. Yeah. But yeah, alcohol's kind of different. They kind of just teach you like it's just bad, just bad, bad, bad. But we don't talk about like the why behind it. And I feel like a lot of families too, if it's like a shame thing, shame is so woven into addiction and mental health and just like people's struggles in general. And I feel like that's what keeps people from talking about it. Like you're working through your own shame. How do I open up to someone that I love so much? Um, that I like I want I don't want them to view me different. So it's like hard for people to navigate that. Yeah, it's the weakness, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Of if I I know for me, shame is the most corrosive thing to feel, right? Yeah. Sobriety for me requires feeling it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right. Like I had to, when I quit drinking, I had to make eye contact with my shame and say, from decades of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, not a rock bottom one, not anything that I could point to to say, you have lost this, you've gotten a DUI, you've been arrested, none of that. And so it was this like muddier place of sure, maybe it doesn't look like I've lost something, but on the inside, and my shame would tell me, you know, very differently. Yeah. And I had to be able to look at that. And that's hard. Like that is hard, but that's what it requires.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And you talk about this a lot, not having to hit that rock bottom. Like you can just decide before it goes to shit. Yeah. That like, and it doesn't have to. And sometimes going to shit just can be like, this doesn't work for me anymore. This doesn't have to be a part of my life. What were, and not your rock bottom, but what were some of the things that you're just like, this is making this not right for me anymore. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, I don't think I knew that until I quit. Like, I wasn't open to my alcohol stories. I wasn't anytime like old stories would come up, it would kind of just be like a jump scare. And I'm like, oh, obviously, put that away because I'm not gonna do that. And then the day that I decided, and it, you know, it's called like spontaneously sober, meaning like I I wasn't sober curious. I had never tried to stop drinking. I just and it sounds insane now, but I think a lot of women in particular are in this position that I just truly didn't think it was an option for me. I thought I just had to drink better. I thought I just like, and I did. I did drink better.
SPEAKER_01You talk about this too, moderation and it's kind of BS, and you put yourself through like, oh, okay, let's add this mental load of some athletic Olympic sport of moderation.
SPEAKER_00Yes. I mean, you say moderation, and I actually like yes, I I cringe, like I can feel it because we're taught that that's the goal. Just moderate and and you're fine. That's just it's not the case when it comes to a highly addictive substance that changes your brain the second it hits your tongue, especially if you struggle with it.
SPEAKER_01It's like maybe you can just can't trust yourself. Why, why, why do that?
SPEAKER_00And yeah, and so then you ask about like if there wasn't a rock bottom, what was it? And it was all of those like chipping away at at me. And yes, can I be myself? Can I trust myself in any situation? In any situation. The very obvious question that I came to in January 2020 was no, if alcohol was invited, if I invited alcohol along, I couldn't. I couldn't say without a doubt, like undoubtedly, that I could get my kids home safely. I had every time I I had, they've never seen me drunk. I had never, but no, I can't say that because it was a huge question mark. And it was the question mark when I was young was exciting, right? When I'm 20 and I don't have kids, and I and it's just me and and I don't really value myself that much anyway. The question mark's exciting. Like, okay, what's gonna happen? Who knows? How exciting is that? The question mark at 39 years old was terrifying. The day I quit drinking the night before, I blacked out. I had just had my third baby and I nursed him in a blackout. He was three months old. I don't remember it, obviously, but there's no way he slept through the night. He he just was three months old and I was still nursing him. I might have even nursed him twice, who knows? And that was the first for me in motherhood. I had never, while my drinking story was I did blackout a lot, I really kept it on the rails in motherhood. It was it was so much willpower that, and that's why I say like I I like rocked moderation. Yeah. So I was like, I've got this, I've got this down, and it can't get me anymore. Like, even though I hated it and I thought about it too much. That night it got me. And waking up, I was like, oh, okay, that's it. That's and I always say I don't have a rock bottom, and maybe some people will listen to this and say, like, that is a rock bottom. Like, you nursed your baby in a blackout. And you know, that it's it's subjective. Maybe it is. It was for me, it was enough for me to say it's a wake-up call. That's it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Another thing um that I really appreciate you talking about is this romantic the romanticization of alcohol in our lives and how we are made to think it's this like beautiful swirling martini thing. Um, that we're like living our best lives, woo-hoo with like the alcohol, but like the lack of the reality of it.
SPEAKER_00Oh man. Yeah, talk about that a little bit. I think the most romanticized alcohol is is day drinking, right? In the summer. And day drinking for me, hell on earth. You are either blacked out by 7 p.m. or you're hung over by 7 p.m. and like hating life. And that is the reality of alcohol, it is far more dangerous and harmful than this thing that we've been taught. You know, it goes back to what we were talking about that yeah, we count down to when we turn 21 to when we can drink, right? Yeah. And we're like, okay, this is a privilege. You know, just you can vote at 18, you can gamble, and now you can drink. Yeah, like yeah, the world is yours. Yes, like now you're really you've really made it. And you and your unformed brain have fun with it. Yeah, yeah. And and counting down to it, then we've just been taught that alcohol is a privilege. Being able to drink it, yeah, is a privilege. If you can't, right? If you get a DY, if you have hit rock bottom, if you've lost, then you lose the privilege. And now your punishment is sobriety. And that is if you take anything away from this podcast, it is that that is so dangerously wrong. It's not a punishment. No, we hear that come up a lot in the forever question. Oh, are you done drinking forever? Like, are you it's like, yeah, I hope. Yeah, I I hope so. For my sake, yes, because like I I love this. I love being able to feel my feelings, be present, be present. Yes, yeah, and like healthy ways to escape, right? Like, I love not having to play the mental games of moderation and weighing all of these, looking at her glass. Okay, is she gonna order another one? Or should I order? Should I wait? Maybe I should wait. Maybe I should have water. All of these things, like, do you know how much brain power I have freed just to say, oh my God? And that's what I felt when I decided. It was like relief of like, oh, oh, I don't have to do this. Yeah. And then, and I wanted everybody else to know, like, wait, do you guys know we don't have to do this anymore? Like, we, even if you haven't lost it, like, you don't have to do it.
SPEAKER_01You don't have to wait for the bad parts. It's just like a good thing to take. It isn't a punishment. Yeah. That kind of weaves itself into like mommy wine culture too. Yeah. There's something that you really I just loved it. It was like, we act like, you know, like, oh my gosh, I'm so tired. Like, his drive me crazy today. Let's go drink. It's like, that's actually not what you need. Like, what do you need? Do you need sleep? Do you need more water? This one doctors tell me, like, go, go take a nap. You have this, they drove you crazy. Like, take some you time, like, do some real things for you.
SPEAKER_00Because that's like actually like taking away it's crazy making, and it actually makes me so upset because it's not. I talk about this in the book, it's not by accident that moms have been targeted by big alcohol, right? I think that we tend to think that moms maybe just stumbled on this really great solution of like, oh, did you know that wine actually makes motherhood easier? Oh my God, tell your friends. Like, no, it was a very targeted effort by big alcohol and marketing because they needed a new audience, because they needed new customers, and you know, packaging it up in this women's empowerment thing. It's always been that moms are are the market that that we buy for the household, right? Yes, exactly. And we are struggling now more than ever, especially on the heels of COVID 19 when moms really we took the brunt of a lot of that. We became teachers. Oh, oh my God. I tried that for one day, one day, and my four year old was like, You're not a real teacher. I'm like, You're right. Dying, thank God.
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah, I did that for three weeks. I was just like, these teachers are like, three weeks took a lot. Yeah, it was. And then I got like called back and I was like, Thank you, thank you. These teachers, you need to make a million dollars a day. Exactly. It was insane.
SPEAKER_00No, it it was insane. And and moms, you know, we did it because of course. That's just what you do. Of course, we would do it to keep our kids safe and and healthy and thriving. But the cost was us.
SPEAKER_01I think that tends to be a pretty common thing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You put other people's needs before yours.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Constantly. And I I just have so much compassion for the mom who is struggling and who has been told that alcohol will help. And alcohol can be the hero and can swoop in and help you relax and help you sleep and help you just escape from this like maddening motherhood circus that's going on. And she doesn't know how highly addictive alcohol is. Yeah. Right. I I don't think that's talked about nearly enough. And so just this, you know, glass or two of wine at night then turns into three. It turns into a bottle. All the while she's seeing these reels, which is where mommy wine culture thrives on Instagram. And like, okay, well, this influencer is doing it. And she's thriving and she's gorgeous, and she's, you know, fine with her kids. Like, what's wrong with me? I'm just not doing it right.
SPEAKER_01I'm just not drinking well. That's how I felt about it. I felt like before like Instagram, we had like we ours was like reality TV. We grew up with like real world and all of those shows that showed people like rarely, I never saw people working. I always saw people like drinking all the time, partying, having fun. And you just thought they were like the coolest people ever. So you're like, oh my gosh, like I'm trying to do that same thing and I'm failing. I'm actually like, I feel like crap the next day. I'm throwing up. I can't hold it together. I'm trying to hold it together. I'm like drowning in shame. Because like that's not how it's supposed to be. We were fed this like clips of things that people were kind of doing. Same thing with like real housewives, you know what I mean? Just like the ability to like just drink and do stuff like that. I just don't think that's realistic. It's not. No, and it's not sustainable. And it's like horrible that we've been fed this, that that's something that we're supposed to like live up to. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00And and as moms, like something that will help us and something that will save us from the just heartbreaking thing of losing ourselves in motherhood. Right. And now we're just losing ourselves in addiction that we didn't see coming. And I was an influencer before I was a sobriety influencer. I was a motherhood and style and lifestyle influencer. And I know what's going on behind the scenes with these influencers. I know that, you know, when she says she's drinking tequila for breakfast, tequila with orange juice because her doctor said she needs more vitamin C. I know she's not doing that. I was hired by, you know, a a vodka brand who wanted to feminize their product. So they put flowers on the label and called it botanical. And I didn't drink it. I I took very pretty pictures. This was in like 2017 when it was the wild, wild west of influencing and I had like zero morals and influencing. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It was just like, oh my God, you're gonna pay me how much? Yeah, of course I'll take this. And I poured it down the drain because I'll make it look pretty, but I'm not gonna drink like I have shit to do. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna drink it. I can't. And so I know she's not drinking tequila and orange juice for breakfast. Yeah. But the mom in Iowa or Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska is looking at this and saying, oh my God, look what she's doing. Okay, good. She seems happy. Yes. Okay, good. This is this means that like I'm doing the right thing. I'm on the right track. And it's it's just it's just heartbreaking and really requires us to stand up and say, actually, no, this is a targeted campaign to make sure you get addicted. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Not only just as women and mothers, but like it also plays into a group of people who are vulnerable in the fact of our like our mental health. Not all women in general, but like moms, we're dealing with a lot of stuff and might not go seek help and address the things that we are actually dealing with. And we're covering it up with substance use because we don't, I don't have that. I'm not crazy. Yeah. But we're losing it and we can't hold it together. And we are crazy. We are. Yeah, but it's just like, nope, the the drink. That'll be like the fine part. And it's like, no, because adding that alcohol to your mental health disorder is exacerbating it, especially with postpartum depression, too. Yes. And I know that's something that you struggled with. Um, we are OCD sisters. Oh, yes. And yes, uh, these things exacerbate it. With OCD and motherhood, how did that present prior? I'm curious, like, how did that present prior? And then what was that like after having a child? Did any of that change for you?
SPEAKER_00It did. So I didn't know I had OCD until having a child. And and still then I thought it was postpartum OCD. Yeah. I didn't realize it was like, oh, I've always had OCD because I I didn't know what it was. Yeah. Um, for me, it manifested as what's the worst that could happen. Yeah. Kind of in every situation of my life. And I dealt with that. That was fine. I mean, a lot of anxiety, a lot of like, you know, injuries. You learn to deal with it. So I think you like normalize it in your brain.
SPEAKER_01Yes. But if you were to say the things, we're like, that's actually not normal. That's actually like, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But once I had a child, and it was when my child was five months old, I was peeling a pear and right next to her. And and uh the thought came in. And and it was always I had a lot of anxiety, like, what's the worst that could happen? Something could happen. I could, you know, drop her, I could accidentally and then my brain was like, no, that's not the worst. The worst that could happen is you do it, right? And so that I was just haunted and terrorized by that thought, and I struggled way too long in silence. Really, I tried to reach out for help, but my my family didn't know. I mean, I was just terrified for a year and a half until then I um the thought of me taking my life became a relief. And it was like the best idea I had ever had. Because of course, if it's her or me, it's gonna be me. Yeah, like that just suddenly became very clear. And thankfully I had the wherewithal to say, like, I don't think I'm supposed to feel relief at this thought. Like, I think that's a really bad thing. This is also why in early motherhood I didn't drink. Um, because I was so I could have gone either way, really. I could have chosen to drink to help drown out those thoughts, but I was so hyper-vigilant of my actions and my thoughts and what I was gonna do that there was just no room. I just couldn't and so yeah, then I finally said the scariest thing, and I wasn't met with you know, oh my god, you're a danger. I was met with oh you have OCD. Yeah, like I'm sorry, what I didn't oh, I so I'm not a danger to my baby. And my lovely therapist was like, no, the the the fact that you are so consumed with terror by these thoughts shows that like this is not who you are, this is not what you want. It's just your brain. Yeah, your brain is different and we can fix it. And so I went to therapy, I got on medication um, that I'm still on and and will be forever.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I'm so happy that that was the response that you got because uh like I've had similar thoughts and it's really scary. And how do you verbalize to somebody that like this is our child, and like I I am having these looping thoughts? And it is because it's just like a it's that's just the way your brain works. Mine was always like uh along with just other thoughts, was like something bad's always gonna happen. Like I'm constantly preparing, and I think it became more of an issue after I had kids. And you try and think, like in therapy, you're like maybe it was just because I was in my head and I only had to take care of me where I didn't realize it was such an issue. Yeah. And I internalized it for that first like 25 years. Um, but then when it was someone else I had to protect in this world, that's when I realized it was a problem. Like staying up late at night, like how if somebody breaks in, like, is her mattress gonna fit through the window? It was like, are we gonna get out this way? Do we get out that way if the person comes through? Like all of these thoughts that I thought were normal. And then after talking to someone, they're like, no, like that people actually don't think about things. Was there a point like when you noticed, or what was the difference for you when you're like, this is worrying and this is OCD?
SPEAKER_00I didn't know that those thoughts were OCD. I just did, I didn't, I didn't know. And that's I always I always want to talk about it. Yeah, you know, and I always want to share this because I don't think we're taught like about our thoughts and especially intrusive thoughts with OCD. And we're, you know, you hear people say, like, oh, I'm OCD, I like things neat. And I'm like, oh, I'm the messiest person you will ever meet.
SPEAKER_01Right, that's but if you mess with my mess, I'll lose it because it's my organized chaos and I put it that way for a reason. Right. And I need you to logically explain to me why it should not be this way.
SPEAKER_00And that's just not like liking things neat and organized. Maybe it's OCPD, right? But OCD is like a very like, it takes over your brain and your life, and it's you're you're haunted by intrusive thoughts. And the lack of trust in yourself.
SPEAKER_01Yes. It when people are like, oh, you do this repetitively, I was like, I actually don't mean to do it repetitively. I go to lock the door because I literally don't trust myself that I already did the thing. Yes. It's not about the specific number. Um, yeah, it's a control thing. And sometimes they like flare up more when you're a little bit more stressed. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Ten years ago, I would never, I would have never thought that having OCD would feel like a gift and kind of a superpower. And and I would have done anything to make it so that I wasn't having those thoughts. And even now I have grief about that being, you know, the first year of my daughter's life and what I lost. You've gained so much since then. I I have. And you know, it's really given me such a specific perspective on my brain and my thoughts. Yes. And it really taught me that our brains are so fucking wrong. Yeah. I mean, like, all the time. And and the thoughts that we have, not the intrusive thoughts, just like the regular thoughts that people have, are fucking crazy. Like, we don't trusting our thoughts is a dangerous thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we'll have whole like like we'll have a short conversation, go and then like overanalyze it to the point where it's like, I think this thing, then the other person. If you were to actually say like, absolutely not, but I've already done the thinking process and the looping. So I I know how you feel. It doesn't matter how you really feel, like I've decided how you feel.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. It's helped me in sobriety, especially in early sobriety. You know, a lot of women in the Silver Mom Life Cafe, which is my community, talk about we're just very focused on our thoughts about alcohol in early sobriety. Yeah. Right. And we're like, oh my God, I'm thinking about a drink. What does that mean? Does that mean that I'm going to drink? And do I want to drink? Oh my God. And we can get really bogged down in our thoughts. And instead, I think having OCD and that specific relationship with my brain allowed me to put some space in between my thoughts and me. Like my thoughts are something else. Yeah. My thoughts are not me. Because if my thoughts were me, you guys, I would be a monster locked up forever and ever, right? I'm sure everybody here would. Like all our thoughts are insane. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Like if we actually if there was like a scrolling ticker, I'd be covering it up. Yes, exactly. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Like our thoughts are. And so if you're going to spend a lot of time and attention on your thoughts about alcohol and drinking in early sobriety, also spend a lot of time and attention on the other thoughts that you have and see if you give those as much weight, right? If it's like the UPS man is hot and and you know, what are your thoughts about him? Okay, well, you're not, your marriage isn't in trouble because you had that thought about the UPS man, right? Like you're not gonna do that. And so it's the same with alcohol.
SPEAKER_01This podcast is brought to you by recovery.com. Recovery.com is a place where anyone can find mental health or addiction treatment options specific to them. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and so much more. Recovery.com is the best place to find mental health or addiction treatment for anyone, anywhere. Once you did decide to get sober, what what were the next steps for you? Um, and did you tell people? Was it just like, this is for me right now? I'll kind of like take it as it is. What were your goals for yourself?
SPEAKER_00Oh my God, I had no goals because I had no idea what I was doing. So it was it was January 19th, 2020, which you'll remember what happened in March 2020. Yeah. And so I just woke up with the horrible hangover, the shame of nursing my baby, hearing my husband downstairs with the girls. And, you know, after a day on the couch and feeling just the lowest I had felt as a mom about myself, I told my husband I'm done. And he kind of was like, Oh, that's cute, right? Yeah, like a port, yeah. Never again. Yes, like I'm never drinking again. Yes. And I said I'm done, and I heard myself say it, and I just thought I'm going to do whatever I have to do so that I just told the truth. I will make sure I just told the truth. It doesn't matter what he believes or what he thinks. And it's not like he he wasn't like, no, you're not. Like it wasn't nothing about that. It was just about me. And so I got up off the couch, and that day I searched in Audible, I think, just you know, books about sobriety. Because I had no, I had never searched that before. I had never, this was an entirely new thing for me. And I found I think the first book I found was This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Um, and I started listening to it. And I was like learning all of these things about alcohol that I had never known. Like I didn't know how addictive it was. I just I didn't know it was ethanol. All of the things that, you know, my 14, 15-year-old self should have learned. I had a lot of catching up to do. And then from that point on, I really was listening to Quitlet. There weren't a lot of podcasts. Yeah. And so it was really, it was, you know, Annie Grace, Laura McCowan, Hollywood occurred. It was all of those books, Catherine Gray. It was the I was just one AirPod in, and I had a five, a two and a half, and a three-month-old. Oh my gosh. Two and a half year old and a three-month-old. And so And you were choosing yourself at this moment. I know.
SPEAKER_01I absolutely love it.
SPEAKER_00And it was like the it was impossible. Oh my gosh. Right? Like how? And I didn't factor in my husband. He was still drinking. I didn't ask him if he was okay with this. I wasn't like, hey, I'm thinking of flipping the script and not drinking. No, it was it was for the first time as a mom, I was like, I am number one. You guys stay alive. Like, make I'm stay alive, but like it's me right now. Love one ear open to make sure like you're good. There will be food in the fridge. Yeah. Like get yourself a snack. But but like this is for me. It's beautiful. I love that. Yeah. I did that for well, I mean, then we were in a lockdown. So I did that for a long time. Yeah. And also the sweet spot of that was the kind of hibernation.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Of like, I don't have to worry about outside yet. Like, I'm not even gonna think about that because that was off the table. And so because we couldn't go out there anyway. Yep. That noise is turned off. Yeah. Like, and so let me just figure this out. And then slowly I started to say, okay, I've learned what alcohol is. Got it. Okay. I've learned what it can do to us. And I've heard horror stories, right? I've heard the rock bottom stories. The healthy fear of alcohol that I didn't have is forming. And now it's time to go back and talk about my stories. Yes. And like those stories that were jump scares before, like maybe I just slowly start to think about them at first. Maybe I write them down. Yes. And then maybe I start to talk about them. And so slowly, like that's that's what I did.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're like acknowledging you're working on yourself. And then at some point you're like, I think, you know, I'm breaking down this shame. And the right thing to do is like to share what's going on. Cause you already have a social media platform at this time. And it's like to be authentic and to not be having these like surface level things, to have that true connection. You opened up like what was really happening in your life. Yeah. Wow. So that you really have to be breaking down that shame because it's a lot. It's a lot to feel, it's a lot to assume what people are going to think of you when you do start opening up about that. What was the response?
SPEAKER_00It was so it was terrifying. Yeah. Because and I I kind of tiptoed into it because I still had my style and motherhood. And then I started like a separate one that I wasn't sharing with anybody yet, right? I was just like playing around with what I thought of soft lunch. Yeah. With what I thought about my sobriety because it wasn't, there just there weren't any books or podcasts of stories like mine. Yeah. Where it was this like not sensational thing, yeah, but maybe just as damaging. And so then I started kind of playing around and I slowly would like drop it into my regular Instagram. And the response was like immediate that it was like, oh my God, I didn't know you stopped drinking. You like, tell me about it. Tell me more. Tell me more. Me too. I don't didn't have hit rock bottom, but I hate my relationship with alcohol too. And so slowly people, women started saying, like, wait, this is me. Yes. And I was like, okay, maybe I'm not alone because I had always, always, always felt alone in it. I always thought everyone else had it figured out. And that I was just the one being like, oh, what is wrong with you?
SPEAKER_01It's a really common feeling. We all feel really just like separate sometimes and untethered. And it's like we are all feeling like this lack of connection, but like, and we don't have to feel that way. Like we all just need to like get in there together.
SPEAKER_00It's it's so true. I I write about it in the book, especially I think at this time after COVID. We're just all in our houses, right? We're all in in our separate houses, just kind of like doing this motherhood thing, struggling, you know, really hard on ourselves.
SPEAKER_01Like there's a lot of pressure to like knock it out of the park every single day and make sure my kids' snacks are color-coded. Oh my God. Laundry's done, folded.
SPEAKER_00All of it. And assuming that the next house has got it covered. And they're doing it even better. Yes. They know how to do it. And it goes with alcohol too. Like that they're drinking fine. They have, they are a quote unquote normal drinker, which even saying that hurts my heart because a normal drinker, what I never met her. Um, and so when I started to finally say, like, wait, like, I just turned on the light in my house and said, hold on. I feel like maybe there the normal thing about drinking, and a normal drinker, um, you know, we question our drinking, we hate our relationship with alcohol, we make rules, then we bust through them because it's an addictive substance. We we blame ourselves for time when alcohol took over and all of this stuff. And so then, yeah, the response was was swift. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, okay, I think this is something. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that this community that you had built was like getting bigger and helping the community kind of connect within themselves because other people see that too, and it makes them feel even more open. So, with sobriety, like it, I mean, everything you're saying right now is like it's gassing me up. It's giving me joy, but it's not all butterflies and rainbows all the time. So, like, what is what did like that first, I don't know, what did that first 30 days look like for you? What did 60, 90 days like? What were those good times? But also, what was like, what did you find kind of hard?
SPEAKER_00I think it was in in the first 30 days. 30, 60, 90. It was, I hadn't reached the oh my God, I'm gonna spread this to the world, right? That was around probably six months when I started like testing the waters. First of all, it was just so many questions. It was always, always questions. Am I doing this? Is this forever? What am I doing? What can I can I not drink in a world where everyone it seems drinks, or I've always drank? I always kept coming back to the one feeling that I had on the couch. Like, and I would visualize myself on the couch that morning. I would go back there. I would feel it in my heart, right in the center of me. And I would continually come back to that. Anytime, you know, my overactive brain started to guess and try to predict and do that. I would come back. And that was hard. Yeah. That was it was exhausting. I was sad. I took so many naps. And when I couldn't take a nap because I had, you know, three under five, like I just got horizontal. Yeah. And did whatever I could so that stickers on mommy's yes. Like literally whatever you guys want to do. Like, I just need make it through the day. Yeah, I just need to rest. And and it was a way for me to love my body. It didn't feel like it then. It felt like I was lost. And it felt like an identity of mine. You know, it I had an identity crisis when I became a mom because I was like, hold on, where am I? Yeah. Like, do I fit in? I miss her. Is she okay? Yeah. Like, where did she go? I don't recognize myself, my body, my hair, like my face, you know, just all of it. And it was similar quitting drinking. You know, I was like, the party girl days had long, long been over, right? But I still, I still could tap into that on a night out with my husband, right? And what did that mean? So where where was she gonna go? Yeah. Was she, you know, what was gonna happen to her? And was I ready to let her go? So those were all of the questions that came up a lot, a lot, a lot. And then I really, it was like, I mean, I can see it in my mind. I was just like tethered to that moment on the couch. And I would just keep coming back. Yes, but remember this. Remember the feeling of waking up and knowing what had happened. Yeah. Like just keep coming back to that. I probably did that for the first year because that was the truest alcohol had ever been. I saw alcohol very clearly in that, in that moment where I said, I'm done. And I knew that the outside world and my fantasy of it would do a lot of heavy lifting of, like, no, no, no, but look at what it could be. Yeah. And right, the romanticizing it and look at what it is for everybody you have.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, chase this thing. Yeah. And meanwhile, you are wearing your body out chasing this thing that you're gonna possibly reach one day that might work for you.
SPEAKER_00Right. And so I had just seen alcohol very clearly for that one split second, and I was like, I'm gonna just keep coming back to that. Just keep coming back. And I did. I had my first sober vacation like three weeks after I started or after I quit drinking. And I didn't, I had never gone on vacation before without drinking. And it wasn't like I had never like tied one on in motherhood, but there was still red wine every night. Right. You know, there was you can, and you you can enjoy the pina coletta. Yeah, right. And so I was like, how am I gonna do this? My husband was still drinking, my mom was drinking. Like, are am I gonna not drink? And I did, I did, I did it, and I really look back at that and think that is that's the moment where I was like, okay, this is something that will stick. Because that was kind of the, you know, I was outside of my house. I was back at someplace that I would always drink. It was kind of like the true test. The environment in which you would normally yeah. Right. Like if I had gone back to drinking, I think that I would have just kept drinking. I think that I would have said, Oh, well, that was a cute little blip, and let's just get it. Tried it, can't do that. Let's stick to the operation monster. Yeah, right. And um, yeah, and I didn't. And and I kept coming back in that vacation to my like early morning beach runs. And so vacation became very much about the morning instead of the evening.
SPEAKER_01And I love that vacation. I love the success of like, I'm gonna do it. And then you went in this environment where it very much could have switched things up and maybe you know, but you thrived through it. Um, so at this point, have you are you in therapy at all? So you you get sober and you didn't do like the 12-step program. What did you use to help yourself and build those tools?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I wasn't in therapy yet. I had been in therapy a lot, yeah. Um, just in life. I wasn't then because I I think because of COVID and just the lockdown and the kids, I was like, okay, I I can't, I just can't do it right now. For me, my kind of early program, but it wasn't a program, was the quitlet and listening to it. And then I created a space where women could come together because that's what I was missing was like community and meetings. That came later, and I created it because I didn't I didn't see one, and so I was like, well, obviously, I guess I'll create one. So just have to do the way just it's up to me. Um, so I created it. I um, you know, a pivotal moment for me in my sobriety, and I write about it in the book, is when my my dad passed away just over a year into sobriety. And then it was a complicated grief thing and really heart-wrenching. And then I went into therapy and I was like, okay, this is a point where I could let alcohol back in and everyone would understand. Like, no one would say, like, would tell you it's okay. Like, I get it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like but not for you. You'd be like, no, I don't, because I made this promise to myself that no matter what. You sound like you like made it through. You did everything that you could, yeah. Yeah, you know, on your own. And that was huge on its own. Like you did that on your own with support, but like you did that.
SPEAKER_03But yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then your father passed, and it's like these are these huge life events that, like, this is why like the tools from therapy are so important. Because you can only do so much by yourself. And you can't do it by yourself. Yeah, and you mean like someone that really likes knowledge. Like, the second you were like, I want to do this, I want to know everything about it, because knowledge is power and these resources. We need more, but we all we just want to envelop everything that's there. How was that process after your father had passed? What did you use to hang on to your sobriety?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, my family and also therapy. I mean, it it was. I had to be able to speak about this thing that I had been left with, and I felt the edge of it, right? Like there was nothing taking the edge off. Everyone around me was drinking, and I understood that. I under, you know, I understood wanting to escape this really deep pain, and I couldn't. And and so it was therapy, it was talking about it. It was really, you know, I just remember this very sweet moment of. I mean, it was a lot of tears, a lot of crying, a lot of me telling my kids, um, I'm okay. I'm really, really sad right now, and I'm gonna cry. I still love you. Like, I'm still in here, I'm still your mom, but I'm also a daughter, right? Yeah. I would go in my closet. That's that was like always my safe spot, right? And I was like, just let let me fall to my knees in here. And I was having one of those closet moments, and I was just curled up on the floor crying, and my husband just came in and curled up on the floor right behind me and just hold me and held me and we were on the floor. And you know, that moment just would not have would not have been, you know, it would not have been possible had I been drinking. And I know that. And um it was a gift that I gave to myself that I allowed myself to feel the weight and just that sharp edge of the grief because um, I mean, it was just evidence of love, right?
SPEAKER_01Like and it wouldn't be fair for us and our crazy brains to allow us to feel all those negative things and not feel all those beautiful things as hard as it can be, but to be present for those moments to fully just like process and walk through it with like clarity. Yeah, yeah. Instead of having to be like, you know what, it was so rough I don't even remember it.
SPEAKER_00Right. And you know, I do have I I have compassion for people who because grief can sideline do what you can, yeah. It's so understandable if it sidelines your sobriety, right? But also, man, there's just such a there's such a beauty in allowing yourself to to feel it. And through that, getting through that was huge for me in sobriety. And I was like, oh, you know, I felt that. Like I got through it. I can I can feel socially anxious, like I can deal with nerves, I can deal with feeling left out. You just walked through the biggest storm of your life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just walked through fire, splashing a fucking puddle.
SPEAKER_00Like, oh, I got this, and and that ability to count on myself and to really like value myself and everything that makes me human and messy, and know, like, no, I got me. Like, I've got it.
SPEAKER_01That's huge. Our brains work so hard to tell us that we don't got us, that we are we should question how worthy we are and our lovability, and if it's even okay for us to tell the world what our problems are because nobody cares, you know. Why did why would anyone care? I'm running through this in my head, you know. Yeah, but yeah, are so worthy, you know? We are so worthy, and that's what that connection is for, too, just to be able to open up to people. Whoever thinks that nobody cares, like people really care, and all we want to do is hear about it. I I mean, I love hearing about like where you got your outfit, but like I want to hear about like the mess in your life and I want to connect with people. And I I one thing I I've learned, and I I feel like it's just been in this week kind of like looking over your book and learning about you is like how I wanted to connect. Cause I was like, I've yearned for connection for so long, but I was like, why do people annoy me? Like, do I really want connection? I'm like, no, I want deep connection. I don't want the superficial. I will listen to where that happened and whatnot. But maybe it's because I'm yearning so much for that deep connection. Yeah. That like it, yeah, it comes off irritable. Sorry guys, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, once you connect like this, yeah, like once you once you really connect, it makes it really, it makes it hard out there to be like, oh, I don't care that your kid is like learning Mandarin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like, who cares? Like, tell me about your trauma.
SPEAKER_01Yes, trauma dump, please. Yeah, it helps strengthen relationships in ways. Yeah, that's another thing. Like through sobriety, how have relationships changed for you? Like, what was that connection and like level of connection like prior? And then what is that like for you now?
SPEAKER_00Well, first, I'll start with my most important relationships because I'll say my husband uh also quit drinking like four years after I did. Oh, cool. My brother quit drinking and my mom quit drinking. And so, in all of these, you know, which I would have thought were already very deep connections, but there's just another level that you get to in sobriety. Not to mention the women in the cafe and the and the friends for life I have made. And it's like in sobriety, you start at, you know, 60. You're not starting at zero. Yeah. In I feel like when we're drinking, there's just that that connection is first of all, you probably forget.
SPEAKER_01I won't remember.
SPEAKER_00Like we're not gonna remember your face. Yeah, exactly. Like, what's your name again? Great. In sobriety, there's just such a commonality in this bond that you already have. That's not to say, like, everyone who's sober I'm friends with, because that's also not true.
SPEAKER_01No, but like you guys soft launch relationships. Like, yeah, sometimes you're just like, hi, I'm Brittany, and I gotta do hi. What's your name? But it's just like, oh, we're getting in at like the dirty part, and then like talk around that dirt, like that. Totally. It's not even dirty, it's just your life. It's like your life. Let's talk about your life.
SPEAKER_00Which then it's like you're accepted, and that's what it's about, right? Being able to say in these meetings, like, here's my deepest shame of, you know, we have women like, okay, yeah, my daughter held my hair when I was puking. And no one's going to be like, What? Oh my God, no, no one says that. They say, like, yeah, I've been there. Like, that wasn't you as a mom. That was you drinking. Yeah. Like, that is not you as a mom. And being able to be seen and understood and valued and loved, you know, it just for that little girl, yeah, right? For that like eight-year-old me, it's a salve. It's it's like very healing. Yes. It's and she's here. Like, I get to bring her along and say, like, yeah, look at look at what we're doing. Like, we're okay. I love you. Yeah, we're okay. And you're so valuable. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh.
SPEAKER_01I know. Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath. Um, but yeah, no, I want to hear um more about like those relationships. Like, how is that relationship with your husband? So he's decided to not drink anymore. Which was wild.
SPEAKER_00You know, this is just kind of like observing you and stuff. Kind of, yeah. It was like the influ being the influencer of my own home, right? And I had to try hard not to be like, oh my God, did you know that, you know, just popping out of the corner, oh, yeah. Hey, that's ethanol in your, you know. I of course I didn't want to do that. But yes, he saw, he was like, wait, you're kind of rocking life right now. Like your skin looks really good. And I want that up. I want that. And he decided to do a year without alcohol. The year was up this past April. And it took everything in me. And I actually failed. Because then I was like, so what are you gonna do? You know, like, yeah, is this forever? No, I didn't tell, I didn't ask him that. Um, but I was like, hey, like, what's going on? Like, how are you feeling? And he's he finally then was like, Yeah, I don't think I'm going back. Like, I can't think of a reason to go back. And and I was like, oh yeah, cash, chill, whatever, that's cool. I know, and I'm like, oh my goodness, right? And I'm like, no, that's cool. If it changes, it's fine. And it's just been, you know, we've been married for 12 years and we're we're stronger than ever because of the same thing, like the connection and being real and being able to talk through things and not having like petty fights. Yeah. When you've been drinking, feel like crap, and just want them to shut up because you're sweaty. And just like maybe picking a fight after we've been drinking or having a fight. And then if I'm drinking, he's not. I don't really trust myself to even know what I'm mad about. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so then in the morning I'm like, oh, that was just alcohol. When maybe there really was something, but I couldn't trust myself. And so now trusting, like, oh no, wait. Actually, this did make me upset. Yeah. And here we go, and then we could talk about it and not no one can be like, I was drunk, I don't know. Right. No one's discounted, right? And I don't discount myself and my feelings because the alcohol is in the mix. And so that, I mean, it's amazing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's amazing. So prior to getting sober, you your life like you don't have some like, you know, like hard fall down from grace, or like, I can't do this anymore. But what what did your life look like then as compared to now? And there's so many people that are like, you know, sobriety is something that I feel like I could lack joy in, or it's not gonna be as fun. But what does your life look like now?
SPEAKER_00You know what? I think, and I write about this in the book. I think I feel this most in summer. It hit me my first sober summer, it was like March, and I was I was looking, you know, thinking about what was coming up, and summer always gave me anxiety, even as a kid, because I think in summer, especially in Wisconsin, I live in Illinois now, but same thing. Like in summer, like people are out, right? Boat season, yeah. Boat season, day drinking. There's just more parties, there's more alcohol. And that always, I had anxiety around summer. It always felt like oh, there was just this kind of foreboding thing of I don't know what's gonna happen. It doesn't feel safe. I wouldn't necessarily say it out loud, right? It was just this like thread of anxiety and then and not knowing. Is that our spicy brain at work? Yeah, right. I think it is. And just like, okay, I'll go to this pool party. What's gonna happen? Is it is it gonna like I realized I was washing dishes and I was I was thinking of the sober summer to come ahead, and I was like, oh, it's just joy. Like I get to be at a pool party with my kids and feel like a kid, like, and and really tap into like what made summer amazing as a child. The the warm days that stretched into nights and the days that went on forever, and just being free and slip and slides and pools and all of s'mores, all of that. I get that. I get to experience that now with my kids and actually have fun. And I just wasn't there wasn't this like nervous energy. I get to go to a pool party and still be the same mom I was when I woke up. Yes. And my kids know I am like a safe zone. They can come find me, you know, if I have an anxious kid or someone who's a little bit scared in social situations. I'm I'm safety. Like she can come and find me, and I'm here. There's just not a better feeling for me as a mom. And it just feels like it feels safe and it feels free.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's so wonderful. I love it. You are glowing, and it's for a reason. Like, honestly, you just exude joy. And I'm so happy that you shared this story because you're right, you do not need to hit rock bottom. There doesn't need to be some catastrophe that happens for people to recognize you just want better for yourself, and that you deserve to wake up every single day and to be present and to be there for the people in your lives the way you want to, the way like you genuinely want to show up for people.
SPEAKER_00And to trust yourself. Yes. You deserve to be able to trust yourself because you know, like you know inside, right? You know, you know when it's time, you know when you want to examine your relationship with alcohol, you know when it doesn't feel good, like you know, and alcohol is only numbing all of that, yeah. And so stripping that away and just getting back to yourself, yes, is it is it's very it's hard and it's it's probably the hardest work that you'll do, but it's it's full of joy and freedom.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Imagine there's someone out there who's struggling right now. What's something that you want them to know?
SPEAKER_00First of all, I think the most important thing to know is that you are not alone. You might feel like everyone else has it figured out. If they don't, you're not alone. And the most important thing to do is to reach out. I created the Sober Mom Life Cafe for that exact reason. We have hundreds of women, we have meetings every single day on Zoom to make it very easy. You could do it from your home and just do it scared. Don't wait until you feel ready or comfortable. You know, I always say hop on a meeting, turn on your camera, raise your hand, or just start speaking. Even if your voice shakes, even if you're terrified, do it and then keep coming back, keep coming back, keep telling the truth about your doubts and your fears and your shame. You are strong enough to make eye contact with your shame and to feel it. And on the other side of that, there's just so much hope and freedom.
SPEAKER_01That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. Okay, so you've written a book. We've mentioned it a few times. How is that experience? Um, when does it come out?
SPEAKER_00Okay, it comes out September 30th. It's called The Sober Shift: A Modern Day Guide to Living an Abundant Sober Life. It's all of this and more. It's it's my podcast, it's my Instagram, and so much more. It's it was a hard sell at first because it's not the sensational rock bottom thing. And the sensational rock bottom stories sell books, right? Yes. That's what sells, like the it's what sells books, movies, like they want a story. And I just kept saying, no, you guys, the this is most people. Most people fall in between. Rock bottom and these like unicorn drinkers who are like one and done, which that's a unicorn. That's not normal.
SPEAKER_01Yes, absolutely. Even just like the points in your book talking about like romanticizing alcohol, like reading about like they did. We did that. We did that. I felt like crap. I thought I was gonna feel and be beautiful. And that's not that was a lie. Yeah. Um, that the mommy wine culture is just like so much stuff. It's like we can kind of think about it, but like really getting into it, I really appreciate it because I got to take a look at the book already, guys. But yes, I I am so excited for people to read this. Um, also, so where can they get your book?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so you can get it anywhere you get books. You can get it Amazon, um, Barnes and Noble, Target, Walmart Online, all of the places. Yeah. I know. I'm so excited. I mean, this book is definitely what has been missing. It's what it's the stories that I wanted to read when I quit drinking. Yes. And and it's not just my story, it's stories of women in the cafe who didn't wait to lose more and decided to choose themselves. You know, it calls out the the myth of moderation, the lie of rock bottom. It takes big alcohol to task and targeting women. Right? Yeah. Let me add them. Don't come for me. Yeah. It's it's gonna change, I think, your perspective on alcohol and sobriety. And if you've been wanting that, this book is gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01I'm so excited for this to be unleashed to the world. It's gonna open up so many wonderful conversations for people. Yes. That where do I start? Where do I start with my curiosity? Where do I start if I know I just want better for myself? Right here. That's right here. This book is it. Yeah, that's exciting. Okay. Um, and where can people find you?
SPEAKER_00Let us know all your socials. You have a lot. I know, I know, I have a lot. I'm trying to, I'm trying to pare it down. So it's Suzanne Whereye.com is our website, and then Suzanne Where I on Instagram. Start there. Um, and my podcast is called The Sober Mom Life, and that's every Monday. We have new episodes. Wonderful. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_01Again, thank you so much for being here. This conversation has been absolutely wonderful. I am honored to have you in this chair.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01I'm I'm so grateful. Thank you so much. Welcome back home to Wisconsin. Oh, thank you. It's been amazing. Yes. Well, you guys, thank you so much for joining us today. Um, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.