Brittany Jade | From Alcoholism & Cocaine to Sobriety & Family Healing

After postpartum depression triggered a relapse, Brittany Jade lost custody of her three children and spiraled from alcohol back into cocaine, Suboxone and even heroin and meth. Raised by an alcoholic father and introduced to drinking at 13, she later turned to weed, cocaine and acid during her teens and early twenties. Her story includes serious suicide attempts, a turbulent marriage, and a desperate move to California where she hoped a new start would help her get sober. Instead, postpartum stress and hidden drinking escalated into hiding vodka in cabinets and drinking nightly. A relationship with a man from detox led her to misuse Suboxone and eventually inject heroin and meth every day.

Brittany explains how losing custody forced her to confront addiction. She describes detoxing medically, logging breathalyzer tests four to six times per day and taking weekly drug screens to prove her sobriety. Despite setbacks—including psychosis and arrest—she found faith, re‑entered a 12‑step program, and built a support network that included her mother, who moved across the country to help her regain custody. Within 28 days of returning to Wisconsin she got legal custody back. Now more than five years sober, she shares practical relapse‑prevention strategies, the importance of honesty, and why recovery isn’t linear. Listeners will learn how she balances ADHD, postpartum depression and motherhood while staying sober, how she rebuilt trust with her children, and why breathalyzers and drug testing can be powerful accountability tools. Brittany’s raw story offers hope for anyone facing addiction, mental health struggles or custody battles.

Find mental health and addiction treatment near you: https://recovery.com/

From high‑stakes courtrooms to 12‑step meetings, this conversation covers relapse prevention, early warning signs, Suboxone misuse, heroin and meth recovery, and parenting in sobriety. Whether you’re searching for “alcohol addiction recovery,” “sobriety stories,” “postpartum depression treatment,” “heroin addiction story” or “relapse prevention strategies,” Brittany’s journey delivers actionable insights and inspiration. Stay tuned to hear how she maintains her sobriety, rebuilds relationships and advocates for recovery on social media.

⏱️ Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction & Background
02:10 – Growing Up: Early Drinking, Weed & Cocaine
05:45 – Acid, Suicide Attempts & First Treatments
09:30 – Marriage, “Sober” Wedding & Hidden Drinking
13:00 – Postpartum Depression & Twin Birth Trigger Relapse
17:40 – Suboxone Misuse, Custody Loss & Breathalyzer Logs
22:15 – Heroin & Meth Run, Overdose & Returning Home
26:40 – Regaining Custody, 12‑Step Faith & Five Years of Sobriety
30:10 – Life Today & Advocacy – Hope for Others

❓ Questions the Video Answers:
How can postpartum depression lead to relapse in recovering alcoholics?
What are the early warning signs of alcohol addiction and relapse?
How did Brittany’s teenage weed and cocaine use contribute to her alcoholism?
What role did Suboxone misuse play in her descent into heroin and meth addiction?
How do breathalyzer logs and drug tests help regain custody in court?
What does a medical detox from alcohol feel like?
How can parents protect their children during addiction and custody battles?
What strategies help prevent relapse after treatment (“relapse prevention plan”)?
How does postpartum depression intersect with addiction recovery?
What is religious or alcohol‑induced psychosis, and how can it be managed?
How can you rebuild trust with children after addiction and abandonment?
Why is recovery not linear, and how can you stay motivated on bad days?
Where can you find mental health and addiction treatment resources tailored to you?

#addictionrecovery #sobrietyjourney #mentalhealth

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So she takes me to the bank. I withdraw all the money. I remember the bank worker. She was like, Are you sure you want to take all this out? And I'm like, Yeah, I'm going to rehab. She's like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

She's like, Here you go. Yeah. Hi, everyone, and welcome to Recovery Cast. Thank you so much for joining us. Recovery Cast is a podcast where we tell stories about mental health and addiction treatment and our journeys to recovery. Today we are joined by Brittany Jade. Thank you so much for joining us today. Hi. Brittany is a recovery advocate, content creator, hilarious woman who has shared her recovery journey openly and candidly with her tons of followers. It's been really cool hearing your journey and following you on social media because I think you're absolutely hilarious. Oh, thank you. So you have done an amazing job rebuilding your life through addiction, divorce, custody battles. You found sobriety in 2020. And up until then, it was kind of a wild road. So before we get into it, if somebody is listening to your story right now, what is something that you really hope that they get out of it?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

I'm so surprised. You know so much about me already. I love that. Um, something about recovery, honestly, is that it's not linear. You know, every day is not gonna be the same. You're gonna have good days, you're gonna have bad days. But through those bad days, you don't have to give up and give in. It is possible to stay sober through it. You know, I'm like, at this point, I'm five and a half years sober, and I'm like, I can't imagine starting my time over. So even on those bad days, like I just know I'm gonna make it through, and you can if you take it one day at a time. Absolutely awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

You are a fellow Wisconsinite, right? Yes, go pack go. Yes. Um, specifically Eau Claire, and I'm like familiar with the area. I'm gonna say something, and I want to know if you know what I'm talking about. The pickle. Oh my god. Pickle the pickle? Yes. Okay, you need like pickle shoes because it's so nasty on the phone. Then my husband's 21st birthday. Yeah. Uh my husband went to college there. So yeah, okay, like the pickle. Big party town. Mm-hmm. Much like any, yeah, most places in Wisconsin. Yeah. It's like the culture from the time you're little till when they send you off at 18 to go into the the big bars. Yeah. Um, so yeah, let's take it back there. I want to know like, what were you like as a kid? I feel like you were probably the most bubbly person and a bit of a leader. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

I was always pretty social. I've always had a lot of friends. That's never changed. I feel like I just have a personality where I get along with a lot of people. I just love people too. As a kid, I feel like my childhood was pretty normal, but also at the same time, I don't remember a whole ton of it. And a lot, everyone just automatically assumes then it's from like childhood trauma. And I don't know. I I think I had a pretty normal childhood upbringing, you know, up until like my preteen years. Uh, because I was a I was a gymnast.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

I was really into sports. And like that's like another thing. So you had that community already. A lot of people assume it's like, oh, they went to that because they were feeling lonely or isolated. It's like you had the good childhood. You had that like community. You were really good at a sport. Yeah. A sport that like has this ingrained like community with it too. Gymnastics. Yes. It was my whole life. Yeah. So then in the preteens, is that your first time like experimenting with is it alcohol or drugs at first? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

It started with alcohol, of course. You know, when I was 13, I so my dad was an alcoholic. He's been sober for 17, 18 years. Congrats to him. Yeah. Good job. That's awesome. Um, but at that time, he wasn't. And so it was very easy for me to get alcohol. You know, I would just start sneaking some um here and there. It wasn't anything serious, you know, like how we would pour the liquor into like the water bottles and we'd like sneak out and bike out to the corn, no idea what we were doing.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

But we were like, my first one was like orange juice and gold schlager. What the hell? I know. I was like, I don't know about matching colors, but like this is awful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. That was a bad science experiment. Yep. Woof. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Yeah. So I started pretty young and I remember my the first time I ever came home drunk, the first time my mom saw me drunk, she said, she saw it in my eyes. She was like, I knew, Brittany, that you had what your dad had, meaning alcoholism. So it was very apparent from a the almost the first time I drank that it was a problem. You know, I loved how it made me feel. It made me like I've always been bubbly and friendly, but it made me more of that. Yeah. Made me uh brave, made me courageous, or so I thought, you know. And yeah, but it was a problem from from the very, very start. I ended up quitting gymnastics, quitting all sports because I had done diving. Yeah. And I'd like just even in high school, I turned into a huge party girl. You know, I remember getting the code violations and I couldn't do sports because I would get caught at parties, and I was also super nice, so I would take the fall for everyone, so everyone have one wouldn't have to suffer. And um, yeah, it was very apparent from from young that it was a problem. Um, not only like alcohol, because then it went to weed, smoking weed. One of my like friend groups in high school, like they called us the puffers because they'd be like, Don't invite the puffers because they know we'd go in someone's bathroom and smoke.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

And okay, so we already established we're around the same age. I know that like cocaine was a huge thing in like the town I grew up. Not like huge, but it was just like available and like prior to doing it. I remember thinking it was just this like wild party drug in like a huge city, but it was like it's very prevalent in I don't know, towns like this here too.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

So my first experience with cocaine actually wasn't until I ended up moving to after I graduated high school, I also got voted my senior year. I got voted biggest slacker because I like just didn't want to go to school. I think it's the ADHD in me, which I thought is so funny because I am a hard worker and I'm always super busy, but like I have to really.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

It has to be things that we like doing though. I always like because I struggled with that too. I was like, Russian history, I was locked into that for some reason, absolutely loved it. But most other things, I was like, you're not teaching it the way, and I don't want to sound selfish, but you're not teaching it the way I am getting interested in wanting to learn. You're but like at that age, you're supposed to raise your hand and be like, hi, I need you to teach this a different way because I'd like to learn, but like you. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And it's really hard to, especially with the sports and stuff. It's like I get like when kids get in trouble in school, like they need some type of like you have to reprimand, they have to be punished. But it's like taking a kid out of a sport that's kind of probably keeping them on like the tether of the best track they could go on is really difficult. And I feel like that's where things start to slide with kids. It's like, yeah, I screwed up a little bit, can't play this sport anymore. I just said, screw it. I'm gonna go continue to have fun because I know my friends are doing funner stuff after school than going to practice every single day.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

So when I was 19, I ended up moving to Minneapolis because that's you know, pretty close to Eau Claire there to go to cosmetology school. And that's when I first discovered cocaine for the first time. And I kind of knew, I don't know why, but I knew that I would love it before I even did it. And sure enough, I did. That was um, and I was in cosmetology school, that just be that became a problem so fast. Um, that quickly went to doing acid too up there in the cities. Um, and I was just not well. I was going through a pretty serious breakup. I had a really, really bad suicide attempt. That's something I kind of struggled with in my teen years as well was self-harm. Um and after the pretty bad suicide attempt, I ended up moving back to Eau Claire. And like I 19 was the hardest year for me of my life. Um, I think I went to treatment twice that year.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Was that your first time getting help for like anything? Like when you were in high school, did you see a therapist? No.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

And I think that's just something so different. I don't know if it maybe wasn't as normalized as it is now, but no, I never went to therapy. I think it, you know, my parents always knew something was wrong, but I never um I never did therapy. So instead I went straight to like numbing all of this, everything that I was struggling with. And I just so that's something as a mom to a 12-year-old, you know, when I started drinking at 13, now I have a daughter that's coming up on that age. That's like something I think of every single day because I see a lot of the same traits in her as I had. And I just pray and hope that, you know, I can lead by example and show her that it's not because once she starts, I just it's really hard.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

And I understand that. I see my daughter. I'm like, copy paste, girl. Copy paste. You are the little version of me. I'm watching this now, and I just want to help guide you. Be damned if she wants me to help her. But like is yours in eighth grade? Yeah, she just starts eighth grade tomorrow. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It's such a tough age, especially watching your kids hit those ages that you were at when you started struggling or certain things. It's even like it brings up a lot of like feelings and emotions.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Yes, yeah. And like every time I I allow her to have sleepovers, and you know, there there are times that I worry and just I think, okay, what could my parents have done better to maybe that maybe I could have chose a different route? You know, I think my parents did the best they could at the time, but like therapy was a big thing, so that's why because I didn't have that option ever. And so that's something I've always presented to my daughter and got her in pretty early. Obviously, she, with me being um an addict, she went through a lot as a kid, as well as my other two uh kids, but they were a little bit younger, so I don't remember so much. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

So at 19 then you was it an inpatient that you went to?

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Yes. And it was the very first one was more of like a hospital setting. You know, there's so many different kinds of treatment sets. Yep, yeah, different setups. Okay, yeah. How was that? What was that experience like? I hated it. I was just like, I'm like, I feel like it's all crazy people here. I don't need to be here. Like I'm just young. I'm not just relate to anybody. And one thing about me is I've been to treatment three times, and every single time I have met a man in treatment. That's just how this British man you meet in this apparently.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Did you meet one in the first one? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

And he was a heroin addict. At that point, I had never done heroin up until meeting him. And like it turned out to like I didn't know much about him because we had just met. Turned out he was married. It was just an absolute disaster that obviously didn't go very far. And so I ended up going to treatment. I thought I could get sober on my own. And my whole dream, like, my whole dream was to see the Hollywood sign, to live in California, like being a Wisconsin girl born and raised. Like I just had this dream of going to California. So when I was 19, I bought a one-way ticket to San Francisco, and I'm like, I'm gonna go there and get sober on my own. Like that, I thought I could do that. I was like, I'm just gonna do change of scenery. Yeah, I can do this. I just need to I could knock it. That was I did the exact opposite because I didn't have a ton of money. I was like staying in hostels, meeting random people when I didn't even have money for hostels. Like I would meet random people, I'd stay at their house, there'd be parties, you know. Survival mode, you're just trying to make it. Yeah. And I didn't think it was possible to overdose on cocaine, but I learned then that it very much so was. I got super, super sick, ran out of money, ended up having to go back to Wisconsin. And when I got back, my mom basically had an intervention with some of my friends. They sat down and were like, we found this treatment center for you in Palm Springs back in California because they knew like fly you fly back out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, literally the next day. Okay. So I went to Palm Springs. I had a great, I went to Michael's house and it was a great way. I know Michael's house. Yeah. It was a great experience. I loved it. And I actually didn't meet a man in there. I met him in sober living after because after completing treatment, I went to Sober Living Halfway House down in San Diego, where I actually met my now husband when we were 19. We met freshly both of us out of treatment in the sober living house. I know they always say, you know, don't date in early sobriety. And it, yeah, we got we both got kicked out for dating because they found out. And then we both went to different sober livings where we still got in trouble because we were sneaking over each other. Got kicked out of that one. It's love. I know. Oh my god. Yes, yeah. We ended up relapsing both together then after that. And I was like, we it was just like this is not gonna work. Cause when I would drink and blackout, I would do very crazy impulsive things like take a bunch of pills, want to die, try to kill myself, type of deal. So uh I had an instant, a night where that happened, and I was like, okay, I woke up in the hospital. I'm like, I can't do this anymore. I went back to so I flew back to Wisconsin. We kind of broke up because it just wasn't working. Like we were not well together. Yeah. But a few days later, he ended up, he called me and he's like, I want to be with you. I want to move to Wisconsin. He bought a one-way ticket to Wisconsin and he came. My parents let him stay with us for a bit until we kind of both got on our feet and got our own place. And but we've we've struggled, you know. Obviously, I was introduced to sobriety starting at 19 in and out of the rooms of AA, but my I didn't actually get sober until I turned 30. So it was a long stretch still of trying to battle it, you know, in denial that I was actually an alcoholic, because who wants to be an alcoholic or addict, you know? And I just wanted to be able to control my drinking so, so bad. And I did everything, you know, setting the two drink, two drink maximum, you know, only drinking on the weekends, but that's easier to do in the beginning. But eventually, when you have the brain and the disease of alcoholism, stuff and then it never like sticks to that.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

So, but my husband and I, we actually um had a sober wedding, which is kind of crazy because we weren't actually sober, but we wanted to almost please our families, like and we thought we owed it to them. We had already put them both, both of our families through so much, and so we're gonna have this sober wedding, but we still drank on our wedding night.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

Okay, so what does this like sort of sober life look like for you then?

SPEAKER_01 15:26

It's it's almost like we're living two lives because our family thinks that we're doing well and that we're sober, but we're not. We're just still sneaking around. And at this point, we're this time we're 22 years old.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

So you're still kids, but you're living like big kid lives, like adult lives. Yeah. Yes. We're kind of holding it together, but like between me and him, we're kind of hindering each other from fully like living that sober life.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Yeah, it was it's kind of weird because him and I, we had different DOCs, drugs. Okay, so mine was always alcohol and then cocaine at times, but I wasn't doing it so much then. His is more was more marijuana, pills, opiates. So, like almost complete opposite. We would argue so much, you know, when we would drink and fight, and I would always call the cops on him, and uh it was it was terrible. Was it like that when you guys were sober together? No. Yeah, it was just when substances were involved. Yeah. And we finally just one day we decided, you know what? We're let's just stop. We need to, I need to not drink, you need to not smoke, okay? And we did. We stopped for it was a good six months, and like we were so, so happy. And uh then we got pregnant. So obviously I stayed sober through that, but I didn't call myself an alcoholic during this time. I didn't tell people I was sober, you know. We just simply didn't drink, and that's just how we put it. How long you can exist until yeah, yeah. I didn't work any program because I had tried AA, just kind of figured it wasn't for me because I'm not that type of alcoholic, you know. We had our daughter, and like the first couple years of her life, we were completely sober, uh, like everything was great, and we ended up moving from Wisconsin back to California because we knew once we had her, we didn't want to raise our kids in winter here. Like it's brutal being trapped in the house for like three months on end.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

Yeah, I had her in February, so it was like uh we couldn't go outside. The realization of going outside and having your chest hurt because the air is so cold for like four months out of the year, it's not appealing. Yes. No, you know what's appealing is sun.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Yes, yeah. I love the sun. We uh moved to California, and I remember even our new neighbors brought like a bottle of wine over, and I was like, oh no, we don't drink, but thank you. But within a couple years after that, we ended up getting pregnant again with twins, actually. And we had been kind of struggling with infertility. We were trying for about a year, just about to go to a go to the doctor to figure out like why we weren't getting pregnant, and I randomly get pregnant with identical twins. So I know so crazy. Um, and I think obviously stayed sober. So my some times when I was drinking and sober all worked out very very well to where I I never had to deal with any sort of withdrawals or like when I was pregnant or anything because I always was sober for a chunk of time before it. Um but after I had the twins, I think the shock of going from one child to three overnight. My husband's mom had just died from cancer when I was pregnant with them. My mom lived back here in Wisconsin, so we didn't really have a lot of support. Yeah, that's a lot. At this point, like I'm 27. I figured like my crazy drinking and party days were just because I was young, and now that I'm adult and a mom of three. That's set time for a quarter life crisis, girl. Oh, and that's exactly what happened. That's exactly what happened because I we started drinking again.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

And was there something that set it off, or was it just like I think this is just nice to enjoy right now?

SPEAKER_01 18:59

I think it was just being in postpartum and just wanting to find myself again, you know, and wanting to even just like feel again. And I feel like this brought me some type of joy at one point.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yes. It's a hard time, it's a really hard time.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

And the first time I drank, I think the twins were six weeks old, so I was pretty postpartum, pretty newly postpartum. I blacked out, and it was like, okay, this is gonna be, we're gonna have to learn how to manage this. And so we did the two drink max, you know, for a year or two. And we were able to do that, but after so much time, you know, we were it went from only drinking on the wink weekends to drinking every other day in the week, and then to drinking every night of the week. And then I was just gonna do wine, and before I knew it, I was buying vodka bottles again. I was hiding them in all the cabinets and the and the closets because I didn't want my husband to know how much I was drinking. It went downhill. Um so your husband wasn't picking up on it.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Did anyone else kind of know this?

SPEAKER_01 20:03

So I think he was in denial too, because he didn't want to like take out of the alcohol out of the house. Like it was for you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

If we bring it up for you, that's a whole nother thing we're gonna Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Yeah. And it's hard because alcohol was never his problem. Um, but it was mine. And I think he knew, like, in order for me to actually get sober, he'd have to have alcohol out of the house. I just can't get sober in a house where alcohol is present. But we end up like because we'd the fighting between our marriage, it just gets worse and worse and worse. And I, you know, realized like I'm not happy in this marriage anymore. So I thought at the time, you know, I thought it was because of him. I think I was still like in the depths of postpartum and numbing all those feelings. So I took a lot of my struggles out on him. He had also, he didn't trust me when I drank. And I don't, you know, totally don't blame him because I would black out. He doesn't trust other people too. Like, what's gonna happen to me? I never really went out much to the bars though, you know. At this point, my mom of three, so I drank at home. And every once in a while, I'd hang out with a few friends, but it would always cause the biggest fights. And I took it as he's super, super controlling when really I am an alcoholic. You can't trust someone. Yes, yeah. And you just you can't trust someone like me. And it caused so much, as I told him, you know, I'm thinking about divorce, and um, at this point, you know, alcohol is not a contributing factor in any way we we we say, but looking back, it obviously played a huge part in it. And I decide that I want to separate. Um, he didn't want to, and we tried to do everything amicably, go to mediation. You know, we weren't gonna fight each other, we didn't want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on attorneys, and we ended up just continuing to fight each other. And he actually went and filed for. Divorce um with an attorney. And that was kind of like my sign of like he says he didn't really want it. He was kind of listening to people who didn't have the best interest for us. They had the best interest for him, but not for us together. And so that that hurt. I'm like, you know what? If if that's what you do, I'm I'm done with this. And um, I moved out and we had agreed that I was going to stay sober, I was gonna go to meetings, and that none of my issues or his his issues too, because he had things too. We had both decided we wouldn't be bringing those up with our attorneys. We're not gonna, yeah, this is everything but that yes, like let's agree to this. And so, but I truthfully, I was going to meetings, I was getting signed off. But during that time when I moved out, like I was the first time I had lived alone almost ever. And I don't know why I thought I could stay sober when I lived alone, but I definitely couldn't. And I was stopping and at the liquor store on the way home from meetings, and I was not being honest with myself or with others. And he actually ended up filing like an ex parte, like emergency custody order. I was passed out when whoever like gave me the served me the papers under my door. I had no idea. I kind of called. They're like, Yeah, you have to show up for court tomorrow. Like I had a one day in advance at 8 a.m. Um for a custody hearing, but I didn't know what was presented or or anything. I had no idea what I was going into. So I showed up that day to court late because I was hungover. I had drank all night. I didn't drink that morning, but I had drank and then woke up and not I made it to the courthouse, but I was super late. I ran in. I remember I had LaCroix in my hand, no attorney with me, nothing. I looked an absolute mess. And I get there and one, I forget my like all my meetings I had got signed off on. I had forgot that. So I didn't have that. He had like his attorney there and his whole family. And we really didn't say a whole ton besides the the judge was just like, all right, um, granted, like she made her decision pretty quickly. Uh and it must have been just my my demeanor, you know. I also had no idea that he at that time was filing for sole legal full custody. So I was like, Your Honor, I just want to make sure we're going back to our original 50-50 custody schedule. And she was like, uh, yes, what was ordered? Because once again, they had presented this whole all this stuff to her. Yeah. And I had no idea. And she was like, Yes, I walk out of the court courtroom that day and I call my mom and I'm like, Mom, I did it. She's back in Wisconsin here. You know, I'm completely on my own. Mom, I did it. Everything's fine. And I'm reading this paper. And on the paper at the bottom, it says supervised and unsupervised visits. Mother's parenting should be supervised. And like, and I was like, what? And in that moment, that is when I realized um, yeah, that I had um just lost like all custody and I didn't even know. And I just felt so blindsided and hurt because like I was a stay-at-home mom, you know, my kids were my whole life. And um, but I was obviously so, so sick. And you think when someone loses custody of their kids because of their alcoholism, that they that would be their wake-up call, but it wasn't, you know, instead I went straight to the liquor store and I pretty much decided to try to drink myself to death that day. And because how do you live without your baby? You know, you know, as a mom. I thankfully my friend found me at my house, uh passed out, and she was like, Brittany, we're gonna get you help. And she actually had videoed me saying I was so out of it. I've shared that video a couple of times on social media, but she was like, What are you willing to do to get your kids back? And I'm like, anything, I'm willing to do anything. She's like, You're willing to go get help. And I said, Yes. And so the next day she actually brought me to a treatment center. Immediately they turned me away. They were like, She's too sick. She has to go to the hospital because I was like, I had been on a binger at that point. So she took me to the ER, they drew my blood, we're waiting in the emergency room, and I am just so sick. Um, they have a wheelchair in me. I have like a barf bag, and I have like one picture from that day. I was a mess. And they end up taking forever. And in that time, another treatment center calls and says, calls my friend and was like, hey, we'll take her right now, as is, because I didn't have health insurance at the time. And they're like, she just has to get $1,800 cash and we'll take her today. Oh wow. So craziest thing, I had $1,850 in my bank account. So I was like, all right, I'm just because I I was, you know, a stay-at-home mom. So I'd already, it was a lot for me to move out of the house in the first place and try to get on my feet on my own. And um, so she takes me to the bank. I withdraw all the money. I remember the ATM or the bank worker, she was like, Are you sure you want to take all this out? And I'm like, Yeah, I'm going to rehab. She's like, Oh, okay. There you go, baby. Yeah. She's like, There you go. Yeah. And I made my friend stop for like, I gotta, oh my God, I gotta get two more tall cans because I'm really gonna do it. I'm gonna quit drinking. And I um checked myself into a detox. So that was the day after I lost custody. And the hospital ended up calling when I was walking in. They're like, Where'd you go? And I'm like, oh, a treatment center, my friend brought me here. I'm walking in right now. And I actually remember this. And the the nurse on the phone was like, Okay, because we got your blood alcohol results back, and your BAC was a 0.457. So you should be dead. How are you walking in? I know. And I remember everyone at the treatment center was like floored because they were like, What? Like I seem messed up, but I was still walking, like people, but that's just how much of a tolerance I had built up at that time. And my mom explains it as like, because she was back in Wisconsin, but she would continue, like she was calling, checking in. Like, I would just like come in and out of consciousness. And when I was out of it, I was really out of it. But then when I would wake up, I'd almost be okay for a little bit. Yeah, they were just shocked, but went to detox. Obviously, I needed to medically, I needed to be on medicine to withdraw safely. Yeah, I'd actually tried to quit on my own a few times. I had a seizure at my house um one night, and it was just it's just too dangerous. When you're drinking that much, it is too dangerous on your body to try to quit cold turkey like that. And so for me, I always needed to be medically detoxed.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

And when you were in detox, do you remember how long it took for your blood alcohol level to get to zero? I don't remember them even testing me anymore. I'm sure they did. Okay, just upon going in.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Yeah, because I was pretty out of it for the first three days. You know, I pretty much slept. They, you know, gave me some benzos and I slept for those first three days. So I don't know for sure, but I don't remember the withdrawals being too bad since because they had me medicated.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

What's the transition like then from detox to then like what's the next step? You're in residential.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

So I, since I had, you know, I didn't have health insurance. Um, obviously everyone wanted me to go to residential, but I couldn't. That's a lot out of pocket. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Yeah. And I had no money left. You got into detox for 1800 and were able to detox there medically. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Yeah, I know. I uh just love this. And it was just like a little treatment center too, but I'm just so grateful for them. I've reached out a couple times too just to let them know it's doing well and stuff now. But yeah, so I only went to detox for two weeks. That was it. And I wasn't court-ordered at that time. Um, they had said they wanted me to get the like scram like ankle monitor to like sense alcohol. Yes. But I never had to because right after detox, I figured out a plan and I always tried to work a step ahead. I tried to think, what is the judge gonna tell me to do? And instead of waiting for them to tell me to, I just did it. So I had I had already bought like a mobile, mobile breathalyzer where it took your picture, it tells your, and I started testing myself like four to six times a day, every single day. And I tracked all these logs. I started going and getting drug tests weekly because I was really serious about this.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

You were really holding yourself accountable. Yeah. It's like amazing steps to take, really, really proactive steps to take.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Yeah. The only thing though is I didn't stay sober after that, you know, because my husband and I were separated, you know, at this time. Like I said, I met a guy in the detox who was a heroin addict. And when I got home, I obviously couldn't afford my place on my own anymore. So I moved back in with my husband, who I was divorcing, which I knew was not the best, but also that meant I could be with my kids. So technically I didn't have, you know, I lost custody for, you know, being unfit to parent, but he allowed me to move back in with them, um, which was hard at the time because I'm like, clearly I wasn't that unfit then. If you're allowing me around the kids type of deal, but I was willing to do anything and everything as long as I could be with them. And so I moved back in and it just it was just very unhealthy. And I was still kind of seeing this guy who I had met in detox. We were going to meetings, and all of a sudden he started slipping me his Subox. And I figured since I wasn't an like an opiate user, that it would be okay and that I could just take these little slivers and uh within so I I lost Cussy on November 13th, 2019. By January of the next year, so just a couple months, you know, I had started using Suboxen. I had started finding pills, and my husband and I, we got into a huge fight over the guy. He found out about him, and I was like trying to end it because I knew it was bad news, but it was just so messy. It was so messy. We got into a huge fight. I ended up getting arrested. Um, I think I could have been in like a manic episode too, because they told my husband they thought I was on heroin and meth. And at that time, I hadn't. I had only been taking, I mean, I would been using other substances, but and I was so upset about it because I'm like, no, I'm sober. Cause at that time I hadn't drank yet. I technically am still sober in my mind from my drug of choice, but I wasn't because I was used, I had moved on to other substances. And um I was so upset in jail. They took me to the drunk tank, which is crazy because I've I had been to the drunk tank so many times. You're like, I know when I deserve to be here.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

I don't need to be here right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

Yeah. And I made them draw my blood when I got there. And thankfully, like the charges, they had um arrested me for it, it was like public intoxication under the influence, but I showed that I had proof of the they drew my blood. Anyways, I got all the charges dropped. But when I got out that day, um I ended up drinking that day when I got out because I was just so upset about everything. I drank before that. This was like a crazy, crazy time. The beginning of 2020 was such a crazy time. I also went into psychosis at the beginning of January, which it's only happened once in my life, but it was truly the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. Like long did the episode last? Only 24 hours. So I feel I hear some are like a week, and I'm like, how? But I would hear voices coming from anything like my like laptop. I if I turned on the blow dryer, I would hear music coming out. It was the craziest experience. And thankfully for me, these voices didn't tell me to do anything super crazy because they were 100% convincing. I thought they were real. I thought this was it was like a religious psychosis. So I thought this was God.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

And that's the common one. Maybe because that's what people associate any type of like voice who or like a speaking thing to. Yep. Yeah. Was there something that like was the onset to it?

SPEAKER_01 34:19

So I think it was um because I had at that point when I went into psychosis, I had four days sober. So they think it was DTs. Um, I thought I wouldn't go through bad withdrawals because I had just drank. So basically, for like three months before I actually got sober, I struggled on and off to where I'd get like a week and then relapse and then two weeks and relapse. You know, it was a bumpy road for a little bit. And they think it was just day four alcohol withdrawals. And thankfully, once they got me out back on um Valium for those, like I it stopped and it was it was fine. But after I got out of the hospital from the psychosis that same week was when I got arrested, then I got out of jail. And that's really when my husband was like, This is too much now, it's too crazy, something's off. I hadn't told him that I had started using other substances and pills and stuff, but he could tell. He said he remember one day we'd go, we went and picked up because he had to have the kids. He put the kids in um childcare because I was still not doing well. And he said we went to go pick him up one time at the daycare, and like he saw me like nodding out, and he's like, That's when I knew it was something else, because like we had been married for almost 10 years at that point. And he's like, This is not anything like Britney, and that was from the Suboxen because if you know, you you can get high off.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Yeah, so like if you're not you don't need a Suboxen, what is the effect that it has on you if you're not supposed to be taking it?

SPEAKER_01 35:47

It felt like it was heroin to me, to be honest. You know, like the feeling, and you just start with it was so addicting to me too, and I would full on not out because I didn't need it. So when he put the restraining order on me, that um I basically was just left homeless then. You're still out in California? Yep, still out in California. And the only person I really knew to call was the guy who I met in detox, the heroin user, you know, because I'm like, who else am I? I don't know where to go. And we went on this like two-week hiatus um where I was just out missing, no one knew where I was. Um, and that's when I started using heroin and math every single day. Because at that point, the restraining order, I couldn't even see or talk to my kids. It just ended like all contact at once. And that pain was so unbearable because at least when that happened before in detox, I knew that there was like hope. Yeah. So this type of restraining order, too, um, it felt like a wall. Yeah. Yeah. And I couldn't do anything about it. And so it was it's a complete blur what happened in those two weeks, but I ended up overdosing. They found me in the car. I went to the hospital. And once again, like I was presented with, okay, I gotta go back home to Wisconsin. And at this point, like I'm a I'm a mom of three, and I have to leave my whole family, go back to my parents in Wisconsin again to get sober, but I couldn't, I couldn't afford treatment at that time. That's when my belief in a power grader myself started because I know that I did not get myself on the plane that day to get sober. Like that was all God. I didn't believe in myself enough. And um, thankfully, he got me on that plane and I went back to my parents. And when I got sober, it was like the first couple weeks was the hardest time ever because I had to get an attorney. I'm calling around these attorneys, and they're telling me a lot of them are telling me, you know, it could be three to five years before you see your kids.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

This is the beginning of 2020. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

So this is February 9th, is my sobriety date. And um, I've stayed sober ever since. Yeah. But that's the day I got on the on the flight. Yeah. And I remember telling my mom, like, mom, I cannot wait three to five years to see them. And she's like, Britney, people do it in the military every time. And I'm like, mom, I'm telling you this. I I just I can't. I can't go through that pain. And um, thankfully, we found one attorney. He was the most expensive, but he had full faith because I had been telling him what I've been doing with the mobile breathalyzers and the drug tests. And he was, he was like, Bernie, I have never seen someone who lost custody of their kids do take all these steps before. Like he he said he'd never seen someone do so much ahead of time and he could tell and he believed in me. And then thankfully, um, my husband ended up dropping the restraining order. So when we went to court, it was about it was 28 days that we were apart. And when we went to court, because I didn't have a home, you know, my mom had flew back to California to go to court with me. I ended up getting legal custody back that day after only 28 days. But what they didn't know is that I didn't have a home, you know? So my mom, I was like, Mom, what am I gonna do? You know? And my mom was like, Well, I'm gonna move out here. I'm gonna help you get a place and we are gonna bless your mom. That's amazing. So I was like, wait, why didn't they ask you that question in court? I know you're gonna bring them to okay, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:22

Wow, she's great.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

And I had like character witness forms, like write out, you know, because what type of mom I was, you know, because I wasn't a bad mom. I was a sick. It's a disease. It's a disease.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

It's like I can see it, I can hear it in your voice. These are your children. I get it, I get it, but there's something beyond just like our core attachment like that can sway people because it is something that is so fucking strong. Yeah. This podcast is brought to you by recovery.com. Recovery.com is a place where anyone can find mental health or addiction treatment options specific to them. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and so much more. Recovery.com is the best place to find mental health or addiction treatment for anyone, anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Yeah, so my mom, bless her heart. Um, she helped me get a place. It was like a little mobile home in a trailer park in California. And that was at the beginning of quarantine. So I went to go get my 30 days sober at a meeting and everything shut down.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

Why did that not just register in my head? We were in the beginning of 2020 and we are about to roll into this okay. So everyone.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

Yeah, and I was in California, so everything was really shut down there. Yes. You know, I think there was a lot of hurt still through all this. My husband is like wanting to get back together and wanting to work it out. But there was never, I was really, really hurt because there was never any support from him when it like, let's get Britney help, let's look for treatment centers, let's look for meetings for her. There was never of that. It was just how can we punish Britney? What can we take away from her? You know? And I I can't say, who knows if he if it would have gone differently, you know, if I hadn't lost everything, if I would have actually got sober, I don't know. But that is extremely hard though.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

And I feel like that's a really common thing. I struggle with that when I feel like, why are you harping on the end result? Why are you harping on the end result? But nobody is sitting here taking the time to look like, why is she doing these things? Why is she hurting? Like, how can we support someone who's clearly struggling? Yeah. They don't want to do this. So how can I like, but I can't make them stop this part. How can I support them in literally every other aspect of their life? So where they see me as that person to lean on. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard, especially struggling that not only with people that are dealing with addiction or mental health issues, just like moms in general, parents in general. It is really, really hard when you're not feeling seen, like truly seen by the people that like you are trusting yourself to be around. You can't always hold yourself down. Like you really need those people there for you.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Yeah. I'm sorry, that was your experience for that part. I know, and he is too. Obviously, we have a crazy story.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

Um, but and everyone also is going through their own things separately and are doing the best they can in certain circumstances. So it's like where I can sit there, I feel that like I get that in relationships. I'm just like, why is nobody supporting me? And then I also have to think like a lot of people are also going through their own stuff and don't know how to. Yeah. Or the way that they're raised doesn't allow them to maybe express themselves or help out the way they would like to.

SPEAKER_01 42:46

Yeah. And I realized it was a lot of like distrust. He just he didn't trust me too. He truly he thought I was too far gone. Um, he really didn't think I was gonna get some time to actually stick to. So when the restrainer was on me, he uh he didn't like the kids would ask when was mommy coming back? And he didn't want to give them false hope. So he told him straight up, like, I don't know, I don't know if she ever is. And, you know, little did did they know during that time, like how much I was doing, you know, and fighting to stay sober and to get them back. But I was, I was really, really, really, really sick towards the end. And, you know, he there's this one time where he had called me during the time when I was training around me and I would, I had got a hotel for the night, but I was not well. And I have one picture of myself during that time because he had asked me, he's like, take a picture of yourself and send it to me. So I did, and I sent it to him. And he said, uh he was at work when I sent him the picture, and he said he immediately went and told his boss, he was like, Hey, I'm gonna have to take some time off work soon because my wife is gonna die. He really thought that. So also I'm like, I can't imagine how hard. That was for him, you know? And so I don't blame him, but now I understand like he was trying to figure it out the best way to handle it. But during that time, I was so hurt by that and just how I felt like I had no support that when I, you know, got sober, I started sharing my life on TikTok because what else are we gonna do in the beginning of quarantine? And I downloaded this app that I thought was just for kids, and I started sharing my sobriety journey on there because obviously I couldn't really go out in meetings, and I'm like, let me just do this. Instagram has too many people. I'm gonna try this nice quiet thing called TikTok. Yes. Yes. And I truly I because I had been posting on Instagram for years and years and years, never had a following on it because it used to be really hard to grow on there. And needs to be nice and pretty and aesthetic. So I think a lot of people who didn't know me in real life. I mean, my friends growing up, they always knew Brittany had a problem with alcohol. But a lot of people who only saw like my perfect pictures, I posted on social media, you know, thought everything was just fine and dandy. But um, yeah, TikTok, I decided when I got sober to be open, and it was crazy. Within six months of me downloading the app, I had a million followers. I had been offered this amazing job at a treatment facility. Just my life changed so fast. Meanwhile, this is all happening before I'm even one year sober. I'm still in my first year of sobriety. Oh, yeah. How does that? I feel like that has to be a lot of pressure too.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

It was, especially with previous experiences going through treatment.

SPEAKER_01 45:33

Yeah, it it was a lot of pressure. And I don't think it almost like went, I went from being so sick to being just having so much that I mean, I thought I think I did my best with it, but I think a lot of it because it changed so fast, it almost became another addiction, like social media, like an addiction transfer. Yes, and where I was spending my time and um and a lot of the content I made in the beginning was about my divorce. I had zero plans of ever getting back to him. Like I remember people asking Brittany, was there any chance you guys could ever get back together? I said, nope. Absolutely not. Did it sound like it? Yeah, yes. And so I did some major shit talking on my TikTok, which looking back, I'm not proud of that that I talked about, you know, my husband and the father of my children like that. But through that time, I also got to give myself grace because I'm like, that is what I thought that in the time I needed to do to heal. And I really thought that we were just done and you know, wasn't gonna post his name or his face, so no one would ever find out who he was. Yeah. But we ended up about around a year sober because we went no contact. We had to speak through the court messaging system. It was pretty toxic and it was hard for the kids. And then we reconnected about a year sober, and I think he was just shocked. He was like, wow, but he actually stayed sober. Yeah. Um, because he really didn't think I was gonna get this far. And what I didn't realize in this time, too, is how much work he had done in that year, a little bit differently than me. He had stopped drinking too, well, yeah, I think more so around there. He had stopped drinking, he had started going to therapy, which was crazy. And the whole reason why, like, I really wanted divorce because he didn't believe in therapy. He said he just didn't want to do it before. And but he had been going to therapy. That's awesome. Um, he had joined some like Christian dad groups, and like I could tell too that he had grown and done so much work on himself, and it was almost like immediate like I I remember because at this point I had told millions of people online how terrible he was. And I remember like just like just crying to him and being like, What did I do? You know? Yeah. I'm like, so we make the decision, we had to tell our families, you know, our families were all involved in this.

SPEAKER_00 47:56

Because they have to hear the both of you and then like be a part of it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:59

And at this point, our divorce was up to a hundred thousand dollars, okay, with how much we had been fighting each other. So after all that, we decide we're getting back together. Right before our divorce was supposed to be finalized. We canceled it, we fired our attorneys, and we got back together. Just kidding. Yeah, our attorneys were just like, oh my gosh. All right, good luck to you. You know, so then we have obviously that was we got back together uh four four years ago, and we've just been built rebuilding our life together. I obviously had to start, you know, rebuilding trust with my daughter. My the twins were they were three when I got sober, so they don't remember so much. My daughter, she was six at the time, so she obviously remembers a lot more, and so it's just been rebuilding trust with her, staying sober and working on ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

So that first year, so five years, that is amazing. What does that first year look like in keeping sobriety and learning how to like live a sober life as compared to like now? Like what are your rituals? That yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

So I mean, it is quite different the first year first now, the fifth year. Um I went to at least one meeting a day in the first year. I also didn't go anywhere where there was alcohol present. So if there was a party or a wedding where there was gonna be alcohol, I didn't go. And you were in photography for a while too, right?

SPEAKER_00 49:38

Okay. Were you doing photography then while you're sober?

SPEAKER_01 49:41

Um, that first year I had done a couple with my ADHD. I get burned out of stuff. Like I've had things like I've Oh, I love a passion. Yeah, nailed it next.

SPEAKER_00 49:52

No, seriously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a reason why I like I have uh a shit ton of one thing and then I'll be done with it. And then I'll go to the next thing and I'll like hyperfixate on that for a little while and then I go to the next thing. Yeah, it's an ADHD thing. Uh-huh. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 50:04

Uh-huh. So I still do it every once in a while, but yeah, it's not, it's just not my passion anymore right now. My passion right now is just I'm just trying to stay focused on my kids. And yeah, it's very different than what it is now. There was a lot more meetings involved, but now it's different as in now, instead of me meeting with my sponsor all the time, which I still do, but now I'm sponsoring other women and I get to be of service that way. And it actually took me five years to complete my steps. Um, so I obviously work a 12-step program. Oh, I thought, okay, not the 12-steps. Okay. Yes, I work a 12-step program. So, and usually I mean, people, my goal was to complete them by my by one year sober. But there was times like my second year of sobriety, I walked away from the program. I just didn't want to do it. Also, my like this, my second year was really, really hard for me. I feel like it is for a lot of people, though. Um I think I got very complacent. And once I hit a year and I'm like, I'm good. Yeah, I started kind of hanging out with people who would go out. I even started going out and I stayed sober, but it was just putting myself in maybe not. Riskier situations. You're like, I could give myself the itch right now to do some stuff.

SPEAKER_00 51:12

Maybe I don't need to do that.

SPEAKER_01 51:13

And I actually, and two, just like sharing your life on social media. Obviously, I would get a lot of hate with a lot of things. Oh my gosh, not I'm just so thankful that I was not on TikTok when I was going through all my active addiction times, you know. Like I hear people like Gabby Egan, and yeah, I'm like, girl, I just couldn't imagine having that much.

SPEAKER_00 51:35

I'm so happy social media just like wasn't a thing when I was doing my my worst. Right? But yeah, it's rough. And the stuff just stays out there too. Yeah. So when it comes to social media, so like and with helping other people in their recovery, how do you then protect yourself and like your uh you know, personal state of things to not, I don't know, give too much of yourself. You are super open. I love just how candid you are with things. It's like your socials are, it's not just about recovery. It's like I am watching just like a fellow mom living life. Um, and it's beautiful to watch, but like I feel like you also have to like protect your peace too. How do you do that?

SPEAKER_01 52:16

Yeah, yeah. I've had to work on go through different phases with setting boundaries and how much I would share. And I used to share a lot more recovery content, but the more I share of that, it was it's just, you know, I I had a hard time um for a little bit with people accusing me of not actually being sober. And so that's when I kind of stepped back and I'm like, you know what? This is like my sobriety is my whole life, and I'm just gonna protect that a little bit. So there were times when I stepped away from that, stopped being so open and honestly just to protect myself. It's kind of the same. I've also shared a lot about mental health because my whole life I've struggled with mental health. I remember I went through some scandals, I guess you will, on the on the internet. Like anyone, any content creator has.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

Everybody's got their opinions and stuff to say. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:05

And I remember seeing a comment. It was from a girl that I went to elementary school, middle school, and high school. Oh, and she knows us. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And I remember her saying, I mean, she was kind of a friend, but I thought this was weird. She commented on like a tea page video of me and said, um, I've known Britney her whole life, and she's always struggled with mental health. And like for me, just seeing it like that, like, wow, like people did realize, like even back then that, you know, I have always struggled with things. And I went through some crazy times, like searching for diagnosis. And this is hard. This is my like second year going into third year of sobriety where I it was it almost became another addiction, how much I was focusing to find answers to why I was the way I am. Because like I took away the alcohol, I'm sober, but why am I still feeling this miserable feeling? Like it wasn't the alcohol.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Yeah, it wasn't the alcohol. The alcohol was masking something that we were like you self-soothe as a baby by crying and figuring out something. As a child morphing into a pre-teen and adult, you don't suck your thumb. You literally are grabbing at the different, more advanced version of that, the self-soothing.

SPEAKER_01 54:15

Mm-hmm. You know, I've gotten so many different diagnoses that it for me, I had to kind of step away from it. I also I I tried some medication, just like some mood stabilizers, you know. But I have been diagnosed with BPD, bipolar, but I've also been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. And you can't be by have bipolar and major depressive disorder. So it was very confusing. Feels like it depends on who you talk to. Yes. And like almost what I was going through, because obviously BPD is not going to be present when I have everything else managed.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

It's a hard thing trying to reach out to get diagnoses or just to speak to someone that you think you're supposed to be speaking to about mental health to get that type of help. I've spent decades struggling with that. Yeah. I went in starting with like, I thought it was all physical. Like, why am I, why am I vomiting all the time? Why am I so sick in the morning? Why do why does my body feel like it's dying? I'm not drinking, I'm not doing anything. This is just how my body is right now. And it wasn't until I saw a therapist or like, your body is reacting to like trauma, to negative thoughts, to your anxiety, to your depression. All of this stuff that you hold on to, your body is literally like taking it. Yeah. And it wasn't until I started seeing someone for like mental health stuff. I'm like, this is all starting to make more sense of like the things that are happening in my body. Yeah, it is a balance because you're like, it is good to find out I have ADHD. That explains why I'm not a dumb girl. Yeah. I am extremely smart. I know how to articulate things. I know, but I just have a hard time doing it the way everyone else perceives to be normal. And it's isolating feeling that way. So then it's like, was it that or was it the depression first? Because now I'm depressed because I feel isolated and like no one understands me. And then it's like these different things that have like each other's comorbidities, it all kind of weave in together. That's just the chicken before the egg type of situation. I know.

SPEAKER_01 56:18

I'm like, I always wonder what came first. Was it the mental health problems or was it the addiction?

SPEAKER_00 56:22

Like, what or would it have never been there? Was it always gonna be there? Yeah. Did something unlock this at some certain point? Like, was there ever a way this wasn't gonna happen? Yeah. Or is this just like life? Yeah. And I'm a part of life, and now I have to like navigate the things that life is naturally just gonna bring to me. I'm gonna pick that one. I'm gonna, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What things are you doing now to maintain your sobriety?

SPEAKER_01 56:46

Obviously, for me, so I when I finished my steps at five years, it was a it was a big deal because I have wanted to sponsor women for a long time. I was leading my own meetings, like my third and fourth years in sobriety. I was leading my own meetings. I started them now, kind of handed it over to some other girls to handle that so I could focus on sponsoring other women because that's always been a huge goal of mine. So um I've I've been doing that and I love that. I also had to make a lot of adjustments in my friendships. And the majority of my friends now they are sober. You know, I I thought, and I can be friends with people who drink, but but for me, finding women in recovery who I could relate to and where when we could hang out, we all had the same shot.

SPEAKER_00 57:35

Yes, there wasn't like a what if. I don't know, I don't have to be tempted by this person. This is like my boundary that keeps me safe.

SPEAKER_01 57:41

Yeah. Yeah, it was super important to me. So I have a great group of friends um in recovery now, just really trying to stay sober every single day. For me, too, it was a lot of surrendering to God and giving it to Him and accepting that this, this, this is who I am. Okay, no matter the diagnosis and everything, like this is this is just who I am, and we are gonna figure it out each day. Um, and like learning to like myself, I stro I've just struggled with that so much. Just like constantly hating myself and yeah, yeah, we need to learn to speak nicer, right?

SPEAKER_00 58:23

Especially now that we have, you know, preteen girls. Girly pop girls. Yeah, honestly, I was like, I tell my daughter this. I'm just like, be so aware of how you speak to yourself. It's like there's there are times I speak to myself in a way I would never speak to somebody that I loathe. Yes. And to speak to myself in in a way that I would never speak to another human being is like something that like I really need to be conscious of because I can go there with myself on a daily basis and just tear myself down to when other people say something, I just won't believe it. How could that even be a thing? Because I've already convinced myself otherwise.

SPEAKER_01 58:58

Oh my gosh. Okay, I gotta ask you. Have you have you been to a Packers game? Yes. Ever. Yes. You have? Yeah. I gotta tell you something. Let me. So I am actually banned from all NFL stadiums. What? No. What do you mean? The year before I got sober, 2019, I went to, I was a big Packers fan. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm a mom of three at this point. I went to my first game at Lambeau Field. Yeah. I got so drunk, so wasted that I got I got evicted during the first quarter of theep. It was the first game of the year. They were playing the Seattle Seahawks. Yeah. That was, and that I was still in denial that I had a problem with alcohol. It's a wheat beer. This is your fault. Yeah. And as a I remember my friends, like, because I had I nothing really too crazy happened. I basically I got lost and I ended up passing out like in the hallways where all like the concessions are, like just passing out there. I also ended up peeing my pants though, because that's what I would do when I I was a pants peer. Yeah, pants peer every time I drank. I so I woke up to like all these cops around me. And at that time, my friends must have just found me. Cause I remember them being like, don't arrest her. She's a mom. And the all the cops were like, Well, we're not gonna arrest her, but like she's gotta go. And then two weeks after that, because I didn't tell my husband, I didn't tell my mom. Like, who who wants to admit that during that time? You know, it was just it was a secret. Um, and two weeks after I get a letter in the mail from the NFL saying, and my husband was like, Oh my gosh, you got a letter from Lambo Fields. I was like, What's this? He's like, You want me to open it? I'm like, no, let me open it. And so I opened it, still didn't tell him. I I kept this a secret until like a year or two after into my sobriety. Yeah, I was like, oh, by the way, that letter. And it yeah, basically said if I were to try to enter any stadium ever again, um, I would be arrested. And then I could do an alcohol course, but at that time I was like, I don't need to do an alcohol course.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:54

So I want to know what a good day looks like for you now.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:58

Oh my gosh. My life is so amazing. I truly, I'm just so grateful for everything God has got me through. You know, I feel like I'm, you know, my life isn't perfect and I still struggle with things, but my life today is just like strictly where I used to wake up and focus on how to get the next drink, and everything was so chaotic. I wake up today and my sobriety is my sobriety and my kids and my husband, our family, like it's it's all that matters to me. Um, I live in Florida now. So we I moved obviously, born and raised in Wisconsin, moved to California for two years, 10 years. Now we're in Florida. We've been there for a little over a year, and we absolutely love it. We live in a golf cart.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:41

Yeah. Okay, I saw the golf cart. So you go out there and drive through on a golf car. I was like, oh, that was my dream.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

That was my dream. I know. You're cute, little bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:48

And you're like, mm, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:49

Because like you don't see that in Wisconsin here. No, I didn't even know that life exists.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:52

No, there are there are some, like, there's really nice golf courses around here, but like you can't drive into town in a golf course. Like, people don't have it like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:59

Yeah, but like yeah, we have it like registered, insurance, we have a license plate for it. So does I I love it. I just I love my life so much. I've just kind of been trying to find a new recovery community local, but I have a great, great support system and great community of women all over the world. Obviously, I love social media. I love my community and the connections I've made with people. It's just been it's been so incredible. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:27

What are some of the things you've accomplished that you literally didn't even fathom when you watched previous when you weren't sober?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:34

I mean, one, just reconciling my marriage. That was like that I thought that was never happening. Yes. And he just today, too, he's the most supportive person ever to me. Like we have talked about it so many times because there's been times in my this five and a half years I've been sober where I've struggled and I needed support and I needed more help actually a lot. And um, my husband, you know, he he knows what to do now and he he knows me, and it's not so much as going to the punishing. I think that's why I've always been so open and loud about advocating for support systems, you know, and how telling people how to help their loved ones who are struggling with addiction because I didn't have that. Yeah, and it was the hardest trying to get sober with no support system and everyone against you was was so so difficult. So I'm super loud about advocating um for supporting your loved ones still.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:29

I appreciate that because it's it's not like the love isn't there, there's love there. Sometimes your loved ones are just so overwhelmed, is like this has been going on so long, I I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:40

Yeah, yes. Yeah. And just just rebuilding my trust, even like with my parents and my mom, and it's been a lot of rebuilding relationships, but um, I made my amends, you know, all fully, and it just feels so good. It it hasn't always been the easiest, but it it truly they say you start getting your marbles back at five years sober, like that's a saying. And I truly feel like that has started to happen because it it took a while, you know, your problems don't all go away when the alcohol's gone. Like you have a whole life ahead of you when they figure out you start looking at them.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:16

Exactly. Um, so imagine there's somebody watching right now. If there's any advice that you could give them, maybe they are struggling, maybe they're not willing to say, I am an alcoholic. I they're questioning if they are struggling because they're just in it and this is their life right now. What is a piece of advice you would give them?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:34

So the first step in getting sober is going to be to accepting you have a problem. That's the hardest part to get to because so many of us are in dial denial. No one wants to be an alcoholic or addict, you know? So the first step is just accepting that you have a problem and telling someone or asking for help. You know, everyone's reasoning is going to be different. You know, my rock bottom, yeah, I lost my kids, I lost my house, I lost my husband, I lost everything. That was my rock bottom. But that doesn't mean that you have to. You can get so you can do this before any of that happens.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:09

Bottom's when you stop digging. Exactly. When that's when your bottom is. You just stop digging and you're done with that.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:14

And so many people try to compare and think, oh, I don't have a problem because I'm not as bad as her. Or, you know, and I thought that too. I I'm not an addict because I wasn't using drugs as long as someone else. I've never been arrested. I've never gotten a DUI. And I've never got, I mean, I've been arrested, but I've never gotten a DUI. So that was another thing. Like I must not be that bad. I mean, pretty good driver, yeah. I should have been, but you don't have to wait to get to that point in order to ask for help. Honestly, you're lucky if you get it before you hit that point. Yeah. And I have so many women every single day, you know, DM me and just say, hey, I'm thinking I'm I'm you know, I might have a problem with alcohol. And they just share their story with me. And that's huge. Cause even if you feel like you can't tell someone in your real life you're close to you, tell someone. Someone else.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

There's something about opening up to literally just anyone that kind of also gives like, ooh, it's out there. Yeah. Okay. I feel a little bit lighter. Maybe now I can do something. Or maybe now that person's thinking of me and I'm holding myself a little bit more accountable. Yep. Yeah. Absolutely. So you mentioned that you are building trust with your daughter again. What are some of the ways that you are rebuilding trust with her?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:20

Oh, there's been so many things. But one of the things is showing up consistent consistently in her life, in anything that's going on, being able to be there at the drop of the dime, because that's something I couldn't do in active addiction. You know, I wasn't always able to get up and do the things and be there when she needed me to be there. So showing up consistently, also communicating honestly, because I've always been very open with some people say it's too much, kids shouldn't know all this. But for me, it's really important that my kids understood the disease of addiction and that mommy was sick during this time. And so I've always been very, very open with them. I explained alcoholism to them as an allergy. You know, mommy was allergic to alcohol because that that is, you know, pretty much what it is. And that helped made the most sense to them. Also explaining that you don't always know who's gonna have this allergy, you know, some some until you take that, take that first sip. For me, it was, you know, love it first, love it first drink, but um, so communicating honestly, also almost proving myself in my actions. Yeah. Um, obviously, I can't take back anything that happened, but making amends with them, there are still times like just the other day, my daughter and I we got into a fight and she brought up something that I had said in active addiction. And it it's still hard because um clearly it's something that still she stays with her to this day. So the best thing you know I can do is make amends and make amends by every single day by proving to her and to myself and to the rest of my kids and my husband that I'm serious about this by staying sober. Each day that I stay sober is a living amends that I'm making to them.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:19

Yep, like that was a thing, and you'll never have to worry about that again. I'm so sorry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:24

I think too, just making sure that they have the support that they need, especially her, just with her with her age, making sure that she, you know, she's been in therapy before, and we're getting her the help she needs. So hopefully she has better tools to go down a better path. You know, as she starts these preteen years, you know, I just pray to God that I'm leading by example and she knows more because it was never talked about with me when I was a kid. Like alcoholism and addiction. I had no idea that it ran in my family. And um thankfully nowadays, I think the stigma has gotten a lot better in the fact that, you know, it is discussed more openly. Right. Yep. Not even just addiction, but mental health as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:12

And therapy is so normalized and therapy options, not just like your doctor will prescribe you a person to visit in the doctor's office every six months when you go there to be like, How are you? Yeah. Yeah. Like there's real therapy for out there, especially for kids too. I think that's great that she's in therapy. My daughter's in therapy. Outside of just the things that have happened to her, I like I know it's something I would have appreciated literally at any age. There's just things I wasn't going to open up to with my parents, no matter how hard I wanted to. Right. I don't know how to bring this up in conversation. But when I'm in a room that is with a person dedicated to me, I know I can just kind of blurt it out and we'll like build it up from there. Yeah. Yeah. Brittany, I've loved talking with you. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You're such a wonderful woman. Thank you for having me. So nice meeting you. Yay! Yes. Um, I want everyone to know your socials. So shout out your socials so where people can follow you, find you.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:05

Okay. I am just Brittany Jade on Instagram, TikTok, TikTok mainly. Um, Brittany Jade underscores Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. I should be doing Facebook. But yes, come hang.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:19

I would love to have you. Yes, you'll thoroughly enjoy it. She's absolutely amazing. I'm glad you think I'm funny. You are funny. I think I'm hilarious. You are, but you are good. You're super funny. Yeah. Um, yes, and thank you all for joining us today. Um, I hope you also enjoyed it and have a wonderful rest of your day. Bye. Bye.