Bobby Kazz | Stigma, Binge Eating Relapses & Journey to Men’s Eating Disorder Recovery

At six years old, Bobby Kazz was already asking his mom how to lose weight; by college he was trapped in a cycle of starvation, binge eating and guilt. This episode of Recoverycast shines a light on male eating disorders—a story we rarely hear. Bobby Kazz explains how teasing at his sixth‑birthday pool party and growing up in a thin family planted seeds of insecurity. In high school he decided to “just run and see what happens” and began skipping meals, lying to his parents about eating, and running miles every day until his body felt worse and worse. Compliments about his weight loss fed the disorder and he kept pushing himself even when it hurt.

College marked a turn: after getting an Apple Watch he started walking 30–40,000 steps a day and spending all his free time in the gym to “earn” food. This over‑exercise soon led to binge eating, fueled by loneliness and boredom, and he hit rock bottom in spring 2022. Despite sharing his struggles on TikTok, Bobby Kazz never sought formal treatment; instead, he relied on family support and developed his own tools, like breathwork, eating slowly and reminding himself that relapses are part of recovery. A pivotal moment came when a CrossFit coach told him to eat after a workout—he realized food wasn’t the enemy. Now he trains for marathons, eats to fuel his body and uses his platform to destigmatize male body image issues.

Whether you struggle with binge eating disorder recovery, male body image insecurities, social media and male body image, or you’re looking for eating disorder recovery motivation, Bobby Kazz’s story shows that healing is possible. Tune in to learn how he broke the restrict‑binge cycle, managed triggers and built a healthy relationship with food and movement. Subscribe, drop a comment about your own journey and share this episode—there’s strength in knowing you’re not alone.

Find mental health and addiction treatment near you: https://recovery.com/

⏱️ Chapters:

00:00 – Intro & Men’s Eating Disorder Stigma
02:00 – Childhood Weight & Early Body Dysmorphia
05:50 – High‑School Restriction & Compliments
10:28 – College: Over‑Exercising & Binge Eating
16:30 – Sharing His Story & Social Media Pressure
20:34 – Rock Bottom: Triggers & Relapses
29:00 – Marathon Training & Redefining Health
35:00 – Coping Strategies & Advice for Recovery
43:00 – Final Thoughts, Hope & Call to Action

❓ Questions the Video Answers:

How can a man recognize the signs of an eating disorder?

What makes male eating disorders so stigmatized?

How did childhood teasing and family dynamics affect Bobby Kazz’s body image?

Why did restrictive dieting and over‑exercising feel “normal” to him?

How did compliments about weight loss reinforce unhealthy behaviors?

In what ways did social media and an Apple Watch fuel his binge eating disorder?

What triggers contributed to his worst binge episodes?

How did breathwork, eating slowly and “the blink method” help Bobby Kazz cope with cravings?

Why didn’t he seek formal treatment, and how did he create his own recovery toolkit?

What role did a CrossFit coach’s advice to “eat a lot” play in changing his mindset?

How did training for a marathon teach him to fuel his body properly?

What does he tell his younger self about body image and self‑worth?

How can friends and family support someone recovering from binge eating disorder?

Why are relapses part of the recovery process, and how should you respond?

How can people overcome shame and seek help for eating disorders?

#eatingdisorderrecovery #mensmentalhealth #bodydysmorphia

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Eating disorders amongst men incredibly stigmatized. It's even harder to open up about it as a dude.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Why do you think it's so stigmatized for men?

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Men are taught to put their mental health in their muscles, not openly expressed that. I heard that sound like what I heard that moment. That's a good quote. That's a good quote.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Welcome to Recovery Cast, the podcast where we share authentic stories from influential voices about the joys of life in mental health and addiction recovery. Today we're joined by Bobby Kazmaier, a writer, content creator, and mental health advocate. Known online as Bobby Kaz, he has become a leading voice in the mental health space using his platform to advocate for eating disorder awareness and self-acceptance, particularly for men. Here we go. Thank you all for joining us today. And thank you, Bobby, for joining us for this episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Yeah, we're so excited to have you. Um, before we dive in, what are you hoping that someone takes away from your story?

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Just to feel less alone, uh especially being a guy who went through what I went through with the eating disorders. It's very, very easy to hide what you've gone through. So if there's any way I can help anybody feel less alone, because it is very isolating, especially like I said, being a guy going through that. So there's anybody I can help feel less alone. That's always been the absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yeah. And I really appreciate that about you coming here and telling your story because I feel like it's a story that doesn't get out there a whole lot, or maybe people guys just don't know how to open up about it or are questioning like, is this actually like a thing I'm going through? Right. Growing up, what was your relationship with food, body, image? Where did this all start?

SPEAKER_01 1:42

It was pretty shit from from day one. I'm not gonna I remember I seriously, I was I was six years old asking my mom how to lose weight because I grew up as an overweight kid in a very thin family. So that's where all my issues, I think, started. I because I recognized that I was different from the rest of my family, like because I'm very close with all my cousins on my mom's side. I'm very fortunate that's the case. Like we all grew up 10 minutes in proximity with them. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

You're like first best friends.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Yes, and we still have like our cousins group chat to this day, we're talking all the time. But I spent a lot of time around them growing up and I recognized that I look different from the rest of them. And I just I I think just from watching TV and other media, I recognized that the way I looked was wrong, so to speak. So I was trying to fix that already, but because I was so little, I had no idea how to do that. Yeah. I remember I was like, hey mom, does drinking orange juice help you lose weight? Like I was just asking questions like that at such a young age, just wasn't off to the greatest start.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

No, yeah, relatable. I remember sitting in a swim lesson class when I was like eight years old with my legs down like this and being mad about how big they looked being flat. And I was like, how do I make that smaller? It's crazy to think about that now, but it's like kids at that age really are like considering those things, noticing those things. You did at six. Yeah. So how did that manifest in like a day-to-day for you at that age?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Oh, that's a great question. Like, I mean, honestly, what you just brought up, I totally forgot about that. I remember being in class and like comparing how my thighs look to my classmates. Like it would just be constant comparing myself to others and like hyper aware of your body, yeah. So hyper aware, like all the time looking in mirrors all day, like going to the bathroom at school and just checking myself out in the mirror, seeing if I somehow look different than I did two hours before. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Did you talk, like, did you not like open up at age six to your friend about it? But like, were there comments that you made? Or were you like kind of questioning things and realizing other people may or may not be seeing themselves this way?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Not until I got to high school. Really? Like when I was that young, I thought this was normal or for me to be thinking what I was thinking about and experiencing every day. But it wasn't until I got to high school where I realized that, ooh, this is like not normal, actually.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

And when you're a kid thinking of those things, is there something that like kind of sparked that like noticing? Like, how did how did you start to notice these things? Or was it one day you're just like, I'm seeing this? Or was there like a situation or an event that happened or somebody said something that made you notice your body?

SPEAKER_01 4:00

So, like uh, my sixth birthday party actually, I invited my entire kindergarten class. Uh, it was a pool party. It was in the summer my birthday's in June, so it was in the summer. And one of my classmates came by and we weren't friends. It was one of those things where like you invite your whole class when you're young.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Standard the nice thing to do. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Exactly. Um, so he got there and he the first thing he said was, Oh, you look really fat.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

And I was like, I knew I shouldn't have invited you. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

At that age, that's rough.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Yeah. So that's what kind of kick started looking at myself in the mirror all the time and and constantly overanalyzing how I look and and comparing myself uh to everybody else.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Did you have any adults that kind of picked up on this other than asking like the smaller questions? Did anyone pick up like he's noticing his body and his size?

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Not that I can remember. I feel like I did a really good job of hiding it even at a young age. And also, too, I wasn't like I was maybe 10, 15 pounds overweight. It wasn't anything too drastic by any means. Um, so but no, it wasn't until, like I said, I got older teenage years where it was getting harder to hide it, so to speak, because I was going to even further extremes.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

So I just want to get like an idea as a guy growing up culturally, like out in the world. What was your idea of what your body was supposed to be, or what pressures did you feel like you were under?

SPEAKER_01 5:16

I just wanted to be thin, to be skinny. Like that's what I wanted to be. Cause I pretty much everybody in my life was was that way. And I just wanted to be that way. And I remember too, like in middle school, my friends would check out their like arm veins and like, oh, look, look at how vein they are. And mine were like not even close to being like that. So, like stuff like that, I wanted to have. Just little things like that. Again, just that constant comparison.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Um, all the time. So yeah, just really I just wanted to be as as skinny as possible.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

And at that age, did you know like boys or men could develop eating disorders, or did you associate guys and eating disorders at all?

SPEAKER_01 5:50

I honestly at the time I didn't I didn't even know what an eating disorder was. Oh, really? Okay. Again, like I'd say 15, 16 is when I realized what I was going through was an eating disorder. But at the time, I just again I thought it was normal to be doing what I was doing. Yeah. And the constant comparison and and the uh restriction. And I just thought it was normal. I thought that's what you had to do to lose weight because that's I feel like what we're told.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

It what you're like, I don't, it's not like a health thing, it's skinny. Whatever it is, it's like skinny. That's the thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

So I was like, oh, if I just eat less and move more, then I'll lose weight.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Okay, yeah. So you're in your mid-teens and this is when it starts really kicking in for you. What does your day-to-day look like then? Like, what are these restrictions?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

So I remember um I was a sophomore in high school, I was 15. It was I think like April, something like that. And I was um, I was sitting on my couch watching TV late at night, and I was, I forget what I was eating, but I was snacking on something like out of the box, and I was like, what am I doing? Like, what am I doing? I need to like make a change. And I that was my like, I call like a click moment. I feel like anybody who loses a substantial amount of weight, they have like this click moment. This was mine to like make a change. And I was gonna, so I said to myself, like, okay, after school tomorrow, I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm just gonna run and see what happens. And I did that. And I was like, okay, I'll go back and do it the next day and then the next day. And again, I didn't know anything about how food worked, what I shouldn't and shouldn't be doing. So I was like, okay, well, I also gotta not eat. So I remember like waking up, not bringing anything to school to snack or to have lunch, didn't bring anything. I would lie to my parents and say, like, yeah, I had this at lunch today, but didn't eat anything. Um, and then I would go to the gym and I would run a couple miles and every single day.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

How does your body feel at that point?

SPEAKER_01 7:21

It was it was kind of a shock at first. Yeah, it wasn't quite sure what to do with itself. And then, yeah, as the months went on, I just kept feeling worse and worse, but I was seeing results and what I wanted to, like, I wanted to lose weight, and I did.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

And then what are you getting in return from other people?

SPEAKER_01 7:35

You're getting compliments and you're getting the, oh, wow, did you lose weight? Wow, you look really good.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

It's like reinforces the negative things that you're doing as good things.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

And it's like, you just don't want to stop at that point because you you've never, I've never gotten that before in my life. I've never been complimented on how I look in my life. So once I got that, I'm like, oh, I need to keep pushing this as far as possible because I don't want this to stop.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Yeah. I may be just doing the worst things imaginable to my body right now, but I mean, sometimes, yeah, like the accolades you get from people are it's like you're like, well, you just have to have that thing. It's like, okay, but have you ever had a whole bunch of people telling you how great you look? Yeah. Like constantly and doing it, it builds you up, even though you know how you got there. And you could be like torturing yourself and kill literally killing yourself and starving yourself. And people are like, Oh my god, you look amazing. And you're like, Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

And they have no idea what you're actually doing. No. Every day, they have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah. So did you have friends that kind of picked up on this?

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Not really friends, more so family. They were just ones saying, like, wow, you look really great. Yeah. What are you even doing? Which again, I just love to hear it. I just wanted to keep hearing that. So, yeah, I gotta keep pushing it. And it was like I was weighing myself every single day, multiple times a day for months. And if I saw the scale go up by like 0.1 pounds, I would just be like, Oh my god, what am I doing?

SPEAKER_00 8:46

Really? Okay, so you see the scale go up a pound or two, then what?

SPEAKER_01 8:51

I just drastic I had to take it even further. I had to, okay, I'm not gonna eat for two days, we're not gonna eat for three days. I'm only gonna drink water.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

And at that age, too, and your body's like growing and you're in the gym nonstop.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

And it affected like how I felt at school the couple of days. I felt so lethargic, so tired, I didn't want to do as many things. But I mean, this I think what's the saying, it's like nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Like that is like that's what I want. Like I was in that mentality.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Yeah. But it doesn't stop because it's like you hit that thing, your body looks like this, but you didn't stop. You have to keep going to keep it up.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Yes, and yeah, and and mentally you never feel satisfied. You're like, I need to keep going.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Do you know the point when it switched from like this is a healthy habit to me to this is this is actually kind of dangerous?

SPEAKER_01 9:35

I I had to get it told by somebody else. So what happened was my senior year of high school the first week, again, like I said, I was telling my parents that I was buying lunch and getting lunch at school and I wasn't. And my mom went in and so they checked my account balance. My mom came up to me and was like, hey, we have to, we got we gotta we we gotta talk. And I was like, okay. Um and yeah, like we had that conversation about how this is just not a good, like a healthy thing to be doing. I need to be eating, and that's when it really clicked for me that oh shit, like this is not good.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Yeah, but it's so hard to it is, and like I have to imagine sometime in high school you had a health class where they're kind of explaining it.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Oh, really? That's the thing. It wasn't until I ended up getting my degree in nutrition, so like I learned about the way food works in college, but in high school, there's really nothing like that. And I think that was a huge detriment for me. Yeah, like if I knew like what a calorie was and how it actually works inside your body, I think it would have helped me, but oh my gosh, it has to be mandatory, especially with groups of kids who are like your body's growing and changing.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Half of you are probably doing sports, so I need you all to know that you need to be taking in like thousands of calories to be able to sustain your bodies.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

I had no idea. Rough. I don't know like what a basal metabolic rate was until I was like 17 or 18. I had no idea.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Bring back nutrition courses. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Oh my goodness. So you've spoken about cycling through restriction and binging and over-exercising. What did that look like in your daily life when the eating disorder was at its worst?

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Yeah. So I think high school, my high school years were my restriction years. And then once I got to college, it's when the binge and over-exercising started. Okay. Um, it actually really started when I got my first Apple Watch when I turned 18. And that shows you how many calories you burn every day, all your steps. You can track all of that. Yeah. I think that's when I developed the mentality of, oh, I have to earn you're getting your dopamine hits looking at your wrists. Exactly. So like I I was now under the oppression of, okay, I gotta, I gotta earn everything that I eat. Oh. So that's when I would like I remember like my freshman year of college first semester, I was on my own for the first time, and I'd be going like 30,000, 40,000 steps a day. I'd be in the gym, like whenever I'm not in class, I'd be in the gym trying to burn off what I ate, and then I'd be so hungry because I was so active, I would just eat and eat and eat. And that's when the binging would start to really kick in. That was my first semester. I remember I would go through like four-pound bag at bag to trail mix like a night. And then you feel so guilty in the shame from binging that you feel like you need to overexercise. And it's that's how you that's how I got that's how I got caught into that cycle. So that went on for some time, like the feeling that I need to earn what I eat. But it wasn't until my junior year of college when my bing was at its worst. And that's actually when I was like at my peak with TikTok and talking about this stuff. So I it was it was kind of ironic that like here I was like making this content on TikTok, trying to be uplifting and positive, trying to help others. But I'm kind of still going through like one of the worst parts of my life.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

So when you're sharing your life on TikTok, is it about health and wellness or specifically about disordered eating and body image?

SPEAKER_01 12:31

It started as more health and wellness. Like when I first started, I was like, okay, I'll just make like those what I eat in a day videos. Yeah. I I saw those a lot at the time in 2020 when I started. Those were really popular.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

During that, yeah, during the plague.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

I think I got in at the right time with TikTok at that time. So I wanted to make those. But then I remember to this day, I have this like video saved in my camera roll from like December of 2020. And I had this um realization of this epiphany that I was like, I kind of want to talk about what I went through like in high school with the Emo sort of stuff. There's not a lot of guys who who talk about it. Yeah. So like, why not me? Like, I was ready to, I think I thought at the time, at least I was ready to openly talk about it. Cause like at the time, I think five people in my life knew, like my sister, my parents, and like two of my closest friends. But if I didn't start posting on TikTok, I don't think anybody else would have known to this day. Because again, it's so easy to hide that stuff. But then after a couple months of posting on TikTok, I yeah, like I said, I really wanted to start the eating disorder content. So I started doing that. And then, yeah, for a good two and a half years, like every day, I was talking about my journey, my experiences. And then some of the content I would make too. Like I used to make these like POV videos of like certain situations that I was going through, like with the.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Again, the like the motivation was to make others feel less alone in that sense. Because some of the stuff that you would do, if you say it out loud or write it down, it sounds sounds kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Right. But when you're literally watching a video of someone doing it, like I'm being read to filth right now.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Exactly. But like I think by doing that, it was setting me back because I was putting myself back into those scenarios that I went through when I was a freshman in college and I was making these two years later. So by doing that, it I think was sort of a trigger for me to go back into it. And that's when it got really bad. Like my rock bottom with binge eating was like spring of 2022.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

And at that time, are you sharing on Instagram and socials about progress, or are you showing the real side of it for you?

SPEAKER_01 14:22

A little bit of both. Like I remember I posted a video of me fighting off the urge to binge eat. And then I made a video of me actually binging. So like I was showing the raw, real experiences that I was going through. And looking back, it's it's insane that I did that.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Like it's, I mean, one, I want to know what it felt like when you chose to share originally, because I feel like that is a huge step. I don't know if I've seen more than a handful of men out there sharing their experience with disordered eating or body image.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

I think I'm very fortunate I have a really great support system around me, like family and friends. Like I have the best family and friends in the world, and I knew that openly talking about this on the internet, nobody would think of me differently or they would cut me out or anything like that. I because like I will admit, like the fear was there. Like I've I grew up a very shy person, very introverted person, still kind of am in some ways. So the thought of like posting about this on the internet for anybody to see, yeah, it was daunting 100%. Like when I hit I remember my first video I ever uh made about the eating disorder stuff, I think it was at least 20 takes. Really? And in the final take, I watch it back now and I'm like, who is that? Like I was 19. I was like, I was a little baby. But um, but I remember that video that was like, I think I was just saying, like, this is for all of the guys out there who are struggling or I've dealt with an eating disorder, like you're not alone. That was that was like the premise of it. And it did well enough to the point where I was like, okay, maybe I could keep rolling with this. Yeah. And then once I saw success with that first one, that made it easier to kind of keep building on it.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

And then what is the feedback that you were getting from people when you're showing them like the real rawness of this?

SPEAKER_01 15:55

For my real life, like for my family and friends, it was again, it was all positive. Like it was honestly really cool. I would have some friends that would come up to me and say, Hey, I also went through this. And like I never would have known that if I didn't post what I did it, because like I said, again, it's so easy to hide. Like people telling me this stuff that I never would have guessed.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

Right. Because I mean, if we want it to sound super simple, a guy going to the gym and working out a shit ton, isn't that what he's just supposed to do? It's like, no, no, not when you're starving yourself, and not when you're like not fueling yourself or giving yourself something to sustain after that and working out every single day for hours on it isn't a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

It's not yet. Yeah, the the Jim Bro community were like my original haters in my in my comment section. You're doing it wrong. Yep, exactly. Well, because I think men are taught to put their mental health in their muscles, not openly expressed that. I heard that sound like what I heard that one time. That's a good quote. That's a good quote. I'm not gonna take credit for it, but it's uh uh it's one of my favorites, though.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Yeah. So then you are sharing this and but you're also working towards making it better, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Okay. Are you did you get treatment anywhere at this time?

SPEAKER_01 17:03

I never had treatment. Um, never have. I have nothing against it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

I never just wasn't part of the journey, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

It wasn't part of the journey. I was I don't want to say it was a solo battle what I was dealing with, because again, I have a great support system around me and my family knew about what I was going through. Obviously the internet did as well, but um but I felt like for the most part it was kind of just me on the fly, kind of figuring out how to get through it. But I think I had to go through like my really low rock bottom moments to get to where I am now.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah. How did you like what role did social media or fitness culture play into how you posted or even reinforcing any type of insecurities you may have had?

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Well, it plays a huge role. It's like unavoidable. Yeah. It's it's impossible to get around the the original thoughts that I would have of oh, skinny is always better, you need to be restricting. It's so hard to unsee that. Yeah. So again, it's a weird dichotomy that like I'm posting every day, so I need to be on social media. But then what I see on social media isn't exactly helping me.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

I was gonna say, does this ever lead to like a loop where you're like, I feel like this might be hindering my recovery in this? 100%.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

I it goes back to me always comparing myself to somebody else. If I see somebody and I'm like, oh, I want to look like that, okay. How do I look like that? Okay, I need to not eat this or I need to be doing more of this.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

What was the emotional cost of living with an eating disorder that people might not see on the outside?

SPEAKER_01 18:28

It's all you think about.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Like 24-7. Like the amount of, first of all, like like the social events I decided not to go to because of the food that was gonna be there. So I missed out on so many things because I was just I couldn't handle what was going on inside of my head. That took a huge toll on me. Yeah. Just again, missing out on all these things. Even more isolated. Yes. And then even when you are at these things, you still go and you do indulge on the food, like as you should. Yeah. And I would do that. And then I'm trying to have a conversation with somebody and I can't focus because all I'm thinking about is, oh, I just ate you know five of those brownies that were sitting on those.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

You're just planning like how I'm gonna do it. Yes, you're planning to burn a lot. Yes, exactly. It's like consuming everything that you do. But how did you reconcile the pressure to look healthy with what was actually happening internally? So we want to look healthy. We want to kind of like, I'm showing the world how I'm doing better, but I'm kind of also like not, because internally, like I'm still struggling.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

It took a long time for me to get to that point. Like, I think like to view it. Yes. I think it was I think because I was putting myself out there on social media every day, I felt like I had to reach a certain standard of like, okay, I needed to show everybody that I'm doing great. I'm doing fine, even though, like I said, my lowest of the low was when I was at my peak with making this kind of content.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

So that that definitely took a huge emotional toll on me. Cause like I it was it's weird that I feel like I needed to look the part.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Was there a point where like, this isn't this ain't it? Like I I'm doing the thing, but I'm not getting better. And I need to like cross this some type of threshold to actually like take that next step.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Yes. It was that like that next year, like 2023, my last year of college, is when I decided to pivot away from making that kind of content because I realized that okay, it's actually sort of becoming a detriment to me now.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

Really?

SPEAKER_01 20:13

Because yes, and I and I like I I never wanted to sacrifice my health for a piece of content. Now that did end up happening a bunch of times. The more and more it happened, I was like, okay, this needs to stop because I'm at the time 22 years old. Like I I have this full life I would like to live, and I need to prioritize that over anything else. But also it was very hard to pivot out of that kind of content because my entire audience was built off of that. I built it.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Yeah, because it's the unknown. Like, if I switch this, like what's gonna happen? Right. This has been going good. And sometimes you're willing to like sacrifice yourself for like what you think yourself is.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Yeah, I sacrifice myself for the numbers like a bunch of times. Um, because yeah, I built that up to at the time to like 250,000 people, which is like still like mind-blowing to me. It's like insane. And like I think too, I would feel obligated to make this kind of content because of how helpful it was for some people. Like getting DMs of like, you're the reason why I ate today, or like your video inspired me to make breakfast today. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Like I this podcast is brought to you by recovery.com. Recovery.com is a place where anyone can find mental health or addiction treatment options specific to them. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and so much more. Recovery.com is the best place to find mental health or addiction treatment for anyone, anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Can't put into words how much that means to me. But I think because I would get those quite a bit, I felt this pressure to continue making this content.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Then I kind of realized over time that, well, the content I made isn't going anywhere. Yeah. Like to this day, I I because I still post on TikTok every day, but it's different content. But I'll look through my notifications, my likes. People still like those videos from three, four years ago every single day. That's awesome. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

So a point of reference. And it's also really cool to see your journey and like give yourself grace too. Cause you're really young dealing with that, trying to navigate something so huge while you have a ton of people kind of like watching you makes you feel like you're like, they're depending on me to keep going. But like, did you ever have to take a break from socials?

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Yes. The longest break I took was three weeks or so. Um, but nothing more than that. But yeah, I think because I the way I think about it is like I'm getting up every day and sharing one of the worst parts, in my opinion, about me on the internet every single day. And that can get really mentally draining to do that. And it was the point where okay, I don't know if I want to do this anymore because I myself would like to get to a place where like this is not the first thing on my mind every single day.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

Yeah, you knew there was something better.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Yes. Yeah. And I'm happy to say that's not the case anymore. Like I don't wake up and think about what I ate the day before or like what I'm gonna eat today.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

You've been open about relapse as well and plateaus along the way because it's not just like, you know what, I'm done with this. I think I'll just be better now, you know? So, what's that experience been like for you?

SPEAKER_01 23:04

Yeah, that's something I would say all the time is yeah, progress is not here at all. Um, one of the major points of me talking about this was I wanted to be more of my authentic self with this. And I think that would be discrediting that if I didn't also talk about the negatives or the relapses. Those were really difficult to openly talk about. Like I remember making videos like oh I binge for the first time in two years.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Can you explain what binging is?

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Yes. So for me, binging was after the years of restriction, I think my body was just craving so many nutrients that in a way it kind of wanted them all at once. So with binging, it's different from overeating. With overeating, it's like, okay, I feel this physical feeling of that, okay, I ate I ate a little bit too much at dinner or something like that, and that's it. But with binging, there's this whole like emotional piece of it as well that involves the guilt and the shame of like, I'm just gonna eat my entire fridge and you feel like you can't stop, like that sense of you just lose can all control. Like, there's only been times where I've legit blacked out.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

I don't even know how to explain that feeling, but there's no feeling of full series, two boxes of ego waffles down, and you're like, where's the cantaloupe? Where's random stuff? And you just keep on going.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

I remember like to this day, I have in my notes app, which was to this day my last binge ever, and I titled it rock fucking bottom. And I wrote down every single thing that I ate on that binge, and just reading that is just insane. And then that I put all that down in like 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

And it and you just again you kind of look up and you're like, wow, I just ate my entire fridge, my whole pantry. What just happened? Yeah, but you just you lose all sense of control.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

And when people are around you and you're like, You're skinny, that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Yes, yeah, yeah. Cause yeah, I would walk out out of my apartment and nobody would have no idea what just happened inside my kitchen. Like nobody would know.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Yeah. We've been robbed, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Yes, no, legit, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Um what are some of the things that are triggering binges?

SPEAKER_01 24:53

One of the biggest ones was was just boredom. Like I I've always been a huge boredom eater. And so once I would start, I would give the mentality of, oh, well, I've already messed up. Let me just keep going and I'll just restart tomorrow. So I would start off by eating something and then I would just go, oh, well, there goes that. Might as well eat the the rest of the packet and then then then then then the whole fridge and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Then then pantry's gone. You mentioned you wrote down your last binge. If you can think about that last time, what was going on that caused that to happen?

SPEAKER_01 25:24

So I remember it was my spring break of my junior year of college. I stayed on campus, my roommate he went home, so I was alone. And I would always binge when I was alone. So I think just being alone was a huge hands by yourself, yeah. Exactly. So being alone was huge. And I think I went out for breakfast that morning with one of my friends, and I wasn't happy in my head with what I got for breakfast. I think I got like a stack of pancakes or something like that. And in my head, I was in this impression of, oh, well, that's a bad food. I can't be eating that. So again, oh, I already messed up today. Let me see what else I got. And at the time, because I was doing TikTok and my content was food related, brands would send me food, which didn't that seems it. I definitely like, I don't think I handled it the way I could have.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

Yeah, maybe they thought it was a nutrition and wellness type thing, or what?

SPEAKER_01 26:13

I I really don't know, but I got sent like this this uh it wasn't Crumble, but it was like a brand similar to Crumble, like these giant cookies. Yeah, okay. Yes, it's so good.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Especially as a college kid, that's a score.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Yeah, like I need like free food, like say less. But um, but yeah, I mean, I went through all of those, like, and I think I was supposed to make like a video for them, but I binged on them.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

So like I never got that. Could you resend those cookies? Thanks, guys. I think a neighbor must have stolen them.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Yeah, it just didn't happen.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Um was there ever a point at college where you like just called your parents and were like, I can't do this anymore?

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Actually, no. I think part of me did still feel a little of that shame and embarrassment because I like because of what I was doing on TikTok trying to be this uplifting figure, but I'm still going through this myself. I felt I again I felt shameful to be like I'm still doing it.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

It's hard to give yourself grace in that time, but like you definitely deserved it. Like you're just working and struggling through something.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

What is the next step for you to try it and help yourself?

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Just acknowledging it. Like, and I and I I would try out these different methods to kind of help myself. So, like I made a video on it a couple of years back, but I coined it like the the blink method or something like that. And the way I look at it, this is very personal to me. So I just think time goes by really fast. So what I would do is I would say, okay, like if so let's say I ate breakfast, right? And I know for me, I would feel like a sense of sadness when a meal would be over. And that would also lead me to binge because, like, oh, I just want to like the act of eating, I just thoroughly enjoy. So I want to keep that.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Okay, you were sad because like the eating part was ever.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

I just want to keep getting that dopamine from the food, right? So whenever I sense that coming on, I would say, okay, like time goes by really fast. Like you're gonna blink and it's gonna be lunchtime. Like, and you'll be hungry to have lunch. So I would go to class or go to work, whatever I'd do to distract myself, and I'd be right. I'd a couple hours go by like this, and then it'd be lunchtime and tell myself the same thing at lunch. You're gonna blink and it's dinner time. And like just doing things, like kind of figuring out on the fly how to improve.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yeah, it's like you know how your brain works and you're making your own toolbox to help yourself get through the day.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

Like, is that helpful for everybody? Probably not, but I know that's helpful for me. And like, so that's kind of that's kind of stuff I would begin to start sharing on TikTok as opposed to what I was doing before is like, oh, here's certain situations. If you go through binge eating, yeah, this could be relatable. But I want to try and pivot to like, here's how I'm helping myself. Maybe this could help you as well.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Yeah. What are some other tools that you use to help yourself get through those times?

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Eating slowly, like eating slowly and without distraction. Like I'm like the king of like, I need to be watching something while I eat, need to be stimulated.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

And then all of some like, what the hell did that go?

SPEAKER_01 28:50

Yes, exactly. Yeah, you blank it, five minutes or like 10 minutes goes by, your whole meal's gone. But like slowing down, like taking breaths in between, that helped me so much beyond belief. And just like focusing, oh, like that that tree outside looks really nice. Like instead of um instead of watching something or yeah, that that helps. Watching TV while eating will get you.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

What was your definition of health back then? And then what's your definition of health today?

SPEAKER_01 29:14

So back then it was based on looks, yeah, and now it's based on feel. Okay, do I feel energized? Do I feel good physically? Do I feel good mentally? Whereas before it's like, okay, I need to look as small as possible. Yes. And that means that means I'll be happy.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Associating skinny with healthy and happy.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

And happy wild. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Because when you were at your skinniest, how happy were you?

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Pretty, pretty miserable. Yeah. Put it lightly, pretty miserable. You just never feel satisfied. You want to keep it going.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Because that's not what it was about. You know, it's like not what it's about. Whenever I have a friend that's like, I just want to be skinny, I'm like, oh, what I want to hear is is like, I'm looking to make myself healthier because I just like don't feel this way. And I feel like my body could feel better. Because whenever I hear that, it triggers this. Yeah, but you do know that like having this body doesn't make everything perfect. If you're looking for the perfection in life or for you to be happy, like having a specific body won't be the thing that does it. You have to make sure that your head's good.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Yes, 100%. And like with exercise as a whole, like I'm still a very active person. I love to move my body, but I'm doing it for the right reasons now.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

Because boredom's bad too. Like 100%.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

I need like I need those feel-good endorsements. I need to sweat, I need to feel that. Yeah. But I think before I would force myself to do certain activities that I wouldn't like just to feel like, oh, I got in a good workout. Yeah. And I now I can eat because of what I did. But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna do what I actually want to do.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

And that is more sustainable, anyways.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

Yeah. The balance of it's like now I want to do the thing. Yeah, exactly. Like it's fun to do active stuff. It's not fun to drag yourself to the gym for three hours and just run like your life depends on it.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

Doing that for months.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

Yeah. What are some alternative things you do now to stay active?

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Well, right now I'm training for a marathon.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

That's so cool. What marathon?

SPEAKER_01 30:52

It's in Richmond, Virginia. Oh, super neat. It's next week, actually. It's next Saturday.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Uh yeah, next week.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Thank you. Okay, how do you train for that? That's wild.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

A lot of miles, a lot of food. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Good.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Yeah, which is yeah, really good. And I think that I think this process actually showed me a lot of how far I've come with food in general. Because I think before, if I was in high school training for marathon, I'd be thinking, oh, well, I can't be eating anything.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

Can't be doing that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

When I ran cross countries, like, you want me to go to a pasta party? Yeah, right. Yeah, what? Actually, no car below?

SPEAKER_01 31:22

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Crazy. Who in your life has helped you kind of cross that threshold? Because, like you said, like in high school, I have no education about nutrition and stuff, but you seem to have like figured a lot out since then that has completely changed your lifestyle. So, how does that happen?

SPEAKER_01 31:38

It's actually such a specific example for this question. Okay. So it's actually jump started like a lot for me. So it was like the week before my senior high school. So I was still in this peak restriction phase. And at the time I was still only running because I thought, okay, that's how I got to lose weight. Just run every single day. I didn't know anything about weight training, didn't know anything. Right. And my cousin and her husband, they own a CrossFit gym. They live nearby. And my cousin texted me one day in the summer, like, hey, do you want to come in and take a class? Like, just try it out. And I was like, I was gonna say no, but because I'm a people pleaser, I said, Yeah, I'll try it. Sometimes it works out for us. Yeah, right, yeah. Exactly. I was like, okay, yeah, sure, I'll do it. And I took the class and it was a good class. And after class was over, the coach who was um her husband, he said, All right, now you gotta go eat a lot. And I was like, What? What are you talking about? He's like, Well, you just burned a burned a lot. You you gotta replenish your body and your system. And I was like, Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

Isn't it the funniest, simplest shit people's stuff people will say?

SPEAKER_01 32:34

And you're like, Yeah, like that one moment, I was just like, Oh, food isn't really the enemy. Um so I went home and I had like three giant bowls of pasta, bunch of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I felt great after. Yes. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

And so what you felt great after. That's amazing to hear. I'm like, yeah, what what how did your brain then process that?

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Yeah, my brain was in complete shock. My whole body was like, wait, what are we doing right now? Yeah, we love this. Yeah, wait, this is great. It kind of um yeah, so that one moment really like just another one of those click moments like I talked about earlier with me wanting to lose weight. That was one of those, like, oh, okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Love that. Um and so sometimes when we spend a lot of time holding our bodies back from nutrition, restricting eating, binging, purging, anything on that spectrum, we become really used to it because it's our normal. And we become used to our bodies feeling like they are literally dying and like on E and you're running on fumes. I want to hear like the differences or just what it felt like full-on body image and um binging as opposed to like how your body feels now.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Yes. Well, in terms of I guess can I start with the body image? Yes, please. So with the body image, I would take like progress pictures every single morning. Like first thing I'd do, I'd wake up and I would just critique the way I looked.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

Every morning.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Every single day. And I would take a picture and I'd have like an album in my camp in my camera roll. Like, but I would literally compare from what I looked like from the day before, which is like how much can happen? Right. Yeah, nothing. Like, but I'm I'm here like dissect, like zooming in on certain things, like trying to dissect it, like, okay, well, how can I look even better? Like, okay, well, I look worse here in my head, so I'm not gonna eat as much today. Like, I would based on how much I was gonna eat that day, based on how I looked in that singular mirror picture I would take every single day. So I stopped doing that. And once I stopped doing that, and I recognize, oh, well, now I'm using brain space on other things that aren't my body.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

That extra brain space that you get.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

Yeah, it's like, oh, I can I I have so many more things I can occupy my my brain space with and my mind with. This is this is kind of nice. It took it was hard to get out of that cycle because that like that became habitual to wake up and first thing I do, weigh myself and then go look in the mirror and take a picture.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

But but then you also have to sometimes like fill your brain with other stuff and make sure that it stays positive. Have you found that too? Because when you remove like the things that you're constantly ruminating and thinking about, you're like, wow, I have all this brain space. That that's really cool when it first happens. And then you're like, is this what it's like all the time?

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Yes. Cause I like honestly, the fact that there are people who have never experienced this before, like that still blows my mind to this day. Yeah, seriously, it still blows my mind to this day. But but no, I think a little bit because I think I would fall into the trap of like, okay, now I'm thinking about food more, but not as much as my body. But now food has taken over because I stopped doing that habit before I really got into binge eating.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

Maybe to fill that space, I use food as as part of that to fill up the time and the I do feel that, like, oh, I'm kind of going crazy again a little bit with all this extra space.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

Yeah. Do you currently ever get just like random random triggering moments where you think about stuff?

SPEAKER_01 35:42

A little bit. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

How do you mitigate those moments and move forward?

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Try try like breath work has really like been like life-saving for me. Like all like this happens a lot. I think it happens the most when I'm like in like public social spaces like that involve a lot of food. Because that's always been like a huge trigger for me. Like, even like the holidays, especially.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:01

That's always been a huge trigger for me. Cause like it's so easy to just eat as much as possible.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Because it's always out there 24-7. It's just sitting there.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Yes, it's right there. It's all you can think about.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

But reminding myself, like, okay, that food's not going anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Like you can have some how you feel. And if you want more, go back and get more. But it's also not, it's not going anywhere. It's gonna be there.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

You just have the conversation with yourself. Yes. It's all right, bud. It's all right. Yeah, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Just calm, calm to me, just chill. Like it's all good. You're fine.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Do you find that you have to just like maybe verbalize it to somebody? Like, I'm struggling with my brain right now. It's being a little spicy and mean.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

I actually I've never really, never really done that. No. I maybe I probably should have. And looking back in certain moments, I probably should have done that. Because again, especially a lot of people at this point have knew about what I was going through. I think that definitely would have been helpful. But I think again, I still at times feel that or felt that embarrassment and that shame to I don't want to say anything right now. I don't want to ruin the vibe or anything.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Like I'm so sad. Like it's not ruining the vibe to just be like, I need to talk to somebody. Oh, it'll make it better. Always open up and talk to people about it. What's some advice you would give to younger Bobby right now?

SPEAKER_01 37:12

Younger Bobby. Ugh.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

Little Bobe.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

First, I'll give him, I would try and give him a hug. Man.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

The biggest hug. Yeah. The biggest hug.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

I think he would have liked one. I mean, okay, no, that sounds like I never got hugs, but no, yes, I think like I have a great support system. I swear. Um, no, I would give him a hug. I would let him know that like storm will pass. It's gonna be okay. But it's also like I wouldn't say I wouldn't want him to go through that because I wouldn't be the man I am today if I didn't go through all of that.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Like sometimes I view it as a blessing in disguise of what I went through because I really don't know what my life would be like right now without all this. Like, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. Yeah. I didn't go through that, having this great conversation. Exactly. So yeah, I would just, oh my man, it's it's you're gonna be okay. Yeah, okay. Like you have a great support system around you. Like I think I would tell them to ask for help. Yeah. I never went to treatment or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

I think that's common. I mean, who knows? I could be very wrong, but I feel like in conversations I've had when it comes to a lot of addictions and especially disordered eating or body image stuff, it's something people end up kind of working through themselves and becomes a really isolated thing. Unlike quitting alcohol or drugs, you still have to eat every day.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

That's the thing. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

And you have to like you can't just be like, all right, I quit food. We're not gonna think about it. It's something you have to incorporate in every day. It's not like if I'm a former alcoholic and I have to figure out how to work alcohol into my life. You still have to do that. Right. Um, so it's this daily thing that you're working through. So, what would have helped you, I guess, like talking to younger Bobby after we give him that hug? Like, what are some things that would have helped you?

SPEAKER_01 38:54

I think using more of my resources. I think I had more resources than I thought I did. And I just mean like people that go talk to in my life. Because again, it took like my my mom to come up to me and say, Hey, you're not, you're not eating at school, what's going on? I wish I could have taken the initiative myself to been like, hey, I'm struggling with this. What should I do? I wish I would have gone that route. Because again, I think I I did a lot of this by myself, which I I'm proud of myself for like, in a sense, getting myself out of it. Yeah for the most part. I don't say it was completely on my own, but for the most part it was it was a lot of me. So I wish I utilized that support system a little more. Yeah. 100%. And even like maybe the thought of like going to treatment myself and like seeing what that would have been like, if that would have changed anything or uh expedited the process, yeah. The feeling.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

What do you think kept you from reaching out for help or getting like professional help, outpatient, inpatient?

SPEAKER_01 39:48

The biggest part was being a guy, I think. Because it's so stigmatized eating disorders amongst men, incredibly stigmatized. I mean, there are certain ties all around, but it's even harder to open up about it as a dude. So I think that held me back a ton. Like, okay, no one can know what I'm what I'm experiencing right now because I don't want to be viewed as soft or weak or right.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

And then after you do open up, do you what makes you not get treatment then? Because it's open, but do you feel like I'm progressing on my own?

SPEAKER_01 40:19

It was a little bit of that, and I I will admit it's still a little internal shame like that I even had to open up about it in the first place. I'm really glad I did.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

But I think still it's like, wow, really got to this point.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

Yeah. Why do you think it's so stigmatized for men over women in this area?

SPEAKER_01 40:35

I think just the way eating disorders have been brought up and described over the decades, because I think when you think of an eating disorder, you think of a thin white woman first. That's the first thing you think of that comes to mind. So I think realizing, oh, well, I'm not that. So am I even going to this? Like I was trying to like justify what I was experiencing because I'm not that certain stereotype.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

So I think that was just like, oh, well, I'm not this, so I'm definitely not going to that.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

Yeah, there's someone worse, so it's not me.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

Yeah, it can't be me. There's no way I'm dealing with this. I'm just gonna shove it down.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

The cum yeah, the comparing to your idea of what it looks like.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

Yes. Cause yeah, eating disorders don't discriminate. No, they don't. No.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

What are some of the hardest truths that you've had to learn about yourself through this?

SPEAKER_01 41:22

I think the hardest one was the relapses and recognizing that those are gonna be there. Because it was so easy. Like the like my first relapse, I was thinking, well, I'm back to day one, back to square one. I gotta start all over. Realizing that, oh, okay, a relapse is that's part of it. It sucks that it happened, but I need to recognize my mindset around it. Cause again, my mindset at first when I relapse or have a have a shitty day or shitty week is like, okay, well, I'm just gonna just just keep going. I'm just gonna make it even worse, right?

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

But switching that to like, okay, acknowledge it, recognize that it happened, know that it it's it's okay that it happened, but how can I make tomorrow better? What can I do tomorrow? So prime example is like, I'm gonna have the same breakfast I would have normally had if I didn't binge today.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Like that, it is so hard mentally to do that, to not because your initial instinct is to just restrict or overexercise, do all of all of the things there. But that simple step is like, okay, I'm just gonna go about my day as if this not as if it didn't happen, because you again you gotta acknowledge it, but it's like just kind of detach from it, yeah, so to speak.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Acknowledge it, it happened. I don't need to punish myself when we're gonna treat tomorrow like a new day and it's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Yeah, the past is the past. You can't change it.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Can't change that it happened, but how can I improve my future to make sure it doesn't happen?

SPEAKER_00 42:34

Yeah, that's a great example.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

If it does happen again, okay, we'll do it again.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

In restriction and in binging, there is that cycle of like, I did it, I fucking hate myself and punish myself and then go back to it. But at some point, you're like, no, I'm gonna acknowledge and we're gonna move past it. And that was that's instead of doing a daily relapse, you're acknowledging that relapse is gonna be a part of this, and I'm gonna have bad days in this moment, but I can still continue on with my recovery and it doesn't negate my recovery.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Yes, 100%. Because like the great thing about it is that over time, the bad days turn into, oh, I had a bad, I had one bad day every other month, and now I have one bad day every six months, one bad day a year. And it's like that slow build. Like it's like when you look at it from 10,000 foot overview, it's like, oh, okay, I actually am improving.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

What is a piece of advice you would like to give for anybody out there that is struggling who might have an inkling, or I don't know if this is an issue for me, but I'm just I know I'm not treating my body right. What is a piece of advice you would have for someone out there?

SPEAKER_01 43:34

Like I would say talk to somebody that you know is not going to judge you for it. I know that's unfortunate not the case for everybody. I was very fortunate. Like the first person I ever told actually was my sister, and like swear like this. She's like my rock, basically. So I told her like what I was feeling a little bit, and just telling one person really did make a difference. And just like recognizing I would tell people like you are not alone here. Like, no matter who you are, you're not alone in this at all. Cause I know, like I said, it's so isolating. Especially if you're keeping it all inside of you. It's like, well, no one else is going through this. I know. So it has to be just a me thing. Yeah, yeah. But you start blaming yourself. Yeah. It's like, no, like it's it's not your fault what you're going through.

SPEAKER_00 44:11

And you're definitely not alone at all. And that's why I really, really appreciate you sharing this story because you weren't alone, and the people watching this are not alone in their struggle. This is to like help people connect and find that community because there is something better on the other side. You don't have to feel this way, and there is a wonderful balance on the other side, too.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Oh yeah, yeah. The other side is it's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

Yes. Thank you so much for coming here and sharing your story. I really, really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Thank you so much for having me, Brittany. This was great.

SPEAKER_00 44:45

And thank you all for watching. I hope you have a great rest of your day. We'll see you next time.