Riley Whelan Returns | Alcoholism, Relapse & the Path to Emotional Sobriety

Coming up on three years of sobriety, Riley Whelan returns to Recoverycast to share the profound shift from "not drinking" to achieving true emotional sobriety. After a public journey through addiction and a humbling relapse, Riley discusses the reality of rebuilding a life, the anxiety of the "three-year itch," and why she transitioned from a chaotic lifestyle to finding peace in Saturday nights at home.

Find mental health and addiction treatment near you: https://recovery.com/

In this episode, Riley dives deep into the "amends" process, recounting a powerful and healing confrontation with a family who took her in during her lowest point in San Diego. We explore the tools that keep her grounded—including morning meditation, restorative yoga, and the 12-step program—while navigating her new role as a social media coordinator and recovery advocate. Riley’s story is a testament to the fact that while you can't outthink the disease of addiction, you can outwork it by staying "in the middle of the boat" with the help of a supportive community. Whether you are struggling with alcohol, substances, or the boredom of early recovery, this conversation offers a roadmap for turning wreckage into a life of purpose and sparkle.

Subscribe to hear more stories of hope and resilience. If Riley’s journey resonated with you, leave a comment below!

⏱️ Chapters: 00:00 – The Snapshot: 3 Years Ago vs. Now 02:15 – What is Emotional Sobriety? 05:10 – Practical Tools: Meditation, Yoga & Nature 07:20 – Why Relapse is a Part of the Story 09:15 – Making Amends: Healing the San Diego Trauma 13:45 – The Gift of Boredom & Sitting with Yourself 17:40 – Running From Silence: The Travel Trap 19:45 – Staying Grounded as a Sober Content Creator 24:30 – Navigating Treatment: Residential vs. Sober Living 32:00 – The "Sober Glow" & Breaking the Stigma

❓ Questions the Video Answers:

1. What is the difference between physical and emotional sobriety?
2. How do I handle the boredom and restlessness that comes with long-term recovery?
3. What are the best morning routines for people in addiction recovery?
4. How do I make amends to people I hurt during my addiction?
5. Can yoga and physical exercise help with alcohol cravings?
6. How does ADHD affect the ability to sit still in sobriety?
7. What should I do if I feel like I am "running away" through travel or distractions?
8. How do I stay humble when I start experiencing the "gifts of sobriety"?
9. What is the role of a sponsor in the 12-step program?
10. How do I choose between residential treatment and outpatient care?
11. Does my skin and physical appearance change after quitting alcohol?
12. How can social media be used as a positive tool for recovery?

#SobrietyStories #AlcoholRecovery #MentalHealthMatters

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So if you could take a snapshot of your internal mental state three years ago versus now, paint these pictures of my mental state. Hi everyone and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. We have a fun mini episode with a returning guest, Riley Whalen. Welcome back to Wisconsin. Welcome back to Recovery Cast. It's so great to have you. It feels good to be back. I mean, we're coworkers now. I know. Huge highlight. Yeah. Huge things have happened since the last been here. Yeah. Let's get into it. So let's do just like I'm interested to hear how the last year's been going, how sobriety has been for you. So in the beginning, most people stay sober to stop pain, to stop a lot of chaos. Now that the dust is kind of settled for you, what's your primary why today for your sobriety?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Okay. So first of all, happy to be back. Oh my gosh. It's been so my sobriety date is March 14th, 2023. So we're coming up. We're coming up on three years. So exciting. It is exciting. It's exciting. It's overwhelming in the best way. And obviously, once you get towards the end of like another milestone, you do a lot of reflecting. So thinking about my why, you kind of mentioned like, you know, when people first get sober, they're they're trying to like solve some sort of pain and just like get out of it. And that that was a lot of it for me. And the first like two years, it was really about just not doing drugs and not drinking alcohol.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Definitely think over this past like third year, it's been more about tapping into emotional sobriety, which is really intense. Yeah. It's quite a lot. Explain the difference.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

So, like, you know, when you first get sober, like your main job. And I think like if you're in a 12-step program, a lot of your sponsorship will like tell you like your job and the only thing you have to do perfect. And this goes for sobriety in general. The only thing I have to wake up and do perfect each day is just not drink and not use. And that's what a lot of the first two years looked like. Like I was just kind of becoming a human being. Like I went from someone who didn't have a job, who had no money, you know, no friendships. I had broken relationships at that. Um, and to go from that and also having like this debilitating, you know, addiction to somebody who, like for years and years and years, used drugs and alcohol as my solution. Once that was taken away and I started getting sober, those first two years were just kind of like building my life back up. You know, I got a job, I started repairing relationships. I was in a 12-step program. So I was doing those steps slowly and thoroughly. And it was just like rebuilding. And I kind of got to a place right around, you know, the two-year mark where like those stones had been set in place.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

And the emotional sobriety started coming in. And um, at first it was really, really scary because I think a lot of those emotions that I had suppressed with drugs and alcohol started to resurface. And, you know, I hadn't gotten to the bottom of them. I had started the groundwork on that. Yeah. Like in those first two years, like working through the steps, like I had started taking a look at them, but they were by no means resolved. So that's what I kind of mean when I say like that emotional sobriety started creeping back in because I think in the past, those emotions had started to bubble to the surface and I wanted to just suppress them. And I this time around was like, I am feeling these things again. And I know these before, these are not foreign. I'm really scared at them, but I want to take a look at them now.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

The anxious feeling in your body. It's like this wants to go somewhere, like this thing kind of is like boiling up. Like it needs somewhere to go and like somewhere to put that energy towards. What are some things that are helpful for you? Or even at that time, where you're like, this is what's going to help me get through like these beginning stages of my emotional sobriety and acknowledging my feelings and everything that's kind of coming forth.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

At that time when that was all happening, there was a lot going on. Life was really big and amazing. And I was like, wow, this is this is really intense. And I can feel myself getting anxious and like something's happening. And it really took a call with my sponsor and we started from there. Um, and it was kind of a lot of resentment bubbling up at the surface and just like all the things that happened: resentment, irritable, restlessness, discontentedness, that was all kind of cropping up. And I sat down with my sponsor and we kind of revisited the steps. And then we, you know, revisited like practical tools that work on a day-to-day basis so that like those big blowouts like don't happen so much. Like they're they're less frequent and far and few in between. And a lot of those tools look like doing morning meditation, huge. I have to start my day with stillness. Otherwise, I just experience so much chaos throughout the day with my thinking and my actions. I just act like a bull in a China shop. Like I'm just like barreling through the day. So starting my day off with stillness, trying to make my meetings weekly, that that's a big part of my program. Um, and it, it's what works for me. It might not work for someone else, but that's what works for me. And staying tapped in with people because I noticed that when all of that was happening, I was really, really isolated, which is, you know, exactly where the disease of addiction alcoholism wants you, um, because that's where it thrives. And I noticed, like, oh, I wasn't, I wasn't calling people. I wasn't staying plugged in like I normally do. So calling my sponsor and, you know, the women that helped me get sober more frequently and implementing that in my day-to-day, that really, really helped. Physical exercise was a huge part of my recovery as well. I'm a big yogi because I've been one to like be the type of person, like go to a ton of HIIT workouts and wonder why my cortisol and my stress and my anxiety is like through the roof when I'm like listening to Flume and Fred again in like a 45-minute, like high intensity workouts. So I was like, maybe I should try yoga, like something calm, something calm, something like restorative. I do restorative yoga. I also do hot yoga. And what's interesting is like the principles of yoga are really aligned with 12-step principles. So mind, body, spirit, those were just some like practical things. Being in nature, I'm lucky I live somewhere that's super beautiful. But even, you know, I I grew up in Kentucky and it is very beautiful. But even like when I go and visit home, like I just try to get myself in nature in any way possible. Yeah. So those are just some practical things.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

That's awesome. Um, I I always think like so, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like those those first two years, you're you're working 12 steps. It and then this like restlessness kind of creeps up because it's like a new phase. It's your body telling you like we've kind of like done this thing and we're ready for growth. I think it is.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

I think it's also like my mind's giving me a choice. Like you can either keep pushing this down and keep like putting this pain off, or you can face it. And I've talked about it before. Like I've relapsed. And sometimes when I think back and I reflect on that time, like that's exactly what I was doing. I was pushing back stuff that I thought I wasn't ready to face when in reality, like I kind of don't have a choice. Like I have to face it and I might as well. And I don't know, this time around, like I feel, I feel more ready. Like I felt ready in that moment when I was like, okay, I need to take a look at this. Yeah. Cause otherwise I'm not gonna grow and I'm not gonna, you know, I I get scared, like I'm not gonna achieve long-term sobriety if I keep putting things like this off. So and that's actually something I always tell myself. I I'm like, you know, Riley, like life doesn't just spin around and it turns into rainbows and sunshines because you get sober. Like normal people who don't struggle with alcoholism or addiction face challenges like this on a day-to-day basis. You're actually in the lucky seat because you have tools to deal with this. Like I've been given tools at my feet and it's like up to me to use them. And I just feel really grateful that I have a program and people who can show me how to use them.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Yeah, absolutely. So three years is a long enough time for an apology tour to end and like real trust to be rebuilt with people. How has the dynamic of your closest friendships changed now that people can rely on the sober version of you and the trust that you've built with them?

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Loaded question. It's it's so interesting because part of the steps is making amends. And I'm still like making amends for to some of the people. I'll I'll share this though. So a big part of my story is how I like was in full-blown addiction and I go out on Route 66. What song? Like, what song is playing the whole entire Highest in the Room by Travis Scott, which is ironic because like that's I mean, that's the wave I was writing. Wow. No, there's like triggering songs that like all you do. And I share sometimes too. Like, I was listening to um, I was listening to, oh God, what is it called? Why am I forgetting? Um Your brain's trying to help you. Forensic files. I was listening to forensic files the entire time too. So I was like, yeah, if I break down on the side of the road and that's the end of my story, they'll make an episode about it. But okay, so I go out, but I go out to um Los Angeles and I end up staying with a family in San Diego. And, you know, I was just like, the way I saw it is like I was so down bad. Like I was drinking every moment that I was in that house. And they this was a family who were just kind enough to let me in. COVID had hit while I was out there. They knew I had nowhere to go and they took me in and they had known me previously, but not very well. And um my perception of the whole experience was like I was someone who just brought absolute chaos to their household. And, you know, like they, I am not their child. Like they did not have to deal with me. They paid for my food, they paid for my cost of living, they didn't know, but they paid for my alcohol. Like they were taking care of me. And that was what, like over five years ago. And I was in a I was coming home from staying in Oahu for a month, and I was like, I'm gonna stop through San Diego. And while I was there, I was like, This is I talked to my sponsor. I was like, I think I have an opportunity to make an amends. I'd like to make an amends. And she was like, I think you should. And I reached out to the family and I was like, Can I can I are you willing to hear what I have to say? And the mom happened to be home. Everybody else in the family was traveling. And the mom who was honestly who I really wanted to make it to. Um, because there was this one time where I was at their house and it was right before I ended up going back home to Kentucky. And, you know, we're downstairs in the kitchen um at like 11 in the morning. And I just remember talking to her and she was like, Oh, you're so helpful. And then that's all I remember. I woke up the next day, like having no idea what had happened because I had just been blackout drunk in the middle of the day. And they had no idea, really. I mean, I I think they assumed something had happened, but I I, you know, reached out to the mom and I was like, Would you be willing to hear an amends? And she was like, Yeah, I think you should come by the house. And it was so crazy because they lived in the same place. So I go to this house where I had a lot of trauma and, you know, we sat down and talked for an hour and a half. And she was like, it really like stuck with me because, you know, she was like, What do you think you have to make an amends for? And I was like, Because I brought all this chaos to your house. You know, I was drinking in your home. I was sneaking down in the middle of the night, like drinking. And, you know, I was telling them that I was on pills because I thought that that made more sense than to tell them I was getting blacked out drunk. Yeah. And she was like, you know, I want you to know that like the entire time we never thought anything of you other than like a kind and loving person. And when I think about you, I think about someone who was always helpful. You always helped us with dishes. You were always willing to like step up and be helpful and kind. And she was like, I think no matter what, I want you to know that your kindness and genuineness always shine through more than the other stuff. And it was just wild. And like, you know, I cried and it was really, really healing for me. And that was a huge, really scary amends for me. That's incredible. And it's cool to like go through moments like that and like not have any intention other than to just clean my side of the street, you know? Yeah. For me, going into that, that's my only goal. It's not to make them like me more, it's not to make them trust me more, it's not to get something from them.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

It's just to right my wrongs and clear the wreckage of my past.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

I think that's huge. It's not to convince people of something, it's to speak your truth into why you've come to like, I'm here for a reason because I yeah I owe you this. Yeah, they deserve it.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

They deserve that. And it was just wild to hear like their perspective of like they they didn't, they were like, oh, we didn't, we didn't think you're that bad. I'm like, oh, but it's cool now to have friendships like where I'm in long-term sobriety and I have friends who, you know, have less sobriety or more sobriety, and I'm still like a trusted person. I am the first person that some of my friends call because they they want my advice on things. And I'm like, I don't know if you want this or not, but it's flattering to, you know, have women that look up to me. I have three sponsees who are in long-term sobriety who like so cool. It's so cool. Oh my gosh, like giving each of them a chip and like seeing them do well. And like, it's cool that, you know, my parents can call me and like I will pick up the phone because that was never a thing. And like my sisters rely on me and they can ask me for anything and come to me with anything and trust me. And I don't know. I try not to put too much stock into trust. I just try to lead with my actions and just hope that that follows. But it's been a it's been a really cool, it's one of the gifts of sobriety. That is a huge gift.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

So, for a lot of people, there's this fear that sobriety might bring boredom or like that was all my fun. Like the drama and excitement is kind of gone. How do you handle like the quiet moments in life? And what have you discovered in the silence that you used to try and like avoid?

SPEAKER_00 14:12

This is like harsh, but well, I used to have this. Well, okay, let me back up. It's not harsh. This is I a frame of mind that I used to be in was like only bored people get bored. But that's like not true. I think like boredom is a blessing and it's a gift, and it is something like I just have to live with. Like, okay, I had a sponsor one time when I first got sober, it was like who she told me, like, Riley, you're gonna have to deal with being bored and get over it. Like it's it's just it's the way it is, it's gonna happen. Right. And I I've kind of always, you know, blamed my inability to sit with boredom on having ADHD and like I need to be doing something, my hands need to be doing something. But now I recognize that boredom is really just a cool way uh of me being at peace. And in the beginning stages of sobriety, in those first two years we talked about, I could not sit still. Yeah. And maybe it wasn't a problem then because I was just, you know, I had a really full life, things were really new. There was always something to do. Like if I had free time, I was going to a meeting, filling that time with extracurricular stuff like that. And life kind of, you know, in this third year, it's really slowed down. Like I found my routine that really works. Um, and there's been some moments where it's like, I have nothing to do, weeks where there's nothing to do. And like they're few and far in between now. But like it's still, I found myself around that time I'm talking about where I was like anxious and like, oh my God, I have all this time to sit with, you know, it's like a glitch. And um, I was like, maybe I need to like sit in this and feel this and be okay and recognize that like this is exactly what the 12-step program promises for me, is that I will have serenity. And I maybe I just my idea of serenity was like so skewed, but like I think serenity is just being able to sit and be okay with my thoughts and be okay with myself and have no other external distractions. And um, I don't know. A lot of that like looks like for me now, just like sitting on the couch on a Saturday night, which is very foreign to me and weird and scary.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Isn't it so funny? It's like the things that used to like I I would dread, which led me out to every bar and hanging out with people I didn't give a shit about, was for real. Sitting on a couch on a Friday, Thursday, Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday, and being like, but I bet there's people having fun. Like I could not be by myself. I've had FOMO real bad.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Yeah. Well, and I'm not gonna lie, there was a moment there where especially like social media was doing really well for me. My my job I had started here, and I was like this podcast is brought to you by recovery.com.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Recovery.com is a place where anyone can find mental health or addiction treatment options specific to them. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and so much more. Recovery.com is the best place to find mental health or addiction treatment for anyone, anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Cause I I've saved every dollar that I've pretty much earned from social media, like just to have and to hold. And there was a moment there where I was feeling really stagnant and I was feeling scared because there wasn't anything to do. And I filled that void with travel. And at first I was like, this is fun and exciting, and this is an opportunity. The gifts of sobriety is what I veiled it under. Um, I wrapped it up and put it in a bow and said, This is the gift of sobriety. And kind of like through all of that, I was traveling, girl, like back to back to back city, plane, bus, another club. But yeah, this girl does not sit still. I was like, I took a second, I called my sponsor and I was like, why is this not feeling the way I thought it was? It's not feeling the thing that I thought it was. Right. I was like, why am I feeling shitty here? And she was like, Well, I think you're trying to run away from something or escape something. And we kind of like inventoried, you know, my thoughts behind why I wanted to travel, my motives behind it. Yeah. And it was my inability to sit still and enjoy what I have. And after that, you know, the past, and that's kind of like a past six month thing. And I'm kind of at this place now where I'm like craving being at home on a Saturday night doing nothing. I texted my friend the other day. I was like, I just want to do nothing. Sounds delicious.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

I want to be with myself. Isn't that crazy? Uh that is so wild. Because you couldn't pay me to sit with myself. My own thoughts, disgusted. I know bad things will happen. I know. But now I'm like, I just I would give anything.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Now I'm kind of like, oh shanti, shanti, take these thoughts and let me just oblivion be right. But that's kind of where I'm at. Like there, you know, I was doing a running running around a little bit and trying to get away from that. And in the past like six-month-ish, I was like, you know what? I kind of want to go a different direction here. It was kind of like what I was talking about earlier. Like, I wanna, I want a new perspective, I want a new experience, I want to experience some stillness. And it's been really cool.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

I want to let my roots creep out. I didn't say plant them, but I said creep out where they're a little more stable. Yeah. In like one spot. So in the first year, we talk a lot about like we feel like superheroes. You are riding that pink cloud, you're just like untouchable. Um, and then sobriety evolves. By year three, the novelty kind of wears off. How do you keep your ego in check and like stay grounded, stay teachable, and like maintain that like growth mindset?

SPEAKER_00 19:45

It's been interesting with social media because in the beginning, that like and I think anybody who's a sober content creator has experienced this where it's like, whoa, I, you know, I have all these people who are looking up to me and want to hear my story and want me to share. But I found like that like inflated my ego for a minute there. Like a year ago is kind of when things started popping off. And it it wasn't anything I ever expressed externally, but I felt it internally. I was like, wow, like I'm getting hella validation from the internet right now. But it kind of turned into this really cool thing where I realized like I was able to reach so many young women that were reaching out to me. And like so cool to have people that were like, I went to rehab because you talked about how rehab shouldn't be stigmatized. And I, you know, I'm 60 days sober and you helped me get there. And that was like, that's like when it kind of I was like, oh my God, this is why I do what I do. Yeah. So staying grounded through all of that and like through the novelty of like early sobriety wearing off, which for me it wore off really quick. I was like, damn, like here I am again. I relapsed for seven months after almost two years. Like, oh my gosh. Like I came in with some humility on that because I was like, I never thought I would be there. I got checked. Yeah. I got checked. I never thought like the disease will not catch up to me. Like, I'm never gonna fall for that. Like, I know I'm an alcoholic. I told myself all these things, but the thing is, like, you can't outthink alcoholism. It's way more smarter than you. So how I stayed grounded through all of that is like working with other women. I have three sponsees who, two of them are actively in the steps. One, you know, they call me, most of them call me every day, every other day. And like that has really helped me because I've had sponsees who have come to me with like so much wisdom. And I'm like, you know, you're at a year and you're thinking like that. Like, where, where am I, where am I at? And so my sponsees keep me humble, they keep me grounded, they keep me in the program. Cause sometimes, you know, life gets busy. I can't make all the meetings that I wish I could. Absolutely. It's it's a wonderful tool for accountability. And um, you know, you want to be a good role model. And like for me, I'm never gonna tell, and I've told my sponsees all of this, I'm never gonna tell you something to to do something I wouldn't do. Yeah. So I'm like five. I want to be a good role model and I want to be a good example of a woman in sobriety. I need to be doing good things, like good things that a good woman, a strong woman in sobriety would be doing. Which is like being honest and being kind and being tolerant and loving towards all, which is easier said than done. But it really but just trying to be the best version of myself. That way, you know, I can lead by example to all these women, not just my sponsees, but women who look up to me on the internet, women who look up to me um as far as like my friendships go. Um, and just not forgetting where I came from is a big thing too. Like not forgetting the people who have helped me stay sober. Like when I was doing a lot of traveling, my friend Sadie, she was like, just don't forget about like where you are, like where you came from, who helped you get sober. And like that, that kind of stuck out to me because I think it's easy to get sober and get all the gifts of sobriety and then take them and run towards the sun. And I think that's where you get in trouble because you know, for me, the second that I've stepped away from the people, the program, that's when things get scary for me. So just staying in the middle of the boat keeps me pretty humble, keeps me at bay. Yeah. No pun intended. Um I'm on the boat. I'm a bait. Literally. And it it keeps me, it keeps me grounded. I I would say that's what that's what does it for me today.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

That's awesome. And you've immersed yourself even more in the recovery community because now wait, what are we talking about? So you now work alongside us at recovery.com. For those of you that don't know, recovery.com is a website where anyone in any place of the world can log on and find mental health or substance use addiction treatment. Um, there's so many options to search to make that journey a little bit easier for people. It's a huge step. I've worked here for almost four years now. Uh, we have like the coolest bunch of coworkers. What so tell people about what you are doing here now. So, what are you doing? Um, I'm a social media coordinator.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

So they picked a good one. Socials. Um, it's yeah, I mean, it's been really cool. I think like what we do here is so important. And I just it's so interesting to me because when I first started here, I just didn't my mind, I felt like was so tunnel vision on alcohol and drugs. Like I didn't uh I guess consider the scope of mental health that treatment offers. Like it was baffling to me. Like we have treatment for pretty much everything.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Like PTSD was a huge one. I was like, wow, like people do need that.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

And yeah, and there's places that just specialize in that. And it's 100%. And when you're looking for something, like I don't know what your experience was like looking for treatment, but I I I literally started on Google and I was just like therapist near me. Why did I think like a therapist like that, like no shade to therapist, but I didn't need a therapist. Like what I needed was somebody to like sit there and like help me through a very specific thing outside of that.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Random. Like I the first time I ever went to treatment, my dad's like assistant like got me in touch with a woman who basically gave me three options. And I just I didn't understand the information. And I didn't understand treatment in general. Like I I've said this a million times. I thought I was gonna go to rehab and or treatment is this cooler word. Um, and they were gonna teach me how to drink better. And I was gonna leave that place being able to have four drinks.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Like health class. Like one glass of wine equals one shot equals like that.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

You guys just I just need to get searching. Yeah, 100%. And so I just didn't understand the information coming at me. And like I'm in the throes of alcoholism. Like I'm remembering one word you said, and I just picked the first one and like, you know, it it did what it was supposed to do. It planted a seed, but like, you know, I've been to a different treatment center since then and like totally different experience, life-changing. And, you know, they really, really set the tone. And I think it was also like there were just so many variables that I wish I had known the first girl around. But like, yeah, it's hard.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

There's not really like um a t I don't know, it like not a lot of people talk about it. So when you do find a place, it's generally like word of mouth or a shot in the dark with a Google search. For sure. I feel like that's like the the glorious part of our work. It's like people can go to this one trusted resource, they can search with their insurance, they can look up specialization, not only find treatment, but also like get like education about the treatment that they're going to be getting, like different treatment modalities, different like I had no idea the difference between like residential outpatient, partial hospitalization. Oh my gosh. Like I when I started here, I literally didn't know the difference between residential and sober living. I'm a residential girl. Yeah. I I had to have someone explain it to me. I was like, that makes a lot of sense. People should know the difference because it's kind of like I'm they're like two very different things. Yeah. Um, and not knowing these things, I feel like can hinder people's treatment. Also, have them going multiple times. Like you said, like it kind of did the trick. Like I got sober, I was like kind of learning some things. But when you're like empowered to pick your own place because these are the people that are going to treat the specific things that you're looking for. I feel like that's a good, it's a better starting off point when it is. You're looking to for that long-term recovery.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

I always like think about the family members that we reach to because it's so my parents were so foreign to I mean, it's their first time living. They have, I can't even imagine they have a daughter who's drinking every day in their little camper on their property. Like they can't even open the door, she's passed out drunk. But my heart goes out to them because they didn't know what what to do. I remember my dad coming to me at some point and he was like, What do you think we should do? And I was like, I don't know. Pape what? I feel like rehab. I don't know. You're like, I don't know, I'm drunk. And they didn't have any friends uh to run that by. I didn't know any of their sober people. Yeah. And they didn't know any people whose kids had gotten sober. And I bet it's scary. Like, how do you know when? Like, how do you make that decision? How do you make that call? And it's heartbreaking, I'm sure, to see like your firstborn like going to treatment. So I always like consider my parents and I consider parents when I think about the work that we're doing. They're going through a lot of stuff. Yeah. We I always think about them because I'm like, if they had known that this existed, it probably would have made their experience a lot just easier in a moment that's like really hard, just emotionally, anyways. Yeah. To make anything easier for somebody who's going through that. Um, and I also think about me. Like I at that time was like Googling like, what do I do if I'm drinking every day? Long-term effects of the body, should I go to rehab? Like, I'm in the throes of it. And like, I think if like an SEO had driven recovery.com to my phone, like I probably would have clicked it and like looked around.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Because there's something to be said about just listening to people's like Reddit, like this is how I experienced it. Cool. But could I have a clinician kind of like explain like what is about to happen? Cause like somebody's like personal anecdote is something, but like I appreciate that we have both. We have people come in here and tell their stories, and we also have a resource spot on the website if you are looking for like how do I explain DBT to the person that I think would really benefit from it? Yeah. How do I pass this link on in a nice way? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Yeah. I think about my I think about you know, people who are in it and need help and like they want to know what to expect, and they're like looking up like, can I bring my phone to rehab? Can I bring clothes to rehab? Like I have had people ask me crazy things and I'm like, oh my gosh, people don't know this. Yeah. They don't know that.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

And like the smallest thing too could be something that's going to deter somebody from not getting treatment.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Some jobs like offer, you know, paid leave to go to treatment or like I don't know. Offer to take care of people.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Yeah. I know. So nice. So, like, how has your TikTok, like how has all of the socials, the tiki tacky, how's that evolved over the last three years? Because like you've posted some like raw videos from the get-go. Yeah. Um, and now it's it's like I I love watching what you're doing. I mean, the travel thing was insane. I was so flipping jealous. I was like, this girl does not sit still and I just want to jump in her suitcase. But like the evolution of like you just sharing your life.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

Tell us more about that. Well, it started off as me just sharing my story and I I wanted to share it for fun. I mean, I also right around, you know, this time last year, well, like uh January last year, I was bored dog sitting, and I was like, maybe I should share my story. Maybe it might help somebody, maybe it'll entertain somebody. Um, and it kind of did both. And that's kind of always what I've done with all of my stories. I'm one of those people that has a lot of stories, unfortunately. Fortunately. Um, and I think over, you know, the past year, especially, like it kind of started off as like, I want to entertain people while also educating them. I think that's the best way to do it. Um, because if you can, you know, leave people feeling a little lighter by sharing your story. I always think like is the best. Um, and I always try to break down, you know, all of my TikToks. Like, if it starts off with a story, I want it to end with some experience, strength, and hope and solution to let people know, you know, you could be me at the beginning, but it you can also be me at the end. It's really intentional. I like that. Yeah, because it's like if I'm just out here like sharing war stories and romanticizing alcoholism, I'm not helping anybody. Over the past year, it's kind of turned into just me just talking about sobriety and like sharing more of my life and revisiting old stuff because I think like that's important too. Yeah. Um, I have had so many people, if I opened my DMs right now that, you know, have reached out to me and I can't answer every single person. I held your phone once to take a picture and I was like, could just take a break, guys. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

It's blowing up the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

It's cool though, because at least like, you know, I I try to get back to as many people as I can because I I just like know what that's like. And I my big thing is I want people to know that social media can be used for good. Yeah. I can't even imagine if like I had TikTok while I was trying to get sober. Like the information that's out here today is like so inspiring, and there's so many sober content creators that I look up to in the space. And my goal is just to always help one person, and I think I've done that in the past year. And I I think you definitely have. I hope I have. And I I I look back on this past year very proud of the people who have helped me get to this point and proud of myself and proud of my family and proud of all the people. I'm proud of the work we do here. And I don't know, my my social media is just like one blip of who I am. Um, but it means a lot to me just because it it helps me see at a scale. Not that it ever matters, like I said, one person is enough, but it helps me see at a scale of how many people my story has been able to help. Um, and other people, like so many people share their story with me and it helps me. And you know, for me to go online and be like, yeah, I drank vanilla extract as an alcoholic. And what? And what about it? And like that was really vulnerable for me, but it's the truth. Yeah. I've drank every extract vanilla, banana, lemon, the worst. It's lemon, worst. Right. And I think back, like, oh my God, like people, there were moments where I was like, oh my God, people from my high school are gonna see that. But I have had so many people that have been like, dude, me too. Yeah. You're not the only one. You're not the only one. They were like, you know, I've drank perfume, and like I'm like, I I've thought about that one.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Like I had a friend that booked it out of her car while her parents ran into Target after she got out of treatment, booked it into the like store, bought listenerine, chugged it before they got back. Well, it's not uncommon, but people need to hear these stories so they don't so feel so alone in these actions.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

And that's that's helped me so much. So it was like I was doing that story to educate and help people, and then in return, I I received help and support. So it's been it's been really cool. That's so beautiful. I love this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Oh, and I have this job because of tech jobs. Yes. And it but it's just so cool now because your phone does be blown up. And I I a lot of people look up to you, a lot of people relate to you, and then a lot of people are like, How can I start my journey too? And are reaching out to you. And I think this like partnership, this job partnership, it's a job, girl. It's you working hard. You be working hard, yeah. Um, I have a new collab. Yeah. But like, I it's it's great because now people can use this tool to kind of help with that. Like they're looking for help. Like, cool, like we rep this place, that's exactly that.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

So that's my question is always like, do you want to go to treatment? Do you want to go to a meeting? Like, where are you at? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

I'm gonna go from there. We're gonna have a meeting finder soon. Uh huh. So if you could take a snapshot of your internal mental state three years ago versus now, paint these pictures. Paint these paint these snapshots of my mental state.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

Okay, have you ever seen Black Blood Null? Have you seen the the episode of Sam will know? Have you seen the episode of SpongeBob where he's like, name? Where is it? And they're all like running around in the break. My name, my name. That's a great way, I think, to put my first, you know, first months in sobriety. Like my only focus really was sobriety. And then like anything outside of it, I'm like, I uh I like called my sponsor the first time I got my paycheck when I first got sober, I called my sponsor. I was like, I just got my paycheck. What do I do with the money? She's like, I don't know, save it, go get groceries. But like, you know, the it's just like I didn't know what to do and I didn't trust myself with anything. Like, I didn't trust myself with like I was just clocking everything. I'm like, what are my motives? I want to be friends with this person, but why? Um, so I just like I didn't have the trust and the confidence in the beginning. And I think like if I could do a mental snapshot of me at three years, it would be mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Clock it. Yep. You've done this. Me and my higher power and my sponsor and all my people in my 12-step program, you guys, my coworkers, like you guys have all, you know, built me up and helped me get to this point. And so we're all clocking it together. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

I would say this is this is my mental snapshot. Like reading it. I love it. I love it. No, that's amazing. I love it. Like, it has been so cool getting to know you over the last year. Um, you are thriving, you are glowing. Like, actual real last question like, do you think your skin would be this amazing had it not been for sobriety?

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Oh, well, I'll show you a picture one day of like what I looked at. And like the the toll that alcohol took on my body, like, even you know, at three months sober, I was like, I want to change, I want to look different. And then, you know, I'm just like kind of like leveled out. You've evolved. You do, you glow up. Like people always say, like, when you see somebody, when somebody gets sober, you know, because you see it in their eyes. And I think that's the glow, the sparkle when people are talking about it. Cause like this is the center of my face. This is like where all my truth lies. And my eyes are a little runny and cold today. Um, we've been working really hard this week, though. So the weather here is yeah is doing something on my eyeballs, but my eyeballs aren't like your weather. But for the most part, it's it's the glow is in our eyes. I'm also tan, so yeah, you are tan. It's just every time I hear, I'm like, uh damn. Yeah, where's the sun? Scott yesterday was like, You are you are very tan. Uh-huh. Yeah. Thank you, Scott. Yeah. Thank you. I was in Hawaii jealous three months ago.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

Just remind people, what are all your handles? Where can people follow you and learn more about your recovery story? Rightway or the highway.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Rightway or the highway.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

Limp biscuit? Uh-huh. I was like, I wonder if she's ever heard that sign. I have had people send it to me. They're like, this is you. I'm like, yeah. Like, what does everyone keep sending me this limp biscuit guy? Right on the highway. And thank you all for joining us. We appreciate it every single time, and we'll catch you on the next episode of Covercast.