Casey Johnson | F Boy Island, Alcohol Abuse, & Sobriety Recovery

F Boy Island star Casey Johnson gets vulnerable about his hidden cycle of binge drinking, cocaine use, and his powerful journey to true sobriety.

In this deeply moving episode of Recoverycast, reality TV star Casey Johnson opens up about the dark side of sudden fame, mental health challenges, and substance use. From his college baseball days to starring on multiple seasons of F Boy Island, Casey used alcohol and cocaine as a crutch to escape mild OCD, severe anxiety, and crippling panic attacks. What started as normal college partying quickly snowballed into an exhausting cycle of isolation, intense binge drinking, and a devastating emotional low point on his 27th birthday.

Find mental health and addiction treatment near you: https://recovery.com/

Casey shares how an unexpected lifeline from comedian Nikki Glaser and reading the right literature completely reframed his mindset around substance use. By shifting away from a toxic feeling of deprivation and adopting a clear strategy for relapse prevention, he discovered the true joy of a healthy, present lifestyle. Now thriving as an accountability content creator, successful dating coach, and soon-to-be husband, Casey's raw narrative stands out among sobriety stories as a beacon of genuine hope for anyone struggling to regain control of their life. Learn how he overcame high-pressure television environments, embraced professional therapy, managed severe panic, and completely rebuilt his self-worth from the ground up.

If you or someone you love is navigating a similar journey through addiction recovery, please remember that you do not have to walk this path alone. Subscribe to Recoverycast for more inspiring content, leave a comment below with your own reflections, and share this video with someone who needs a reminder that they are going to be okay.

⏱️ Chapters:
00:00 – Intro
02:58 – Welcome Casey Johnson
04:06 – College Binge Drinking & Early Signs
12:12 – First Panic Attack & Alcohol as a Crutch
18:05 – Transition to Cocaine Use
24:52 – Behind the Scenes of F Boy Island
36:56 – Reaching Rock Bottom on My 27th Birthday
48:26 – Texting Nikki Glaser & Finding the Book
52:53 – Small Wins in the First 90 Days
56:22 – Rebuilding Relationships & Future Hopes

❓ Questions the Video Answers:

How does sudden reality TV fame affect mental health and substance use?

What are the early signs that college binge drinking is becoming a serious problem?

Can smoking weed trigger severe panic attacks and anxiety?

Why do people use alcohol or cocaine as a crutch for social anxiety?

How can reframing your perspective on alcohol help you maintain long-term sobriety?

What role does a supportive community or therapy play in addiction recovery?

How can you escape an exhausting cycle of blackout drinking and isolation?

What are the physical and mental benefits of the first 90 days of sobriety?

How do you rebuild broken family relationships after achieving sobriety?

What advice does an accountability coach have for individuals struggling with self-worth?

How do you transition from an unstable lifestyle to a healthy, committed marriage?

Can a single book change your entire mindset about quitting drinking without willpower?

#AddictionRecovery #SobrietyStories #MentalHealth

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

It was my birthday and I spent it with my drug dealer. It was bittersweet, but it was ultimately pathetic. And after all these years of like, oh, you've got potential. There's nothing worse than hearing you've got potential. Like, so you're saying I could possibly in the future be this better version of the phone.

SPEAKER_10 0:14

Someone give me the key so I can unlock that potential.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Where is it?

SPEAKER_10 0:18

It looks like we've we've unlocked it. I think we found our potential.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

I think we got.

unknown 0:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Yeah. So, anyways. Potential. Now I'm sober.

SPEAKER_10 0:34

Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. I'm Brittany Bainard.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

And I'm Sam Roberts, and we are so excited for you to be here today.

SPEAKER_10 0:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

To hear this episode with the Casey Johnson.

SPEAKER_10 0:45

The Casey Johnson. Casey was super fun. Um, we've had like quite a few reality shows. Casey, you'll know him from F-Boy Island, um, seasons one, two, and three. I love having reality. That's kind of like my thing. I love a good reality show. Do you watch reality TV?

SPEAKER_00 1:01

I catch it when I'm in the same room as my wife while she's watching it and very familiar. And I am embarrassed to say I do have to ask her a lot hey, who is this person? Have you heard of this person?

SPEAKER_10 1:12

Yeah. Did she ever freak out when you're like, guess who we have on? And she's like, no way, stop.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Yeah. Like when we had Carl Radke, I'm like, have you heard of? I mean, like, I'm a little familiar. Uh-huh. I sometimes I like to play it up, like, have you ever heard of someone named Carl Radke?

SPEAKER_10 1:25

And she's like, Shut up, shut up. I do that with my sister when I'm like trying to downplay it.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Yeah. Brittany, do you mind if I read you a couple comments before we get into the episode?

SPEAKER_10 1:33

I was waiting for you to ask.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

All right. I love this one, genuinely. Uh, this person said, My father's an addict, and this really gave me hope for him and his future. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. If you get from any of these interviews, oh, a person that I know has a future.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Great. Amazing. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

I absolutely, I mean, like if you come because you're like, oh, I love Summerhouse and I want to hear about what Carl Radke has to say. Amazing. I I'm super happy that you're here. And I know that that sounded sarcastic. I didn't mean for that to sound sarcastic. Anyway, can I read you one more comment? Yes, please. All right. Uh, this one came uh from uh Maggie's episode. This person commented uh uh for Maggie Eat's episode, we love Maggie. Yeah, we do. She's an inspiration, even to those of us who have never had an addiction issue. She's amazing and real, and watching her thrive in her journey is amazing.

SPEAKER_09 2:21

I love Maggie.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Again, just really quick like we are aware that a lot of our listeners um are not in addiction recovery themselves, or maybe even like a broader like mental health recovery of sorts. Um, but you're a person and you see the humanity in other people. Um and that's exactly what I hope people get away from this podcast. So thank you for commenting. Thank you for listening. Uh, we love reading the reviews and comments and emails that you sent in.

SPEAKER_10 2:45

So yeah, it means a lot. And with that, I guess here's the episode. Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. Today we are joined by Casey Johnson, widely known for his breakout appearance on the reality TV show F Boy Island. Uh Casey has spent years privately navigating an intense cycle of substance abuse before turning his life around through total sobriety. Today he is thriving, a content creator, dating coach, and most recently fianced. Casey, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_10 3:25

Thank you so much for coming to Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_04 3:27

Honestly, uh there's a lot of cheese here, right? So much cheese. That's why I wore this yellow shirt.

SPEAKER_10 3:32

Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Yeah in solidarity.

SPEAKER_10 3:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:34

With the Wisconsin, how do you what do you guys call it? Wisconsin's Wisconsinites. Wisconsinites. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 3:38

But you guys say Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_10 3:40

Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_04 3:41

Widely known for F-Boy Island.

SPEAKER_10 3:43

I don't know about that, but and it's so crazy too. Like your journey through like the initial come up, blow up and everything to where you are now is insane from F-Boy to like Mr. Accountability. So I'm really excited to get your story out there and help share that. So experience with substance, we'll start there. Started around college for you.

SPEAKER_04 4:06

In short terms, I wasn't a I was a very straight and narrow in high school. You know, I had my I had my school sports. I was a baseball player.

SPEAKER_10 4:13

Okay, cool, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

But once I got to college and it started to experience alcohol and type of partying and everything, it was no parents. No parents. I have a huge problem with the United States college system. Like I think it's very flawed in a sense of your setup for failure when it comes to alcohol. But yes, um, wasn't a big part of your in high school and then college um was fun, but I that's when the wheels, you know, there were early signs of the wheels.

SPEAKER_10 4:39

Okay, what are some of those early signs?

SPEAKER_04 4:41

I'm just an extreme person in a sense of like if I'm gonna do something, I like to see what I can get away with. Yeah. I've always been like that. I just never wanted to be normal.

SPEAKER_09 4:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

I never wanted to be normal.

SPEAKER_09 4:53

Seeking something.

SPEAKER_04 4:54

Seeking, not even attention, just being different.

SPEAKER_09 4:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:57

Like just being different. And so uh in in college, alcohol became my escape to be funny and different, and uh it was normal because like, oh, he's just drunk.

SPEAKER_06 5:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Right. Like he, oh, there's the guy over there. Why is he naked? Like, why is why is his shirt off? Or what yeah, what why is he doing that again? Or well, I'll say this I'm super fun to hang out with when I'm drinking for like the first like three or four hours. And I wouldn't even say I would argue that there's some times where I'm fun after, but my friends and family would argue that there's a there's a switch that that flips to where I'm not an angry person or a mean person, but when you've had you know 12 shots of vodka, like no one's gonna function. What do they say? Uh drunk words are sober thoughts. Yeah. I don't agree with that. Uh from what I've researched about alcohol, it kind of just inhibits you from like all your impulses that come in. Like right now, like, okay, my brain's like, all right, like order a whole cheese pizza and eat a whole cheese pizza. Like, I'm not gonna like yes, yes, that's an impulse thought. I'm not gonna do that, I don't need that. But like when you're drunk, those thoughts that come to you, you're like, oh, maybe maybe. Like, maybe I should eat all that food, or maybe I should go talk to that person, or maybe I should uh drive, you know. Like if you're sober and you're like, hey, would you drink and drive? You're like, no.

SPEAKER_10 6:18

Yeah, the filter's down.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

The filter's down. So I don't think uh, you know, they're like, oh, you you cheated on your girlfriend, so like you were thinking about doing that sober. I'm like, no, I wasn't. Yeah. But as soon as I got drunk, I'm like, that's a great idea.

SPEAKER_10 6:30

So a lot of times when it comes with like excessive drinking, and you said before, like I was always seeking more, like, where does that come from?

SPEAKER_04 6:38

Yeah, looking back, I have always been I've always been a thinker. Yeah. I've always been a thinker, I've always been in my head.

SPEAKER_10 6:46

Um all the tabs on.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

All the tabs on. I do have mild OCD. Well, you know, whatever though. It's just like so for me, I was always thinking, like, even if when I was younger, I wasn't able to fully enjoy things sometimes because I'd be either thinking about something I had to do or big crazy stuff, like where the where the fk am I right now? Like I'm like eight years old and I'm like, poof, like where's God? This is a big world. It's a big world.

SPEAKER_05 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:17

And so alcohol became a beautiful thing for me because it allowed me to be present and it allowed me to relax into my own brain. And I would always say, like, I could sit and stare at the wall if I had a drink, because I would just be like at peace. And that's great for one drink or two drinks or three drinks. But for me, I never I never wanted the party to be over.

SPEAKER_09 7:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:44

Like when the party was over, not because I loved drinking, but because it w I was calm and I was also like I was able to connect with other people without those worries.

SPEAKER_09 7:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

Looking back, that's the easy way out. Right? Like numbing yourself with alcohol so you don't have to confront some of the things that you're thinking about. I want you to know that all these takes are not a blanket statement for anyone else. These are just for my experience. Man, I sound smart now that I'm older, dude.

SPEAKER_10 8:11

Isn't that wild? Yeah. Is that growth?

SPEAKER_04 8:15

Is that maturity? My frontal lobe developed. Yeah, but back then that wasn't a thing. Um, and so I was like, should I confront these thoughts or should I? Have a drink and stare at the wall. Should I drink this whole bottle of Tito's and see what happens?

SPEAKER_10 8:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

Not good. Bad stuff. Sometimes good stuff. Sometimes, but mostly.

SPEAKER_10 8:37

Kind of a snowball effect.

SPEAKER_04 8:38

It is a snowball effect.

SPEAKER_10 8:39

None of those things ever go away.

SPEAKER_04 8:41

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_10 8:43

The bad things that you drink to forget about or not address in the moment. Because it's like connecting with people is really hard and it's making me anxious. And now you're like, well, I'm gonna drink to do this, but then I kind of get a little wily wily and it creates other problems too.

SPEAKER_04 8:57

No, I mean that's a really good point. I mean, like I said, maybe you can have a really good talk with someone for like 30 minutes. Yeah. But then, you know, when you're three sheets of the wind, it's like, are you really connecting with people?

SPEAKER_07 9:10

Nah, man.

SPEAKER_04 9:10

Nah man. You might think so.

SPEAKER_07 9:12

Yeah. That was the greatest conversation just screaming in their face.

SPEAKER_04 9:16

And I always wondered, I'm like, dude, what if I could just always be drunk? And I'm like, see, when I started having those thoughts, I'm like, what if I'm just always drunk?

SPEAKER_10 9:23

And that seemed like the good option.

SPEAKER_04 9:25

I was like, yeah. But then I always, this is gonna be like inception. Like, I was like, if I'm always drunk, wouldn't that just be sober? So would I still be drunk, or would I just get used to being drunk? So then I'd be fine.

SPEAKER_08 9:35

Yeah, you got OCD.

SPEAKER_04 9:39

And I was like, dude, I don't think that's gonna be good for my life.

SPEAKER_10 9:42

I don't think the math is mathing on that one. Yeah. Did you ever have that situation where the people around you were like, hey, I think you have a problem? What? Yeah. No. I didn't hear it.

SPEAKER_04 9:51

Okay, so I do want to talk about it just like real, I'll do it like 30 seconds. So, like I said, I think the this the US is very flawed, right? I'm not entirely sure about Europe, but like, okay, in high school, alcohol, bad. For most folk.

SPEAKER_10 10:03

Because sports will get you kicked, like you'll get kicked out of sports, your activities.

SPEAKER_04 10:07

And when you're 16 or 17, like obviously when people say don't do something, what are you gonna do? You're gonna be like, I'm gonna look into it. I'm gonna look into it. And then obviously in high school, people party and like I I dabbled, I tried. Then you go to college, and if you if you've been to college in the United States from day one, we're drinking. And it's not like your binge drinking.

SPEAKER_10 10:25

Yeah, it's rolling in the keg with your suitcase is when you get it.

SPEAKER_04 10:29

And I wasn't even in a fraternity. I played baseball, but like even we were a fraternity to where like if we were not practicing, we were drinking.

SPEAKER_10 10:36

I didn't even go to college, but I live here and Wisconsin's a huge drinking, like dude.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

I just saw on a map side note, I just saw like it was like you're not holding states, and it was like worst drinking state, and it was like Wisconsin was lit up yellow. Yeah. And I was like, dude, I'm going there next week. Like, is that a sign? Like, should I relapse? Like, no. No.

SPEAKER_07 10:53

No. Okay. Not you guys got we've got you. We've got you. We will not, we will send you home with cheese. You can't.

SPEAKER_04 11:01

Can I make those jokes or is that insensitive?

SPEAKER_07 11:03

I think that's fine.

SPEAKER_04 11:04

I just joke about sobriety because it makes me feel better.

SPEAKER_10 11:07

I mean, honestly, there's a lot of shit that we do where it's like you have to kind of laugh at it at this point when you're on the other side of it. And that's giving your old version like grace too.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

For sure.

SPEAKER_10 11:16

Which you gotta do, or else people with us crazy brains, we will loop on those thoughts of like what we like. I got anxiety. I would be like, oh my God, I can't believe I was that awful when I wasn't even that bad. I would just overthink everything.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

Yeah. So I don't uh I will go back to my point, but I I don't know your story. What just give me more mental health?

SPEAKER_10 11:34

So like I've always struggled with depression, anxiety, ADHD, OCD, undiagnosed basically my whole life. Um, and I dabbled with alcohol, like I just abused different things. Alcohol, drugs, people, shopping, just like whatever thing would get that dopamine hit to make me feel better in moments where I wasn't considering my mental health. Like for years, I'd go to the doctor and be like, I'm 115 pounds. I feel like I'm dying all the time. Why is my body like not able to freaking move? Why am I crying all the time? Like, can you guys look into this? And they'd be like, let's do some blood work. And then they'd be like, You're fine. I was like, okay, I don't feel fine. And for years and years, decades, it would be this like cycle of like, I'd notice, like, wow, every time, this time of year, I wind up almost in the hospital because my body's just breaking down. And it was because I wasn't addressing my mental health. I always thought it was physical, but it was the physical that was an effect of my mental health. And when I went to an alcohol class, is this I went to three during the pandemic, like put myself in there through like over the course of a decade. But every time it was the same thing, like, hey, for this, you got to stop drinking. I'm like, no problem. And they're like, that's not a problem for you. I'm like, no, it's not. But I'm my head is still like this. So like, what now? But it wasn't until maybe two years ago where I just stopped everything in my life, went to a therapist, and they're like, Oh, girl, your mental health is bad. Have you ever tried addressing that? I was like, no. So that was kind of the start of my like recovery is addressing my mental health. And then everything's great now. No, like things fall into place, and it's a lot easier to handle life when I'm addressing that. And when I'm aware of why my brain does the things that it does or takes it to dark places, it's not just one of those things where I sit in that dark place and I'm like, when people are like, tomorrow's another day, and you're like, that's a fucking problem. Like, I don't want to be here tomorrow. Right. So substances wasn't an issue in the sense that I couldn't stop. It was an issue as when I would use that when I was feeling bad or using it as like a crutch of something.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

Right.

SPEAKER_10 13:41

Um, so yeah, mine's mental health side of like zest.

SPEAKER_03 13:45

So you get it. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 13:48

I was just a lucky person who could stop when I needed to. But didn't prevent me from like getting into a lot of trouble. I wound up in jail, been arrested, all that fun stuff. There's still time.

unknown 14:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 14:01

Back to your mental health.

SPEAKER_04 14:03

So college. So I I honestly, my first couple years of college, I don't think it was a problem. And so I smoked weed every day. My mental health was honestly great. Like, and I was 19, right? And so, like, if you drink, you're still in that phase of life where it doesn't affect you. Like, you rarely wake up like with like physical.

SPEAKER_09 14:22

Maybe you.

SPEAKER_04 14:23

Dude, I could just I I was the opposite. I had a zest for life. Like, once I really found out about drinking, and like I was still playing baseball, so like I was this guy that was just like the dude. The dude. I was him. Yeah. Don't put that online. I would drink and drink, and I go next day. I'm like, all right, practice, bam. Uh, girls, and then where what are we doing tonight?

SPEAKER_10 14:44

Maybe the repercussions aren't as bad. Cause like I would roll up to my job at 20, hung over at a restaurant, take a paper towel roll, and lay in a booth because I partied too hard the night before. And no one yelled at me. They're like, look at the cute passed out girl in the booth. And it's just ha ha ha. I can't do that today.

SPEAKER_04 15:01

So you're starting to hit on a good point, is like these things are normal. And you're not a kid. You're 20. Like I'm I'm 19, I'm 20 years old, and I'm doing these things. And people are like, oh, he'll figure it out. Or he's got potential, but he's just a little. I'm like, someone help. So you're basically you're just like, you're you're uh you get a free pass.

SPEAKER_10 15:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

You can, oh, oh, I must be doing. And then you look around and everyone else is also getting drunk and doing the same thing, and you're like, okay, this is normal. And so where it took a turn for me was one day in 20, like 2018, I was sitting on my couch, but I drank a lot the night before. And this morning, I did what I always do wake up, smoke some weed, and then kind of go about my day. And I I smoked some weed and ultimately like had a terrible panic attack, which at the time you don't know what that is. That was my first panic attack. And I had had some when I was a kid, but I had like repressed that. Like I completely forgot. Like it wasn't even like a thing. But this feeling I'm lending, I'm sitting on the couch, I smoke weed, my heart starts pounding, classic, and then I'm like, oh, what the fuck? I'm having a heart attack. Yeah. And then you're high. And so that was horrible. So from that day, I get up and I like paced out and uh and eventually it went away, but I was crippled. Like the next day I tried to go to class, I I like I felt it again. I couldn't be in public. And so for like three or four days, I really didn't feel real. And then that weekend I kind of I drank and it and it and I felt good. And I felt normal. And so that was the turning point for me. I was like, oh, wait a second, if I drink in any situation, my anxiety or my panic is gonna subside.

SPEAKER_09 16:41

And I'm gonna feel better.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

And so you talk about crutch, right? Like for you, when you know, oh, I'm having this mental health episode, I'm gonna go shopping, or I'm gonna drink, or I'm gonna do whatever to make myself feel better in the moment, despite the repercussions. So alcohol became not only my so that's when it went from like, okay, a Friday, Saturday thing to like, hmm. Okay, I remember I had a I had a huge presentation and I was terrified for it. And I it was a Monday morning and I woke up and like I had no choice. I was like, I'm going to the liquor cabinet, and I took six or seven shots of T D Dose before my presentation. And I'll tell you what, I thought I crushed it, but I'm up there and everyone's like, there's looking back, like, there's no way they're like, wow, this dude fucking smells like vodka.

SPEAKER_10 17:26

It's one of those POV where you walk out, you're like, crushed it, but then it's like live.

SPEAKER_04 17:29

People are just like, is that real? Are you okay? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Is this satire?

SPEAKER_04 17:33

Yeah. My my life satire. It it became a crutch. And um when you go from Friday, Saturday to like by the time I was like 21, 22, it was like, okay, now it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

SPEAKER_09 17:45

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:46

Maybe a Tuesday, right? And the and the and when I'm sober, I'm like secluded. Like I'm not really socializing, I'm not I'm terrified of panic. So my and I didn't address my mental health, of course, right? I went to the doctor and he was like, here is some Zoloft, you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_10 18:04

And uh it's not that Zoloft doesn't work, it's just that when you're drinking and smoking with it all the time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:11

Anybody who's drinking three bottles of vodka and four bottles of wine a week, like you're just mentally just not gonna be functioning. And okay, so you asked me, were people concerned? By the time I was my junior or senior year, there were friends who were like, hey, you know, like we're all still partying, but like you're partying, right? And that's when I found cocaine. And I loved cocaine. You know why? Because when you were drunk, it would sober you up and you could keep drinking. Because I didn't want the party to ever be over. The party is never over when you party no the party's over now.

SPEAKER_10 18:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:46

It's a better party.

SPEAKER_07 18:47

I meant when you've got that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

No, the party's literally never over, but it is a horrible, horrible thing.

SPEAKER_07 18:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:54

Because now you're drinking, right? And you're not just going out partying and then having a classic, you know, chat with your friends about the shit in the living room and having a pizza. Like they're sleeping at 2 a.m. and you're in the kitchen railing gator tails and like going manic, and people are like Gator tails.

SPEAKER_10 19:12

I've never heard that one.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

You're railing Colombian Bam Bam, whatever I got, I mean, and you're just like, but when you're high on cocaine, like you're just you're having fun, right? And then you're still drinking, but then dude, you want to talk about anxiety. You want to talk about the ultimate lows.

SPEAKER_06 19:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:30

Anyone who's ever been on an alcohol-induced, cocaine-induced bender, coming down from that is literal hell. I wouldn't use cocaine every weekend, but it became a staple once or twice a month. And that's when my friends and were like, hey, like, you know, you're kind of still going up. And we're like, hey, we got a test tomorrow. We got like you should probably. And so there were some there were some voices that were concerned. My dad came down to school one time because my siblings, like, I would like sometimes party with my siblings or be doing cocaine in front of my siblings. And uh that's a scary thing because of the repercussions, like, you know, this is 10 years ago. I wouldn't even think about doing cocaine in today's day and age.

SPEAKER_10 20:14

I've had this conversation with my daughter. I'm like, I'm really open on the podcast about doing a lot of stupid stuff. You can't do that anymore. You can't even, you can't. Not that I want you to, but I get teens are teens, but like you literally can't. You could die that first time.

SPEAKER_04 20:27

It just wasn't that way. It's scary.

SPEAKER_10 20:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

And so back then, you know, 10 years ago, it was it was all right. But still, there was still a chance. Like it's still scary. And so, yeah, my family was concerned. My dad came down, he was like, Hey, you're gonna have to uh I'm gonna take you out of school. Like, but for me, it was defensiveness because I was like, no one also nobody knew the mental health journey that I was going through, right? When you're dealing with mental health on your own, you'll do whatever you can to cope.

SPEAKER_06 20:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:55

And when people attack what you use to cope, you're gonna get defensive. I'm like, I am drinking because I'm literally panicking every day, not realizing at 23 that maybe the cycle of alcohol and cocaine was also attributing to it a little bit.

SPEAKER_10 21:12

Yeah. You're right though. College, it I mean, it in a lot of ways with alcohol, it does set you up to fail. It's like, oh, I'm dabbling with the parties, I'm starting to drink. And then as the snowball starts to build, then all of a sudden you're like graduating. And now I have to go out into the real world where completely different is expected of me, but I'm so used to this certain lifestyle. So when you get out of college, like what starts happening?

SPEAKER_04 21:35

I mean, you hit the nail on the head. Like it's uh I'm trying to use corporate lingo here.

SPEAKER_10 21:39

That's okay. What's your SOP? SOPs for this.

SPEAKER_04 21:43

Yeah. So just to piggyback off what you were I'm gonna piggyback off of that. Piggyback off of what you were saying. Uh yeah, well, that's the that's the whole thing, right? So like in college, it's it's completely normal to drink Thursday, Friday, Saturday with your friends, get get drunk, drink binge. Drink, oh, but now that I'm 25, I can't do it just a week ago. Like literally, yeah, you've perpetuated this behavior the society has. Oh, he's just a kid. Oh, he's this. Now, when you're 25, nobody gives a fuck about you. No, get your shit together. And most of my friends were like, okay, you know, like maybe I should dial back. And for me, I'm like, what is going on here? I'm ready to go faster. And even if I was trying to reel it in, if it was like a Friday night and I was out, I so I had my first job. If I'm out with coworkers, like as soon as that liquor starts hitting, I'm back to my old ways, right? I'm like, we're we're going. And now it's new people. You have a little bit of money. Now I can show off. Yep. I can do this. And you're just, it's just us, it's just you're set up for failure. And I tip my cap to the people that are able to just turn that switch off.

SPEAKER_09 22:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:56

Like, wow, you really matured from 23 to 24.

SPEAKER_10 23:00

Like the brain fully formed.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 23:02

I'm still mine's still piecing itself together.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

So I do, I think the whole system, and I think the touch lightly, like I've heard that some of my European friends or Australian friends, like they're introduced to alcohol in a safe way when they're like 14 or 15. And it's very like, hey, like, this is alcohol, this is what it is. Not stay away. It's bad. Don't do it. It's like these are the repercussions. Like maybe they introduce it to you as a 14 or 15 year old and they let you have a little bit too much of drink, and you're like in the safety of your own home.

SPEAKER_10 23:36

Yeah. And you're like, I feel like crap, not gonna or it's also introduced, it's like your family's not taking you to a club or a kegger. They're introducing it at like dinner time. Right. Again, different country, different stuff, but like, yeah, at dinner time, and like this is the environment that you do it in, and this is how you do it, as opposed to Right.

unknown 23:56

Go.

SPEAKER_04 23:56

And that's just America, man. Why is it always go bigger go? Go baker go. We can't have nice things. And people ask me all the time, and like, what do you miss? I never miss going to the club. I never and I wasn't a big person like that, but like I don't miss the binge drinking. Um, I don't miss the partying. The only time I miss being able to have a drink is when it's with my family and we're having a game night, or you're around a campfire and people are having a glass of wine and nobody's getting hammered. I'm like, man, I I feel like, and that's the game I'm playing now, is like three years sober. Like, is there a point where I could, you know, work with my team of many employed therapists and be like, hey, like if I wanted to have a glass of wine, it's not something I'm considering heavily right at this very moment, but different conversation, obviously.

SPEAKER_10 24:51

So from when you graduated college to getting on F-Boy Island, how like what's the time frame there?

SPEAKER_04 24:58

Like a year.

SPEAKER_10 24:59

Oh, really? So that was not a long time at all. Okay, how did you get like how do you audition for stuff like that?

SPEAKER_04 25:04

Yeah. So, you know, I'm in the midst of my first job, and like I don't really give a shit about the job. I'm just partying. I have I have a little bit of money. Insight global, you need to pay your employees more. I was getting like 200 bucks a week. Tell them. Yeah. About a year after I graduated college, I was working and uh right after COVID, someone just messaged me on Instagram. I was like, hey, we got this new show. I'm like, I'll do anything. Let's go. Where am I going? Yeah. They're like HBO Max. I'm like, sure, cool. Let's go. A reason to quit my job, I was Jones and the group. Give me one. Give me one. Give me one. Call my boss. I'm like, hey, man, uh, not gonna make it in today. I'm headed to a show called F Boy Island. And he was like, ha ha, like, I'm like, no, I'm I'm serious. I'm out this beat. Oh wow, yeah. Yeah, I did say that.

SPEAKER_08 25:50

Good for you. You gotta get it in once. You gotta get it in once.

SPEAKER_04 25:54

But I'll tell you what, I was excited because, you know, for me, I always wanted to be different, right? So I was like, This is different. This is different. And when I say different, like I was for the wrong reasons, right? Like I wanted to be famous, I wanted attention. I'm 23. Everyone's like, oh, you should go on The Bachelor, you should do this. And so, like any chance I had to go on a show, I was I was going. I'm like social media clout, yes. And uh, but my first thought was excitement. And then my second thought was, how am I gonna get through this? I'm gonna panic, I'm gonna freak out, I gotta be on camera. Also, do I have my first thought was how much access do I have to alcohol? Yeah. Like, how much access do I have to alcohol? Because alcohol makes me the funny, charming, uh, likable guy. If I don't have that, I'm fucked. I'm gonna lose the show. I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose the show. And so my goal became to like I had like literally two weeks to prepare. And so I'm like, all right, like I'm looking, I'm like picking up L-theanine, like any anti-anxiety remedies that I Googled were like coming up to me because I'm like, if I don't have access to alcohol, like I'm so it's gonna be a struggle.

SPEAKER_06 26:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:59

And so that was my goal. Like I got there and immediately started, like, this is gonna sound crazy. So like we had a quarantine for a week in the Cayman Islands before the show started. And I just started like collecting alcohol. Like they wouldn't give it to us, but like the maid would come by and I'm like, hey, here's 20 bucks. Like, can you bring me like some liquor? Yeah. And she'd be like, uh, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so like I just started like hiding it and collecting it, and which was actually a good idea because once we got there, I used it as leverage for like, I'm like, all right, you want something? I got it.

SPEAKER_10 27:29

It's like cigarettes in jail, huh?

SPEAKER_04 27:31

Yeah, it's like cigarettes in jail. And uh yeah, I just was so scared. I was just I was excited, but I was scared because I just was like, am I gonna panic? Am I gonna freak out? Am I gonna be able to operate with alcohol?

SPEAKER_10 27:46

Did you think about is my like the whole body detox thing if you weren't able to have alcohol? Like, was that part of the worry too? Like, if I'm not allowed to drink, is my body gonna start feeling like shit?

SPEAKER_04 27:56

No, because at that point I wasn't it's not like I was drinking every day. It was still three days a week and it was just binge drinking. Like it was like three days a week, drink, and then one day feel horrible. Yeah. And then I would still go to the gym, right? Like the next day, like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, because that's how I justified it at the time.

SPEAKER_07 28:16

Yeah, I'm a healthy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:18

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_07 28:19

Trying to keep up with me at the gym, my dude. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:21

Well, I didn't say that. But I was thinking it for sure. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I'm in the gym, I'm working. Thursday, I'm doing the same thing. Thursday night, sometimes I'd have a drink, sometimes I wouldn't. I'd save until Friday, but like, you know, you you you justify it by being this certain way, and then you go from one extreme of health to the other extreme. And so, no, I wasn't worried about detoxing. I was worried about am I gonna be able to be Casey? To me, Casey was having a couple glasses of wine and some shots, and now he's loose and alcohol turned on the switch to the Casey that you preferred. That I that I thought I preferred. Yeah. Yeah, because I had I had buried all the confidence, all of the real person that I that I was without alcohol. And prior to the anxiety and panic, um, I was that person I was very I was you know, confident, likable, sober. Well but eventually I convinced myself that I needed this in order to not panic and in order to be likable. And so I was just gonna get really sad there.

SPEAKER_09 29:25

You can get sad if you want.

SPEAKER_10 29:26

That was kind of sad to hear because it's like at one point you were you were totally confident and just self-assured, and then when your brain's constantly going, it's like hard to describe it to people that it's not just like, oh, I'm thinking a lot. I have stuff in my head that shouldn't be there, and it's a mental load. And when you get that thing that turns it off for the first time and makes you feel okay, it's hard to not associate that with like how do I feel better? Like that's what I want. And you're always trying to reach for that like first time of it really helping out. And then it just kind of fucking snowballs.

SPEAKER_04 30:04

It does snowball, it never you're it's a slip, it's a slippery slope. It's slippery. It's a very slippery slope.

SPEAKER_10 30:11

Is there an instance with alcohol while filming F Boy Island that kind of jumps out to you where you felt maybe like out of control of your drinking besides hoarding booze from the hotel lady?

SPEAKER_04 30:23

Yeah, yes, yes. There were there were a couple times where so we start filming F Boy Island, I'm hoor I'm hoarding booze, and I'm not concerned because I don't have enough time to get hammered drunk, but like between scenes, yeah, I'm taking shots, or I'm just like constantly like maintaining a small buzz. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 30:42

And the baseline got yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:43

But there were times on the show where we were allowed to drink. We were allowed to go to the bar and get drinks, right? That was one of my questions.

SPEAKER_10 30:49

I was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:50

So you can have drink two drinks an hour, but I was friends like I had, you know, made friends with the producers. And so there was one night in particular where I'm not gonna say they no one can make you do anything, but I was stopping you. They they weren't stopping me because they wanted me to do a particular thing. They wanted me to confront one of the women. I said, no, I'm not gonna do it. Honestly, good on them. They're smart. They're like, well, what if we gave you some tequila?

SPEAKER_03 31:17

What do you want me to say? And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:20

And so, dude, if you get a chance, you can you can clip the scene from FY and I'll send it to you after. It is so embarrassing. I'm like sitting there and I'm talking, and like if you know me personally, you're like, wow, like you, I can tell you're very intoxicated. And so, like, I'm just uh I'm sitting there and I'm talking to one of the women and I'm and I say what I my piece, which at the time, like honestly, I felt it, but I shouldn't have said it. I felt it, but I shouldn't have said it. And uh, you know, ended up costing me, I don't think it ended up costing me. It ended up being a bad situation for me because of alcohol. And that was the first time during the show where I was like, fuck. Yeah. I'm like, it really hurt me being not being in control of my drinking. And um, but I'm glad it didn't work out, honestly.

SPEAKER_06 32:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:11

But yes, that was the first time where I was like, man, I wish I hadn't drank. I wish I was normal. And those thoughts always come up. Right. You're like, you look around and it's hard to not compare yourself to other people and be like, why can't I just have two drinks and be happy? Or why why don't I wake up in the morning and my my mind is not racing?

SPEAKER_06 32:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:34

And I'm worried the minute my head, the minute my head gets up from the pillow, racing thoughts, and you're like, but instead of confronting it, you still just keep on that path, right? And so I drank for the rest of the show. It went well, it was fun, and came back home. Um and that's when it I mean, that's when it even got worse.

SPEAKER_10 33:00

This podcast is brought to you by recovery.com. Recovery.com is a place where anyone can find mental health or addiction treatment options specific to them. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and so much more. Recovery.com is the best place to find mental health or addiction treatment for anyone, anywhere. You blew up on Insta, on all the socials. I mean, what was it? Overnight, I think I read 50k followers from that first season.

SPEAKER_04 33:34

Yeah. That's wild. Which at the time, like, you know, that's that's it's a new experience, right? And so one, I got paid like 25 grand, which I had I had never seen that type of money before. And so I went from a hundred air to a thousand air.

SPEAKER_10 33:48

We love that for you. Yeah. That's great. But then you've just got kind of more money to Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:54

And so I got back and now I'm I get back from season one and I have money, and I'm like, I'm not getting a job. I'm about to blow up on social media, I get all these followers. And so it just really moved quickly into like, oh, well, now I don't have to worry about going to a job Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I can really drink and do whatever I want whenever I want.

SPEAKER_10 34:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:19

And so how'd that work out? Not good.

SPEAKER_10 34:22

No.

SPEAKER_04 34:22

Bad? Bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 34:24

But you wound up back on season two.

SPEAKER_04 34:26

Yeah, I did wound up back on season two.

SPEAKER_10 34:28

In a redeeming season for you.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

So if you look at me in season one, right? When you're young, you you recover pretty quickly. I I looked, I looked good in season one, decent in season two. In season three, you can just see like my face is bloated, my body's bloated. I just don't look the same youthful. But yeah, I went on season one, came home, partied for like six months, really no recollection. Like I just partied.

SPEAKER_06 34:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 34:53

Oh, hanging out. This guy, like people recognized me. And I was I thought I was famous. And I was like, you know what? I was self-aware enough to know it wasn't gonna last. And I was like, I'm gonna enjoy this. Yeah, I'm gonna party with Demi Lovad. No, never mind. I'm not gonna drop, I'm not gonna name drugs. I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do drugs with cool people.

SPEAKER_10 35:14

Yeah. Because it sounds really cool at the time.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

Yeah, it sounds really cool. Season two, sure, I'll come back because it's gonna give me a whole nother year to get another 25 grand and then do the same thing. And that's what happened. Came back, did season two, got more money, partied. That was for three years. Came back, partied again. I would have odd jobs in between, but really I was running up my credit card and I was living off of my F Boy Island money, which was like 30 grand every year. Went back for F Girl Island, which was like the the mountaintop, right? Like I'm one of the guys, there's three girls, just for those who are super, super interested in in watching this electric television series.

SPEAKER_08 35:57

It's riveting.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

It's riveting it's riveting. My fiance would uh would argue it's not riveting. She watched it all. No, no. I tried to show her like a clip and she was like, turn this off.

SPEAKER_10 36:06

That's enough. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:07

I'm like, babe, this was like a long time ago. She was like, that was literally last year.

SPEAKER_07 36:12

It was four years ago, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:15

So yeah, uh three years of show, drink, show, party, go on the show. Like, also, like, super kind of them to bring me back. But I will say, by the time season three came around, I go to film. This is in August of 2023. At this time, I'm 26, 26. And so I go to film F Girl Island, and I had no job or nothing. And like the like people were kind of over it. They were like, all right, like you've done two seasons, like, do you really have to go back? The only reason I was going back is because I was going to basically have a chance to win the money. 50, 50 grand. I'm like, 50 grand.

SPEAKER_09 36:56

Yeah, we do win it.

SPEAKER_04 36:57

I'm gonna be able to drink for the now, I'm gonna be able to party for a long time. That's a lot of money.

SPEAKER_09 37:01

Yeah, that's two years of partying.

SPEAKER_04 37:02

Yeah. That's two years. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 37:04

Which like I could skip a season. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:07

Nowadays, 50 grand.

SPEAKER_10 37:08

I was like, bless. We were shutting it all down for 25k. All right.

SPEAKER_04 37:12

That might last, yeah. Yeah. And uh so I go to film, and because I'm the main character or the lead character, I felt very entitled. And I I looking back, like the producers were fed up with me by the time I I had really even started the show. I got there and we're all staying in this hotel, and the girls are staying in the hotel right across the street, and we're literally about to start filming tomorrow. And when it comes to prize money in a in a show, they're super strict because there's no there can't be any advantages.

SPEAKER_08 37:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 37:45

Because it's like legally like if I were to conspire with one of the girls and say, hey, no matter what happens, I'm gonna pick you so we can split the money. Like, that's you can't do that.

SPEAKER_10 37:53

I was gonna wonder why people on shows like that don't just do that. Like, make good eyes at somebody and just go like that and be like, you're the one.

SPEAKER_04 38:02

They're super strict about that. So the like the night before filming, I get hammered drunk. Left my hotel room, not allowed to do that, snuck out, bought myself some vodka, came back, drank it. I don't know why I thought that was a good reason. And at like 12 a.m., I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna sneak over to the girls and see what's up. Trouble. And like, you're not allowed to do that. And so, not only because of it ruins the show, but like you aren't allowed to have advantages. So I sneak over and I see like two of the girls, I get caught, and I was so drunk. Like I was I was very drunk. And so the producers are just like, dude, like we're gonna have to send you home. Um, and they were gonna send me home. And I was like, but luckily there was only three of us, and there was one alternate guy who was to take our place. He fucking came with me. What a what a dumbass.

SPEAKER_10 38:51

Hey, that's actually a great way to make sure you don't get kicked out. Bring the alternate with you.

SPEAKER_04 38:55

So he came with me, and they were like, if he didn't have to also go home, we'd have to send you home. And I'm like, now I'm like, dude, I almost just cost myself 50 grand.

SPEAKER_10 39:04

It's like a big repercussion coming in your face.

SPEAKER_04 39:06

That's a big, like, I don't care about these women. I hope they're doing well. And I don't mean that in like wish you the best. Wish you the best. But like I uh almost lost 50k. But then I'm like, all right, well, we gotta go film the show. And like the show was a disaster. Like I was the lead, so I was constantly asking for alcohol. On my off days, like I would get blackout drunk, and I was a big crier.

SPEAKER_06 39:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:31

Like, dude, I just there's nothing I love more than just a good cry. Just cry, man. Yeah, the show was a disaster. We filmed it, we got it done, and I won my money. Could great, but like, was it really at what cost?

SPEAKER_09 39:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:45

By the time it was over, people were really fed up. Like, I had gotten drunk and like escaped and crashed a wedding. Um, they took us out to dinner and I like blacked out and was like crying in the restaurant. Like, just like those are the moments where I start to like so I'm sorry, I feel like I'm talking a lot. No, talking too much.

SPEAKER_10 40:04

An interview about you. That's perfect.

SPEAKER_04 40:07

I've actually just never really told anybody this. I'm like, No, that's why I like nobody really asked me, you know?

SPEAKER_09 40:11

I'm asking you.

SPEAKER_04 40:12

So the way I describe alcohol is at first alcohol is fun, then it's fun with problems, and then it's just problems. And this was the point in my life where it really wasn't fun anymore because I had become a veteran drinker to the point where like if I woke up hungover, I wasn't getting through the day and then going back to like working out. I was like, all right, if I wake up hung over, I'm drinking to make myself feel better. Yeah. And so anyone who knows, when you wake up hung over, and the first thing you do is drink some liquor, you're not really drunk, you're delusional. Yeah. Like you're just delusional. Yeah. Which is like a scary, fun place to be. More so scary. More scary, but yeah. Filmed it, got it done. And uh I will say, just to add in there, over the course of these three years, from graduating college until the end of my reality TV in 20. So from 2021 until 2024, I had tried to get sober three times.

SPEAKER_09 41:14

Really?

SPEAKER_04 41:15

On my own.

SPEAKER_09 41:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:16

I was like, maybe I should just try it. And I think one time I lasted 30 days, and the other time I lasted about 30 days. And then I just would go back to whatever I was doing. So I had tried it before, uh, but my mindset going into it was was all wrong. I was recognizing that it was bad for my life. It was negatively impacting my relationships, my work, my self-worth, all of it. And so there were some times where I'm like, hey, like, let's see what happens if you get sober.

SPEAKER_09 41:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:46

But you know, you go sober for 20 days, and uh it's not long enough to see any positive effects. And so you're like, well, this isn't really doing anything.

SPEAKER_10 41:55

When you were uh sober for those 30 days, were you seeing a therapist or anyone, or was it kind of just like a all on your own shoulders thing?

SPEAKER_04 42:03

I did see a therapist the second time I tried to get sober. And I walked into his office and he was like, dude, how many DUIs do you have? And I was like, none. Lucky. And he was like, Oh, dude, how many times have you been to jail? I'm like, none. He's like, Oh, you're fine. Like he was like, dude. He's like, You're on a reality show? I'm like, yeah. He's like, he will this and he was like 70, dude. He basically told me I was he was like, ah, yeah. I mean, like, you don't have any real problems. Like, you're thriving. You're actually doing really well. Like, I th he's like, I just watched your show. I think you would like would be good in Congress. Like, you should run for Senate. I'm like, I fucking love this guy. Oh my god. I'm like, this guy is just gassing me up. And so I kind of was like, that was my first time ever going to therapy. And I was like, maybe I don't have a problem. And so looking back, yeah, don't know.

SPEAKER_10 42:52

Wow. Okay. I was like, I'm usually everyone's like first therapist thing is like, wow, they really just didn't get me and we didn't bond at all. This guy's like gassing you up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:02

He's like, loved your show. Yeah. Uh no jail, no DUIs. Yeah, dude, you're good.

SPEAKER_10 43:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:07

Like, keep drinking.

SPEAKER_10 43:08

Yeah, I don't see a rock bottom here.

SPEAKER_04 43:09

And so I was like 30 days sober, and then I was just like, He says I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 43:12

I'm like, all right, I mean, I guess I'm huge. Wow. So yeah. Do you have a different therapist now?

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Yeah, I sure do. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 43:20

Sure enough, do. Yeah. Um, so F Boy Island eventually ends. What's happening next? And when do you decide, like, I'm done with this?

SPEAKER_04 43:30

You know, F Boy Island, the it like I said, and it was the same type of thing. Like it was fun at first, right? People were like, this is fun. Then it was fun with problems.

SPEAKER_10 43:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:40

And then at the end, it was just problems. Like, yes, I have season one, two, and three, right. Season one, two, and three, right there, right? Like you could see a visible difference. The hangovers were getting worse. I'm not 23 anymore. No, I'm 27. And you start to see the writing on the wall where I've already tried to get sober twice. My family is really kind of isolated themselves from me. I've isolated myself. I have no real friendships, no real relationships. And I think I kind of hit a point where it was my birthday of in 2023. It's like a month before I ended up getting sober for good. And it was my birthday. It was my birthday. And I spent it with my drug dealer. He like came over, like great guy. He rapped for me. Um not presents, words. Dude, that was a bar.

SPEAKER_10 44:32

Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 44:38

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 44:39

Yeah. Did you that was that was good. You got a real future.

SPEAKER_08 44:41

I got it in something. I don't know what, but I've got a future. So you just tell people I've got future. I wonder what he's doing.

SPEAKER_04 44:51

Dude, so I'm so and he wasn't even my friend. He was my drug dealer. He brought me cocaine.

SPEAKER_08 44:56

And so that would break his heart to hear that. No, yeah. I'm sorry, man.

SPEAKER_03 45:01

No, I get the relationship though, because you're like, you're done here.

SPEAKER_04 45:04

Like he's looking for connection. I'm looking for a connection. Like I was the only person where I would like, I'm like, hey man, how are your kids doing?

SPEAKER_06 45:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:11

Like I cared about my boy. So maybe we were friends. Anyways, it's my birthday. I just turned 27. And I had always told people, I'm like, man, I feel like I'm gonna die when I'm 28. And so, like, first, and eventually it became a joke, but like it was in the back of my head. And so I was 27. My birthday, Saturday, and I'm sitting there, I'm not with my family. I'm not even getting calls from my family. I have no real friendships. My drug dealer's over, he's rapping for me, and I'm like, I'm doing blow, I'm doing cocaine, I'm drinking, and I'm like, I just remember sitting there and and I and I almost had like this bittersweet moment of like, I think this is the end of the line. Of like, I'm either gonna have to like, I don't know if I want to be here anymore, or I'm gonna have to turn this around. And I honestly, that was the first time that I actually wasn't mad about it.

SPEAKER_06 46:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:07

The previous times I tried to get sober, I was angry that I couldn't drink. This time was more like, you know, you've had a good run. You've had a good run. It's your birthday, you have no relationships, you have no job. F-Boy Island is over. You're not famous, no one cares about you. And no, don't feel bad for me. No, I was I was I it was humbling. It was humbling. And so I remember just I did enjoy the day. I actually like it's a great day.

SPEAKER_09 46:33

Spit some sick bars.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

Like we rap-battled, yeah, talked about his kids, and um you were connecting with someone. Yeah, I was connecting with someone, even if it was my drug dealer. And like, God bless his heart. I hope he is doing well. I hope he's providing. He had a lot of children that he was playing he was preparing for. So side jobs. Yeah, side jobs. And uh yeah, man, it was it was it was bittersweet, but it was ultimately pathetic. It was sad, right?

SPEAKER_10 46:58

Like, no one like looking at yourself in this room, and you're like, this is where I'm at. This is where I'm at right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:03

And so at this point, you know, and after all these years of like, oh, you've got potential, right? Like you've got, there's nothing worse than hearing you've got potential. Like, so you're saying I could possibly in the future be this better version of the.

SPEAKER_10 47:16

Someone give me the key so I can unlock that potential. Because like, I don't have it yet.

SPEAKER_04 47:19

Where is it at?

SPEAKER_10 47:20

Well, it looks like we've we've unlocked it. I think we found our potential.

SPEAKER_04 47:23

I think we got yeah. So, anyways. Potential. Now I'm sober. So yeah, my 27th birthday, I spent it doing lines with my drug dealer. And then a month later, I ended up getting sober. But I that that moment was when I I kind of knew. I was like, hey, like it's coming soon. And I tried to pretend it wasn't for another month, and then I went on another serious bender where I was like three or four days of just heavy drinking and drug abuse, and then I woke up, and that day was more physically, I was like, dude, I'm ill.

SPEAKER_06 47:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:57

And like, I'm like, I was like on my floor crying in pain. And I'm like, this, like, this is a miserable existence. And I was like, at this point, like, what should I do? Like, what should I do? And honestly, God bless F- Boy Island. I reached out to Nikki Glazer because she's sober.

SPEAKER_09 48:18

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:19

And she we had talked on the show, and she said she was like, hey, if you ever want to get sober, like reach out to me. I thought she was bullshitting, right?

SPEAKER_10 48:26

No, she's definitely not.

SPEAKER_04 48:27

And so I pick up my phone and I texted Nikki and I was like, Hey, like, I want to get sober. What should I do? And she she responded, like text back, and she was like, and this is after she'd like blown up, like she's still like famous. So Nikki, I appreciate you. That was uh something you didn't have to do, but you did. She sent me this book, sent me some information. She was like, Hey, I want you to read this book. Um, I want you to just take like the today, be sober, this week, just be sober, and like just read this and just like let's just keep chatting. And so that week I I was like, I'm not doing anything but reading this book, and I'm gonna stay in my house and I'm just gonna be sober and I'm gonna read this book. And yeah, that's what I did. I stayed in my house, I read that book, and then I never never drank again. Never drank again, never did any drugs again. And uh That's incredible.

SPEAKER_10 49:16

Yeah. What book was it?

SPEAKER_04 49:17

I'm gonna preface this. This is not an ad. This is not like this book We don't know the guy. I don't know the guy. This book literally changed my life, and it's called uh Quit Drinking Without Willpower.

SPEAKER_08 49:29

It might be. Is it Quit Drinking Without Willpower?

SPEAKER_04 49:31

Quit drinking without willpower. That's so crazy that you have that right in your lap right now. It's like you it's like I read it. Shout out to Alan Carr. Shout out to Nikki Glazer. This is not an ad. I'm not getting paid to say this. This is just Me neither. This is just uh I always have to preface now because people are like, are you plugging this? I'm like, no, I'm being serious. Like people message me now on social media to say, hey, like, how can I get sober? And I'm like, I I gratefully say the same thing that Nikki said. I said, Hey, all I want you to do is read this book and then get back to me. The first time I tried to get sober, I was angry. So anger has been a huge part of my sobriety. I was angry, I was like, I felt like I was depriving myself of some type of joy. I want to say the word depriving again because for people who like alcohol, when you're not drinking it, you feel like you're depriving yourself of this amazing thing. You're so angry that you can't have it and eventually you break. Second time I got sober, same thing. It was a perception, it was my mindset of what alcohol really was. Yeah. I perceived alcohol as this amazing thing, that it was great for me, that it was beautiful for me, that it was making my life better when all signs, all signs pointed to chaos, yeah, pointed to destruction. Hey, man, your relationships are terrible. You have no career. You live off of nothing. You have no money. You're you're entitled. You're lucky that your parents can send you $500 because you can't make rent. You need to be humbled. And so all signs were pointing to destruction and chaos. And so this third time that I tried to get sober, I read this book, Quit Drinking Without Willpower by Alan Carr. And it changed my life because it changed my perception of alcohol. I started to see alcohol for what it really was a bad thing. Yeah. And by not drinking, I wasn't depriving myself of some beautiful thing. When I really thought about it and got honest, what is alcohol? Okay. It makes your relationships worse, makes you feel physically ill, it makes your career, you're unable to work towards a career meaningfully. You can't help other people. So that's what alcohol is. So by choosing to drink, you are actually not joyful. You are not rewarding yourself. You are actually making your life worse. Yeah. And so when I really thought about it, and that's what this book is, it's reframing your perspective and saying, listen, when you choose not to drink, you are not depriving yourself. You are actually rewarding yourself. By getting a good night's sleep, that's a reward to yourself. By going for a walk, by having a meaningful conversation, by taking a step in your career, that's a reward.

SPEAKER_10 52:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:16

Picking up the bottle and drinking a whole thing of liquor, that's not a reward.

SPEAKER_10 52:20

Doing hood rat shit with our friends for years on end is exhausting. It's exhausting.

SPEAKER_04 52:24

It's not your reward. It's fun in the beginning, then it's fun with problems, then it's just problems. Then it's just problems. And so that book is amazing. It it reframes your perspective on alcohol.

SPEAKER_10 52:35

What were some small wins for you in like the first 90 days?

SPEAKER_04 52:40

Some of the small wins. And so some of the small wins. One, you when you drink that much, you are physically uh going to feel so much better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:50

Right?

SPEAKER_04 52:50

Like when you don't drink that much. When I woke up on Saturday morning and I'm like, what the hell? Like, I don't feel like I'm literally going to die. Amazing. Yeah. So you sleep better. And I'm going to say the biggest win within the first 90 days, if I can give you any reason to stop drinking, you will lose weight so fast. Like that weight flies off. Your face, your skin clears up. Your skin clears up. You look better. You want to look, Max? Stop drinking. You want to, you want to look max, dude? I'm so for real.

SPEAKER_10 53:22

Like, what did you use then to like you have thoughts about it, right? Like what tools do you use in those moments where like the thought pops back up?

SPEAKER_04 53:32

Yeah. So within the first couple of months, even the first three months, obviously, my biggest recommendation. Um, also don't forget, you really are who you surround yourself with. Luckily for me, I had no friends.

SPEAKER_10 53:45

I surrounded myself with no one.

SPEAKER_04 53:46

So I surrounded myself with no one except other drinkers that I would make friends with at the bar when I was also drunk. So I didn't have friends calling me saying, hey, where you at? Yeah. Let's go drink. You have to, because Friday will come around and somebody, if you if you live in a city with friends, which most people do, hey, you coming out? No, you can't. You got to stay out of those places that you're used to being in on the weekends. Because if you were a heavy drinker on the weekends like me, uh, you know, you can't go to the bar because you're just gonna crawl out of your skin with like it's like someone who is doesn't smoke cigarettes anymore, and you put a cigarette in their lips and you're like, Don't inhale. Don't inhale. Yeah, like you know, honestly, the hardest part for me. So let's go back to the point of what alcohol was uh was doing, right? It's it's uh quieting your mind. It's confronting the hard thoughts. It's confronting the anxiety and the panic and the uncomfortable things that you don't want to deal with.

SPEAKER_07 54:50

Scott Shivers sitting in this chair, think about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:52

And those tough questions, right? Like, oh, what is the purpose of my life? Is there a purpose of my life? And I want to tell you that you create that meaning in your life. You create that meaning in your life. I didn't have any meaning because I didn't create it. I didn't have my my relationships, alcohol had destroyed everything. And so when I was sober, I had no meaning, which is very sad. And I didn't have meaning for three, four months after I got sober, but I knew that it was coming. And so recalibrating to society was tough because I had to deal with it in that panic of like, all right, I I'm sober, I'm in, I'm in, I'm sober, I'm in public, and I feel like I want to sprint away. Yeah, I'm just gonna go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get through it. And eventually when you get reps in doing anything, you get more confident. Also, therapy, meet with a psychiatrist. If you, if you I I'm not all on that woo-woo shit of like these SSRIs are bad for you. Everyone's different, but you should go to a professional and you should see a therapist and you should figure out what is best for you.

SPEAKER_10 56:03

Relationships while you're drinking, doing drugs, kind of not at your best, are obviously very different in sobriety. So, how have your relationships, family, romantic, evolved since you've become sober?

SPEAKER_04 56:20

Yeah. I mean, when you're when you're drinking, you'd like to believe the connection is real, but it's it's a lazy connection, right? Like you're not really getting to know someone. You might remember it, it might feel and I'm not, and there's listen, I'm not demonizing alcohol. Alcohol can be fun. Like I said, it doesn't happen quickly, but within six months, you go from looking better and feeling better and losing weight to now I have the energy to call my mom. I have the energy to go to the farmer's market and I bumped into someone and I said, Hey, how how are you? Are you what do you you know? You're also here. Oh, you don't drink either?

SPEAKER_06 57:00

Yay!

SPEAKER_04 57:00

You start to find these little relationships and is it hard? At first, yes. Is it uncomfortable? Yes. But eventually it just becomes who you are.

SPEAKER_09 57:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:14

Now you're the person who has more energy. Now you're the person who who says hi to, now you're the person who doesn't Uber eats on a Sunday because you're hung over.

SPEAKER_08 57:22

Even though the place is across the street. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:24

You go to the cafe, you meet someone, and so it it's a beautiful thing. And your relationships, they they mean something. You create meaning. Well, now I do care about how you're doing because I don't I'm I'm not lost in alcohol. How is your job? Are you actually happy? What do you want to do tomorrow?

SPEAKER_10 57:48

So, Casey, you're someone who's had tremendous success on reality television. You're a dating coach now, you're getting married, you're fianced. Uh you have an incredible online presence, and I love the perspective that you share with other people, especially men too. Um, if you could speak to the version of yourself who needed help, what is advice that you would give? If not even advice, what is something that you would say to them?

SPEAKER_02 58:14

Are you trying to make me cry? Maybe what would I say to the version of myself? Yeah, that was still struggling. I would say it's okay. It's okay. It's okay to hate yourself. It's okay that you are where you are. It's okay. You don't have to beat yourself up. What can you do tomorrow?

SPEAKER_04 58:55

And to the to the guys specifically. Um and and the women, to everyone. If you are in a place where you feel alone or you feel as if alcohol is complete or if you feel like any substance has control over you, you're not alone, um, and you are gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_10 59:14

I would love to hear what are your hopes, your dreams, what what do you want for your future?

SPEAKER_04 59:20

Well, I think the the beautiful thing about being sober is it allows you to be present. You could literally do nothing, but if you're sober, you will your life will get better. Success. You like you like it's impossible to not succeed when you are sober and you have the correct help and you have the corinia and you're in a good mental state. Yeah. And so whenever I find, so now I've had some success. I'm getting married next month.

SPEAKER_10 59:49

Next month?

SPEAKER_04 59:50

Next month.

SPEAKER_10 59:50

Holy cow, congratulations. That's so cool.

SPEAKER_04 59:53

To uh to someone, if you were to be like, hey, this is who you're getting married to four five years ago, I'd be like, yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, right. Not even because she's beautiful, but because of just like she's, you know, she's got a beautiful son. I'm a stepdad, or I'm gonna be a stepdad, and she has her life together, and she's just such a a kind, like good person. Yeah. And like, if I would have thought that I deserve that, no. But now I fully believe that I deserve that.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:20

And so that says a lot about where you are at now, too. She found someone that was evenly yoked and you put in the work to get there.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:27

Give yourself grace too. If you are struggling, give yourself grace. And um what what do I want? Well, nowadays, if I ever find myself becoming anxious or uh angry, it's because I'm I'm thinking about myself too much. And so whenever I get into those states of anxiousness or anger, it's because I'm like, oh, I don't have this. And I try to get out of that and get into okay, well, what can you do for other people?

SPEAKER_09 1:00:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:55

And so now that I have a platform that really is built on my relationship and there's a lot of cringe stuff, and there's but that's okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:03

It's built on positivity.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:04

But it gives me an opportunity to talk about what I really want to talk about, which is this sobriety, mental health, and and how the fact that uh, you know, you're not alone and you are going to be okay. If you look at me and you looked at me five years ago, you'd be like, this guy, he might not be okay. You are, I promise. You are going to be okay. And so what do I want? What what does the future look like? I don't want to say something corny like spreading this message of positivity, but it's really just getting out of me and seeing what I can do for other people.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:42

Also, when it comes to relationships as a whole, like obviously I'm a dating coach as well, and that's more important to me. I think relationships, if someone said, I'm gonna take all your followers away, but there's gonna be a ton of people who have better relationships and they get sober, I'll be like, sure.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:55

I don't care about the attention. Is it nice to make money? Sure. But yeah, I think the future for me is how can I help other people become the best version of themselves? If you're watching it, take a take an honest evaluation of your life and say, is there something that is holding me back from being this better version of myself? It could be anything. Oh well, I drink too much or I smoke too much, or I I'm not physically active and whatever it is. And if you're perfect, then that's dope. Good for you.

unknown 1:02:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:35

Oh, thank you so much for coming here, Casey. This has been an awesome conversation. I could chat with you for hours more about this. Um, Casey, where can everyone follow you? What are your handles, instas, all that good stuff?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:46

You don't want to.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:46

Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:47

You don't want to follow me.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:48

Yeah, they do, especially for relationship stuff, too.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:51

Yeah, for sobriety is I do talk about a lot about my sobriety and uh my relationships. Uh, it's just Casey Johnson, Casey is uh Casey is underscore, underscore, underscore. You'd fill in the blank. Casey is what? Hopefully something good to you.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:04

Awesome. Again, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you all for joining us. Uh, we will catch you next time on Recovery Castle.