Jess Gustin | The Tired Mom on White-Knuckling Postpartum Depression & Spousal Sobriety

What happens when you're battling severe postpartum depression while your partner is secretly struggling with alcohol and pills? In this moving episode of Recovery Cast, hosts Brittany Baynard and Sam Roberts sit down with Jess Gustin, widely known on social media as "The Tired Mom." Jess opens up about the invisible challenges of loving someone through substance use and navigating her own severe mental health battles. She shares her raw experience with postpartum depression, the isolation of early parenthood, and what it truly looks like to rebuild trust in a marriage after a partner chooses sobriety.

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Throughout their conversation, Jess delivers a powerful perspective on how a couple can navigate recovery together. She details how her husband John's secret alcohol use—including hiding drinks and pills—initially went unnoticed, and how they ultimately shifted from a cycle of exhaustion and competition to true emotional maturity and alignment. Jess also reflects on her lifelong journey with depression, breaking down the stigma around mental health medication, and how she white-knuckled through her darkest moments. Today, they are breaking generational cycles, parenting their two children brick by brick, and proving that recovery is a team sport. If you are a parent feeling depleted, isolated, or supporting a loved one through substance use recovery, this episode offers a profound message of hope, vulnerability, and resilience. Subscribe, comment, and share this episode to help spread hope to another family.

⏱️ Chapters:

00:00 – Intro

03:24 – Welcome Jess Gustin

04:47 – Early Exposure to Alcohol Culture

07:12 – Meeting John & An Instant Connection

14:47 – Battling Severe Postpartum Depression

24:38 – Uncovering Hiding and Secret Substance Use

29:41 – A Personal Journey with Mental Health & Depression

45:14 – Rebuilding Trust and Marriage in Sobriety

48:43 – Gentle Parenting and Navigating Hard Conversations

59:13 – Outro

❓ Questions the Video Answers:

1. What is it like to love and support a partner through substance use recovery?
2. How can couples stop competing and start working as a team during tough times?
3. What are the early signs of postpartum depression that new mothers face?
4. How does secret alcohol use affect communication and trust in a marriage?
5. Why is sleep deprivation so detrimental to postpartum mental health?
6. How do you rebuild an emotional connection after a partner gets sober?
7. What does intentional parenting look like when dealing with childhood patterns?
8. How can parents talk to their children about drugs and alcohol?
9. Is it normal to experience intrusive or scary thoughts during postpartum depression?
10. How do you navigate the loneliness and isolation of early parenthood?
11. What is the impact of normalizing alcohol in modern parenting culture?
12. How can couples maintain a strong relationship after experiencing a breakdown?

#PostpartumDepression #SobrietyStories #MarriageHealing

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

I did go really deep into a a depression. It was very scary. That was a hard time though. There's no. It was really hard. It was really hard. Yeah. But I mean I'm currently on the lock. So I just have very low dose, but I I need something.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

So I got a switcher that says hot girls take lexapro.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Hi everyone and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. I'm Britney Baeinard.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

And I'm Sam Roberts, and we are so excited for you to hear today from the tired mom.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Jess.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Jess Gustin was amazing.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

For reference, uh we previously episode came out. Jess's husband, John Gustin, he's the tired dad. She is the tired mom on all the socials. So John talked about his recovery story, and we get to talk to Jess about what it's like loving somebody through addiction and in their recovery. Right. Which is a really, really important side to tell.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

And as you know, life doesn't stop. So she's also a mom at that time, a new mom. And so anyway, Jess, thank you again so much for coming on the podcast. It was so awesome. Yeah. Getting to have you both have your own individual episode. Really quick, before we get into it, can I read you a really thoughtful comment that we got recently?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Yes, I would love a thoughtful comment.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

All right, this comment comes from uh Laura. Laura writes, so relatable. I remember walking into an AA meeting at 20 years old. Ironically, I'd been there before, 15 years earlier, running around in the back of meetings with my alcoholic father. When I started struggling with alcohol myself, I knew exactly where to go. At one meeting, an old timer told me, You're too young and pretty to be an alcoholic. That comment stuck with me more than I realized. For years, I pictured alcoholics as older men who just couldn't handle their drinking. How could a 20-year-old pretty girl be an alcoholic? That mindset kept me on the revolving door for nearly a decade. Turns out alcoholism doesn't care about age, gender, or appearance. Hot dang was I wrong. Thankfully, I finally figured it out, and now I'm celebrating over a decade of continuous sobriety.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Girl, over a decade. That's incredible. And shout out, Laura. Yeah, Laura, that that is something I feel like that.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Oh, I feel like it comes up like almost every week, I feel like.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Honestly, it's like the thought or expectation people have in their heads of what alcoholism, drug addiction, uh, mental health struggles look like on a person. Yeah. Um, this idea that we have, and it's it doesn't have a face to it.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Yeah. So I'm I'm happy for you that like you learned that yourself, as a lot of us have at some point of like, this does not discriminate. And I'm just so thankful for you for writing that and and like helping other people to know that. Both years, like 10 years. This is so amazing. Yeah. And it's so important to humanize the people that are like on the margins, you know, and like struggling, you know what I mean? Because it's really easy to other people, right? And be like, well, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

This doesn't look like me.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Yeah, that doesn't look like me, and there's something wrong with them or whatever. No, those are like people and humans that like need love and compassion. And also, I am the same as that person. Like, I am not better than them, and like I could very well be struggling with the exact same thing. And so that part.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

And with that, here's Jess's episode. Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. I'm Brittany Baynard, and today we are joined by Jess Gustin, the one and only tired mom. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you? So good. Um, you look anything but tired. You are glowing. I don't think so. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

But thank you. No, I'm so excited that you've come here. Uh, so we had previously interviewed your husband, John. If you did not catch that episode, go take a look back. Amazing episode. And this is definitely gonna build off that. I love this because we got to listen to his story and how he has been able to get through his recovery journey. And now we get to speak to you and kind of hear your side also going through his journey, but also your own journey with mental health and postpartum depression while he's going through that. So let's get into it. I'm curious about your, I guess, exposure to drugs and alcohol like prior to meeting your husband. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:24

I grew up in a home where there really wasn't there wasn't much. We didn't, like my parents did, they weren't drinkers. Um I saw it kind of on the peripheral with my family. I had family members that had definitely struggled with addiction, usually with um alcohol. But what that looked like to me was like so different than my husband's journey that I really like they were you know, it was the type where you're like getting DUIs and they were having really big things happen. Yeah, like the consequences were very out there. Yeah. Yes. So I saw that and thought like that was that was what an alcoholic was or you know, an addict. Um, but my family was not it wasn't big or anything. Um, I was kind of like typical, started dabbling in with drinking, and but just drinking when I was younger. I I I never wanted to go overboard. Like I don't have the addict personality. I don't have that in me. I'm not an addict for anything. I would John's always like, you are the worst addict I've ever seen. Like you can't even- Even if you try. No, he's like literally like you can't even go overboard with coffee. Like I'm very uh just not wired that way. So I just kind of was a I would say normal normy. Yeah, nor me in this in society where it was kind of like, you know, teen years. I did a a little bit of that. And then after high school, that normal I didn't go away to college, but I was in hair school and had a lot of friends. Girl, same. I didn't go to college, but I lived here and we are a big drinking town. So it's like I experienced that. It was a huge drinking town in northern Ohio, too. Like that's you know, all winter, that's what you do. Yeah. You go out, it's like where what bar are we going to? Every place, everything is surrounded by drinking. Every activity, everything we think.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Figure a way to put a beer in there. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 6:17

And thank God I didn't have like that addiction thing because I never ended up going like overboard with it. And I always was like, I actually don't really like this that much. Like I would do it and it would be fun, but I always was like, I need to like pump the brakes a little, you know? Yeah, you were able to like regulate yourself. Yeah, I was really able to regulate. So yeah, my experience was just kind of like that normal, no one was an addict thing thingful. I didn't have any of that trauma in my life. Well, okay, so I'm curious, how did you and John meet? Okay, so we met. I had moved to Nashville um in 2012 and came to Nashville when I was kind of like this at this low point. I had moved from Ohio to Florida. I was in a relationship in Florida, didn't work out. And then I just lived there. It was just me and my cat. And I was doing hair. I've been doing hair for like 20 years at this point now. But I had um, I was working at a salon. It was beautiful there. I loved Florida, but I was so incredibly lonely. Yeah. And I had a really good friend who lived in Nashville. She was like, hey, why don't you just move here? And then you can always drive home if you want to go home and see your family. I was kind of homesick. I was only 23. That's a huge move. Yeah. It was a big, huge move. And then, yeah. And so then I just all of a sudden went, okay, now I'm gonna move to Tennessee. So I went there. I just had my friend. And six months later, I was waking in my salon and a guy came in who was a little bit older, and he was talking about how he had just moved here with his family, and that his brother-in-law was probably about my age. He's like, Hey, my brother-in-law is like, I think you might be around your age. How old are you? And I was like, I'm 25. He's like, Oh, he's 26. It's like cool. He's an older man. And I was like, Yeah, I was like, okay. I was not thinking much about it. I mean, I was like kind of thinking, he's a California boy. Like, I don't know about this. I don't know if he's gonna even like also, I knew he's a personal trainer. I was like, I don't work out. Uh, he's not gonna like me. Like, this is dumb. But he just, I don't know. He was like, um, let's just if you want to, I can give him your information. So here he gave John my Facebook. So funny. Yeah. And so I didn't know this, but he, the brother-in-law, called John and he's like, Hey, I just met your wife. And he's like, Shut up. And he's like, go on Facebook and look her up. And um the best thing I think is that John had zero game. He just literally messaged me like two hours later and was like, Hey, hey, wait a quick. Yeah, yeah, wait. I'm like, no. And and I was like, oh, okay, he's already talking to me, you know? He's not even like doing the like make me wait thing. So he's like, you know, oh, just saying a couple things. And he's like, Can I call you? And I'm like, A call, not even a text. Okay. You want to call me? Like, we went straight from like, we're not even texting, we're just we were Facebook messaging, and then we went to calling. We talked for like over two hours, just getting to know each other. And he's like, Hey, would you meet for coffee tomorrow? And we met for coffee, and literally, I think we've never been apart. It's really sweet. We actually like, I'm like, it's my favorite story. Yeah. Because it really was very much like this instant connection that I can't imagine. Never had. Yeah. Yeah. I just couldn't believe, I just couldn't believe what was happening at that time. I was like, is this I'm actually like falling in love with this guy? And I and what was happening? Uh my life felt like a whirlwind after that. And yeah, it was really, it was really sweet. We were like so special. Yeah, and we got like engaged five months later.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

So you guys totally knew. We did. So you've been married for 13 years now? Yeah. Almost.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

Wow. That's so cool. I know it's so funny. I'm like, that worked out. I think everybody was a little scared around us. They're like, um, are you sure you don't want to? You're like, don't worry. I'm like, don't worry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Don't worry about me. That's so cool. I always make my own decisions. Oh, I love that. That is so cool. Um, so when you met at that time, what I guess maybe it has to be more hindsight, but what version of John was he when you guys had met?

SPEAKER_03 10:35

He kind of led with like I used to do like drugs and things like that. And I I was like, I I do drink still, but like I don't, you know, do any of those harder drugs. And as time went on, he kind of sh told me about the things that he had done. And, you know, I was always just like, oh yeah. I mean, I knew many people who had done that. Yeah. He was kind of on the straight and narrow at that time, and he was very much into fitness. Yeah. And he kind of told me that. That was like his new addiction was like, was fitness, how he ate, bodybuilding, all of that. Um and thankfully he never he didn't care if I did that either. I was like, We love that. I was like, It's like, do you honey, but yeah, yeah. And then he was like good with me uh not ever really working out. He's like, that's okay. Yeah, but it's just for health purposes. Like you might want to do things for your heart. And I'm like, okay. So I'll let you know when I want to help. I will let you know when my heart's ready. So yeah, I he was um we only I remember in the beginning, it was like we would have like wine together, you know, and it was just sort of casual or like on the weekends. He I think he was trying to be careful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Um He was in love with you the second he saw he. Yes, yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Yes. I think he was trying to do the best he could to make sure he didn't sabotage our relationship too by you know getting too wild or anything like that. So it kind of and like the drinking for him really it snowballed over time for us. Um I never really saw a problem until much later, like until he pretty much got sober. Like I didn't really know. Like he told you, I think, like it I was unaware of so much. Yeah. Um just because I trusted him so much. So and I still like it didn't really like crush me to find out the things that he was keeping from me, but um because I understand why, yeah, like I understand him.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Um he just loved you that much, he probably felt like if I tell you this, it it could hurt you. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Yeah. But I'm like, no, our relationship got so strong over the last 13 years that it was like, I was like, I know you, like I know you through and through, and I know your intentions are always good.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

He had mentioned there was a couple times where you'd stopped drinking for a while. Did you did he like tell you when he was doing stuff like that?

SPEAKER_03 13:10

He would tell me. Um used to, like in the probably middle of our relationship, probably when our kids were pretty young. I had like a big fear of him uh not drinking anymore, actually, because it was part of our uh lives so much that it felt like that was like I don't get it. Like we have fun. Yeah. And I'm like, why can't you just control it? I kind of didn't understand, like he was struggling mentally more than I knew.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

So he there's a so he's struggling, but like you guys in your relationship have had two kids together. Yeah. And you and I were speaking earlier. We've both suffered from postpartum depression. So there's been a point where he was dealing with um drinking and um pills while you're also going through something that is also kind of feels like a solo journey. I don't know if that's how it felt for you, but for me, it was like I could tell you everything that was going on, but it still felt like postpartum depression was a very solo journey. Oh, yeah, no matter how much I shared with my partner. What was that like? And at that time, did you know that he was struggling? And what was it like for you?

SPEAKER_03 14:24

I didn't know he was struggling. Like I really didn't, so actually it was this year that he told me about the pills. Like it's uh literally 2026. So I I had no idea that he was doing that. Um and so when I was going through postpartum, I like you said, I felt like I was so alone. I didn't know anyone who had postpartum. I didn't even it wasn't on my radar. So I had my daughter and it hit me like you know, three days in, I would say. And I just I was um I felt absolutely crazy. I felt like a crazy person. And I know he thought, I think she's crazy. He's like, what's happening? Yeah, he's like, what's happening to my wife? She's been abducted because I really felt like that. I was the weirdest thoughts, like I I was I was scared of him handling her. I was like, she's really fragile. Like you're not being careful enough with her. He's like, I'm holding her. Or like I remember it was Christmas time. Also, having kids in the darkest months of the year is like it was really hard on me. Yes, yeah. Because at 4 p.m. it would get dark. I would get it was almost like that Sunday scaries feeling, but it was like the nightfall feeling. I don't know what that's called. But it was it freaked me out every every night at four. I would just start to be like I would start to spiral and cry. All I did was cry and cry and cry.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

And that makes you feel even crazier.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Yes. I felt so crazy. And it was Christmas time, it was like Christmas season, it was just like our favorite time of the year. And I I just remember he would still be like joyous with her, and he'd like be dancing with Christmas music, and I'm like, like, yeah, shut her down. Like, I just felt like so weird. And I remember at like the two-week checkup, I was taking her in to the pediatrician, and the pediatrician was asking me all about Dakota. I was trying, I was trying to keep it together. I was just like, every single thing was making me cry, like literally every thought. It was weird. And she goes, and mom, how are you? And I just lost it. She was like, Okay. Okay. So I just want you to know that there is help if you if you need it. She's like, You um this I can tell you're and I'm like, Yeah, I've been struggling. I was like, I don't know what's wrong with me. She's like, it's completely normal. We have counseling here, we also have medicine, like things that can help you. And I at that point, I was like, Well, I'm just gonna try to like, I'm gonna try to stick it out and and try to figure it out. And I remember, and I and I did, and I it was good to know that it was normal. Right. And I was like, there's help, it's because that this is something that happens. Yes. Because I had only heard from like family who said, like, I had the baby blues. I think this was the easy. That sounds very friendly. Why would we have baby blues? Like I love this child more than anything I've ever. It's everything I dreamed of in my life. Why do I feel like this? Yes, why do I feel like this? And mine was just very much like this intense um like protection of her and like how am I gonna keep her alive? Yeah. And I thought, if something happens to her, I will die. Like I was like, I will not be able to handle that. Yeah. So I have to keep her protected at all costs. So like no one touch her.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Yeah. It's a scary thing, especially it's like you go through pregnancy and that's already kind of like kind of it's traumatic. Yeah. You spend that whole time. If there's a day where that baby doesn't kick, all you want to do is go to a hospital and have something checked on. You are the protector. Yeah. You're the main protector, and you do everything you can, and it feels so vital in that at that time. And then all of a sudden you're like, when I when I give birth to this baby love, no. No. Then you have the baby and you're like, crap, my tummy's not protecting you anymore. Yeah. The rest of the world is now you're out in the world. Yeah. And it's an overwhelming thing. And I feel like the baby blues is such a friendly term for this dark, dark space that we can get into for like extended periods of time. I can't believe you white knuckled through it.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

I did. And then, you know, it did like it was easing off in like after a month. But then I was, I was oh, I went back to work at six months. I mean, I'm sorry, six weeks. Yeah. At six weeks. Six weeks. And I was like, I don't know why to that. I think it's because I'm self-employed and I was like, well, my clients, they need me. That's a huge part.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

You feel obligated to other people, even though other people would be like, girl, yes, stay with your baby, get well. I know.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

And I was like, it's like, oh, I just have to go back. But thankfully, I did cut my schedule to being only three days a week. But I was still, yeah, for the whole year I went back to work, like that whole first year. Every single day, I would get in my car after working and just cry. Yeah. And I'm like, this isn't normal. What am I doing? I'm pumping in a bathroom. I'm, you know, the things that women lack of sleep. It's just like men in their useless nipples for the case. So we did have a lot of struggles with that with the nighttime waking up thing. Yeah. Um even if they want to help and you're breastfeeding, it's like you can only help so much. Yes. And I think, and he will he'll admit, like, he wasn't amazing with my daughter. He was much better with my son. But he didn't understand I cannot be sleep deprived like this, or I am not functioning at even 50%. Like I'm going insane. I'm postpartum and sleep deprived. I feel psychotic. Yep. You know?

SPEAKER_01 19:58

And that that will drive you nuts. You've already got your hormones out of whack from being pregnant. You give birth to this baby, you've just brought in a new life. Yes. You brought in a baby and it feels like he's acting like a fucking baby. You know?

SPEAKER_03 20:12

And sometimes you're just like, Why don't you get it? Yes. And I'm like, just wake up. But it was, we had, we were constantly going at it. Like, he's like, Oh, get up at 4 a.m. to go. Because he was a personal trainer and he'd have to get up early. And I'd be like, I have to work too. He's like, but you don't have to work until 10.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

And I'm like, we would it's what starts it. It I mean, honestly, kids, be ready when you have kids. Yes. It will get you turning on each other so fast. When what you just said is you are both working really hard. Yeah. And it's not that the other person isn't working hard. It's just that I need you to see that I am not doing well. That's, I think, what people are saying. Not like you're not doing enough. Please see that I'm not doing okay. And like I need care for that. Yes. But then someone else's cup is also almost depleted. And they're like, I want to pour into you, but I am also telling you that like I am depleted. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

We were both just we were so depleted. We didn't know how to communicate how to like write, meet each other halfway. Uh it comes out an exploding moment. It did, it wasn't our finest moment.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Yeah, no, I feel like every couple can relate to that. Yes. I will go with my crazy eye twitching, expecting the world to see it and to like start helping and nothing happens. And then it's not until I start screaming where everyone's like, oh, I think she stopped. I snapped months ago. Haven't you seen my eyes twitching?

SPEAKER_03 21:33

It's twitching my mother.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Yes, yes. And that lack of sleeve on both sides, and it's so hard because at what point do you catch up? Like when you are a parent, you can't turn it off. Yes. You can't be like, hey kids, could you just like power off for a little bit since she was newborns?

SPEAKER_03 21:49

Yes. And we another thing, like we did it all on our own. We didn't have any family. We had no no place. And we also didn't ever have our kids in like a daycare. Oh wow. So we Just no breaks. Oh my gosh, no breaks. We just passed off kids back and forth to each other, like back and forth from work. And it was um a lot of work. It was great and rewarding in a lot of ways, but it also was a lot of stress. Yeah. There was a lot of like money stress that we had. Like we we I feel like we were in competition with each other for like years. That was our big our big argument. It was like who does more for the kids? Who wakes up more? Who makes more money? Yeah. Or who, you know, who's providing, who should be doing this, or you're not pulling your weight. You're not pulling the weight with like housework or this. And so that that was like a thing for us for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

That's huge. And I feel like that's I don't know a couple that that's not a big thing. I know. Everyone I talk to. Yeah. And it's I've heard you guys say it before, like, you have to remember that your teammates, same team, same team, but it is so hard to not go tit for tat when you are like internally struggling.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

Yes. Very much. It's like when I'm like emotionally unwell, we just or either one of us are. It doesn't, it's not great. You have to like come together. Yeah. Come together. We are, we're a team. We're a team. Yeah, we would go on like a trip together with the kids and be like, remember, we're the teammates here. It's bad. That's against them. Yeah. They are the issue. Yes. I know.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

We actually really like each other.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

We love remember we really like each other. My favorite person.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Yes. Honestly, yes. My husband and I went on a two-week vacation where the kids were not with us. And like two days into it, I was just thinking, I was like, we don't have to make food. We don't have to clean up a house. All I get to do is like care for you, and all you do is care for me. And people need that reset because it is the kids, man. We love them to death and they are worth their worth. Everything we love you so much. You drive me nuts. Yeah. And you make me hate your dad sometimes. Yeah. Because I'm going tit for tat with him when really it's like, it's the struggles of being a parent and the exhaustion from that. Yeah. And it's on top of that, you guys were struggling with other stuff too. Like you guys were both going through your own really big things.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

Yes. And it's like once we had to peel back all those onion layers to really get to the bottom of it. Like, what is it that you're struggling with and what am I struggling with? And let's communicate.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Are there things that you notice like hindsight that were in your daily routine that you see difference now and that you're like, I think that was probably attributed to more of like my husband's alcohol use?

SPEAKER_03 24:29

Oh, yeah. Like I was always like up for a good time. So I was always like, oh, it's five o'clock. Thank you for my drink or whatever. So we would um yeah, and it got to be unhealthy because we we would inch it for, oh, you know, it's five o'clock somewhere. Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

I feel like that's a lot of parent culture too. It is.

SPEAKER_03 24:49

And it was huge all over like TikTok when we were like 2020 when we first started like posting on TikTok. 2020. A lot of my content was about drinking.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Like I was this is ha ha funny funny, you know. Showing up to like this little soccer game or something with like a tumbler of it. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 25:06

One of my viral videos was about like sneaking alcohol with the non-drinking side of the family, like things like that. Yeah. So I definitely was always like there for the good time. Yeah. But um it was yes, and I was unaware. I was unaware that he was drinking more. Like I had no idea that he would go to get me a white claw from the garage fridge. He would pound one, and I didn't know that. And then he would come back with one for him and one for me. Like it was just It felt very like, yeah, we're doing the same thing. Yeah, we're doing the same thing. There were we would fight though, we would be like, I'd be like, how's it gone? We had a 12 pack, we just bought it. He's like, You have more than you think. And I'm like, I didn't. I didn't. I'm like, my max has always been three. Quiet girl, you're drunk. Yeah. He's like, you don't know. You got too drunk. I'd be like, so yeah, I had no idea that all came out later. It's like, okay, I see now. You're like, wait, this was this makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

Our recycling was always way more cool than I assumed it should be.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Yeah. What are some ways that you guys were able to lean on each other during your postpartum depression?

SPEAKER_03 26:17

He he once he figured out and he kind of started to do his own research on like postpartum. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And once he saw, like, oh, she's just she's going through it immensely. And I think I finally was like, I'm not right in the mind right now. Like, this isn't right. Um, he he looked into it more and he was like very supportive, like just very supportive of me. And was like, listen, you just take one day at a time. And if you need to go on medicine or something, then do that. Like if you need help, I'd rather you be okay, you know, and I I know this is a real thing. I know you're you can't help it, and I'm here for you. And then, you know, I think we were fully prepared, like when my son was born, for this same thing to repeat itself. And thank God, like it didn't. Oh, I didn't have I didn't have any, like even a little bit of postpartum with him.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

I'm so happy for that for you. That's huge. You just got to enjoy it.

SPEAKER_03 27:14

Yeah, yeah. And it was just like and I had him the same time of year, so I was really dreading like that darkness at 4 p.m. And I'm like, oh, it was fine. I was I was like, I'm good. I'm good. Oh my gosh. Yeah, and I was um, and then he was so much better about helping me at night and us uh tag teaming the whole parenting thing. And he was amazing, like he's oh he's always been amazing, he's always been receptive to everything I've ever asked or or like had an issue with. He's always been able to be like, okay, let me check myself. Okay, I should have done that better. Like that's that's huge. Yeah, he reflects on everything. I mean you had a conversation with him, you can tell he's pretty like he's great. Yeah, he's like always thinking, like, how can I better this situation?

SPEAKER_01 28:04

And also just not taking my wife has postpartum depression at like face value and coming to whatever conclusion. Like the fact that he looked into it, read more on it, it's amazing because it's like that's what got him to the point, it's like, oh, this isn't you're struggling right now. Like I think that's like a uh that with any type of mental health thing. When people are like, I'm depressed, it's like, well, why don't you just be happy? It's like I'll strangle you. I know because it's just not a possibility. So when someone's able to sympathize and like try to understand what you're going through, it's huge. It is, it opens his eyes up to things maybe he didn't associate with postpartum depression, to him being like, oh my gosh, my wife's struggling in this moment, and that's why she's doing this, or that's why she's saying this or feeling this way, or she can't stop crying.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

Yeah, we had conversations about like why I was doing what I was doing, you know. And he's like, Okay, okay, I get it now. I'm now I know that this isn't an attack on me. This is and I'm like, it is not an attack on you. And I think you're a completely capable parent. Like you are, I don't know. He's always been he's always been an amazing father. So I'm like, really, I was just I was clearly struggling in my brain. Yeah. And I've I've struggled with regular depression too in the past, which is sort of like in my genes, I would say.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

An Ardena. Um little Zootopia shout-out. Um well, when was the first time you kind of realized you were struggling with depression?

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Um, when I was 21, I my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Um sorry. She, yes, and she she made it through, thankfully. Yay, but yes. But I went, I did go really deep into a a depression. It was very scary. And then at that time, I was oh man, I was living like the wild life. So I went, I did go to like alcohol and um I guess I dabbled in some drugs too. But I I was numbing myself for like a good year. Yep. Um, and then when I kind of came out of I was like, I cannot do. I was just like, I can't do this. This isn't good. That wasn't good for me. That wasn't good for me at all. I'm like, that is not even what I really want to do. Like, I don't that was a hard time though. There's nothing. It was really hard. It was really hard to parent going through that. And she was like, she was very sick. Like she went through like the extreme chemo, like lost all of her hair. Was she looked like death, honestly. She was terrifying. Yeah. And and I had a little sister, it was only eight. So just watching her have to like see that in our mom, like it was really hard. And I think it just triggered that where I was like, I need I need some help. And so I was on that maybe for like two years. And then I was like, I can, I think I'm okay. And so I would there have been like three times in my life where I've gone on and then weaned off. Um, but I mean I'm currently on, it's all off. So I just have very low dose, but I I need something. So girl thing.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Yeah. Like girl. I got a sweatshirt that says hot girls take Lexapro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

I love it. Yeah, but um it was something well, I had to try a few different ones. Yeah. Then when I found the thing, I was like, like week two, I was like, wait a minute. Like I'm not after I had my kids, I had like bad thoughts too. Mine was always like, someone's gonna break into the house and try and hurt us. How do I protect us? Yes. I can't take us to the farmer's market because it's an open area. I don't know how to get to our car. Like, just someone's always trying to hurt us. Yeah. I was so paranoid about protecting them. Yes. Uh, and I think the plague 2020 exacerbated us. Oh, because we were in our house and outside was dangerous. People are doing dangerous things, and I can't control it's a control thing. I was like, I can't control the public, but I can control us in our safe little environment here. That drives me crazy because I don't leave this place.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

Yeah, it's not good for mental health. No, it's it's not. And it was like, it was scary. I had a three-month-old when we, you know, went into the COVID lockdown. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

And I was like, And we don't know enough about what's going on. And you're just like, if I open this door, something's gonna come and hurt my baby. I know. We're like, oh my gosh, what's the world?

SPEAKER_03 32:28

What's happening in this world? Yeah, it felt like it was crumbling. Scary times.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

This podcast is brought to you by recovery.com. Recovery.com is a place where anyone can find mental health or addiction treatment options specific to them. You can filter by location, price, insurance, coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and so much more. Recovery.com is the best place to find mental health or addiction treatment for anyone, anywhere. I understand like the weaning stuff. I and I'm always like, is that like a me problem? Like when someone's like, oh God, that person just like crashed their car into a building because they're off their met. Like hypothetical story. I'm like, yeah. And then there's me that's like, no, I'm fine now. I can get off my met. And then two years later, I turn back up again. I'm gonna need to go back.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

I was like, oh no, I get why you guys put me on the back. Yeah, it's happened to me many times. Yeah. I'm like, um, John, yeah, I think I'm gonna need he's totally, yeah. Yeah. Once he learned about it all, I don't think he knew anything before he was married to me. Yeah. And I'm like, listen, this is these are the things that I'm um thinking in my mind. They're not great thoughts. So I need to have something to not let me go down here because that's where I would go. I would I would have these like very scary, suicidal thoughts. And and I'm like, why is that coming into my mind? Like, why is it happening? Why am I like in the car?

SPEAKER_01 34:04

You know, thinking about the car going off or something. And that's just why does it feel like, yeah, there's a point where I'm like, shit, what if I don't turn here? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

Yeah. And I'm like, well, that's oh, that's not good. I don't I that's an odd thought.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

That's an odd thought. But it's like then we say, like, those are weird thoughts. Those are normal thoughts. Those are super normal thoughts for anybody that's just had a baby and is dealing with their swing of everything that's going on in their head. Yes. It's just scary. Very scary. And because you feel like you're experiencing a brain that's not yours and thoughts that aren't like normal for you.

SPEAKER_03 34:36

Yeah, and you're like, Am I ever, am I ever gonna feel normal? That part. That's it. Like, am I just gonna die crying? Yes. Yeah. Am I messed up forever? Will I never enjoy life?

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Like, there's some scary thoughts that go along with that. Postpartum depression has been one thing that is like scared me about having another child. Because I'm like, I know how bad it gets for myself, and like, am I willing to it's huge, yeah. It gets really bad. So I'm like, is that something I can do? Did you have it with Bo? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was just like the first one, I was 24. So I had postpartum depression, but I was also like, I'm I was an adult, but I was a kid. Yeah, yeah. You I still call my mom for things now. Yes. Um but 24, I had her, wasn't with her dad, and when he would take her, I would go out and party. Not because I wanted to, because I didn't want to be alone and like I was going through it in my head. So I think while like a lot of people are like, why won't you just calm down? It's like I really did. I just needed someone there. Yeah. And I needed my baby, and I just needed, I needed help. I went to my what, my six-week checkup, and they're like, you're fine. And then that's the last time you see anybody, and you're like, Yeah, I don't know. And I don't think I can I didn't I didn't know what postpartum depression was when I was 24. I just saw I was acting out and I have no, I was like, why am I so naughty? Yeah. Why do I got that ticker in me that just wants to do bad shit? Yeah. And uh that was exacerbating it. And then as I got older and I had my second one at 34, I was like experiencing the same feelings. I was like, oh, I was not a naughty girl. I was depressed. Yes. And with this one, it was like now I had like the words for it. I had a supportive husband. I could go to my doctor a little bit more confident and be like, no, I'm not doing well. Cause I didn't start taking medication until six months after when it got like bad, bad. When I was like, I'm not talking to other people. I'm only having conversations in my head. And if I try and talk to you, I'm just gonna cry. But like I remember day four after I had my son, and we're eating lasagna that somebody had brought over, and I had on the same shirt that I had on for like the last three days, and it was just an old navy shirt that sits strong on it, and it was just caked in like milk. Oh and I'm like shoveling lasagna in my mouth, just balling. And my husband looks over, he's like, Are you okay? And I was just like, I know that's me, too. And it's just like we are not alone going through this.

SPEAKER_03 37:02

But just to know that you're not alone. Like that was the biggest thing. I was like, okay. The happiest, jolliest people are going through this. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, oh, okay, thank, thank you for telling me that story. So there's hope you can get better because yes, I was crying in my into my food too. Just stop, I was crying. Yeah. We were doing the craziest things with her sleeping situation too. We were John had me convinced that my cat was gonna try to suffocate her. I think sit on her in the night. What's going on? Because we got a zip, zip up bassinet to start. And I'm like, who is unzipping, zipping that thing? When you have a little new brine that's getting up multiple times. Joke, I knew your cat knows how to unzip. Yeah, I'm like, and I'm like, the zipper is all loud, and the baby wakes up again. I'm like, this isn't working. So we'd have to go. We were switching. I'm like, okay, let's try this place to sleep. Now let's try this thing. This this snuggle me or this uh and I remember we were in Target and we're like looking for another solution for her to sleep. And I'm like balling in Target. And I'm like, this is not a normal thing. What? What is wrong with me? And I'm like, I can't get her to sleep. What if she never sleeps? It's like they will one day. She sleeps, she sleeps, like you know, and she did actually, she was pretty good. She was by six weeks sleeping through the night and never was a like never was a waker up after that. I love that person. But my son every single night, multiple times, until he was like nine months old. So he just wanted to nurse all the time.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

My son was the same for a year and a half. And then we went on vacation. He stayed with my mom for three nights and she broke him.

SPEAKER_03 38:44

She broke him, she let him cry. Yes, there was a vacation where Asher slept away from us, slept in his in the the like pack and play in my dad and my stepmom's room. And he kind of stopped after that. I think they might have just not heard him or something.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

My mom's like, I heard him and he wouldn't stop. So I just let him cry. I was like, Yeah, they like let him cry. She's like, What do you think I did with you? I was like, Yeah, I've got problems, girl. I know I'm like, how traumatic? Are you okay? I know. My baby. One time she was watching him and I was watching on the camera, like hit her put him down, and it basically threw my son in his room on the bed and said, Night. Yeah. And not like that, like a little more gentle. But it was so fast. I was like, where's all his hugs and kisses and stories and love? And she closes the door, and I could hear him on the camera go, My tozies are cold. I would just my mom immediately that said, you go back in there and you warm up those toesies. Warm up those toes, please. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Parenthood, man. It's crazy. So John told us that 2018 he had begun sneaking drinks and was hiding his consumption from you. Also, that when you had a C-section, he had taken some of the pills and stuff. Was there a moment that like raised an eyebrow for you through any of those? Or is it basically like he's told you all that stuff? Like, future?

SPEAKER_03 40:08

It's kind of like he didn't tell me until much later. I think there were moments where I was like, what are you doing? Because like we went to this concert. I think he talked about this concert. And I was like, what is wrong with you? I was so mad at him at this one because I'm like, how did you get so drunk? Like, we can't even enjoy this concert. You're excited for this concert. We were with my little sister, my younger sister, too. So I was like, just mad.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

I was like, why are you ruining this time? Yeah, but more instances. It sounds like more instances instead of like uh every single like you said, he's like, I'm not a like violent or mean or anything. He's never ever mean. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

Like that's the thing. He he's never angry or mean. He would always just shut down. Yeah. So I didn't know he was drinking that much because I just thought he was tired. Working, doing all the stuff. Yeah, he was still like functioning. And I was just like, oh, I guess he just he's tired and he's going to sleep. I just really didn't understand that like he was having this kind of a secret problem. Yeah. Um and yes, I guess he's master hider of those things. I've found out. And I'm like, but I get it because he didn't want to disappoint me. Yeah. And I think he was like, if I can just keep it all together, like I can I'm working, I'm I'm an amazing dad, like I'm trying to be a supportive husband.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

And it sounds like for a long time he was really trying to figure it out or like putting forth like he really was. I'm gonna do this, I need to do it. He like saw it in himself that it was gonna happen and he needed to do it. It was just like the like the how because he was like a disciplined guy, you know.

SPEAKER_03 41:43

He was very much like, I'm gonna wake up at this time and I'm gonna go work out, I'm going to eat this way. So I'm like, oh, he's he's got the discipline. And he always would try to make things better. Like he was, you know, he was always trying to to to level up. Yeah. So I I know alcohol just it really, it was, it was like that year before he quit. I would say was the I could see that he was trying to, he was like, try to quit and then he'd go back to it. Yeah. And I know that now, I maybe it's like hindsight. I'm like, oh, he was really struggling with he wanted to quit, but he was like, I failed. You know, I failed. I could can't do it. And then yeah, I think I was saying how I was like really worried that it was gonna ruin our social life and things like that. Because you're like, you have a problem with it, not me. Yeah. What we do is have fun like this. Yes, this is like our normal thing. And but once he did, I was like, I don't know. It was never, it's it hasn't been an issue ever. Like I'm so proud of him, and I'm so up for him doing whatever he wants to do to better his life. Like, I'm I'm like, woo, I'm your cheerleader.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

Yeah, because it's like you didn't marry him for like the drinking version. No, you married him for like all those wonderful things that you saw in him. Exactly. And that alcohol was just like kind of dimming that sparkle in him. It did.

SPEAKER_03 43:01

I hated that he, I was like, you're really a boring drunk, he was such a boring drunk. I don't even know why I was like worried. He wasn't even that fun. He would break down and go to sleep. And then I'm like, that's not even that fun. Uh it's like, well, yeah, because he was doing so much more. Exhausting. Yeah. But I'm like, I I just try to be as supportive as possible with him now. And you know, and I'm like, it has not affected anything. I I love going on vacation with him. I love going out to hang out with him anywhere, like going to concerts and stuff. Like it's the being together. It's not being together. I don't need you know, we don't need to drink. It's like it's freedom for me too. I've I've haven't consumed very much alcohol in the last three years just because of him. Like he was, he was like, here. He was always handing it to me, like here, here. I'm like, really? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's Tuesday, but you know, it's Wednesday, it's Thursday.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

Yeah, I feel like that happens a lot of times when I talk to couples where someone's like, you know, they were. Sobriety, I didn't have an issue with it, but just kind of like along the way, I saw how great it was benefiting them. Yeah. And that like the things before it was preventing from like, I wonder if I dabble a little bit. It kind of makes me feel better. Or if I realize like I don't really like need it or want it. It doesn't have to be a habitual thing that like when we do this, I have to have a glass of wine or like needing to fill, yeah, a little koozie up with something.

SPEAKER_03 44:23

Yeah. And it it's really, it's been cool to kind of get out of that where I know, like, oh my gosh, I don't even want to drink. I don't even I don't desire it because I really hate being hungover. Like that's the worst thing to me. So I'm like, I just don't even want to do that. And plus, I mean, I'm having a good time without it. And yeah, so it's like, and for us, we had to go through each like milestone, which was like, you know, going to our big Fourth of July block party. Um, he got through that. And then it was like going through his birthday. We got through that. So we got we got through each of those big events where we would normally drink or where he would normally drink. And it's like, yes, we we accomplished that. He accomplished that. I like I would still here and there drink, but it's like not for me, it's not fun if I'm not doing it with him. Like I was like, what's the point? I would never, I'm just not wired like that where I would like to do it alone. Yeah. So there's no point. That's good. Yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

Um, so after everything comes out and he has his like breakdown, what does the rebuilding look like for you guys? Because you're also you're supporting him and he's going through something, but there's also this like part of your relationship that you need to rebuild. Yes. And that trust for you, and just like a how do we move forward while you're still getting help?

SPEAKER_03 45:43

Yeah, I think it's been amazing for our relationship. We've had like the last three years, we've probably come together more than like any, you know, way before that. Like sometimes I look back, I thought our relationship was great, like this 10 years before. Because we were building, you know, over time. But now I'm like, oh wow, we had so many things to work through. We've worked through so much in the last three years. I think because he's finally able to be like truly himself, vulnerable, open himself up completely. He he cries now, you know, he expresses, he's um so deeply thoughtful. Um and he's very like he's going he's like introspective, you know. So um we're always trying to like just figure things out. And we're both really pretty emotionally not immature, both very emotionally mature, like that's a big thing for us. I want to always like understand where he's coming from, and he's the same with me. Like, we're if we have a fight, we pretty much like end it right away because we now are like, wait, where's that coming from with you? Because what was wrong? Yeah or something, or like what's going on? And it's like he has to like dig dig deep and be like, okay, it's really this that's bothering me because of this. And it's like, okay, I understand that.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

Yes, I totally get it. Those are huge like relationship building moments because that person is now allowed to be vulnerable with what is really hurting them. And then that person who's being vulnerable is trusting you to then receive that information and like help in some way. Um, especially going through something as big as alcohol or a drug addiction and then postpartum. It's like you guys have this relationship where you're able to like not just communicate, but communicate with the other person's interest. Yes. Like it's not just talking at somebody to get your stuff out. It's trusting that other person to then like really be listening, take it in, and then that person cares about you so much where they're like, okay, what's our call to action?

SPEAKER_03 47:52

Like, what are we doing together now? Yeah. And we're like, we're so connected that we just it's like, I don't know, we both are like pretty good at just squashing everything now and sort of just rolling with the punches and like figuring out how to move forward. And it's like I just like I care about him so much that I like, what what can I do to be here to help you? Like I that's just and I know it's reciprocated. So it's like, yeah, it's it's really awesome. I am very proud of us. Like I'm proud of where we've been and like we have navigated it pretty well and kind of on our own, you know, like kind of just figuring it out as we go.

SPEAKER_01 48:33

And to model that convers like that communication with like in front of your kids too is huge because I'm sure that attributes to why they are so open and able to communicate the way that they do with you guys.

SPEAKER_03 48:43

They are. And we I feel like yes, we're with our kids too. We're like building them brick by brick. And it it's such a like process, it takes so much patience. Like my daughter is so much like me. So I feel like I'm reparenting. Yeah. And and when I'm parenting her. And I like now think about every single thing I'm saying to her. Like everything I'm pouring into her. I think of it almost as like what I would have needed. Yep. Um, and I just try to, we just we're both really good about like meeting her where she's at at nine. You know, you're like, hey, what is going on in that little mind?

SPEAKER_01 49:18

It's yeah, especially for it's like a daughter, me as a mother of a daughter, having the experience of her hitting, she's 14 now, so hitting certain ages that I was when like traumatic events had like divorce or being bullied or just like my depression kicking in. My daughter is me. She looks nothing like me, but that is like we are 100%. That is my child. She acts the same way I did. I'm in so much trouble. But it's like I see the things in her now, and to be able to have that with like and offer that it's it's like a double-edged sword because you also want to be the person that you needed and like offer that stuff. Yes. But then when they do the things that you did, you have to then react with that same person. Yes. Cause it's so easy to be like, I'm offering this gentle parenting and blah, blah, blah. But then when they do the thing because they're your kid that you would have done, you also have to be that gentle person and not revert back to the person who received it or you as that child and reacting in that way.

SPEAKER_03 50:19

Yeah, you can't react in like, why would you do that? Like uh, like, oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, because they're kids and they do, they make choices that aren't great. And yes, that's how I always am thinking about it with my daughters who I'm like, okay, what what did I need? And we're not like so gentle that we're not gonna be also guiding. Like there's some, there's some tough love kind of stuff too, like that is good for someone. And but our kids are gonna know, like, my parents have my best interests at heart. Like, that's all they do is try to pour into us. Like, I'm just pretty, I don't know. I'm like, we are you guys are doing good. We're trying, we try. That's we're not perfect. No one is.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

Can't strive for perfection.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

Can't strive for perfection. But we definitely are like, my daughter's just, she's so she's so funny. But yeah, like it takes a long time, it's taken until nine to kind of like a lot of these things to actually kick in and actually make a difference. Like we see, we're seeing like the fruit of it all now. Because you have to put the work in.

SPEAKER_01 51:19

You can't just have, well, I was nice once and I hope that they take that. No, it's like every single day. Showing up, yes, having the patience.

SPEAKER_03 51:28

Yes. And I I feel like we're like literally um depositing into her like bank, you know, and then it's like you know that there's gonna be a lot of people and situations like withdrawing from that bank. Yep. But I just we're just like trying to really just build it up, build it up, build it up so that she has everything, she has everything she needs there. Like she said, she's gonna have her good foundation, she's gonna know her worth. Yes. She's gonna know. Yes, queen. Yes, know your worth.

SPEAKER_01 51:55

Um, how do you plan? I don't know. Have you guys chatted about how you plan on talking about drugs and alcohol with your kids? That's that's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 52:04

Yeah, I I feel like I him and I will have to have a lot of conversations about that because it's like, how do we navigate that? Especially when just I know it's scary. Oh, it's so scary.

SPEAKER_01 52:17

So scary. And like weed being laced with stuff. I was like, when that was a thing for me, you chose that. Like it is, it is a really scary spot. And even with like my daughter, she's 14 now. Yeah, we'll have like these talks. Yeah, but I haven't sat down and been like, look, I'll be your dare teacher this month. That's right. Um, but she just listens to the podcast, and now she knows a lot of stuff. I'll just do that.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

Yeah, I'll be like, when we get there, I'll be like, okay, you can listen to this podcast. Yeah. They're gonna tell you exactly this. Is better than dare.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

Sometimes I'm always like, Do you have any questions after listening to that? She's like, No, I was like, really? Because I was like, you never told. But yeah, probably does. It is definitely a like a conversation. I feel like I was like, gosh, we started having this conversation in like fifth grade. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 53:00

Because it's interesting. They're vaping in middle school. It's I know. I'm like, I was the kind of kid though that had no, they came. I'm like, what are drugs? What like I had no idea.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

He's corrupt doing drugs. My mom goes, he's probably undercover. Just such an innocent. When did that change?

SPEAKER_02 53:26

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 53:26

When did that change? Yeah, I know. My my dad was always a smoker. I was like, I will never touch that. Me at 14. Yeah. And then first, like my cousin's like, you want a child. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

Yep. Sneaking into the forest because somebody stole their parents, like barb 100s or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 53:43

We literally went like climbed a tree. And I'm like, what are we doing? I didn't even know what I was doing. You're like, take a puff, and then buzz it back, and you gotta run. Yes. And then my cousin's like, here, drink the sprite.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

But my oh, the first drink I made myself was my freshman year of high school. I didn't know shit about alcohol. I mixed orange juice and gold schlager.

SPEAKER_02 54:01

Ew. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

Like kind of I heard that snicker. Yeah. Yeah. So this journey of yours started out with kind of describing you as like the normie. Like is kind of just, you know, not a ton of knowledge on addiction, not really exposed to it. But like today, I think you've got incredible knowledge on it. You have experienced and been able to like help someone walk through that journey. And you are like the tired mom, helping out other moms every single day. Um, what is something that you are most proud of about yourself today? That's what am I most proud of?

SPEAKER_03 54:40

You have a lot to be proud of. Like, what am I most proud of? I am, I'd say I'm most proud of the family we've built. Like, honestly, it's amazing. I come from divorced parents. Um, and I think you were mentioning that in the other one. Yeah, multiple steps five. Yes. So that was my norm. That was like kind of and like almost all of my family had been divorced. Like my grandparents were all divorced and had, so I had like uh what was I like over eight grandparents? You know, just I had like all these. Nobody has eight, all of these grandparents, like everywhere. Um, which I was I always like was like, oh, but that's okay, get more presents. But that was kind of the norm, is like everybody breaks up. And I'm so proud of like how far we've come. I think a lot of people like kind of doubted me. I was a little bit wild with relationships when I was younger. I was like in a lot of different relationships, and I was like moving on quick too. I was like nine months by yeah, and everyone's like, oh gosh, she'll never settle down or settle down. Look at her now, guys. Look at me now. Look at her now. And I I really feel like it has been, it's it's been work, like of course, but thankfully I did pick an amazing person to go on the journey with. And I'm I'm really proud of how we're raising our kids too. I they're like the kindest kids. I just and they they are ornary too, and they take a lot of patience. But like, like I said, brick by brick, we're we're just instilling all the things and like they are they're so awesome. Like they are awesome people. I just love our little family of four so much. Um and I'm just I am I am really proud of that. I'm proud of just how we've done that.

SPEAKER_01 56:30

I mean, as a child of divorce, one thing I've always kind of felt is like me being in a marriage is a choice because I've seen I cannot be in one multiple times. Yes. So it's like where I am is where I am choosing to be. And then I met the love of my life and I was like, I would never walk away. Yeah. It's one of those things where like I realize that, like, and I'm willing to put in the work. Yeah. And I'm willing to because I love this person more than anything in this world. Yeah. It was the first time in my life where I realized, yeah, I was the same way with relationships. It was just like nine months, okay. Bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

And I'm out of sight, out of mind. Yes. I was just like, nope, I'm the next.

SPEAKER_01 57:07

And so I wasn't really, I'm not feeling it. I would fake cry in a mirror for a little bit to get those tears in, but like, whatever. Um, but it it was. It wasn't until I met my person where it was just like, oh, this is the thing, this is like that thing that I want to build, and I have so much like love and care for. And you kind of experiencing the same thing, and then being like, I'm sticking with this person and we're gonna work through it together. Like that is something you should both be really proud of because you supported somebody through one of the hardest things that people have to go through.

SPEAKER_03 57:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:38

And loved him through it. Um, and he was also big enough to step up and say, I have a problem and I I don't want to do this anymore for myself and for our family.

SPEAKER_03 57:49

Yeah, and I I know, and I'm so I'm so thankful, grateful, whatever that he was able to finally like break through all of that. I guess and you know, we're still working on things like because I do think like once he got sober, even more of that like his anxiety, all this all these things you have to tackle that you've you've put down with the alcohol or drugs or whatever. And so we're we're still working through things. He's still working through things, like you know, there's life is not it's not easy. Like it's not easy. We have to we've got to power through, and we so that's our whole thing is we just work together. I'm like, just tell me, yeah, be open with me. I'm always here to work, work on it, you know?

SPEAKER_01 58:34

It's like it's just it's both so great. Oh, and thank you so much. You're great. Thank you. No, um, this has been awesome. I love being able to speak to people. I have been able to speak to like sisters, mother, daughter. Yeah. I love like the husband-wife relationship because this is like a true like you're not blood, you can walk away, but this is something that you choose to help someone walk through, someone you care so much about. So thank you so much for sharing your story and your perspective of the story when it comes to getting through your husband's sobriety. Um, I'm just really grateful to have you both here for that. Where can people follow you?

SPEAKER_03 59:12

What are your handles? I'm the tired mom. Yes. Yes. And I think it's like the tired mom everywhere. Yeah. She got that. Yes, and the tired mom and tired, well, tired dad and tired mom podcasts. Yes. Whenever you get podcasts. Oh, give it a listen. Great couples. We just talking. Yep. We just talk. We just like pretty much every time I just show up and like he starts talking, and we both are just like, and then somehow time goes by. The whole episode comes up. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:38

So we just we just have fun getting real. That's awesome. Relatable conversations for parents. Um, thank you again for joining us. Thank you. Thank you guys for joining us. We will catch you on the next episode of Recovery Castle.