Michelle Chubb | From Alcohol, Molly, & Cocaine Dependency to Cultural Healing

Michelle Chubb shares her powerful story of overcoming alcohol, Molly, and cocaine dependency through Indigenous cultural reconnection and motherhood.

Michelle Chubb (known online as Indigenous Baddy) opens up about her journey through substance dependency, party culture, and social anxiety. Growing up between her reservation and Winnipeg, Manitoba, she faced childhood bullying, cultural disconnect, and systemic isolation before turning to heavy alcohol use, MDMA, and cocaine to feel outgoing. Realizing the toll substance use was taking on her self-worth, Michelle and her partner chose sobriety together. By reconnecting with her Cree and Ojibwe heritage, jingle dress dancing, and traditional ceremonies, she found deep spiritual healing, authentic confidence, and a mission to break generational trauma for her daughter.

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In this inspiring episode of Recoverycast, Michelle discusses how cultural healing and community support became core pillars of her addiction recovery and relapse prevention. From navigating heavy binge drinking and party drug dependency to finding her voice as a viral content creator and TEDx speaker, her story offers hope for anyone seeking mental health healing, trauma recovery, and sobriety stories rooted in identity and resilience.

Subscribe to Recoverycast for more real stories of hope, leave a comment sharing your thoughts on Michelle's journey, and share this video with someone who needs encouragement today!

⏱️ Chapters:

00:00 – Intro

03:12 – Welcome Michelle Chubb

04:00 – Growing Up on the Reservation vs. the City

08:08 – Facing Childhood Bullying & Cultural Isolation

13:57 – Binge Drinking & Using Substances to Mask Anxiety

16:07 – Escalating to Molly, Cocaine & Party Culture

21:23 – The Turning Point: Choosing Sobriety with Her Partner

22:52 – Reconnecting with Indigenous Culture & Jingle Dancing

27:20 – Becoming "Indigenous Baddy" & Navigating Fame

32:10 – Motherhood, Breaking Generational Cycles & Final Advice

❓ Questions the Video Answers:

1. How does reconnecting with cultural identity support addiction recovery?
2. What are effective strategies to stop binge drinking and party drug use?
3. How can couples support each other when choosing sobriety together?
4. What role do traditional Indigenous ceremonies play in mental health healing?
5. How do you overcome social anxiety without using alcohol or drugs?
6. How do you walk away from toxic friendships when getting sober?
7. What are the signs of healing from generational trauma?
8. How can jingle dress dancing aid in spiritual and emotional healing?
9. What is the connection between childhood bullying and substance dependency?
10. How can parents break generational cycles for their children?
11. How do you build authentic confidence in recovery?
12. What advice helps someone take the first step toward sobriety?

#AddictionRecovery #SobrietyStories #IndigenousBaddy

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:13

This native guy was coming to school, right? My friends, they were like, hey, he's native too. Why don't you go out with him?

SPEAKER_01 0:20

I'm like, uh this I got pushed together with the kinetic hockey game. Like, this is our town's one black person. We're gonna intro him to this town's black person, and you guys can date and live cute. Hi everyone and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. I'm Britney Baynard.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

And I'm Sam Roberts. Uh, we are so excited for you two here this episode with Michelle Chubb.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Oh, I love Michelle.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

It's so nice and so wholesome and so good.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Uh can I read you a couple comments? You would. Fine. Let me, if you wouldn't mind. All right. This comment um comes from an episode on which we had uh the guest Riley Whalen. Right. Perhaps you've heard of her. Hey, um, hey, hey, uh Rye Wei or the highway. All right. Uh this comes from uh Charmaine Williams. He says, or she says, Charmaine says, I'm going through my steps now and listening to this is so breathtaking, regardless of if I hear chairs in a smiley face emoji.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

That's awesome. I love hearing that. Yeah. Especially sometimes you get out of the room and you're just like, I just need a little more. I just needed another story of someone that's like walked that path and it feels good to hear that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

I'm so happy that you feel that. And um, not surprised, but happy that Riley uh inspired you in that way.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Zero percent shocked on that one. We love Riley.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yeah. Okay. Uh this next comment, um, this was on Andrew Barr's episode, uh, Andrew Barr part two. Um, this comes from Ashley. She says, listening from Minnesota, howdy neighbors.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

The soda, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Minnesota up north there. I'm sorry, and that's not me making fun of your accent. People comment on our all the time.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

I'm not from Wisconsin. I say bay.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

They comment on the Wisconsin accent. Yeah. Dragon. Dragon's baby. Wait, let me think. Um, this is the east side, right? Of the, and so West is that way. Okay. Ashley, hi from Minnesota. Wave to Ashley. Listener, wave to Ashley.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Hi, Ashley.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Howdy, neighbor. Howdy is what they say uh in the north. Okay, tell us about uh our guest, Michelle Chubb.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Michelle, absolutely amazing woman. I saw her TikToks and she was like interviewed um for sharing her culture. And I just got stuck like death scrolling all of her stuff. And then I sent it over to Ryeway or the highway, and I was like, I would love to have her come and speak and share her story. Uh, Michelle was somebody who found alcohol to kind of fill a void and moved from her reservation to the city. So also dealt with that huge life change. Um, and then came here to share her story of recovery. So it's super cool, and I hope you all enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

And you will, I promise. Comment if you did enjoy it and write into recoverycasts at recovery.com with your thoughts, with your questions, leave us a review, leave a comment, um, and send some love. Uh, smash the like and Michelle's way. Indigenous baddie on TikTok. She's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yes, she is. All right. And with that, here's the episode. Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's episode of Recovery Cast. Today we are joined by Michelle Chubb, known to millions online as the Indigenous Baddie for her powerful cultural education, modeling campaigns, and her TEDx talk. I am the walking dream of my ancestors. After overcoming a period of substance dependency during her college year, she has turned her life around and now dedicates herself to empowering others. Michelle, welcome to the show. How are you doing? Hi. Hi. Hey. It's so nice meeting you. Um, yeah, like we were chatting about before, I've loved your socials. I love you sharing your culture, and I appreciate you coming here to share your story. So tell us about where you grew up. You grew up on a reservation.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

Um, for the first few years of my life, I've um my parents kind of like went back and forth from the city to the res. And um we didn't fully move into the city until like I was like five, six. What city is this? Uh, Winnipeg, Manitoba. Oh, shout it out, Winnipeg. But yeah, my parents were moving back and forth from the Winnipeg and to the Res. We lived in two reses. It was my mom's res Cross Lake, and then my dad's res Oxford House in northern Manitoba. So like we can't we kept kept going back and forth. And then before we moved to Winnipeg, we just left uh Oxford House. That transition was kind of hard for me because um it was a really big eye-opener because I was so used to the res life, you know. You're honestly free to do anything on the res. Yeah, like not it's not like the city life where like there's so many rules you have to follow, you know, and then you don't need like a boat permit to like ride around on the res, or like you don't need a permit to drive a four-wheeler or like a skiddoo. It was really a big eye-opener, a culture shock for me. Um, because you know, I thought the res was like everywhere, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Was like life for everybody. Like this is what it looks like. And I'm sure like even if you did go into a city, that city was also like close with the res and the people that were on there. So it's like semi-integrated with it. Um, somewhat.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Um, there are many natives that live in my city, Winnipeg. It's just how far away was it?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

You had to take a plane to oh never mind that.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Yeah, auction house is an isolated reserve, but Cross Lake is about like eight-hour drive to Winnipeg. That's incredible. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

What's like your favorite memory growing up out there?

SPEAKER_02 6:09

Oh man, my favorite memory is probably spending time like swimming and like on the reds is very beautiful. Yeah, like when I go up there, uh, I feel like all of my worries are taken away because you know, I'm we're surrounded by trees. And like life. Yes, trees are life. They give us life, they give us oxygen, and um, to be able to experience that at such a young age, I'm very grateful because now as I'm older, I'm like wishing, man, I wish. Yeah, you grew up really ground, like literally grounded. Yes. Like my my body's aching for that feeling again. Like I wish, I wish I was living on the res right now, but like it's impossible because uh lack of housing and stuff like that. Yeah, and uh the res life, honestly, it's so fun. On the res, there's like these houses that sell candy and like snacks and like um drinks that you can buy from them. So I used to take my money, I used to ask my mom for money, and I used to walk myself to those stores and like buy myself candy, and like I would walk home with like a big candy. Yeah, just being me. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. The community is way different than the city. Like on the res, like if you needed needed sugar, you can go next door and ask, like, hey, you have sugar, we can borrow for a bit, and then yeah, and the city is like you're on your own, yeah basically. So at what age did you move to the city? Oh well, when I was like five or six. The earliest I remember is um I went to kindergarten in Winnipeg and then my parents decided to move back to Oxford House, the res for another year. So I spent like half of my kindergarten and half of grade one in the res. Were they big communities? Uh no, they're very small, a very small community. When I moved to the city, um I started to get bullying. So most of my early childhood I don't remember. Like I remember this instance. Um, I must have been in grade three. I remember walking out of the school and then I was crying. I'm not sure why I was crying or what happened, but I was walking down the road and I was crying, and then I ended up looking back and I I don't know what happened. What do you mean? I don't I don't know. I'm like my my brain kind of just like blocked that part out, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

What had what had caused you to start crying? Yeah. Yeah. That's our brains do powerful things when they really want to protect us. I I was the only black kid in my all-white school. There was little things that would pop up in, and I don't think we were too like culturally different, but there are just like differences in households. Did you ever have experiences where you're kind of just like going about your merry way and you do something that's like different from like just the norm that other people have to the point where they point it out and they're like, that's weird, not different. They're like, that's weird. Did you experience a lot of that?

SPEAKER_02 9:33

All the time when I was younger, like I would, you know, there's there's like some wrestling, right? I would say some resling to my friends, they're like, What does that mean? And then I would have to like be like teaching me all the slang.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yeah. Teach me all the slang.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Yeah, I would have to like describe to them what those words mean, and um there's stuff like that. And also going to your friend's house on the res, you can just like go to the place and knock on their door and like say, Hey, can I play with so and so? And then you can play with uh your friend. But in the city, I guess you have to call first schedule appointment. Yeah, you have to schedule appointment to play with that friend. And uh that was really different for me because I was really bored as a kid, you know. I was the only basically the only native, like there would be other natives that would come to school, but I guess most of them were in the system or their families would move back to the res. So like I couldn't be friends with them for that long. I think the longest res friend I've had in the city was probably about a year or two.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

So like that connections. I guess it gave me trauma too, because like I would create these close connections with them and then and then you just gotta go.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Yeah. I remember a lot of times, like if we did have a black family that moved in, I'd get a new like black kid in school, they'd be like, Oh, look, you guys can be friends. And be like, just because we're black, I'll be friends. Like that part too.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

Yeah, like you saying that just brought up a memory in middle school. Um, yeah, this native guy was coming to school, right? And then my friends, they were like, Hey, he's native too. Why don't you go out with him?

SPEAKER_01 11:27

I'm like, uh That's not how this works. Yeah. I got pushed together with a kid at a hockey game. Like, this is our town's one black person. We're gonna intro him to this town's black person, and you guys can date. It'll be cute.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Yeah, that's what they did. I was like, uh just because he's native doesn't mean he's my type.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Appreciate you guys looking out though. Um, you had mentioned that you would make friends, but they were in the system. What is what's the system?

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Um, the system is like kind of like apprehended from their families, so they have to live with other people in the city. And um yeah, that experience too. I would go over to their house and like that was different too. I was like, this is your life.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

When you say apprehended, do you mean like government or like their parents willfully?

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Um mainly in the government, like um sometimes parents aren't able to take care of their kids, so and instead of offering services or resources to help them, they think it's easier to remove the child.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Yeah, gotcha. That's crazy. So there's a point in your story where um substance use comes in, but at at this age, teenage years, is that a thing for you? Is that when it starts?

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Um honestly, not really, because I kind of focused more on sports because in high school I was more into basketball and more into focus. And you're tall girly. Yeah, yeah. Um I got a lot of compliments when I was playing basketball. It was pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

That's awesome. I got compliments for being tall, and they're like, you should play basketball. It's like I'm tall for nothing. I can't run and dribble at the same time, so props for you. So then after high school, uh, what happens?

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Um, after high school, I went straight into university. Um, I tried taking dentistry courses because I thought I wanted to be a dentist. Sometimes we think, yeah. Yeah. That didn't work out, and I took a gap year, which led me into that path more. And then I went back to university for another two years for an engineering program for native people. And um, yeah, that didn't really work out either. Yeah. Just wasn't for you. Yeah, so like I'm a university dropout.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

That's okay. I didn't even go. So um, so what when is your first experience with drinking?

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Um, my first experience is probably before I graduated high school, so about like grade 12. Yeah, I first dabbled into alcohol at that age, and then um, yeah, after graduating high school, that's when I kind of like picked it up more. And um, yeah, I got addicted. Yeah, that'll happen.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Was it like but it's was for you, was it like, oh, first time I tried it, I was like, this is this is great, or was it kind of like a progression?

SPEAKER_02 14:36

I feel like it was a progression because I thought the first time I drank, I was like, This is making my body feel weird. Like, you know, like that warm feeling in your cheeks. You got flush. Yeah. I was like, whoa, this is weird. And then yeah, it started progressing into like liking that feeling and uh wanting to feel more of that. Yeah. Yeah. Were you drinking every day? To a point, yeah, before I quit, um, it got really bad. I was buying a case of twelve 12 pack of twisted teas, like every every day. When you're native, like you're exposed to it at a young age. Like everyone around you is like drinking and everyone has their own problems and traumas that they're going through. And I guess alcohol is the the best route for them. And uh, you know, um, I thought it was normal to drink and uh do dru drugs, but as I got older I s noticed how harmful it is for your body and your mindset. And um yeah, I'm glad my parents didn't push it on to me like other parents can.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Like push it on, like see you stressed and be like, here's alcohol, this helps out. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it's like it's not the easiest, just the most accessible thing. Cause like it it's right there. It's down the street, it's in every store, it's in every restaurant. Sometimes more accessible than getting a therapist to talk about stuff or to even acknowledge like what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

There's no one-year wait.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Yeah, honestly, that part, yeah. So at some point you transition from like weekend drinking and partying to different substances like Molly and cocaine. What was that progression like?

SPEAKER_02 16:31

I guess my body just kind of like got used to the alcohol feeling. And then once my friends, my party friends, uh introduce me to Molly, they're kind of like, hey, try this out. You know, and it makes you feel good. So I was like, all right, half hour to an hour later, I was like, whoa, this is weird. Just a wave. Yeah. This is a weird feeling. And then most of the time we would like go to the club. Like there's this one weird um memory that I have at the club. We're me and my friends were on the couch and um we were high off of Molly. And then all of a sudden, the owner of the club comes around, they're like, You guys look like you have you're having so much fun. Can I take a picture of you guys? Oh god. And then we're like looking at each other, yeah. Yeah, it was so messed up. And then while we were high on drugs, um, Molly, she took our picture, and I'm not sure if it's like on the club promotion page.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Exactly. Yeah. So that progresses. Does it go from like trying it out and going to the club to like you seeking out drugs during the daytime? Like, are you working at this time or going to school?

SPEAKER_02 17:50

Um, yeah, those weekends where my friends couldn't find because usually my friends would provide it, and then um there would be some weekends where they wouldn't have it. And I'd be like, okay, let's go get Molly. Let's go find Molly. Find something else. Yeah. Let's go find it. And then um, yeah, that's when I started to realize like, damn, I'm getting addicted to it because like I'm starting to ask for it.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

This podcast is brought to you by recovery.com. Recovery.com is a place where anyone can find mental health or addiction treatment options specific to them. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and so much more. Recovery.com is the best place to find mental health or addiction treatment for anyone, anywhere. How long does that go on for for you? Probably about a couple years. Yeah. Yeah. Did your family notice anything?

SPEAKER_02 18:58

Um, I don't know. Cause like me and my mom were pretty close. Yeah. I tell her everything. So I'm not sure if she noticed then, but she knows now that what I've done. You said it all, yeah. Yeah. I told her everything already. Um, but I'm not sure if she she noticed while I was on it, but she probably did because it's like something's up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah. What was it that made you decide that you didn't want to do this anymore? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

I feel like because I was making a fool of myself and I didn't wanna How so? Um, like I would be puking. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be partying until I puked and um uh I guess if someone told me to do something, I would do it, and sometimes it would be stupid. Yeah. Stupid stuff, right? And like I started to make a fool of myself and I didn't want to be seen like that anymore. Yeah. Because I was tired of being like, I guess, the clown of the group, you know, making everyone laugh. You decided to care for yourself a little bit more. Yeah, exactly. When you're under the influence or under the substances, like there's a different you that comes out, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

And um, I guess that was dependent on her because during my school years, middle school and high school, I was a shy kid. Like you would not see me talking in front of the class. Like if there is a time where the teacher would the teacher would literally uh I guess prepare us when we're gonna be doing our presentations in front of the class. So like I would intentionally skip those days. I'm sick. I would intentionally skip those days not to like speak in front of the class. So I dealt with like um having that trauma of like speaking in front of others. So like um when I was under the influence, I guess that brought out more of me and like I would talk more, I was more talkative.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

I would I would literally literally talk to strangers at the at the club, and like you thought it was providing you this like unlocked personality that like I just can't do this or be this version of myself that's outgoing that I want to be without this substance helping me get there. Yeah, yeah. So alcohol's there, molly, cocaine, and you're kind of just like exhausted with it. Like what day actually, yeah, what was your sobriety day and what did you do? What was like your your first step on that day?

SPEAKER_02 21:40

I really had to sit myself, sit with myself and like really question, you know, what I want to do with my life because I was realizing what I was doing. I'm kind of like wasting my time. Yeah. Because on the weekends I'd be like too busy hung over, right? Mm-hmm. And then during the weekend, weekday, I wouldn't have much time for myself. So like I really had to ask myself, like, what do you want to do?

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

In your life.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Like 'cause like this isn't sustainable. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

Yeah. Cause like there's so many people in my family that do it already. Like, you know how their life turned out. So, what do you want to do different? Yeah, it was kind of hard to quit. Um, but I was able to do it with my partner. Um, me and my partner actually decided to quit alcohol together. Oh, that's so cool. I love that. So I I I've had the chance to quit alcohol with my partner. We helped each other. Yeah. Cause I know it can be hard alone. Yeah. Being sober. And um, yeah, we just kept pushing each other, like, you know, we can do this to be better for ourselves. Because, like, you know, I've always wanted to like growing up, I always said like I miss my older self because I grew up with the culture ever since I was little. Uh, I was introduced to it at a young age, and um, I wanted to go back into the culture because uh I miss that that community feeling, that love feeling that you get from the culture. And um when you're a part of the cultures, especially ceremonies, you have to be sober and clean. And um I wanted to I wanted that life back. So I decided to get become sober, and then um I started to pick my culture back up because it's been a while.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

And then uh yeah, I started all of a sudden I started posting also on social media, you know, telling others about my journey and reconnecting with my culture and picking my uh jingle dress dancing up again. And uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

That's so cool. What did it look like for you to reconnect with your culture and like how did that play a part in your sobriety?

SPEAKER_02 24:08

I felt really good. Yeah. Um, because you know, I've like I said, I've been introduced to it at a young age, so being able to go back into it felt really good. And you know, it kind of felt like I was in control of my life again because those five or five, six years of me spiraling, I was like, I was not in control, yeah. And um, being in control while with my culture uh felt really good. Yeah. And being able to showcase it on social media was pretty good too.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

It's so beautiful. Did walking away from that previous lifestyle mean completely cutting off ties with your friends at that point?

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had to uh cut off some friends, unfortunately, because we were only together because of the party lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

What did it look like then for you moving forward? So inevitably we do have to like at least temporarily cut ourselves off from people in our lives where we're doing that stuff. You're now reconnecting with your culture. How do you then like what's it like for you building community now in sobriety?

SPEAKER_02 25:26

I guess like building new root routines and finding things that you like and enjoy like healthy coping mechanisms. Yeah. But uh yeah, I just started to introduce myself and I like I started going back to the gym again. I started biking, I started to travel more, and um that helped me stay grounded, I guess, and away from that lifestyle for sure.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

So now you're back in your community, you're um newly in your sobriety. Were there times where you found yourself sitting there kind of refacing old traumas or thinking about the past things that had kind of led you into consistent drinking or substance use? And how did you end up facing those sober now instead of grabbing a substance? Eventually my trauma caught up to it. As it will, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

So, like, I don't know. I guess it's all about mindset. Yeah. And like telling yourself it like everyone goes through experiences, like it's not your fault. You know, like I always tell others, you know, creator always tell uh gives us um experiences that we can handle. So that really helps me um understand what I've been through. Because if I haven't had those experiences, then I wouldn't be here, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

Um, I wouldn't be as strong as I am today. So I'm very grateful to have these experiences because you know, I know what to do now. I know how to take care of myself. Um, I know how to give advice if anyone's needing needing to ask me. I'll give that advice out if they need help or not.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

That experience helps you see and be the person that like other people that you needed. Yeah. Yeah. You can see it when other people need that, and your ability to speak up on it is huge. Yeah. Not long after you made the pivot in your life and became sober, your life changed in a huge way. You blew up on TikTok and Indigenous Betty was born. What is it like navigating that like massive sudden visibility? Um, and then also staying like rooted in recovery.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

To be honest, it was really mind-blowing for me because I didn't expect that, you know. She's just a shy girl from Gaston. Um, but yeah, I like to tell others, you know, indigenous baddie is my alter ego. Yes, we all have one.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Not telling mine, but how does she help you?

SPEAKER_02 28:16

Um, I guess like she makes me more confident in myself, you know, like not to buy into other people's, you know, negativity, you know. Like I'm I'm living my life. If if you're bothered by my life, then a life of joy and positivity and beautiful dancing. Yeah, exactly. It's it's it's not my fault that you're bothered. Like go work on yourself. Yeah. For real.

unknown 28:42

For real.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Um, what are some things that your culture has brought you that like bring you joy? What is helping you thrive in your recovery?

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Um, honestly, like right now, what keeps me going is my my kids. Yes. Like they're they're my joy now. Like everything I do, I think about them now. So like, so when I come to these places like this podcast, like I I speak and I act the way I want my daughter to be when she's older. So, so there's stuff like that. And um yeah, I'm just a lot happier now, you know. I'm not depressed anymore. Yeah. And um, I'm happy with my life now. Like when I was in that stage, um, I was very depressed. Like I didn't I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. And now moving forward, now I know I know what to do with my life now. I have this gift to give to others to help them and to inspire them. Because I didn't have that growing up. I didn't have that inspiration because there's not many natives in a spotlight that you can look up to. So but there's also like that underlying feeling of like that pressure. But um because it does feel like a big spotlight. Yes, yeah. Especially within the native community. You know, I'm learning every day, I'm bettering myself every day. You know, you have when you wake up, you have the choice to be better.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

I'm very grateful to be in this position and very honored that I have these experiences like this right now to be able to use my voice and my platform in the right way and uh to speak I guess my past traumas and help others.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

Yeah. How like as somebody who is like working through their past traumas from your experience, what what has that process been like? There's a lot of people, especially in the native community, that that have dealt with generational trauma. The words that you speak and the intention that you have is to break those cycles for your daughter and for other people. That's absolutely incredible. But how have you like found that strength to do that?

SPEAKER_02 31:06

You know, I always think about my ancestors. Like they've been through so much colonization, um, being displaced from their their homes. They've been through fighting with the governments to keep the culture and their language.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

They're still this isn't stuff from a hundred years ago. This is stuff very recent.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

Sixty, sixty years ago. And honestly, still happening, but like in a modernized way. Um, but yeah, I just think about what they've been been through and like if they've been through that, then I can go through this.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

You know? What words of encouragement do you have for people uh think back to you on the res but previously struggling, but maybe not even knowing it. What is a piece of advice that you would give her and people like her?

SPEAKER_02 32:02

To follow their heart. Yeah. I feel like following your heart is very powerful because your heart is the one that I guess moves you. You're it it basically gives you life, right? Yeah. And um when you listen to your heart, uh it's always the right choice.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

What has sobriety given you as a mother that you didn't think was possible before?

SPEAKER_02 32:28

Being sober and being there for my daughter, you know, like is very being present.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

Um I'm glad I'm able to be there for her and give her guidance and uh give her strength.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Yeah. She's in the culture as well. You shared the culture with her.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Yes, of course. Yes, good, good. She knows about smudging. Yeah, I smudge at home and she already knows what to do. And um I'm just slowly introducing her to the Powell lifestyle because it's been a while. Yeah. I'm trying to make her regalia right now. You're making it? Yeah. It's beautiful. I've just been putting it on hold because I've been so busy. Yeah, it takes a lot of time. Yeah. Yeah. And usually I get invited out to Powow's, and um, I would love to take her, but like sometimes it's just like too much because there's so many people that come up that come up and say hi, and like I always had to be on work mode.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

And uh I'll probably bring her to Powow's soon. That was incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your story. We really appreciate it. Um, where can people follow you? Share all the socials.

SPEAKER_02 33:45

Um, you can follow me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Uh, my handle is indigenous underscore Baddy. Yes, and yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Well, thank you again, and thank you all for joining us on today's episode of Recovery Cast. We'll catch you next time. This episode was hosted by Brittany Bahnard, produced by Sam Roberts, production assistants and editing by Max Olmsted, and booking and travel by Riley Whalen. RecoveryCast is in production of recovery.com.