Newlywed Life and Faith

 In this episode, Clare and Candice welcome Allison Oliver to share the highs, surprises, and sweet moments of newlywed life. From how she met her husband to the quirks of adjusting to married life—think house rules and beige flags—we cover it all with plenty of laughs. We also dive into how faith plays a role in their relationship and the special influence of being sealed in the temple. Join us for a fun and heartfelt conversation from a fresh perspective on marriage! 

Show notes and shoutouts:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2465200

(click under transcript for references)

Transcript

Fair Use & Disclaimer
This podcast episode may contain brief quotes from external sources, used in a positive and respectful manner for discussion, education, and commentary. These references fall under fair use as they are not used for commercial gain, do not replace the original works, and are presented with proper context and attribution.

The views and opinions expressed in this episode are our own and those of our guests. They do not necessarily reflect the official doctrine, beliefs, or positions of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Show notes and Shoutouts:

Want to learn more about temples? 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples?lang=eng

Book and Podcast suggestions: Intimacy and marriage

-          And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment by Laura Brotherson

-          Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett 

-          Thechristiansexeducator.com

-          Sex for Saints, with Life Coach Amanda Louder

Transcript

Candice Buchanan welcome to the Sisters Podcast, I'm Candice.

Clare Craner I'm Clare.

Candice Buchanan On our podcast, we will cover- what we do to strengthen our testimonies as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Every other week we're going to either be talking with just the two of us on a gospel topic or we're going to be interviewing someone. Today we are interviewing a newlywed because we want to interview a variety of people in different stages of life, and who are facing different challenges. I'm excited to talk to a Newlywed because that's such a happy time in life. Clarissa, do you want to introduce her?

Clare Craner Yes. Well, today we have our amazing guest, Allison. She is the oldest of four kids and grew up in Houston, Texas. After moving around a bit, she eventually graduated high school in Portland, Oregon. She's an avid pianist, a ski enthusiast, and loves spending time outdoors. After her freshman year at BYU, she took a break to serve a Spanish-speaking mission in Atlanta, Georgia, an experience that deepened her love for language and communication. She is back at BYU as a junior studying communication disorders, she's on the path to becoming a speech language pathologist specializing in bilingual therapy. And in an exciting milestone, she and her husband, Carson, were sealed in the Payson Utah Temple this past December.

Candice Buchanan Since we have a newlywed on the podcast, we thought it'd be a perfect chance to dive into what those first months of marriage are really like, expectations versus reality, the funny moments, the lessons learned, and how faith plays a role in building a strong foundation. Okay, so let's start with a light icebreaker, Allison, if your marriage so far were a movie title, what would it be?

Allison Craner Ooh, that is a great question, it might take me a moment to think about this one. I feel like I'm not as well versed in movies as I should be, but the thing that first comes to mind is- Fast and Furious, I feel like that sounds silly, this sounds silly, but even though it's been a couple months, things have already just, time has passed right on by, we've been keeping ourselves busy. I know that movie also has a family theme as well, I think. It's been a while since I've seen it.

Candice Buchanan I know I haven't seen all of those, but I like the title. You're justin a whirlwind right now. It's a good whirlwind, right?

Allison Craner Yes, of course. It's a great whirlwind.

Candice Buchanan Okay. So I love a love story. I'm really a sucker for love stories. I mean, a lot of people are down on romances and I'm, I've never stopped loving them. So tell us, how did you meet your husband?

Allison Craner My husband and I, we met the first week of freshman year at BYU. Um, I had a mutual friend who was in my mission prep class with me and The second day of class in walks my friend and my husband, my future husband. At the time, I just looked up at him thinking, oh, this is just another random guy that my friend's interested in. To be honest, he looked a little bit scary, like no smiles, very menacing. I'm kind of a short person. He's very tall. I was a little intimidated but after we hung out a couple more times, I got to meet some of his friends. I realized he was actually really kind, really nice, super charming, and we just hit it off. So we just started dating and dated for that whole freshman year.

Candice Buchanan That's nice.

Clare Craner So random that you met your future husband your freshman year.

Allison Craner I know, super random. The first week of school, even, it was just right off the bat. I never really expected that for myself, and I even told myself I wasn't gonna get a serious boyfriend, you know, freshman year before my mission, but... It just so happened to work out that way.

Candice Buchanan How long did you hang out before he asked you out?

Allison Craner I would say we hung out for about a month and a half. Kind of went on some casual dates, group dates before we officially started dating at the end of October that year. We met at the very end of August and then started dating at the end of October.

Candice Buchanan Okay. Nice. Were there any funny or like unexpected moments at the beginning?

Allison Craner I think some unexpected moments were just kind of learning all of his random skills I like to think that he's the secret renaissance man and he just has so many Random skills like yo-yo and skiing and Legos and card games He's good at everything he does, basically, so the list never ends.

Candice Buchanan Tell us about the proposal. 

Allison Craner Ooh, this is a funny story. So, I am the most gullible person on the planet, I've decided. Even though we had picked out the ring together and I knew the proposal was coming, I did not see it coming at all when he asked me, hey, let's go up on a drive to Sundance, it's super nice weather and the colors are nice. And me thinking, you know, this is just a normal, nice thing to do. I was like, oh, sure, this is great. And we get up there and we're chatting and I'm kind of ranting about all the school things and work things going on and he's saying so many nice things about me and I'm like, oh, he's so kind. Just, this is the best, and then, sure enough, he gets down on one knee eventually and proposes. I was shocked, to say the least, even though, you know, it's coming at me in broad daylight. It was a super special moment.

Candice Buchanan Did you cry?

Allison Craner Yeah. I did definitely cry. Bald, embarrassingly. I'm glad no one else was there to film it or see me, but yeah.

Candice Buchanan I'm super gullible too. I believe in anything. And when my husband proposed, he told me we were going to go pick some people up at a dock. We were at Lake Powell. After he proposed, I was like, okay, this is really great, but we're going to have to go pick up those friends. Like, that was obviously a lie.

Allison Craner So funny. That's awesome.

Clare Craner I love that. Well, that is a great love story. It's so cute. 

Candice Buchanan Wait, I have a question though. You met him before you went on your mission. Were you dating before you left on the mission? And then did he write you?

Allison Craner So we dated freshman year, both left on our missions at the same time and we continued to write each other while we were both serving. That was really awesome to be able to grow obviously as a person individually, but see each other, I guess, also grow and experience hard things and overcome challenges. And that was a really, really awesome part of our relationship there. 

Candice Buchanan I guess that would be nice because in a unique way you're both serving so you're both focusing on the same thing even though you're a couple because usually it's like one person's on a mission and the other person's home so it's kind of nice you could encourage each other while you're kind of experiencing somewhat similar things.

Allison Craner Yeah, the empathy, you know, we were able to sympathize with each other going kind of through the same challenges or difficult mission things, so it was definitely a blessing in disguise, I guess I could say.

Candice Buchanan Nice.

Clare Craner Did you got home before he did, so how far apart-did you guys end up waiting for each other?

Allison Craner Yeah, so I got home eight months before he did. I came back, went to school, while he was finishing up. Yeah, it was, it was a wait. And it was a little tough, but it worked out in the end. It was definitely worth it.

Clare Craner Well, moving on to newlywed life, let's get into some deeper questions. What do youthink the biggest adjustment or challenges are so far?

Allison Craner The biggest adjustment or challenge.

Clare Craner Big or small?

Allison Craner I would say, big or small, okay. I would say one of the funny things is remembering that I'm buying groceries and cooking for two people instead of just one person.

Clare Craner Oh, okay.

Allison Craner Especially, because I'm a smaller person. I feel like I don't or I definitely don't eat as much as my husband does and so I'll have to remember when I'm at the store and I see the total prize like, oh my gosh, this is so much money. Then I realized it's okay, it's for two people now and not just me. That's been kind of funny. And then just doing dishes for two people too. Sometimes I overestimate or underestimate, I guess, how long I need to spend on doing that, but that's just been an adjustment.

Clare Craner Does your newlywed apartment, does it have a dishwasher? 

Allison Craner Our newlywed apartment does not have a dishwasher. I know that's the next upgrade after this apartment. We're telling ourselves dishwasher soon.

Candice Buchanan We had that problem, when we lived in California, we didn't have a dishwasher. My husband always jokes, he's like, well, I have a dishwasher. I'm like, okay, no. I don't think so.

Clare Craner No, no, no.

Allison Craner No, no. I know. Sometimes he'll like to pull that joke on me and I say, well, it's a good thing you're here home more than I am. You can take care of the dishes.

Clare Craner It looks like you'll be having the couch tonight.

Allison Craner Yeah, exactly.

Clare Craner  I remember for Darrin and I, we were getting used to how to disagree with each other, and we had like a huge adjustment, I would just not want to talk right away and he would. And so sometimes, I'd be like, fine, I'm going to go sleep on the couch. Then he'd come and just be like, fine, then I'm sleeping on the couch too.

Candice Buchanan That is so good for you. I've never heard that story before, but you were always, Clare was the worst when you were little. She would just not want to talk if she was mad. She was the best at the silent treatment, and I would want to just talk right away. That's really so good for you to have Darri-n to just be like, nope, we're talking about this. Let's talk about it!

Clare Craner I know, it really was. I remember another time: I was.. I just need to cool off. So, I went and got in my car, then he went(followed me) and stood behind it so I couldn’t drive away.

Allison Craner That is so funny.

Clare Craner So learning how to disagree was our big challenge.

Allison Craner Yeah. I would say I'm definitely more of the talker in this situation. I do the same. I just... keep on talking and talking and, you know, sometimes I realize I don't stop talking, sooo.

Clare Craner I love that. What about, has there been any, funny realizations that you didn't know? Like, I never knew someone could do this or I didn't know that this would happen or...

Allison Craner Let's see, funny realizations. So far, I think the funniest thing that I have  been noticing are, little ways where my husband has outperformed me. For example, I guess I pride myself, maybe I shouldn't, but on taking long showers, it's like my only time of day I have to myself. You know, especially in the wintertime here in Utah, it's nice to be warm, but I never knew someone could take longer in the shower than myself. I can, and now we're without hot water, which is a big challenge. That was a funny realization, to realize I married myself, I guess, in that aspect. I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, I guess.

Clare Craner I love that. Do you guys have any house rules where, you didn't realize it but something would happen? Like, I didn't realize that Darrin... really needs to be able to control the thermostat. It's just his thing. And he's like, you can always put on more clothes, but you can't get more naked. Sooo, the house has to be cooler.

Allison Craner I would say if there are house rules, they're all for me. I'm very much a very needy person. I guess, when it comes to things I need in the house. For example, I really like having plants in the house, so it's a rule that the window has to be open in the living room every day before one of us leavees so my plants can get the sun. Then I always need Costco orange juice in the house. It is my comfort. I don't know, but he is very easygoing, and I would say other than that, we don't have any established rules so far. We'll see as time goes on.

Clare Craner I do love Costco orange juice. It's a good one.

Candice Buchanan I actually have never tried it, but now I'm going to.

Clare Craner Sometimes I hide them in my outside fridge hoping that my kids don't find out.

Allison Craner I feel like I'm gonna become that as a mom someday.

Candice Buchanan I've been making my own ginger shots lately with orange juice, because ginger shots are supposed to be good for you, but they're super expensive. I'm like, I can just make that myself with some orange juice and I put some either vinegar or lemon juice and then ginger in it. And I think it works the same. 

Allison That sounds good.

Candice Buchanan It tastes horrible though.

Clare Craner So I think that's more of a red flag, not a green flag.

Allison Craner Ha, ha, ha.

Candice Buchanan I'll put it in a little glass and Kayle(husband) will look at me like, what is wrong with you? Like, are you okay?

Clare Craner a warning sign. Leave!

Candice Buchanan Well, he's in it now, so too late.

Allison Craner Too late.

Clare Craner Oh my gosh. Allison, have you seen those Instagram or Facebook where it's like, do they have a red flag or a beige flag or something funny like that?

Allison Craner Yes, I get those all the time. I see those a lot.

Clare Craner I know. Do you think, what would your green flag or beige flag or something be?

Candice Buchanan Also explain what it is because I didn't know this, maybe I'm just old, but explain what a beige and green flag are for other people.

Clare Craner Well, a red flag is a warning sign, like, this is a problem. You wouldn't want to date someone or marry someone that had, a huge red flag, obviously.

Candice Buchanan Yeah, I think most people know what red flag is, but I don't think people know what the beige or the green ones.

Clare Craner A beige flag is just something quirky or just a little unusual. It's just something funny, really.

Allison Craner Mm-hmm.

Clare Craner So maybe

Allison Craner Okay.

Clare Craner your beige flag would be your weird ginger shots. It's not a deal breaker, but it's a little off.

Allison Craner I would say for me, my... My green flag, let's see. I actually really love- I know we were talking about doing dishes earlier, but I really the dishes and- Being there with my headphones on and just taking that time to just relax. I think, I don't know, maybe that's a green flag or a beige flag. Let me think of a better example.

Clare Craner my beige flag would be, I drink a Mountain Dew at ten at night with a melatonin. Darrin's like, that's called an upper and a downer. You shouldn't do that.

Allison Craner I think my red flag is, I wait until the very last second to do my laundry. Like, until it's critical. Like, I need more clothes and I just procrastinate it so bad. It's really bad. yeah.

Candice Buchanan Then there any green flags about your husband that you didn't realize but you're like, oh, wow, this is awesome about him after marrying him?

Allison Craner Yeah. I've noticed recently that he actually never speeds on the freeway. It's very rare that he breaks the speed limit, and I didn't realize that before, but... I definitely consider that a green flag. Now after being married to him, I have that peace of mind, like, okay, I know he's not gonna be crazy on the freeway, and that's really nice.

Candice Buchanan Also, I feel like there's kind of some crazy drivers in Utah, so that's really nice.

Allison Craner I agree. There are some crazies out there. I think those crazies are me, honestly. I think it's really Carson just avoiding me on the road.

Candice Buchanan Okay, so let's move on to faith and marriage. So how has being sealed in the temple influenced your relationship?

Allison Craner I'm actually really excited to talk about this. It's been on my mind quite a bit recently. I've been able to go to the temple a little bit, and just kind of, I don't know, reflect in my mind how my life has changed since I've been married. And kind of like any covenant, obviously there are associated blessings, but at least in the past couple months, I've been able to see In myself and in my spouse that we've been just enabled to do more and to be more than we have been in the past. I feel like I, through obviously the enabling power of the atonement, and just being able to repent and forgive each other, I've been able to become a better person, honestly. Even just have more energy and strength to get through school, through work. I've really been able to see literally the added energy and... patience that I've seen in my life recently, I guess for for me and I hope for Carson too, but does that make sense?

Candice Buchanan Yeah,

Allison Craner Hopefully. Yeah.

Candice Buchanan it does. That's sweet. And I feel like it's also, it's nice having, I don't know, I feel like I felt comforted after I was married. It's like, oh, I have somebody. It's like, I always have somebody in my corner, which was just a thing that I didn't realize I would feel so thankful for after I got married.

Clare Craner  I always think of the eternal perspective like it's cool that when you're in high school or younger relationships- you're just like- maybe we break up, like not a big deal, it's not a huge commitment, you know? But, then when you're married in the temple and you hear the word or think eternity, you want to try harder Making sure that you're both giving it your all.

Allison Craner Yeah, I would completely agree. Knowing that someone else is willing to make that level of commitment really allows me to open up and be vulnerable and to fully trust them. Kind of how you were saying like we're working towards a common goal. That's long-term eternity worth and it's just, it's very comforting. I would agree with you.

Clare Craner Yeah.

Candice Buchanan Nice. So, when it comes to doing church things, do you like to do church things separate or together as a couple? Has that changed as you got married with scripture study, prayer, going to the temple? 

Allison Craner Yeah, I would say it has changed a little bit, but it's been great. We are able to do daily prayer together. Pray for each other and kind of ask each other, you know, what's something I can pray for- for you today? That's been really nice. Unfortunately, sometimes our schedules don't overlap well enough to study the scriptures every day together, but we do strive and try hard to do the Come Follow Me study or kind of just like a review together on Sunday. I would say apart from that, we study personally on our own individually, maybe in between classes, but then I would say, I think something that we've really enjoyed has been going to the temple together.

Candice Buchanan Do you try to go like, once a month or anything like that? Or do you just go whenever because you guys are busy students right now?

Allison Craner Unfortunately right now we just try to go when we can.

Candice Buchanan All right.

Allison Craner Especially here in Utah, and I know this shouldn't defer people, but it's kind of hard to get a spot at the temple. So many people reserve the spots here. We try our best to stay on top of scheduling those for sure.

Clare Craner I'm impressed because we're driving down to Utah tomorrow and I know it's totally last minute, but I was trying to make some baptism reservations for my kids to go. And I was like, (oh, they have a... Ward goal for the youth and they try to get so many or just go to so many temples in a year). We should go to some Utah temples as we're driving through. I literally looked at ten different temples and they were all full for every single time.

Clare Craner I was so impressed. I mean, I know it was only twenty-four hours in advance, but that's still super impressive that there was zero openings.

Candice Buchanan Yeah. I feel like young kids are so good. The younger generation is so good about going to the temple. Like, all they do is baptisms, but I feel they go way more than people our age did. I don't know. That's just people we know.

Clare Craner Yeah, my older son, he goes every Wednesday and they wake up at five a.m. to go.

Candice Buchanan That's so awesome.

Allison Craner That is awesome.

Clare Craner I am still not that mature. So, so impressive. 

Allison Craner I know, and all those kids have grown up and now they're all college students, Claire, and now they're taking all the spots. It's crazy.

Candice Buchanan Uh.

Clare Craner I know, its people like you stop it. 😊

Allison Craner I know! I know! It's crazy down here! But they're building more temples, so it should hopefully in the next couple years get a little bit easier,

Candice Buchanan So what advice would you give other couples preparing for temple marriage?

Allison Craner Well, since we were talking about temple attendance just fairly, I think my first piece of advice would be to make the temple your dream venue to get married in. You know, on your wedding day, things are crazy and so much planning went into it. There's probably some anxiety and stress and I would just say if you made an effort to make the temple your safe space where you can really feel the spirit. You felt God's love for you there before and you just are comfortable. There, it makes a huge difference. I know it did for me especially. Things were crazy just with trying to get everything done on time, but as soon as I walked into the temple, and Carson was there. It was just so peaceful because the temple was my happy place. It's where I go to find refuge and feel peace. So I would just say go as much as you can before and make it, make it your dream venue to get married in.

Candice Buchanan Yes.

Clare Craner I really love that because especially when you're getting married, I mean, there's just so much stress involved with that anyways. Just planning and making sure, all the little unimportant things, I guess, but it seems important. I think for me, I had such a hard time because I didn't go on a mission. I went to the temple just once before we got married and was super overwhelmed and I wasn't as prepared. I obviously should have taken a temple prep class and I would have done stuff differently now, looking back.I think that's such a good thing to remember and to say that was your whole goal is for this temple marriage. So, be at peace or just take that one stress off of your mind and being able to just be more aware and be present. That was your whole goal and the whole purpose.

Allison Craner Yeah.

Candice Buchanan Also, I think it's comforting to have that peace if you show up and you see your future spouse there and you feel that peace, I feel like it's a good sign that it's a good omen for your marriage and you feel peace and clarity in the temple. When there are any outside distractions, and I feel like maybe we should talk about this before but who you marry is such a huge deal so you should pray about it. And I probably should have asked this earlier, but did you pray about that when he proposed to you to know he was the one or did you just like automatically already knew?

Allison Craner that's a great question. Yeah, so we made sure that we each took time to find that answer, receive that revelation for ourselves. When we were kind of just talking about getting married and deciding that was the way to go, that's when we kind of sought for that revelation. So this is before... we had picked out the ring or anything, but it was just, you know, any other day we had talked about it, prayed about it, and we had both received an answer, and then we said, okay, we're gonna do this. So then at that point for us, we moved forward with wedding planning and ring and temple date and stuff like that.

Candice Buchanan That's the ideal. That's how it should be. I just hear some stories of people who got proposed and they were excited, but then they had started having doubts and questions and felt like it wasn't the right thing or like broke off. For good reasons.

Allison Craner Yeah.

Candice Buchanan It's so important when you're making a big decision like that to pray about it because you can also just easily get swept up in love and happiness, but it's an important question to ask God.

Allison Craner Yeah, for sure. Definitely before you plan to get married. Also for me too, throughout our relationship, I would not overdo it, but at some point to check in and seek revelation, like, is this, you know, am I on the right path?

Candice Buchanan Mm-hmm.

Allison Craner How can I improve my relationship? Are things going well? So I think even before you... really get down to the final question, you know, you can always seek revelation for those kinds of things in my opinion.

Candice Buchanan I love that you mentioned that you both prayed separately about it because even if

Allison Craner Yes.

Candice Buchanan you're both feeling good, like you each got your own personal answer about it.

Allison Craner Yeah, that was a big deal.

Candice Buchanan So what has been, I mean, we kind of talked this a little bit, but what has been the biggest adjustment to being married?

Allison Craner The biggest adjustment to being married... for me personally... it's in some aspects, I've had to overcome a couple of my long-standing fears as a person. Personally, I have always been the person that thinks I can do this on my own. I don't need anyone else to help me. Like, I got this. I'm just gonna help everyone else. Now being married, I have to get over my fear of asking for help. Sometimes when I'm struggling and sometimes it's a hard, hard thing for me to do, sometimes in some situations it can hurt my pride and over time I've been able to get better at it, but at the beginning it was hard. So that was an adjustment, for sure was being able to feel okay, trusting someone in that way to help me out when I was you know, not doing well or needing, needing a little bit of extra support.

Candice Buchanan Are you getting better at asking for it or does he have to notice it and be like, okay, do you need help right now? Because I think that's going to be hard just, just communication is hard.

Allison Craner Yeah, I would say the communication thing has goes hand in hand with that. So I have to be better about asking. Then he has to be better about maybe noticing. Um, there's a mutual effort there, I guess you could say, for that.

Candice Buchanan I don't know about you, but I think it's, it's common, at least with my friends, you can chime in Clare, it tends to be more like women try to want the husband to guess what they're thinking.

Allison Craner Mm-hmm.

Clare Craner Mm-hmm.

Candice Buchanan And sometimes you have to just be like, this is what I need. This is what I want from you. Then I feel like at least with my husband, but if you can't read my mind, I have to tell him.

Clare Craner I feel bad saying that, but I do feel like naturally women are just maybe more intuitive or have that vibe a little bit better than guys do. And it really is, it's funny to be like, isn't this obvious? But it's like, no, it's not. Even if you think it is. Example: So it's like, no, I tucked her in tonight. It's your turn. go. You're forgetting your job right now. But they mean well, they're just like, “oh, I didn't realize it.”, you know, but it is hard to be vulnerable and ask for help, that's a hard thing to do.

Allison Craner I guess in a situation where I've never had a person to function in that capacity before right next to me. It's just also new. So something that people have to learn. I have to learn how to do it. 

Candice Buchanan I remember before I was married, I was working somewhere. I think it was a temp job. And the guy I was talking to, he was prepared to go on a date with his wife or something. He's like, you know, it's funny because you think marriage would be so easy because I just had this buddy and friend but when you get married you learn, oh, you still have to work on things and you still question sometimes what they're thinking or how they're feeling and you do have that comfort of being married, but it also requires constant work. It's like, okay, that's probably good to hear before getting married and just going in with that mindset.

Allison Craner Yeah. I would say one of the biggest pieces of advice that my parents gave me was to- they would tell me to remember it's not all Rainbows and sunshine and butterflies all the time. It's a relationship that requires a lot of effort and work. And I think both of us going in with that mindset that it was going to take our time and our energy and our efforts to maintain and to build. I think that was a really helpful piece of advice to start out with, kind of like how you were saying.

Candice Buchanan Are there any books that you recommend for married transition or books that have helped you that you've read?

Allison Craner Oddly enough, the- one of the things that people gifted to us for our wedding was- it was the same book, and it was- and they were not ashamed by- I can't remember her name, I think it's Laura Brotherson, but it's about intimacy in marriage and I think that was probably a great gift, a great book that I would recommend. Um, being able to approach that topic with your fiance or your husband, I think is really important. I would say that was a really helpful book. Other than that, I don't have very many other books in my apartment, oddly enough. 

Candice Buchanan I've heard that book from lots of people, but I actually haven't read it. But it seems like, I mean, just having good communication about that would seem like a very good book to read. Just having a good mindset about it. I, one book that I've actually started reading now, it's called Permission to Feel, and it's not necessarily a marriage book at all, but I feel like because communication is so important, I feel like it's been such a good book to read and I think sometimes people have a hard time being vulnerable and in marriage you have to be so allowing yourself to feel all the emotions helps you, when you're not suppressing anything, it helps you deal with everything better And then also, I love Brene Brown, which talks about vulnerability just in general. even though they are not marriage books, I just think emotional health is good for our relationships.

Allison Craner No, yeah, it's totally related. That's awesome. I'll have to put those on my list.

Candice Buchanan They are great. You should do that.

Clare Craner I'll have to link another book because I remember talking to a couple, uh, some more newlyweds and they all recommended, it seemed like the same type of book, a sex book for newlyweds and they all loved it. And there's rave reviews about it. And I love that people are now more open about it compared to maybe our parents age where it was just not as open.

Candice Buchanan There was, I don't know if it's still going or not, but I know a couple years ago there was a podcast called Sex for Saints. It was a woman who she, I think, she is a sex therapist. Or something like that and she's an active member of the church and she would just interview couples and they would talk openly about it. Which I think was, I mean, a really good thing for people to listen too.

Allison Craner There’sanother podcast that my husband and I listened to when we were engaged that, one of our, well, a person that we're closest to recommended and it's kind of a similar type of setup. There's a lady who's a sex therapist, sex research person, and she does a podcast. I think her website is thechristiansexeducator.com. but we really enjoyed that as well. I think kind of what you guys were saying, just being educated and being able to approach that with your spouse.

Clare Craner Yes, listen to it together or separately and be like, oh, do you like what she said? Or, how do you feel about this? And then it kind of opens the door for conversation.

Allison Craner This person was really good- even in the podcast talking about the questions that you can ask and it was great. We would listen to it on our own and then you know, have a conversation later together on how we were doing with the podcast and what we were thinking and then going through those questions. And it was just great, like you said, to get comfortable talking about tha, in a healthy and appropriate way at that time.

Clare Craner Yeah, I really love that. That's awesome. Very nice. All right, well. I think we adequately covered faith in marriage and I've loved listening to just how you're handling things. I'm so impressed. I have some fun, lighthearted, rapid fire questions that I'm going to ask you that you can't think about. 

Allison Craner Okay, I'm gonna try my best.

Clare Craner All right, let's do this, Allison. Who's the better cook?

Allison Craner I'm gonna have to say I'm the better cook, unfortunately, sorry, Carson.

Clare Craner Signature dish.

Allison Craner Oh, okay, so that's a little hard. I'm in my cooking era, I guess people could say. I like to, I'm in my cooking era, I like to try a lot of things, but I can do pretty good Hispanic Mexican beans and rice and tacos and things along that variety.

Clare Craner Who takes longer to get ready for church?

Allison Craner That's definitely me. That's a no-brainer. I take so long and I am just slow, slow moving in the morning. 

Clare Craner Alright, what is the funniest thing you've disagreed about so far?

Allison Craner oh, I know. One funny thing that I didn't know people did is they used the buttons on the microwave for their intended purpose, like reheat, or popcorn, or vegetables, or pizza. My family, it is just, you just guess the time and you become,- it's like an art. You stand by the microwave and you're guessing the time and you become proud of your ability to do that. He's just very like, I'm just gonna hit “Hit” the popcorn button for popcorn and that's it. I think that's horrible. I think that's against the law.

Clare Craner that's a lot of faith in that microwave.

Allison Craner I know, that's what I'm saying. Like, what if it burns? I don't know. That's, we disagree about that.

Clare Craner Oh my gosh, that is too funny. What's something small that your spouse does that makes you smile?

Allison Craner Let's see. One thing that's made me smile is how organized he is compared to me. He's very great at putting the silverware back in the right slot, whether it's a spoon or a knife or a fork, and he's just so organized and clean, and it makes me smile because I'm less, less of that. He's making me look bad, but I still smile.

Clare Craner Now this is a funny one, but if your spouse or if you had a theme song, what would it be?

Allison Craner Oh no. You know, I'm a music person. This is so hard.

Clare Craner I know, that's why I was wondering if you would know.

Allison Craner Okay. I would say I think it's easier to think of Carson's. I think Carson's theme song right now, I don't know if you guys have heard the “Ain't No Love in Oklahoma” song from Twisters.

Candice Buchanan yes.

Clare Craner yes.

Allison Craner That was a big, huge song. He, he didn't grow up in Texas or in the South, but his family now lives there and he has adopted that mantra, or he's trying too, I guess, so I always think that's his, that's his theme.

Clare Craner What about you if you had one?

Allison Craner Oh man, that is really hard.

Clare Craner Would it be piano like or would it be something different like John Denver?

Allison Craner I think it would have to be a Killers song. I've loved the Killers. I grew up listening to it with my dad. If I had to put one on there... I'm just gonna say... Um, Read My Mind by The Killers. Because I'm always wanting someone to read my mind. I love that song. I think it's great. It's a good one.

Candice Buchanan All right. Riss, could you think of a theme song for yourself?

Clare Craner I couldn't think of one for me, but I was trying to think about one for Darrin and for fun, I went on chat GBT (typed in) someone that's MacGyver like or someone that gets injured a lot and they came up with some funny suggestions. Anyways, I love Coheed and Cambria, the band, so I'm thinking of one of their songs.

Allison Craner That's awesome.

Candice Buchanan Okay, so with the closing thoughts, if you could give one piece of advice to newlyweds, what would it be, big or small? It doesn't have to be big

Allison Craner Ooh, my biggest piece of advice, or just one piece of advice. I would say my piece of advice would be to make your marriage your own. I think there's maybe a tendency to compare maybe how you're doing to other couples, especially with social media. Or maybe from other outside sources like family or friends. I think just, you know, making sure that you and your spouse are making it really for yourself. Starting new traditions, exploring new things, and not worrying about what other people have to say. As long as you are working together with your spouse and with Heavenly Father, I think, I think you can't do too much wrong. 

Candice Buchanan That's a fantastic answer. I love that answer.

Clare Craner Yeah, make it your own. Yes.

Candice Buchanan Yeah. Like that's what's applicable all the time. Even after you've been married for a long time, that's still very applicable because it's so easy to look sideways and you don't know anybody else's life. Just focus on what works for you and what's good for you.

Allison Craner Yeah, especially here in, I'm here in Provo and there are so many people in my stage of life, sometimes I have to remind myself it's okay that I'm not, you know, in the same place or doing the same thing as somebody else.

Clare Craner That's a great outlook. 

Candice Buchanan So how has marriage strengthened your testimony? Or has it? 

Allison Craner Let me start off by saying yes. It has. I can confidently say it has, definitely. I feel like you know, growing up in church, they put such a big emphasis on marriage and family, and it's what you're taught growing up, what you hear about all the time, and you develop this preconception of what that's like, but it really is all that it's made up to be. It is so far, the thing that has brought me the most joy and peace and happiness. It's grown my testimony to know that a loving Heavenly Father places emphasis on that because he knows us so well and he knows that's what will make us happy and he's engineered and designed ways for us to be with the people that we love forever. That's just been a huge testimony builder for me.

Candice Buchanan I love that, it made me, I'm sorry if this is getting off topic at all, but hearing that made me think of- have you ever read the book What Alice Forgot?

Allison Craner No,

Clare Craner Yes.

Allison Craner I've never read it.

Candice Buchanan You kind of start the story and she has basically a type of amnesia where she just forgot the last five years of her life. So she is about to get divorced, but then she forgets the last five years of her life. So, she's still really in love with her husband. And she's oh, I get a happy newlywed phase. And then she learns that I don't know what things are fighting about or whatever. It has a happy ending, but it just makes me think everybody starts out this way at the beginning of marriage. You always start out with happiness and great expectations and it's- you lose your focus. Some people lose the focus along the way. So, it's like what are the little things you can do when you're starting out? To keep that focus the same and I think it's so important to just continually work on your marriage to keep that togetherness. Like go to the temple together. Make sure you're doing things together and you're heading in the right direction- instead of heading in opposite directions slowly over time. I don't know, does that make sense?

Allison Craner Yeah, yeah, I love that.

Candice Buchanan Anyway, you sound so awesome, and your husband sounds so awesome. I'm so happy that we interviewed you for the newlywed one because I love your thoughts and I think you guys sound really great together, but... Do you have any other final thoughts or shout outs?

Allison Craner Um, first to shout out to you guys. You guys have been so kind. Um, I'm just like everyone else as a newlywed. I've definitely got my fair share of challenges, but I really appreciate those kind words. I think my shout outs would just be obvious to my awesome husband. He's taught me a lot about myself, which has been amazing. And then also to my parents and my parents-in-law for raising just a great person, And, Carson. And then also to my parents for sacrificing so much for me. I definitely would not be here if it wasn't for them and how they modeled healthy marriage for me. That's been a great blessing.

Candice Buchanan Awesome, something I didn't even think to ask before but that's great to hear that you have good in-laws too because it's always nice to have a good situation in that area as well.

Allison Craner Yeah, they're great. I love them.

Candice Buchanan Nice.

Clare Craner See you

Candice Buchanan All

Clare Craner next time.

Candice Buchanan right. Well, thank you so much for joining us. 

Clare Craner I found a quote, this is in Genesis, Chapter two, verse twenty-four: It says, “therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.”

To me, Allison and Carson, you guys are heading on the right path and I love your advice and it seems like you are having so much fun on this new adventure and I'm so happy for you guys. I'm glad that it's going well and that you guys, are learning from each other and  can just feel the love from you guys, and I love that. So I just want to say thank you guys so much for listening. I'm Clare.

Candice Buchanan I'm Candice