Family Transitions: Preparing to send a Missionary

In this episode, we dive into what the family transition to missionary service really looks like. We talk mission prep from both spiritual and practical angles, covering self-reliance, managing expectations, emotional readiness, and the logistics. We also gathered advice from families who have been through it: what worked, what didn’t, and what they wish they’d known before drop-off day. Whether your missionary leaves next week or you’re just starting to think ahead, this conversation is full of faith-filled insights to help your family navigate the journey. 

Show notes and references:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2465200

(click under transcript)

Transcript

Fair Use & Disclaimer
This podcast episode may contain brief quotes from external sources, used in a positive and respectful manner for discussion, education, and commentary. These references fall under fair use as they are not used for commercial gain, do not replace the original works, and are presented with proper context and attribution.

The views and opinions expressed in this episode are our own and those of our guests. They do not necessarily reflect the official doctrine, beliefs, or positions of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Show notes and shoutouts: (clickable links below)

Missionary helpful resources: application, portal etc.

Missionary Stats of 2023

Full-time teaching missionaries: 67,871

Senior service missionaries: 27,801

Young service missionaries: 3,884

Missions: 414

References:

Uchtdorf: “Missionary Work: Sharing What Is in Your Heart”

Transcript:

Clare Craner:

Welcome! This is a podcast where we focus on faith as active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I’m Clare.

Candice Buchanan:
I’m Candice. Today, we’re talking about the transition for young adults going from family life to serving a mission. What does that look like when you're preparing to go?

We’ve interviewed several people about their experiences, both family members and returned missionaries. We asked what they did to prepare their child for a mission, what worked well, advice they’d give to others, what to expect, and what they might do differently if they had to do it again.

There are so many mission-related topics. While I was researching this, I realized there are lots of different angles we could take. But for today, we’re focusing specifically on the transition from family life to mission life—how to prepare for it, and how family and siblings can help support that transition.

Clare Craner:
I was looking up stats on the Church’s website, and I thought these were pretty cool. The latest ones from the Church Newsroom are from 2023: for full-time teaching missionaries, there are over 67,000. And then, for young service missionaries, there are 3,884. There are 414 missions—and that number has probably grown a bit since it’s now 2025—but those are the latest numbers available.

Candice Buchanan:
It’s constantly growing.

Clare Craner:
Yeah! I was talking to a seminary teacher, and they told their students that from birth to age eighteen, you spend about 90% of your time with your parents. I couldn’t find an exact average, but I think it’s somewhere around there.

That’s pretty crazy to think about—that we have our kids for 90% of their time before they turn eighteen.

To me, it’s a wake-up call. If they’re choosing to serve a mission, like... have we taught them everything they need to know? Have they learned what they need to for that moment? 

Candice Buchanan:
It makes me panic a little bit. Like, what have I taught them? 

Clare Craner:
How much therapy will they need after? 

Candice Buchanan:
What did I screw up? Certainly... probably a lot.

Clare Craner:
Yes.

Candice Buchanan:
So, as we mentioned, we interviewed a lot of different people and gathered their advice. We broke it down into categories.

Okay, so we asked people the same questions, and I feel like the advice we got back really fell into a few themes. The main categories were: spiritual, self-reliance, managing expectations, logistics, and then the family transition. And maybe there’ll be some other advice that doesn’t fall under those umbrellas—but we’ll add that at the end.

To start, we’re going with spiritual preparedness, because that’s probably the most important. There are lots of other factors, but I think the biggest thing you want your child to have before they go on a mission is a testimony of the Church.

And one piece of advice we heard was: have your kids read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover—by themselves.

Candice Buchanan:
Like, in its entirety. One person said their stake president had a son who had just gotten home from a mission. That son told his younger brother, “You’ve got to read the Book of Mormon by yourself before you go.” So the younger brother did.

And the stake president was like, “I’ve been telling him to do that forever, but he didn’t listen to me. He listened to his older brother.”

It’s such a good reminder that youth can be so influential. If you’re a teenager, remember—sometimes your friends and peers are the ones people actually listen to, not always the adults.

Clare Craner:
Even my husband tells me this! He’s like, “I’ve told you that so many times, but when your brother or sister says it, you listen.”

Candice Buchanan:
Oh my goodness, Kayle says that all the time. He’s like, “Oh, you listened to your dad?” And I’m like, “Okay! I’m sorry! I’ll start listening to you now!”

Clare Craner:
Yes. So, I do agree—listen to your siblings, too.

Candice Buchanan:
Yeah. And your husband. And your spouse.

Clare Craner:
Yes, apparently!

Candice Buchanan:
Another person shared that in addition to missionary prep classes and temple prep, their stake offered an extra class just for seniors. Like, seniors in high school. It was all about preparing for the next step in life—whether that was a mission, or college, or something else.

I think that’s awesome. Just helping them prepare for that next big choice.

Okay, I’m going to try to say this in a way that’s respectful and not offensive—but another important piece of advice: it should be their choice.

And I think that’s hard. For me, I only have girls—I don’t have boys. So when I talk to them, it really is a choice. It’s a commandment for young men, but it’s not a commandment for young women.

And with any big life decision—where to go to school, who to marry, what to major in, what job to take—you should pray about it. Maybe even fast about it. And sometimes, the answer will be, “It’s your choice.”

Like, you can choose—and it’ll be fine either way. But sometimes, you will get a really strong answer, guiding you.

It’s just such a pivotal time in life, and you really want to pray about that decision.

If I had a son who told me he didn’t want to go on a mission, I’d probably be the mom who said, “No, you have to go!” So it’s easier said than done, I’m sure. But it really is central to our beliefs—the power of choice.

I mean, if our dad came to us and said, “Hey, you girls need to do a church podcast,” I’d be like, “What? No!” I’d be freaked out.

But because we decided to do a church podcast, we’re excited about it!

And I think that’s how it is with any major choice. When it’s your decision, you’re motivated. You’re happy to do it.

So we can only control what we can control. We can prepare our kids as much as possible—but in the end, it has to be their decision.

Clare Craner:
Exactly. And that’s the whole point of this life. The whole point is free agency.

And to love our kids—and other kids, like our ward family and extended family—whatever their decision is whether they’re male or female. I think that’s such a huge thing—going about it with love, not judgment.

Candice Buchanan:
One sister we talked to—she waited a semester before going on her mission. So, she went to college first for one semester, then went to the temple and received her endowment, and four months later, she left on her mission.

She said it was so helpful because she had time to really gain a testimony of the temple before she left. She could just focus on one big thing at a time. She felt spiritually grounded and more prepared to go out and teach others about the gospel.

Clare Craner:
I think that’s a great decision. Because going on a mission is a big thing, and receiving your endowment is another really big thing. Trying to do both at once can be overwhelming.

It’s so important to know yourself and say, “Okay, I need to space this out a little.” Also—sometimes on your mission, the temple in your area might be closed, or there might not even be one nearby. So it could be a while before you’re able to go again.

Candice Buchanan:
Which brings us to our next topic: self-reliance.

There are so many big steps that come all at once when you're graduating from high school and moving on in life. It can feel like a lot. So, like you said—take it one thing at a time.

One family we talked to had their oldest son start doing meal prep. He was in charge of making dinner one night a week. He’d make the grocery list, prep the meal, everything. And his mom also taught him how to batch cook—like make a big thing of chicken or rice at the beginning of the week and use it for other meals.

Because let’s be real—a lot of missions don’t include members feeding you every night. You’ve got to know how to cook for yourself, budget for groceries, and feed yourself with more than just Top Ramen.

Clare Craner:
Yes!

Candice Buchanan:
She also had him make his own appointments—like, calling the doctor’s office, scheduling checkups. And honestly, that’s a basic life skill! As a missionary, you’re constantly talking to strangers and coordinating things.

Just being comfortable calling someone up, asking questions, scheduling something—it’s so valuable.

Clare Craner:
I watched my teenager try to call a doctor’s office once to make an appointment—and he just kept looking at me, like, “Help me! Say the words!”

Candice Buchanan:
One mom told me that some of her friends were saying, “Oh, missions are just too hard. They’re too young for this.” And she made such a good point—

The next step in life is going to be hard no matter what. Whether it’s going to college, working full-time, or serving a mission, it’s going to be a big transition. It’s going to stretch them.

As parents, we can prepare them the best we can, but that growth period is coming either way. And she said, “What better place to grow than on a mission?”

You’re growing up in an environment centered on faith, service, and purpose. Why not be challenged there?

And just that reminder—usually, we grow the most when things are hard. When we’re in the middle of a challenge, or doing something outside our comfort zone.

We don’t want to protect our kids from every hard thing in life—we want to prepare them for it. Then hopefully, they can handle it, and rise to the occasion.

Clare Craner:
When kids are growing—whether they're heading out on a mission or going to college—it’s a big adjustment.

Something I’ve realized I often overlook is that in our family, we decided early on that our kids wouldn’t do sleepovers. And that can be a little tricky, especially for this generation. A lot of these kids going on missions now also spent a few years learning from home because of COVID. So, they haven't had as many chances to be away from home.

It’s important to find little opportunities for them to practice being away—not just for practical reasons, but for mental health too. Like, “Hey, you’re okay even when you’re not with Mom and Dad.” That’s why things like FSY or youth camps are so great—just getting them used to being independent.

Candice Buchanan:
Yeah, we don’t do sleepovers either, and I feel like that’s becoming more common among our generation of parents.

Clare Craner:
Yeah.

Candice Buchanan:
One of my girls just moved into Young Women’s, and there’s this special camp they get to go to—kind of like an add-on to Girls Camp. Only the girls her age get to go because we have such a big group in our area.

No phones, no smartwatches—they’re out in the mountains in cabins, totally unplugged. Everyone who goes says it’s amazing. But she’s been nervous about it. So we decided to practice!

Clare Craner:
Yes!

Candice Buchanan:
She’s going to sleep at her cousins’ house—not the ones down the street, though, because she knows I could come get her too easily.

We’re talking like, “Let’s go to Uncle Spencer’s—it’s far enough away that Mom’s not just showing up in the middle of the night.” So we’re easing into it.

Clare Craner:
I think that’s such a good idea. Not just for the kid to realize they’re okay—but also for the parent to realize, “Okay, I’m okay too.”

Candice Buchanan:
Right? I’m like, “I’m going to be fine if my kid is away from me.”

Clare Craner:
I’m mostly saying that part for me.

Candice Buchanan:
Same. I saw a movie once about a missionary getting ready to leave, and the mom was all sad and trying to zip herself up in his suitcase.

Clare Craner:
I’m like, “That’s actually kind of a great idea…”

Candice Buchanan:
Like, “Just take me with you.”

Clare Craner:
Or can I just... AirTag you?

Candice Buchanan:
Oh my gosh, when Colby goes on a mission, I’m totally sending you memes. Just—you know—coping mechanisms.

Clare Craner:
He’ll probably be like, “I’m going to the most remote place on Earth. You won’t find me.”

Candice Buchanan:
You’re not gonna track me, Mom.

Clare Craner:
He’ll be out there catching rabbits to eat. I’ll be like, “Okay, good luck out there.”

Candice Buchanan:
laughing Okay, but this all still falls under self-reliance—and that includes social preparedness.

One thing someone pointed out was that college and missions are very different. In college, you might have a roommate, but you each have your own schedules. You get alone time.

But on a mission? You’re with your companion 24/7. No alone time. That’s a huge adjustment—learning to mesh with someone else’s personality, their habits, figuring out how to work through disagreements.

So it helps if kids are used to being in social environments beforehand. Whatever their interests are—sports, music, band—get them involved. It helps them practice working with other people and navigating different personalities.

Clare Craner:
Yes. I was actually interviewing someone recently, and she had a friend who was called to be a mission nurse.

She said a lot of the issues she saw were mental health-related—being away from family was really hard. There was a lot of homesickness, and also just struggling with difficult companions.

Candice Buchanan:
Mm-hmm.

Clare Craner:
Some missionaries didn’t even have basic life skills—like how to use deodorant! Or how to do laundry correctly.

Candice Buchanan:
laughs Yes!

Clare Craner:
It just reminded me—sometimes we think they’re ready, but we have to ask: Are they really? Like, do they know how to throw in a dryer sheet? Or check if the clothes are actually dry before pulling them out?

Sometimes it's just the super basic stuff that makes the biggest difference.

Candice Buchanan:
These basic things—like learning how to do laundry or work with different people—are life skills. If you can go on a mission and handle having a bunch of different companions, all with their own personalities and quirks, you’re going to be way better prepared for the real world.

You’ll be ready for coworkers, college roommates, group projects—you name it. Being with someone 24/7 can be hard at first, but it really becomes a powerful learning experience.

One piece of advice from a mom I loved was that she tried not to stress her son out about his mission. She focused on one thing at a time. School was school, and she wanted him to enjoy high school.

Of course, she still helped him prepare spiritually and with self-reliance, but she didn’t make it all about the mission. She didn’t want him to feel like he was already on his mission while he was still in high school. I thought that was really good advice.

Clare Craner:
Yes—don’t overwhelm them! You know your child better than anyone. You know what your kid needs to be prepared. So it’s about asking, “Okay, what does this specific child need?” Not every kid is the same.

I actually asked a missionary recently if he had any heart adjustments during his mission, and he said something that stuck with me. He quoted, “The only constant in life is change.”

And he said that was exactly how the mission felt—it was always changing. New companions, new areas, new schedules. He said the best advice he could give was to learn how to just roll with it. If you can adjust to change, you’ll be just fine.

Candice Buchanan:
Yeah, and that leads perfectly into the next part—managing expectations.

I remember talking to our brother about when he was preparing to go on a mission—what, like 20 years ago?

Clare Craner:
Ugh, don’t say that.

Candice Buchanan:
laughs I know, I know—we’re old. But seriously, he went into the MTC on September 11th.

Clare Craner:
Which is wild—because that’s the same day Darren went in!

Candice Buchanan:
Your husband and our brother both reporting on 9/11. Crazy!

But our brother said when we were growing up, everyone talked about missions like they were going to be the best two years of your life. Like nothing could compare. And he remembers thinking, “Really? Better than getting married? Better than raising kids?”

Clare Craner:
Yeah.

Candice Buchanan:
And now it feels like we’ve swung the other way. You’ll hear people say, “These are going to be the hardest two years of your life.” Like, brace yourself—it’s going to be brutal.

But honestly, I’ve heard several people say, “No, my mission wasn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve had challenges way tougher than that.”

So I think the best approach is just a balanced one. Be honest. Missions can be really hard. But they can also be fun and fulfilling. It’s an incredible opportunity to serve and grow and do God’s work.

Just don’t set unrealistic expectations—either way. Be real about it.

Clare Craner:
Totally. A lot of it comes down to attitude and expectations. You’re going to face adjustments in any big life change.

I talked to one sister missionary who was called to serve in Florida, and her area included Disney World. She said it was a huge culture shock because everyone was in vacation mode all the time—and everything was Mickey Mouse themed.

Candice Buchanan:
Yes! Even people’s houses had Mickey stuff everywhere!

Clare Craner:
She said at first it was really hard. It was just so different from what she imagined. But she made it fun by starting to take pictures of all the Mickeys she saw—like a little game.

Candice Buchanan:
That’s so cute.

Clare Craner:
And she said walking around and seeing palm trees made her so happy—especially coming from Idaho.

It just lifted her mood. So yeah, there are going to be adjustments, but your attitude makes a huge difference. Are you going to find ways to make it okay? That’s the real question.

Candice Buchanan:
These basic things—like learning how to work with different people—are such great life skills. Going on a mission helps you handle having different companions and all their personalities. It really prepares you for the real world: co-workers, roommates, classmates... It can be hard to get used to being with someone 24/7, but it's such a great learning experience.

One mom shared her advice: she didn’t want to stress her son out too much. She focused on one thing at a time—school, activities, spiritual preparation—but didn’t obsess over the mission constantly. She just let him enjoy high school while helping him grow in self-reliance. That way, he wasn't on his mission before he even left.

Clare Craner:
Yeah, don’t overwhelm them! You know your child better than anyone—what they need to be prepared.

I asked a missionary if there were any heart adjustments on the mission, and he said, “The only thing constant in life is change.” And that’s what missions are—constant changes: companions, areas, schedules. His advice? Learn how to roll with it.

Candice:
That reminds me of when our brother left on his mission. He went in on September 11th, which was wild—and so did Darren, your husband!

Clare:
I know—same day! So crazy.

Candice:
Back then, everyone would say, “These are going to be the BEST two years of your life!” And he was like, “Really? Better than marriage and kids?” Probably not. It's a great experience, but not the greatest thing you’ll ever do.

Lately, people go the opposite way and say it’s the hardest two years of your life. But honestly, for a lot of people, it's not the hardest thing they've done. I think we need a balanced view: missions are hard sometimes, fun sometimes, and incredibly meaningful overall. You’re doing God’s work. You’ll be blessed. But it’s okay to acknowledge both the good and the hard.

Clare:
Totally. A lot of it is about attitude and expectations. One missionary was called to serve near Disney World, and it was tough—everyone was in “vacation mode” and obsessed with Mickey Mouse. But she found joy in it by taking pictures of all the Mickeys she saw and appreciating the palm trees. It’s about finding little things to be excited about, wherever you are.

Candice:
It really is about how you look at it. Spencer, who’s a doctor, gave this great example. Patients waiting for surgery are usually cranky—hungry, uncomfortable, anxious. The new doctors would try to reassure them with, “You’ll get in soon,” but then if there were delays, the patients would get furious.

Spencer would instead tell them upfront, “Hey, emergencies came in. You probably won’t be in for a while.” And even though they were frustrated, they were mentally prepared. Same with missions—if you go in knowing it’ll be hard and rewarding, that helps.

Clare:
And it’s okay to not know everything at first. Just roll with it and trust you’ll get it as you go.

Candice:
Okay, so now let’s talk logistics. I used to stress about this, but turns out it’s actually pretty straightforward!

The Church provides checklists when you start your mission papers. You’ll need:

• A bishop interview
• A stake president interview
• Doctor and dentist appointments to confirm you're healthy

That’s really it for submitting the papers.

As for gear:

• Luggage
• A few outfits (don’t go overboard)
• Invest in good shoes since missionaries walk a ton
• Pillowcase, sheets, and a towel

Housing items are usually provided.

Clare:
Also, it’s $400/month for all young adult missions, no matter where you serve. Some wards might help if needed, but it’s good to plan for that.

Candice:
If you’re flying outside the U.S., you’ll need a passport. For domestic travel, a star card works.

If you need to send something, just ship it via Amazon to the mission home—it’s so much easier and cheaper!

Clare:
Oh, and wisdom teeth! Sometimes it takes months to get that scheduled, so start early if they need to be removed.

Candice:
Great point. Also, if you're going to a cold-weather mission, wait to buy winter gear until you get there—especially if you live somewhere like Arizona. Otherwise, you won’t be getting gear that actually works for the climate.

Candice:
Sending a child on a mission is a family transition. One mom said she prints off her missionary’s weekly emails and reads them with the younger kids so they feel connected.

It’s also helped their scripture study—they’ve never been more consistent because their missionary asks about it each week.

Clare:
One sweet story: two siblings were super close, and when the older one left, the younger one didn’t have anyone to talk to at night. So the parents started checking in with him before bed so he wouldn’t feel alone.

Candice:
That's so sweet. My kids share a room too, so I imagine we’ll feel that same shift one day.

Clare:
One mom I talked to has a son doing home MTC right now. It’s just one week, and families love it—it’s a great transition. Her son has been living on his own for years, so she had to remind herself to back off. Like, he’s got this. And sometimes, as moms, that’s hard!

Candice:
It’ll definitely be hard for me with my youngest. Letting go is a big shift.

Clare:
Back in the day, missionaries only wrote letters. No calls or FaceTime. Now, they can call home once a week—and that connection makes all the difference.

Candice:
I love that too. One missionary I know shares cultural things from England in her weekly emails—like how they say “porridge” instead of oatmeal, or “lovely” all the time. It makes you feel part of their world!

Clare:
Before we go, here’s a missionary quote I love from Elder Uchtdorf in his talk “Sharing What Is in Your Heart”:

“The Lord has never required expert, flawless missionary efforts. Instead, the Lord requires the heart and a willing mind.”

Candice:
Yes! He’ll make up the difference if we’re sincere and willing. We’re not perfect—but we can do our best.

Thanks for being here and hanging out with us. We love connecting with like-minded people. We hope this was helpful and encouraging!

Until next time!