The Hardest Question: What Do I Need to Change?

Candice shares a personal experience that started with a short email from her missionary nephew and led to a heartfelt prayer asking, “What do I need to change?” In this honest and reflective conversation, Candice and Clare discuss how difficult it can be to stop focusing on others and start looking inward. They explore the courage it takes to ask God for guidance, the humility needed to accept the answer, and the faith required to let go of what’s comfortable. This episode reminds us that change and repentance are gifts meant to bless our lives, not burden them.

Shownotes (clickable links)

 conference talk quoted: Peacemakers Needed

Mark 9:23

Transcript

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Transcript

Clare Craner: Welcome to the Sisters podcast! I'm Clare.

Candice Buchanan: And I’m Candice. Today in our little minisode, we’re going to talk about what we can change personally—how we can focus on our own personal growth instead of other people’s growth.

We have a nephew who's currently serving a mission in Ohio, and in one of his emails—which was super short—he said, “Just a quick thought that hit me during a lesson today: In general, people love the invitation for others to repent and change, and very few love, or even understand, the invitation for themselves to repent or change. Be the brave one.”

And that was basically his whole email! I know I’ve been guilty of that—it's easier to think of what others need to change.

Clare Craner: And wasn’t there a conference talk where—

Candice Buchanan: —Yes!

Clare Craner: —everyone was thinking of someone else? And it was like, no, no, no—think about yourself.

Candice Buchanan: Yes! The prophet actually called people out. He said something like, “I know what you’re thinking—you’re thinking of someone else who needs to hear this message.” But really, he was urging us to ask ourselves, what do I need to do? I can’t remember the exact quote, but we’ll link that talk.

So, I decided to follow the advice. And honestly, I don’t know why it feels so intimidating to ask that question—especially in prayer—like, “Okay, what do I need to change?” I think it feels overwhelming because there's probably a lot... or maybe we’re afraid it’ll make us feel bad.

But I read that email on a Sunday morning, and I said a prayer: “I know there’s a lot, but can you just give me one thing? What’s one thing I should work on right now?” And the answer came pretty quickly. I was getting ready for church and I knew exactly what it was.

And... if I’m being honest, I was a little mad about it! I was like, What? Why would I need to work on that? I’m fine! Then I started comparing—like, Well, other people are worse than me. I got kind of grumpy heading into church.

But, as church does, it simmered me down. By the time we got home, I thought, Okay... maybe I do need to work on this. How can I apply it?

I won’t say what it was, but basically, I realized I had been focusing too much on something that I really needed to let go of. So I started thinking, What can I do to actually change, even though I’m not excited about it?

Clare Craner: Honestly, that’s brave—and it makes you really vulnerable. That makes me realize I should do the same. I’ll need to be humble and accept whatever answer I get.

Candice Buchanan: We were actually talking about this at our last family get-together—our niece is about to go on a mission, and we had gathered for her farewell talk. I was telling everyone what I was going to share on this podcast.

And a few days later, I talked to Mom, and she said, “Well, I decided to ask the same question. If you can do it, I can do it!” She said, “I know what I need to work on.”

Clare Craner: That’s cute.

Candice Buchanan: It is!

Clare Craner: See? You’re starting something! Good job.

Candice Buchanan: But it is hard. It’s not like, “Oh, I figured out my one thing, I’ll work on it and check it off.” It’s something I’ve had to keep thinking about.

Every time I start focusing too much on that thing again, I try to stop and think, Okay, what should I be focusing on instead?

A few weeks went by, and I was going into a situation where I knew I’d be around people who would trigger that same focus again. I was nervous, but one of the suggested conference talks from Come, Follow Me caught my eye—it was by the prophet.

He said something that really stood out: “Faith unlocks the power of God in our lives.”

And I realized—you need faith to change. Letting go of something you're comfortable with requires trust. You have to believe that things will actually be better if you follow God's direction. And that’s scary.

He also said, “Your mountains may be loneliness, doubt, illness, or other personal problems. Your mountains will vary. And yet, the answer to each of your challenges is to increase your faith.”

And in Mark 9:23, Jesus said, “All things are possible to him that believeth.”

When I read that, it just hit differently. You know how you can hear the same scripture over and over, and then suddenly it clicks?

Clare Craner: Yeah.

Candice Buchanan: It clicked for me. I had been holding on to something because I was afraid to let it go—but I finally realized: If I actually have faith that God is guiding me, then letting go will only make me better. Happier.

It reminded me what a blessing repentance and change really are. It’s not a punishment. It’s a gift—for our benefit. It’s easy to know that, but harder to internalize it.

So, yeah. It was a little learning moment for me—like, Okay. I need to let go of fear more and trust God. Even if I don’t fully understand, if I try my best and listen to the answers I’m given, it will work out. And every time we do that, our faith increases.

Clare Craner: Yeah.

Candice Buchanan: For me, changing myself just takes more faith than I’m used to using.

Clare Craner: So much faith.

Candice Buchanan: Yeah.

Clare Craner: To just trust—

Candice Buchanan: —God’s way.

Clare Craner: In the end, even if you don’t understand it in this life, it’s going to be better.

Candice Buchanan: Yeah. Anyway.

Clare Craner: But I love that. I think I’m going to—

Candice Buchanan: Thank you.

Clare Craner: —pray about it. I’ll be nervous, though. I’ll be like...

Candice Buchanan: I’m taking—

Clare Craner: —baby steps.

Candice Buchanan: One step at a time. Okay, I worked on that. I’m still working on that. I’ll wait a little longer before asking for the next big change!

But seriously—if you ask the question, you’ll get an answer. And it’ll only be for your benefit.

We hope you know—God loves you. Till next time!

Both: Bye.