Don't drift with the current

 In this mini episode, Candice and Clare talk about authenticity, people pleasing, and having the courage to stand strong in your faith. They reflect on a powerful quote about how simply drifting through life will still take you somewhere. Choosing who you want to be and what you believe matters now more than ever. 

Alma 46: 13-16

Jeffrey R. Holland story

Brene Brown

Sisters with Latter-Day Voices website

Transcript

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Transcript

Clare: Welcome to Sisters Latter-day Voices, I'm Clare.

Candice: And I'm Candice. Today for this mini episode, I promise we have a longer episode coming soon. Life has just been very chaotic for us, so we're keeping it real with the mini episodes for now. But we do have some longer ones and some guest episodes coming.

Today I wanted to talk about being authentic.

Clare: Which is perfect, because we're being authentic right now.

Candice: Yeah.

Clare: Our lives are busy and crazy.

Candice: We're being honest and being our authentic selves. Basically just not being ashamed of our faith and being strong members of the Church and not being afraid to be proud of that.

You can tell me how you feel about this, but I know that in my mind I'm always so gung ho. I'm like, I'm going to be so great. I'm going to talk to everyone, and I'm just going to be so friendly and a good example. But then moments happen where I think, oh, I'm not brave in the moment. I could have taken the opportunity to talk to someone or bring up something church related, but then I choose not to because I chicken out. I don't know if that happens to you.

Clare: It is hard. I think the older I get, I'm probably the same as you. It gets a little easier, but it's still incredibly hard.

Candice: Yeah, and I think it depends on the day too. Some days I'm feeling great and confident, and other days I'm focused on other things and I just don't want to deal with anything.

Clare: Yeah.

Candice: Hopefully people aren't sick of me bringing up Brene Brown. I don't know how many times I've mentioned her, but she has a book called The Gifts of Imperfection. It's one of her more famous books, and there's a part from it that really stuck with me.

She talks about what helped her get over some of her people pleasing tendencies. And honestly, people pleasing is something I struggle with sometimes. I don't know why I want everyone to like me, but it shouldn't be a top priority. I should be kind, but I shouldn't care that much what people think of me.

She said she used to go into situations or conversations wanting people to like her, and that can set you up for failure because you can't control other people, their emotions, or their reactions. But when she changed her goal to simply being authentic, she felt much better.

She's a public speaker and talks to a lot of people, and with being as well known as she is, she's obviously not going to please everybody. But when she focused on being authentic instead of being liked, it changed everything.

You can't control how people react or whether they understand you. But if you know yourself and your values, you can feel good knowing you're being true to who you are regardless of how someone else reacts.

That has been really helpful for me. It even helps in social situations. I'm an outgoing person. You know me.

Clare: Super outgoing.

Candice: I'm a total extrovert. I love talking to people. But even I can feel awkward in crowded situations or parties sometimes. Sometimes I just want to go home.

It goes back to the principle of not focusing on yourself but focusing on other people. Actually, maybe I'm not saying that quite right. You want to focus on other people, but at the same time you don't want to focus on their opinions of you. Maybe that's because that brings the focus back to you again.

Clare: No, I get what you're saying.

Candice: Does that make sense?

Clare: Yeah.

Candice: So I think that has helped me. For example, we went on a soccer trip over a month ago and stayed with two families. One family I know really well and the other I didn't know very well, so I was a little nervous going into it.

But they were super fun and cool people, and it ended up being fantastic. I remember thinking about that beforehand and telling myself, I'm not going to worry about what they think of me. I'm just going to be authentic. And that really took away a lot of stress.

Anyway, that book, The Gifts of Imperfection, was written years ago and it's one of her top selling books. But I feel like the world has only gotten more judgmental since then. Everyone has opinions about everything, and it's impossible to please everyone.

In my life, I want to hold on to my values and let go of judgment as much as I can. I want to stop worrying about people who might disagree with me and just remember that I believe what I believe for a reason. And there are other people who believe the same thing.

Clare: Well, because of that I also see people wanting to stay neutral or not stand out. Everyone is so opinionated, and if you're not aligning with their opinions then you're wrong.

Candice: Yeah.

Clare: It's harder now to just be different. It's like if you're different, you're wrong, which isn't true. It's just society right now.

Candice: Very true. And actually that goes really well with the quote I wanted to share.

A couple of years ago in conference, David A. Bednar told a story about when he was the president of BYU Idaho and Jeffrey R. Holland came to speak for a weekly devotional. Before the devotional, a few students got to meet with them.

They had this little meeting, and as they were finishing up, Elder Bednar asked him, "If you could teach these students just one thing, what would it be?"

Clare: On the spot. I love it.

Candice: Yeah, just for that small group.

But he said:

"We are witnessing an ever greater movement toward polarity. The middle ground options will be removed from us as Latter-day Saints. The middle of the road will be withdrawn.

If you are treading water in the current of a river, you will go somewhere. You simply will go wherever the current takes you. Going with the stream, following the tide, drifting in the current will not do.

Choices have to be made. Not making a choice is a choice. Learn to choose now."

Clare: That's an amazing analogy.

Candice: It really is.

That was said in 1998, and it feels even more true now. I love the analogy of a stream carrying you somewhere. Even if you're just treading water, you're still moving.

Sadly, that has been true in some aspects of my life. I've been carried by the stream and just gone wherever life takes me because I didn't make clear choices. But not making a choice is a choice.

Clare: Yeah, that's the big thing. By not making a choice, you actually are making a choice.

Candice: Exactly.

Clare: And all those little things you don't think add up really do.

Candice: Yeah. One of the reasons I like doing this podcast with you, even if we don't know exactly who's listening besides Dad. Hi Dad, thanks for listening.

But I love connecting with people who share our values. Even when a friend says they listened and liked the episode, it feels like we're banding together with people who stand up for what they believe in. It's okay if not everyone understands or accepts that. We know what we believe and we can stand strong in it.

I wanted to end with a scripture about Captain Moroni because I love how brave he was in standing up for what he believed in.

So he went up on the wall, tore his coat, and made the title of liberty. He fastened on his headplate and breastplate, put on his armor, and took the pole with the torn piece of his coat on the end. He called it the title of liberty.

He bowed himself to the earth and prayed mightily to God that the blessings of liberty would rest upon his brethren as long as there were believers in Christ in the land.

And I love that because it shows people banding together and standing strong in what they believe.

Clare: Yeah. We're not standing on a wall, but that is definitely one of the biggest mic drop moments in the scriptures.

Candice: Yeah.

Clare: And I think that's why this podcast is great. It gives people a chance to hear similar experiences and know they're not alone in trying to take a stand and not just be carried by the stream.

Candice: That's right. We are making choices. We are swimming.

Clare: Exactly. Maybe not very fast, but it's happening.

Candice: Slowly but surely.

Alright, well with that, we hope you know God loves you. Bye.