DEAN AND DAWES: Wicker Way Did He Do

Show notes

Guest: Brian O’Neil

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy Gager

1)  Dawes has not a real dating story

2)  What would you put up with in a shared living situation

3)  Taglines

4) Listener Feedback

5) The shows BEEF and HALF MAN

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beef_(TV_series)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Half_Man_(TV_series)

6) APP TIME FAKE APP: A.I. DATING

Jackie Dawes is a Teacher, writer, ADHD survivor, Imposter …somewhere Ms. Kursman is laughing hysterically.

Timothy “Dean” Gager has published 20 books of fiction and poetry, which includes his latest novel, The Shadows of the Seen, forthcoming with Pierian Springs Press in 2025. He hosted the successful Dire Literary Series in Cambridge, MA from 2001 to 2018, and started a weekly virtual series in 2020. He has had over 1000 works of fiction and poetry published, 18 nominations for the Pushcart Prize. His work also has been nominated twice for a Massachusetts Book Award, The Best of the Web, The Best Small Fictions Anthology and has been read on National Public Radio. 

 The 2 Deans produced by Timothy Gager

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

If you want MERCH. Dean and Dawes Sweatshirts ($45), and t-shirts ($30)

 The 2 Deans produced by The Oddball Foundation

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Brian O'Neill here, beautiful Florida Keys. And you're listening to the two Deans, Dating, Dread, and Disasters. What I really want to ask you all is when's the last time you had a date in this town?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

The following podcast are the opinions and satire of Dean.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

And Dean. And maybe some truth.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And in no way represents the opinions. And lack of satire of anyone else but ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

But the people might be trapped. The story you're about to hear is true. The names have been changed. Protect the innocent. Well, welcome to episode seven, Jackie.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

Welcome to episode seven. I've been counting.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

So this is season two, episode seven. I'm really proud of myself. Even if we're pissing people off for counting the episodes. You know, I'm a numbers guy, so that's it.

SPEAKER_04 1:20

So I I'll I'll take it though.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

This is 57 total.

SPEAKER_04 1:25

Okay, 57.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Alright, so you said you had a dating story. Do you want to tell us really?

SPEAKER_04 1:30

I don't know if it's a real dating story. It's just a very funny story, is that I'm I'm renting I have an apartment in the back and I'm renting it out, and I there's this one kid who I like her. I call her a kid, she's 36. Um, the rent's due kid. Calling her references just to check. And the person uh made a joke, and then I made a joke, and we just started talking, and we'd been talking for so long that he asked me out for coffee, and I said yes. I don't even know what he looks like.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 2:02

He said yes, and I don't know anything about this person, but it was so lovely and pleasant on the phone.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Just say I said yes to coffee because we had a connection on the phone. I didn't know what you were gonna look like, so now that I've seen you, I like you, I don't like you.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

We're gonna be good friends.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

So here's something that's really funny because on the the list of uh notes to talk about, I wrote, You're getting a new person in your house. So say you have a new person in the back room of your house.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

Uh are they dating, like if they're dating a lot and they're bringing their dates over a lot, what does that bother you? Will that be irksome?

SPEAKER_04 2:39

I don't I don't think I'd care or notice. It's a pretty divided up situation, and we soundproofed every so now that the house is it's really locked down well, and the the back part of the house, and imagine you're built this house, so it's by this Disney human who who I mean it's just lovely the things that he did. There's a secret passageway, the fireplace is made out of these kooky stones that almost look like they're in the shape of a witch hat. I don't know how to describe it, but it's I love this old house. Um but the back is made out of cement and bricks.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

So my question is, all right, say that it wasn't so separate.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

Oh, say I could see it.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

So what's worse? The person dating uh the person that's dating a lot, uh or a regular person that's almost a housemate.

SPEAKER_04 3:26

Wait. I don't you mean which would be worse? Would I prefer someone who is like a housemate versus someone who's like got all these strangers in a house?

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Like a serial dater, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

The problem with a serial dater is I don't enjoy being robbed and I don't want to No one enjoys that.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

Oh I don't know, I enjoy being robbed a little bit. A little spice to life.

SPEAKER_04 3:49

I the more the more strangers you interact with, the more opportunities for bad things to happen. I don't I don't think I'd care. I what's what's funny about that is I would still prefer to have a roommate, not a roommate, but a and a someone living in the apartment next door who had lots of dates versus having a quote unquote housemate that every time I turned around there they were.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Alright, here's another one for a living situation. What's worse? People that you can hear their activity through the bedroom walls a lot, or people that have a public displa displays of affection in the living room a lot. I'm not talking about like one one is like and the other one is like the other one is like, you know, they're like petting each other.

SPEAKER_04 4:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a cartoon. Um, I honestly both suck. That I yeah, exactly. I I don't think I would be in the scenario where somebody would be in my living room putting on public displays of affection. I would not I would not put I I don't see myself getting into that scenario. And now in my twenties, uh sure, we all had roommates, but I also wouldn't have cared in my twenties. And now I'd be like, Can you go get out? Go to your room, go away. I don't even want to see you in the living room by yourself, let alone in a living room with someone else.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Perfect. It's like, welcome to Jackie's house where the Camudgeon is.

SPEAKER_04 5:11

Yes, that's me.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

So uh we've got a great guest, and I'm not gonna tell anyone who it is yet. It's gonna be a surprise.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Surprise!

SPEAKER_03 5:20

But he has a tagline. So my question now is have you ever dated anyone that's had a tagline or has like used other people's taglines? In other words, like you're dating someone and they all they do is quote Austin Towers or or Wayne and Garth. Like, have you ever had that?

SPEAKER_04 5:36

What's funny is I thought of Seinfeld in the there was like a musician guy when you had to call him the what? What's the name of the guy who the conductor or something? Yeah. Yeah. Uh that's what I think of because he would constantly and then there was another version of that on Seinfeld where a guy constantly talked about himself in the third person. So I don't know about a tagline. I mean, what would they be like? Hi, I'm so-and-so.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Yeah, or or or like, you know, uh from like Austin Powers, like you're just hanging out. You notice him being like, yeah, baby, like all the friggin' time.

SPEAKER_04 6:07

Oh, yeah. Um, I mean, that's annoying. I don't again, you're you're supposed to not spend time with people that are annoying.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

So yeah, so I I guess all the subjects of the tonight's show is annoyance.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

They would annoy me. That would you're asking me like which would be more annoying? This one or that one? And and and and they're they're bad.

SPEAKER_03 6:27

Alright, so which one is more blissful? Overhearing someone making love in their bedroom or just very blissful public displays of people.

SPEAKER_04 6:35

I'm gonna tell you what, if if if if I was overhearing somebody having sex, I'd be like, good for them, right? It wouldn't really bother me. I don't care that other people in their apartments are having sex. I don't unless it woke me up or kept me from doing work, I don't think I'd give a shit. But if you're in my living room and I have to see you, and you're in in I just be like, oh And you're watching their tension build. Well, good for them. I'd say, go to your room and finish the job. Okay, I'm uh an old woman.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

That's kind of a lot of pressure. Go to your room and finish.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

I think it's just I'm used to being alone and I don't want anyone in my living room. I think that's what the uh the upsetting thing is.

SPEAKER_03 7:14

Alright, so you're ready for a little um listener feedback?

SPEAKER_04 7:18

Is it nice or mean?

SPEAKER_03 7:20

Uh it's mixed.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

Oh no.

unknown 7:23

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

So this one is not nice or mean, but we sort of led our listeners on with like your Facebook dating. We went back to it, but you've never you didn't go actually go on a date with your fake Facebook profile that you didn't actually make a profile with.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

Oh. Was it the Facebook date? I told you I've matched with people.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

But you didn't go out with any of them.

SPEAKER_04 7:43

No, no, I would not want to do that.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

You are you are leaning toward almost going out with.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

I should try. I should. There's uh there was one that he that actually like quoted books that I loved as a kid, and and that human seemed he seemed really good, but then he said something super nice to me, like how what a pleasure it was to talk to somebody like me, and then I stopped talking to him.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

If you want to know about dysfunctional dating and relationships, just watch the show Beef on Netflix because I haven't seen I I can't decide what it's about yet, so I haven't been able to commit to watching it. It's about really weird backstabbing, weirdness, action, like thrill like it's action bad bad relationships in action.

unknown 8:27

Bad relationships in action.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Like there's action things, there's chases, there's like screwing, like screw ups.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

Got it. Um, you know another one that's good uh that I just watched is Baby Reindeer's new show, although I did not like that one. And this one is just so he's so good at at uncomfortable trauma, awkwardness, and violence. He's so good at it that you can't, it's uncomfortable to watch. It's so uncomfortable because it's so a lot of uncomfortable shows, huh? What's the name of that show? Half man. Have you seen it yet?

SPEAKER_03 8:58

Not yet.

SPEAKER_04 8:59

Woof! Yikes!

SPEAKER_03 9:00

So this is a dating show, is so is half man meaning he's only can do things halfway?

SPEAKER_04 9:06

I don't even I don't even know.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

Half a man?

SPEAKER_04 9:08

No, you you've got to watch it. It's about two brothers.

SPEAKER_03 9:12

Oh, honey, I love you, honey. Let's let's move on with our relationship. Oh, wait, you're just half a man.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

No, no, Terry, no, not like that at all. No. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

You have to see it for the uncomfortableness, and then you don't want to see it because our listeners want you to go on that date with the face of the.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

But I made a date with this other guy who I've never met, and I don't even know what they look like.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Okay. If it's the same guy, you know that's a shenanigans going on.

SPEAKER_04 9:38

Oh, yeah, if that turns out to be. That would be him having to find someone who wants to rent my apartment who uses them as a reference. I mean, that would be a lot.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 9:47

That would be a lot. I'm not I'm not that I'm not that cute, Tim. I don't see.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

So thumbs up on listener feedback for recent episodes.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Oh, which ones?

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Thumbs up on the return of uh Lisa Rockwell. And uh, you know, the but the Here Kitty Kitty story was better than the dating story. The dating story, the popcorn box.

SPEAKER_04 10:10

True, true. The Here Kitty Kitty was hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

All you have to do is say popcorn box on the date, and you already know what we're talking about, even if you didn't listen to that episode.

SPEAKER_04 10:19

Yuck. It was yucky.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Would you like real would you like real butter on your popcorn or something else?

SPEAKER_04 10:26

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

That's horrible.

SPEAKER_04 10:29

No, horrible.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

And also, they did not like the disaster where where Chef Peter um uh ruptured his Achilles. And the reason they didn't like it was, you know, we talk about all disasters, right? Work disasters, we can talk about dating.

SPEAKER_04 10:47

But yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Income tax disasters, like if you're a waiter and you had a disaster waiting tables, you got a dick of a customer, but basically the person said, This is not your brand.

SPEAKER_04 10:59

Ha ha ha! Good for them. We shouldn't stick to dating.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Well, if we get guests that want to talk to our dating, so make sure you write to us and get get on.

SPEAKER_04 11:08

Yeah, call him out for that. Tell him so he has to come on the show and tell us about a date.

SPEAKER_03 11:11

Yeah, and it is it is our brand. We're open to anything as long as it's funny. That was a funny story.

SPEAKER_04 11:18

It was a funny story and not and not not fun. His poor little body.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

Are you ready? I've we've got a great fake app today that we're inventing. And I know uh our guest, our guest really likes to have uh a quick money-making scheme. So if our guest with the tagline would like to make money on this, here's the fake app. And first of all, um, our guest knows Spike recorded our jingle, and here is our jingle.

unknown 11:49

I see.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

Uh here's our jingle. I'm never ready for the jingle. You know that, right?

SPEAKER_04 11:55

Yeah, it's weird. It's a weird thing.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

Um, and then now the jingle won't even open. What the heck?

SPEAKER_04 12:01

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

There it is. Hold on.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Twizz, twitch.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

That's not that's not spike. That's not Spike Fland. Um, that's not his fault that the jingle doesn't open. It's I take full blame for uh full responsibility. So do you want to know what the app is?

SPEAKER_04 12:30

I do.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

It's called uh this is it's so easy. People are gonna love it.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

That's so AI has taken over everything. It's taken over your Google searches, it's taken over everything. So we're gonna be the first that does AI date. So all you do is sign up, it grabs pictures of you from your social media, the best ones, because it's AI. It creates your profile based on what it finds on the internet, and it meets people that you might like who have AI profiles and communicates with them, and all you have to do is show up at a time and a location and meet the person.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

You don't need to be.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

They do all the yucky work of hi, a nice they get rid of all the that small talk.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

And it won't even be small talk. You'll just get a message saying you've got a date on May the May the 17th at 5 p.m. at this place.

SPEAKER_04 13:28

Okay. Okay. I actually, I mean, I I think AI is really ruining the world because mm it's it's using up all of our resources, but um okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

Who needs water when you can get a perfect date?

SPEAKER_04 13:41

Oh god. Uh we're not gonna win, but I'm telling you, it's very bad. I I like the idea that somebody else would do all that legwork for me, and all I have to do is show up and then decide at the table, like, hey, do I like you or do I not like you? Yeah, like it's not. Because you're never gonna know from the small talk, anyways.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Yeah, and like if the person so say the person AI will figure it out. All you have to do is give your name and your credit card. So simple. But say the person is like has is like in the national sex offender registry or they've been arrested for a felony, it won't match with you. Period.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Okay, AI is gonna do all my vetting for me.

SPEAKER_03 14:17

Correct. So you're gonna have a perfect vet based on what you like physically about the person and what your things are just according to what you've put out there on the internet. So and plus you'll get people that actually look their age, unless they've scrubbed the internet and and planted like young pictures of themselves throughout the internet.

SPEAKER_04 14:39

Well, you know, I don't I don't let any pictures go out of me that look my age, right?

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Yeah, so you're part of the you're part of the problem, not the problem.

SPEAKER_04 14:47

I'm part of the problem. I'm part of the problem. I am part of the problem. Yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Uh so we're ready to bring our guests on. So uh so are we ready for his tad one?

SPEAKER_04 15:00

I can't wait to meet this person.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Hey everyone out there. I'm Brian O'Neill coming to you live from the beautiful Florida Keys. Hey. And what's the other part? Um when was the last time you had a date in this town?

SPEAKER_03 15:21

So, Brian, we're gonna go back and so for for the folks that don't remember that story, just really quickly, uh, the other dean, that was uh a quote that Brian used on the other dean when the other dean did not go on a date with him.

SPEAKER_04 15:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

So we might have them both on together in the future.

SPEAKER_04 15:44

I think that we should, and we could like talk about why they did or did not.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

But no arguments and they're not allowed to argue or be mean.

SPEAKER_04 15:53

Are these the type of people who would argue?

SPEAKER_03 15:55

I think I think I think a kefark will break out.

SPEAKER_04 16:01

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Alright, so Brian, quickly tell so this is a a date that kind of has like a surbr a surprise weirdness, but not as much of a surprise, or not as weird as most of us, but it's pretty weird, right, Brian? Very weird, yeah, I think so. I mean tell us what happened.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Well, it's it it kind of points back to the point, you know, about the men in uh maturing a little bit later than women do, and uh, you know, it might paint me as a shallow person, but uh at the time I at the time you might have been shallow. I probably was shallow, maybe not. I'm I'm you know, I'm deep now, but I was shallow then. Uh um it was after college, and I was, you know, working at the bank, and I, you know, went out and I met this young uh woman. Her name was Barb, and we'll just use her first name, and she's attractive, thin, um friendly, a little shy. And uh, you know, I we talked and I asked her out. We had a couple cocktails. You had a lot in common with her? Uh not particularly. Um, you know, we we worked well. I mean we're on the shallow scale already. She's attractive. She was nothing in common. She was there. I mean, like, she wasn't she was attractive, but um, she was um and she seemed really nice. You know, she was somebody that I wanted to get to know better.

SPEAKER_04 17:18

Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

Now I went to college with Brian. Brian, did I know her at all? I don't think so. I think it was after college. I don't remember her last night.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

I just wanted to see if I had a lot in common with her. Well, you're both tall. And thin and attractive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Uh but she and she was nice, and she was nice. She was, you know, kind of shy. Um, but we had a good time, you know, and then uh you know, we met at a bar or something and had a couple drinks, and then we decided to go out again. And um Wow, two dates. That's good. Yeah, yeah. But you know, it wasn't so it wasn't like I picked her up. It's like we met again at I think it was called like the melting pot, you know, the little fondue place where you sit down.

SPEAKER_04 18:02

I remember the melting pot. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

I think it was called the melting pot, but um it was on two of the. Do they have fondue places anymore?

SPEAKER_04 18:09

I don't know, but they had a melting pot in uh Hermosa Beach or Manhattan Beach or something for years.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

So if you date double dips, they're out. Yeah, it was a little cheesy at times, but uh but um boom boom. It had a bittersweet ending though. Um but um but uh no, it was a good time. It was a good time. I walked her out to her car like a gentleman, and then uh uh you know gave her a kiss and lasted longer, and she seemed to like it.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, baby. Tagline.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Yeah. There's your tagline, yeah. Yeah, baby. And uh, and uh she smelt really good and she felt really good in my arms.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

And were you like, hey, I'd like to do a very private fondue with you? No.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

She um she actually she actually offered to, you know, she made she made the the uh the offer and she said, you know, I live not too far from here. Would you like to come over? And I said, Sure, you know, you know, and uh so I followed her back to her place and it was uh an apartment complex and um things were going well. I was like thinking, yeah, this is pretty cool. Um, you know, this would be great. And two dates and things are going great. Yeah, yeah, two dates, two dates, and you know, it's like you know, I'm trying to take it easy, you know, instead of getting too excited and stuff, but uh and I think the key point of this date is she asked you over.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

She offered. Yeah, I mean like man, listen up. That's an important thing.

SPEAKER_04 19:42

Oh, you're always picking on the guys.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Okay, so she offers, and you say she offered, I followed her, and I I went over there, and then uh we walked in her apartment, and um I was kind of speechless, and not in a good way.

SPEAKER_03 19:57

Were there cats lined up?

SPEAKER_02 19:59

No. That's another episode.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Dead bodies?

SPEAKER_02 20:02

No, it was impeccable, it was clean. Oh, okay. But it was a wicker warehouse.

SPEAKER_04 20:11

Was it the 80s?

SPEAKER_02 20:13

Everything was wicker. Everything was wicker.

SPEAKER_04 20:17

It happened in the 80s. I think there was a lot of people who had that. Fudge. Sorry, guys. The Golden Girls had a Wicker Palace.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

No, this is all Wickers, it's all Wicker, it was like over-the-top wicker, it was name all name all the wicker things off the top of your head. She was like the Vicker of Wicker. I mean, she had the Vicker. She had peacock chairs, you know, the type of chairs that have the big, huge lollipop thing. They're really, really tall and they fall over easy.

unknown 20:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

I'm like a 220-pound guy, you know. I was like worried about sitting on it. And they have those little tiny thin cushions that have the strings to tie at the back, which really aren't crazy.

SPEAKER_04 20:52

And the coffee table with the glass being.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

No, she had thin tables that were wicker elephants. Did she have wicker ottomans too? No, she had wicker ottomans, but she had a wicker chase lounge. Oh, wicker lamp and wicker lampshades.

SPEAKER_04 21:08

So wait a minute, wicker lamp, what are you telling me that this killed the deal for you?

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 21:15

What?

SPEAKER_02 21:15

I couldn't get past that. Because wait, with a wicker, did she have a wicker wicker toilet seat? No, she had a wicker like over the toilet What if she was just renting it?

SPEAKER_04 21:26

What if it was like came out?

SPEAKER_02 21:27

No, it was turned off. It was all her wicker.

SPEAKER_04 21:30

All her wicker.

SPEAKER_03 21:31

Now, did you get far enough into the date that you noticed that her bed had a wicker headboard?

SPEAKER_02 21:36

It did have a wicker headboard.

SPEAKER_04 21:38

Wait a minute, wait a minute. So you said that it was the deal breaker for you, but you still slept with her?

SPEAKER_02 21:43

No, I didn't sleep with her. I saw the bed. Listen, it was there was no nothing.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

You would not have wanted you anyway, because your penis was not made of wicker.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 21:54

I don't think that's how that goes.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

I uh Yeah, it was like a frightened turtle. Um She had wicker trash cans. She had a wicker laundry basket. No, listen, she had a wicker hanging pendant egg bat egg chair. Oh, an egg basket. No, well, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

So, all right. So, look, I just this could I don't know if Brian is being shallow here. I mean, this could just be a public service. Like, if you're collecting wicker, it could be a deal breaker.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

It wasn't a big thing. We're teaching the people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Let's be clear. It wasn't rattan. It's not like you know, I see a lot of rattan down here in the Florida Keys.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

Yeah, it's very nice. Capital area, Miami.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

It's really, really nice. It's classy. I'm talking about like thin little wicker painted white. Painted white.

SPEAKER_04 22:45

I I it's exactly that's why.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Couldn't it be that maybe she got a deal on this wicker? She might not have had a lot of money. And like this is it. She she had to do wicker.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

So she liked to went to like uh wicker rooms to rent?

SPEAKER_04 22:59

Or maybe her mother or grandmother gave it to her because they were like, here's some free furniture.

SPEAKER_03 23:03

Because that's also a dead giveaway, too. Like, if people have like outdoor patio furniture as their indoor furniture, then you know that says something.

SPEAKER_04 23:12

I'm telling you, it was a thing in the 80s. Are we talking about the 80s or the 90s?

SPEAKER_02 23:16

It was the yes, late it was early 90s, yes.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

Early 90s.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Oh, so it might have been actually out-of-date wicker.

SPEAKER_04 23:23

It was the golden girl error, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Yeah, no, it was it was it was uh it was a wicker wasteland, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_03 23:30

Now, was was this person that Barb? Was she the age of one of the golden girls? I mean, that would make sense. No, no, no. She was young.

SPEAKER_04 23:37

We were yeah, she said early 20s, thin, pretty. Wait, wait. So tell us this. How did you say to her, I want to know how you said, how'd you get out of there? Because you're in there, you know you're in there to fool around, and then you say, I'm sorry, you have too much wicker.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Did you say, when's the last time you had regular furniture in this table?

SPEAKER_02 23:59

No, it was like uh, you know, it was the basket case of a day.

SPEAKER_04 24:05

Is that what you said to her? Listen, I'm a basket case. I gotta do it.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

No, I was just I bit my tongue.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

I wasn't like it, you know, it wasn't like the time when if she actually had a wicker casket, I would marry that girl.

SPEAKER_04 24:17

Listen, I want to know what you said to her to get out of the apartment without hurting her feelings.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

I didn't leave right away. I like I said, she came inside and um she got had a drink, or we gave me a drink or something, and she showed me the place, and I'm like, oh yeah, this is wicker way did you go? This is nice. We we we weaved her way through the apartment.

SPEAKER_04 24:40

Oh, this poor woman.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Yeah, and she had a wicker kitchen set. Like a wicker table and wicker chairs at the kitchen. And she had wicker placements? Yeah, no, but she had those little matchy matchy. She had the wicker things that you used to support paper plates.

SPEAKER_04 24:58

Oh, I remember those.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

Yeah, the picnic wicker.

SPEAKER_04 25:01

Yeah, yeah. You would put my my grandmother had those. You would just at the beach house, we would the paper plates inside of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

Jackie kind of loves this wicker thing.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

I'm missing the 80s right now. This is making me nostalgic.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Much wicker.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

We didn't have any wicker in my house.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Now, 220 pounds if you would have sat on the wicker chair and it would have like broken under you. Did would she have been uh upset? Would that have been her deal breaker?

SPEAKER_02 25:30

I don't know, but I was I think I mean I was very cautious when I sat down.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

So wait, we still haven't we haven't found out how you left. Like, what excuse? Did you make an excuse?

SPEAKER_02 25:41

I have a headache. No, I had to get it.

SPEAKER_03 25:43

I've got to go home and feed the dog.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

I've got a wicker. I've used that one before, but uh had to I've absolutely used that one before. Uh no, I just I stayed as long as I could. I wasn't, you know, I was over I, you know, was you know, the wicker had a wicker withdrawal. You know, I was able to adjust, you know, my you know, blood pressure, my breathing, and uh my yoga and meditation.

SPEAKER_04 26:08

You regulated, you regulated. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

My yoga muscle memory kicked in, and uh I would you know I didn't want to offend her, and I um stayed a little you know a little bit longer, you know, drank uh I don't know, it wasn't an alcohol drink, it might have been water or uh soda or something like that. And uh I had a long drive because this is in Wilmington. She was in Wilmington like right off 202 where the melting pot was. And uh I had to drive back to Newark. So she knew I had uh a a bit of a drive back. So New York's Delaware? Oh, it's Delaware.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Oh Delaware.

unknown 26:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

So it's the thing with wicker furniture, right? Like, say like you're like tired and you need a little nap. You wake up with all those painful indents. Yeah, the red lines. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:55

Poor girl.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

All right. Well, thank you for being on the show, Wicker Man.

SPEAKER_04 26:59

And uh Brian for letting the women know they shouldn't have too much wicker.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

That is a war that is a warning, and I think it's very, very helpful, especially in this day and age. Yeah, wicker warning.

SPEAKER_04 27:09

No wicker.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

Wicker warning. Thanks, Brian. Thanks, Brian.

SPEAKER_04 27:15

Keep up the city.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

Uh I I could use a date in this town.

SPEAKER_04 27:20

Oh, okay. Key West. We're gonna move. Beautiful Florida Keys.

SPEAKER_02 27:25

And you guys come right down through the Keys, hit me up.

SPEAKER_04 27:28

We'll hit you up.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

We're Tom Mallet.

SPEAKER_04 27:30

I've always wanted to see him in Wade's house. Okay, bye.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Oh, come down here. We'll have we'll have a wicked good time. See ya.

SPEAKER_04 27:38

Thanks, Brian.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

Bye, everyone. Bye, Brian. So, Jackie was that was that was fun, but it wasn't a disaster.

SPEAKER_04 27:46

It was not a disaster. He was nice about it, right? He wasn't mean. He said he had to go feed the dog or something. Yeah, like But it was a disaster in that, like, he let he let the women.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

It was a weirdness disaster.

SPEAKER_04 27:59

What if he had had sex with that woman and it was the best sex he'd ever had in his whole life, and he'll never know because of wicker.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Then he wouldn't be on this show, he'd be in he'd be in wicker heaven for the He'd be like He'd have Wicker. He'd be like, honey, I wish they would make wicker cars.

SPEAKER_04 28:19

You know, what if she was like, why didn't he like me? It's because I'm ugly, or it's because I don't wear this, or because I don't look right, I don't talk right, or she could have beaten her whole self up trying to figure out what was wrong with her when really it was just the wicker furniture.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

Since I'm always in this the guess get rich quick scheme mode. What about like clothing made of wicker, like sort of like a coat of arms that's wicker, like a protective wicker?

SPEAKER_04 28:46

That's not comfortable, Tim. No one's going to buy clothes.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

That's Brian's point. Nothing in that house was comfortable.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

Right, but I'm saying she's gonna think it's about her personally. She's gonna take it in as, oh, he didn't like me. And he absolutely didn't care. It wasn't about her, it was about her choice in furniture. And that's sad. That's sad for me. I went on her and go, it wasn't you, it wasn't you.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

It was just It's like a Batman villain, the wicker woman.

SPEAKER_04 29:14

Right. The wicker woman.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Alright, so that's a gr that was a great fun show today, Jackie.

SPEAKER_04 29:21

That was a great fun show today, Timothy.

SPEAKER_03 29:23

Our guests saved us.

SPEAKER_04 29:25

They did.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

They saved today. To be a guest See again, the show is fun. You don't have to have a spectacular story, just as long as it's a good story. But to be a guest, you can write to us at thetudeeans at gmail.com or oh, mine!

SPEAKER_04 29:44

Uh I don't remember what mine is.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

Dean and Dawes Podcast.

SPEAKER_04 29:48

I'm the worst ADHD dumb dog.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Have you logged on to this to see if there's been any comments?

SPEAKER_04 29:53

I do check. I do check to see if we get email, and we do get some every once in a while. It's at the Dean and Dawes Podcast at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

And you can text us through the show, through the app that you're listening to the show, and you can also leave us a leave us some voicemail.

SPEAKER_04 30:08

You can leave us voicemail. Say something nice.

SPEAKER_03 30:11

That would be nice. And then again, this was awesome. Good week, good show, Jackie. See you next week. All right. See you next week. Bye-bye.