DEAN AND DAWES: Fly Solo-Drunk and On Drugs

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy “Dean” Gager

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Show notes

Guest: Dean and Dawes Fly Solo

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy Gager

1)     Dating model will decrease dating and kill our podcast. 

2)     Dean and Dawes are drunk? On speed? Cartoon characters?

3)     Coming soon: New Segment: Man In the Keys

4)     The Deer Park Tavern  https://www.deerparktavern.com/

5)     Stone Balloon   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDS5hX5H4EA

6)     Listener Feedback

7)     The “Wokeness” of Dean and Dawes---and gender stuff seriousness 

8)     App Time –FAKE ONE: Last Straw

9)     More on Facebook Dating

10)  Dean and Dawes recall the “Birds and the Bees” talk

Jackie Dawes is a Teacher, writer, ADHD survivor, Imposter …somewhere Ms. Kursman is laughing hysterically.

Timothy “Dean” Gager has published 20 books of fiction and poetry, which includes his latest novel, The Shadows of the Seen. He hosted the successful Dire Literary Series in Cambridge, MA from 2001 to 2018, and started a weekly virtual series in 2020. He has had over 1000 works of fiction and poetry published, 18 nominations for the Pushcart Prize. His work also has been nominated twice for a Massachusetts Book Award, The Best of the Web, The Best Small Fictions Anthology and has been read on National Public Radio. 

 The 2 Deans produced by Timothy Gager

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

If you want MERCH. Dean and Dawes Sweatshirts ($45), and t-shirts ($30)

 The 2 Deans produced by The Oddball Foundation

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Brian O'Neill here in beautiful Florida Keys, and you're listening to the two Deans, Dating, Dread, and Disasters. What I really want to ask you all is when's the last time you had a date in this town?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

The falling podcast are the opinions and satire of Dean.

SPEAKER_05 0:16

And Dean. And maybe some truth.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And in no way represents the opinions and lack of satire of anyone else but ourselves.

SPEAKER_05 0:26

But the people might be true. The story you're about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

One, two, three, four.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

Three, two, one!

SPEAKER_05 1:01

You did it the double countdown, just like we said we would. Awesome. You know what? We've got all these great new segments, and one's gonna be the countdown. Every week there's gonna be a countdown.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

And what are we counting down to?

SPEAKER_05 1:18

One. From three.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

So there's there's no countdown to anything of significant.

SPEAKER_05 1:25

Well, we count down so that way when we like hit the record button, we're right there.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

And we know to start.

SPEAKER_05 1:31

There's no dead air.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Boom, boom, boom. Got it. Now I understand it a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 1:36

So that's good. I mean, we got the we got the countdown, and um, so we don't have a guest tonight. We're gonna talk.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Oh no, no, guest.

SPEAKER_05 1:45

You want to talk about because we had to reschedule a bunch of times, and then when the guests could come, we couldn't. And then when they could come, we couldn't, and then when we could come, they couldn't. It's kind of like a bad relationship. Only one person comes at a time.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

It's a disaster, it's a dating disaster. It is. I have had I've had a lot of disasters in the last week, so they're like kind of personal, and so I've been, yeah, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 2:10

But it's okay because I did discover something kind of fun though.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

What did you discover? That's exciting.

SPEAKER_05 2:16

In including uh I when I even like asked some former guests that said they had a couple stories.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_05 2:23

And but some of them are like, Look, I'm just done. I'm done with dating. I'm done with apps. So a lot of people are just done.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Yeah, no, I think that that's I think that's what we're coming to. Like, it's hard to they're just not fun. It's not fun. The apps are not fun, it's not set up for having an organic moment.

SPEAKER_05 2:47

And then people aren't even doing organic stuff.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

No, I I I think that hopefully we will start maybe going out and being more out into the world because I don't know. The AI scares us so much, and then apps are scary, and the dating disasters don't make it any more fun. So I can see while people are like, well, yeah, we discouraged. We're not making it any easier on them because we're telling them about disasters, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 3:12

It's kind of like the Spotify business model, right? That uh that they have to keep paying the artists, but not enough people are signing up. So in our business model, we promote dating disasters so no one wants to date, and then we don't have guests.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

And then we don't have anyone who wants to come on the show to talk about their disasters because they don't have them anymore. Like, no, no, I don't, I I don't I don't I don't date. They're not either in a relationship or I'm not, but I don't go on dates.

SPEAKER_05 3:35

The not dating disaster, like, oh yeah, what was your not dating disaster? Well, I stream Netflix.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

We might have to just we might have to call it relationship disasters because they are still getting into relationships.

SPEAKER_05 3:47

Sure. They're just not going on dates from relationship disasters tend to be really sad, like someone was abusive or like they cheated. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

I know, but if they're not gonna go on dates anymore, what are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_05 4:01

Yeah, so well, non-dates, right? So I'm I was helping someone in recovery. Okay, and I mean I helped them get to go to meetings and whatnot, but like I I've actually learned a lot to not go after vulnerable people because that's wrong. And and like women new in recovery are very vulnerable. But you can tell, like, you know, they were vulnerable and they they they looked at me and they went, How old are you? And usually when a gal asks a guy how old they are, they're kind of sizing them up if for an age range.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 4:33

So I was honest, and uh she was like, Wow, I thought you were 35. I had to show her my ID.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

Look at you getting a compliment.

unknown 4:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

That's a nice thing.

SPEAKER_05 4:45

It is a nice thing. So I think though, not drinking is kind of the fountain of youth, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Oh, probably. I I don't know. I I I It's a makeover. So I I know a few people who are really good at drinking that do look young for their age. But for the most part, I do think not drinking helps everything. And speaking of not great inflammation, yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_05 5:07

Speaking of not drinking, this is really, really funny. So this is uh it's not it is listener feedback, but we're not gonna put it in the listener feedback segment because it's so damn funny.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Alright, damn funny. Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_05 5:21

So someone said I was listening to the show and you guys sounded drunk.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

Oh. Okay, well um.

SPEAKER_05 5:28

And they said then I then I realized I had set my phone app to the podcast at half speed. Uh so this is what we sounded like drunk. Are you ready?

SPEAKER_03 5:41

I'm ready to hear it.

SPEAKER_05 5:42

Here we alright. This was recorded last week. Here we go.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

That was really fun, actually.

SPEAKER_05 5:49

We're gonna have the top 10 countdown of countdowns.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

I think I was good at it. Okay, I wish that it was recording my countdown. I don't ask how good it was. That's how good it was.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 6:18

So yeah, we sound super drunk.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

We absolutely sound drunk.

SPEAKER_05 6:23

That's we're having a drunk conversation.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 6:27

And again, we're talking like a freaking countdown.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

We're gonna I think it was good. That's bad. That's bad. I I'm glad they fixed the problem. That's that is very funny, though.

SPEAKER_05 6:40

So if you wanna hear us What do we sound like speed it up? Oh, can we do we can do that?

SPEAKER_01 6:45

I don't know. I want to hear me sound. I wanna hear the sound.

SPEAKER_05 6:47

I can do that right now. So uh, so uh if you wanna hear our show as if we're drinking, put it at half speed. I don't have no idea what this sounds like.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Let's hear it. So I'm gonna go three, two, one, three, two, and that's gonna be good. I don't know what's gonna be.

SPEAKER_05 7:04

We have a guest tonight.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

I don't know what you're expecting because this guest has to be. Too fast, too fast, too fast, too fast.

SPEAKER_05 7:12

Let's try let's try it a little bit better.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Oh no, but this is the last time.

SPEAKER_05 7:16

Alright, we'll try it. Maybe this is better. Say what's wrong with us, but it's not that's not what the show's gonna be too.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

No, it's not. It's not gonna be fun like that. But hopefully they have a pretty good story.

SPEAKER_05 7:23

Oh, wait, they have a great story. I already know it, and uh you don't, so you're gonna be surprised. So that's us, uh that's up to you.

SPEAKER_03 7:29

I'm like a cartoon character. I think that we should people should listen to us at fast speed.

SPEAKER_05 7:33

That's then the show the show will run quicker.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Yeah, yeah, and they'll hear all the good stuff, but they can go fast. I I don't mind.

SPEAKER_05 7:41

And all the people that are complaining that the show's no longer a half an hour, so the episode that just dropped was 40 something minutes. So how about how about they if they listen to it in double time, it's only 22 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

That can be our answer to them. Like, hey, then just speed it up, dude.

SPEAKER_05 7:56

And if they want to go on a long drive, they can have they can do the drunk half speed.

SPEAKER_03 8:05

That was very that was good.

SPEAKER_05 8:06

That was I that's that's hilarious. And I it's almost, I mean, I'm sure I sounded like that.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Yeah, did not. You did not sound drunk when I no, no, in real life.

SPEAKER_05 8:17

You've never seen me drunk, so no.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Oh, you mean when you were drunk? You sound you think you sounded like that.

SPEAKER_05 8:23

I think I sounded like that after maybe like 20 drinks.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Wow. I don't I've never had 20 drinks. I would not know.

SPEAKER_05 8:30

Yeah, I'm thinking that. So we're warming up for the news segment.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Okay, what's that gonna be?

SPEAKER_05 8:40

The man in the keys. Like the man on the street.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

The man in the keys.

SPEAKER_05 8:45

So Brian's gonna send us one quick question and answer, less than a minute with one person. And uh he's gonna so we've hinted at that. He's gonna send it to us, but it involves he's asked to record something, send us an MP3 or an MP4 file. So I'm I'm not um I'm not optimistic, but but this is a good idea. Are we gonna hear it right now?

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Are we gonna hear it? Are we gonna hear it?

SPEAKER_05 9:10

Not yet, because we haven't recorded anything. But I also said if they have more than one statement and start telling a story, get to get that person on the show, direct them.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Absolutely. That's a great idea.

SPEAKER_05 9:21

But he also said um he had said here, um, this is really, really important. He said, he thinks by doing this, it could cause our listeners to spike because if they know they're going to be on the show, oh, I see. They'll have to listen.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

Well, that is interesting. Uh let's see. Let's see how that goes. Tell Brian, that's very cool.

SPEAKER_05 9:48

So maybe if we can have Brian asking 30 questions and then we can get 30 new listeners a week.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

I think you're gonna give Brian a lot of work there.

SPEAKER_05 9:56

It's Bait and Switch. Well, the other thing, too, if he's only asking one question that's less than a minute, he can probably do a whole year's worth in like one or two afternoons.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

That's possible. Absolutely possible.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

So that's super helpful. So we look forward to it.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

I'm looking looking forward to that. Brian in the keys giving us some information. I like it.

SPEAKER_05 10:17

Yeah, I think some of the questions are gonna be like, do you like wicker?

SPEAKER_03 10:20

Or no, stop it, poor, poor.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

What do you think of chloroform? You know, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

No.

SPEAKER_05 10:27

Have you ever been chloroformed?

SPEAKER_01 10:29

I haven't. Have you?

SPEAKER_05 10:30

No. Actually, again, we'll go deep. We're gonna deep dive into my uh my uh drug and alcohol use. I I I did ether one.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

Okay, so that is a but you volunteer voluntarily did that. So not like someone coming up from behind you and like grabbing you with a rag with chloroform on it.

SPEAKER_05 10:53

No, I said we did ether that was stolen from the science department, and it was really it just didn't feel good. But the next day, even no matter how many times you showered, the smell of ether would come through your pores. So I was sitting like in a lecture, just sting and then people are like, what's that smell?

SPEAKER_03 11:12

What is e what does it smell like?

SPEAKER_05 11:15

Oh god, it's it's very unique. It sort of smells like it smells like a just very chemically. It's very chemical.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

Got it. Well, okay. I think your body did a good job of processing it. That's why you were smelling it, so it's alright. You you survived it. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but yeah, that's an You weren't kidding around when you were in college, huh?

SPEAKER_05 11:36

No, I wasn't kidding around at all.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

You were going for the good stuff, huh?

SPEAKER_05 11:40

I mean, my dates in college, if we're gonna talk about disaster dates, was like let's start on one. I would tell my dates, let's start at one end of campus and have one drink at every bar along the way.

SPEAKER_03 11:52

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_05 11:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

That's kind of cool. Did you have a name for that row? Like, like the that whole area of bars? Was it a special name?

SPEAKER_05 12:01

Well, I had the favorite. No, the uh Delaware didn't have a name, but Delaware had some really like good places to go. Like the Deer Park was my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

Got it, got it. Shout out to the deer park!

SPEAKER_05 12:12

Yeah, that's still around. It's been around for actually Edgar Allan Poe used to drink there, so it's been around that long.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 12:18

That's kind of it's got a raven, yeah. Their logo is a raven.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

That's neat. I'm I'm I'm I'm liking it. Count out.

SPEAKER_05 12:26

And the other was the Stone Balloon, and the Stone Balloon went, I think it ended up it closed like 30 years ago. Thank God for that. That was a really weird place.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

Oh, you you're not you were not a fan of that one?

SPEAKER_05 12:37

Well, it wasn't one of those places. I mean, it it's like a small concert venue, but they didn't have good concerts. They had a lot of like cover bands, so it just and like a lot of I don't know, it was the people that I didn't hang out with tended to go to that place.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

I see. Those are non it was a non-cool bar. Which might have made it a good place. I don't still remember. Maryland had Santa Fe and the cellar and every town, every college campus had the cellar.

SPEAKER_05 13:06

There was always the cellar.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

Cellar had 25 cent pictures on Monday nights.

SPEAKER_05 13:10

25 cents.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

25 cent pictures of beer on Monday nights. And then there was Santa Fe. There was a bunch. There were, but I can only remember those two.

unknown 13:19

So there you go.

SPEAKER_05 13:21

Alright. Um, so now we're ready for the real listener feedback.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

Uh-oh, the real listener feedback is it happy, sad?

SPEAKER_05 13:29

One doesn't make sense.

unknown 13:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

That's that'll be at least interesting.

SPEAKER_05 13:34

Maybe you can, maybe you can figure this out since I guess the theme of the show is um recovery. So uh this showed up in the two deans at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 13:49

I'm committed to staying clean. Court order. My brain is at a stop sign.

SPEAKER_03 13:57

I am committed to clean.

SPEAKER_05 13:59

Yeah, how many were.

SPEAKER_03 14:00

Is that a haiku? I'm trying to count. Is it a haiku?

SPEAKER_05 14:03

I'm committed to staying. No, and it's saying clean.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

It does sound like poetry, right?

SPEAKER_05 14:11

It does. So maybe it's some poetry. Maybe it's somebody, maybe it's someone. I'll respond. I said, is this show related? Do you want to be on the show? Nothing. I think it's just it's someone punking me, I think.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Nah. Oh. You mean like they're why would they be punking you?

SPEAKER_05 14:28

Why? Why?

SPEAKER_03 14:29

Why ask why? No, no, no. Maybe, but I think they sent us poetry. And you know what? Thanks for the poem. We love it. Cool. Peace out.

SPEAKER_05 14:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

What's next? That was weird. I don't have an answer for you, but it does sound like they sent a poem.

SPEAKER_05 14:44

Alright. Um here's the other one. Um and it's more about me, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:54

It said, it said, I don't know how you survive in a woke world, but somehow you're surviving.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

You think that one was for you, not me?

SPEAKER_05 15:08

No, they were they were a little specific about some of my stuff.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

But I Oh, so you don't really give us the entire feedback when you give us listener feedback.

SPEAKER_05 15:15

Oh, so alright, so this had to do with remember when I said that the uh so there was the woman brewer whose beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

Got it, got it.

SPEAKER_05 15:24

And uh, and I said uh, you know, she had a deep voice, so I assumed, and you were like, you can't say that. And so the person said that that was not very woke. And I I still don't know if it's it's I mean, I was at I was at the brewery today to get my coffee, and I introduced her because we've sort of developed this friendship based on the asking out of the ex-girlfriend.

SPEAKER_04 15:49

Got it, got it, got it.

SPEAKER_05 15:51

So uh I uh brought a coworker up to get coffee, and I said hello to the to the brewer, and she and she asked me, she was like, hello. So uh my friend was like, she's got a really deep voice. So yeah, so it was kind of like that.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

So I told you you're not allowed to assume, and then this person is saying you're surviving in a um, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:18

I'm surviving. My comments are surviving in a woke well, but uh is comedy woke? Like comedy kind of goes wherever you're gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

I think you're not well, I think some people are getting cancelled for for not being woke enough. I think that that's a big thing right now, and it's hard for comics to feel comfortable talking about the things that they're normally used to talking about. So I get it. And maybe they were commenting on me, like, why should why did you have to say that? Maybe I shouldn't have made it so woke for you. Maybe they didn't like that. But I don't know. Yeah, you know, it might have been like, why does Jackie always have to be so woke? I'm I I don't know that I am so I mean maybe I'm just becoming trying. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 16:54

Yeah, maybe I'm just becoming that old person that uses outdating terms.

SPEAKER_03 16:59

No, it I think when it comes around the topic of gender and applying characteristics to gender, it's really dicey because there are new rules in play, and then you have some people who are very old school saying no, those rules should not apply, and you've got people on all through the spectrum trying to trying to maneuver through. So, really, there's a lot makes sense.

SPEAKER_05 17:24

When people promote their gender preferences either uh purposefully or subliminally, I think it's it's okay to assume like uh there's a certain way that people might dress that that can be a giveaway, or they might have a look. Right. Someone if you know, I think like you know, I think that it some assumptions are easier than others, and we can't always say that you can never assume anything, because I think mentally people assume that anyway, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Well, I think the assumptions or the uh cliches or the characteristics that have been placed in our mind, because like then people can go, they'll go all the way down to gender is a society, it's a construct, right? Yeah, of course. They they can make it into this whole big thing, and your mind knows what your mind knows. Yes, that's all you can only go from what your brain works on. But there are people in this world that will tell you, because what if you were just born with a deep voice? I have someone in my life who has a very they're uh a male and they're lovely, but they consider themselves to be very masculine. However, the voice the right but the voice that they were given from the universe isn't a very it's a very high voice. They don't take steroids, there's no weird, it's just a that they've had it since they were a little kid. But when they go through a drive-thru and they talk and order their hamburger French try, whatever, the person always assumes they're a woman. Yeah, they go drive-thru ma'am or something like that, and it really bothers this person. And it's like, how dare they assume that? But the reality is the voice, if you take away the vision, the visual of it, can sound feminine. And yet then people will say, Well, how dare you say what feminine is? So it it's a sp it can go it it become the spider web. Like it grows and grows to the point where people don't know what to think or do. So when you told me that you assumed she was gay because she had a deep voice, and I said, Well, you can't assume that just because of their voice. But probably for me, it's because what I know from this person whose voice is high and they've lived a life of getting their feelings hurt by being misgendered in places where you can't see them. On the phone, if he's if he's talking to someone on the phone, they will assume he's a woman, and it makes him so mad.

SPEAKER_05 19:47

But there's also there's also other assumptions too. Like, I mean, that person that wrote that email to us was assuming how I act or feel or think. In college, I was actually, me and my friend, we were part in the college yearbook, we were because we were such good friends with the members, there was a club in college called the Newark, Newark Delaware again, New York League of Fascinating Women. And it was the Gay Lesbian Club. And this is like uh you know in the 80s, right? 80s it wasn't but me and my friend Mike, like we we hung out with folks and like they were like our friends, and they said, Hey, yearbook picture, why don't you guys be in the yearbook picture with us? So, like, there's a certain I people can't assume that I don't accept or I'm a certain person when in fact, you know, I I think that I am liberal-minded, and all I want is people just to be happy, be happy with who you are.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Right, and and the I I think it could be that that that email could have been taken a lot of ways. They could have been coming at me for being woke, they could have been coming at you for for the comment of the assumption. Who knows? We don't even know. But the reality is I think we're both kind of pretty liberal. Yeah, and then the other thing too is like sorry, sorry folks who are not liberal doesn't have a lot of people.

SPEAKER_05 21:04

Sorry, person about pretty woke.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Our politics are different, that's all.

SPEAKER_05 21:08

And all we have to say about woke is woke's got nothing to do with anything these days. Woke was originally created for African American.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

So, like I enjoy the term woke. I just think it's been stolen by people to make it a negative connotation. And in my mind, if you aspire to be woke, you that's a positive thing. And so I can't, I'm not gonna argue with people, I'm just gonna ignore all the ha ha assumptions. Anyhow, we're getting too crazy and serious. This is a serious conversation. All right, so let's do so.

SPEAKER_05 21:37

Let's not get serious and we can talk about the free idea, the free app. Are we ready for this? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

Are you ready for this?

SPEAKER_05 21:52

Let's see if I can nail it.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Boom, boom.

SPEAKER_05 21:55

Here we go. Oh, can we do maybe uh can we do a countdown?

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

Alright. Three, two, one.

unknown 22:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 22:16

Did it play?

SPEAKER_03 22:17

It played. It played and I heard it. There was a teeny tiny delay, and I I might have laughed for half a second, but I don't think it'll show up on the thing.

SPEAKER_05 22:24

That's good. So we we did it. We successfully did it. You did it, you got it.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

I think that countdown helped.

SPEAKER_05 22:29

And this has to do with acceptance of others.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

Oh god, we're just gonna go with the flu. All right.

SPEAKER_05 22:37

No, but it's it's different. So the the app that you can develop, it's called The Last Straw.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 22:45

And so, like, this is what you do on your profile is you write, like, when you're in a relationship, what was the last straw? And if people relate to that and identify, or if you're not a person that has that characteristic, they say the last straw was I was tired of how much they uh I was tired of them interrupting people, and the last straw was when they he interrupted my boss at a company thing. That was the last straw.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

Oh yeah, I have last straws. Do you have last straws?

SPEAKER_05 23:14

Uh, usually it's accumulation. The the last straw for me is like it could be anything as if I'm dissatisfied in the relationship. It could be like they're breathing.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

Oh my god. I always remember my last straws, and I I remember one of the biggest ones was my my um brother had been in a car accident and he was three hours away, and I I was I needed a ride home, and so my boyfriend happened to be in the same like resort town, and as uh I I called him and I was like, so I kind of need like um maybe you could help me get home, and he was like, Oh yeah, but I'm kind of here with my friends. Oh and my brother was in a coma, like it wasn't a little thing, and so my very one of my very best friends who had probably been tripping on acid or something. I was sobbing.

SPEAKER_05 24:04

It was awful, and that was you could have sung, you could have sung him the Smiths song. Which one would Rubber in a coma? I know. It's fucking serious, give me a ride.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

Awful, awful. I do like the Smiths, but yeah. No, not even The Smiths.

SPEAKER_05 24:26

Yeah. We'll talk about you said you might have a brief disaster. I can talk about a brief disaster to you.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_05 24:34

It has to I just thought of it because of the Smiths. Again, I'm going back into my college days. So this is how, this is how like a one of so I was doing a lot of cocaine in this one. This is like the the Dean's drug episode. That's what it's gonna be called.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

It's the woke sober episode. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 24:53

So I was uh hanging out with this gal, and you know, she was party partying. It's loosely the word partying because it was kind of miserable. And so all I all we were doing was snorting and listening to the Smiths like for hours and hours. And so when she left, she told a friend that I was stuck in the Smiths room with Tim Cacher. So that was her disaster.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

That was her disaster for you. Oh, you know, there's just some it's kind of dreamy, but it is definitely melancholy.

SPEAKER_05 25:31

In November, they'll all have 16 years clean and sober, so that's congratulations.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

That's very cool. That's very cool.

SPEAKER_05 25:38

So, do you have anything to pull out of your bag of uh of dates? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Um, I mean, I have a lot of disaster dates, but I don't know which ones I have and haven't talked about on air.

SPEAKER_05 25:49

I mean, we have a close someone that had appeared on air with us that are in close proximity to your microphone, but they were another refusal.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

They refused to come on today. Uh she just put her foot up at me. Like, no. And by the way, she's the one that had to drive me the three hours. Not that she would ever And was she on acid?

unknown 26:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:11

Look at this. It's the drug show. Demon dog's drug hour.

SPEAKER_03 26:15

That was quite a ride. I'm like sobbing, freaking out, like talking to God, trying to make my brother stay alive till I can get there. And and she's just sitting there trying to stay on the road. Just holding the show.

SPEAKER_05 26:25

There is help out there.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

There was listening disaster drive.

SPEAKER_05 26:29

Uh for those of you who's listening to the show, there is a solution.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

We there is. We're I mean, I'm I I yeah. So, I mean, I I I am not sober, but I don't drink very much.

SPEAKER_05 26:41

No, you're you're social. I mean, social drinkers are social drinkers. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 26:45

I don't I don't know that I'm a social drinker. I mean what do you do? What's it called if you have a glass of wine every six months or so?

SPEAKER_05 26:52

I mean, not even a social drinker.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

Well, what kind of drinker is that? I don't not drink, but I don't regularly drink, or even kind of occasionally drink. I just have a drink if I want one, and I don't have a drink if I don't want one.

SPEAKER_05 27:04

I think that's non-classified. You're basically a non-drinker.

SPEAKER_03 27:06

I am an unclassified an unclassified one. I do have a dating disaster situation that I can talk about really quick. And uh it's only we've talked about it before. It it keeps getting worse and worse. I am matching with so many people on Facebook dating. Oh, you guys are not gonna be able to do that. I have not matched. I'm not pushing match or like or anything. But now every day I'll tell you these names. These names are very intriguing, but I don't know who they are, and I can't respond to them.

SPEAKER_05 27:38

Give their last names too, please.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

Uh, it doesn't tell you their last names. It doesn't even let you see their profile. It just says that they that you matched or that you like them.

SPEAKER_05 27:45

Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute. Back up. So Facebook is a site that has profiles and they have a dating app, but you can't see a profile on the website.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

You can't see each other's profile until you agree to let each other see their profile. So I think that's how that works. Like you are.

SPEAKER_05 28:01

Oh, I think you should do that, and I'm not hitting any no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

There's too much about me that's public information, anyways. But listen, Kelly, David, Hani, Justin, Aaron, Matt, Lawrence, Daniel, Juan, Carlos, Gil, I have not matched with these people.

SPEAKER_05 28:17

I've been everywhere, man. I've been everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

But I want to know how I'm getting matched. And now I'm thinking that my ex-boyfriend is like jumping into my Facebook and matching me with all these people. That's how ridiculous. So can you message matching me with these people?

SPEAKER_05 28:35

Can you message these people and say, and you don't even have to meet or see them to say, I run a disaster dating podcast. Do you have any stories?

SPEAKER_03 28:45

Hey, potential match, just in case things don't work out with us, would you come on our podcast to talk about other people? Yeah, we can I mean I'm grooming. I don't want to respond to these people because I don't know them. And it's just like reason the reason why people aren't going on the apps anymore because it's weird.

SPEAKER_05 29:02

You're not dating.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

No. I mean I I I I don't know how to explain that. It's funny. I I I have people in my life that I would fool around with and that I care about and things like that and stuff, but the dating thing, like with the apps, that's I think what maybe we're heading toward like a friends with benefits generation. May Maybe, but yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I think we might be in that era, because our age group a lot of people they're kind of stuck in their ways. They're kind of in a place financially where they don't want to take some huge hit or loss of a divorce, and they don't want to have more kids, right? Like so, but it's funny because the men who are my age, that's very interesting because the women that they want are baby making ages, but they're kind of like, but I don't want to have any more kids. So I I don't know what to tell them. I just yeah, that's I don't know what to tell my friends that are like that because I'm like, well, then you're gonna have to maybe consider dating someone in your own age group, and that's just unfathomable.

SPEAKER_05 30:04

Well, it is a tr it is a trap though, and I don't mean this in a negative way, so like they get so you they're not of they're old for men to have kids, but they want the baby maker age for females. What usually happens is the men say no, and then they fall in love or they get in a relationship, and then they end they end up having the baby anyway.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Of course, of course they do, and they do still have and then they and then they look the next time you see them and they have the baby and they're like 47 or or 55 and they've got this little toddler, they look 10 years older than the other. Is this your grandchild? Yeah, because like six months later, they're they're so tired and they're so exhausted, but they really wanted to date the younger woman. So, oh, this is this is the cost. Um, so I don't know, it's tricky. I don't know. I guess if I'm doing the Los Angeles age group thing, so I'm 55. If a 55-year-old man is looking for a 35-year-old woman out here, right? So if I were to date the age group that a man would be looking for me, I would have to be finding 75-year-olds and up. And that's just weird to me, because that's my mother and my father's age. So I don't rather know people and fool around with them or do whatever I need to. Like, I I just can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

SPEAKER_05 31:26

So here's here's advice. I'm making advice to older men.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

Hmm. Go for it.

SPEAKER_05 31:31

You have you get a vasectomy, but you don't say anything, and then you're like, I want to have kids with you. Let's go, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

You are you can't be dishonest. You're the whole, like, you're all in the whole thing. You're yeah, you're like, honesty is the most important part of everything. It's a big part of who you are, and then you just told them to be dishonest.

unknown 31:49

No.

SPEAKER_05 31:50

No, I'm just saying, like, that's that's a that's a the big lie. Like, let's have kids right away, and we'll have sex four times a day. And meanwhile, they've had a vasectomy.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

Well, you know what's interesting? The vasectomy doesn't always work.

SPEAKER_05 32:02

I know someone it didn't work with. I do too. I do too.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_05 32:06

It's 99.9% effective. So there's uh there's still some there's still some swimmers who are.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

Still a chance, still a chance.

SPEAKER_05 32:14

They're really strong swimmers, like the salmon going upstream. There they are.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

And I think second and third marriages, I think the the percentages of them being successful go down significantly. And it's already like a crapshoot. So I don't know. I I I wonder how dating's gonna go. What will we change the name to our show? What will we be if no one dates anymore?

SPEAKER_05 32:37

Um, mm-mm, dread and disaster. Anything dread and disaster.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

What if we change the thing? Just dread and disaster. What about happy things? What if we change the thing?

SPEAKER_05 32:48

Dean and Daub's Dread and Disaster.

SPEAKER_03 32:51

Right, yeah, we kind of are that.

SPEAKER_05 32:53

So I've got I got something to actually end the show with. It's a question for you, and it's a good story on my part, too.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

I like it. Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

I would like to know, and if you want me to go first, I will. When you had the talk with your parents or whomever, the talk, the sex talk, right? What was it like and how did it go? And and who did it? Usually by the time you have the talk, you already kind of know what the to what it's about. So, what's your experience?

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Do you want to go first or do you want me to go first?

SPEAKER_05 33:24

What what what are you more comfortable with?

SPEAKER_03 33:26

I don't care. I'm good either way. This is I know this story backwards and forwards, so it's common.

SPEAKER_05 33:31

Alright, I'll then I'll I'll do mine then.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Go for it.

SPEAKER_05 33:34

So no one had the talk with me, right? So what my parents decided to do is I guess the parents in my elementary school got these letters saying there's going to be like a presentation, like a sex ed presentation.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:51

And so it was, it happened to be like at seven or eight o'clock at night, and it was after like little league practice.

unknown 33:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:59

So there was a bunch of kids. I swear there was like a hundred people like in the elementary school cafeteria in little league out outfits.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

In the all-purpose room. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 34:10

And it wasn't a good presentation. It was a film strip. Now, for you younger folks, a film strip is like these stilled pictures on a reel, and it had like a s like a soundtrack and a beep that it told you to go to the next slide.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_05 34:26

So it would be kind of like, and the it basically said, and I was confused the whole frigging time because of course, because you're in elementary school. I was in elementary school, like I'd I'd never I was like too I wasn't mature enough to like have ever ejaculated.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

So they're talking about it like things that your body wasn't doing yet, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:46

So when the men ejaculate, beep, a white milky liquid is like, wait, I'm like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 34:56

If I was a little kid, I'd be so upset.

SPEAKER_05 34:58

I'm sitting there on my little outfit, like pounding my fist into my glove, like alright, I don't know what the fuck's going on. I don't, yeah, I wouldn't, I would be uh that's so afterwards I'm walking, you know, with my parents to the car and they're like, Do you have any questions? I'm like, nope, nope, nope, I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

Don't need to talk about it, don't need to talk about it.

SPEAKER_05 35:18

And that was the extent of it.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Oh, okay. Well, that is not at all the experience I had.

SPEAKER_05 35:25

That is not at all normal either.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

No, it's not normal. That sounds terrible. I can only imagine what the poor little girls are thinking because they're not old enough to understand menstruation. And if their parents haven't talked to us, she's like, oh my god, I'm all gonna still start bleeding. Oh my god, blood pouring out of my body?

SPEAKER_05 35:40

Like, I forgot the best part, too.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

What?

SPEAKER_05 35:43

They had passed out snacks and there were those miniature cartons of milk, too. So I'm like, so like all the all the little ingots are like laughing at the when they start talking about the white milky liquid. Because we're we're all drinking freaking milk.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Poor little elementary school kids. No. I mean, I I okay, you ready for my story?

SPEAKER_05 36:05

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

All right. I had a hippie kind of mom, right? So very it was the 70s. The 60s already happened. We had our bodies ourselves, mom. That's exactly what book was in the house. But my mom, when uh this woman would walk around all the time in her underwear, changed her clothes, went to the bathroom with the door open. Life is natural. You all should know all about who you are, and blah blah blah blah. And um You know what?

SPEAKER_05 36:33

If if your mom didn't hate me, I'd probably like her.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

Oh, you would she Yeah, you would you wouldn't get along. She's hilarious. But she so she was telling me all my life what it things were, and she did not believe in holding back. So I knew about things, probably before I should know about them, and I would get very upset because I did not want my body to bleed. That was disgusting until other girls, when we you know, when you're in the tweens' age and everyone's like, Oh, did you get it yet? And Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret comes out. I didn't wasn't wanting that. That sounded awful to me because uh blood was associated with cuts and hurts. I didn't I didn't understand. But my mom did explain to me what sex was. I absolutely thought it was ridiculous because I was little. And by the time I got older though, she was very free and like, listen, one day you're gonna want to do this, and I just want you to be open and honest with me. I want us to have a great relationship where you feel like you can trust me with anything. So if you ever feel like you're going to have sex and be with a person that you're in love with, I want you to tell me so I can take you to the doctor and you can get the pill and bleed blah dahbly. So I'm finally at a certain age.

SPEAKER_05 37:41

I don't even think she trusts you now.

SPEAKER_03 37:42

So I know this was a trick. It was a trick, it was an absolute trick. So we get to the guy. I'm when I'm finally old enough, I've been with some guy for a year. I'm like, I think I'm gonna do it, mom. And she takes, she's like, okay, I'll make an appointment with the doctor. She seems very cool about it. And then the minute we're in the waiting room, the minute the doctor's about to call me out, she goes, she leans back and goes into my ear, I just want you to know I think you're making the biggest mistake of your life. So I just look at her like, wait, what? And so then I go back because you know you have to have a consultation, they don't just do any kind of crazy exam. And I'm I'm in the doctor's office, I'm sobbing, and they're like, Why are you here? And I go, I think I want to be on the pill, and then my mom said I'm leaning my life. I mean, it was so ridiculous. She tricked she totally tricked me. And then guilted you, and then guilted me into a trick. She's a trickster. Uh Miss Free Love. I mean, she had our bodies ourselves, that book. It was sitting around my house all the time. If there was something to tell me, she could set up open it up and show me the pictures, and you're like, ah, big vagina with a baby coming out. And then it's just stuff that you don't want to see or know about. Um, because you're too little. And then as you get older, you're like, okay, it's natural, it's fine. And then the minute we're in the office, she tricked me.

SPEAKER_05 39:00

Yeah. So rather, I'd rather have like our bodies ourselves lying around in the film strip. It was those archaic pictures that the women's sexual organs look like a steer's skull, you know, like it's got that like a steer's head.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

Right. Well, is this where the where the baby is coming out of kind of situation, showing you the birth and all that?

SPEAKER_05 39:21

No, it's just like a pencil drawing, and like the for the male organs, it's a sideways, like limp penis that you have to really use your imagination to figure it out exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

Yeah, I I think I I don't know that it's an easy cut topic at any point to teach anyone about, but I can tell you that my experience was not like all my other friends were like, Your mother talks to you about sex, and I'm like, Oh yeah, all the time. And they they were like, So you told your mom you're gonna have sex? And I was like, but she told me to tell her.

SPEAKER_05 39:53

I actually I tried to have the talk with my son when he was young enough.

SPEAKER_03 39:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:58

And he said, No, dad, don't bother. No.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

Yes, you know what? Cooper and his BFF had been looking online, and I was the I was in charge of that play date. So they were at my house and they were in the back office. I trusted them, they're the cutest little kids ever. And later they come back from the back room going, Mom, I think, uh, well, and I had to tell the other parent that they had been learning about sex online.

SPEAKER_05 40:24

I had a I had I did have the I did have the side chat with my son, basically, and the side chat was women are not and relationships are not just for sex only. Whatever you see online or at various sites, like that's not a realistic work, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 40:43

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 40:44

So I had that talk with him. So it wasn't about you know good dad. How babies are made.

SPEAKER_03 40:50

Yeah, well, I think a lot of times it is about how babies are made. I don't know. I don't know. But I knew, I knew from a very early age. It sounds like so did you.

unknown 41:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

That's an interesting way to end the show. What a weird show today. I like it.

SPEAKER_05 41:05

Yeah, it was a good it was a good show. Maybe we'll we can sign off, we can sign off with our with our drunkenness, perhaps.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

How do we do what were our words?

SPEAKER_05 41:13

Uh well we'll use we'll use the pre we'll use the previous sign off.

SPEAKER_03 41:18

Are you are you gonna get that? Are you gonna have a sign? That's our goodbye. Are you ready you want to do a countdown for it? Ready?

SPEAKER_05 41:24

Are you ready?

SPEAKER_02 41:26

There was no getting around that. Oh yeah. Yeah, very emotional about those, about those things.

SPEAKER_05 41:36

I have herself as well.

SPEAKER_02 41:40

Oh no, yeah, she has her own. Oh, we all have matching. Did you wear the match?

SPEAKER_05 41:51

Are you that's not a saying goodbye though?

SPEAKER_03 41:54

That's not a great goodbye, but at least it's it's that was a guest on there. I I think maybe we just have to say our own goodbye right now, or we're gonna lose everybody.

SPEAKER_05 42:02

Alright, so hey guys, thanks for listening. Well, we got some guests. We got some guests lined up in the future. If, you know, but if you like us without guests, let us know. Uh and if you want to be a guest, let us know. At the TWODeans at gmail.com or the Dean and Dawes Podcast at gmail.com. Is it the Dean and Dawes Podcast or the podcast?

SPEAKER_03 42:22

It is I wait, oh no. Why do I always forget whether I think it was the is it not the?

SPEAKER_05 42:28

I think it's Dean and Dawes Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 42:30

Try both, put them both in the no, it is Dean and Dawes Podcast. No, though.

SPEAKER_05 42:36

Text us, download us, talk about us, and love us.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

Oh no. All right, till next time. Bye.

SPEAKER_05 42:44

Bye bye.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

Bye bye.