Our Mother. Our Mirror. Our Map.

From the BX to Bmore:

In this powerful and personal Mother’s Day episode, host Tiffany,,The Chief Librarian is joined by her sisters, Desiree, Ebony, and Crystal, for an emotional tribute to their late mother, Carole E. Born and bred in NYC, now rooted in the DMV, these four women reflect on a legacy of strength, style, and survival that shaped them from girlhood to womanhood.

Through laughter, real talk, and tear-filled letters, the sisters unpack childhood memories, life lessons they grew into, and how motherhood and auntie life redefined their understanding of love and sacrifice. It’s a celebration of sisterhood, matriarchal magic, and the bond that keeps legacy alive.

Whether you're grieving, celebrating, or somewhere in between, this episode holds space for it all. From the block to the Beltway, this one’s for the mothers who made us.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to What's Next, the podcast where we unpack life's biggest pivot and personal truth. I'm your host, the Chief Librarian, and today's episode is extra special. I'm joined by three of the smartest, funniest, and most fire women I know. My sisters. This one's for the mamas. Past, present, and becoming. Let's get into it. Good afternoon, sisters. So one word to describe mommy. I was gonna say glamorous. I thought she always wore her eye makeup.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Absolute eyeshadow.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Makeup. But does you said strict? Do you wanna dig into?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

In my opinion, I guess being the eldest, she was stricter on myself. And I was expected to be a good example for, you know, whomever I encountered that was younger than me.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Even before we were born?

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Oh yes. They were always cousins at the house, you know, or before the fifth sisters and additional children in the household that mommy was caring for in lieu of their parents being elsewhere.

SPEAKER_04 1:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Ebony, you said dynamic, I believe.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

Yep. Just was thinking about her personality, like just the fashion, her common sense, you know, like it was just all dynamic, her intuition, the planning, her financial skills, like the friendship she had. I could always just that's all whatever that sister circle was that she had, you know, people we call aunties, and I'm like, was that an auntie? Like, wait.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Crystal. She said fly.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Yeah, I said fly because, you know, when she needed to show up, she showed up and she showed out. And that same pride she had for herself, you know, she put it on us. So, you know, when we went to school, you know, we make sure we went to school clean, we went to school presented and put together. You know, we often went to school, probably not looking like a lot of the other kids. You know, when they were running around in sweatpants and jeans, we had like corduroys on or corduroy skirts and knee highs and Mary Janes on. So she definitely, you know, she kept herself fly and she kept us fly as well.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Black and leather Tams. I'll never forget the leather Tams, wool, wool peacoats and you know, ruffle socks.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

And I had to look it up, but I was like, what was that African leather hat she would wear with the point? And I was like, the unisex koofy. She had a whole collection of Koofis that matched the outfits and shoes.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

She got specially made some of them. So we jumped right in and pretty usual with me. Can you go around and say who you are? Just say your name. As they're already hearing your voices, and I kind of introduced you all, but I'm Desiree Lejean Austin, the eldest of Carol's daughters.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Not the full government. And I'm Tiffany. Not the full government.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Well, since you're saying that, go ahead, sister.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Yes, this is Ebony, the almost middle sister.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

And I'm Crystal 404.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I'm Tiffany, the second oldest, middle child, two or four. And the chief librarian. So one memory that always makes you smile when you think of mommy. For me, is her Thanksgiving Day dinners. That was a day, like that was it was prep leading up to the day. It was the macaroni and cheese, like the block of macaroni and cheese that you shaved. It was not buying any, or the already pre-shredded macaroni and cheese. I mean the cheese, it was the dicing up the potatoes properly, all skilled, just everything about Thanksgiving. And then, you know, the love, the family, the friends that came, stayed, came through for a plate. Jade, who was always there. I don't think Jade ever missed the Thanksgiving. Even when she moved.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

That's funny. That was definitely in my top three because I had to like think about it. But that was grating cheese. I said, but that damn lasagna that cannot be recreated. But I definitely think Desi has said a little bit of it, but the blue eyeshadow. Like that's my favorite childhood memory. It's not like the blue eyeshadow. I just knew we was about to turn up at Aunt Gloria House. Like when that blue eyeshadow made the appearance, it was like, oh, we're about to head out.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

That was the back in the day. We outside.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

It was definitely hard to pick. I would have to agree with the shredding the cheese, plucking the snapping the peas.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Oh my goodness, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Potatoes, you know, helping her mash for the sweet potato pies. So the two for me would be her scent, her white diamonds. And anytime when we got together and we played spades, that was for me, that's our memory as a family. You know, with daddy, you know, we that was one of the few times that we were allowed to like smack talk, you know, kid version. But like that right there was it didn't even realize but was laying the foundation for so many things in adulthood and you know, when we got older, like resiliency, you know, quick comebacks, how not to be a sore loser, you know, how to win with grace, like just all of those lessons were learned just at that spades game. And how to cheat.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Can we or how not to can we call a spade a spade or how not to renege, how not how not to renege, but how to cheat. You think it would be the looks, it would be the body language, like, oh that's cheating.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Well, all I know is that we had a superpower of how to you know read each other's minds, so or that.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Oh man, yeah, I I love it. I love that we were. It's interesting that the four of us, just the core memories that we have of being daughters of to Carol with E and how they connect. What's one lesson that you didn't understand until you got older that mommy taught us?

SPEAKER_03 7:04

I was just thinking about that they not your friends, you know, like she just cautioned us and about the people that we claim were friends. And like now I realize what she really went meant was like that sometimes those relationships expire, they fade away, or they end, and like she just didn't want us to be hurt behind somebody else's child. So, but it initially like everybody is not bad, you know. Like, it was like, why you keep saying that about my friend? But she never really said the part of which was like, I don't want you hurt behind them.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yeah, I guess for me, what stands out, know it at the time, but love yourself. And then example I'll use about that is I had to be, we lived at 485. So I want to say I was maybe 10, 9, or 10, still very much into dolls. This was when the Kenya doll came out, and I don't know if y'all remember anytime a black doll came out. I don't know if y'all remember the whole gap diabolical when gap came out with black Barbies, and we had to go all the way up to Scarsdale and whatever searching for it. But it was when the Kenya dolls came out, and she had a friend. I don't know who the friend was, but I know the friend had a daughter as well around my age and was a lighter skin tone. And they went together to the store and bought Kenya dolls. And I remember they wrapped the Kenya dolls outside of the house. So when Christmas time came, you know, I didn't know if I necessarily asked for the doll, but anyway, I got the doll, unwrapped it, and I was like so traumatized because I had this light-skinned Kenya doll, and it was brief trauma because it was just I remember like just being in tears and saying, like, you want me to look like her, and you don't want me to look like me, and she had to explain that, and she felt so bad because she's like, No, we wrapped it together, we must have gotten the dolls mixed up. But you know, it I got my doll, I went on about life, and I was happy, but it wasn't until I got older where I was like, she really made sure that what we had and what we played with and what we saw was a reflection of us, and so she, yes, she would say it by she would say a lot of things indirectly, and but it was essentially like love yourself yourself, love your skin tone. You are gonna be darker than a lot of people around you, maybe darker than your friends, but you are still beautiful, love your hair, you know, and so it was just like she didn't necessarily say all of those things every day, but her actions said it, and as an adult, clearly, you know, it fed into the confidence, into our pride, into you know, making us whole and just being comfortable with who we are, and you're gonna be different, different. And every room you go in, you may look a lot.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

It was saying, like you meant to say, it was gonna be difficult. I heard that.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Well, yeah, you know, it was prepping for the world, but making sure we had that armor that we needed to, you know, deal with whatever the world was gonna bring.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yeah, and bringing that all together, I feel like speaking up more, being more assertive and less passive is what I really embraced into my adulthood because I was, you know, always a quiet child and didn't, you know, you're seen, but you don't speak, you know, unless an adult asks you a question, you know, is the era that I grew up in. And becoming an adult showed me that it was no room to be passive. You know, you have to speak up, speak your truth, be assertive. You don't have to have the label of the angry black woman, but you still can get your point across by just being more courageous and more assertive and more bold in your statements and standing by what you say and what you mean.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

You know, I'm thankful that mommy inserted that into all of us.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

Then the magic is the hell, because she definitely did. I mean, but I wrote that too, like there's a note, like use your voice, show up authentically as you like black is beautiful, you know, like pride in all things black. You know, especially to be a kid like a taller, darker kid, you know, we go into this public school with a lot predominantly, you know, Irish and Italian kids, you know, who were like, What? And there was definitely some teeth, but it was like I don't remember it anything lasting long because she shut it down, we shut it down, and it was like, what are you talking about? So by the time we came to Harlem, and you know, other black kids were starting to have conversations, like, you know, trying to discuss complexion, it was like, Why are you being weird? You know, I'm beautiful, like keep it moving. Or kick rocks, you know, other things, but it was it was definitely her message was clear.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yeah, this is a yes and to each of the three that y'all stated. Um, definitely her message always came across, and it always came across clear to stand 10 toes down, stand on business, work ethic, work, work life balance. Those are the things that really, yeah, she worked hard, she did her thing, but she enjoyed life. She had fun, her laugh, right? Like just thinking of the joyous times of I just go back to her putting on makeup, right? She was the eyeshadow, the she mascara, liner, you know, all the things I don't do. If I think I'm made up, I put on a set of lashes and some lip gloss. But I still I got that from mommy, like just that. So yeah, no, it's the yes and. But for me, it's how she stood on business 10 toes down. And that's what we all got, right? It's connected to the pride, to being who you are, to being taller, larger, but taking up space. And it's okay, I'm going to take up space. People are gonna not like it. You gotta be okay with it. That's all the things that I got from mommy, right? Like you being okay with yourself and not needing it to be okay from others. Oh man. Carol with an E. I love it. So, how has being a mother or auntie changed the way that you see our mom? I'll start. I know for me, I didn't always see how nurturing she was because she wasn't as affectionate as I thought she should be. And as affectionate, I mean always saying I love you, always it's not that she did, or whatever you thought you saw might have seen. I didn't understand the nurture and nature part of mommy until I became my mother. And that everything she did was nurturing.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

She was definitely probably a action, acts of acts person, like you know, like she showed us in the things that like so she as I was having a hard time thinking about it. Was she definitely an acts of love?

SPEAKER_01 14:27

So her love language was rather than acts of love, yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Can you repeat the question? Sorry, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

So the question was, how has being a mother or auntie changed the way that you see our mom? So I guess to explain deeper what I said, what I thought was standoffish or maybe not as warm, it was absolutely that. It was just in her way to Ebony's point and acts of love. I knew she loved me, she told me she loved me, her hugs meant everything, but she was about business, so she was balancing so many things. Again, didn't know, but it's what I know now that I didn't recognize when I was growing up as clearly.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Well, I'll refer to what I was thinking about earlier today about motherhood and in reference to mommy. It it taught me quickly that this is real, that motherhood wasn't what was in the books, it was real life, and it was you know, she showed us it's a day-to-day process that you go through motherhood to experiences. And for me, she showed me her love in in the way that she knew how, in lieu of how our grandmother and grandfather may have, you know, showed her their love or their forms of love. So I answered it a little differently because I was a young mother, and my instant motherhood experience was the moment I saw my son. You don't realize until you actually experience it to see the face of a child that you and the other parent has created. So for me, it instantly made me think how special we must have been to mommy. We were four of her creations. And I believe that she really cherished having four mini me's in her own way. And she may not have always said it, but I know that she in the back, you know, she secretly loved that we were four versions of her, four best versions of herself.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

And probably said it to each other more, you know, than directly. So instead of it saying like you deserve, you ebony, you Tiffany, you crystal, it would be like, you know, your sister. That's how it, that's how it often came out.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

So true.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

For me, I didn't even want kids. I was like, Mother, you know, and like I don't even like kids for real. But kids would just like, you know, like want to be hanging. I was like, what? You know what I'm saying? Like, okay, I guess we can hang. So I guess I realized like after becoming a mother, like your approval and acceptance of things or your disagreement with them doesn't stop the love, you know. Like, you know, I used to be so judgmental about mommy. I'm like, oh, I cannot believe she is talking about her friend that way. You know, like she got off the phone, she would just keep here, like, oh, I cannot believe she like heifer, you know, and I'll be like, oh my goodness, I could, I would never be her friend. And it would be like, oh, no, she was saving them. You know what I'm saying? Like she spared them. And I'm like, you know, okay, yeah, because there's times like because you just love people, but that don't mean you they don't annoy you. And I never realized the duality of that, you know what I'm saying? And I think that that's what mother told me, like, there's a duality in the realness of life, like there's no such thing as one path or one way. And mommy was absolutely, you know, embracing of both sides of herself, you know, very honest, but then also like she could hold it close to her chest, be discreet. So it was like, you know, but I only once I became one of the reasons that that was possible. You know, I'm thinking you just one track, but that's not. So that's what I would say.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Absolutely. So, what did you learn from her? And I think we touched on this a little bit, and what have you chosen to unlearn?

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Hyperindependence is a pro and a con. So, yes, that's something we absolutely learned from her growing up in a two-parent household, but having having to not necessarily unlearn it, but having to bring it in a lot in that it has to be me. I have to do this by myself, I'll just do it by myself. That yeah, and it's still ongoing to catch myself to like, yeah, I know I can do it, but just because I can do it doesn't mean I have to do it. So, and that's in all aspects, not just in marriage, you know, sisterhood, friendship. It's just like just because you can do it or have the ability to do it does not mean you always have to. So, for me, that independence of it has to be me and I have to do it has been an ongoing process to you know, unlearn to be reactive towards it, and that fixer piece, boil boy. We saw a lot of situations, you know, a lot of people's lives and solve a lot of people's problems, and that's something that too is you know is ongoing, but independence and the fixer, mm-mm.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

I second that. I absolutely do. The hyper independence piece has served me well. I will never lie, but it is also created a barrier for me, so much so that I have decided in like the last year on this healing journey that I've been on, just where I could have done things differently in past relationships, and how I want the future relationships to go. So I'm at a great place now to be open to the support and the help that may be different from how I envision it and accepting, completely accepting of what that looks like without settling. I'm still not settling. But it has helped me completely to look at situations wholly and entirely, which I thought I was doing previously, and I wasn't always doing because of being so hyper-independent. I was just on a on a move, on a track, you know, upward moving. And if you weren't going with me, then you had to stay where you were. I mean, and sometimes that's the case, and sometimes it's not. I mean, if you didn't want to go along, I mean it is what it is, but yeah, no, I I definitely second that, Crystal. Um, unlearning that to this moment, to this day. Honestly, that's a part of why I'm doing this podcast. Unlearning, and it wasn't perfection, that's why I stand on excellence versus perfection. You can have a standard of excellence and then even work towards it. Excellence doesn't even always have to be from the start, it can be established and improved on.

SPEAKER_03 22:23

For me, it's unlearning the rigidness of like, and I want to say who people are, you know, and realizing that she viewed us in one way and that's who we were.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

I have to say what I chose to unlearn was not raising children and think that they have to be perfect and not make any mistakes. I say that because the way mommy conducted herself, I was her template to improve on how she showed her excellence going forward specifically for everything. You know, she exemplified she showed me personally that you had to be like a certain, you know, you couldn't make mistakes. That was just my experience. You know, you had to be on point for a long time. I felt like you know, everything had to be perfect because that was my experience, you know. It was frowned upon to make any type of mistakes, and so I vowed if I had children to try and not be so quick to get on his or her case, having children to criticize them so quickly and let them make mistakes and then guide them when needed to be guided on their mistakes going forward. So it's been a challenge because in my daily life I like things a certain way, but then I have to realize it's gonna be in lieu of me wanting things to be a certain way, nothing is perfect. So it's like at work, they see my excellence as far as details. Like they know, oh, you can't do it that way. Miss Austin's not gonna like that. When it's any kind of function at work, they're like, no, you have to do it this way, and she's gonna come in and change it. So at home, it was a little different because I had to learn to I couldn't always do things for them. They have to do it for themselves. So that was hard for me when they were younger to not have to always rescue. So it's been a better balance as they got older. They have to I can't save them from everything. I have to just be there. So emotionally guided me. So it's been challenging for me personally because mommy was there when I had challenges, and sometimes I have to say I regret when I'm like, oh, she's always in my business. I'm thankful that she was in my business. She probably saved me from a lot of things on myself. So just unlearning perfection. That was for me. I know that's right. No one on earth is perfect, so that's my biggest thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

I have to thank you for being present, you know, for being nosy, for being for asking questions, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Yes, yes, no, now we're gonna get into the real stuff, and the real is who got away with the most, Crystal. Can we talk about it?

SPEAKER_00 25:58

I think to differ. I feel like Ebony got away with a lot, also.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Oh, do tell.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

And I say that because Ebony was the one who she knew how to stay out of trouble. She had her book with her, she was the one always reading her book, she would stay in her room, she would always. I never really observed her back talking mommy, so to me I was back eyeing her.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

I know I'm not gonna back talk her that woman, no ma'am, but I would back eye her and still get slapped.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

What is a back eye?

SPEAKER_02 26:35

Oh, we know what a back eye is because we see her daughter do this. You know we know what those eyes, but for daddy, you don't know what a back eye is. You can't put it into words, you just gonna right.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

You just gotta see it.

SPEAKER_02 26:49

Cute little nay and little T.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Oh now that's funny. Um that's a funny perspective, Desi, right? Like, because I ain't want none of them. I saw the BS and I ain't want no part. Oh no, I saw that the I was like, nope. I was like, who? Okay, and I would go right to the other side. So I agree with you that maybe I didn't it the smoke didn't come because I avoided the smoke, right? You were smart enough, so you avoid it. And Crystal and Tiffany ran straight to the smoke, you know, like clearly skipping, skipping to the smoke. Happily. But I was gonna say, I like I definitely think that Crystal got um, you know, got away with the most. And I always wondered, you know, Dez, I'm like, you know, like what it must have been, but I also think like there was a time like, you know, before Uncle Clement, you know, passed away where it must have been a good time to be a kid in that household, right? Yeah. The princess, like Des, you know what I'm saying? Like, where I don't know. I just get the vibes, you know, and I never knew Uncle Clement. So, but it was like, I just get the vibes from the stories that y'all tell that he was a cool dude and he was, you know, probably spoiled. The fact that he spoiled mommy, you know, with a husband was like, oh yeah, he Desi got that. So those about two spoils.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Um, I would beg to differ. I would I think that we all surprised well I think we all had a run. Seriously, I think we all had our run. I think that in the moment when you were, you know, all eyes on you or whatever, were you the you know, in trouble, or because it was at one point where I was the only one left in the house. Oh, sure. And yeah, was she older and was she like a little more tighter? But you know, I had my fair share. I think it's just what we saw and what we didn't see. But I mean, I think I have my fair share. I may not, you know, y'all may feel because I'm the youngest, it's like, oh, she got away, but I also think that she parented based on our personalities, so but I think as a collective, we could all agree we all did some stuff. Um, and you know, like we just like I said, I think we all just had our run and we all had our season. May I have gotten popped, you know, the least. Maybe. Did you ever get popped? No, I did, I didn't I did, I know. Um, but you know, where maybe it was, you know, we lost the dog behind you.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

I don't even know the name of the dog.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Well, the dog was in the wrong, even though it allegedly I don't even remember the dog, but that dog left instantly. I don't remember okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

I don't remember the dog, but clearly I carry whatever the trauma was, I carry it with me because I do not care for dogs. So I don't even remember the dog, I don't remember the incident, but you know, the body carries the trauma clearly, because I'm not a fan of dogs. And had y'all not even told me about that dog story, I would have never known why I was never a fan of dogs.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

That's crazy. It's very interesting. But yeah, that's what it is. So who had the strongest slick mouth growing up?

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Well, I was scared to say anything when mommy said it. So it wasn't me.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Not it. I would say this is between Ebony and Tiffany because it ain't what oh y'all already know it was Tiffany.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Stop playing. Absolutely. Hello. I didn't say nothing. Did we not forget to answer the last question?

SPEAKER_01 30:40

Yes. Um's the word. You ran away from smoke, and I ran into it. Tiffany was the one. She was the one.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

The no limit soldier.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Well, she was the bold one to you know challenge mommy. Mommy probably saw a lot of herself where she had to be like, oops, girl.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

That's the that's what we're saying. We'll say the editor. Bitch, this, bitch, this. I guess that would be me. Tiffany, the chief librarian. I take it. What's one mama line that we swore we'd never say, but now we do? All the above.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Hard head me for a soft ass. Ask a question, then say shut up. I mean, it's gonna hurt you and it's gonna hurt you.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

Who you think you're talking to?

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 31:39

I ain't one of your little friends.

SPEAKER_00 31:47

I'm not that mother.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

I brought you in and I will take you out. Oh if your friends jump out a plane, you jumping out with them.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

If your friends jump off the empire's day, hello, there was that one. If your friends above the empire state building, that was the bullish.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

I'm like, I send you to school looking like that.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Now I will say so. Those were the phrases. One thing that she did that I thought I would never do, wear a moo moo. Who knew? Who knew how comfortable walking around your damn house doing house chores with a moo moo? Like oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Not the moo moo. That is so true. Mommy had them at all colors. Everyone. She was styling and profiling in the house, outside the house.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

But I think the one thing I thought I said I swore I would never do as an adult, but I do is whole grudges. Whole grudges. You know, I'm petty. Because, you know, I was like, oh man, I'm like, you know, mommy, like remember everything. Yup. And do and do, and bring it back up. And it was like, but that was like a year, and bring it back up. And you be like, dang, she not gonna let that go. And I do too. You mean like when you and it was like, oh, here we go.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

That is so true. Oh man, so many good moments. But yeah, no, Taylor probably got a whole list of them that she probably, when she heard this, gonna be like, and you say this. Oh, that's from grandma, and you said this. Girl, them Capricorns. Well, Capricorn. So next is a special moment that I want us to get into. We each wrote a love letter to our mother, and I would like us to take a moment to read it. We can go in whatever order you feel comfortable.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

I'll go first. So it says, Dear Ma, I know you're in heaven watching over us, protecting, guiding, and probably shaking your head a little saying, these damn girls, but it's okay. You've been doing it since we were little, so this shouldn't be new. We just didn't realize it then. And truth be told, we still forget sometimes. But I know now without a doubt that your love didn't stop when your physical body did. If anything, you're still working overtime. Now let me say, if you have bet me a million dollars when I was a teenager that I'll end up with so many of your traits, I would have looked you dead in the face and said, not me. But here I am, walking around with your discernment, your wisdom, your strength, your stubbornness, and your gift for knowing things before they happen. You really passed down a whole two box and then some. While I did thank you sometimes when you were here, I don't think I've ever truly had the words or the maturity to express my deepest gratitude for you for how you loved us, protected us, and raised us with a balance of grace and grit. You did the best that any parent could do to protect us and shielding your girls from the world while also knowing when to let life do what it does. And boy, did life do what it does, but you prepared us. Thank you for teaching us to be independent but soft, cautious but courageous, strong but vulnerable. All of these, yes, even the stubbornness, helped shape us into women, mothers, friends, and protectors. You built a foundation that's still holding strong. I feel you the most in the hardest moments and in the sweetest ones. It's like you know exactly when I need you, and then boom, you show up in my dream. And even though you don't say much, you say everything. Sometimes I wake up feeling more seen than I ever did the day before. That is your magic. I miss you so much, mommy. Some days I laugh out loud thinking about something you said you did or you're sent, and other days the ache is real and deep. But through it all, I carry you with me. Thank you for never leaving, even when you left. Thank you for being our mother, still guiding and still loving.

SPEAKER_03 36:26

Dear mommy. Hey, I see you sometimes at the corner of my eyes in dreams. I love you and I miss you. I wish we had the chance to celebrate your 60th with the big party. It would have been epic. I spent so many years wrapped up in books or in my room. I wish I was a little nosier or present and could connect with some of the dots that I'm left with. Thank you for having my sisters. It's been traumatizing, annoying, and amazing sharing memories with them. I've learned that just because I believe something to be true doesn't mean that it actually was the case. Perception becomes reality, and sometimes it's nice to hear another angle of the same event. I thank you for waiting until we were strong enough to keep living without you, and we were old enough to keep your words alive and remember your voice and model. I'll try to instill a little in mind when I can. If there's one thing I admire, it was that you taught us to live authentically and outrageously. We give thanks to you every night as one of the angels that watches over us as we sleep.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Dear mommy, I miss our daily talks. We would agree to disagree about some life matters. While you wanted me to do things your way, you learned to respect or not my way to parent my children. You always reminded me my voice mattered no matter what. I admired how verbally quick on your feet you usually were. That's something that I'm not. Thank you for being that guided, assertive, loving, stern Caribbean woman from St. Croix, U.S. Virginia. Thank you for showing me how a lady should conduct herself in public and at home. Thank you for showing me the priceless moments of motherhood, along with the many sacrifices you endured. Thank you for loving us, making sure we had our education, for setting the template for being resilient, black, strong women of purpose. Until we see each other again, love always and forever.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

Dear mom, I wish I could hug you and squeeze you just one more time. To feel your arms around me, safe, steady, and full of love, would be the greatest gift. Your love and support were constant in my life. And I admit I took that for granted until you were no longer here. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I see you in my smile, and I hear you in my laugh, and I feel you in the quiet moments when I need strength the most. You are my compass, even when I didn't realize how much I was relying on your presence to find my way. I miss the way that you called me Cruella, your nickname for me that always made me feel special. Even when you were teasing me, I love to hear you say it. I miss hearing your favorite westerns and gangster movies playing in the background, watching you lock into every scene. Like I just never understood how what was the movie from Harlem, but the guy with the finger at McDonald's. Paid in full. Why was she always watching Paid in Full? Anyway, leave it to me to lose focus. So, watching your favorite westerns and gangster movies playing in the background, watching you locked into every scene of paid in full. I miss seeing you dressed to go out, your quiet glam, your effortless confidence. You were a woman of few words, but when you spoke, everyone listened. Your silence spoke volumes, your presence shifted roams. What I adored most was your strength, how you stood tall, although you weren't tall, you were about five two through life's hardest storms, how you carried so much with grace, even when you were tired. You taught me how to fight with faith and how to give without expecting anything back, and how to lead with love. Thank you, mommy, for everything you gave me. I carry you in every step I take, and I honor you and how I interact with others, how I love others, how I mother, and how I keep going when life gets heavy. Until we meet again, I'll keep holding you in my heart with all my love, Cruella. And then I have a quote, I ended it with a quote that she always said to me, Be patient, Tiffany, everything in its own time. Carol E. Alston. Thank you for sharing this moment for me as we go into Mother's Day and to be a part of this journey. And as Ebony said, you all are the best parts of this journey. I don't know what I would do without my sisters. But mommy knew, daddy knows, and I'm thankful for that. So as we close out, how are we gonna carry the torch? Is the last thing that I want us to talk about. And also, maybe what do we want the next generation to know about love, family, or womanhood?

SPEAKER_02 42:28

I think we carry the choice just by living every day, by waking up, by showing up authentically as us.

SPEAKER_00 42:41

Being a positive and realistic role model to anyone that we encounter. Making sure that if we encourage education, encourage being unapologetically yourself. Being a role model doesn't mean that they always wanna be the you know, only the good or only the the right things, but to learn from our mistakes but maybe not the right choices sometimes being made.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

To not change who you are, but be the best version of who you can be respectfully to agree, just continuing to do what we do, you know, speaking our truth, continuing to learn, paying attention, listening to our intuition. So I think that just by continuing to continue to have this conversation of reflection, you know, with our kids about who they came from will help them as they move forward.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Family matters in different, different that I got a day, you know.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

So, what do we want the next generation to know about love, family, or womanhood? Love yourself, family is important. Women run the world. So whether you are one, you're gonna be with one, respect yourself and respect her. Love and protect black women, especially because the world relies so much on us, but then we'll discard and disrespect us in the same vein. So try not to do those things.

SPEAKER_03 44:35

And you know, one of my kids had said on Friday was like, What's respect? Because I said something about respect. And I was like, you just treat someone like they're a human being, and you remember that they're imperfect, right? But you just treat someone like a human being. It's it's not a difficult concept to be respected.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Any last words?

SPEAKER_02 44:59

Just thank you for this, Tiffany. Thank you for this opportunity. As we approach Mother's Day, you know, it can be difficult, not only for us, but for anybody else who's lost their mother physically or estranged, or you know, what type of whatever relationship you have. The loss of a mother or having a mother absent from your life is very impactful. So thank you for this opportunity for us to help process as we approach Mother's Day. I think this is it'll soften the blow a little bit. And then just also too, thank you for this opportunity to just with the four of us to sit together and you know, just kind of talk about upbringing because we do have four different perspectives of how we were raised, even though we were raised on the same foundation and you know in the same household, we still have very four different experiences. So thank you for this opportunity for us to talk through it and learn some information. I learned some things on the call that I'm like, oh, I didn't know. So just thank you.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

Yeah, absolutely a big, a gracious thank you to you, Tiffany. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you for being courageous. And mommy always knew how strong you were. So, in lieu of what crystal said, she talked to each of us, and maybe I heard some more than others about each of you. She was very proud of each of you, and she knew each of your strengths, and she knew that eventually they will come out both for us. So I thank you for always being courageous and giving us a platform to share how how amazing our mother was, and how she appeared to be perfect in everyone's eyes that embraced her or encountered her, but she also showed us how to love and that's a great thing just to know that she created four gems and four queens. So I thank you for giving us this platform.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

Absolutely, you're welcome, sisters. So, with that, this episode was a gift because so much of who we are we owe to the woman who poured into us. Her strength, her softness, her style is woven into our every move. To every mother listening, we see you. We honor you, and we carry your name forward. Happy Mother's Day from our family to yours. Until next time.