Pilot

In this pilot episode, we introduce the heart behind the podcast, what Beauty for Ashes means to us, and what you can expect from this journey. We talk about faith, life, healing, growth, and finding beauty in the places we never thought we’d have to walk through.

This episode was originally released, but unfortunately, the original upload was deleted. So we’re bringing it back!

If you’re new here, welcome. If you were here for the original, thank you for coming back. We’re so glad you’re here.

“To give them beauty for ashes…” — Isaiah 61:3

Let’s begin. 🕊️

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi guys, I'm Carmen, and I'm Kayla, and we are your hosts of the Beauty for Ashes podcast. Okay. Well, I cannot believe we are finally here. Kayla, do you want to tell us what we're doing?

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Yes, let's talk about our very first episode of the podcast. Yeah. Beauty for Ashes. It is about foster care. Foster care. That's right. That is what we're doing. We are here to talk about foster care, to shed light, give knowledge, be a resource. Yeah. Have fun while doing it, you know?

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Yeah. So tell you guys a little bit about ourselves. Yes. More personal level. Connect with other families who live the way that we do and who don't live the way that we do, you know? Yeah. Who are interested in it. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Yes, getting to know other people, learning about other people, their backgrounds, their family makeup, all of that. So we really hope to be a resource for a little bit of everybody. People who are fostering, people who are thinking about fostering, people who want to just listen.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Yeah, right. I mean, I think we started this, you know, over about four years ago when we started the process. And I was like, ready. I was like, let's listen to all the podcasts, let's watch all the YouTube videos, watch all the shows. And there's just really not much out there. Yes. So there's like one other foster care podcast that I love and I listen to weekly, but there's really nothing else for people who feel like they may want to do this. So I think we just really want to let in let everyone in on the world of foster care and all things foster care.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

And then when you are licensed and you are getting your first placement, maybe you won't feel so alone because I think it's a pretty lonely thing to do. You know, like it is it is.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

And I didn't realize that until and I also don't think that I realize it as much as maybe you do, only because I've had you the whole time. You started before us, and it was something that we were interested in before we met y'all, but yeah, definitely we I mean we didn't start it until we did know y'all. And so we've had y'all's guidance and friendship all through our process, which I feel like has definitely obviously helped us.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Yeah. And I think I've met so many friends through foster care, like other foster families. Yeah. But in like the cases, it's pretty lonely because let's be honest. The lawyers and the judge and all of them, they don't care about what we think. Right. And uh that's okay, they don't have to. But yeah, you know, we are just caring for the children, and that in itself can be a little bit lonely. Right. So I hope that other people can listen and realize that other foster families feel the same way they do or have experienced some of the same things because I think everybody has a different experience with it. Yes. And then I'd love for biological families to listen one day and realize that you know, as foster parents, we're supposed to love them and we're supposed to cheer them on and be their biggest cheerleader. So hopefully they can listen.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

And we definitely do, you know, they do teach that in classes, and it is what you're expected to do. Yeah. But I think that only because I know you, I'm sure there are other foster parents out there that think the same way. But I mean, we definitely do cheer for the bio family and want what's best for them and want to be helpful and active in a relationship with them while we're taking care of it.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

I think it's the closest thing to like seeing God's grace. Yeah. Because I've heard of bad experiences with and I'm I mean, I know there are with biological family and foster families relationships. And I'm thankful that like we've never experienced that. Yeah, like I think part of that is just meeting them where they're at, right, and making them I mean, they are the child's parent. And so making them feel that they are still the child's parent, you know. And I mean, most of these families they've just been through things that we can't even imagine. Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

It's a cycle and that's how come from backgrounds and situations that we have never experienced and most likely will never have to experience. And so I think that we definitely have a lot of grace for them and in that place. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

And I mean, sometimes it ends and it ends in adoption, sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't. But regardless, I mean, speaking from personal experiences, like I I still love our biological families, and knowing that they're not in a place to care for a child and loving them can be two separate things. So yeah, I think that's what we're trying to do. Sound good.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Yes, that's what we're here for. We're super excited about it. Um some of the topics. Do you want to go ahead and let's share some of those? Yeah. Some of the topics that we might share along away. Yeah, some of the episodes that we've talked about doing um is gonna be first getting to know us, you know, hour-wise, uh, getting to know our families a little bit better, and hearing interviews from other foster families in our community that we know, like Carmen mentioned, you know, every family is different, every situation is different, every case is different. And so while some may be similar, the stories are different, you know, and can be helpful. And, you know, there's also people we know that have uh who foster older children or you know, uh, it just brings a whole new set of things into their lives, yeah. So hearing interviews from them, you know, that would be that's something that we hope to to bring y'all.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Yeah, and I think another episode like caseworkers, you know, having a caseworker on, because let's be honest, like they have such a hard job, you know? I they do. And uh I think if we could get them on and really interview them, see what they do on a day-to-day b basis and see how they take the job home because I'm sure they do, you know. Oh yeah. How could you not when you're working with children's lives? I think that would be neat for well us, because I want to know, you know, yeah, I'm nosy. I want to know what they do. We want all the details, but then other foster families to see like they're not the enemy either. Right. It may feel like that sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

But I think it can kind of bridge the gap. You know, sometimes it can be a little frustrating. Us over here being the foster parent, them over there being the caseworker, and then we both have similar goals, the same goal almost, right, but different perspectives and different jobs and different uh things that what is the word I'm trying to think of? Like things that they have to do, yeah, you know, as the caseworker, caseloads?

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Right. Y'all, that's like 20, 30 plus children. Some of those have multiple siblings that they have to think about every day. And so I think things do get lost in you know, in the system. But right. I think that we're all working towards the same goal, hopefully. Yes, you know, and so I think that would be neat to interview a caseworker, maybe a lawyer, a G A L. Yeah. Had to get Kayla to get on that.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

I'll get on that. Yeah. So yeah. And some terminology. We will also be bringing that. You said G A L and I was like, Oh, guardian at lighting. Guardian at lighting.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

And so that's something else, just through the knowledge that I think that we will share with all of you, giving you some more terms, which if you foster, you already know them, but and you may not, because some I mean, some people truly start and they don't even know that your child's supposed to have a GAL or Guardian at life, right? Which is their lawyer who advocates for them. Some of these people never meet their GAL, which is a problem. But it's another topic for another time.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

So foster classes prepare you, okay? Generally prepare you, but ours did, but do all, you know?

SPEAKER_01 8:38

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 8:38

Right, right. But to know what you can to know what you can ask, you know, to know uh who is supposed to reach out to you if they don't.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

And just the little details like that, I think Well, also I've had several foster families like reach out to me when they get their first placement and be like, you know, formula is expensive. They get wick, you know, every foster child, just for reference, every foster child gets wick for formula and food and other things, you know. And that was something that I'm nosy and I read all the minimum standards and all that. So like I I read all of that, and so I was prepared when I'm like, She's good at that. Some people don't know though, and they're like, How do I even go about setting that up? And so I think And I knew because you helped us. Well, I'm like, because nobody tells you really, though.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

But when you said foster care is lonely, that's one of the areas that is it totally embodies that because once you start, you've been given like some little tools, you know, but you have this big problem to fix. You know, not problem to fix, that's not what I meant. You have this big situation and these little tiny tools, and you're like trying to like make your way through it, but you don't have everything that you need for the you know, for the situation. You don't know, right? And that's uh and that can be hard. I know for us it was confusing because I didn't it's all like legality, and I never wanted to overstep or say something I wasn't supposed to or or even know, you know, for instance, what to I mean, y'all, when they call you for a child, this is just they say, Hey, we have a newborn baby at so-and-so hospital.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

This is the gender, yes or no. Born on this, yes or no. And most of the time I just say yes because I'm like, we'll figure it out. But like that's typically the only information you're given. I typically I don't always even know you don't get a name. You don't sometimes you don't get a gender. I mean, we've had it be wrong before.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

For our current placement, it was like 7 p.m. I had work the next day, and they could not tell me the name. They could not tell me the formula he was on, they could not tell me what size clothes or what size diapers. So I had just gotten off work and I'm like trying to get things out, can't do it. I was gonna go to the store, make sure I have enough formula for at least the night, couldn't do it because nobody knew, you know? So so yeah, it is only for sure. And I think that's why we're here. We want to be that place where you can reference back to, or you can come to our social accounts and which we'll talk about in a second.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

And yeah, I mean, or you can just look at us and listen to us and be like, they are crazy.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Why didn't they want to do this to themselves? Exactly. You can laugh at us or with us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Um, but I feel like you once you get in this world, you know too much. Yeah, it's hard to get out. I don't know, right? Will we be fostering our whole lives? Probably so. Maybe so. Because I know too much, and there's nothing like just bridging that gap, picking up a baby or picking up a having a child being just chopped off at your house, and they just literally pass them to you and walk away. And you're like, oh, and it can be weeks to months before you hear from them again, DHR.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

There's really nothing like it. It's it's unexplainable. It's almost like I've described it as like being a teacher, and I've also described it as like being a mom. Like you, it's something you do, like people can tell you, and you can watch it from the outside when I I'm talking about being a mom, you know, people can tell you what it's like, or you can watch others be a mom, but you don't your heart does not fully understand, and your mind doesn't fully understand until you are your a mom yourself, you know, and so um and then with teaching, I'm like, we went through class, obviously, college and all the things, and then you're dropped off in the classroom, so they drop that baby off, you know? Yeah, and it's like you just have to hit the ground running, you just figure it out. There's certain things that a classroom is not gonna, you know, that courses for certification for foster care are just not gonna teach you, not because they didn't try, but just because some of it's just experience.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Yeah, you have to live it. And I think our first placement, which was a long time ago now. Yeah, but I'm telling you, they dropped her off, and I was so excited. Oh my gosh, y'all. I had dreamed of this my whole life. Like I knew from a very young age this is what my calling was, this is what I was supposed to be, a mom, foster mom, adopter mom. Like that's all I've ever wanted to do. So I'm like excited. I'm like, this is going to be great. And they dropped her off. And uh, it was the hardest month of my entire life. I cried every single day. It was the worst experience ever. And when she left, I was like, I got my calling wrong. I heard God wrong, he was wrong, because this is not where I'm supposed to be. I cannot be in this world. Like it was a nightmare, truly. Yeah. And I just took a step back and I was like, okay, I'm gonna try again. Right?

SPEAKER_03 13:57

But but those situations are I felt so alone. No one no one can a class can teach you and give you examples, but then once you are brought a situation with so much trauma, yeah, just like that, and you have to walk through it alone in your home with your husband, you know.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Day in, day out, yeah. Like it's very traumatic. And like that's the whole thing. Like you said, trauma. Like you're trying to parent a child with trauma, and you're trying to take care of a child that's been through just awful things you've ever even heard of. Right. And so that in itself, like, it's it would just be nice if we could meet other foster families and like just connect with other people who have been through similar things, or when they do go through the same thing or you know, something to know you're not alone, to know that feeling is normal, to know that it's okay to feel this way or to think this or to feel lost or all the emotions, be overwhelmed every time.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

You know, every time. Yeah, it's always an adjustment period. There is, there is always an adjustment period, and I feel like when you were just saying, I was so excited, you know, to get my first placement. And I feel like some people, I feel like this needs to be said only because some people are gonna come and be like, Right, you are so excited, you know. But I want you to hear us from our hearts, and I want you to, you know, you as in our sweet listeners, yeah, if you're thinking, you know, these people were excited that these kids are getting whipped away from you know, uh, but that's not it. You know, what we're excited for is that we have we have felt this calling from God that this is a ministry that we can do, our families can do, we feel called to do it, which you have to be called. If you're not called, you will literally sink. Don't do it. I mean, you won't even get through classes if you're not called surely.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

The 10-week classes, home studies, interviews, background checks, all the things, you know? All in your biz. So we're when we say we're excited, it's like you're living out your calling. Like you're finally living out your calling, especially for like it's all I've ever wanted to do, you know. Right.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

To be the feet, yeah, the hands and feet of Jesus. That is what we're talking about. When we say we're excited, are we excited that a child has experienced this trauma and is now with us? Are we excited that they've been ripped away from their family or that their family is experiencing this, you know, all you know, traumatic, awful trauma, traumatic, awful event? Absolutely. Absolutely not, and we wish that we could stop it. And I think that that's what we feel like we're here for is to uh to do what we can to do our part in okay, we're the foster parents, we are being brought in by helping. And how can we help? Like, what can we do for the biofamily? What can we do for the mom, for the dad?

SPEAKER_01 16:57

We're gonna love, we're gonna advocate, we're gonna not just take care of the child, but we can also do that for the family. Exactly. I mean you can absolutely and the best thing for when a foster child leaves is for that family member to have a relationship with you already established. And so when they do leave, you they the child leaves you, but they don't you don't you know not see them anymore, not talk to them anymore. The best case scenario is that their family is now your family. Yeah, and like y'all can raise the child together, you know, you can go out to dinner, you can take them to their birthday parties, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Yeah, parties, all the time.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

So I think that's always our goal. Yeah. Is that if a child has to leave our home, which is the goal, right? If they leave, I want to make sure I did everything in my power to have a good relationship with their family or with their parents.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

Yes, totally. I just felt like that needed to be put there. It did so that way no one misunderstood us, you know. Don't come for me, please. Yes, I'm a very emotional person. That's my favorite thing about her. She's gonna make me more emotional. Y'all might actually see me cry. It's been like 10 years, but you know what?

SPEAKER_01 18:09

And they'll do it. And then if I can't do it, Philip will do it. I love it. The only person more emotional than me is my husband. So yeah. Well, let's talk about our name. Yeah, let's talk about it. So Beauty for Ashes. So I had this idea for a podcast, you know, about three or four years ago. And I was just thinking of a name because I was like, oh, I'm gonna start one. Well, that never happened. But finally I've talked to Kayla into starting it and she's doing it with me. So um I just think beauty for ashes encompasses foster care. Um like it is ashes, you know, like this trauma, it's awful, it's messy, it's ugly. Absolutely. Yeah. But if God's in it, then he can turn it into something beautiful. So that the verse is Isaiah 61, verse 3 to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion to give them unto them beauty for ashes. So I I just think that's foster care. It is. It is. You know, we can take all the ashes, child children being ripped away from their family, addiction, all the things that you know these children experience, and it can be turned into beauty, whether that be they get to go back to their family members, you know, they get to go to an aunt, they get to go to a parent, um, they get to be adopted, they get to go be with their siblings. I think that that is what foster care is. Like it or what it should be, right? It is, yeah. So I think that anything ugly and awful with God's grace can be turned into beauty. Yeah, totally. You said it perfectly. But all right, so we should probably introduce ourselves. Yeah, let's say we introduce ourselves. Who are these people talking about? You want to go first? You want me to?

SPEAKER_03 20:06

You go. Okay. I am Kayla Lanier, and I'm married to my husband, Matthew Lanier, and we live in a little city right outside of Montgomery, Alabama. We have three kids. Like, how many do we have? How many at this point? Three's really not a lot, but sometimes I'm like, I just miscount. Clark is our stepdaughter, she is 12. Or our stepdaughter, she's my stepdaughter, she is his daughter. Her name is Clark, she's 12, and then we have our son together. His name is Beckett, he will be six in May, and then we have Emerson James, who will be four on Sunday, and then those are our three children, our uh biological children, and then we have one placement. He is 15 months old. And the cutest boy ever. The cutest. And we're like all obsessed. We are obsessed. He's he's really precious. Um we love him. We've been fostering for uh coming up right out a year. Um so and how long have you had him? We have had him uh almost almost six months. Yeah. That's crazy.

unknown 21:18

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Time plastic. Time flash. It does not feel like that. He just has kind of just kind of like went fit right on in, you know, moved right on in. So uh it just doesn't seem that long that we've had him, but um it's been great.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Yeah, well, my name's Corman, and I am married to Philip, and we have four children. So we have Palmer, who is five, and then um we have Gray, who is three. Then we adopted our sweet daughter from foster care. Her name's Navy, she is almost three, and then Baker Lennon is turning. One Friday. We're all very sweet girls. Sad. How did that go by so quickly? And then we live right beside Kayla and Matt. So we're neighbors, best friends. Do everything together. Our kids are all the same ages, so it's like the best. But um we've been fostering for three and a half years. And what else? Oh, we're through agape. Yeah. I didn't say that. So it's like a private agency. We'll go into more detail about it. Um, but both of us are through agape. And what else? I think that was it. Um, what do you do? Oh, I'm a real estate agent.

SPEAKER_03 22:42

Real estate agent. I am a school teacher. Yep. I teach elementary school and teach for our local elementary school. I've been doing kindergarten for nine years in August. Going on nine years in August. Kindergarten the whole time? I don't know that. The whole time. Oh wow. I was at a school in Montgomery for two years in kindergarten and it's kind of funny because when I was in college, I never thought in my head, like, oh, I'll I'll teach kindergarten one day. That wasn't like a passion, but not like I didn't want to do it. I just didn't know much about it. I did a lot of hours in like first, second, third. And so when I was offered a kindergarten position, I was like, uh, you know, sure, I'll take it. And I love it.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

So yeah, that's awesome. Just kind of stuck. And then our husbands both work for the railroad. The railroad. CSX.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

Matthew just started. He was a firefighter before. And he just started. He's actually still in training. He's away.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Yep. So but yeah, our husbands are obsessed with each other.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

Best friends.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

Best friends. So now they'll be at work every day together.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

And then we'll be here every day again.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Like, Kayla, please come home school with me.

SPEAKER_03 24:00

We would love to. Um but May is right around the corner. So summer.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Oh gosh, I cannot wait.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

Y'all should see us in the summer. Maybe you will. Maybe we'll just maybe we'll post some to our socials and y'all can see what we do every day.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

We're on social media.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

Did we mention that? No, I don't think we're going to be. We definitely need to mention that. Our socials, we have Instagram, TikTok. We will get a Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

We're going to do like our podcast video on YouTube. Right. So y'all want to watch us? Yes. You can watch us every week.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

Laugh at us. Laugh with us. As well as listen. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

So and just bear with us. We're we're trying this. But we're going to try to do an episode a week. Right. So that's our goal.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

And those are some ideas that we did that we've written down that we've thought about. But on our socials, we would love for y'all to be active and engage with us and um Tell us what you want to do. Tell us what you want.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

What questions you have.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

Yes, yes. We will be, we will try to be very active on our stories and question and answer, maybe go live, make and post. So your comments, your feedback, your conversation will be helpful for us as we go on this journey. And we definitely want to hear from y'all if there's something that y'all want more information on or have any questions. So we're really excited. And we hope you guys are too. We hope you are. We hope you're excited and we hope you're gonna come back every week and spend some time with us.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

And we'll see you next week on the Beauty for Ashes podcast.