The Weight We Carry: Stress, the Nervous System & Special Needs Parenting

In this episode of the Neurotrition Podcast, Dr. Matthew Zaideman welcomes Kristin Zaideman for a deeply personal and clinically grounded conversation about the stress, grief, exhaustion, and nervous system burden carried by special needs parents — especially mothers. The episode bridges what they live at home with what Dr. Zaideman sees clinically, creating a conversation for the parent who is tired in a way that goes far beyond ordinary fatigue. 

Together, Dr. Zaideman and Kristin explore the daily reality of special needs parenting: the logistics, the unpredictability, the invisible grief, the mental load, and the isolation many caregivers carry quietly. They discuss how love and exhaustion can exist at the same time, and why so many parents feel guilty for struggling even while doing everything they can for their child. 

The episode also brings in research to validate what many parents already feel. Dr. Zaideman discusses caregiver stress, burnout, unmet support needs, anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and the way chronic caregiving pressure can affect the autonomic nervous system. The message is clear: this is not weakness, overreaction, or a personal failing. Chronic parenting stress can become a neurological and physiological event. 

A major part of the conversation focuses on relationships under pressure. Dr. Zaideman and Kristin discuss how mothers and fathers may cope differently, how chronic stress can quietly affect marriage and family dynamics, and why supporting the caregiver must be part of the bigger clinical picture — not treated as an afterthought. 

The episode closes with a hopeful look at brain plasticity and nervous system support. Dr. Zaideman explains how tools such as sensory regulation, sleep optimization, movement, nutrition, and autonomic nervous system balance can help caregivers restore capacity. The takeaway is powerful: healing is not only for the child. It is for the parent, too. 

Subscribe for more empowering stories & expert insights!
Like & Share this video to spread awareness.

Podcast produced byJuming Delmas Studios
Sponsored by North Florida Spine and Wellness

Follow Us for More:

• Instagram: @neurotritionpodcast
• TikTok: @neurotritionpodcast
• Facebook: @NEURO-Trition 
• Website: www.neurotritionpodcast.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to another episode of the Neurotrition Podcast, where we give you the tools to balance the brain, optimize the body, and redefine how to unlock human potential.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

So seeing that with our daughter was kind of a wake-up call to realize how much he had missed, and I think that was that was difficult. That still is difficult.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Over 70% of uh parents with special needs children have excess levels of stress and anxiety. Um they're all colours mortality, so they die younger, um, which is not good because um these kids oftentimes need them to live a long time to give them the support as they get older. The Neurotrition Podcast is sponsored by North Florida Spinal Wellness and produced by Jumine Delmus Studios. Welcome to another episode of the Neurotrition Podcast, where we give you the tools to balance the brain, optimize the body, and redefine how to unlock human potential. Don't forget to like and subscribe and follow us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and TikTok at Neurotrition Podcast. And don't forget to visit NeurotritionPodcast.com where you can watch all of our episodes on your favorite podcast platform. Well, we have a very special guest here today. Uh this is my wife, Kristen, um, who also is our uh clinical director here at the office. And she also has a uh a master's degree in school counseling and clinical counseling. So uh very well versed in all the things. So um today we're gonna be talking about the stress of being a special needs parent, um, kind of the toll that can have. We're gonna talk about our experience raising a special needs child and kind of the challenges and kind of encourage people on some of the things they can do to handle that. Kristen, thanks for thanks for coming on.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

All right. Well, um, why don't we start off just talking a little bit about, you know, when Jacob was born and, you know, kind of the the journey. Um, I kind of want to, you know, let's talk about your perspective on it.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Sure. Um, Jacob came into the world in a very fast way. Um, his middle name is Rush, which was already planned because it was a fast name, and then it worked out because he came into the world in a very fast, rushful way. Um, he unfortunately had the cord wrapped around his neck twice, as you know. It was a very scary and quick birth for both of us. It was our first child that we had ever had. Um, but beyond that, everything, he was a pretty healthy, happy kid, um, all the way up until, gosh, even a year. I remember a video of him, um, lots of videos that I can look back on, and I didn't see any really red flags that first year. He um was overall just kind of a, like I said, a really healthy child who had most of the especially physical milestones. He was sitting, he was crawling, he was walking. Um, I have a video of him playing basketball where he looks at us and he starts clapping and he's real excited to show us how he just made his little basketball. Um, but yeah, he came into the world, I feel like, as a pretty typical kid, would you say?

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Yeah, I mean, it was really about, I mean, I guess around uh the timeline's a little fuzzy, but I would say probably around 18 months is when um it was a very sudden regression, it was very obvious. Um, you know, looking back, you know, maybe there were some things early on. I remember my mom saying um right around his first birthday, I feel like it was she was up. And she's like, the only thing I notice is like, you know, because I think we had like a little pool or something, I can't remember what it was, but he was taking a cup and you know, filling it up, pouring it out, filling it up, pouring it out, just really repetitive behaviors. Um, and you know, she noticed that and I was like, yeah, yeah. But I mean, some of that thing can be, you know, kind of animal at certain ages of development. Um, but really around 18 months, you know, he, you know, he wasn't like a big talker ever, really. Um, but he definitely had, I mean, probably 20, 30 words at 18 months. So probably if I had to guess off the top of my head.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

And he just totally stopped talking. And um, that was that was a huge red flag for me. Um, you know, I, you know, I kind of felt like um I was a little bit more, I don't I don't mean this as a dig, but you're fine. I I I do feel like you, I was a little more alarmed at that point. Um, and it, you know, part of it was our pediatrician was saying, hey, he's a boy, it's gonna take longer for him to talk. So I think that was part of um Kristen maybe not being as alarmed at first. And I think part of it is, you know, frankly, denial. You know, you don't you don't want there to be anything wrong, of course. And um, but I I was pretty sure at that point that there was something up. Um I I didn't necessarily um go straight to autism, but um, you know, uh that was that was on my radar, and it was um, I guess he was like, well, by the time that's another problem, is by the time we actually got him evaluated, he was probably at least two, two and a half, maybe even almost three. Um, and that's when the diagnosis happened. And so, you know, I mean, um, and that was uh that was a big thing. Um, I know for me, and you know, I'll let Kristen share how she felt about it, but um, for me, I was kind of angry at first um because we had done so much of the things, you know what I mean? I mean, we flooded our house with a uh sprayer for cloth diapers, you know, because we're avoiding the chemicals and the and the diapers and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, we did all the organic, we made his own baby food. And then um, you know, uh even with when we had to transition from from breastfeeding, we made his own formula, um, all of his weight gain, all of the physical stuff was really, really good. And so that, you know, we did so many things that um it was frustrating to me. And there was a little bit of um woe is me, I think, at first. Um, you know, I I don't how did you how did it hurt you?

SPEAKER_00 6:18

I think it's hard. I've been trying to think back on all of it. That first year of his life was so hard to begin with. Um, my mom had passed away when Jacob was just about four months. So with there was so much flying back and forth to Colorado to sell her home and do her service and take care of my grandmother who was back there. Um, so there was just a lot going on. And then, like Matt mentioned, our house ended up flooding. Um, we ended up moving into a hotel for a couple months when Jacob was six months old and spent the holidays there. Um, so it was just a wild time his first year. So there was just a lot going on. And then that second year, it was kind of, you know, when he was right around 18 months, it was such that sudden regression. And that's when I think I was starting to open my eyes to see what would happen. I had worked with children on the spectrum, but most of the time it was um college age, high school age. Um, I ran a summer camp for inclusive kids, but not little guys. And then I remember watching a lot of videos from um FSU Card has these great videos that talk about, you know, signs at 18 months and what they look like at toddlers. And it's still hard to see when they're so young the differences. Now I see the differences quite a bit and they're very apparent, but it's a lot harder when they're younger. Um, but how did I feel about it? I it's hard because it part of me was devastated, but part of me was also so happy that he was healthy, he was physically okay, um, and that all of those things were there. I think the grief came for me a little later than it did initially. I think the more time I saw him not speaking, the harder it was.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Yeah. Um, for me, you know, the the way I coped with it, and I'm I'm curious your initial coping meth uh mechanisms, but um, and this is just how I deal with life, and you know, maybe to a fault where, you know, I'm not always uh maybe don't have the proper emotional reaction to be like, you know, uh comforting about it or just, you know, kind of uh address the emotional aspect of it. Uh, but you know, for me it was more like going immediately into fixing mode. Yeah, that's that's that's how I'm more. I mean, that's what I do for a living is is fix problems. And I I do that a lot whenever a problem comes up, you know, I don't really process it emotionally as much as I just go into the immediate mode of how do I fix this situation. Yeah. Um, and that's when I went and learned all the Malua method stuff. Um, you know, read the book Disconnected Kids, um, made you suffer through the audio version of that. Um uh that wasn't the easiest listen, but um, and it made so much sense to me. And it, you know, um, you know, like we've uh like I talked about on another episode about how that journey has kind of you know worked into changing how the practice runs. So it's been, you know, really kind of a good thing in a lot of ways of of what we've been to write other people. Um, but I think it's really important to, and that's kind of the topic of the show, is to kind of focus on the stress load that that parents um have. You know, I think it's like 70%, uh over 70% of uh parents with special needs children um have excess levels of stress and anxiety. Um they're all colors mortality, so they die younger, um, which is not good because um these kids oftentimes need you to live a long time to give them the support as they get older. Yeah. Um, you know, uh I think a lot of those kids get forgotten when um they turn 18, 19, 20. Yeah. Um, because there's not as much support systems and it's more on the parents, um, which is even uh a bigger, bigger issue that leads uh to the stress.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Um, and you know, talking about what you were saying, it's like um you don't really see it coming as much because I think every child to some extent, especially your first, which Jacob was our first child, it's stressful, you know what I mean? Because you don't know what you're really doing and you're trying to figure it out. And um, you know, you kind of you kind of expect that stress to some extent. Does that make sense? Yeah. And the difference is, and you know, you can kind of pair this to our daughter, uh, Dylan, is you know, she can still have some stressors, but uh um, you know, it it kind of teeters down as a you know, she's able to communicate, she's able to be more independent and do things for herself. Yeah. And that doesn't really hap that didn't really happen. Well, it it's happened. You know, some of those, you know, Jacob Aziz improved and got more independent, that's happened. Um, but it's not as it's it's more steady of a hypervigilance that you're into.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Yeah. And I would say that's probably when I started to grieve too more, is when you have a second child and you see how much they accomplish so quickly. Like, I did I didn't know an 18-month-old could say that many words and do that many things and retain that much information. Um, so seeing that with our daughter was kind of a wake-up call to realize how much he had missed. And I think that was that was difficult. That still is difficult. I see her continue to hit certain milestones that he's just gonna take longer to hit. And I love seeing his milestones, but they're just different and they're yeah, slower, and they're not what his peers are doing. And I think that's what's hard is each of those milestones, there's a different level of grief with each of them. I mean, even now he's technically graduating elementary school, and what does that look like for him versus peers? And there's definitely some pros and cons with that. So I think there's grief along the way. Um pros and cons.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

And I I can't uh refrain from trying to talk about how this uh affects uh the stress load affects us physically and the uh physical um uh impact to your health. You know, I think the best way to describe it, and you know, we're you know, we're talking from the concept of of autism here. I mean, uh every autism patient or parent is gonna have a different experience for one, and every special needs parent's gonna have a different experience. You know, there's there's so many different conditions on there that um can be so much more stressful than others. Um I think we're very blessed uh that Jacob has made the scrides he has. Um and so, you know, of course, our perspective and our experience is gonna be different for others out there. Um, but I think probably for me, um, and I think you would uh I think I think you would probably agree with this, is probably what wears on us the most is the constant hypervigilance that's required. I'll never forget, and uh, I forget how old he was. He's you know, probably two, three, something like that. But um, I was uh before I purchased the practice, I was work, you know, we were working for another doctor. And um, I don't know if you remember, we he took us out to eat with him and his wife, uh, and it was us, and we couldn't get a babysitter, so we had to bring the kid, and we're like, Are you sure? He's like, Oh, it's fine. Um, and we went to a nice restaurant and it was really small too. So there was like, you know, how many, there was like, you know, maybe a total of 30 people in the whole restaurant. It was really compact. And he's in this high chair, and we're trying to have this conversation. I'm trying to make a good impression because I was yeah, I just you know, I haven't been there for very long. And um, he is like dropping stuff, and Kristen's constantly like this picking stuff off, putting it back in the table, trying to maintain pretend like this is not happening. And it was just it was the most exhausting dinner I've ever had in my life. Um, and uh, you know, and that you know, that was an extra, you know, it's more extreme, or you think about times we sat in the airport on a delay and just walked back and forth and back and forth. Oh, yeah, trying to keep him moving. Um I mean, and and you always have that in the back of your head, and you know, and it and it continues in other things because one thing with autism is these kids get really rigid in their routine. Yeah, you know, and um, you know, sometimes that the hypervigilance comes from you don't know what's going to small little changes. Maybe you can help me describe this a little better, these small little changes that happen because you see it more than I do, because you're more with him from the day to day, event to event. But so you sometimes you just can't foresee and process what those triggers are going to be.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Yeah. I think that's what's hard as a parent is you're always trying to think ahead of what could happen, what might happen, how do we make sure we have the right things in the car in case this XYZ happens, and how do we think through even school drop-off? I was discussing with him the other day how um camps are about to start. So school just finished, and now we need to start thinking about um our daughters having different camps. She's doing different activities this summer. So if we drop her off somewhere different every day, how is that going to impact him? We had a situation earlier this year where she had a track and field day at a different location, and um that did not go so well. He kind of freaked out because that was not her school. So now I'm starting to think ahead of, okay, what does that look like? Do we need to drop him off first? Um, does do we need to divide and conquer? And a different person takes the kids and drops them off. But now I need to think through each week of what that looks like. And I think what's hard as a parent, too, is you can think through all those things, and then it's not even those things that cracks the meltdown that day. It's something so, you know, random.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

You know, um, of course, you know, we had at this point, you know, you you have all those stressors. We talked about that. But I think another stress is how you deal with what to do, you know, because you know, we're given you get this diagnosis and you're given some basic things of um PT, OT, you know, we didn't we're we weren't recommended PT because you know his milestone, you know, he was he was meeting physical milestones. But uh OT speech therapy, um, ABA is pretty much what you're given, and it's kind of like good luck. Um but uh from my perspective, I was like, this is it, this is all we're gonna do. Um, and the reason I was like that was because I knew enough at the time that and I had read enough things and done enough research because I had treated kids with autism from a functional medicine perspective in the past, uh, before Jacob. Um, but you know, I knew that, and we had an MRI in his brain at one point, and I knew that he structurally his brain looks like every other kid. Yeah. So at its core, this is a connection problem. This is an imbalance in how things are wired in his nervous system. So to me, it was like, why aren't we trying to change that? Why is no one talking about that? I felt like, I don't know how you felt about it, but I felt like all these things are just trying to help him cope a little bit better with his disability.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Yeah. No, I agree. And I think it was interesting. You had really, I remember one of the first conferences we went to was down in the Omnude, Orlando, and Jacob, we didn't even have our daughter yet. Jacob was probably two, and I remember Dr. Malilla was there, and there was a few other others, and it was an IAFNER conference. And I mean, like I said, Jacob wasn't even diagnosed, and you were kind of jump jumping head in. Um, and I didn't know what to think of all of it. I was along, it was interesting, and then I remember you started talking about primitive reflexes, which I was familiar with. My mom had been a recreation therapist and was very big into primitive reflexes. So when Matt started talking about them, I kind of chuckled because my mom, every baby she saw, she was always checking the reflexes because she was so fascinated by it. And then as you continued to explain it more, it started to make sense. And then once I did listen to the audiobook of disconnected kids, it all really started to kind of put those pieces together for me, which made a little bit more sense and helped me, I think, to further help Jacob. I was still very happy with OT. I was happy with speech, I was happy with ABA. I think how I handled some of his diagnosis was making sure that I found the best OT, that I found the best speech therapist, that I made sure and advocated that we only wanted the RBTs who had the high enough skills that I felt qualified for him. We did equine therapy, hippotherapy. We made sure he was doing swimming lessons all the time. We made sure to kind of go out of the box too, because we knew he needed some other stuff.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

I think uh, I think too is like there is um, you know, I in our relationship, and this is a good, we have a good dynamic in the aspect of I'm definitely the gas pedal. Like I just jump into things right away. Um, I I try to hit, I'm always when I feel like I had something makes sense, I hit the ground running. Kristen's a little bit more of that brake pedal in the relationship that's like, let's let's think about this. Because I was ready, you know, I'm like, hey, we need this $8,000 laser, we need this, we need this. Um and uh you were definitely like, I I don't know about this. Let's think about this, let's back up. But I was ready to to jump in uh full steam. Um and uh, you know, I think it it definitely took some convincing. I mean, not that you didn't you didn't think it made sense, but I think it it definitely took some convincing to get you to buy into go in full steam into this.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

I think both of us you were those people, you had to prove it to us. And I think it, especially with your background, it you had been proven to you a lot of these things. That's fair. For me, you're putting a red light on my kid's head. I don't understand. And you want me to pay $8,000 for this tiny thing? I I was a little apprehensive, as you can all imagine. And this was a discussion in our home for six months to a year, if not longer, of buying one of these. But I think we weren't seeing results. He still wasn't talking. It was like, and then at that point, it was well, at least we can make it a business expense, use it in the office for other things, and let's try it and see what happens. And then between that and us really aggressively doing more, you know, prim reflex integration and doing other neuro stuff in the office, that made such a difference. And it did help that we had the laser. We brought it home at night, we really started to use it, and then next thing you know, we were noticing words, school was noticing words, therapists for six to eight weeks. Six words therapists were telling us they're noticing words, and it was like, okay, it's not just us that's noticing this. Maybe this is working. And then obviously, gosh, eight years later, it's working for not just our kids, but so many others too. It's been really cool to see.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

So that was also the one time in our relationship I was able to prove that I was right on every other time. I I I really want to get it like, you know, like a certificate with a plaque and put it on the wall, something like that. Yeah, I think that would be nice.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

But we do have four of them now in the office. So I feel like that says something about my change, my mind change.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Right. So um, anyway, going back to that, yeah. So I think um, you know, trying to find out the right therapies, and I get it, because there's so much stuff out there, and their parents is trying to, because you also have, I mean, there's a lot of naysayers out there, there's a lot of people who are gonna say, oh, this is junk science, this is this thing. You know, Dr. Millow's actually published 50 peer-reviewed papers. Um, so I mean, it's not like this has no research behind it. Yeah. Um, and and it's frustrating to me too, is that there's a lot of doctors who will discourage parents from doing certain things. And and trust me, I'll discourage certain parents from certain things because there is some things out there that frankly, I think are just trying to take advantage of the situation and um getting, you know, getting money from parents and um not really proving their results. Um, but that's what I really loved about what we do in the office because um this doc, you know, Dr. Malulo, who you know has been on the podcast before, you know, not only did he come up with this and um, you know, he proved it. You know what I mean? He he was able to challenge it with um really good studies that I I don't think is a lot out there in the world of what we do. A lot. Oh, well, you know, I've had a couple of patients get better, so it works. Um, but you know, I I think that is really important and for parents to differentiate some of that stuff, you know, ask, you know, if you're, you know, looking at um doing some outside-the-box therapy, you know, ask those individuals what research, what published papers, what studies are there to show this works. I mean, you don't need, and this is another thing that irritates me about evidence-based medicine, is that there's those out there who the only thing that's considered evidence-based is something that's gone through, you know, all these clinical trials, that frankly, these clinical trials um to get to the level of evidence-based can take 10, 15, 20 years to get to this proven beyond a reasonable doubt. And especially when you're talking about autism, if you wait for that, you've lost your window. Yeah. You can't even do these things, it's not gonna impact it. So, you know, my my guideline on that is is there, is there evidence, uh, some scientific evidence that shows this makes sense? Uh, number one. Number two, is there evidence that this is gonna hurt them? And, you know, even my mom freaked out when I said I was putting a laser on our kid's brain. Um, which I get it. I mean, because you know, you're probably thinking this is uh a laser from the Death Star uh that's uh gonna fry his brain. But you know, there's actually thousands of studies on using red light on the brain, and there is no adverse uh side effects um for it. And uh it's a very, very safe treatment uh modality. So to me, if it if it makes sense, if there is at least some group of studies that show a positive influence, and if it's safe, then I'm I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna use it because um, you know, our child, you know, Jacob deserves, I think, everything we can possibly do to improve his life and get him to a level of independence.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Yeah. And I think your background too, and just who you are, you want to see the research. I think there's a lot of parents out there who want to see the research. Me as a parent, I want to see my child make change. And I think, yes, I want to see the research, but I I wanted to see my kid make change because my kid's different than other kids. And we, every kid is so individual. And we would hear that in schools too. Like, we've never seen a kid this sensory. I'll never forget his pre-K teacher repeatedly saying to me, We've just not seen one this sensory before, you know, and he's still a pre-sensory kid, but we were realizing pretty quickly that our kid was just not the typical autistic kid. And that so I wanted to see things work with him, and it was it was really cool starting to see those results. It was there's a video that I think of two with Dylan. Um, gosh, she's probably two and a half, and she's out in the backyard with him, and they're playing with these big dinosaurs, and you hear her go, Um, Mom, I think she says something like, Mom, look, Jacob's playing with me. And like, she noticed she's two and a half. Like, I don't want to cry, but like she's two and a half, and she's realizing that her brother's actually engaging with her. And it was just like, he is, he's totally engaging with her, and that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

So and that's a big thing. Uh that has been a big thing, and that's something I've really seen even recently really flourish is his connection to her. Yeah. Um, and I mean, he's connecting, I think, with other kids now too a lot more, but had that bond and connection he's um formed with her, um, even though you know she has some stress with him for good reason. Um, but uh that's been really uh really, really special.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

I think she's been one of his best therapists. We've talked about that a lot, and she's helped him understand friendships and relationships and stuff. We pulled up, I don't know if I told you this, but we pulled up to school the other day. We were driving and we were at the stoplight right before school, and he saw his school and he goes, That's my school. And then he goes, And those are my friends. And I was like, Yes, like he wants friends, he wants to go to school, he's excited, he's happy. Like when I think about where we would want him, like he's just in a good place, and it's it's taken a while and it's taken a lot of work and a village and quite a bit of time and energy and resources on both of our parts. I think about how many times you've gone to New York to learn things, you know, and so it's just it's been a lot, but it's it's been worth it. And I just when I think about parents out there, just do what you can for your kid, think outside the box, have them do different things. Um, because you never know what's gonna stick, you know, and certain things do and certain things don't. I think when we tried music therapy, I remember him just screaming and hating, and I thought he'd love it. And now he's at home playing on the piano and Bowser songs. Um, so I just think it's important to try different things. We tried taekwondo and maybe trying a little black.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Yeah, like something that he may not, you know, at one point didn't do well, you know, especially as they get more functional, try it again because it might they at a different time it might um be more successful. Um, I think it's important because you know, we're you know, we're talking a lot about our stressors and different, you know, successes and things like that. But I think it's really important to share the importance of caregivers and parents of actually taking action steps to deal with their stress. I think you get so isolated because you're afraid to go out in public. You're afraid of the optics, you're afraid of what it looks like. Um, you know, and I think that's one great thing we've done is we really hadn't altered our life too much of what we would do on a trip on a day-to-day basis. Obviously, we alter how we do it, but you know, we take him out to eat, we go to theme parks, we go on vacations, we went on a cruise with him, you know, which I think we were both a little nervous about. But actually, it went really well. I mean, not to mention they didn't have I still can't believe that. They had no, all these restaurants at this cruise ship had no kids' cup, and so no lid. And so here's Jacob with this fancy uh glass wine cup with water in it, and we're just like, oh my god, how many broken glasses? But he did not break one glass the whole time, which was incredible.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

I think it's because the boat was moving it.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Yeah, it's probably it actually probably did help balance his vestibular system a little bit. Um, I didn't even think about that, but that probably was therapeutic in a way. Um, but uh, you know, I I think it's important to think about how you deal with the stress. Because I mean, there's a lot of negative ways to deal with the stress, whether it's things like drinking or um, you know, emotional eating, you know, um things that most people do under stress. For me, it was really committing to um regular exercise. Um, it was it's been really important, I think, to me to um cut off work at certain times, maybe where I maybe shouldn't and keep working, but you know, making a commitment to okay, it's six o'clock, I'm cutting this off, I'm coming home. Um, so uh, no, I mean, what do you what what has been helpful for you? I mean, that's what's been helpful for me.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

I agree. And I think we both have we've done good and we've done bad over time. Yeah um right now we're in a good place and we're doing all the things I think that are good. So we're both at least four times a week weight training, doing cardio, getting our protein, all the things that we're supposed to be doing, trying to get massages, trying to, you know, work on our vagus nerve, trying to spend time with our kids too, even individually and having quality time with them, having quality time as a family. Um, but we have definitely had periods of life where we have struggled, where we have um not wanted to go do those things and have kind of self-sabotaged ourselves and have kind of lived with that grief. And thankfully we're at a place of turning that around. Um, but it has been hard. We've had a lot, we do live a different life, I think, than most people are tired as not most people's tired. Running a business, running a business that treats special kit needs kids, that treats families. I mean, I know the pain in my body, and I see that pain in a lot of our patients too. And I'm such an empath that it is hard. You see these parents going through so much, but then we get to see the joy of change too. But it is hard that we work in an emotional office. Um, just I don't want to say it like that, but we work in a place of there's just a lot of emotions that occur, a lot of highs and lows of seeing these kids. And some of them are really severe and some of them make really good changes, and it's amazing to see, but that doesn't take away from the pain that these parents have and families have dealt with over the years. Yeah, 100%. And that that becomes really hard as well.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

But and I think too, like even something as simple as working out, like having that time to go to the gym. I think it's also really important, and from the relationship standpoint, is to try to be flexible with your roles. Um, I mean, obviously the way things work, um, you know, Kristen does 90% of the day today, um, getting them to school, getting the new activities, doing all that while I'm working. She's also working in the office. Um, but it's also important for me to be able to pick up those pieces of, you know, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, um, because we all get to these breaking points. Um, and it's usually luckily not at the same time. I think most of the time, like one of us is more functional than the other, I'll say. And so I think we do a good job of being able to pick up the slack for each other um to, you know, facilitate what needs to be done. And I think that flexibility and roles has been um really, really helpful. But, you know, you know, going, taking even something as simple as getting a massage or going to work out, um, I think it's important to have that self-time. Yeah. Um, because especially with a special needs child, you, you know, they're, you know, they're with you all the time. You're kind of having to work with them all the time. And having that break, even if it's simple as an hour at the gym, yeah, um, can be really helpful. But it needs to be routine. You know, it needs to be something that's consistent like everything else. And so um, those would be my major take-home for parents is to do things like that. Of course, I'm gonna tell you um there's some great things like Vegas nerve stimulation and you know, red light therapy and different things we can do to help build your resiliency on a neurological level. Um, but you know, just from a practical day to day, um, those are the things that I I think are really, really important.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Yeah, definitely. And I think that's gonna look different for every family as well. Some family have a lot of support in town and can get those things. We struggle, we don't have family here. Um, the family that we do have for me is either in Colorado or for us in Central Florida, and they all help where they can, but it's not that, you know, it's not very often, unfortunately. And so we have to figure out what that looks like. And thankfully, even that one hour a day has made such a difference for both of us to be able to take that time and um just have that hour of silence to do what we need to and lift heavy weights or just sit in a car and breathe for a minute and have that.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

This is a little bit more your field, but I mean, what about like counseling support systems? Um, I mean, I'm not, you know, you know this about me. I'm I mean, I've done, you know, therapy. It's it has been helpful. I won't say therapy hasn't been helpful. Um, but I definitely get to a point where I just feel like I'm saying the same things over and over again. Um, so I it kind of plateaus on me as far as uh benefit. But what are you what do you think could also help parents on that level?

SPEAKER_00 33:15

I think each resources. So for some people it might be talk therapy in person. For other people, it might be talk therapy via telehealth. They may feel more comfortable doing something telehealth where they don't have to go in person. Um, other people might like group therapy where maybe you're able to sit with other parents who are experiencing similar things. Um, that's something we may start in the fall doing. Um, we've kind of discussed doing that as well. I've ran groups in the past and just having that support system where you're able to share with other parents. Yeah, and just what was what were your highs and lows this week? And let's just kind of talk about it and what are some things and strategies we can each do. Um, I I see a psychologist that I've known for many years, um, and she's got a great book that's uh self-help on the go. Um, Dr. Carrie Mersham, shout out. Um, but it's all self-help on the go. It's all these little things you can kind of do on the go, which I think is really nice. Um, and then other people, like you're saying, non-talk therapy is not for everybody. So, and that's fine too. So maybe for those people, we have a lot of people, men and women, who use our services because they do get a lot of their anxiety reduced without needing to um go speak to somebody. So whether it's everything from the functional neurology we do or even a massage, it's just that person, some people it's running, it's just finding out what it is for each person.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Well, I think that's really helpful. And I think this is a really important conversation we've had because it's not talked about enough. The focus is so much on the kids, and it should be. I mean, that is the primary focus. But if you know the parents don't take care of their stress load, it's gonna affect their relationships. Um, you know, the dwarf rate is much higher in special needs child, especially autism. Um, but it's really important to maintain your relationship, and it's much easier to do this together than it is individual. Um, and it's it's going to impact your health, and you need to be here for these kids. Um, like we talked on the episode with Dr. Sima, is like I I need to be here a long time for our kids. You need to be a long uh a long time uh for for both of our kids. So I think it's important that we do some self-care and and take a look at this. And I think that's really important. Really important. Agree. Yeah, thank you. All right, well, uh, yeah, thanks for coming on the show. And I don't know, are the kids here? Yeah, I'll go grabble.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Jacob, you want to stand? You can probably stand right here. You can sit with me.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Jacob can stand. Hey, what's your name?

SPEAKER_00 35:42

Jacob.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

Can you say hi to everybody?

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Hi. You want to tell me your last name? What's your last name? Jacob. No, your last name. Jacob was Simon. Oh, yeah, very good.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

Good job. All right, and who are you?

SPEAKER_00 35:56

Dylan.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Dylan, alright. Well, yeah, this is uh this is our pack of wild animals, so. Um anyway, thank you guys for so much for joining in. I hope this is helpful for everybody. Um, just know you're not alone with all this. I know it can be very difficult um in these situations, but don't forget to like and subscribe and follow us on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and TikTok. And don't forget to visit us at Neurotrition Podcast.com where you can uh look at all of our episodes on your favorite podcast platform. We will see you guys on the next episode.