Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
Being married to medicine comes with challenges—long hours, relocations, and feeling like you’re navigating it all alone. That’s where this podcast comes in.
I’m sharing the things I wish someone had told me—how to survive medical training, juggle parenting, manage finances, and actually build a life you love. We’ll cover everything from making friends in a new city to understanding insurance, finding childcare, and staying connected as a couple.
Some episodes will be just me, sharing real stories and lessons learned. Other times, I’ll bring on expert guests—financial advisors, physician spouses, and those who’ve been through it all—to offer practical advice.
Most of all, this is a place for community. A space where you can feel understood, supported, and even laugh along the way. Because being married to medicine doesn’t mean doing it alone.
So grab a coffee (or wine!), and let’s talk about the real side of life Behind The White Coat.
Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
#7| Welcome to The Shit Show, Where Everyone is Welcome!
Being busy has become our society's badge of honor, but there's no gold medal for exhaustion. We've been conditioned to believe that unless we're hustling and overachieving, we're not doing enough.
• Managing a household alone while your partner works in medicine is challenging, even without children
• It's okay to have days where you choose rest over productivity
• Imperfect moments often become cherished memories
• Finding community with others in similar situations provides essential support
• Lower the bar without guilt during difficult seasons
• Find a "freezer friend" to share meal responsibilities
• Use paper plates, embrace frozen meals, and let the laundry wait sometimes
• Combine social connection with movement through walk-and-talk meetups
• Welcome people into your home even when it's not perfect
• Redefine winning the day—focus on connection, not tasks
• People remember how they felt in your home, not how clean it was
Share this episode with someone who could benefit from hearing this message, and please send any questions or comments my way.
Hey there and welcome to Behind the White Coat. I'm Amanda Barron, your host, physician, spouse and your go-to friend for real talk about this medical life. If you're juggling long hours, solo parenting or finances and feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone. This podcast is your space for honest conversations, real advice and the support that I wished I'd had years ago. So some episodes will be just me sharing what I've learned along the way, and then other times I'll bring on guests to help navigate the challenges of being married to medicine. So grab a cup of coffee or wine, get comfy and let's dive in. Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode.
Speaker 1:I am so thankful you are here and spending a few minutes out of your day, so today's episode is for the ones who are trying to hold it all together. You've got all these balls in the air and you feel like something is always going to slip through the cracks. And unfortunately, in our society that we are in now being busy has become a badge of honor, a marker for our success. And why? Why is burnout worn like a trophy and rest just seems like you are weak? We have been conditioned to believe that unless we're hustling, overachieving or multitasking at an Olympic level. We're not doing enough. But let me tell you it's exhausting, and there's no gold medal for the most exhausted. It's okay to have days where you sit in your cluttered living room, you stare at this pile of laundry and you choose to read a book instead, that you don't have to be these Pinterest, perfect social media photos that we see on a day to day basis, and it's okay if your dinner is PB&J and a handful of grapes. Some of our best family nights have been family dinners and a movie. But let me tell you this, because I think it needs to be said more is, even if you don't have kids, this still applies to you too it's still so much to be managing the house, and this isn't only just for physician spouses Obviously it's geared towards them but people who have partners or spouses in the military, overseas.
Speaker 1:If you've got a partner or spouse that travels all the time, you are still the one managing the house, the yard, the bills, the pets, planning vacations, remembering birthdays, scrubbing toilets, meal planning and potentially cooking a meal, if you actually have the energy to do it. And then, god forbid, if you try to take any time for yourself to have a social life work out. You don't need a full house to feel stretched thin and you definitely don't need permission to rest if you aren't parenting. It's hard to change that mindset of. It doesn't have to be perfect. I don't have to get this all done today, and my husband reminds me of that on a daily basis and it's hard for me, for my personality, it's very hard for me to do that. But you have to kind of do a little bit of a mindset. You have to know that if you are burned out, if your cup is empty, how are you going to fill up for anyone else? And so honestly, if I take a step back and look at things, I'd much rather have a night of cereal for dinner with my kids and laugh together than serve a perfectly balanced meal in a house that feels tense from the pressure to be on all of the time.
Speaker 1:And speaking of imperfection, so here's a mom confession that I think a lot of you could resonate with. So I have definitely been the mom who forgot it was picture day. On multiple occasions my son went to school with a full bedhead, wearing a graphic tee. That was probably a medium and three years past its prime, and you know what? The photo which I originally panicked over, is probably one of my absolute favorites. When I look back at that Now, my boys are 16 and 19, and I look at the picture and it definitely makes me smile, definitely makes me laugh and not because it's perfect, but it's real. Makes me laugh and not because it's perfect, but it's real. It tells a story. It makes me instantly have memories of our time when our kids were little, and that moment it's just like others where it's not about getting it right, it's about showing up and being present in that moment. And I'm definitely a work in progress. I, by nature, want things to be perfect. I want the to-do list to get completely done at the end of every day, so I have to constantly remind myself. But it's season of life. I feel like we move through different things at different parts of our life. As far as the chaos, I have a story that I want to tell you guys about as well.
Speaker 1:So my husband had to do a second fellowship in Cincinnati while I solo parented and lived here in Nashville for that year, and our kids at the time were two and five and I was trying to manage everything. So at that time we had a house that we were trying to sell, we were renting a house, we were building a house, and then on top of that I had my kids. You know, keeping my sanity with zero backup, probably way too much dry shampoo in my hair. We didn't have family close by, but what saved me wasn't outsourcing or some magical planner that I could map out my day hour by hour, but it was my friend who lived down the street from me and I'm giving Kimberly a shout out I love you. We still keep in touch to this day and she was my saving grace.
Speaker 1:So our kids were about the same age and we had the same bus stop so many times during the week because her husband was working. We'd meet at the bus stop to pick up the kids and look at each other and basically ask hey, what do you have in your freezer, what do you have as far as leftovers? And between the two of us we would pull together some kind of dinner, and on many occasions it was dinosaur nuggets, leftover pizza and, if we were lucky, maybe some Chips, ahoy cookies, and we'd sit, talk, have dinner, while our kids ran around crazy and played in the yard. We laughed, we vented, we drank wine, we reminded each other that we were doing enough, and in that moment, our kids had no idea that times were rough. They were making memories, they were playing with friends, they were fed and by no means was this a Pinterest-worthy dinner but we were surviving and, more than that, we were living.
Speaker 1:So if you're in that season now, whether your spouse is training or working crazy hours and you feel like the weight of everything is on your shoulders, I completely understand. But I want you to hear this that you're doing a great job, even when it feels like you aren't, even when it feels like you're about to have a nervous breakdown, feels like you aren't. Even when it feels like you're about to have a nervous breakdown, just make sure you carve out time to let yourself know you're doing it, you're in this, you are surviving, and I've got five takeaways that I think are actionable, doable things that you could try today to hopefully lift the pressure off you just a little bit, so that you can make sure you're filling your cup, so that way you can fill the cup of others. So first, find you a freezer friend, text a neighbor, another parent or someone from your community and just say hey, do you want to team up for dinner, maybe even do childcare swap. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just real and honest, and I guarantee you that parent on the other side or that friend on the other side feels the same way and they would be completely open with getting together.
Speaker 1:The second piece of advice you have to lower the bar and leave it there. At least in these crazy seasons of life Paper plates, frozen meals, mountain of laundry it's okay. Give yourself permission to do less and feel zero guilt about it Because, like I said, this too is a season of life and things will pass. But sometimes you've got to take some time for yourself, have a different mindset and then just survive. The third would be walk and talk. Even if you can't carve out alone time, invite a friend to walk and chat with you. That was one of my most favorite things to do because it allowed my kids to come with me, whether they were in a stroller, a bike, a scooter or they walked with me, but we got fresh air, we had movement, we were able to have connection, I was able to have a venting session, laughs, whatever it was. It made my day so much better. It changed my mood, anything that I was feeling kind of funky about that day. It changed my mood Anything that I was feeling kind of funky about that day. It definitely helped not only to talk but to move as well.
Speaker 1:Number four let the mess be part of the memory. Your house doesn't have to be spotless to host someone. Let people in, even when your space or your spirit feels messy. That's where the good stuff happens. So I would tell people they were always welcome to come over at any time, because I loved, loved entertaining people. But I always warned them listen, when you come over, you'll probably have some sort of slobber, schmutz or shit on you when you leave, because we had boys, we lived on land so they were constantly in the dirt and we had all kinds of animals that everybody loved to play with. So the door is always open.
Speaker 1:Just know it's not going to be perfect or spotless, and the last one would be redefine, winning the day. So it's not about your to-do list, it's not about these Pinterest-worthy dinners. But did you hug your kids? Did you have time to connect with your spouse? Did you eat something? Did you text a friend or call a friend? Did you laugh? You are winning. So check that off your to-do list and kind of reframe what that to-do list looks like.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, no one remembers how clean your floors were, but they will remember how it felt to live in your home. They will remember how you made them feel the warmth, the laughter and the grace. So make sure you give yourself grace and lean into your friends and let go of perfection. I promise once you release the pressure to do it all, you make room for what actually matters that joy, being present, making connections and sometimes even the chaos. This life is messy and unpredictable, but it's also beautiful and you are doing better than you think. So until next time I'll be over here embracing the crumbs, the chaos and the serial nights right along with you.
Speaker 1:So thanks again for listening and I encourage you to share this with somebody that you feel like could benefit. And if you've got any questions concerns comments, please let me know, and I look forward to the next episode. Bye, that's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported, and if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review or share it with another. Physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you, so let's keep this conversation going. Dm me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor, with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me and remember you are never in this alone. See you next time.