Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses

#8| I Think His Brain Is Full

• Amanda

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Medicine shapes our physician spouses in hilarious and sometimes mind-boggling ways beyond their professional lives. These quirky behaviors stem from their brains being full of medical knowledge, leaving little room for everyday things.

• Physicians develop the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime—even falling asleep at restaurant tables or mid-conversation
• They constantly lose personal items, from wedding rings to electronics, due to mental overload
• The infamous "you're fine" diagnosis is applied to family members for virtually any ailment
• These quirks aren't signs of incompetence but beautiful reminders of their demanding profession
• When physicians let their guard down at home, it means you're their safe place where they can finally relax

Please send this episode to a fellow spouse who needs it, leave a review, and remember that what looks like chaos can also be a great love story. DM me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions or guest suggestions.


Speaker 1:

Hey there and welcome to Behind the White Coat. I'm Amanda Barron, your host physician spouse and your go-to friend for real talk about this medical life. If you're juggling long hours, solo parenting or finances and feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone. This podcast is your space for honest conversations, real advice and the support that I wished I'd had years ago. So some episodes will be just me sharing what I've learned along the way, and then other times I'll bring on guests to help navigate the challenges of being married to medicine. So grab a cup of coffee or wine, get comfy and let's dive in. Hello and welcome back. I am so happy to have you here Today.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to just jump right in and basically talk about all the ways medicine shapes our spouses, not just professionally but in a tiny, hilarious, sometimes mind-boggling things that they do. And it just doesn't make sense. I really think it's because they have to make so many decisions at work, have so many responsibilities at work, that they have no more room in their brain for anything else. And what sparked this topic? I had gone with some physician spouse friends to celebrate a birthday for lunch and it was the topic of our discussion and it just made me giggle because we all agreed we could all relate and I thought it's going to be a perfect episode. So let's just dive right in.

Speaker 1:

First thing that I noticed that really changed my husband from before med school and before training is his sleep patterns. So my husband can basically now sleep anywhere and I mean anywhere. It's really impressive, honestly. It's an impressive side effect of medical training. And not only can he sleep anywhere, but at the drop of a hat. So one time we were on a date and we were at a restaurant out to dinner and we hadn't even gotten our food yet and he literally fell asleep on the table on the table and I tried to get him back up and, you guys, he was so exhausted, I honestly felt so bad for him that we ended up taking our food to go and we had to reschedule date night, whatever. But he has on many occasions also fallen asleep mid-sentence during a conversation which, oh my gosh, I am jealous because I am a terrible sleeper Ever since we had kids. I am a terrible sleeper Ever since we had kids. I am a light sleeper. It takes me forever to fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and try to solve all of the world's problems at two in the morning and then I can't go back to sleep. So that's the first thing Can sleep anywhere and basically fall asleep super fast. The other thing is I feel like they can't ever find anything, and maybe medicine gave them the power to remember these unbelievable amounts of information. But, like I said, I think their brain is full. They cannot remember where they put something.

Speaker 1:

And if your spouse or partner is anything like my husband, he loses everything, everything. And I've got a few examples. But a big one is we are on our third wedding ring for my husband, but we kind of planned for this just because I know his personality. I think we spent $50 on his first ring and I know we didn't spend any more than that on the other rings, but yeah, he has lost many of them. Now, to his defense, he has to scrub in for surgeries, take the wedding ring off, so sometimes it sits on a counter, sometimes it goes in his lead, sometimes it goes in his scrub pants and then they have I don't even know what you call it, but they take the scrubs off at work and put them in a bin and then it spits out new scrubs. So I'm Another example would be I think he's on his second or third pair of AirPods and he leaves stuff all around the hospital all the time and sometimes finds them, but sometimes doesn't.

Speaker 1:

That's why I told him he needs to label things so when people find them, that it can hopefully work its way back. But he had these Beats and they were like bigger ones in a case and happened to be having a conversation with like a nurse or a tech and they had mentioned oh yeah, I've seen those, they're in such and such room on this shelf. Lo and behold, there they were and they'd been sitting there, you guys, for over a year, over a year, and I don't understand that. I just somebody explain that to me. And then my last example. I don't know why.

Speaker 1:

He didn't actually take his wallet, but he was going to eat with a fellow physician friend and only took his debit card and he put it in his phone case. You know how a lot of times people will take the case off and then put something money, credit card in between the phone and the phone case. That's what he did. And then went and ate and came home and then the next day went into his wallet and I don't have my debit card. I must have left it at the restaurant Y'all. He called the restaurant, explained to them that he thought he lost the card, left it there. Of course the restaurant's like nope, nope, no credit card or debit card here, called the bank. We canceled. That night he found it because he was cleaning his phone. He had totally forgotten he had put his debit card there and, like I said, he's so brilliant. But I do not understand the whole absent-minded professor thing and I think it's just he's got enough information in there and doesn't need to remember those things.

Speaker 1:

Maybe the third thing that I was going to say, that I feel like medicine has kind of changed him, is for me or family members, our kids, that if there's ever anything wrong with us, so if we're sick, if we're injured, every single thing that happens to us, we are automatically fine. If we're coughing, the air must be dry. You have a sore throat, it must be allergies. You have a fever, let's wait it out. You're limping. I think you just must have pulled a little something, you're okay. And so if you're not on your deathbed or missing a limb, then the answer is you're fine. Then the answer is you're fine.

Speaker 1:

And an example of that would be I was pregnant with our second kiddo and I think I was 36, almost 37 weeks pregnant and again to his defense, I think he had just gotten off 36-hour shift. I had had Braxton Hicks my entire pregnancy, entire pregnancy. I even went to the hospital at one point before that thinking I was in labor and it was the Braxton Hicks. I was fine. They sent me home so fast forward to this night we had a two-year-old sleeping. My husband came home so tired, went to sleep. I had been having you, been having these Braxton Hicks air quotes and just really uncomfortable, couldn't sleep. So I finally got him up, convinced him to get up, we got our two-year-old, finally got to the hospital and I was eight centimeters dilated and my sweet husband looked at me and basically was like I'm so sorry, I am so sorry, I should have listened and I didn't. And so everything ended up being fine. But in that case I just feel like we get the you're fine diagnosis ever since medicine.

Speaker 1:

So what I have realized in all of these little quirks, the forgetfulness, the you're fine diagnosis, sleeping at odd places. They're weirdly beautiful reminders of just how much they've been through. It's not incompetence, it is brain overload. Their mental hard drive is filled with these diagnosis, discharge plans, coding. There's just. There's no more space left For where to keep the peanut butter in garbage bags and where's the ketchup. And these habits are just leftovers From years of night shifts, medical trauma. They've seen no sleep and now potentially trying to catch up on it. They didn't choose this way, but they had to adapt, I think, to survive.

Speaker 1:

So while it can be frustrating for us on the other side in the moment, there's also something, I think, really humbling about watching this person, who so many people rely on, completely let go when they walk through the door. It is comforting knowing that you are their person. It means that they feel safe and you are their safe place and they can finally let their brain rest. So remember to give them a little space, have grace and allow them to relax. If your life looks anything like this and if your spouse basically can sleep at the drop of a hat, literally loses things, can't find things in the house, or you have a just fine diagnosis, you are in the right place.

Speaker 1:

This is life behind the white coat. It's funny, it's messy, it's real and, yes, it is absolutely exhausting sometimes. So if this episode made you laugh. Please send it to a fellow spouse who needs it. If you related to it, I would love to have some feedback from you. Please give it a review and, until next time, be kind to your full-brained partner, help them find their wallet again and never forget what looks like chaos can also be a great love story. That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat.

Speaker 1:

I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported, and if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind, this podcast is for you, so let's keep this conversation going. Dm me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor, with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me and remember you are never in this alone. See you next time.