Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
Being married to medicine comes with challenges—long hours, relocations, and feeling like you’re navigating it all alone. That’s where this podcast comes in.
I’m sharing the things I wish someone had told me—how to survive medical training, juggle parenting, manage finances, and actually build a life you love. We’ll cover everything from making friends in a new city to understanding insurance, finding childcare, and staying connected as a couple.
Some episodes will be just me, sharing real stories and lessons learned. Other times, I’ll bring on expert guests—financial advisors, physician spouses, and those who’ve been through it all—to offer practical advice.
Most of all, this is a place for community. A space where you can feel understood, supported, and even laugh along the way. Because being married to medicine doesn’t mean doing it alone.
So grab a coffee (or wine!), and let’s talk about the real side of life Behind The White Coat.
Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
#17| You Can Support Their Purpose Without Sacrificing Yours
Supporting a spouse through medical training comes with unique challenges as physician partners often put their own dreams on hold while managing household responsibilities and providing emotional support.
• Finding what lights you up and protecting time for activities that reconnect you to your authentic self
• Acknowledging that your career still matters and finding creative solutions that work with your spouse's schedule
• Building community with others who understand the unique challenges of medical training
• Setting small personal goals to maintain momentum toward your own dreams
• Releasing guilt about wanting more than being the background character in someone else's story
• Remembering you can support their purpose without sacrificing yours
Leave a quick review to help more physician spouses find the show and connect with our community. DM me on Instagram or email at amanda@abtnhomes.com with your thoughts, topic ideas, or guest suggestions.
Hello and welcome back to Behind the White Coat, so glad you're here. Today's episode, I feel like, is really important. I've had a lot of other fellow physician spouses reach out to me and talk about this topic. I'm going to go ahead and just jump into what this topic is all about. So have you ever looked around and thought when did my life become all about somebody else's schedule? And it's hard. You've got the call shifts, you have solo parenting, the background hum of just being needed but rarely asked, and a lot of times of what do you need? And this episode is just that. What we are talking about supporting your spouse through medical training. It's no small feat, but neither is remembering who you are in the process. We'll be talking about guilt of wanting more, the loneliness that no one seems to see, and how to find your spark again. Even when you are buried under laundry calendars and maybe a mountain of emotional labor, felt like the invisible partner or like you are cheering from the sidelines with no energy left for yourself, then this episode is for you.
Speaker 1:So when your spouse is going through medical training, whether it's med school, residency, fellowship it's not just their life on pause, but yours too. You put your dreams on hold. Sometimes you uproot your life to follow them across the country. You maybe switch jobs, you leave your people and your comfort zone and it's hard. And suddenly your world starts to revolve around their exam schedules, their relentless call schedule, night shifts. It really revolves around them and little by little I personally found myself kind of fading into the background. You become the glue that holds the house together, the one managing everything so that they can stay focused. You are cheering them on. But at the same, together the one managing everything so that they can stay focused you are cheering them on. But at the same time, sometimes you are quietly losing sight of who you are. And what makes it even harder is you rarely get to talk about it. I feel like there's a little bit of guilt behind it. I feel like we're just trying to survive, to get through this.
Speaker 1:It's a season of intense training, intense learning, but over time, while I was that support system and I'm so grateful that I had that moment in time, not only for our relationship, but to also be the person at home raising our kids and I know everybody's situation is different, whether you can't stay home, don't want to stay home, and so just know that this is just coming from my situation, but there were times when I thought, well, when do I get to grow? When is it going to be my turn to apply my education or my training or certain passions that maybe I had and wanted to explore a career in that? It's a tough truth. Our partner schedules they're not flexible. They can't take off when a kiddo is sick. Typically they can't shift their schedule around because maybe you get a job interview. So if you want to go back and forth or chase a dream or sometimes pivot because you're ready to go back to work or you're ready to pivot and come home because you've been at work, you almost always have to be the flexible one.
Speaker 1:And it can be heavy, sometimes it can be lonely and sometimes it can be unfair. And the good news is that you can do these things. You may just have to get a little bit more creative. You definitely have to have some hard conversations with your spouse, and so that's what this episode is all about, and I wanted to just kind of go into a little bit deeper of keeping that flame alive for you. And when I say that spark, it's more on your spark for you individually.
Speaker 1:So I've got a few strategies that have helped me and some other spouses that have walked this road. So the first one is, when I'm talking about that spark, I mean find your fire. You know what lights you up and then protect that. So what's something that makes you feel you and I don't mean like so-and-so's mom or so-and-so's wife or so-and-so's spouse, but you and I don't mean like so-and-so's mom or so-and-so's wife or so-and-so's spouse, but you Pick one thing this week that makes you kind of reconnect to that spark. I don't know what that would be, but maybe it's actually getting dressed, going to volunteer, going to a job interview, going to volunteer, going to a job interview. Maybe you just haven't gotten out of the house for a while. I know a lot of times I'll be stuck in my yoga pants and when I actually get myself up ready to go, I automatically am feeling better. But whatever that spark is, find it and protect it and do one thing for yourself.
Speaker 1:The second thing is your career still matters. Maybe it got put on hold, maybe you did a career change. Speaking for my own experience, before kids I was a high school math teacher, then had our kids and for me, I really wanted to stay home. It seemed to be our best choice, one financially. What I was going to make teaching was going to go straight to childcare, and then I didn't have any flexibility around my husband's schedule. So that's what drove me to stay home, and I'm so grateful for that time. But whatever that path is for you, it still matters, so it's a huge one.
Speaker 1:Maybe you're itching to go back to work or just trying to figure out what kind of job could possibly work with the chaos of life and with your spouse's crazy schedule, with the chaos of life and with your spouse's crazy schedule. And what I've learned is that you have permission to build a career that works for you, and maybe that's remote, maybe it's part-time, maybe it's a full-time leap, with help If you've got friends, family around, nanny, whatever that village looks like that you can build. But there are also jobs that could honor some flexibility. Maybe you're able to take your kid to work. Maybe you just have to get a little bit more creative and network with other people that get it other physicians, spouses or look into fields that you are your own boss. You are your own entrepreneur, and then you can create your schedule, whether it's coaching, copywriting, consulting digital products.
Speaker 1:It's not always fair that you have to be the flexible one, but you're also allowed to build the life that feels most aligned, even if it looks different than what you had initially pictured. You can create that and figure out what kind of career path you want now, and I feel like not only does seasons of life change, but maybe what those wants and dreams are that you want to pursue change too. So you've sacrificed a lot, and it doesn't mean that your story is over too. So you've sacrificed a lot and it doesn't mean that your story is over. It just means that you're editing that story and what comes next? What is that next chapter in your life? And so your career matters, and I feel very, very strongly about making sure that you map that out and you see what those needs are that you currently want in your life at this moment in time.
Speaker 1:The third thing I would recommend is find people who get this season of life and lean into that community. They understand the emotional whiplash of this life and they get the missed holidays, the solo parenting, the yes, I support them, but I'm also very exhausted energy. That's why I started this podcast. I'd never podcasted before, but I didn't want anyone to feel like they weren't heard, that they were seen, they weren't alone in this, and that's why it really helps to find those people and connect and hear that, hey, it's okay to feel this way and other people feel this way too. So find that, whatever season of life that you are in, find your community, find your people.
Speaker 1:Fourth thing is you want to set your own goals, and even if they're tiny ones. So maybe what would give you that spark is get back to reading. You love reading, even if it's one page, one chapter that day. Go for a walk around the block, even if it's by yourself, a networking email or a new recipe, an hour a week, that you're working on your resume, or you've got a new business plan for your new dream business, it doesn't matter. You just need to start somewhere. Even when things are busy, your identity still deserves this space and even if it's creating a new business, a new identity, take the time and set those goals, baby steps, you'll still make that progress.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the next one's a big one, and it's guilt, guilt of wanting to take care of yourself, put yourself first, which a lot of times feels selfish, that you feel like I've got to do all of this stuff before I can do what I need and on the flip side, also guilt of wanting more. That it's we need to talk about something that we feel bad about. So a lot of times just feeling guilty when I was home and again I cherish those moments. But after being home for 10 years I was ready, I was ready to go back to work not necessarily back to teaching my kids were old enough, independent at school that I was ready, but I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I wanted to have more than folding the laundry and being the cook and the errand runner and, like I said, there's nothing wrong with that because I'm so grateful to be home with it but I felt guilty that it was time for me to move on.
Speaker 1:And it's hard when you are exhausted, grateful, all the emotions and still trying to navigate this and figure out what that's gonna look like. And it's okay to be grateful and still want more. You can love your spouse deeply and long for something that's just for you. You can support their purpose without sacrificing yours and I want to just say that one more time. So you can support their purpose without sacrificing yours. You're not being ungrateful. You're not being selfish. You are human and you're allowed to want more than being the background character in somebody else's story.
Speaker 1:So when you're here to just survive, you end up, like I said, becoming that invisible person. And we aren't just here to survive during these training years, we are here to find ourselves in the middle of them. It's a lot, it's a lot to unpack and it's a little bit intense, and it's not just in supporting your spouse through the training, but holding it all together quietly, fiercely and often without some recognition. That's what this episode is about that under all the to-do lists, the scrubs in the laundry, the fourth meal cooked for the week and half your family doesn't even eat it, or your spouse isn't home, that you're still there. You're allowed to come back to yourself and want more, to take up space, to build a life that doesn't disappear just because theirs is demanding. To build a life that doesn't disappear just because theirs is demanding.
Speaker 1:So here's your challenge. We talked about this earlier. Do one thing that's for you and share this episode with another physician spouse who needs to hear it, that you never know who's quietly struggling with the same things, the same questions, the same thoughts, and I would love to just know what hit home for you today. Shoot me a DM, share a takeaway in your stories or tag me and just keep this conversation going. It's probably like I said, something you've thought about, something somebody else has thought about, you guys have talked about it, so I would love for you to leave a quick review. Has thought about and you guys have talked about it, so I would love for you to leave a quick review. It helps more physician spouses find us and find the show and find their way back to themselves. So just remember that you're not surviving this life, but you're also showing up for it. Until next time, keep supporting, keep dreaming and don't forget that you matter too.
Speaker 1:That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported and if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you, so let's keep this conversation going. Dm me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor, with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me and remember you are never in this alone. See you next time.