Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
Being married to medicine comes with challenges—long hours, relocations, and feeling like you’re navigating it all alone. That’s where this podcast comes in.
I’m sharing the things I wish someone had told me—how to survive medical training, juggle parenting, manage finances, and actually build a life you love. We’ll cover everything from making friends in a new city to understanding insurance, finding childcare, and staying connected as a couple.
Some episodes will be just me, sharing real stories and lessons learned. Other times, I’ll bring on expert guests—financial advisors, physician spouses, and those who’ve been through it all—to offer practical advice.
Most of all, this is a place for community. A space where you can feel understood, supported, and even laugh along the way. Because being married to medicine doesn’t mean doing it alone.
So grab a coffee (or wine!), and let’s talk about the real side of life Behind The White Coat.
Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
#24| The Multifaceted Life of a Doctor's Wife
Dawn Mast shares her extraordinary journey as a physician's wife of 33 years, mother of four medical professionals, author, speaker, retail worker, and stand-up comedian.
• Wife to a physician for 33 years after meeting in college
• Mother to four children who are all pursuing careers in medicine
• Author of "Soul Care for the Medical Marriage" which resonates with various high-demand professions
• Focuses on the time they have together rather than what they don't have
• Dispels myths about medical marriages including misconceptions about wealth and time
• Emphasizes the importance of finding authentic friendships beyond the medical community
• Discovered stand-up comedy by accident through a "clean comedy" class
• Led family medical missions to Jamaica where each family member had a specific role
• Survived breast cancer five years ago
• Advice to younger self: "People don't care as much as you think they do about your imperfections"
For more information about Dawn Mast and her work as an author, please visit her website for details and contact information.
So have you ever met someone who can do it all? They have so many talents and skills that there really isn't anything they can't do. That is my guest today, dawn Mast. She has been married to her physician husband for 33 years, mom of four, grana of one, book writer, speaker, retail sales worker and stand-up comedian. Dawn, no wonder you're so tired. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. And yes, thank you for acknowledging the exhaustion.
Speaker 1:It is real, yes, yes, and I am not even into a fraction of the stuff that you do and feel the tired exhaustion, so I can only imagine. Thank you for being here and just sharing your time, your experience, your knowledge with our listeners.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. Like I was telling you before, it's miraculous that we finally got together, because things kept happening and life happened, and so we had to keep canceling. So thank you so much for being patient.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just thrilled to have you here and you really do everything.
Speaker 1:When you sent stuff to me and I was preparing for the podcast. Just looking at all the things, I was just like man, there is nothing that you can't do, and just your experiences alone, I think, are going to be huge for our listeners. So I just am honored that you agreed to come on to the podcast. So thank you. Oh, no, thank you, yes, yeah. So before we dive straight into the questions, I would love to hear a little bit about your family, and I also love the term that you made up, grana. Am I saying that right? Yeah, yeah. So just tell us a little bit about your family, sure?
Speaker 2:So yes, my husband and I have been married for 33 years. A little bit of a backstory. We actually met in college and he grew up in South America and I still don't know Spanish, but anyway, just kind of not really a love at first sight thing, but pretty close. And then he went off to missions for about a year and so his major in college was social work and IT. And he wrote me a letter because that was in the days the internet wasn't even invented yet, so this was a long time ago. He couldn't text or FaceTime or anything. And he wrote me a letter and it took several months to get to me and I opened the letter and it says I still love you, I want to date you, I probably want to marry you, but I'm changing my major to medicine.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, that's a pivot, that could be interesting, so it's a big pivot. So, yeah, he went to med school and then we did residency and then, in kind of a very cool way, I had written for Physician Magazine. It doesn't exist anymore, but way, I had written for Physician Magazine it doesn't exist anymore, but it's focused on the family and someone in the Shenandoah Valley had seen an article I had written and called Mark when he was in residency and said, hey, I saw your wife wrote this article. Do you want to come back to the Shenandoah Valley? And I was like yes. So we went completely full circle, which was pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Amazing. I love that and I love the fact that he wrote you a letter and after you received that letter, were you like okay, this guy is it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I think at the time I didn't really know how do you know what med school looks like? And people say it's seven years, 11 years, 15 years, whatever. My brother-in-law was in for almost 20 years, wow, so it can be a long, long, long haul. Yeah, I think at the time I just was so giddy and young and was not as exhausted as I am now. Sure, this is going to be great, yeah, but it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and my husband and I talk many times. I think it is a blessing and a curse as far as knowing what med school is all about, and it was probably a good thing. We didn't know what we were getting into. And he says quite often, because he is at an academic facility, of, do I let them know what they're signing up for? And obviously everybody's journey is a little bit different, but it's one of those where do you ever really know what you're getting yourself into?
Speaker 2:No, no, you don't, and so it's kind of funny you bring that up because we have four children. They're all adults. The baby is turning 19 tomorrow, as a matter of fact. So our oldest son is actually in residency, wow, and he graduated from med school in May. His younger brother started med school at the same place last month. Our third son is biomedical science. He's a senior in college and guess what he's going to do?
Speaker 1:Amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then our daughter. I was like, okay, maybe, maybe one of these kids will be like a blue collar worker and I can get like some drywall put up in the kitchen painted and she wants to be a PA. So yeah, and I think it could have gone so poorly and they could have been like, oh well, dad's not home. All the negative things about medicine. And there are, but they latched onto it and they're using their gifts and they love it.
Speaker 1:And I do believe that it's a calling so good for them and all the good that they're going to do. And before we started recording, I was telling you so. My oldest son, who is 19, he is currently doing biomedical engineering, mechanical engineering, that he is studying, and I think just a sliver in the back of his mind about medicine, but I do think some of the negative things start to creep into his mind or what he thinks that's going to look like, and so that may deter him a little bit. But kudos to your kiddos and I think that also stems probably from you and your husband and parenting. So that's amazing and I know a proud mom moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's been good, it really has been. And I think, too, they can call us when they hit a snag or something happens and it always does in med school A grade doesn't come out like they anticipated or whatever and they can call and be like, hey, I need to talk to dad, yeah, and it gets it, yeah, and dad gets it Exactly, and that's big and that's a connecting moment for our family?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely Well, thank you for sharing that, and I'm going to just dive right into some of the questions that I have for you. That, I think, will be huge for the listeners. So the first one is how is being married to a doctor different from other occupations in your opinion?
Speaker 2:I want to give kind of a smart response and say I don't know, I've never been married to anybody in another occupation.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I've never been married to anybody in another occupation.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, I would agree with that, yeah, so I don't really have anything to compare it to. However, in looking at a lot of our friends and other families who share, well, I think two things. One, there's a misunderstanding about medicine in general, and I wrote about that a little bit in my book, but some of it is oh, we have all this, we have bags of money just sitting around, all the medical myths or being married to medicine right.
Speaker 2:Yes. So I think there's that. I think it's different as far as time. He may get up at four in the morning and not come home until just the time thing. It's not a nine to five job, it's just not. And I think people think, oh, he's practicing now. He's certainly home by five or five, 30. Sometimes it's eight, right, and it just depends.
Speaker 1:So I think that's kind of the part too, that that is a bit maybe misunderstood, I agree, and I was on a podcast and someone had asked me what does wealth mean to me? And for us, it's always been time. Our time for me is what is wealth for my husband and I? And what we tried to do not perfectly, but what we tried to do during this whole journey, in this life of medicine, was to focus on the time we had and not what we didn't have. So, even if he was getting home late, we had 30 minutes before the kids were going to bed, or 30 minutes before he had to leave to go on to his shift, and we thought we've got 30 minutes, let's make the best of this 30 minutes and focus on that. And so I do think you're right, though with the myths and the misconceptions, and that could be a whole, nother episode of all the misconceptions of being married to medicine.
Speaker 1:Sure, yeah. So I want to shift gears a little bit about your book.
Speaker 2:I've got it here, I read it. You do yes, yes, I read it.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy it's called Soul Care for the Medical Marriage and so many great nuggets in that, and so, before I get into the parts that I want to discuss, what feedback are you getting about your book? I would love to just hear whether they are in a medical marriage or not in a medical marriage. As far as the feedback you're getting from your book, yeah, what a great question.
Speaker 2:I have this great benefit of working at a Christian bookstore and so I said, Dad, can I have the book there? And so I get to actually put it into people's hands. And then they often come back in and say, hey, this is what I found to be true. I think the fascinating thing is I've had pastor's wives reach out and say this is so exactly. And one lady actually said to me she said, take out the word doctor and put pastor, and this book meant so much to me. Yeah, and she explained to me he gets called in the middle of the night and their family time is kind of encroached upon because of other people, and I thought, wow, that really made sense to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it could be applied to a lot of different marriages.
Speaker 1:You know somebody in the military, of course, who they may be gone while their family is somewhere else and they're stationed in a different city or country. And so I do think there's a lot of takeaways from this book, myself included, and so I wanted to hit on a couple of the things. One chapter in here especially, you were talking about being a listening mama or having your listening mama hat on when your college kiddo was having a hard time adjustments, some anxiety about going off to college and my oldest is a second year college kiddo and I really resonated with it because there was a couple of lines in there where you put rushing is easy, stopping is hard, ignoring is popular. Really, hearing someone is difficult, but so so necessary. And I loved that because I think in our day and age of rushing, rushing through stuff and not being present or intentional and just add to that, if you don't mind, because it really spoke to my mama hard- that's sweet and thank you, and that just proves the point that it's.
Speaker 2:you know, different people have different takeaways, which I think is I think it's just one of the coolest things. Yeah, I remember that day actually, and he was just really fretful. He's our oldest child and so as an oldest, I kind of can connect, knowing, okay, you need everything to be perfect, you need everything to be on time, you need everything to line up according to your schedule, and he was just really fretful and I feel like I. Often, as a mom, it's just hard to do it all. You can't, and it's hard to listen. But in that moment I had this prompting of just sit and listen to him and I did and I think, as somebody who wants to get you know, I've got my list, I have to check my stuff off Rush, rush, rush.
Speaker 2:Rush rush, rush, exactly. It's like, oh, I've got laundry to, and then you know there's all this stuff and I thought, sweetie, I'm just going to sit and listen, yeah, and in that moment I didn't really know that. I was kind of, you know, filling up his lug tank and speaking into him in that moment and pouring into him. But that's exactly what happened. And it wasn't until later as it is with kids that he came to me and said Mom, remember that day. And I barely remembered it but, it made an impact on him.
Speaker 1:Well, and not even necessarily solving problems, but just listening to the problems, and whether it's a friend, your spouse, your kiddos, I feel like it goes so much further than you even know at that moment.
Speaker 2:So I loved that story.
Speaker 1:So thank you for sharing A couple other things that I just wanted to point out that I think a lot of people, especially in a medical marriage there was a section in your book, page 93, where you talk about people being lonely, of course, but one thing in here I just loved, where you just want to have friends who will hear your heart and appreciate you for being you and then that way you can return and be a friend to them, and that's so huge. I think sometimes as an adult, making friends isn't always the easiest. A lot of times we can make friends through our kids or our spouse or through work, but in a medical marriage, if you move to a new place, you don't know anyone. Maybe you are staying home as opposed to going into the workforce, that it can be lonely, but finding those true friends, oh my gosh, it's like a lifeline.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I agree, I agree. And I tried really hard to kind of contrive this on my own and say I'm only going to be friends with other doctor's wives, and realized that that wasn't necessarily what I needed. It's what I thought I needed, but there were several and we've kind of moved around a little bit. But I felt like in that moment it kind of became like a gripe session or we're just going to sit around and complain about how awful this is, and I thought that's not really what I'm looking for. So, um, and yes, don't get me wrong, there's plenty of complaining to do and plenty of hard times. But I think when I found a really well-rounded group of people like one was the wife of a teacher and one was the, and there were some doctor's wives in there too, I felt like that made more sense and I didn't want something that's like oh well, we had all the money and I have all the answers. That's so, not true. It's just so, not true.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, but finding those friends that bring joy into your life and finding a lot of commonality that you may have. I joined a running group and it gave me so much joy and I met a lot of great friends that way. One, ironically, was married to a physician, but I wasn't seeking that, it just happened to be the case. But finding those friends that fill your cup and are true friends in those times that you definitely need them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's 100% true and it's important to have those friendships, regardless of how they factor in job-wise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. And before I get to the last part of the book here, so I love the fact that you are a stand-up comedian as well. Again, I said there's nothing you can't do, oh there is. So many things, so many talents.
Speaker 2:But tell us how that started and what it actually looks like for you today. Yeah, what a good question. It happened totally by accident. I think there have been plenty of times in my life when people have said you're just so funny. And I'm like, okay, what do you do with that? Like, okay, that's fine, it doesn't really do anything. And I was at the bagel shop one day and I looked up and there was a flyer that said clean comedy. And I thought, oh, that's kind of interesting. I didn't know that it existed and I pulled the little number off the flyer and called the lady and it just turned out that they were having a comedy class. And I thought, well, I'll just take the class. You know, that's it. And it kind of morphed into this whole thing of well, after the class you have to graduate, so you have to do eight minutes Right on stage at the local theater, and it's just kind of snowballed into something else. So it's been a lot of fun. It is absolutely terrifying.
Speaker 1:I can't even imagine. Yeah, I mean, that's amazing and so courageous to do that, but as you're explaining that, I'm like man. Eight minutes, that's a long time. It is a long time.
Speaker 2:It's a long time. I think the most I've done is probably maybe half an hour to 45 minutes, and at the time I'm just like this, and every time I do it I say this is the last time I'm doing this, I'm never doing this again, yes, and then somebody will call and say hey, can you do this? I'm like, okay, fine, but this is the last time.
Speaker 1:Yes, wow, and so you're still doing it. Now I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's actually a local kind of resort area and the people that had the comedy class actually have now a comedy club at that resort area. So she called me the other day. She goes, can you take?
Speaker 1:a day, as I say she keeps calling you.
Speaker 2:She does, and she changed my number, but anyway, her name is Dawn, so I can, yeah, but anyway, yeah, it's just, it's been a lot of fun, it really has been, and what a great learning experience for you and pushing you out of your comfort zone, but also showing your skills and talents at the same time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hope so, yes, yes. Well, the last part of the book. It's circling back around to your stand-up comedy, and one of the lines that you said you use is I'm a perfectionist procrastinator, people pleaser, Meaning I want you to like me. I'm trying to do things perfectly, so you do like me. I'll do it tomorrow. That's basically me in a nutshell.
Speaker 2:Probably one of my favorites.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's hysterical.
Speaker 2:I loved it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and that's true, yeah, well, and that's true, yeah, yeah. So you briefly touched base a little bit about your husband and his medical missions, oh yeah, so what actually launched your family into medical missions and how did it affect you? Is it something you're still doing? Because it is something actually my husband has been interested in but never actually acted upon it, so I would love to hear a little bit more about that.
Speaker 2:Well, when I first met my husband, he, of course he grew up as a missionary kid and so his whole focus was I'm going to be, I'm going to go into missions. And I had always said I am never going to marry a missionary, there is no way. And God was like, hmm, yeah, you are yeah. And so I was always very against missions. I just didn't. I like hot showers, I like no bugs in my house. I, like you know, I just I had my list.
Speaker 2:And long story short is, one day we were sitting in church and there was a little note in the bulletin that said hey, you know, there's a clinic in Jamaica and they're looking for a physician to take over for a couple of months. And I immediately was like we have to do this. My husband's like who are you? We really have to do this. So we basically applied and they, we went down to Jamaica for two weeks.
Speaker 2:Our kids were little, little little, and it was a transformative and pivotal experience for us. And so, basically, there's a clinic that happened down there with one of the nurses and she just kept calling and saying can you come back once a year, twice a year? But her requirement, which now I realize was so important was that we bring our entire family, Because, she said, the culture there is one that family is just hard, Having that actual nuclear family just doesn't happen. So she said I need people to see your family. And so the way the clinic was structured was we each had a job, even our littlest one, who was like six or seven at the time.
Speaker 1:And I'm sure they loved that.
Speaker 2:Oh, they loved it. They still talk about it and I'm like when can we go back to the clinic? They loved it. They still talk about it and I'm like when can we go back to the clinic? So we all had a job and my husband actually taught the boys to do diabetic checks.
Speaker 1:Take notes that sort of thing, do intake notes, and so the kids grew up doing that it made an impact on them?
Speaker 2:And are you still doing it now? We're not. No, so the last time we went was 2019. And then, of course, we all know, covid happened and it pretty much shut everything down, and actually the nurse that was there has now moved up to the States. She actually lives not far from us now, so we have not been back since 2019. Our third son actually wants to do medical missions. He's been to the Philippines and Kenya and all these places. So he's like I want to go back and I said you go back and start up the clinic and we'll come down, and Kenya and all these places. So he's like I want to go back and I said you go back and start up the clinic and we'll come down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that and I love that it was a family affair. I didn't realize that, so that's great. Yeah, yeah, it was good. So if any of the listeners want to reach out to you questions, get your book, connect with you on medical missions, on stand-up comedy, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2:What's the best way for them to get in touch with you? Sure, I would say email is good. Instagram, I'm on Instagram, I have. No, I don't have Instagram addresses, but I'm out there somewhere. Yeah, facebook is fine, but that dawned on me at gmailcom is my email. Okay, and that's probably the best way.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I'll put all of that in the show notes. I'll link your book and just all of the ways that they can get in touch with you and, however, we can support you. We love what you're doing for the medical community, so thank you, dawn, for doing that. All right, so I always wrap up my guests with the same two questions. So the first one what advice would you give your younger self?
Speaker 2:I think because of the perfectionist procrastinator, people pleasing. I would say people don't care. You think people are looking at you and watching you and all up in your business, nobody cares. They've got their own issues. So if your hair is sticking up, it doesn't matter. If your pants are on backwards, who cares? No one is looking at you.
Speaker 1:They have their own issues, we are our own worst critic, and in a nice way in all the years that I've known my husband, my own worst critic and in a nice way in all the years that I've known my husband his way of letting me know that no one cares, but in a nice way is, you're not that important of a person, and he doesn't mean that in an ugly way, but that people are not looking at me, first and foremost, like I think they are.
Speaker 1:They're carrying on with their life, they are doing their own thing, they've got their own worries that I am the least that they're concerned with. Yeah, no, it's true. Yeah, yeah, no. I think that's great advice. And the last one, it's just a fun one. So if you were a reality TV show in your life, as far as it being a reality TV show, what would its title be?
Speaker 2:I would say Medical Survivor.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:I love that. Isn't that what we're?
Speaker 1:doing yes, yes, and I feel like, no matter where you're at in that journey, you are still surviving.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I think about that. I had breast cancer five years ago, and so that was a whole survival thing too that I remember that moment Again. You are just amazing. I don't know. You're my new best friend, so thank you. I'm just so glad you're doing so great, dawn, no, thank you, but yeah, if you were in the walls of this house you'd be like, no, she's got some serious issues, don't we all? Mostly involving dog hair. Same Same yeah, but anyway.
Speaker 2:And same same yeah, but anyway yeah, a medical survivor would have to be just trying to get it done and and get along. So, yeah, and figuring it out, yeah right, even as grown-ups, there's a lot of figuring out to be done.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, as grown-ups, as parents, is the the whole thing figuring it out and and that it's it's not perfect, and right, it's okay that it's not perfect, and it's okay that it's not perfect. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But it's okay that it's not perfect is the key.
Speaker 1:Yes, well, dawn, this was so great. I loved having you. I loved reading your book and a goal of mine is we will meet in person. Yes, I would absolutely love that and figure out a way that we can do that, and I wish you all the best in all of your endeavors. And thanks again for being here. I appreciate you and your time.
Speaker 2:Oh, I appreciate you, amanda. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:It's been fun yeah so fun and for all of you listeners. Thank you for tuning in. I would love for you to give a review or send a DM. Let us know your thoughts, your questions or, if you've got somebody that you recommend for the podcast, send it our way and, as always, till next time. That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported, and if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you, so let's keep this conversation going. Dm me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor, with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me and remember you are never in this alone. See you next time.