Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses

#28| Why There’s No “Perfect Time” To Have Kids In Medical Training

• Amanda • Season 1 • Episode 28

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We talk with postpartum nurse and physician spouse Maddie Chand about growing a family through medical school and residency, why the “perfect time” to have kids is a myth, and how small routines and strong community keep parents steady. Real stories, simple strategies, and encouragement for anyone juggling diapers with call schedules.

• balancing family planning with medical training
• coping with pressure and outside opinions
• building support without nearby family
• church, classmates and shared holidays as lifelines
• preserving identity through part-time work and hobbies
• daily routines that stabilize mood and patience
• practical advice for couples considering kids
• courage and confidence from first baby to three

If you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse.

DM me on Instagram or email me at amanda@abtnhomes.com with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions.


SPEAKER_01:

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode. Today I'm sitting down with Maddie Chand, a fellow physician spouse who is right in the thick of it. Her husband is in his first year of residency, and she just welcomed her third baby. And on top of that, she is a postpartum nurse. So she brings a really unique perspective, both as a mom and someone who supports moms every day. So we're going to talk to her about family, timing, and what it's really like to grow your family during medical training. Before we dive in, Maddie, tell us a little bit about your family and three kids under three.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, thanks, Amanda. So my husband and I have been married since undergrad. So we've been through the whole thing together, which has been fun to see all the progress. We had our first baby in our first year of medical school, and then our second in our third year, and then just had our third and first year of residency.

SPEAKER_01:

Congratulations. Well, I'm sure you're extremely tired and extremely busy. And so thank you for taking the time to actually sit down, chat with us. I know that this is going to be a huge topic that we do get a lot of comments and questions on because I even get it, and it was long ago that we had our kids. And it's it's you know, figuring out the right time, right? When is the perfect time? And we had our very first kiddo in intern year and then second year of residency. So we were right in the thick of it as well. So thank you again for being here.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna dive right in. I'm gonna just start asking you some questions. So, how did you guys decide when to have kids during training? I think so many people want to know when is the perfect time, right? And is there really ever a perfect time? And it's obviously different per person. So, how did you guys decide? That is a really good question. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um it was honestly really hard because obviously it's a huge sacrifice. I had just started my nursing career and I worked so hard for that. And so I wanted to make sure that I was doing what I loved too. But we both felt like there would never be a perfect time for it. And something would always come up. There would never be, we would never be ready, if that makes sense. And so we felt like it was time to start our family. And I feel like it's different for everyone.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think you said that best when there's always something that comes up. I I feel the same for my diet. Always something comes up. You know, always, always gonna start on a Monday or after this trip. But all joking aside, I do think people will think, okay, well, once the schedule gets better, once we have more time, once family is close together and um we've got that support that there will always be something that may not align perfectly. And so did you ever feel pressure to wait until you were done with training? I'm sure you had some unsolicited advice of people telling you when they thought was the best time. For sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I feel like yeah, there was pressure to have kids, pressure to not have kids. Honestly, a lot of people think that we're crazy because we have three kids and my husband is super busy, and so he's not always here all the time, and I'm doing it by myself. But um superwoman. Oh, you're so sweet. But yeah, I feel like just knowing that this was the right decision for our family, that makes me feel good with all of it. And I can just brush those comments aside.

SPEAKER_01:

No, and I and I think you're right that it is different for everyone, and everybody's circumstances are different and things behind closed doors are different. And so it is nice to have some advice, especially when you ask. But like you said, sometimes you just gotta head down and you guys do what's best for you.

unknown:

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01:

As far as how this um looks, do you have family? You know, have you had family from the beginning, close proximity to help you? Or how did you guys kind of make this work?

SPEAKER_00:

When we first had our first baby, it was kind of complicated. I was finishing my job uh here in Las Vegas, and my husband had already moved to Reno for medical school. And then um, like two weeks postpartum, I flew there and moved there too. But um, I was staying with my family then, which was great and helpful. But in Reno, we were away from family, we didn't have any family there, and so that was really hard raising kids, babies, and doing all that um by myself. I feel like it was really nice to have like a community of people though, there that could I felt like I could rely on. And then now it feels like a huge difference because my first two babies, we had a medical school away from family, and then now we are back in Las Vegas where we're from, and our families are both here. And so it's such a big difference being um having our third baby around family and then our first two.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, what a difference. I am a big advocate for finding your people, finding that support, connecting within your community. I was super lonely when we moved here with our six-month-old baby and decided to stay home and not work. And, you know, my husband was gone all the time, and you know, you're missing birthdays and holidays. So when you were by yourself with your kiddos, no family around, how did you find that community? You know, give people a little bit of advice and on how you actually found those people, whether they were within the medical community or outside, how did you find those, those people, your tribe?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we had some really close friends in the medical school. So we kind of just met them through that, through um things school. So we hung out with them a lot and all from all different years, not just our class. And that was really nice. And then outside of school, we had a good church community, which was it was great. I feel like there were people who were older than us and kind of cared for us like they were our own parents and would invite us over for dinner and stuff. And that was really nice to know that someone was looking out for us too.

SPEAKER_01:

I agree, and they become your lifelines. So we had a great community within the medical community and then without those in the medical community. And but it was really nice, especially those that understood the lifestyle, understood the exhaustion, and maybe their spouse was working as well. But we started to spend holidays together. And so we weren't by ourselves for Thanksgiving, or I especially wasn't by myself for Thanksgiving because we typically had to work over the holidays. And so it was really nice and they become your family. And so now we try to pay it forward and have people over that don't have family or maybe are on call to come over for holidays. And and it is really nice. They kind of become your support system and like I said, your lifeline.

SPEAKER_00:

Definitely. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I think those they're so important. They really are. And so what has been like the most helpful routine system or piece of advice for getting through residency with kids or medical school with kids? Cause I know you guys are kind of at the beginning stages of that. But yeah, you know, what has been a game changer for you outside of obviously being close to family?

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like doing things for myself has been really important. I am a nurse and I I only work three shifts a month. I was traveling back and forth back here to Las Vegas so that my because my family was here because they could watch my kids. I was doing that during medical school, and I feel like even though it was so hard, and nursing isn't easy, they're not easy shifts, but it was really good for my mental health to have something for myself, something that I loved. And um, I never wanted to do that for the money aspect of it. I always I was like, this just has to be for me. It has to be something I love. And I feel like that just having something for myself, and I feel like it could be anything. Like it could be going to gym or um, which I'm not a huge, I don't like to work out. So I wish like I wish that could be my my outlet, but um, but like going to gym or doing like having a hobby or stuff like that, I feel like something away from the kids. I feel like that's really important.

SPEAKER_01:

I agree. I think having some sort of outlet, and then for me, it was an actual adult conversation. Yes, actual adult interaction. And I didn't realize how much I actually needed it and missed it.

SPEAKER_00:

Same. Yeah, and just it's so funny because yeah, going to work, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so nice to talk to real people and not have to, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And somebody doesn't need something from you as far as like your your little people. Um, I know, you know, at your job and as a nurse, a lot of people need something from you, but like I said, your little people don't need you at that moment. It is different. Um so let's talk about nursing. So as a postpartum nurse, I I find it so interesting, you know, caring for others, but then also taking time to care for your own mental health and finding that balance for everything. And so I know you just talked on that a little bit as far as taking some time for yourself, but prior to your actual family being there, were you able to do that? Did you feel like it was exceptionally hard? Or how did you make it work where you found that time for yourself?

SPEAKER_00:

So I feel like something that has helped me through each baby and each like adding more kids, I always every morning I'm I have to shower. And I like, I mean, I haven't kept up with this, but I like to do my makeup. It makes and get dressed and it feels makes me feel put together. Yeah. And I feel like even though I mean, sometimes we don't get downstairs immediately, and I I'll just bring like snacks upstairs. We don't have breakfast immediately. I let the kids have some screen time. And I feel like just taking care of myself in that way makes me feel put together. If I'm not in my PJs all day, I'm more motivated to do things. I have more patience and I feel, yeah, I just feel like better all all over.

SPEAKER_01:

I agree. It sets the tone for the day and kind of puts you in a different mood. You know, I was I stayed home with the kids for 10 years, and even now, um, there are some days that I maybe don't have to leave the house or I don't have to meet clients and the days that I stay in my yoga pants all day versus the days that I actually get ready, I do feel very different.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah, it makes a huge difference. And it's it's pretty crazy what the little thing does.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. No, I I love that. I think that's great advice. And so what would be one thing you would tell another family, considering kids during training?

SPEAKER_00:

So I would say don't let other people influence your decision to have kids. It is completely up to you and you and your spouse. And it's gonna be overwhelming, honestly, no matter what. Having having kids is it's a crazy experience. And yeah, there is no perfect time, and you just have to figure that out for yourself, what what you feel good about.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. And okay, so we are here at the end, and I always ask the exact same two questions for my guests. So the first one is what piece of advice would you give to your younger self? And it could be any advice. So it doesn't have to be about parenting or or anything like that. Just what advice would you give to your younger self?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, one, I would tell myself with the first baby, get out of the house and be brave. And you can do this because that I mean, honestly, the the first one I feel like was the scariest.

SPEAKER_01:

It is. I felt like I had climbed Mount Rushmore when I actually took my first shower and got out of the house by myself with the baby. It was like, I can do this.

SPEAKER_00:

I know it's so funny. And then now with three, I'm like, okay, I can well, I haven't taken all three out yet, but I'm like, I can I can take two kids out. Like this is this is easy. Yes. But it's crazy how over the years things change like that and it does get easier. And I think even just having if you were to just have one, it would be crazy to see the difference in your confidence over time, which is just so funny to look so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And then the last question is if your life was a reality TV show, what would the title be?

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so all I can think of right now is the secret lives of like med school wives or something like that.

SPEAKER_01:

I love it. I love it. And I think a lot of people would watch it. I think they would have a lot of questions. They could relate to a lot of things that I'm yeah. The the good, the bad, and the ugly, right? Uh-huh. Well, thank you so much for being here for your time. I know it is very precious when you have time away from the kiddos. And so I appreciate you spending this time with us. Oh, yeah. And just being open, open about having kids and parenting. And I know so many listeners will be feeling seen and encouraged by your words. And if somebody has additional questions or they would love to connect with you, pick your brain on things, what would be the best way for them to reach out to you or contact you?

SPEAKER_00:

So they can just follow my Instagram. It's Maddie the Med School Wife. Even though I'm a resident wife now. It just flows. Yeah. But they can reach out through that. I feel like I've made so many friends through that platform and it has been wonderful. Even us, like we've met before. So yes, it's great.

SPEAKER_01:

Same. I'm so thankful. There it's a love-hate relationship that I have with social media in all honesty. But it has brought me to so many people I wouldn't have met otherwise, especially physician spouses, physicians, physician partners, and what a great community we have. And I I feel like it's just a a different connection on a whole nother level.

SPEAKER_00:

It is. It's amazing. I I feel so grateful for it because it's fun to see people's everyday lives and connect with people and meet up with them. And yeah, it's great.

SPEAKER_01:

I totally agree. Thank you again for coming. And to those listening, remember whether it's just you and your spouse or your family is just starting out, or you are in the middle of chaos, we are here. We see you and we understand. There is a community here behind you, and we all get it. So until next time, we'll see you later. That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported. If you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you. So let's keep this conversation going. DM me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me, and remember, you are never in this alone. See you next time.