Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
Being married to medicine comes with challenges—long hours, relocations, and feeling like you’re navigating it all alone. That’s where this podcast comes in.
I’m sharing the things I wish someone had told me—how to survive medical training, juggle parenting, manage finances, and actually build a life you love. We’ll cover everything from making friends in a new city to understanding insurance, finding childcare, and staying connected as a couple.
Some episodes will be just me, sharing real stories and lessons learned. Other times, I’ll bring on expert guests—financial advisors, physician spouses, and those who’ve been through it all—to offer practical advice.
Most of all, this is a place for community. A space where you can feel understood, supported, and even laugh along the way. Because being married to medicine doesn’t mean doing it alone.
So grab a coffee (or wine!), and let’s talk about the real side of life Behind The White Coat.
Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses
#33| Ask Amanda: Real Questions About Friendship, Identity, and Medical Life
We launch Ask Amanda with three raw questions about friendships on impossible schedules, resentment in medical marriage, and finding identity beyond labels. We share practical ways to keep connections alive, name hard feelings without guilt, and rebuild a life that feels like yours.
• micro‑moments for friendship when plans keep canceling
• showing up with intention over frequency
• acknowledging resentment without shame
• building pockets of joy and self‑care
• communicating needs and logistics separately
• reclaiming identity beyond spouse and parent roles
• setting small goals that compound into momentum
• inviting community support for shared challenges
If you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse.
DM me on Instagram or email me at amanda@abtnhomes.com with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions.
Hello to everyone and welcome back. I am your host, Amanda Barron, physician spouse, realtor, mom, and the girl who never says no to a good cup of coffee and a chat with a friend. So today's episode is going to be a little bit different than ones we've done before. I thought it would maybe be fun to start something new and answer some questions that you guys have either texted me, DM'd me, and I just thought, honestly, this would be good to get started. So we are going to start a little series that will kind of sprinkle in within the other episodes, just called Ask Amanda. Think of it like we're just kind of sitting together, coffee in hand. I'm probably trying to get caught up on my laundry and talking about real stuff that happens behind the scenes or in real life while obviously being married to medicine. And so let's just jump right in. The first question that somebody sent to me was how do you handle friendships when your schedule never matches anyone else's? And this one definitely hits home because I remember those years where I would make plans only to cancel for like the fifth time because Chris was on call, or I had a sick kid, or my junker of a car broke down. And basically at that moment in my life, I was running on caffeine and just trying to survive. And sometimes friends got it and sometimes they didn't. And did I feel bad? Yeah. But was there anything I could do about it? No. So friendships in life can look different. And so for a long time, I thought that it meant I was doing something wrong. I wasn't being a good friend. But what I learned is it's not about how often you are showing up, but it's about how you are showing up in those friendships. And I have had friends I haven't seen for months, I haven't talked to for months. But let me tell you, when we sit down together, it is like no time has passed. And I've honestly built a lot of new friendships and kept old friendships through time, through small moments. So it could be easy coffee, a voice memo. It could be through book clubs. Half the time when I was going to book club and my kids were little and we were just in the trenches of Chris and his medical journey and training. So if you are listening right now and you feel disconnected or haven't seen friends in a long time, or you feel bad because you've had to cancel, know that people understand this. A lot of people are feeling this way. It doesn't mean you're being flaky. You're in a demanding season of life and those change constantly. So you can reach out in small ways, but give yourself grace and remember that even a small text, a five-minute chat can go a long way in keeping those connections alive. So hopefully that helps. The second question I had was Do you ever feel resentful about how much your partner's job impacts your life? And how do you deal with it? So this one was actually sent anonymously. And I need to give this person something, like send you a Starbucks card or something. So if you are listening, please know that the short answer to this is yes. Don't feel like you have to be anonymous. And I would love to send something to you. But I think every medical spouse has had that moment where you're just sitting on the couch alone. And there are times that I love to be alone where I can watch my Netflix show or I can read my Smuddy magazine or just be in the stillness, quiet. But also there is a time when you are having your umpteenth time by yourself, eating dinner by yourself, and basically in a relationship with yourself. And I remember very vividly, many of my friends who did not have the experience of being married to medicine would call Chris, my husband, my phantom husband. Did he really exist? Because they had never even met him, or he could never come to get togethers or functions, or it would be a last-minute cancellation because he was on call. And you need to know that it's okay to feel that way because I have definitely felt that way. I have talked to many friends in the medical marriage community that have felt that way. And it doesn't mean you don't love your partner or you love them any less. You're human and your feelings are very much validated and very much realistic. And so when I stopped trying to suppress those feelings and kind of just sadden them and acknowledge them, and sometimes it's frustrating, sometimes it's lonely, and sometimes you're just tired. And when you actually kind of deal with these things and talk about these things, communicate these things. So whether it's to your spouse, whether you give yourself grace to feel these things, you talk to other people in the medical community so that y'all can kind of share these feelings, you can do that without guilt. And I have learned to kind of protect these little small pockets of joy for myself, which helps. So keeping that self-care so that you aren't just always alone. You know, do the coffee dates. See if somebody wants to go on a walk with you. Hey, do you want to go for a drive? Do you want to go to the movies? Do you want to go shopping? And sometimes it's just changing the environment, changing the scenery, putting on some good music. You can love your person deeply, but still need space to fill your own cup up. And in different times of this season, I've had to fill my cup up differently, whether it was self-care or having that community around me or deciding to go back to work. It will change. And so resentment will happen, but with honest communication and maybe a little bit of grace for both of you, it doesn't always have to stay around. So hopefully that helped. Um, moving on to the third question that somebody sent in is how do you keep your sense of identity when so much of your life revolves around medicine or maybe around your spouse or partner's training and you kind of feel like you're putting things on hold. And I felt like this was a really powerful question. And honestly, it's why I started this podcast and why my job and business revolves around this medical community so much. Because somewhere along the way, I realized that I had started kind of losing myself and I would introduce myself, you know, especially amongst the medical community when I would meet like Chris's work buddies, like, hey, I'm Chris's wife, or when we would go to like school functions, I would be Cooper and Tucker's mom instead of, hey, I'm Amanda, or I'm Amanda the Realtor. And so don't get me wrong, I'm I'm so proud of Chris and my kids and proud of us and what our family has accomplished. But I also had to remember who I was outside of that title or that label that I gave myself. And I decided I needed to kind of reinvent myself, kind of find myself again. And even if it was starting small. So, for example, I got back into running again and it was bringing joy, just remembering that self-care and building a business that connected my heart to work. And I just genuinely love what I do and the people I get to meet and connecting them not only within their community, but with other medical partners in their communities, and that I don't have to wait for training to be over to start living again and doing the things that really fill my cup up. And so I encourage you to figure out what that is and have your own sense of identity. And so if you're listening to this and feeling like you've lost bits and pieces of yourself along the way, I get it. I see you. I know exactly what you are going through and just hear me out. It is not easy, but you have got to find yourself again. You need to take care of yourself and figure out what is next for you. What is a dream? What is a goal? What have you been putting off and kind of holding back on? And remember those things and that that person is there. And you've just kind of put yourself on the back burner and you've been holding everything together, basically, so that your partner can do what was their dream or their career. So you need to give permission for yourself. You need to give permission to dream again. And if it starts just with five minutes a day, if it starts with researching what that next step is gonna be, do it. You know, take the plunge. It's scary, but also so exciting. Those were great questions. Um, they were real questions. And honestly, this is why I love this community. You're not afraid to feel things connect and ask these hard questions. And so for those of you sitting at home or in your car listening and you have a question, but you've been too nervous to send it in, please know you can do that. And now's the time. So send me a DM on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor. Or if you are somebody that knows me personally, you are welcome to text. You've got my phone number, but you can even send a voice memo through comments and and so forth online. And I would love to be able to answer your question. And I know I don't have all the answers, but I will definitely do my best. And your question is gonna be something that somebody else has too. So please make sure that you send those in because I would love to be able to do these series throughout the way and see how we can connect and help one another. Cause I know one thing for sure is that none of us are in this alone. And a lot of what we're feeling and struggles and triumphs are the same. So until next time, take care of yourself. Find a little joy in your day, and remember and remind yourself that you are doing better than you think. So till next time. That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you. So let's keep this conversation going. DM me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me, and remember, you are never in this alone. See you next time.