Behind The White Coat - Real Talk For Physician Spouses

#38| Community First, Keys Second: Rethinking Home In Medical Life

• Amanda • Season 1 • Episode 38

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We talk with physician spouse and realtor Aditi Pemmaraju about building a steady support system while moving through training, choosing to rent or buy with clarity, and finding a home that also feels like community. Real stories, practical checklists, and a free rental guide round out a conversation designed to calm the chaos.

• Aditi’s path from law to real estate and founding Homes for Healers
• Why concierge-style help matters for medical families
• Houston’s neighborhoods, commutes and community resources
• Three filters for rent versus buy decisions
• Moving mishaps, insurance and week-one survival kits
• Rituals for grounding during chaotic seasons
• How to find community quickly in a new city
• Where to connect with Aditi and request her rental guide

For more information, you can visit Aditi’s website, Homes for Healers, and follow her on Instagram to stay up to date with helpful tips, local insights, and real estate guidance. Aditi also recommends The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living, and you can find the link to the book here. 

If you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with others.

DM me on Instagram or email me at amanda@abtnhomes.com with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions.

SPEAKER_01:

Hello everyone, and welcome to today's episode. I am excited for you to listen to my guest today, who is a very well-versed physician spouse, realtor, but also a dear friend. Aditi Pemaraju is a Houston-based physician spouse, a mom of two, a former attorney turned real estate pro, and the founder of Homes for Healers. And she has one of the most genuine hearts for physician families that I have ever seen. She understands the layers of the medical life because she's lived them and she brings so much empathy, insight, and steadiness to every family she serves. I adore her story, her mission, and her honesty, her heart behind it all. And you are going to feel so encouraged and seen today. Aditi, thank you for joining us today.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you for having me. I'm so grateful.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, yes, same. And I've really been excited to have this conversation. I think it is one that is needed. And I love that we just are able to get together, you know, not only as women, but physician spouses who are actually walking in this life. And of course, ever so grateful to the internet for introducing us. So Adidi, I consider a very dear friend, and we haven't actually had the opportunity to meet in person. But someday, someday we will.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, I cannot wait for that day, whether it is, you know, a hiking trip or a work vacation, which is an oxymoron. But yeah. Yeah, that is, I think, one of the benefits, one of the big benefits of social media and the internet is connecting people. And that's, you know, what our mission is too with what we do.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. No, I agree. It's definitely a love-hate relationship for me with social media. It has connected me with the most amazing people that I would not have had the opportunity, both personally and professionally. And so I'm just excited to have you here and just appreciate your time.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm excited to be here. And you have just been so generous with your knowledge and really a true mentor and friend to me. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you. And and right back at you. And so for the listeners, really quick, just give them a little bit of your background and about your family, where you guys are in this medical life. And that way they kind of have an idea of where you guys are at.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, absolutely. So I have been with my husband. Oh my gosh, I've lost track. Over 20 years. We met as freshmen in college in calculus.

SPEAKER_01:

He you were helping him in that class, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh yeah, actually, I actually did, I did better than him.

SPEAKER_01:

Don't we won't tell.

SPEAKER_00:

No, we won't tell. So, you know, I have seen his pre-med through medical school residency fellowship, and now we are done with training. He has been an attending at MD Anderson Cancer Center in the leukemia department. We have two daughters. One is a freshman in college, and one is still in high school. We have one crazy labberdoodle. Yep. Yep. So yeah, that's where we are.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, congrats to you guys and just where you're at in the journey. I feel like it resonates with so many people as far as being on this long journey and knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel, right? And no matter your story, no matter where you are in this journey, I feel like we all have a story to share. We all have mistakes that we have made that people can learn from. And so thank you for just being here and sharing that story with us. Of course. All right. So I'm going to just dive into our questions, Adidi. Okay, let's do it. Okay. So as both a physician spouse and a realtor, what do you see physician families struggle with most during relocation? And how does homes for healers try to soften that transition?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think especially after a match day and into the start of the new academic year, that's such a short time. And just trying to manage finishing up, whether it's residency or fellowship, finding a new place to live, packing up moving, if there are little ones involved, it's a lot. And so my goal is to be the boots on the ground and help, you know, my clients find their place to live, whether it's a rental, whether they're purchasing, doing those virtual tours, arranging for remote closings, just trying to make it very seamless and being a one-stop shop and a resource.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then also providing that community for the for the med spouse, if there is one in the picture. We have a book club, we have lots of different organizations, networking groups, both physician spouse related and non-physician spouse. The benefit of being in Houston, we have the largest medical center in the world. And so there's really wonderful programming here. So that's that's really my mission is to help people find their homes and their community.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I love that. And as you know, that is a huge mission for me as well. And in and not only with the move being so stressful, but I grew up in Houston. I know Houston very well. And Houston's huge, it is very daunting. So, you know, when someone says they're moving to Houston, well, that's a big, big umbrella. And so having somebody there that can really navigate, teach them, you know, all the different quadrants of Houston and be able to give them all of that information kind of on a silver platter from the beginning and then guide them through that process, I think is huge.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I mean, that that's my hope and my goal that I do that for people that reach out to me. Uh and yeah, you're so right. I mean, Houston, you can drive an hour any direction and still be in Houston.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. It's that big. Uh-huh. I remember that all too well. And um, so just having, like you said, somebody there that is an expert not only in real estate, but the physician side of things, knowing the ins and outs of Houston and being able to give them a local perspective, not only on Houston, but from the physician spouse side and connecting them right away. I know, speaking from my own experience, is very, very comforting and reassuring.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. It took me a while to find that community here. You know, we were sort of coming of age, if you will, in a period where there wasn't really social media or the internet. It was, oh my gosh, I don't even remember the name of that platform. Umyspace. Is that what it was? It was like MySpace. There were some. Stating myself. Yeah. It was something else that's now just completely not, you know, fallen out of vogue, if you will. And that was the only way. And it was just like a message board. Oh, big tent. Big tent. That's what it was. I don't even know what that is. Yeah, exactly. So it was just a very uh rudimentary way just to get basic information. So because of that, it took me quite a while. I didn't know about things like the Alliance or that there were other med spouses and partners out there going through that same thing that I was going through.

SPEAKER_01:

Feeling what you were feeling. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yeah. And so I know that you feel this way too, but we don't want anyone to ever feel like they're in it alone because they're not.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It's just knowing what's out there. And I didn't know that those things were available. And then we don't have a local one here. So kind of unofficially created one. It's nice to know you're not alone. It's nice to know that there are people there that have gone through it, maybe a few years ahead of you, and they're able to just give you some advice, some nuggets in a in a new area where your significant other isn't around.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Because I think so many times it ends up where the spouse or the partner is the one holding everything together. And so just to have, you know, some people in your corner is everything.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I agree. And having this as kind of your wheelhouse and your specialty as far as who you want to serve, did that organically come about because of your background and experience? Was it a certain client? What kind of was the idea behind helping these quote unquote clients?

SPEAKER_00:

That's such a great question. Yeah, it really did develop organically. So my transition from the law to real estate took some time. And then I, you know, I was actually my realtor who became my friend who wanted me to join her team. It took me some time to, you know, kind of get my life together. Sure. Sure. Between raising children and all of that.

SPEAKER_01:

Um kind of reinventing yourself, right? And it's nice to have those mentors.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, absolutely. I think there is so much reinvention in this process of going through medical training, even though you're not the one that's doing the actual work, but you're a witness. And so, you know, I think there's no choice but to reinvent yourself at those different phases. That's a great way to put it. So yeah, I just I kind of woke up one day and realized, okay, my daughters are older and I need something for myself. I knew I did not want to go back to being an attorney. I said, okay, well, let's let's try this real estate thing out. And then it just, yeah, it just kind of developed organically. Like, wait, I have done this, I have lived this, I have like, as you said, made a lot of mistakes. So if I can just share what I know, how however little that is, and help someone avoid that, then I've done my job.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I think just the experience itself and going through it speaks volumes. And then, you know, having that insight to connecting to the community and being able to kind of navigate that process for people is automatically comforting.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I hope so. I mean, it's what I and I know again, I think you and I both have had similar paths. Yeah. Yeah. It's what we wish we had had when we started this and and finished the journey. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I love the way that you have kind of figured it out and what you offer your clients. And I try to do the same, but like you said, it's a one-stop shop. It's why we all live target. You know, we can get in, get out, and get everything we need under one roof. And so creating that concierge service that you have for your clients, I feel like is huge. It is needed, and it is very much appreciated what you're offering. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yes. So and I know your clients love you too. So and your community.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, every transaction, I feel like, is a learning experience for sure. For sure. So for sure. So for physician families for um like residency, fellowship, or their first attending job, how should they be thinking through rent versus buy? I know you get this question. This is probably one of my top questions. And what's the filter that you think they should be using to, or or even the lens they should be looking through to make that decision? And how do you kind of walk them through that? Because I know that's a hard one.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a hard one. And absolutely. So it's the to it's the Shakespearean, the Hamlet, like to buy or not to buy. That's the question, right? Right. Yeah. So I always ask my people three questions. So, first of all, how long are you going to be in that location? Because, you know, as we all know, you're moving around a lot for training. Some programs are one year, two years, three years, some are longer. So think about that in terms of you know how much equity you're going to be building in your house, or if you want to hold on to it longer as a potential rental investment property, depending on the location, if it's close to the hospital. Great question. So that's always the first consideration. Then number two is are you going back to a place where you already have roots in a community? Maybe you're moving back home to where you have family, or maybe you're moving back to where you went to college and you know you want to stay there long term. So that's another consideration. And then finally, are you really ready for the maintenance that goes along with being a homeowner? Because the expense is not just your monthly payment and property taxes and insurance. It's also, do you have enough to set aside for those unexpected, the roof needs to be repaired? It's July and the AC dies. So just really, really think about that if you're ready for that in this season of life.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I think those are great questions for them to reflect on because a lot of times, myself included, you're thinking what's here and now, not what is a few years down the road, which obviously we don't have a crystal ball. You know, we can't answer all of those questions, but you do have a general idea how long you're going to be in that location, what are your ultimate goals, and then what's your financial situation?

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. And I think so much of the medical journey is delayed gratification, right? And so when you reach that certain milestone, what maybe it's you've finished your residency or you've, you know, and you're still going into fellowship, you're still training, but you're like, I just, I really just want that house. I I get that. You know, that I would say that's something I wish we had done differently is waited till we were completely done to take the plunge. Everything works out, but you know, it's a lot. Being a homeowner is a wonderful thing, but it is a lot of responsibility.

SPEAKER_01:

I agree. And you know, when we moved here for residency, which hard to say is almost 20 years ago, we really didn't know much about the area.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Our initial thought was to rent until we knew about the area. And we had a great dane. No one would rent to us. So we had to pivot quickly. Okay, can we afford to buy a house? And so that was a conversation, you know, that that we had to sit down and look at our finances. And then we could, which surprised us, our price point dictated where we lived, but we still made it work. And so I think having those upfront conversations and being able to pivot and problem solve with your clients. So I think those are really, really good questions to have up front. Yeah. So okay, I want to know what's the funniest or most unexpected moving moment along your journey with physician families.

SPEAKER_00:

So I can speak to two stories that are my own experience, if that's okay. Um, please. So the first one was when we were moving from Maryland down here to Texas from residency to fellowship. So one of our movers, so we we decided to hire a crew for this move because it was a really long move. He looked exactly like the rapper Tupac Shakur. Like exactly was, I mean, even though you know, RIP, Tupac, I mean, serious doppelganger. I mean, down to the earring, the whole nine. Hilarious. Yes, it was uh stopped us dead in our tracks. And he was like, Yeah, I get that a lot. I get this. Now, the second thing was actually an unexpected one, and it's something I just didn't think about because we were spoiled with our move to residency because our stuff was with us. It took two weeks for our moving crew to arrive. And I had a two-year-old at that point, and we had no pots and pans. I had to go run to Target, as you said, and buy a little$20 pan, which I actually still have to this day. Because it's a good pan, yes, Target coming through.

SPEAKER_01:

But I think sometimes you don't know until you go through the process, you know. It one of our funny moments, which at the moment was not funny, yeah, but we definitely could look back on and giggle. We had hired some movers and we have moved a few times within the last 20 years. But one of those moves, of course, wouldn't you know it was torrential downpour on moving day, you know, moving stuff in and out of the house. And it is what it is. Yeah. And then because of the weather and just other factors, the moving truck ended up in a ditch with like all of our stuff. So it took a long time to get that truck actually pulled out of the ditch. So they did not even arrive until that night. And a good portion of our stuff was broken or damaged. So I recommend moving insurance, which a lot of people don't take or have not even heard of. And we did not have it. Thankfully, at that moment in our lives, we did not have much that was, you know, super expensive in there, but it was still stuff we needed and still stuff that we used. And we laugh about it now. At that moment, it was not laughable, but I do recommend some sort of moving insurance coverage ever since then.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely, yes. And and to your point, you know, even though it wasn't maybe your things weren't super hopefully not super sentimental or valuable in terms of dollar amount, but replacing those things is expensive and it's not something you want to spend money on twice.

SPEAKER_01:

Or time, you know, who has the time to do any of that too, especially if you're in training or have little ones. And I mean, obviously things happen. It it's life, but I think some of those funny moments kind of you look back on and it's part of your journey, right? Yes, yes, yeah, for sure, for sure. How do you balance the unpredictability of physician life, motherhood, running a business? And do you have specific routines or rituals that help you stay grounded and not lose yourself? I am one of those that I love a checklist, I love tips on what other people are doing to kind of help with the issues that maybe I don't do very well. So I would love to pick your brain on that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's I love that question. To me, and I'm not perfect every day, is different, but I really try to have a little morning routine with just even five minutes meditation. I read my passage for the day from my daily stoic book, and then gratitude journal. My coffee is sacred to me. Yeah, same. And save my morning cup of coffee at home. And then, you know, I try to get some kind of movement in to start the day.

SPEAKER_01:

So I do love that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. I it's just it's what you said, it it anchors me for the rest of the day.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you are kind of setting your intentions for the day. And like you said, even the five minutes, I will say quiet mornings to myself are my everything. To it, does it happen every day? No, but I feel like it really sets me up for the day, not rushing, not automatically throwing in that anxiety. So I do try to have a few minutes to myself. I don't I don't know that book.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I I love it. So my therapist actually recommended it to me. And it's been helpful to me to just really let go of the things that I can't control.

SPEAKER_01:

Ugh, which is so hard.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. So the just the general practice and idea of stoicism goes back to the ancient Greek Stoics. And this book, The Daily Stoic, is by Ryan Holiday. He's actually here in Austin in Texas. He has an indie bookshop called the Painted Porch Bookshop, I think. But um so he has basically he takes these passages from the original stoic books, like from Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, but then he distills it into you know modern day English, but also just practical nuggets on how to apply those principles in our day-to-day life.

SPEAKER_01:

You'll have to send me the link. I will definitely put that in the show notes because I think it's something that I know I can benefit from because so many of us just go, go, go. And yes, you know, having that quiet moment, that time to just be still is difficult for a lot of us in the busyness that our society seems to constantly pour into what we think is normal. So I would love that.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, happy to share. And what I love about it is that they're just tiny paragraphs. You just read one a day. It takes two minutes, maybe. Yeah. So very digestible. And I know some of the listeners on here might be, you know, young parents in that season of life where they're probably thinking, okay, this is this sounds great. I, you know, I wish I had five minutes to meditate and enjoy a cup of coffee. We've lived through those days where that wasn't reality, but it's just more of a light at the like light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah. To know that it will come.

SPEAKER_01:

And how important those moments really are. Like looking back in those crazy times, being in survival mode. If I could go back and talk to myself, I would say just take five minutes. It will make such a difference in my energy, my emotional state, my mental state. So thank you for sharing that and reminding us that we all need to implement those five minutes. So if a brand new physician spouse is about to go through their first relocation, what is your one piece of advice that you would want them to carry into that moment?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. It's what I wish someone would have told me. It's find your community as quickly as you can. It doesn't necessarily have to be the med spouse circle if that's not your thing. It could be, you know, the other parents at school if if you have little ones. It could be a professional networking organization, it could be a faith-based place, maybe finding a reading club or a book club if you enjoy reading. Um, going on meetup.com for local events. There's so many amazing opportunities. Eventbrite is another great resource wherever you are. I would say just have the courage to put yourself out there. It's scary. I know. I mean, I'm an introvert. I just want to be at home in my hidey hole.

SPEAKER_01:

Sure. And it's easy to do. I think getting out of your comfort zone, saying yes. And the big thing I tell people is these people don't have to be your best friends. Yeah. But they are your lifeline and your connection in a new area and in a place where you just don't know anyone, you can start getting ideas from them, having recommendations from them, and then kind of finding your people, but it's a good place to start.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, exactly. Because you never know where it will lead.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. No, I I totally agree. And so, Aditi, if listeners want to connect with you, whether they are moving to Houston, away from Houston, or, you know, just to ask questions because you've been through this journey. Where can they find you? What's the best way for them to connect to you?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, thank you for asking. So I am on Instagram at aditi.pem dot real estate. And then I'm also on uh that they can email me at my email address, uh, aditi.pemaraju at compass.com. I know that's a mouthful.

SPEAKER_01:

And we'll put it all in our in our show notes for everybody too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I mean, if if someone wants to reach out, I am always happy to be a listening ear and a resource, no pressure, no sales tactic. I'm just I'm just here.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. And I I will just add to that that Aditi is one of the kindest, most generous people I have met with her time and her expertise. So please don't be a stranger reaching out. She will respond to you very quickly and just share any advice and just encouragement that you may need. So I definitely think you guys need to connect with her.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's very kind. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, yes. And so we are here at the end of our episode, and I always have my last two questions that I ask every one of my guests. The first is what advice would you offer to your younger self?

SPEAKER_00:

I love this question. I would say trust yourself. Trust yourself, trust your intuition. I actually wanted to go to medical school.

SPEAKER_01:

Did you? I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_00:

I did. I did. And I talked myself out of it. I convinced myself I was not smart enough and not good enough. And I regret that now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I do love that. Trust yourself. And sometimes that's hard, you know? It's very easy to ignore.

SPEAKER_00:

When you're 18, 19, 20, and you don't know what you want to do in the world.

SPEAKER_01:

And very impressionable by others, right? So yeah. I think that's great advice. And then my second question is always just for fun. If your life were a reality TV show, what would the title be?

SPEAKER_00:

This is such a great question. Um okay. So just kind of off the cuff. So my my best friend and I, we love the amazing race. Oh, same.

SPEAKER_01:

My husband and I always wanted to go on it.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my God. So she is trying to convince me to go on it. But I so I'm in this stuff. No God, no, no, I can't do the bugs. I can't know. Um so I'm gonna say the amazing relocation. Because I feel like the journey is like, yeah, you're you're going from place to place to place, and you're having to like think and problem solve and pivot on the fly, as you said earlier. Yes, it's an adventure for sure. It's an adventure, yes. Yeah, and you're yeah, and you're doing it with the person that you love. So there you go. The amazing relocation.

SPEAKER_01:

I think that is great. And and all the things you learn. And just like we had said, it doesn't matter if it's your first house or your tenth house, it's still an adventure and still something to learn about it. And um, so I think I think that's a great title.

unknown:

Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. And uh, like I said earlier, we'll put this information that Adidi is sharing in show notes, but you also have something additional that is gonna be in the show notes that you're sharing with the guests. What is it?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, I'm so excited. Just going back to what we talked about the rent versus the buy decision or dilemma. Um, I have a rental guide that I'm happy to share. It includes resources just to navigate how to make that decision, as well as a map of the uh closest neighborhoods to the medical center, an apartment guide as well, a list of the most popular complexes. That's huge.

SPEAKER_01:

So if you guys are moving to the Houston area or outside of Houston, please make sure to connect with Aditi. And if for some reason you have any issues connecting with her, reach out to me and I will gladly connect the two of you together. And thank you so much just for taking the time to join us on this podcast today, Adidi, and just sharing, you know, a little bit about yourself and your journey with everyone.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you so much for the opportunity. I had a blast. It was just, you know, having a chat with my friend.

SPEAKER_01:

Same. I could sit and talk with you forever. Um, so thank you again for your time. And thank you. For those of you listening, I hope this resonated with you. And just know that we are here for you. So if you are looking for somebody to connect with, no matter if you are moving to the Nashville area, moving to the Houston area, we have a lot of resources that we are happy to share with you wherever you may be located to help you um navigate this journey of being married to medicine and also what uh relocating looks like. So please let us know if you've got any questions. Feel free to send us any suggestions for future podcast guests. And just know that you're not in this alone. And until next time, that's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you. So let's keep this conversation going. DM me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me, and remember, you are never in this alone. See you next time.