#47| Ask Amanda: Simple Rituals That Keep Your Marriage Strong Through Busy Schedules

In this episode, I share simple, repeatable habits that keep a marriage connected through call schedules, evening shifts, and family chaos. From standing dates to shared journals, I focus on low-cost, high-impact rituals that build closeness, reduce stress, and keep romance alive.

• choosing a standing weekly date that survives schedule chaos
• rotating who plans to add surprise and lower mental load
• using micro check-ins like texts, voice notes, and five-minute coffee
• starting a two-person book club for built-in conversation
• creating a shared journal to trade gratitude, photos, and feelings
• finding no-spend gestures like picnic at home and favorite snacks
• prioritizing one kid-free getaway or staycation each year
• staying close on opposite shifts with asynchronous touchpoints
• naming effort during stress and laughing on purpose
• using short walks, music, workouts, and hot yoga to reset

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Connect with me on Instagram or email me at amanda@abtnhomes.com with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions.

Transcript

The Core Challenge: Staying Connected

Standing Date Rituals That Stick

Micro Check-Ins That Build Rhythm

Shared Book Club For Two

Low-Cost Gestures That Matter

Keeping Romance Alive Over Time

Opposite Schedules, Real Solutions

Handling Stress And Finding Joy

Final Takeaway And Listener CTA

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of Behind the White Coat. So happy to have you here with us. Today's episode is going to be another episode titled Ask Amanda. I have had questions come in, conversations with other physician spouses, and I thought I'm going to just put all of these in because they were very much a lot along the same topic as far as like relationships. And so I specifically want to discuss how to stay connected with your spouse when life is busy, it's unpredictable, and sometimes just plain exhausting. So I want to share some habits that have made a real difference in my own marriage, things that don't take a ton of time or money, but actually work. And these are small structures that we have built into our life that keep us connected, even in the chaos of careers, kids, and long work days. So I'm going to just dive right in. The first one is how do you stay connected when you barely have time together? And it's a great question because we both have careers. We're moving in different directions. Chris has call, definitely not a set nine to five schedule. And then I work evenings and some weekends just because of the way real estate and my clients' lifestyle and their work schedules work. So even when we have schedules that are crazy, we try to commit to one dedicated evening or time during the week that we have date night or date day or date brunch with no exceptions and no real big expectations. Just we have this time together. And some weeks, like I said, it's an actual night out. Other weeks, it could be an in-home date where you're cooking your favorite meal together, turning off your phones. Maybe it's game night. We have had picnic on the floor before. We live on land. We've definitely done picnic out in the pasture. So when I say you've got a designated date, it's just standing. And you guys pencil this into your schedule so you know that you're going to have that time together. And as the years have gone on and Chris's schedule's a little bit better, a little bit more predictable. We really do try to have once a week date night. And then to make things a little bit more fun, we each switch off who plans date night because it's really nice when you can just show up, right? And you have no idea what's going to happen, but I'm here. What do you have planned? And so it kind of leaves it a little bit fun, a little surprise. We just tell the other, you know, what to wear, when to be ready. And so we will plan it. We will make the reservations. And it's even more fun if you put a spin on it of you've got to go somewhere you've never been, or maybe you have to not spend any money that night. And so you have to get creative, but just having something to look forward to and knowing you have that alone time together is huge. And then you want to do some micro check-ins. So we also like to take advantage of just small pockets of time, a text in the middle of the day, quick voice note, funny memes that we send to each other, even a five-minute coffee, get together in the morning. What is your day look like? And these moments don't have to be long, but they create a rhythm of connection that carries us through the week. And so I definitely feel like those are really, really important. And one thing that we did recently that we both loved, and we said, let's do this again, is we decided to read the same book, whether it was the audio version or the actual book, and that we chose a time to be done with reading the book. And we kind of had our own little book club, which was really fun. And we actually did it for the housemaid, and we both loved it. We went and saw the movie. We both read the second book, and now we're getting ready to read the third book. So it was just something for us to do together. It didn't take up a lot of time. It was still a fun conversation. It was still connecting. It didn't cost a lot of money. So I definitely recommend doing that. Question number two that I had um come in was what are simple things that we can do for each other without spending money? And I know we've talked about that a little bit. I said we had like a picnic here in our pasture, talked about this book club that we just did. Maybe you could check out the book from the library. So it's not going to cost you anything. And then one thing that was one of our favorite things that really didn't cost a lot of money, but it was a nice surprise. It really meant a lot to us. And we still have it to look back on was a journal. And this journal we would write in and hide it, and the other person would find it. And sometimes it would just be a letter. Sometimes it would just be feelings of how you feel. It could be photos that you put in there for them to look at, things that you uh wanted to discuss. So it really was nice. And nothing had to be very long in there. They were just short. It could be a gratitude, it could be a funny memory, a compliment. We would just exchange these. And it really was amazing how much insight we could get into each other's weeks, what each other was feeling. And it really didn't take much time. I felt like it went really, really far in connecting. And you could get very personal in those notes. And, you know, you could do other small actions too, making their favorite snack, packing their lunch, doing a chore that maybe the other one dreads. I will say something that I absolutely love that my husband does for me. And it's probably one of my most favorite things, and it's so simple. But he brings me a cup of coffee in bed every morning. And I love it. And it is just such a small gesture, costs hardly anything at all, but it goes so far. So those little things, I think if you think of little things that mean something to your partner or maybe something they don't really want to do and you don't mind doing it, then I would suggest trying that. Question three was how do we keep romance alive after years together? I think a lot of it is creating just these rituals that I was talking about, our weekly date nights, our journals, keeping things fun. We still like to go do fun dates together. And, you know, we do those small little daily gestures and we check in on each other and we notice little wins that each other has. And then just kind of keeping things light and fun. And it doesn't have to be something grand, but creating experiences that feel personal and make your partner feel noticed, make them feel heard. I think listening and not always solving problems can go really far as well. As the years have gone on, we have also made it a huge priority that we take a vacation, just the two of us, every year. And even if we didn't have the finances to do much as far as vacation, it could be downtown, a staycation for a weekend, um, camping. Having that time together to connect, to have uninterrupted adult conversation, it really just brings so much more joy and spark and that connection time that I think a lot of us sometimes miss out on, or we put our children first. And so I definitely think something like that goes really far as well. So the next question was what if our schedules are completely opposite? And we have definitely been there where I was getting up for work, he was coming home from work. And so I think an asynchronous connection is huge. And so we'll leave voice notes or, like I said, the journal entries for each other on busy weeks. And it just allows your partner to feel present, even if you aren't physically together. Sometimes I wouldn't even see him, but I would leave a little something in his car for him when he would come out of work, leave a note on his car. Sometimes I would bring a lunch for him or his staff, and I wouldn't even be able to see him, but I would leave it in there for him. So it is extra effort when you have completely opposite schedules. But I think if you get creative and you really put the effort into it, you'll find that you'll still be able to make those connections. So, how do we stay connected during stressful seasons? And you guys, stress is inevitable. Life is stressful. Having families is stressful, finances always make things stressful. And then when you throw in exhaustion, crazy schedules, not being able to see each other, maybe you are taking care of the home or you are the primary parent. It's inevitable to be stressed, but connection doesn't have to disappear. So you need to notice and you need to name your effort. So a simple, I saw how hard you worked today goes further than trying to fix something. And that goes both ways. You know, when your physician, spouse, or partner comes home and they notice the house is done, the laundry is done, the kids are cared for, food is in the refrigerator, them acknowledging all the things that you have done definitely goes far, just as much as you thanking them for all their hard work and the things that they are doing. I think sometimes just throwing in some fun, some sarcasm. I know it sounds really silly, but laughing together releases so much tension, I feel like instantly. So a lot of times, again, Chris will just come home. We're getting ready to do dinner or make dinner, and even just putting on 10 minutes, five minutes of music and having a dance party, whatever you do to alleviate stress and having those check-ins emotionally, having a five-minute walk together will allow you guys to have some connection and again alleviate stress. Chris and I really love to work out together. So that helps us alleviate stress. And sometimes it's a crazy time of day, but we prioritize it so that we can have that time together and then also for our mental health. And we took up hot yoga together. It's not pretty, but we really enjoy it. And thankfully, they have so many classes at all hours of the day. So that has helped us to really be able to do that together as well. So I hope that helps a little bit as far as your relationship questions. And relationships aren't about grand gestures or perfect timing. They're about consistency, attention, and creating shared experiences that matter to you both. And so for us, that looks like I said, our weekly date nights, swapping journal notes, laughing together, and protecting small pockets of time that no matter what else is going on, we know that we've got this little bit of time together. And so if you take anything from this episode, let it be this: pick one small consistent action this week to connect with your partner. It doesn't have to be perfect and it doesn't have to take long, but it has to just happen. So whether it's the coffee, it's the phone call, whatever you decide to do together, but pick one small action and be consistent with it. Your relationship will thank you for it. Until next time. That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you. So let's keep this conversation going. DM me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me, and remember, you are never in this alone. See you next time.