#50| On Call Parenting, Real Talk From The Kids

We hand the mic to our sons for an honest look at what it feels like to grow up with a physician parent and an unpredictable on-call schedule. They share what was hard, what was surprisingly normal, and what they admire most about the work ethic behind the scrubs. 

• adjusting to missed holidays, dinners and occasional events due to call and long shifts 
• finding the “perks” in later flexibility like extended time off and meaningful travel 
• favorite memories including learning dad treated a friend and how that felt at school 
• the toughest part being last-minute plan changes and middle-of-the-night call-ins 
• lessons they take forward about discipline, attitude and not complaining 
• whether medicine influenced their career goals and why schooling length and debt matter 
• advice for medical couples thinking about kids during training and early career years 
• family traditions that keep connection strong even when dates shift 
• rapid fire favorites from cooking to late-night snacks and funny family truths 

If you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you. So, let's keep this conversation going. 

Connect with me on Instagram or email me at amanda@abtnhomes.com with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode. I am really excited to do this one. It's a little bit different than normal. It's going to be fun. And I'm actually flipping the mic over to my kids. They are our special guests for this episode. And I thought it would be great to hear from their perspective of what it was like growing up with a physician parent, you know, talking the good stuff, the bad stuff, maybe offering a little bit of perspective or advice. So, boys, thank you for being on today's episode.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

Of course. Of course.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

So, real quick, just for those that are joining us, um, the listeners, I want you guys to just give an introduction, who you are, tell everybody your age, and just a fun fact about you.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

I'm Cooper. I'm 20. My birthday was just a couple of days ago. Um 20? Yeah. And I mean, I go to University of Tennessee, Knoxville.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Yep, yep. You're a sophomore there. And um, you being 20 makes me feel super old. I can't believe it's a little weird to say birthday, no teenager anymore. Do you feel old saying you're 20? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

It's weird.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

I I bet. All right. Tuck, you're up.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Hello, I'm Tucker. I'm 17 and I like cars.

The Reality Of A Doctor Schedule

SPEAKER_00 1:26

You like cars. That's true. Tucker does like cars. He knows a lot of fun facts about cars, a lot of things that a lot of us don't know. He seems to be able to spit that knowledge out. So that's that's a good fun fact, Tucker. Tucker's in 11th grade here in Franklin. So, all right, boys, we're gonna we're gonna just dive in. So tell me what it was like growing up with a parent in the medical field, a parent that worked a lot. Just give me your perspective.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

I would say it was fun, but yet difficult.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

It was uh I'd say difficult because he would be working and not be home for like a whole day or most of the day. Then uh missing Christmas, Thanksgiving, or just like holidays like that was hard. But yeah, it was also fun when he would have like days off and we would go do something fun that day.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Yeah. So the schedule made it hard. I agree. Coop, what about you? What was it like?

SPEAKER_02 2:26

I don't think it was crazy hard because I mean we were growing up with it, so it's not like I knew anything different. So it's not like it was like he was never there or anything like that. But I mean, he wouldn't be there for like certain holidays or you know, sporting events or like smaller stuff like that where you'd be the one to go and he wouldn't. So but it wasn't really like anything.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Yeah, or even on a smaller scale, right? Like dinners a lot of times would just be like the three of us or yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

So it wasn't really that big of a deal. It was kind of surprising whenever like my friends would like later on be talking about it and how he was always there, like dad was always there to like coach our sports games or stuff like that, but it wasn't really like necessarily hard because I didn't really know any different. And I mean, he gets so many vacation hours and stuff, so he was able to, on the flip side, you know, take more time off in longer extended periods of time and take us to, you know, cool places that uh my friends didn't get to go to as well.

Memories And Unexpected Perks

SPEAKER_00 3:25

So yeah, I think that's good perspective. And I think you said it best when you really didn't know anything different, right? That was just how we lived, that was our life, our schedule shirt was different than other people's, but such is any other job, too. So tell me what's a memory that sticks out for you guys. It could be something good, it could be funny, something that sticks out, whether growing up as a family or specific to dad and his job. Could be good or bad.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

I think mine's finding out from my friend himself that dad did surgery on one of my friends in high school.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

Like I was over there after he got out of the hospital and they were talking about it, and they said something along the lines of like, yeah, Dr. Barron was great and quick and made it really, really harmless, made me feel really comfortable about it, or whatever. And I was like, Oh, Dr. Barron, look at that.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

And and he hadn't even put the two together. Like he didn't know that it was your dad either.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

No, my friend and his his mom was talking about it. I was like, Oh, that's my dad. And I thought that was pretty funny. But I mean, it felt pretty cool also to have all my friends, you know, asking about it. I'm like, oh wow, your dad did surgery on um, yeah, I don't have it.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

So yeah, that is a that is a pretty cool memory. Tuck, what about you?

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Something that sticks out is like being able to go to like fun places that like some people may not have the opportunity to go, like going to Hawaii, Vancouver, and just like fun places like that to see different parts of the world. Yeah, you're talking about getting to maybe do some vacations that other people or vacations that other people may not have the opportunity to do.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

I enjoy.

The Hard Parts Of Being On Call

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Yeah, no, I think that's a good, a good point too. And you know, honestly, we we really didn't do a lot of vacations when you guys were younger. I don't know if you're a member, but they may be like driving vacations or vacations to go visit your grandparents or something like that. But that was something that we kind of had to do a little bit later on as well. But I don't feel like you probably felt like you missed out on any vacations, then you don't remember. Yeah. Okay, so something uh and be honest here, something that maybe you don't like or didn't like about dad's schedule. I know that you talked a little bit about him missing certain things, but if you want to expand on that or if you feel like you've talked enough about that, but just something that comes to mind that maybe was like, ugh, I really didn't like that.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Dad getting called in on like a weekend in like the middle of something and having to change plans around his schedule, or him being getting called in like the middle of the night and not seeing him till the end of the next day was is something that I don't really like about his schedule.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

I agree. A lot of times when he's on call, we have to both drive or all drive to various places in case he gets called in. So yeah, I would say that's something I don't like too. What about you, Cib?

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Other than, you know, obviously him missing stuff, like Tucker said. It's kind of convenient hearing from my other friends when their like dad is on like a set work schedule as well, where they like they know when he's gonna like come home and stuff like that to plan to do something, you know. But I mean, it's not it's not terrible. It's not like he's gone all the time, especially now.

Work Ethic Lessons That Stick

SPEAKER_00 6:43

So yeah, it's gotten better for sure. For sure. So what is something you admire about growing up this way, or admire about dad or his work schedule, or just something maybe that he's taught you with his work ethic?

SPEAKER_02 6:59

He doesn't really ever complain about anything. So it's kind of just like he gets called in, it's just like a you just do it. You don't really ask questions. And I I used to get annoyed at that growing up a lot whenever dad would come in and be like, come outside. And I would ask, and I would be going outside. It's not like I'm saying no, and I would ask him why. But he'd just be like, just get out of here. No questions asked. And it was no, it was just a hold of light form or something, but yeah, it was just to say yes. Yeah. So it it's like uh he he never complains about it and just kind of does it. And I think that that's helped me to kind of grow to be that way a little bit more. Like it's helped me in school now. I'm doing engineering, so it's kind of tough, and you're kind of just gonna put your head down and just do a lot of stuff that you don't really want to. That was something that he's worth it. It is, and that I admire about him as well.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Something I admire is just him putting in hard work, just like going in and like doing the best of his ability and just like doing everything that he can, and just like Cooper said, not complaining and just getting up and going to do it, and just not saying like, can I do this later? Can I do this in five minutes? It's just getting up and doing it now and the moment.

Does Medicine Inspire Their Careers

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Yeah, I agree. I mean, there's definitely times I think your dad is tired, he's worked long hours, long days, and then he's still got to go in in the middle of the night, and he knows that it's it's part of the job, but also I feel like the perspective of helping these people, and if any of us needed the help, we would want them to be doing the same thing, right? Going in and and helping, even if they're missing out on family time. Or so I agree. I think dad's got great work work ethic. He's taught me a lot, and um, I admire that about him. Okay, so a big question here having a parent in medicine, would you say has made you want to go into the medical field? And why or why not?

SPEAKER_02 9:04

It used to for me growing up. I I kind of wanted to go in, I wanted to be a doctor until I got to college pretty much. Uh and then split between engineering and medicine. So I did biomedical engineering my freshman year, and I made the decision early on enough where the track didn't split off yet to do solely engineering, and that's why I'm mechanical now. But I I thought that it was a really cool job that gave them a lot of opportunities. And like I said, I never really knew anything different growing up, so it's not like I felt like I missed out on anything. And then the only reason that I didn't is just because I figured it'd be a long time in school and I wanted to get out of school a little earlier. So I think that yeah, make money earlier. So I I mean, so I would say having him as a parent definitely made me at least lean towards more medicine a lot more than if I wasn't around somebody in medicine at all.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Yeah, gave you a little interest, but then at the end of the day, too much schooling.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

A little bit, a little bit too much schooling, that's all.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

I get it. What about you, Tucker?

SPEAKER_01 10:06

I would say like yes and no. Uh I would say yes due to like going in and like helping people and like seeing them recover would be like yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Rewarding. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Then like the no would be all the school that like having to spend 20 years after college going to medical school, then just training before you like start on your own, and then all the debt that would come after with like student loans, then um just hundreds of thousands of dollars you would have to pay back over the course of like 30, 40, 50 years.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

After you start making money, it's just something that would kind of deters me from going into medicine.

Advice On Kids During Training

SPEAKER_00 10:51

I get it. I get it. I think those are both good answers, pros and cons both ways. So good answer. So I do have a lot of people that ask, they send in questions or they come on the podcast, just kind of trying to figure out do we have kids? When do we have kids? And so advice for people just starting this medical career or the medical journey, wondering about kids and how it will affect them. And did you guys even really feel affected? Do you even remember it? Or like Cooper said, it's kind of one of those things where it was all they knew. So I just wanted to kind of get your perspective for those people that are like, oh, you know, I'm not gonna be around. Maybe we shouldn't have kids now, or what that really looks like.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

I mean, I would say I wasn't really affected, like Cooper said. It's all like now I'm growing up. Uh I mean, we'd have to, we just had to adapt to it.

unknown 11:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

If we were out at like lunch or dinner and you got called in, we just say like, okay, and just deal with it. And then I uh don't like really overthink it. If it's like I'm not gonna be home that much.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

You're gonna be home a lot more later in your the career.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

So And that's like when you remember more of it, right? Because when you were younger, I'm sure there's a lot that you don't really remember.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

It's like, yeah, a lot that I don't remember when he did have to work a lot more when I was like two, three, four. I don't really remember it that much.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

I think that's good advice, Tucker. What about you, Coop?

SPEAKER_02 12:21

I mean, yeah, Tucker, Tucker said it's not like I've really noticed anything being like terribly different. It's not like I'm like, man, I wish this was different or that was different. Now, like, I mean, you're not gonna be able to do like some of the smaller things, like, you know, coach your kids' sports teams or stuff like that, which is yeah, which is you know, something that I probably want to do. That's yeah, I mean, a smaller other reason why I, you know, medicine's probably not for me. But I mean, you you get the trade-off with, you know, when they're older, you like you said, you know, you have a lot more vacation time and a lot more freedom to choose the places that you're going, the things that you do. So, I mean, you and dad, even not even just with us, but y'all two will take a crazy vacation now at least once a year.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

And then, you know, me and Tucker will tag along sometimes too. So we get to experience a lot of really cool things. So, I mean, I wouldn't have it any any other way, you know. It's not like I'm wishing he had any other job.

Traditions And Celebrating On Different Days

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Well, you're still creating memories, creating memories, just different types of memories, different times, different seasons of life. And so I think that's great advice, boys. Thank you. All right, so any favorite family traditions that come to mind. It can it can be one, it can be multiple, but something that comes to mind for you guys.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

My favorite family tradition is on Thanksgiving after every dinner, we watch Christmas vacation to get to like the spirit of Christmas and to like to transition from one holiday to another.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

I think that's a good one. We've done it every year, and your dad and I did it when we were little every year, and so it's been kind of fun to pass that on to you guys.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

I was gonna say the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Were we really?

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Yeah. Uh it's fun. It's a good movie.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

It is fun. It is a good movie, and it does, like Tucker say, sets the tone for things. Do you guys think you're gonna carry that tradition on with your family?

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Hopefully. Probably, yeah. I think so. Every time we watch it, we always say we notice something different every single time that we haven't noticed the past years. We've watched it.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

It is funny how we do notice something different in there.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

I always think it's more, I think, more fun and funny every time we watch it.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Yep, nope, I agree. I know we touched base on this earlier, but we have celebrated birthdays, holidays on different days just due to your dad's schedule. Some Christmases had to be on December 27th or your birthday a day or two before. And did you feel like you missed out on much or that it changed the way you celebrated or the way you felt about that particular holiday?

SPEAKER_02 15:00

No, I don't even really remember celebrating like Christmas was on a different day or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Even excluding like dad doing anything. It's like it's not like it's uncommon, I feel like, to have to celebrate something a couple days early or late. Right. Like, I mean, we had to we're doing my birthday, whatever. We went to dinner like a week early. So that way we could do it before I went back to school, and then y'all are coming up like two weeks after it just because extenuating circumstances, it's not even like it has anything to do with dad's schedule or anything.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah. So I mean, I don't really think it's that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

And it didn't affect you at all.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

No. No, it's not like it's a different experience, just a day.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yep. Just a day. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

Most of the time I feel like we still were able to celebrate on the day itself. I mean, we were down in Houston for Christmas this year, over at our house for Thanksgiving this year. You know, he was there for all of it.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

So Yep, I agree. Tech, did you want to add anything or did you agree with Coop?

SPEAKER_01 15:58

I agree with him. I mean, if we did skip a day, it wouldn't make me feel any different. We would still celebrate the holiday if it was one or two days before or one or two days after. Didn't really change anything about the holiday.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

We still celebrated. You still felt special on your on your special day.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

It was still fun if we did celebrate it on the day or not on the day.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

I agree. Yep. I mean, it doesn't, I I think it doesn't really make a difference. Most of the time we're on my birthday anyway, but because he does what he does, I was, you know, we're able to go. We've tried just about every steakhouse in Nashville for my birthday. Yeah. Which is not something that most people can, you know, say that they've done.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

And that's a fun tradition too.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Yeah, it's almost always on my birthday.

Rapid Fire Questions And Funny Wrap

SPEAKER_00 16:47

So I agree. All right. I've got some rapid fire questions that you guys don't know that I'm asking you. So don't give it a lot of thought. I just want you to answer quickly. Ready? So the first question, I'll have Cooper go first, and then Tucker, and then the second question, Tucker will go first, and then Cooper will just go back and forth. Ready? All right. Who's the better cook? Me or Dad?

SPEAKER_03 17:09

Dad.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

You both answered that one with no hesitation. I knew the answer to that already. Okay. All right. Um Tucker, favorite late night snack?

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Popcorn. Popcorn with like peanut butter or like a cheddar like seasoning on it.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Yep, that's a good one. What about you, Coop?

SPEAKER_02 17:29

Cheeses or apples and peanut butter.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

It's a good one. All right, Coop, who's the slowest in the family?

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Probably me.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

I was gonna say I'm I'm giving you the eye for those of you that can't see us. Uh it's a it's a it's pretty close between I would say Cooper and their dad. Yeah, it's probably what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 17:50

I would also say Cooper or uh my dad, one of the two.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

We're we're usually waiting for them, aren't we?

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Yeah, like if my dad like needs me to get something, he'll yell at me to run after it because he says it's important. Or if we're like need a leap for like a dinner reservation and we're waiting on him, he takes a sweet time and like we're like five, ten minutes late while we're trying to call him, text him to get him to hurry up. He's on his own time for that.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

True, true. And I swear if we rush a little late today. You were late today. That is true. We were waiting on Cooper. And I swear if we rush, Cooper or my husband, I think they go slower. Tucker and I have learned. All right, Coop, what's one word to describe our family?

SPEAKER_02 18:36

I don't know. Um, hungry. We like to eat out a lot.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

We too. We do like to eat out. Tucker, if you were gonna do one word to describe our family, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 18:44

I would say like funny.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Yeah, I think we're pretty funny. Don't take things too seriously. All right, Tuck, are you an early bird or a night owl?

SPEAKER_01 18:52

I'm an early bird.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Same coop.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Same.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Whatever you're not an early bird.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

I'm a night owl.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Yeah, you're you're the night owl for sure. Okay, so what would be a weird medical word that you know because of your dad? Maybe you've heard a conversation, maybe it's been something we've talked about at dinner, maybe he's gotten a work call, but what's a weird medical word that you would know?

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Pediatric interventional radiologist? That's what dad is.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Very true. I I would not know what that is um if it wasn't for your dad. So I agree. Tuck.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

I would have to say the same. Even now, I like know the job title he does. I have no idea what those types of doctors do.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Well, and even you know, I I will piggyback off of that, Tucker, because trying to describe what your dad does to people, it's not the easiest sometimes. So I'm not sure I describe it all that well either.

SPEAKER_01 19:50

So I just say that he's a doctor and that's it.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Yeah. Yep. All right. Something that I will ask, because I asked this to all the guests on the podcast. If your life was a reality TV show, Cooper, what would the title be?

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Um Fashionably Late.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

No, fashionably late. I think that uh is perfect. And really no explanation leaded needed unless you feel like you need to explain. Fashionably late. Yep. I I agree. Tucker, what about you? How would you title your reality TV show?

SPEAKER_01 20:28

I would say Animal Wrangler, because it always seems like we randomly have like a new animal at the house.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

True, true. For those of you that don't know, we live on some land. So I was definitely guilty as the boys were growing up of bringing home random animals, those that needed adopted needed a home. So some not as traditional as others. I brought goats and cows and pigs and various things home, didn't I, boys?

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah, okay. We fostered a uh dog and then that dog ended up being ours because my mom said that she felt bad for fostering it and so just adopted it.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

And we've had it for like I was a foster failure, Tucker. You're right.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

We've had the dog for like seven years now, seven, eight years now.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Yep. Yep. I I think I think your title's a good title. I would watch that show. Heck yeah. All right, boys. Thank you uh for being here, sharing your perspective, hearing your stories, advice. I think it's gonna help. It's gonna help others that are listening. And so I just want to thank both of you for being here and for your time.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

Yeah, of course. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Yes. And to everyone tuning in, whether you are a busy parent, a physician spouse, or just curious about the family life behind the scrubs. Remember, it's the little moments that matter and laughter goes a long way. Thanks for listening, and until next time, bye boys. That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us to connect. Keep in mind this podcast is for you. So let's keep this conversation going. DM me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realtor with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions. I would really love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me, and remember, you are never in this alone. See you next time.