#57| You Can Lower The Bar And Still Win

Working full time while still running the house can feel like a second shift that never ends, so we share small systems that make weeknights lighter without chasing perfect. We focus on simple mindset shifts and practical routines that reduce the mental load and help you ask for support before burnout hits. 

• pausing for a minute before walking in to decompress and set an intention for the evening 
• lowering the bar on weeknights while still covering the basics 
• using 10 to 15 minute micro time blocks with timers to make progress without getting stuck 
• creating simple drop zones for keys, bags, papers, and uniforms to prevent daily scrambling 
• choosing one anchor night to carry the week with groceries, calendars, and quick resets 
• shifting a few tasks to the morning to lighten the evening load 
• naming invisible expectations and asking clearly for help to avoid resentment

If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another physician spouse. 

DM me on Instagram or email me at amanda@abtnhomes.com with your thoughts, topic ideas, questions, or even guest suggestions.

Transcript

Welcome And Who This Is For

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey there, and welcome to Behind the White Coat. I'm Amanda Barron, your host, physician spouse, and your go-to friend for real talk about this medical life. If you're juggling long hours, solo parenting, or finances and feel overwhelmed, you are not alone. This podcast is your space for honest conversations, real advice, and the support I wish I had years ago. Some episodes will be just me sharing what I've learned. Other times I'll bring on guests to help navigate the challenges of being married to medicine. So grab your coffee or wine, get comfy, and let's dive

When Work Ends And Home Begins

SPEAKER_00 0:39

in. Hello everyone, and welcome back to Behind the White Coat. So happy to have you here. And for those of you that listened to our last episode, it was about being the primary parent or being the one that is working from home and still having to juggle everything and figure out how to make it work. This episode is similar to give you some tips and tricks on if you are working outside of the home, but you are still the primary home manager, you are still taking care of all the home stuff, and maybe also the primary parent. So the kind of episode I think a lot of us need to hear that we are still doing a great job and how to actually make everything work and not just feel completely depleted. So we have all already experienced a full day of work. You know, you walk in the door and your brain immediately switches to what's for dinner, what needs to be signed, what clothes need to still be washed, who needs to be run here or there, what didn't get done. And I feel like that list just keeps going and going. So if you feel like your day doesn't actually end when you leave work, then this episode is gonna be for you. And I want to just say that I suffered from the mentality of I need to get it all done no matter what. And over time, I have decided to carry that a little bit differently. Um, not saying that I don't have a long to-do list and not saying that I don't get anxious when I'm not getting stuff done, but I do feel like having some simple shifts that can kind of start your week off right sometimes make things a little bit lighter and not feel quite as heavy. I wanted to just kind of tell you what worked for me and maybe it will

Pause Before You Walk In

SPEAKER_00 2:47

work for you. So one thing that I did before I actually, when I got home, before I walked in the door, whether I was walking into my kids being there or we were getting home and my kids getting out of the car, I just paused for a minute. Whether it was sitting in my car for a couple minutes, it was sitting outside for a couple minutes, just giving myself a couple of minutes to take a breath to decompress and then kind of figure out, okay, what do I want this evening to look like? It doesn't mean it didn't, you know, go perfectly planned and we still had our crazy shit show nights for sure, but what did I want it to look like? And just kind of being intentional, I know it sounds really small, but you know, knowing, okay, I want it to go smooth, be productive, doesn't have to be perfect, but I've got a game plan when I'm walking in. And I know it sounds kind of dumb. I know it sounds really simple, but a lot of times it just helped me kind of okay, decompress from whatever happened during the day and also prepare for whatever I still needed to do once I walked in the house in the evenings, even though I was exhausted. So that was the first thing.

Lower The Bar On Purpose

SPEAKER_00 3:58

The second thing that also helped me in um, you know, it it's it's definitely like a mindset expectations, but I did kind of lower the bar, especially on weeknights on purpose. Um, you know, because I I was, and even on weekends, depending on what my week schedule, you know, my weekend schedule looked like, but so many of us are trying to run, you know, on a weekend level, even during the week when things are crazy or weekends when things are crazy with sports and so forth, that it's it's okay, you know, like for me to just kind of cover the basics and getting people fed, getting people bathed, like that's okay. That's enough. And it may look like just keeping, you know, some dinners on hand, some frozen dinners, rotating, easy dinners, no new recipes. Maybe you have some paper plates, maybe that you're skipping something that night just because it's one of those days where everybody just kind of needs to regroup, have a night off. And so you're you're aligning with what feels right for that moment. You're not necessarily, you know, lowering all of your standards. It's just you are kind of setting the bar a little bit lower just because you're surviving. And this is what, you know, tonight is gonna look like and and giving yourself and your family some grace. The third thing that I would do is I would kind of implement like micro blocks of time instead of big chunks of

Timers Drop Zones And Tiny Wins

SPEAKER_00 5:37

time. So instead of being like, oh my gosh, I've gotta clean the house tonight, or I have to catch up on everything tonight, I still like I know I mentioned in previous episodes, I like timers and I like short bits of time. And I feel like I'm so much better and um accomplishing things, and I can focus for shorter periods of time that way. So, you know, maybe it's 10 or 15 minute blocks of resetting the kitchen, throwing in laundry and swapping it, prepping for tomorrow. Just set a timer when it goes off. You feel like you've at least had some progress without feeling like trapped in this big something that you've started for that night. And then as simple as it sounds, give everything a drop zone. And it doesn't have to be like super organized. But I think half of our craziness or chaos, whether it's in the evenings or the mornings, is about looking for stuff, for keys, for uniforms, for a purse, for papers that I think creating simple, simple drop zones, and they're very specific, whether they're labeled, they're color coordinated. But maybe you have a basket for papers and you look at them every Sunday. Maybe you have a designated drawer for wallets or keys, you have hooks for bags, for purses. It doesn't have to be super pretty, it doesn't have to be, you know, container store organized, but it's consistent and it has saved so much sanity and late scrambling mornings and evenings of where is this? Where

One Anchor Night Plus Morning Prep

SPEAKER_00 7:16

is that? I like to pick one night that kind of carries the week instead of trying to stay on top of everything every single day. So, you know, one night is when you place your grocery order or you check your calendar, maybe you do a quick reset of the house, maybe you have one evening you do laundry, or if your kiddos do laundry, they each have a night that they do it. And so spreading stuff out sometimes like that may not feel quite so hard or so heavy. And sometimes maybe you're not as tired in the morning. And so maybe you do a little bit more in the morning than you would typically in the evening. And it doesn't mean you have to change everything, but just maybe shift one or two things in the morning. So maybe you set out your dinner ingredients before you leave for work, or maybe you um prep something, you know, like after school snacks in the morning, or you get uniforms and everything ready in the morning, or you start a load of laundry in the morning. So I feel like, you know, it's not a whole overhaul, it's just lightening some of the load in the

Ask For Help Before Resentment

SPEAKER_00 8:20

evenings. A lot of overwhelm comes from caring expectations that nobody else sees. So I think a lot of times we hold on to part of our frustration, and I think that also leads to that sense of overwhelm and exhaustion when all we have to do is just ask for help. And it's hard, I think, a lot of times to ask for help when we are so used to being the one that does uh a big load of the heavy lifting in a uh medical marriage or medical partnership. And so I think sometimes you know m myself included on this, that I would I would find I would have frustration or more resentment when I was like, why do I have to tell him? Why doesn't he know what I need? Why can't he see what I need? And it would have made things so much easier to just say, hey, I need help with with dinner tonight, or can you take dinner two nights? Or can you help with baths tonight? Or, you know, I mean, it would have just made being so much more clear about things and just straightforward rather than this silent resentment would have made a huge difference. And so over time I have learned and now it's super easy. I just ask and it just saves so much more heartache, frustration, exhaustion. And so I know these weren't huge, like earth-shattering things, but I just wanted to share what has helped me, um, especially when I went back to work. I went back to work 10 years ago in real estate and was still having to do all the heavy lifting of house stuff, kids stuff, plus working full-time. And so maybe these uh helped a little bit. Just remind yourself that even small systems, small shifts can change how things feel and make a really big change over time. So don't try to do all of it and think it needs to be perfect. Definitely give yourself grace on what you are doing. And um, you know, if something's not working, pivot, change, just see what happens to work for your family. It's not gonna be exact as mine, and that's okay. So hopefully this helped. And if you are, you know, somebody that has some tips or tricks or in this season of life, and you've got some things that you want to share with us, we all would love to hear. And just know that we are all in this season together, and you can count on any of us to ask questions, send comments and tips, and we would love to share

Community Invite And Closing

SPEAKER_00 10:58

with each other. So, as always, until next time. That's a wrap on this episode of Behind the White Coat. I hope today's conversation left you feeling more understood and supported. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another physician spouse. Your support helps more of us connect. This podcast is for you, so let's keep the conversation going. DM me on Instagram at Amanda Barron Realter with your thoughts, topic ideas, or guest suggestions. I would love to hear from you. Thanks for spending part of your day with me, and remember, you are never in this alone. Until next time.