Episode 1: Lessons Learned Series

In this kickoff episode of The Dad Shift Podcast, Lawrence opens up about one of the hardest lessons of fatherhood—learning to manage emotional reactions in the heat of the moment. From personal triggers, it’s all about recognizing those emotions, taking a breath, and showing up with intention. Lawrence also talks about the importance of community—why every new dad needs a support system and how The Dad Shift is here to be part of that.

Transcript

00:00:00 The Dad Shift Comittee: What's going on, everybody? What's going on? Welcome to the first episode, episode one of the dad shift podcast hosted by me, Lawrence Brown. This is something that I've been wanting to do for a little minute now. I feel like You know, I just wanted to create something that's, you know, impactful, something that's like helpful for, for the better good. so yeah. After, you know, some years of thinking and finally saying, you know, F it. I'm about to get to it, man. Why not? Why not? Why not do it? You never know. So, you know, I decided to start the podcast, but I, I just didn't want to start any type of podcast. I wanted to do something that's more, you know, impactful, like I said, or something that's more educated or, you To get some insight to a community that I feel, you know, very dearly about. And that's, that's the community of, you know, being, being a dad pretty much. And being a new dad at that, the modern new dad at that, I would say, a lot, a lot has changed over the years. I can only imagine, From, you know, personal experiences to, uh, you know, whatever, you know, society shifts of, you know, society and how they, you know, view dads and how dads have. You know, shift their roles over the years and, you know, such. So, you know, being a dad, going through the ups and downs and going through my own personal battles and, um, you know, Into my own head. And, you know, most of the times I'm like, man, I just want to talk to somebody about this or to speak out loud about it. Or to be a part of a community, you know, who share the same experiences as you, in today's society, you know? So, um, You know, I felt like, you know, why not? Why not start something? Why not, you know, be the leader of that new shift? You know what I'm saying? So why not that be me? Or, you know, um. Be, why not be a part of it? Be one of the members, one of the dads that start to shift, you know? Here we are. Here we are. like I said, this is the first episode, you know, it might be a little rough, you know, the first few episodes as I, you know, get a handle of things. Um, but you know, without practice, there's, you know, without practice. You know, there's no improvement, you know, so without challenge, there's no evolution. So why not? Why not get started? See, see what we can do. So briefly, I'm just going to go over what exactly this podcast will be about. things will shift in the future, but the direction right now, um, I think it's pretty solid. Um, like I said, um, Some of the things we're going to be touching on in this podcast, like I said, is, is, um, the highs and lows of, you know, fatherhood, um, marriage, relationships, after kids, you know. Raising a toddler and just figuring out strategies, researching strategies on how to really, um, Approach that because there's so many different things you can do so many different parenting styles that's out there. And I don't think there's a perfect parenting style at that, but we'll get further into that. We'll be talking about, you know, the work-life balance and, you know, the mental health that goes along with that. you know, later down in the season, in the series, you'll talk about, you know, some dad hacks, some survival tactics that, you know, we used to survive as dads, whether that's with the kids or with the wife, with the girlfriend, or just You know, never gate, never getting through the, the role of being a dad. And, um, with that, I will be featuring some of my fellow friends that are dads as well. New dads as well. Um, or been dads for, A few years. Plan on having some experts like, maybe like some counselors that can give us tips on, you know, what's best for our kids these days and what, what's some things that we can avoid or some things we can add into the, you know, routine and such. By the way, my sister, she's a social worker, so she's very in tune with what's going on. So I'm definitely going to have her on here. shout out to my sister, LaRisha Scott. I know you, I know you're going to be one of my first listeners for real. appreciate that support, for sure. And um. Also, shout out to the Aaron Scott. Can't forget, can't forget the brother-in-law. Can't forget him. I know y'all too are going to be the first, you know, to listen to this just because y'all, y'all very supportive, and feel where I'm coming from. yeah, so. Those are just some things we're going to talk about, uh, throughout the, throughout the podcast. I don't want to keep it too like educational. Like, you know, I want to keep it as natural as possible. when I have guests on, it might be a little more, you know, it might be a little different, might be better actually once the guest starts appearing. Start having different perspectives on, you know, their experiences and just feeding off one, one another. so. A lot of things to look forward to in this podcast. what else we got here? So, For this series, I'm gonna do series, I think. I think I'm gonna start off doing series and might have about four to five episodes per series. Um, this series, I'ma, I'ma label it lessons learned. I'ma label it, label it that for real. Lessons learned. Uh, just let that sink in if you can kind of feel where I'm coming from. even, even before your first kid is born, there's, there's things that you go through that, you know. You wish you had a little more advice, but sometimes even if you had that advice, when it comes down to the real moment, it hit a little different, you know, cause When you get to the, when you get to the Vite, you thinking with a clear head, listening, ears, and such, so you just soaking in the knowledge, but When something happens and you not in that mode, you in real time mode, you know, ain't no telling what you already was saying. Thinking about or feeling like that day or that moment. And when something happens, let's intensify it. Kind of all that advice kind of just. Goes out the window and you try to remember of like, you try to remember what you can do to, you know, mitigate that situation. Um, You know, there's, there's some, there's some moments that I'm not the most proud of, I would say. I had a couple moments where, you know, um, I, I done a minor crash out, you know, just from the pressure and adapting to the new way and adapting to. You know, the new situation, um, it was, it was changed, you know, change is not, you know, as easy as a transition that you might think it is sometimes like. You know it's coming, right? And you know change is in process, but change hurts and change, um, Have you in a, in a state of unstableness mentally, um, But still gotta, you know, be about your business outside of the change within, you know, your new household that's being developed. You know what I'm saying? It is very hard to like, you know, mesh the two and trying to find a perfect way to do that is pretty uh, You know, not the most, not the most, um, you know, easiest way to, to approach, you know, so I would say, you know, One of the things we need to do as dads and as men, for real, I'm not telling you how to be a man, you know, but I'm just speaking from a Personal experience and, you know, so I, I feel like I can get some type of, you know, advice of when you are in that moment. And you have a decision to make on how you react to certain things. so that's, that's what I'm kind of speaking on is lesson learned is how you react, you know? Um, your feelings are valid. You are, you might, the way you feel is Is, you know, something that can't be changed or taken away. Like how you feel is how you feel. And you're a human. You're allowed to feel those feelings. If you're frustrated, if you're angry, sad, happy, whatever. You are, you know, well within your lane of feeling those feelings and it's okay to go through that. But what we must like kinda kinda take focus on or really think about is how you react to The moment in feeling something and reacting to something is, you know, two different things and often is used as an excuse to, you know, go about certain things and um. That's like one of my biggest things, this as a person too. Sometimes when the, when a situation is, you know, too much. You know, sometimes I can, I can get a little, a little overboard on how I react to it. You know, I react to certain things of me versus the world type shit and Reality, it doesn't need to get there. How it got there, I don't know. You know, maybe it's just being a black man and you, you know, maybe it's just embedded feelings and perspectives as like You know, you're a black man. You got to go through this and that. So you got to approach every day like this and that. And sometimes you fall into that. That, you know, description and you handle every situation like that, you know, as of you versus the world type. So, um, It's, you know, if you want to go about that in other situations and, you know, and sometimes it's needed, but when it comes down to your significant other and, you know, Her carrying your kid, you know, you, you gotta, you gotta calm down. You gotta think about what you're doing. You gotta think about what you're saying. You gotta, like, You gotta like reel it in a little bit, you know, really think before you act tight, you know? And this, this from experience, I know there's, like I said, I have, I had a couple of situations where I could have really handled it a lot differently, you know, um, as far as how I react and, um, you know, and It's very important that you keep your reactions in check as a man, especially just because you're, you're looked upon differently, you know? Um, so if you act, You know, out of pocket, you know, you're, you're going to get looked at differently. You know, like even more, like when I say differently, the second time, like you're going to get looked at as like, all right, this man is crazy. Um, I got a Tiptoe around his, you know, emotions because he might, he might go off or he, he, he might, you know, do something irrational, you know, like not saying that you are going to do that, but now that's your reputation, you know. Um, and you, you don't want that. You don't want that. You want that reputation of like, Hey, that's my man. I know he's going to protect me. I know he's going to treat me to a certain standard. And I know he, his, his, um, You know, his, his mental towards us is in a positive light and he, he wants the best for us and our kids, you know, so I feel comfortable around him type, you know, You, you, you, you, you want to maintain that perspective, especially towards the person you are creating your legacy with. You know, all of that is, you know, very important because you don't want your kid coming into the world with negative aura around you and your partner, you know, um. All of that is gonna do is um, rub onto your kid. Now your kid is born into it and Now that's just y'all, you know, um, it's something that happens a lot. There's a, there are a lot of, you know, situations where the kids are born into, you know, You know, unfortunate situations and unfortunate energy. Um, and most of the time is due to how we react to situations and how we, you know, respond to each other, you know, so. Um, yeah, so one of, one of the lessons learned I would say is, um, watch how you react, think about how you react. Especially towards your partner. Um, especially, um, you, you want to do it for the betterment of yourself as well. Um, if you sit and reflect, you know, after you done crashed out. You probably feel like shit, you know. Now, That's going to attach to you now. Now you just added more baggage to yourself because you couldn't keep your emotions in check. You know what I'm saying? Um, and it's not something you get fixed overnight. It's something that you gotta constantly work with, but don't put your partner, you know, in the practice field as you trying to figure it out because you gonna make things worse. Trust and believe that. Um. So yeah, if y'all have any comments about that, feel free to, you know, um, beat up the comment section and, you know, type of your, your perspective on that. Um, It's very important. We're gonna, we're gonna hit on that a lot because most of the things we do is off of, you know, emotional reactions and, um, as dads and as men, um, We really gotta, we really gotta watch out, you know, on what we do for sure. Um, so we're gonna, we're gonna kick off to the, uh, the last topic of the day, I would say. Um, We're gonna talk about, you know, preparing yourself for, you know, fatherhood, I would say. Um, Things you might, you know, want to consider before you think about having a family or you're in the midst of, you know, the production stage of having a family. Um. Things I would recommend men to do. New dads to do is first get you a gym membership. I don't care if it's Planet Fitness, the YMCA. Go get you a gym membership. I'm gonna tell you why after I label off a couple more things I feel like you need to do. Um, new dads, depending on where you at in life, um, if you are someone where you are, Uh, where you want to be. Um, you know, cool. But I know there's a lot of dads who Might be, you know, when it comes to their job or where they see themselves as the moment. Um, if you haven't finished school or, um, If you're working a job that you really don't like and you're working crazy hours like factory jobs and things like that, I want you to start thinking about, you know, shifting, shifting your career and upping your knowledge. For sure. Especially as men and dads, we need to, you know, focus more or put in more focus on our, you know, intelligence and our well-being. Um, I understand like some jobs, you know, might be paying you the bread, you know, especially no factory jobs. Um, but I'm telling you, it's not going to mix well. Um, When you're trying to raise your family and you want to be there present, you know, not just making money to, you know, say that you paying for the mortgage or the rent, you know, working twelve hours a day and all that, like, I want you to start thinking about, you know, maybe shifting, you know, what you're doing for a living because you kind of want to be there with your kid. Like, you don't want to miss nothing. You don't want to come home always tired because you done put in a 12-hour shift. You know what I'm saying? And trust me, I know some people gotta do what they gotta do, and I understand that. But at the same time, we also got the ability to do what we have to do to put ourselves in a better situation. You know, um, you know, when I say go back to school, it ain't got to be like a four-year university or, you know, bachelor's degree or whatever, man, this Get yourself in a cert program, whether that's like tech or something that's needed today that don't require you to put in so much physical effort, you know, even though that's needed, the essential workers are needed and I get that and I get that. I just find it very beneficial for, you know, Dads to not be in such a physical demanding type of work because your kids going, they, they need you. They going to need, you know, they going to want to play with you. They, you, You know, they need you as well as that job needs you, you know, or they need you more than what that job needs you for. You know what I'm saying? Um, I just have experience working in, you know, warehouses and factories for a couple years. Um, for the first, I would say year and a half of my kid. You know, I made it work, but you know, what I had to do to make sure I was there presently and make sure, you know, I'm bringing in the money or whatever, man, it was crazy to myself. I was really beating myself up. You know, like working third shift to make sure I'm, my kids see me throughout the day. And to like, you know, at the same time taking classes to make sure in the future I put myself in a better situation. You know what I'm saying? Um, I had to do that, but the, You know, I should have, I should have been took care of that a while back, you know. Um, but that's a, another story for another episode. So, I would say, start thinking about where you at. If you're not, Exactly where you want to be at. You just happen to be there because, you know, you needed a job, whatever. Start thinking about, all right, for the, my future self, I want my kid to look up to me as something different. I know I want my son to look at me as like college educated working in such and such doing such and such has experience in such and such and also has his own thing going on. You know what I mean? Um, Just, you know, just start thinking about that if you are not there yet. Um, and I would say like third, you know, make sure you have a support group. You know, make sure you have a A real support group not just young homies like some like some people that that's in the same situation that you are in being a new dad or have been dads and are presently there like Make sure y'all, y'all, y'all stay close and stay connected because you go, you go need your friends just because or mentors like you're going to go through some things. And honestly, honestly, You can't put that on your partner, your wife, your girlfriend, because they already going through their own thing. Plus, physically having a kid, they're going through their own thing. The last thing they need is you. To come to them talking about how you feeling, you know, like they are going to understand, which they probably understand, but look, they going through their own shit. They want to tell you how they feeling. You know, and um, and you, you just have a different role. You know, that's just not, not saying you're not allowed to say your feelings to your woman, but in that stage, especially after having a kid, like it is don't do it. Like, you need to get you a community or be a part of a community that allows you to express, you know, your frustrations and your stress. And I Hopefully this podcast will be that place you can come to and listen to every Monday to gain that motivation, to gain that insight, to hear conversations, you know. Um, of being a new dad and as being a man and, you know, in general, um, That's, that's, you know, I hope this, this podcast will be your community. Um, so I would say one, get your gym membership because you're going to need it. You're going to, you're going to have some frustrations. That you gonna need to let out, you know, go to the gym. Like, I ain't saying, like, be a bodybuilder. Just go ahead for thirty minutes and just work out that energy you got going on. Two, Start thinking about your future, this, you know, career rise or you want to be out to manure, whatever it is, man, start thinking about it, start planning it, start taking action, you know, um, and, and third, you need to subscribe to this podcast. Um, cause you're gonna need it. It's gonna be very helpful to you. You're gonna need a solid community that's gonna give you that, like I said, that motivation, give you that comfort, um, In a new journey that you are, you know, going through right now, you know, so it's going to be cool. We're going to be good. We're going to be good. Um, Closing thoughts, um, like I said, I am very excited for this new journey that I'm currently on. Um, getting ready to be a dad of two. Um, I want to invite y'all on my journey. I want to invite y'all in my experiences, um, and the people I will have on, um, I'm, you know, I'm just at a different stage in life where, you know, I want, I want to help out. I want to give, give back in a way I feel like I'm best at giving back. Um, so with that being said, this is the Dad Shift Podcast reminding you that every shift brings growth. See you later, Kings.