Emotional Resilience | Raising An Emotional Resilient Toddler

In this episode of The Dad Shift, we dive into the emotional rollercoaster of raising toddlers and what it really means to build emotional resilience—in them and in ourselves. From toddler tantrums to teachable moments, we explore how to guide our little ones through big feelings while learning to regulate our own. We talk about tools to help toddlers name their emotions, how to model healthy emotional responses, and why resilience starts at home. Whether you’re navigating meltdowns or moments of connection, this episode is about showing up with patience, empathy, and a willingness to grow alongside your child.

Transcript

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Thank

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you for tuning in to a new episode of the Dadshit Podcast hosted by me, Lawrence Brown. Today we are going to talk about a topic that's Very sensitive in the community. I do feel like there is more conversations happening, but it's time to really get in tune to our emotions and our feelings, especially when trying to raise a family and just you navigating the world. So today's topic will be about how to raise an emotionally resilient toddler. But before we even get to trying to raise our kids to be, you know, resilient in their emotional state, I think we must look at ourselves first and we must, you know, fix some things about ourselves, solve some things about, solve some things that, you know, we have any baggage, emotional baggage that we might have. We need to start working on that or you need to start working on that before, you you think about starting a family or if your kid is at an early age, it's time to start working through those baggage of emotional unresolved issues you might have going on. I know with me, I definitely had some emotional baggage from a youth that I carried with me you know used it as motivation or you know felt like you know yeah just this motivation felt like that that's that's all i can do with it um but in reality it was affecting me as a just as a person you know and before i wanted you know before i before my kid arrived One thing I wanted to do is to kind of dead any type of emotional baggage that I had that I could resolve. Definitely stuff from years ago that I might feel like affected me, but once you know that you have control over your life and control how you move and control how you dictate on what you want, you start making decisions like that. Like, all right, you know what? That no longer affects me right now. So what I'm going to do, I'm going to go ahead and dead this. I'm going to go ahead and resolve this and let it float because I'm jumping into a whole new world and I don't need any baggage to weigh me down as I'm trying to move up. It's just, you know, it is what it is, and that's what a lot of things. That's not just with, you know, having a kid or expecting a kid. That's just within life. As you get older, there's some things that you're just going to have to, you know, resolve and talk it out, let it go, find a compromise point, and let it be what it is, if that makes sense. You know, that's how I started moving. That's how I started moving. Like, I'm no longer angry. I'm no longer mad. I'm no longer, you know, holding a grudge because it's not really doing much for me. Maybe at one point, that motivation, that extra little motivation might have got me over the hump. But right now, it's really not doing anything for me. It's just, you know, at this point, it is what it is. This is how we're going to move forward and go from here. And so... I'm not a therapist. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I highly encourage you to talk to somebody or whoever, whomever, whatever you have those emotional issues with. Lay it all out. Lay it out. Just lay it out. This is all for you. This is not like y'all not agreeing on anything. This is just basically you're going to lay whatever it is out will help benefit you and it don't matter they agree with it or not if you agree with it you know you take that and just move on because we got bigger things to do and we're we're trying to grow so um like yeah so just going back i feel like we need to dead kill any emotionally baggage emotional baggage that we might have before we start thinking about tackling a whole new journey because you don't want to keep having things from the past to just keep lagging on you, keep leeching on you because you're always going to get reminded of it and it's always going to bring certain feelings from even 10 years ago, 20 years ago. If you keep it on you, you're going to always be upset about it. You can just be by yourself and doing your own thing, but you got this attached to you, you're going to randomly think about that and it's going to mess up your whole day. So we need to let go of any emotional baggage that we don't need as we embark on this new journey of being a dad in fatherhood. And for anybody else out there listening that's not a dad, moms, or whatever, Just think about that just for your own growth as a person, I feel like. I'm still working on that myself. No, definitely made progress. But, you know, I'm on a journey. I'm on that ride too. So, you know, we all in this together. So back to what we were talking about. When we think about emotions, being emotional, feelings, having feelings, As a man, there's often, like I said, a bad rep that goes with it. So I ask this question to myself, like, you know, why do men often struggle to talk about feelings or being emotional? And just, you know, doing research and things that, you know, we already know. I think it starts primarily with the culture, right? From an early age, boys are often told directly or indirectly that emotions like sadness, fear, or vulnerability means weakness. So just off the rip, you're already kind of conditioned to think that if you feel any of these, you're less than already. The fear of judgment is a big one. I feel like many men worry about... Opening up will make them feel less thin, less strong, less competent, less in control. The fear sticks, especially in environments that value stoicism. And I'll give you the definition of what stoicism is. Another thing is the lack of practice, I would say. If you were never taught to name your emotions or talk about them, you won't suddenly feel equipped to do it as an adult. You know, and that's, that's when anything, if you don't practice at a skill, you're not going to know how to, to perform that skill when needed. You know, it's not something that just click like that. It's something that you need to, needs to be, you know, practice. And, you know, as a kid, if you're not taught that it's hard for you to practice something that you was never taught or never, you know, is unfortunate, let alone as a dad trying to model healthy expression. So if you're a dad trying to teach healthy expression and healthy emotionally, how are you going to teach that if you never was taught that and you never really expressed your own emotions? That goes back to me saying, like, before you become a dad, I feel like you need to let go of some baggage. You need to resolve some baggage that's emotionally tied to you. Yeah, so, and another thing, there is an emotional literacy gap. It's not that men don't feel deeply. It's that many weren't given the language or the space to understand what they're feeling, let alone communicate it. That goes back to kind of practicing it. Like, how are you going to know how to do it if you was never taught it again? That simple. So what I hope this podcast will help to do is to turn all of that around and let's start practicing that, especially now, you know, not just for the family, for your own sake. You know, that stress and that emotion, that's going to take a toll on you to the point where, like, it affects everything about your life, how you work, how you move, how you network, how you communicate, how you look, you know. All of that eats at you, man. And as a dad, we need to be as present as possible. So we don't need anything that we can't control to eat at us. and destroy us for us not to want to be present. You know what I'm saying? So moving on, how this ties into fatherhood, I feel like becoming a dad can bring up all kinds of feelings, love, fear, doubt, joy. Many men don't know how to process that. But when dads do start showing up emotionally, it's powerful. Kids... don't need perfection. They need presence. They need presence. So very important. This is a very important topic. So as you move on, I can think of, you know, growing up. Shout out to shout out to my godfather, godfather, Willie Styles out there. He Definitely, as a male, showed me that emotion, showed me that support that I needed. Even though he couldn't be there 100% of the time, you know what I'm saying? So whenever we could meet up, I know every time that I was with him that I was in a safe zone, he was there for me. And I know that if I had any issues, he would hear me out. I don't know. It's crazy. He understood. I owe that man a lot. From that little bit of having that emotional outlet, and I think me personally, I think as a kid, I always just had that... What would you say? You know how you have a, I won't call it a skill. I would call it like a, I don't know. I always had that, eh, that emotion, that emotional, eh, like I felt for everybody, you know. I was probably the most emotional one out of my siblings just by nature, you know, that, you know, I always wanted to keep everyone happy, laughing, you I was always aware of the vibe. I wasn't always aware of, you know, what was actually happening, but I can understand or I always understood the feeling in the air and looking at people's expressions. I always had that like, all right, you know, based on how she look, how you look, we need to, I need to, you know, I feel like I need to do something to uplift some spirits and, you know, make people feel good. Like, you know, so I always joked around, was, you know, clowned around as a kid within the household. And I don't know. I always had that innate ability, I feel like. But, you know, and I feel like, you know, growing up as a man, I always had that, you know, just had that in me, you know, I know I said that not everybody was taught. I was taught somehow, but I think naturally I always had it in me. So having a kid now, having a boy now, and he's two and a half, going on two and a half years, and he's in his evolved evolution stages where he's starting to express how he feels you know, emotionally by his reactions. And, you know, I have to be careful in situations that I am, that I put my, I am like, you know, I put myself in that, you know, I might react out of pocket. Like if I'm playing a game and I crash out on the game, I got to be careful on how I react. You know, like I can't be throwing my controller and I can't be, yelling at the TV or doing something crazy because he's watching me react to a frustrated moment. And I just have to make sure that, you know, I show him positive, positive reactions. And when he's not in the room, do what I got to do. You feel me? But I got to, you know, there's one example on how I can let him know that or show him the best reaction The best way he can comprehend it of, you know, if I'm frustrated, you know, laugh about it, calm, whatever. Like, think of this, you know, do something that's opposite of, you know, looking violent or negative, I would say. But so we're going to move on to the topic. What is emotional resilience? Okay. Emotional resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, manage emotions, and handle stress. It's never about feeling sad, angry, or frustrated. It's about what to do next. Like I said, it's all about how you react to it. Back to the example, if I'm frustrated at a game, I can't react by throwing my controller. You know, if my son is frustrated that he can't, you know, get this puzzle piece together or he can't figure it out, you know, and he throws it because he can't figure it out, I have to make sure I'm there to help him realize that, you know, calm down. We're going to figure this out. I'm going to help you. You know, I'm going to be there for you. We're going to figure this out together. You're not alone. with your frustrations, I'm here. You know, having that, being there when you see that and helping him out, figuring it out. And then once he figure it out or we figure it out together, you know, just celebrate that. And he's going to feel way more comfortable and way more confident on how to handle a situation where he's having frustration of trying to figure something out. Just little examples. you know, from a adult to a two year old, you know, just those little moments can, I feel like can help, you know, in a, in a big way. So, um, another bullet, uh, toddlers are, like I said, naturally emotional. It's, you know, or isn't a, it's a development stage. Like, like I said, I feel like my son is in that stage now where he's definitely, uh, expressing how he feels. And I have to be careful as a parent not to overreact on how he feels as well. Still teach him a positive way to counteract or react on whatever it is. But I can't yell at him for feeling a certain way. Like, hey, don't be yelling. Don't be angry. Why are you yelling like that? Why are you crying? Like, I can't come at him as like it's a bad thing of him showing some type of emotion. You know, like, it's okay to show that you're frustrated, but it's all about how you react to it, you know, and figure out a solution to solve whatever issue that is or just go and get help, you know, and next time from that help, you know, you know what to do next time so you become less frustrated. Moving on, I think resilience begins with safe and consistent relationships. So being presently there, always being there more than you're not, constantly talking to your kid and constantly coaching your kid in a positive way about or showing them how to react positively. Like, we can't be there halfway. We can't. We can't be there halfway, and we definitely cannot not be there. I know that's a double negative, but we have to constantly be there for them to understand. We got to repeat these. We got to keep repeating these actions so they can get it. But the only way you can teach them is if you practice these things yourself. So going back to step one, of letting go your emotional baggage and figuring out how you can overcome your frustrations. Now, you have to take those same techniques and put it in a form that a two-year-old can understand and help them solve their issues and grow from there as they get older, you know, and help build on their emotional resilience. But it starts now. You feel me? It starts now. It starts with you first, right? It starts with you. You got to make sure you're good. You got to make sure you are equipped with the tools. If you don't have the tools, you know, we have the resources to find out what those tools are. If you can't do that, man, we have people that can help you or help guide you to those positive tools, therapists, counselors, programs out there to help us, you know. So it's time to, you know, really put some effort, you know, put some effort in that. Moving on, you know, building confidence and independence. Let them try even when it's messy, messy or slow. Let them, you know, let them go about, let them try to figure it out. You know, be there, be there with them, you know, overwatch so you can be a helping hand, but let them, you know, figure it out. You want to celebrate the efforts, not just the outcome, but just them trying to figure or work, work out the, Work out a solution, possible solution. You want to encourage them. You want to, you know, make sure that it's not always about the outcome. It's the work in between is the journey. And keeping a positive mindset during the journey is the most important thing when trying to, you know, reach your goals. And that's just in life, period. And that's something, you know, I had to learn at an older age, you know, being impatient, you know. I only cared about the outcome, you know, like I just want to get there, you know. But I learned that, you know, sometimes once you get there, you're not fully satisfied because you didn't fully take in the journey. You know, you only cared about the goals because that's what, you know, you was taught or that's what, just what you know. But, you know, getting older, it's always been about the journey. Thinking about times I had back then, the journey was the most memorable. When the shows came, when the events came, they came and went an hour, two hours, came and went. But the journeys put in the hours, You know, putting in the days, the sweat, you know, the mental aspect of the mental energy, that was the journey. And that's what I remember most. So you got to instill that in your kids at an early age because as they grow older, that is very important. Yeah. Kids are very impatient, and that gets worse as they grow into an adult because things don't happen overnight. Some things take years. Sometimes you're going to have to start over. You're going to have to pivot. So being able to handle those moments is very important. So I would say... Start instilling that confidence and that independence within your kid and letting them know that the journey is the most important aspect of everything that we do. Man, this is a good topic. I'm definitely going to bring this back up. Bring this back up later and hear what other dads have to say about this. And, you know, and I just want to see everybody grow. Just want to get different perspectives and seeing what we all can, you know, make of it. So moving on, moving on. We're going to talk about some quick tips that can help us practice. Is to first, you know, start creating, you know, routines. They give the emotional security. So you want to. have something in place that, you know, you both are on the same page with. It just helps further build the foundation and the relationship between you and your kid. So it's very important to start routines to continue to build the foundation. And it keeps you on track, too, as a parent. It keeps you disciplined, and it helps. It instills, you know, values and things that are needed, you know, to build something for the longevity of, you know, the family and the longevity of you being a dad. So routines are very important. Outside of routines, I have a couple more. Offering empathy before corrections. Be there calm in a storm. Your regulations teaches them. And I would say check your emotional well-being. The kids pick up on that energy. So some of those points kind of tie into one another, especially the last two. You want to... You know, just be open. You want to have an understanding of why they did a certain thing. You want to talk things out, figure out where this frustration is really rooted from. You don't want to go straight to correcting or discipline without understanding, you know. We all want understanding before whatever happens. that we might face in whatever we might do, whether that's a job or just in other relationships. We want to at least give our reasoning why we did this certain thing. And kids have their reasoning why. They probably did it because they saw you do it, you know. And you can't get mad at them about that when kids kind of really just replicate what you do. So having that open ear gives your kid, you know, up on feeling comfortable of coming to you with any issues they might have from a youth and on. So it's very important. We're going to, you know, we're going to touch on this topic a little deeper later down in the podcast. So, you know, I don't want to get too in-depth right now, but we're going to keep it there. We're going to end this off just because that... I want you guys to start implementing some of these tips to help you out. I know I'm going to take my own advice and make sure I continue to do what I have to do as a dad and as a man as well. So to wrap things up, I want to encourage all the listeners, all the dads out there, new dads out there or people who are just curious of what you know what's happening right now um you're already doing the work by showing up and learning by you clicking on this video you wanted some insight you wanted some real talk from someone who was learning and someone who also has implemented implemented some of these tips you know what i'm saying so I want to see everybody, I want to see all the dads, especially the new dads out there, succeed and enjoy fatherhood and start to break some of these mythical ways of how to be a dad and really how to be a man. Because, like I said, I feel like, you know, I have my own thoughts on why I feel like these negative things or these ideas of what it is to be a man is pretty wild. I feel like, you know, some of these ideas are meant to break us, break the family apart. You take the dad away from the family, man, the family breaks, you know? Not taking anything away from moms, but without the mom and dad and the family raising the kids together as one, as a unit. But the dad is taught not to give love and not to show love and not to show emotions. But that's what we all as humans thrive on. It's wild to me. And I really feel like that was told to us as a weapon to destroy the family. So we got to start reversing some of these old sayings, ideas, and start doing what's right. You know, if the Bible tells us to love, love conquers all. Love is also an emotion. It's also a feeling. But it's just crazy that I'm not supposed to show that as a dad. You know what I'm saying? It don't make sense. It don't make sense. So I feel like it's something that's been told to us to destroy the family. And I'm not going to stand for it. I'm not going to accept it. I ain't going for it, you feel me? I'm going to be there 100% for my kids, emotionally as possible, especially with me having a daughter on the way, having a baby girl on the way. You can't tell me that, no, I'm there. I don't care. Because at the end of the day, nobody is going to care about my kids more than me. more than their mom. Nobody's going to care more about my kids more than me and their mom. I want my kids to come to me for everything, for guidance. We can still be vulnerable and also be strong. That's what makes us human. Nobody's strong 100% of the time. And if you are, you got some things going on with you. And you need to let it go. Because it's killing you. You know? Yeah, I'm going to leave it off right there. So if you resonate with this podcast... Please share, comment, please subscribe. Whatever thoughts you have, I'm here to listen. I want to know how y'all feel. You know, I'm on this journey with y'all. There's still some things I need to learn. You know what I'm saying? So once again, this is the Dad Shift Podcast. I'm Lawrence Brown. We only heating up, baby.

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It's episode three.

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I'm out.