Your Relationship Imprint/Coding

 A relationship isn’t meant to save you. It’s meant to grow you. I want to invite you to re-frame relationship as a spiritual path. This spiritual path is about your personal transformation, and embracing your EXPRESSING truth. When we accept the truth, we can turn our love toward ourselves before we turn it toward others.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to House of Sovereignty, a space for women who are ready to come back to themselves in love, relationships, and life. I'm Marla Martinson, matchmaker, coach, and intuitive. And in each episode, I'll be sharing stories, insights, and a little bit of magic so you can start seeing things more clearly, trusting yourself more deeply, and experiencing love in a different way.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

But first I want to share something with you that I absolutely love. This is something written by Maria Sabina Magdalena Garcia, known as Maria Sabina, who is a famous Mexican healer. And it's just a little paragraph called You Are the Medicine. And she says, Cure yourself with the light of the sun and the rays of the moon, with the sound of the river and the waterfall, with the swaying of the sea and the fluttering of birds. Heal yourself with mint, with neem and eucalyptus. Sweeten yourself with lavender, rosemary and chamomile. Hug yourself with cacao bean and a touch of cinnamon. Put love in tea instead of sugar and take it looking at the stars. Heal yourself with the kisses that the wind gives you and the hugs of the rain. Get strong with bare feet on the ground and with everything that is born from it. Get smarter every day by listening to your intuition, looking at the world with the eye of your forehead. Jump, dance, sing so that you live happier. Heal yourself with beautiful love and always remember you are the medicine. And just as Maria Sabina, this famous, amazing Mexican healer, articulated, you are the medicine. We can heal ourselves. And the way we do it is with self-love, respect, compassion, and self-care. We regulate our nervous systems, calm our minds, and refresh our spirit. Accepting ourselves is respecting ourselves. And as written in the poem Charge of the Goddess by Doreen Valiente, I offer this line as an affirmation. Let this be our mantra for today. Let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you. Isn't that beautiful? So let's talk about your relationship in print. Coming into it with that grounding and self-love and knowing that Maria Sabina uh so beautifully articulated. So I have a hot take for you. Are you ready? A relationship isn't meant to save you, it's meant to grow you. I know this idea is counter to the prevailing myth in our culture that relationship will save you, and that myth may be deeply embedded in your operating system. So let's just spend a little time exploring this. So from fairy tales of being rescued from drudgery like Cinderella or being awakened from slumber by the magic kiss like Sleeping Beauty, women have envisioned ourselves as damsels in distress to be rescued or heroes riding up on white horses. I used to think that when I was a little girl. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, and I used to dream of being a princess, or I grew up on these uh fairy tales and thinking, oh, Prince Charming, wouldn't that be wonderful if he rode up on that horse? But truth be told, real life isn't like the movies or fairy tales. Haven't you noticed how most almost all of the movies end right before, well, the hard stuff begins. But society has told us that if we find the one, we won't ever have to feel lonely, sad, or rejected again. And that if we're single, by choice or by chance, there's something wrong with us. So we look for a relationship that will provide us with validation and approval. But that is a myth. Relationship won't prevent you from feeling any of the unpleasant emotions. The only person who can ease your feelings of loneliness, sadness, or rejection is you. The only person who can validate you and give you the approval you seek is you. And until you love and accept yourself, no one else's validation is going to stick. A healthy relationship is really all about loving yourself. Relationships remain on shaky ground when you require someone else to determine your worthiness. So I want you to invite, I want to invite you to reframe relationship as a spiritual path. Relationships really are our biggest spiritual uh teacher. It's a teacher, and we are here on Earth School. So this this spiritual path, it's about your personal transformation, embracing your um expressing the truth. Because when we accept the truth, we can turn our love towards ourselves. We turn our love towards ourselves before we turn it towards others. Our relationships are teachers that help us become more whole, conscious beings. Relationship, what did I say? It's a school room, like the earth is this earth school. It is a relationship is a school room for personal growth and spiritual development. Isn't it? Isn't aren't relationships the thing that has kicked your butt the most if you think about it? And our most intimate relationships give us the absolute best schoolroom for our growth. They bring out the best in us because we love so deeply, but they also bring out the worst in us because they cause us to bump up against our beliefs and our fears and our wounds. We draw to us partners who are our greatest teachers. Oh boy, my in my own life, I have uh definitely brought in the people that needed that I needed lessons. And boy, did I, it took me a long time. I always say I'm a I'm a late, what is it, a late bloomer and a late learner. Um, but you know what? It's okay because that's what I'm here for. And if you've ever wondered why the same issues tend to come up in relationship after relationship or repeatedly in your current relationship, it's because those issues are at the core of your curriculum. I had every single relationship I've had. And I've actually been married three times and lived with another man. So I've had four live-in relationships. Now, mind you, I am in my 60s and I started out early. And it's okay, you know, it's the first one was a kind of a high school, high school, after high school eloping kind of a thing where I almost don't want to count it. Um, it was a wild story, which I may share with you sometime. Um, but each relationship had those same dynamics in it, the same thing. And I had to keep repeating it with different with a with another guy, just the actually the same guy, just in a different pair of pants. You know, it was the same, same dang thing. Um so you know, you're you'll unconsciously orchestrate the exact relationship to learn what you need to. And I only am sharing this with you because I know it for a fact with my own life and other women I've spoken to and learned along the way. It's it keeps happening, right? And and we have to embrace it because until we learn our lesson, we're gonna keep, we'll flunk. We're gonna flunk, we're gonna get a D or an F, and we're gonna have to take that class again. So if you need to learn that you're lovable, you'll feel rejected over and over. If you need to learn that your body's beautiful, you'll draw in partners who criticize those few extra pounds. If you need to learn your to own your own space in the world, you'll repeatedly choose relationships where you have to fight for your voice to be heard. Relationships provide the perfect opportunity to expose your patterns and then change them. So reframing relationship as a spiritual path doesn't mean that some partners won't fall apart. Like just like I said, you know, we're we're just because it's a spiritual path doesn't mean, oh, it's all beautiful and perfect. Spiritual, spiritual paths are kicks our butt right down that, you know, that yellow brick road. It'll kick our butt down the road. It doesn't mean we won't have painful experiences in a relationship. We might need to move on to a new schoolroom with a new partner, or we might need some time on our own to regroup. So the purpose of relationships, not only school, of course, but remember you can't rely on another person, not even a partner or a spouse to take care of all of your emotional needs. Relying on an external source for your internal well-being sets you up for disappointment and pain. But the good news is that you have the power to rely on yourself. So when you view relationship as a spiritual path, you have the opportunity to heal instead of run. They become a place to learn. Relationships can have the capacity, elasticity, and resiliency to hold you in your truth, in your differences, and in your discomfort, all of it. So ask yourself you might want to journal on this. Um, I always suggest, you know, having a journal when you're listening to House of Sovereignty podcast. Maybe you want to have your House of Sovereignty journal if you if you're gonna be a regular here because it's it's a great place to stretch, it's a great place to um look at patterns and heal some things together. And you might want to ask yourself, what's coming up for you around that? What is the impact of looking at relationship as a spiritual path? All right. So this this week until our next uh episode, just stay in this conversation with yourself about reframing relationship as a spiritual path and can just continue to bring to the surface any of the myths you hold about relationship and stay curious and just notice what shifts and know that we are here to learn and we cannot expect someone else to solve all our problems or sweep our wounds or pain under the rug. Yes, it is exciting, especially when a relationship's new, we have those butterflies and it feels so good and all of that, but things can shift pretty quickly if we have wounds that are there on the surface, unhealed. And then when we're calling in someone that is mirroring those wounds, and we thought, what the hell happened? I thought this was phenomenal, I thought this was my soulmate. I th you know, we throw banter that word around. We kind of throw, oh it's my soulmate. You know, I feel I feel butterflies, and so does this person, and we talk for five four hours and we, you know, we're texting all day. This is my soulmate. Well, soulmates don't always mean everything's perfect either. Soulmate is here to again uh teach us things. We're gonna learn from our soulmate. And soulmate is just, you know, it we we travel in soul groups, we have soul group, soul family. And so that includes pets, and that includes, you know, all sorts of people that may come up. Could be a lover, a romantic partner, could be a boss, a parent, a sibling, a friend. We we change um roles. It's like a play, like we're down here, like in a theater. The curtain opens, and who are you playing, you know, in this lifetime? So when we know that as well, and um when we can, you know, embrace that, uh, everyone has their own belief system, of course, but if if that is something that you can, you know, get on board with, it kind of makes things easier. It's like, okay, well, this is, you know, we we we discussed in spirit, we discussed who's playing what role in this next incarnation down here when we kind of jump down into the body, right? Into the coming into this other dense dimension. And okay, we're playing, I'm playing this role, you're playing that role, and we don't put so much on it. It's like, okay, this is what we came here for, this is the theme that I've picked in this life to learn a certain lesson. And I um I know with my husband it is a karmic relationship, and uh, there's some pretty heavy stuff that we've had to work through. Um, but we're still we're still doing it. We're still doing a quarter of a century now. We we've been doing it together. So um, we're healing a lot of stuff. All right, so that is it for today. Thank you for being with me, and until next time, I love you, and uh remember to stay grounded and love yourself.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Thank you so much for spending this time with me. If this resonated, I'd really appreciate it if you left a review on iTunes and hit subscribe. And if you'd like to go a little deeper, you can explore my private audio experiences and one to one sessions inside House of Sovereignty at marlamartensen.com. Everything is linked below in the show notes. I'd love to connect with you.