Why Traditional Mentors Fail Trauma Survivors (And How to Find One That Won’t) | Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide Ep. 007

Why Traditional Mentors Fail Trauma Survivors (And How to Find One That Won't)

Have you watched colleagues advance through powerful mentorship while you struggle to form these critical connections? In this revealing episode of Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide, I explain why this happens to trauma survivors and why it's not your fault.

As someone who once wore armor at work, keeping potential mentors at a distance because it felt safer, I share why traditional mentorship models fundamentally fail trauma survivors. These conventional approaches ignore our trust barriers, risk retraumatization, lack trauma-informed guidance, and miss the structured support we need to engage safely.

Discover what trauma-informed mentorship truly looks like:

• How psychological safety becomes the foundation rather than an afterthought
• Why addressing power dynamics openly transforms the mentoring relationship
• The critical role of transparency and predictability in building trust
• How healthy boundaries create the safety needed for genuine growth
• The power of a strengths-based approach that recognizes your trauma journey as a source of professional assets

You'll learn my practical "nervous system litmus test" for identifying safe mentors and concrete strategies for finding mentorship that honors both your professional potential and healing journey.

Welcome to Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide, the podcast reimagining career development for trauma survivors. I'm your host, Cyndi Bennett, founder of the Resilient Career Academy, helping you access career advancement tools that respect your unique needs and experiences.

When you're ready, here are 3 ways I can help you grow your career journey:

1. Free trauma-informed career development resources from my website! Visit https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com for always up-to-date tips.
2. Ready to build a fulfilling career with trauma-informed support? Join The Resilient Career Academy Learning Community, where trauma survivors support each other, share resources, and develop career resilience in a safe, understanding environment
3. Ready for personalized trauma-informed career coaching? Explore my range of virtual coaching packages designed for different stages of your career journey. Visit my website to find the right support for where you are now. [Visit my website: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com/1-on-1-coaching]

DISCLOSURE: Some links I share might contain resources that you might find helpful. Whenever possible I use referral links, which means if you click any of the links in this video or description and make a purchase we may receive a small commission or other compensation at no cost to you.

Transcript

Why Traditional Mentors Fail Trauma Survivors (And How to Find One That Won’t) | Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide Ep. 007

Cyndi Bennett: [00:00:00] Have you ever watched colleagues get picked for special projects or promotions because they had powerful mentors in their corner while you were left? Wondering why no one sees your potential? You are not alone. As trauma survivors, we often struggle to form the very connections that could accelerate our careers, and it's not your fault.

Today I'm going to show you why traditional mentorship models fail us as trauma survivors, and more importantly, how to find mentors who can truly support your growth without compromising your healing journey.

I remember early in my own career watching others advance with the guidance of senior leaders, while I tried to go it alone, I couldn't understand why leaders weren't investing in me. It wasn't until years later, further along in my healing journey that I realized I was wearing armor at work, keeping everyone at a distance because it felt safer that [00:01:00] way.

By the end of this episode, you'll understand why forming these crucial professional relationships feel so challenging, and you'll have practical strategies for finding and building mentorships that honor your lived experience. If you skip this episode, you'll continue to miss out on one of the most powerful career advancement tools available, all because traditional mentorship models weren't designed with our unique needs in mind.

​Did you know that trauma impacts how we navigate our careers? But most career advice ignores this reality. Imagine feeling confident and safe at work while honoring your healing journey. Welcome to your Trauma Wise Career Guide, the podcast that reimagines, career development for trauma survivors. I'm your host, Cyndi Bennett, a trauma survivor, turned trauma- informed career coach and founder of the [00:02:00] Resilient Career Academy. If you're navigating your career while honoring your healing journey, you are in the right place.

Traditional mentorship requires vulnerability, trust, and connection, the very things that can feel threatening when you've experienced trauma. Think about it. Mentorship asks us to admit we don't know something, to receive feedback and to allow someone with more power to guide us. For those of us with trauma histories, these dynamics can trigger our survival responses.

I spent years telling myself I didn't need mentors, that I could figure it out myself. In true dismissive- avoidant attachment style fashion, I prioritized independence and emotional distance. I convinced myself this was strength, when really, it was my nervous system choosing safety over growth.

[00:03:00] Traditional mentorship models fail trauma survivors in specific ways.

First, they ignore the trust barriers created by past trauma. When you've experienced betrayal or harm, especially from authority figures, the idea of trusting a senior colleague with your professional development can feel impossible.

Second, these models risk retraumatization when mentors aren't educated about trauma impacts. A well-meaning but uninformed mentor might push for disclosure before you're ready or misinterpret your boundaries as resistance.

Third, there's a scarcity of trauma-informed mentors who understand how trauma affects your professional development and relationships. Most mentors, even kind ones, simply don't have the framework to support trauma survivors effectively.

Finally, traditional models lack the structured approaches that would help us engage in mentorship [00:04:00] while honoring our unique needs and boundaries. Without addressing these barriers, we miss out on crucial career development opportunities that mentorship provides.

So what's the alternative? Trauma informed mentorship adapts traditional mentoring relationships to create experiences that are safe, empowering, and growth promoting for survivors like us.

At its foundation, trauma-informed mentorship prioritizes psychological safety above all else. These mentors understand that trust develops at different paces for trauma survivors and must be earned gradually. They maintain consistent, predictable patterns of communication and follow through on commitments, recognizing that reliability creates safety.

Unlike traditional mentorship, where hierarchical power dynamics often go unexamined, trauma informed [00:05:00] mentorship actively addresses power imbalances. These mentors share decision making, regularly checking in about comfort levels, and respect your agency. They avoid authoritarian approaches that could trigger trauma responses.

Transparency is also crucial. Trauma-informed mentors provide clear expectations and explicit communication. They explain the why behind feedback or suggestions and avoid surprise elements in meetings or assignments. This transparency reduces anxiety and helps you navigate professional settings with greater confidence.

Healthy, clear boundaries form the backbone of these relationships. Good mentors model appropriate professional boundaries while respecting the boundaries you set. They offer choices whenever possible rather than mandates, understanding that having options is crucial when you've experienced situation where choice was removed.

[00:06:00] Perhaps most importantly, trauma-informed mentors take a strengths-based approach. Rather than focusing primarily on deficits, they actively identify and affirm your unique strengths and resilience. They recognize that your healing journey has given you valuable skills such as adaptability, emotional intelligence, and perseverance, that are genuine professional assets.

The essence of trauma-informed mentorship isn't about treating you as fragile, but rather creating relationships that honor your experiences, respect your boundaries, and create the conditions where genuine growth and empowerment can occur.

This all sounds great, but I know what you're thinking, "where do I actually find these unicorn mentors who understand trauma?, And more importantly, "how do I take this step when the very idea of seeking mentorship feels [00:07:00] overwhelming?"

For many of us, the gap between recognizing the value of mentorship and actually feeling ready to pursue it can seem impossibly wide. Your nervous system might be sending all kinds of alarm signals at the mere thought of making yourself vulnerable in a professional relationship.

Even if you intellectually understand the benefits of mentorship, your body might be telling a different story. That disconnect isn't a character flaw. It's your protective responses doing exactly what they're designed to do.

But these protective responses, while necessary and dangerous situations, can limit our professional growth when they activate in safe environments, the challenge becomes how do we honor these protective impulses while still creating opportunities for the mentorship we need to advance our careers?

Today we've explored why traditional mentorship models often fail trauma survivors, and what trauma [00:08:00] informed mentorship actually looks like in practice. You now understand that your difficulties with mentorship aren't personal failings, but natural responses to systems that weren't designed with your experiences in mind.

You've learned that trauma-informed mentorship prioritizes safety, addresses power dynamics, provides transparency, respects boundaries, and takes a strengths-based approach. This knowledge gives you a framework to evaluate potential mentors and advocate for what you need in these relationships.

But there's still a gap between understanding these concepts and feeling ready to pursue mentorship in your workplace. That's why I created the Resilient Career Academy Learning Community, to serve as a bridge between where you are now and where you want to be professionally. The RCA Learning Community is your mentorship training ground, a safe [00:09:00] space where you can experience what trauma-informed mentorship feels like before seeking it in your workplace.

Here you'll find a controlled environment, where psychological safety is the foundation, opportunities to practice articulating your professional needs and boundaries, and guidance on recognizing supportive versus potentially harmful mentoring styles.

Think of it as trying on mentorship in a space designed specifically for survivors. You get to practice the vulnerability of being mentored without the full risk of workplace politics or power dynamics.

Many members initially joined with no intention of seeking a workplace mentor. The idea felt too overwhelming. Yet, after experiencing what healthy guidance looks like in our community, they discovered a newfound readiness to pursue these relationships in their professional environments.

If you are ready to build confidence, skills, and [00:10:00] discernment needed to find mentorship opportunities that will support your career growth. I invite you to join us in the RCA Learning Community as your first step. Visit Cyndi Bennett consulting.com/rca learning community to learn more. You deserve a mentorship that honors both your professional potential and your healing journey.

Before we wrap up, I want to share something that changed everything for me when it comes to mentorship. I was in a meeting with a potential mentor, and I felt that familiar tightness in my chest, that warning signal that my nervous system was going into protection mode. Instead of pushing through it or backing away entirely, I simply said, "I notice I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Would it be all right if we took a five minute break?"

Her response told me everything I needed to know about whether this was a safe mentorship match. She said, "thank you for letting me know what you [00:11:00] need. Absolutely. Let's take that break, and when we come back, we can adjust our approach."

That simple exchange, honoring my body signals and communicating a boundary, became my litmus test for safe professional relationships. The right mentors won't just respect your boundaries, they'll appreciate your self-awareness and see it as the professional strength it truly is.

Try this on your next professional interaction and watch how it instantly reveals who creates safety and who doesn't. Your body's wisdom is your most powerful guide in finding the mentorship you deserve.

Until next week, we'll see you on Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide. Take gentle care.