Why Being Seen Feels Dangerous: The Cost of Staying Invisible | Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide Ep 19

Why Being Seen Feels Dangerous: The Cost of Staying Invisible

Do you have expertise that could change lives, but find yourself hiding when it comes to visibility?

You're not alone.

In this episode, Cyndi shares her personal struggle with visibility and reveals why being seen feels terrifying for trauma survivors - even when it's exactly what we need to grow.

What You'll Learn
✨ Why trauma survivors struggle with visibility in unique ways
✨ The "stone face wound" and how it shapes our relationship with being seen
✨ A 4-step framework for healing your relationship with visibility
✨ How to practice "micro visibility" safely
✨ Why fear of being seen is information, not a character flaw

Key Quote
"We mute ourselves to survive as children, but we have to unmute ourselves to live as adults."
The 4-Step Visibility Framework

Find Your Safe Mirrors - People who give positive reflection
Practice Micro Visibility - Start small to prove safety
Develop Internal Validation - Become your own supportive parent
Honor Your Nervous System - Expand tolerance gradually

Ready to Step Into Your Power?
Book a free discovery call to explore your healing and career journey, identify what's keeping you invisible, and create a safe plan forward.
🔗 Free Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/cyndibennettconsulting/30min

Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide reimagines career development for trauma survivors. Host Cyndi Bennett is a trauma survivor turned trauma-informed career coach and founder of the Resilient Career Academy.

Subscribe for trauma-informed career strategies that honor your healing journey.

When you're ready, here are 3 ways I can help you grow your career journey:

1. Free trauma-informed career development resources from my website! Visit https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com for always up-to-date tips.
2. Ready to build a fulfilling career with trauma-informed support? Join The Resilient Career Academy Learning Community, where trauma survivors support each other, share resources, and develop career resilience in a safe, understanding environment
3. Ready for personalized trauma-informed career coaching? Explore my range of virtual coaching packages designed for different stages of your career journey. Visit my website to find the right support for where you are now. [Visit my website: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com/1-on-1-coaching]

DISCLOSURE: Some links I share might contain resources that you might find helpful. Whenever possible I use referral links, which means if you click any of the links in this video or description and make a purchase we may receive a small commission or other compensation at no cost to you.

Transcript

Why Being Seen Feels Dangerous: The Cost of Staying Invisible | Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide Ep 19

Cyndi Bennett: [00:00:00] You have expertise that could change lives. You've built systems that work, but when it comes time to show up as the face of your business, you'd rather stay invisible forever. Sound familiar?

In 2023, I was sitting in my home office staring at a blog draft I'd written and rewritten countless times. It was called Coming Off Mute, my first attempt at sharing my trauma story publicly and connecting it to my professional work. I knew I had valuable insights to offer, but I was completely invisible. No business. No clients, just expertise sitting unused in the shadows.

And here's the thing, nobody talks about staying invisible was costing me everything I'd worked for. While I was hiding the shadows, the people I was called to help were struggling without the support they needed. While I was perfecting my frameworks in [00:01:00] private, trauma survivors were getting generic career advice that ignored their unique journey and could even be harmful to their healing.

The freedom I thought I'd found in entrepreneurship had become another prison. One where I was both the guard and the prisoner. That day, staring at that unsent post, I realized something had to change, not because I suddenly got brave, but because the cost of staying invisible had finally become higher than the cost of being seen.

If you are listening to this as someone who struggled with visibility in your career or business, I want you to know you're not alone. And more importantly, there's a reason why being seen feels so terrifying, even when logic tells you it's exactly what you need to grow.

Did you know that trauma impacts how we navigate our careers? But [00:02:00] most career advice ignores this reality. Imagine feeling confident and safe at work while honoring your healing journey. Welcome to your Trauma Wise Career Guide, the podcast that reimagines, career development for trauma survivors. I'm your host, Cyndi Bennett, a trauma survivor, turned trauma informed career coach and founder of the Resilient Career Academy. If you're navigating your career. While honoring your healing journey, you are in the right place.

So let me take you deeper into that moment in 2023 when I was staring at that coming off mute draft, I think my experience might mirror yours in ways that will surprise you. I had all this knowledge about trauma-informed career development. I understood how trauma impacts people in the workplace. I had frameworks that I knew could help trauma survivors navigate their careers differently, but I had no business, no clients, [00:03:00] no way for people to find me.

And here's the mental battle I was fighting every single day. I knew there were trauma survivors out there struggling with generic career advice that could actually be harmful to their healing. I knew they needed what I had to offer, but I was too terrified to be visible enough for them to find me. I was trapped between two competing truths, my calling to serve, and my terror of being seen.

Every day I stayed invisible, I knew I was failing the people I was meant to help. But every time I tried to show up, my nervous system would scream, danger.

And here's the thing, I wasn't just afraid of being visible. I was terrified of connecting my trauma story to my professional expertise. What if people thought I was unprofessional? What if they saw me as damaged goods? What if sharing my story meant I'd never [00:04:00] be taken seriously in the career development space?

You see, I had learned to mute myself as a child because speaking up either brought punishment or fell on deaf ears. As I wrote in that article, for years I muted myself because I learned that no one wanted to hear what I had to say.

We mute ourselves to survive as children, but we have to unmute ourselves to live as adults.

But coming off mute wasn't just about finding my voice, it was about claiming my expertise as a trauma survivor, not in spite of being one. It was about choosing service over safety. 

Writing that first article felt like standing naked in Times Square. I was literally putting my trauma story and my professional credibility on the line simultaneously. And after I finally hit publish, I wanted to delete it immediately.

But something had [00:05:00] shifted. People started reaching out. Not to tell me I was unprofessional or too much, but to say " Thank God, someone finally gets it." Trauma survivors were sharing their stories of feeling invisible at work, of struggling with career development advice that ignored the reality, of hiding their brilliance because being seen felt too dangerous.

That's when I realized this wasn't just my struggle, this was a universal pattern among trauma survivors, and nobody was talking about it in the career development space.

See, what I've discovered working with hundreds of trauma survivors is that we all carry some version of what I call the stone face wound.

Maybe your caregiver was emotionally unavailable due to their own trauma. Maybe they were overwhelmed dealing with addiction or just didn't have the capacity to really see and celebrate you.

Whatever the reason when the people who were supposed [00:06:00] to be our first mirrors, the ones who should have reflected back our worth and value, when they showed us blank faces, criticism, or indifference instead. Our nervous systems learned a devastating lesson: being seen equals danger.

And here's the cruel irony. Entrepreneurship and career advancement requires visibility. You can't build a business hiding behind your computer forever. You can't advance in your career if you never speak up in meanings, never share your ideas, never advocate for yourself.

So we end up trapped in this painful paradox, desperate to be seen and valued, but terrified of the very visibility that could set us free.

The real breakthrough came about six months after that first coming off mute article. I was working with my own therapist and she said something that completely shifted my perspective. She said, Cyndi, [00:07:00] what if your fear of being seen isn't a character flaw to overcome? What if it's information about what you needed then and what you can give yourself now?

That's when I realized I wasn't trying to fix something broken in me. I was trying to re-parent a part of me that never got that positive mirroring every child deserves.

So I started documenting my journey on social media, not as a success story, but as a real time experiment in visibility for trauma survivors. I shared the messy parts, the setbacks, the victories, and everything in between.

What I discovered through this process, both for myself and my clients, is that healing our relationships with visibility isn't about becoming fearless. It's about tapping into the courage you already have.

You see, if you're a trauma survivor, you already know what real courage looks like. You've survived things that would break other [00:08:00] people. The courage is already there. It's about learning to use that same strength for the hard things that actually move your life forward.

Here's the framework that changed everything for me. First, find your safe mirrors. These are people who can give you the positive reflection you missed growing up. Not people who are gonna give you empty flattery, but people who genuinely see your competence and worth.

Second practice, micro visibility. Start so small it feels almost silly. Comment thoughtfully on someone's LinkedIn Post, share one insight in a team meeting. The goal isn't to go viral. It's to prove to your nervous system that visibility can be safe.

Third, develop internal validation. This is the hardest part because it means becoming the parent to yourself that you needed. Celebrating your wins, even the small ones, [00:09:00] acknowledging your growth, recognizing your unique value.

And fourth, honor your nervous system. This isn't about pushing through fear, it's about expanding your window of tolerance gradually with lots of self-compassion and support.

Now, here's what happened that I didn't expect. As I started doing this work, as I started showing up authentically in my business, something magical happened. The people who were meant to work with me started finding me and the people who weren't, they just scrolled on by.

But more than that, I realized that my visibility wasn't just about growing my business, it was about modeling for other trauma survivors that it's possible to be seen authentically without sacrificing your sense of safety.

Every time I post vulnerably on LinkedIn, every time I share my story on this podcast, every time I show up as my whole [00:10:00] self in my work, I'm not just building my business, I'm showing other trauma survivors that they don't have to choose between visibility and safety. That their healing journey doesn't disqualify them from success. It's actually their superpower.

If you're listening to this and thinking, that all sounds great, Cyndi, but I'm still terrified. I want you to know that's completely normal.

Understanding why you're afraid of visibility and actually rewiring decades of nervous system conditioning are two very different things. You might get excited about the idea of reparenting your visibility needs, but then freeze up when it's time to actually post that LinkedIn article or speak up in that meeting. This isn't because you're broken or not trying hard enough, it's because changing these deep patterns takes time, support and strategies that honor your [00:11:00] specific nervous system and healing journey.

And honestly, it's not work you have to do alone.

If you're tired of hiding your brilliance, if you're ready to break free from this invisible struggle, but you want support that understands your journey, I want to invite you to book a free discovery call with me.

We'll explore where you are in your healing and career journey. Identify what's specifically keeping you invisible, and create a plan for stepping into your power safely and sustainably. You can find the link in the show notes or visit Cyndi bennett consulting.com.

Because here's what I know to be true. Your story, your expertise, your unique way of seeing the world, it matters, and the people who need what you have to offer can't find you if you're hiding.

Before you go, I want to leave you with this. Some of the most confident leaders I know are trauma [00:12:00] survivors who've done this deep work. They're not confident because they never feel fear. They're confident because they've learned to tap into the courage they've always had.

The next time you see someone showing up confidently online, remember they're not using some special strength you don't have. They're using the same courage that got you through your darkest moments, just pointing it in a new direction. And that's something you already possess.

You're not walking this path alone. Every step you take toward a trauma wise career is an act of courage, and I'm here cheering you on. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with another survivor who needs to hear this message. Together we're rewriting the rules of career success. Keep rising, keep healing, keep building.