Stop Doing It Alone | Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide Ep 25

Stop Struggling Alone: Why Trauma Survivors Won't Get Help for Career-Blocking Symptoms

Are you battling anxiety, perfectionism, or triggers at work in isolation? Staying up until 2 AM researching solutions instead of getting professional support? This episode reveals why trauma survivors refuse help for the very symptoms keeping their careers stuck.

In this episode, you'll discover:

* Why trauma survivors isolate when career symptoms flare up
* How attachment wounds prevent you from seeking trauma-informed support
* The hidden costs of managing trauma responses alone (burnout, stagnation, missed opportunities)
* Why "doing it alone" feels safer but keeps you trapped
* Small steps to reach out for trauma-informed career support
* How to build a support system that understands both trauma and career growth

Key Topics Covered:
✓ Trauma symptoms impacting career growth
✓ Attachment wounds and help-seeking behaviors
✓ Breaking isolation patterns around professional struggles
✓ Trauma-informed career support
✓ Overcoming shame about needing help
✓ Career development for trauma survivors
✓ Professional support systems

Timestamps:
0:00 - Opening: Struggling alone at 2 AM
1:00 - Why trauma survivors avoid career support
3:00 - The hidden costs of isolation
6:00 - Redefining strength vs. weakness
8:00 - Attachment wounds blocking help-seeking
9:00 - Permission to need support
10:00 - Small steps toward getting help
12:00 - Building trauma-informed support

If you're ready to stop managing trauma symptoms alone and get the specialized support you need to grow your career while honoring your healing journey, let's talk.

📅 SCHEDULE YOUR FREE DISCOVERY CALL: https://calendly.com/cyndibennettconsulting/30min
We'll explore how trauma-informed career coaching can help you break isolation patterns and get the support you need to thrive professionally.

When you're ready, here are 3 ways I can help you grow your career journey:

1. Free trauma-informed career development resources from my website! Visit https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com for always up-to-date tips.
2. Ready to build a fulfilling career with trauma-informed support? Join The Resilient Career Academy Learning Community, where trauma survivors support each other, share resources, and develop career resilience in a safe, understanding environment
3. Ready for personalized trauma-informed career coaching? Explore my range of virtual coaching packages designed for different stages of your career journey. Visit my website to find the right support for where you are now. [Visit my website: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com/1-on-1-coaching]

DISCLOSURE: Some links I share might contain resources that you might find helpful. Whenever possible I use referral links, which means if you click any of the links in this video or description and make a purchase we may receive a small commission or other compensation at no cost to you.

Transcript

Stop Doing It Alone | Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide Ep 25

Cyndi: [00:00:00] Picture this, it's 2:00 AM and you're still at your desk. Desperately Googling solutions to a problem your colleague could solve in five minutes, your chest is tight, your mind is racing, and you'd rather work until you collapse, then send that one simple message: "Can you help me?"

If that hits close to home, this episode is for you because that exhaustion you're feeling. It's not a character flaw, it's a trauma response. And today we're going to talk about why going it alone is keeping you stuck, and how reaching out might be the bravest thing you ever do. I'm your host, Cyndi Bennett, and this is Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide.

Did you know that trauma impacts how we navigate our careers, but most career advice ignores this reality? Imagine feeling confident and [00:01:00] safe at work while honoring your healing journey.

Welcome to Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide, the podcast that reimagines career development for trauma survivors. I'm your host, Cyndi Bennett, a trauma survivor, turned trauma informed, career coach and founder of the Resilient Career Academy.

If you're navigating your career while honoring your healing journey, you are in the right place.

Let me paint a picture. I see all the time in my work with trauma survivors. You're at your desk staring at a project that's spiraling out of control. You know, someone on your team could help, they might even have the exact expertise you need. But instead of reaching out, you work through lunch again. You stay late researching solutions. You lose sleep replaying your mistakes, and you convince yourself you'll figure it out "tomorrow."[00:02:00] 

By the time you finally ask for help, if you ask at all, you're already in crisis mode. And even then, you apologize profusely, minimize your needs and promise you'll never ask again.

Or maybe you're an entrepreneur, staring at your business finances at 2:00 AM watching YouTube tutorials instead of hiring that bookkeeper you desperately need.

You join every Facebook group, but never actually post your questions. You tell yourself you can't afford help while you're hemorrhaging money on your mistakes. Sound familiar?

This isn't a character flaw, it's a trauma response. Here's what I need you to understand. This exhausting cycle of isolation isn't because you're difficult or just independent.

It's a trauma [00:03:00] response rooted in attachment wounds and shame. When you experience trauma, especially in relationships, your brilliant survival system learned some painful lessons. Asking for help is dangerous. Maybe when you showed vulnerability, people used it against you, or they left, or they made you feel like a burden. Your nervous system remembers revealing needs equals getting hurt.

"I'm only valuable when I'm self-sufficient." Perhaps love and acceptance. Were conditional on being low maintenance or having it together. You learn to hide your struggles to stay safe, to stay connected, to stay worthy.

" If people really knew how much I'm struggling, they'd see I'm broken." Shame whispers that your need for support is evidence of your fundamental [00:04:00] unworthiness.

These beliefs aren't truth. They're protective strategies that once kept you safe, but in your professional life, they're keeping you stuck, exhausted, and isolated.

The hidden cost of going it alone. Let's be honest about what this pattern is actually costing you.

Career-wise. You're reinventing wheels others could hand you. You're missing opportunities that require collaboration. You're burning out before you reach your potential. You are invisible because you won't advocate for yourself.

Emotionally, you're exhausted from the constant performance of competence. You're anxious about being found out as struggling. You're lonely even in offices full of people. You're resentful of others who seem to get help easily.

And relationship wise, you're not building [00:05:00] the professional connections that create opportunities. You're missing out on mentorship. You're preventing others from supporting you, which actually feels good to them, by the way.

Your trauma taught you that isolation equals safety, but in your professional life, isolation equals stagnation. It equals watching opportunities pass by while you're too busy trying to prove you don't need anyone.

What if reaching out is the strength? I know what your trauma has been telling you your whole life: that needing help is weakness, that self-sufficiency is strength.

But what if everything your trauma taught you about strength is actually backwards?

Think about it. Which actually takes more courage?

Hiding behind a mask of competence or admitting when you're [00:06:00] lost?

Keeping everyone at arms length or letting someone close enough to help you staying small and safe?

Or reaching for opportunities that require support?

 Here's the truth that might shift everything for you. Every successful person you admire, built their success on asking for help. They just don't post about it on LinkedIn. They don't mention in interviews how many times they needed guidance, support, or rescue.

That promotion you're working toward? Someone will need to advocate for you. That skill you're trying to master? Someone could teach you in hours what might take you months alone.

The real strength isn't doing it alone-- it's in having the courage to connect despite what your trauma taught you.

Recognizing your attachment wounds at [00:07:00] work. Here's something most people don't realize: the same patterns that show up in your personal relationships are running the show at work, too.

That anxious feeling when your boss doesn't respond to your email immediately? That's not just being professional, that's your attachment system scanning for signs of rejection.

The way you become absolutely unreachable when you're struggling? That's not independence, that's your nervous system defaulting to the protection strategy it learned when being vulnerable wasn't safe.

Let me break down how this shows up.

If you have anxious attachment, you over prepare before asking any question. You apologize excessively when you do ask for help. You read rejection into normal workplace boundaries.

If you lean toward avoidant attachment, you [00:08:00] pride yourself on not needing anyone. You dismiss offers of help with "I've got it, thanks." You wait until you're in crisis, before reaching out.

If you have disorganized attachment, you desperately want help but panic when it's offered. You send mixed signals about whether you want support.

Your attachment wounds don't clock out when you clock in. But once you can recognize these patterns, you can start to change them.

The permission you've been waiting for. I wonder if part of you is thinking, "yes, but I still should need help. I should be able to handle this myself."

That voice, it's not the truth. It's your trauma still trying to protect you with rules that no longer serve you.

We trauma survivors are often waiting for someone to [00:09:00] give us permission. Permission to struggle. Permission to need support. Permission to be human instead of superhuman.

So let me be that person for you today.

You are allowed to need support. Needing help doesn't make you weak-- It makes you human. Your worth isn't determined by your self- sufficiency.

The isolation your trauma taught you? It was necessary then. It kept you safe when your environment wasn't trustworthy. But you're not in that environment anymore.

You get to practice something different now.

Small steps toward reaching out. I'm not going to tell you just to put yourself out there. Your nervous system needs evidence, repeated safe experiences, that reaching out doesn't lead to the outcomes [00:10:00] your trauma predicts.

So start impossibly small. This week, try one of these micro practices.

The Information Ask: Email someone a simple question you could Google. Practice receiving help without apologizing.

The Appreciation Share: Thank someone for something specific they did that helped you. This practices connection without directly asking.

The Collaboration Reframe: Instead of, "can you help me? Try, "I'd love your perspective on this." Sometimes different language feels safer.

The Operation Practice: Notice when others ask for help and nothing bad happens to them. Your nervous system needs this evidence.

Tiny steps, repeated consistently, create the neural pathways [00:11:00] that make bigger steps possible.

Building your support system. Building professional support when you have attachment wounds looks different than the networking advice in business books.

Start with lower stakes relationships. Ask for help from people who've already shown they're safe. Begin with clear bounded requests before bigger needs.

Remember that you're not too much. Most people actually enjoy being helpful-- It feels good to support others. Your needs are normal, even if shame makes them feel enormous.

Notice and challenge your trauma stories. When shame says you're bothering them, ask yourself, is that true or is that trauma? When fear says they'll reject you, look for evidence in your current reality.[00:12:00] 

And build reciprocal relationships. Let others help you and look for ways to support them. Healthy relationships involve mutual support, not perfect self-sufficiency.

You don't have to do this alone.

Not your career growth. Not your skill development. Not your professional challenges. Not your dreams and aspirations.

The exhaustion you're feeling from carrying everything yourself? It's not a sign that you need to try harder, it's a sign that you're ready to try something different.

What if, just for today, you believe that asking for support is an act of courage, not weakness?

You've been strong enough to survive. Now it's time to be brave enough to let people support you in building the career you actually want.

[00:13:00] If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to build authentic confidence and professional support systems that honor your healing journey, I invite you to schedule a discovery call with me. The link is in the show notes. We can explore together how to get you the support you need to be successful in your career. Because transformation happens in connection, not isolation.

And I'd love to hear from you. What's one small way you could reach out for support this week? Send me messages on Instagram or LinkedIn and let me know. I see you and I'm cheering you on.

Until next time, remember, your trauma taught you to go it alone, but your future is built on having the courage to reach out.

You're not walking this path alone. Every step you take toward a trauma-wise [00:14:00] career is an act of courage, and I'm here cheering you on. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with another survivor who needs to hear this message. Together we're rewriting the rules of career success. Keep rising, keep healing, keep building.