Narcissism in the Workplace with Kimberly Weeks | Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide Ep 51

Have you ever walked into a work meeting and suddenly felt like a child again — shrinking, people-pleasing, or reacting in ways that surprised even you? You're not imagining it. Narcissistic workplace dynamics can mirror the family systems many trauma survivors grew up in, and your nervous system knows it even when your conscious mind doesn't.

In this episode, I sit down with Kimberly Weeks — narcissistic abuse recovery coach and co-founder of the Global Trauma Institute — for a deeply honest conversation about how narcissism shows up at work, why it feels so familiar, and what you can do about it while honoring your healing journey.

In this episode we explore:

• How childhood family system dynamics replay themselves in the workplace
• What narcissistic behaviors actually look like at work — and how to recognize them
• How to "gray rock" a narcissistic coworker without compromising your integrity
• The difference between repair and reconciliation — and why that distinction matters
• Reclaiming your agency and choice when you feel stuck and voiceless
• Why distance is sometimes the most professional and protective response

Timestamps:

• 01:00 Kimberly's story — narcissistic family systems and her healing journey
• 04:00 How childhood patterns replay in the workplace
• 06:00 Why trauma survivors feel like children in the boardroom
• 09:00 The Workplace Trigger Tracker tool
• 16:00 Building embodiment to catch workplace warning signs early
• 26:00 Trust has to be earned: checking the fruit of people's lives
• 31:00 Setting boundaries after a workplace blowup
• 37:00 When the other person isn't willing or able to repair
• 41:00 Narcissistic workplace systems — golden children, scapegoats, and flying monkeys
• 47:00 What narcissistic behaviors actually look like at work
• 53:00 Reclaiming what "professional" actually means
• 01:01:00 You have choices — even when it doesn't feel like it
• 01:06:00 Building new pathways through discomfort

🎁 Free Resource: Download the Workplace Trigger Tracker at https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63e8e187781752946ff2bd8d

📅 Ready to explore trauma-informed career coaching? Book a discovery call: https://calendly.com/cyndibennettconsulting/30min?month=2026-04

Connect with Kimberly Weeks:

• Website: thenarcissisticabusecoach.com
• Instagram: @iamkimberlyweeks
• Stand Firm Women's Community: DM Kimberly on Instagram

When you're ready, here are 3 ways I can help you grow your career journey:

1. Free trauma-informed career development resources from my website! Visit https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com for always up-to-date tips.
2. Ready to build a fulfilling career with trauma-informed support? Join The Resilient Career Academy Learning Community, where trauma survivors support each other, share resources, and develop career resilience in a safe, understanding environment
3. Ready for personalized trauma-informed career coaching? Explore my range of virtual coaching packages designed for different stages of your career journey. Visit my website to find the right support for where you are now. [Visit my website: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com/1-on-1-coaching]

DISCLOSURE: Some links I share might contain resources that you might find helpful. Whenever possible I use referral links, which means if you click any of the links in this video or description and make a purchase we may receive a small commission or other compensation at no cost to you.

Transcript

Cyndi: [00:00:00] Did you know that trauma impacts how we navigate our careers, but most career advice ignores this reality? Imagine feeling confident and safe at work while honoring your healing journey. Welcome to Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide, the podcast that reimagines career development for trauma survivors. I'm your host, Cyndi Bennett, a trauma survivor, turned trauma-informed career coach and founder of the Resilient Career Academy. If you're navigating your career while honoring your healing journey, you are in the right place.

Welcome back to Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide. I'm Cyndi Bennett. I'm here with my dear friend, sister and mentor, Kimberly Weeks, who is the narcissistic abuse coach. And we are here today and we're going to have a conversation about narcissism in the workplace. So I will ask Ms. Kimberly, if you would [00:01:00] just allow people to know something about you, what you feel comfortable.

Kimberly Weeks: It's a great question. There's a lot to know, I guess. But we'll start with, just for this particular audience, I have experienced narcissistic abuse from my childhood. I grew up in a narcissistic family system, in which there was a person who was an abuser and then there was also a person who was enabling that abuse in our house by staying in the environment or the relationship with that person. Because of that example, I grew up and got married to a person who was like my abuser, and had my own children and own family system grow in that same environment or kind of environment that I had when I was a child.

And, got to a breaking point, had a aha epiphany moment because my body was collapsing. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and [00:02:00] my brain was breaking. It broke. I'll say it that way. My brain broke. I literally have lesions in my brain. I was diagnosed with spinal lesions. And through that whole process, I got to the place where I could not be in that type of relational environment anymore.

I felt like I was dying. I felt like I was going to die. So, I know this is heavy to be like, I'm coming in hot and heavy, but, you know, that's my story. And so I went through the divorce process. After that, I kind of had a complete kind of nervous breakdown. My body collapsed. I lost the ability to walk and came out of that, and I was like, "What in the world just happened to me?" And went on a journey, this is where I met Cyndi, went on a journey to discover how to break the agreements and the patterns that I was raised in. And so that's kind of, you know, a little bit about me in terms of my story.

I became a coach. I became a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I helped start an [00:03:00] institute called the Global Trauma Institute, where we train practitioners. But another part of my story too is incorporating the impact of abuse and your family system dynamics on you spiritually. On your relationship with God, on how you see yourself as a person, who's made in God's image.

And so, I have a community that works through all of those dynamics called, Stand Firm for women. We help walk women through the recovery process. And that's a little bit about me. I think the most important thing is when I came out of my marriage, I started seeing all of the ways that abuse and systems of power and systems of dominance and control were showing up in my life.

Friendships, workspaces, relationships with people from my past. The family system dynamics became a lot more clear, because I wasn't clear about that. And so that's kind of what [00:04:00] happens in your journey. Once you start learning about the dynamics of narcissism and narcissistic abuse, you start to see how they get uncovered in different places in your life.

And the workspace is a very big place of that due to the fact that your livelihood's attached to it. Many of the family system dynamics you grew up in, in terms of trying to please authority figures is attached to it. And how you showed up as a child can start to replay itself in how you show up as an employee. That's where we'll start from there.

Cyndi: I see that all the time. Childhood trauma shows up in the workplace. People don't get it. The don't understand it, they don't see it. They experience it, but they don't know what it is. And so like, illuminating that for people is like, you know, helping them to see, oh, by the way, this is how you grew up. This is your Nervous System,

Kimberly Weeks: Yes.

Cyndi: It's just a well worn neural [00:05:00] network

Kimberly Weeks: It's,

Cyndi: right now.

Kimberly Weeks: yes. It's why you compete like you did with your siblings. It's why you people please, like you did with one of your parents, or both of your parents, to be seen and heard. It's why when something collapses in the environment or you have some kind of rupture, you have the flood of fear. You have the flood of being a fixer to try to fix the situation because that's the same position you were in when you were a child. You were holding everybody together by being a listening ear, by being the person that took responsibility for things, by being parentified. All of that shows up in the workplace in a very big way.

It's an opportunity for healing, but many of us are operating subconsciously from those young parts of ourselves, and we don't even know it until we have some kind of collapse.

A lot of the clients that come to me and they're dealing with workplace narcissistic abuse, feel like children in the presence of [00:06:00] authority figures, and they operate in the same way they did with their parents and feel stuck in that pattern. I don't know if that's been your experience as you've been working with people.

Cyndi: Oh yes. So much so. You go into a boardroom and you come out as a little kid with grownup clothes on.

Yes, yes.

suits,

Kimberly Weeks: Big

Cyndi: That's the picture in my mind.

Kimberly Weeks: Tom Hanks, you just like, you know, walking in the suit. Yes,

Cyndi: Yes. Big. That's what comes to my mind, right? And that happens to a lot of us. And it's surprising a lot of times, right? I mean, because we don't ever expect to get triggered. That's a big word, right? It's overused a lot of times. Right.

Kimberly Weeks: yes,

Cyndi: We can go into a meeting and all of a sudden we are knocked off of center, we're dysregulated in a meeting, and we have stuff coming out of our mouth that we would've never said.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes, yes.

Cyndi: Then we have to like, Ooh, that was not good.

I can tell you a time when I threw my [00:07:00] manager under the bus because he tried to take my idea and purport it as his own.

Kimberly Weeks: Mm-hmm.

Cyndi: And so in a very large meeting. I started asking him questions about the whole thing, and I knew he didn't know that because it wasn't his idea. Well, it's not a good career advancement strategy, right. I have a lot of lessons like this. Right. But that was a trigger response that was, oh, yeah, I'm going to show that you don't know that, and I'm going to make you look ridiculous.

Again, not good. It was a triggered response.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah. Yeah. And, and interestingly, you could actually, and I maybe you've experienced this too, you've been in a meeting and you can actually see the person transform into a very childlike state. And you can see them shrink. Their whole body like goes from being alert to just this kind of coward space and you can hear the tonality of [00:08:00] their voice shift and it sounds like a young part of that person even though you're looking at an adult body.

And so those moments often create lots of dysregulation because you're embarrassed. You don't know what just happened. It's like something just took over your body and it is a young part of you that takes over the conversation and things do come out of your mouth that you don't want and aren't consistent with what you believe.

But in that moment, your body's in survival and you think that's the best way in order for you to stay safe in that environment. Then that starts this whole gossip wheel in the workplace because other people witness that transformation for you.

And you know, often people leave those environments when you've had a blow up, when you've had those moments and they feel lots of shame. And that shame is connected to shame they felt in their childhood too.[00:09:00] 

Cyndi: That's really hard, right? So part of what I try to help people do as a career coach, is to help them create awareness of where those triggers are and what those situations are. So I have a tool that I give out for free, and it's the workplace trigger tracker. And it's just to create awareness of what's the intensity of that trigger. What was the situation, what was the intensity? Because the more intense it is, the more records of that experience you have in your database.

Kimberly Weeks: Absolutely.

Cyndi: Database of your mind. And then how do you deal with that? What is your coping strategy? You're kind of like planning ahead, because you know that these are there and you can take those triggers and you can take them to therapy and work through them and empty the balloon, if you will. And it takes away some of the power of the trigger, right? But they don't ever go away. They just kind of shrink.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah. They lessen in intensity. They lessen in frequency and they're less charged. You know, I love what you just said, because the more data is backing up [00:10:00] those experiences and those memory pathways, the more intensity it is. And so over time, as you work through and process it's not that the data's not there, it just gets filed at a different place in your brain.

Cyndi: Yeah, and you can complete that memory and put it into long-term storage.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes.

Cyndi: You don't have to carry all of that together. And it's taking up, yeah, it's taking up room in your brain. But then the pathways that you go down and the responses and reactions that you have, they're well worn neural networks. We have been on that path. We have worn out that path as children, and we know that that has been successful for us before. As children, they were adaptive.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes.

Cyndi: They were adaptive responses to very difficult, maybe dangerous, experiences and environments. But then, as we get to be adults, they're not so adaptive anymore, right? And so they become maladaptive. As we're starting to change [00:11:00] that behavior or change that response or reaction, we've got to work hard to cut trail.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah, I kind of liken it to, okay, so let's say you are invited to a. A black tie affair, and you're supposed to dress according to the occasion, right? But you go in with some sweatpants and a t-shirt, right? Like that sweatpants and t-shirt don't match the current situation. And in the same way, what was adapted for us when we were children, it's no longer needed. It's not, it's not appropriate for the new occasion.

And so for me, when I talk to folks about their survival patterns that they grew up, their trauma responses that they have were very successful. They got them where they are, they got them here, they survived those situations.

We look at, okay, so those clothes don't fit anymore. We need to, to get some new clothing for these new [00:12:00] situations. And so it's not a matter of maladaptive for me or adaptive, it's really just does this fit. Where you are in the situation, and guess what?

You may come across some people where your reaction that's charged, does fit because it's dangerous. So you don't want to not have those skills that you learned and you've perfected and have been well worn, you know what I mean? You need those. So those moments of big reaction or response can sometimes be indicators of who you're actually dealing with on the other side of the situation.

As you're working through it and because you don't have them all the time, because when we first start going through, doing our own personal work, we have big reactions to a lot of things and it doesn't necessarily match the circumstance that's present. But the more that we work through that, when we do have a big reaction, we [00:13:00] can start to see that it's because there is a person in the environment or the environment itself is actually a dangerous situation. And our nervous system is a alerting tool. It's actually queuing us to, oh, that's the same thing as that. And so, you know, it's been interesting as I've been doing my own inner work that you don't need to throw the baby out with the bath water.

I used to think the goal in healing was to be zen all the time and to like be calm and have like this regulation all the time. No, our bodies are created to help us survive, to cue us and alert us to danger. We need our body to do that in order for us to be safe at work or otherwise.

Cyndi: Yeah, let's talk about that for a second, because we were just talking about that before we came on. We were talking about how our body, we have this neuroception, right? We have this superpower [00:14:00] as trauma survivors that our nervous system is really tuned in, fine tuned into anything that looks any part of dangerous. And, and we can see trouble a mile ahead.

We are really good at risk management, knowing when something's going to blow up in a meeting with a client or a customer. We are all over that. We can see that a mile ahead. But when our nervous system is telling us that your alarm system's going off. I usually use this story of about the alarm system in your house. Your alarm's going off. The dog barks. I had a dog and I used to say, that's my nervous system. An overactive nervous system seeing people in the yard. It's just the neighbor. Now you can control that. You can say, oh, I've checked it out and I can turn off the alarm, right? But when you turn off the alarm, because you don't see the whole picture,

Kimberly Weeks: Right?

Cyndi: right?

You can get yourself into [00:15:00] trouble, which is what happened to me.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes. Yes.

Cyndi: This, this past time. Right. So I, I, I was seeing things that I didn't have the whole context for. I would see little bits of behavior, like, not being listened to, not being heard or acknowledged when I'm offering my input.

Kimberly Weeks: Sure.

Cyndi: You know, like little things like that, I hadn't seen before. I worked with this guy for nine months and I hadn't seen that in him before. And then with all the stuff that I had on my plate, I didn't have the capacity to respond to those warning signals that you get.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes, yes.

Cyndi: So talk about that. Talk about how can we be more attuned to those little things.

Kimberly Weeks: Spidey senses. Yeah, yeah. To me, you said something very powerful because one of the [00:16:00] strategies of the larger macro system globally is to have people so occupied in their minds, so busy, so needing to survive. So they have two, three jobs and kids and schedules, that they are not able to pay attention and attune to their own bodies on a regular basis.

A big part of you having wisdom in the workplace is having enough embodiment within yourself to pay attention to your surroundings. And because most people, and I will say, some people, I think it's most, but some people live a lifestyle that is so packed from the moment their eyes open to the time they go to sleep with things that they have to focus on from one thing to the next, back, back, back.

Because you don't have any margin to be [00:17:00] present in the moment, it's very easy for you not to be able to pick up the cues that your body's giving to you. Not to mention dissociation. Not to mention the fact that people are disconnected from their bodies because of all kinds of things that have happened to it. And so a big part of having wisdom in the workplace is you having a lifestyle that allows you to have enough time to slow down.

And that doesn't have to look like, oh, I spent three hours in the morning doing meditation. It could just be when I wake up in the morning, I don't touch my phone for the first 30 minutes to an hour. It could just be when I go to bed, I put my phone in another room so that I can read, so that I can listen to music, so that I can journal.

Having pockets of time where your body is able to slow down enough to be present with whatever is coming [00:18:00] up for you, thinking through your day, thinking through conversations with your kids or your spouse. Those types of things where you put into your schedule time for you to attune to your own body and your own nervous system are necessary for you to take that wisdom into the workplace.

And a lot of us, we got a lot of voices. Whether it's voices on social media, voices on YouTube, voices of people in the office, head voices, voices, voices. There's no like stillness and silence enough for you to even reflect on what is going on in your life. And those moments the moments that you are able to slow down and connect to, what am I feeling? What did I feel in that meeting? How do I feel about this relationship I have with my boss or my coworkers or the team that [00:19:00] I'm on? What's been happening? How do I feel about the work that I'm doing? These are questions that are just beautiful questions for our own reflection as to how things are going in life, and most of us are literally waking up tired and passing out at the end of the day tired.

This is why I left corporate America, and I've been blessed to be able to stay out for the last almost nine years. Because for me, I did for my body with the MS and with the inflammation, my body needed a whole reset-- a lifestyle reset. And there are spaces where I'm able to go back into more corporate work where I'm doing different things, but I do it from home.

Many trauma survivors pick up people's energy and it can shut down being able to pay attention to what's in your body, just feeling other people's energy in the space on a regular basis. It's a lot.

Cyndi: A hundred [00:20:00] percent. A hundred percent. That's why I work from home too.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes,

Cyndi: Because it can be overwhelming when your nervous system is highly tuned like that. because you pick up all the noise in the environment.

Kimberly Weeks: So it's interesting because what I'm saying is that it's very important that people are intentional. The world system is not going to give you that space. You have to take it by force.

Cyndi: 100%. Yeah. That's why I recommend like a daily presencing practice. I get up in the morning, I do my devotions, I have some prayer time in the morning, I do some journaling right before I start my day. I do the same thing at the end of the day to kind of just like, let me just dump this. Let me just dump the day with God and then I can sleep and He'll hold it

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah. Yeah. And, and it gets you into the habit of processing what you have been walking through. Instead of it stacking day after day after day, week after week after week, and then all of a sudden, you're in a [00:21:00] meeting and you have a big reaction because you haven't had time to be able to process and think about these things that have been going on.

Where you were kind of like, oh, that was weird how that person said that. Hmm. It's interesting that they left me off that email. Wonder what that's about, or, Hmm. Man, I noticed that, you know. I used to be the first person that my boss would call about X, Y, or Z, and now I'm hearing about it from other people. Hmm. I wonder what that's about? I mean, just those little things, they're registering in your body, whether you pay attention to it or not.

Cyndi: We talked about that a little bit before about noticing. I can make a career out of noticing. This is one of the top therapy skills that I have been given, is the ability to notice. Just notice without judgment, what is happening in the environment around you?

What is happening in your peer's life? What is happening in your [00:22:00] manager's life? What is happening in the project team that you're working with? What is happening for them? And I think we talked a little bit about how my peer that had this blow up with me... we're continuing the conversation from last week. This peer that had this blow up with me, looking back after that whole timeout. That whole thing was a timeout for me was like, oh, hold on, what just happened? Looking back at that, going, oh, you know, I did notice that at the time, and I dismissed it because I didn't see it in context.

I didn't see how all the dots connected. So when he got promoted to a lead, it was almost as if the power went to his head. Now, he's not working for the business partners, he's dictating to them they're allowed to do, and that is not how it works. So he got this God complex. I don't know how else [00:23:00] to say it, but that's what it looked like to me.

Like my stuff doesn't stink. And I recognize that. That is something that I recognize from my childhood and I'm like, Ooh, that feels really familiar. And me telling him, Hey, this document that we've been working off of, you haven't accounted for what the business is saying to me over the last month and a half, can you modify it? No, that was not part of our scope and we're not going to change that. It was things like that, that had not been part of our relationship at the beginning. And so it's noticing a shift in people, because for some people they're like wolves in sheep clothing. Okay. because you don't know these people when you get to work with them. How long can they maintain that behavior before some true colors start to show.

Kimberly Weeks: yes.

Cyndi: And we as trauma survivors are really in tuned that way because, I don't know about you, but it's hard [00:24:00] to trust people. It's hard to establish relationships with people as a trauma survivor, it's not one of our strong points.

Kimberly Weeks: And we should be testing out people, and we should be checking the fruit of their lives. And we should be doing all of that because a part of what happened in the Bible in the garden was there was no testing of what voices were being communicated. And so for me, even what you're saying is, it's hard to trust people, but the truth is we shouldn't be trusting people until they prove they're trustworthy.

Cyndi: Yeah, they have to earn the right, they have to earn the trust, right?

Kimberly Weeks: Correct.

Cyndi: You give people grace at the beginning. You're just meeting them. You're going to just accept them how they are. And then you're going to let their activity, their behavior, their responses, all the things about them, inform your opinion of them and inform that trust.

Like they can earn it. They can get marbles in the marble jars, Brene Brown says, right? They can earn that, and then all of a sudden you see a glaring shift. And I was like, Ooh, [00:25:00] isn't that interesting? Looking back after the whole eruption, that I took the time out because, well, I had to, right? When someone blows up at you and speaks over you in a meeting and totally disrespects you in a meeting, who's your peer, number one, it takes you by surprise, because you're not expecting that. And number two, you react. I reacted and said some things that I wasn't very proud of privately to him, which he then announced on the call.

I wasn't too proud of myself for that reaction, but also I didn't say it out loud. I was proud of that. I was like, okay, well that was a learning moment. In the past I've said things like that out loud. Now I'm, doing something private. I'm making progress, right?

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah, but you, you just said something really important. You said that you were jarred because there was this very big shift in the way the person presented after you had been having interactions with them for a long time.

Cyndi: Yeah.

Kimberly Weeks: And [00:26:00] so it's almost like on Scooby-Doo... I've got four boys, so I watch the mask comes off and you're like, oh, what? You are disoriented.

Cyndi: Yes,

Kimberly Weeks: This isn't the person I've been talking to. This isn't the person I've been having communications with. Who is this person? Because I haven't gotten a whiff of this from this person at all.

Cyndi: a hundred percent.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah. It makes perfect sense.

Cyndi: A hundred percent. And so we had to quick end that meeting. It was escalating and there was a lot of people on that meeting. I was mortified and embarrassed and all the things. And I was just humiliated on the call

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: and I was so upset. I was like, what the heck just happened?

Kimberly Weeks: right, right.

Cyndi: And then I just had to sit with it for a moment. Of course, I have a lot of good relationships there in that team. I've worked hard to establish working relationships with people, caring relationships with people in the [00:27:00] workplace. And so people that work closely with me reached out to me right away.

Are you okay? That was not okay. Because the first thing we do when something happens as trauma survivors, we say, did I do something? Did I do something wrong? What did I do? That's our first knee jerk reaction. Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep? Did I cut him off? Did I do something to create that situation?

Kimberly Weeks: Yes. You're trying to figure out like, what did I do that warranted that reaction or that behavior from that person? Of course.

Cyndi: Yeah. It was a big reaction. It was a really big reaction. And I was just stunned. And of course, I'm very emotional and thankfully I work from home, so I don't have to be on camera when I'm at work or whatever. And I was just like, Ooh, I just need to stop for a minute. The lady who's working with me got on and I was hysterical and I [00:28:00] was like, you know, I am not okay. I am not okay. And she's like, you know, let's just breathe together and maybe you can go outside and get some fresh air. It was wonderful.

It was wonderfully grounding to have somebody understand what it meant to get regulated.

Kimberly Weeks: That's so good. I'm so glad that what you experienced after that.

Cyndi: And then I pinged my boss and I said, I'm having a moment and I really need to talk to you. So I go outside. This woman, who I just talked to, works on the same floor as my boss. I love my boss. I've worked for him for 10 years. She goes to his desk. She says, this is what happened, you really need to talk to her. She's not okay. He calls me on my personal cell phone, and he is like, I just heard what happened, i'm so sorry that that happened to you. He should not be doing that. Like, all the things that you needed to really hear from a leader who's a really [00:29:00] good leader.

Kimberly Weeks: That's so good.

Cyndi: And just the people checking in on me, my business partners checking in on me saying, are you okay? I'm worried about you. Like for the two days I was just wonderfully held by the relationships that I had built with these people. And it felt so wonderful and it was like, oh yes, this is what needed as a child, when things like that happened, I needed that.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes, you.

Cyndi: And it was so reparative for me to experience that in that moment. And to have them really be concerned with me and saying, that was not your fault. You were treated badly. You were treated badly. And I didn't think I did anything wrong. But then to have that confirmation was like, okay, this is not about me. I own my reaction to that situation. I owned it. And I told them, I said, I'm not [00:30:00] innocent here, I reacted badly, but I did not initiate that.

Kimberly Weeks: Sure.

Cyndi: And so I was like, okay, now I can kind of dig out from all of that.

Kimberly Weeks: Mm-hmm.

Cyndi: You know, you were one of the first people I reached out

Kimberly Weeks: Mm-hmm.

Cyndi: After I got myself so I wasn't crying. I think I might have still been crying when I reached out to you, to be honest.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you think about childhood, if you think about experiences with the school bully or the embarrassment on the playground, those are big moments of exposure. I'm going to use that word, that mistreatment in the face of a crowd. There is a element of exposure and vulnerability in those environments. And so the fact that you we're able to reach out to people that, and advocate for yourself and speak and take the time and be held. Because a lot of people would go into a hole and [00:31:00] not let anybody into that space of that pain or that embarrassment. It's a big deal. That's very big progress. And I say he put you in survival mode and then wants to critique how you handle survival mode?

Cyndi: Here's the funny part. I think it's funny now, but after the meeting, he invited me to a meeting with all the male leaders four times with the title of the meeting "let's get on the same page," and I was like, decline, decline, decline. Here I am setting boundaries. I'm like, what you don't understand, is you don't get to talk to me right now.

Kimberly Weeks: That's right. Yeah.

Cyndi: And I felt very empowered. You are not talking to me.

Kimberly Weeks: Mm-hmm.

Cyndi: Not after what you just

Kimberly Weeks: Not without an apology. If you're coming for an apology to own your behavior, that's one thing, but if you just want to kind of smooth it over and brush it over, like, nah, we're not doing that.

Cyndi: He's going to [00:32:00] explain away everything that he did and want to blame me for why didn't I stick up for him and all the things,

Kimberly Weeks: Right. Understood.

Cyndi: oh, I, I heard that story before. Mm-hmm. No, we're not going there.

Kimberly Weeks: You know, I said to a client the other day. I said, it's a hard saying, but your presence is the agreement with that person's behavior and your absence is you saying that's not okay.

Cyndi: That was not okay. Thank you for saying that. It was beautifully said. Yes. It was not okay.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: My boss was lovely. He said, take the rest of the day off. Stay offline, take the rest of the afternoon off, go outside, get some air. If you need anything over the weekend, call me on my personal phone. It's totally fine. I love my boss. I just said I'm not ready to talk to him yet. I still have some processing that I have to do. This is part of it, right?

When I'm triggered, I don't tell my people to do things that I don't do. I have to do the same thing. And you [00:33:00] have to kind of work through it and journal it and create that awareness of what just happened. And also separate the present from the past. That's a big deal, because you have to be present. And that just triggered three of my top triggers of: not being heard, not being acknowledged, and then being embarrassed and whatever. Like those are my top triggers.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: All at one time.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah. So,

Cyndi: And you got to give it a moment and you have to say, okay, but that's not that, that's this. And we'll work on that. We'll take that to therapy. That is totally fine. But this right here, we're going to work on that.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes, yes. That's wisdom in the workplace, because here's what it is: if you are able to do that separation, okay? Yes, this reminds me of this, and some of the charge came from these past experiences, [00:34:00] so I acknowledge that,

Cyndi: Yes.

Kimberly Weeks: and this just happened in the present moment. It was not okay. And I'm not going to participate with anyone who thinks that that's an okay way to handle me in a meeting, in a setting or privately.

And so I need to figure out what languaging needs to be communicated to make that very clear moving forward. And if it happens again, what it looks like for me not to be communicating with that person.

Cyndi: Yes. I love that you just said that because that's what I feel like we've been working towards is getting into the mindset preparing for repair.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes.

Cyndi: If it's possible. It takes two people to repair.

Kimberly Weeks: Correct.

Cyndi: I'm willing to repair. But I will be able to [00:35:00] articulate my boundaries very clearly.

Kimberly Weeks: and you can repair with a person who owns their part.

Cyndi: Right,

Kimberly Weeks: You cannot repair with a person who won't own their part. Clearly. Like not this dancing around stuff where it's like we both had... no, no, no. Hey, this is what I'm owning from my behavior without apology. What are you owning from your behavior without projecting any kind of, or excusing it, in any way. Because otherwise, we can't repair. We repair requires me saying, I got this wrong, or I did this and it was wrong. And I'm asking you to forgive me, if you will forgive me. That other person doesn't have to.

Cyndi: Yeah.

Kimberly Weeks: They don't. It could just be great. I'm glad you're acknowledging that. And now I don't feel safe with you, and so I don't want to have any further interaction with you. And that's okay [00:36:00] too. That can be a repair. Repair does not mean reconciliation.

Cyndi: Yes.

Kimberly Weeks: It does not.

Cyndi: That is very important. I've had a lot of practice with repair because I mess up a lot. I've had a lot of practice doing this.

Kimberly Weeks: But that's why you're willing to, because you know what it's like to have to go back to somebody and acknowledge that you did something that was harmful. That's a wonderful thing. And I think every human being needs to be able to do that and repair and own their stuff.

Cyndi: Yeah. I give a lot of grace because I need a lot of grace. I so need a lot of grace, so I give a lot of grace. I can hold space for someone who's triggered. which he clearly was triggered. He was clearly triggered by something. I'm super curious right now [00:37:00] what was happening for him in that moment.

Kimberly Weeks: Sure. Yeah. Here's the thing, here's what's interesting, because we started the conversation talking about a lot of these dynamics that happen in the workplace come from childhood experiences or family system experiences. So when it shows up at work, there's a lot of people that, it's their choice whether they're willing to look at that stuff from their childhood.

And it may not be their desire to do that, and it may not be time for them to do that. And so then how do you then proceed in a workplace where you have to work alongside someone when what's holding back the repair is something that comes way before they knew you? And they're the ones that get to decide to look at that or not. It's literally an invitation. The triggers on both sides are an invitation to do that inner work [00:38:00] from our foundation, from the submit of our foundation.

Cyndi: That is so important, what you just said. That is so important that they have a choice whether they're going to work on it and face it or they're not.

So then talk a little bit more about how do you handle a situation where the other party either is not able to repair in the moment because they don't have the capacity or the willingness to do it or they don't want to repair.

Kimberly Weeks: This is a really good question, and it happens a lot in work environments, in friendships, in sibling dynamics. It is a capacity issue. It is also a willingness issue. I did a post a couple weeks ago and I said, distance is the new response to abuse and disrespect. Distance is the answer.

And so [00:39:00] how that can look at a work environment. There are some different ways it can look in the work environment. If someone is unwilling to own their contribution and even further, going to continue to behave in the same way, then you have to create some separation of your own. You've done your own separation from what was passed to present, but there may be a need to create some separation in that work environment and to do so with the support, hopefully of your management team.

And what that looks like is I'm no longer going to be in meetings with this person. I will do things on replay and I will do things through written communication. So there's no miscommunication of what I might be doing. I can't be smeared for something because it's in black and white, all of those types of things. There are times when people leave workplaces because of it.

Cyndi: Yes. Yes,

Kimberly Weeks: Because they don't feel safe. And the person [00:40:00] that they have had this rupture with is a direct report person or someone they have to work with alongside on a regular basis, and they do not feel safe any longer in the work environment. And so they plan their exit. But distance is what's required when there is abuse, disrespect, or someone is unwilling to take responsibility for the ways in which they impact other people in the environment.

Cyndi: Yeah, and this was an unfortunate incident, but it was between equals. Now, this stuff happens when there's a power differential and buddy you want to see fireworks. There are some serious fireworks there, especially when what happens if that was my boss that did that to me?

Kimberly Weeks: And that does happen.

Cyndi: It does happen

Kimberly Weeks: And it's the same dynamic if we go into looking at what are the comparisons between what happens in narcissistic family systems and what happens in narcissistic work systems? It's the [00:41:00] same thing. There is an authority figure in both places or authority figures. Those authority figures often create I call it, it's almost like a cult. It's like a network of people. There are golden children in the workplace, lost children in the workplace. There are goats in the workplace. There are flying monkeys and enablers in the workplace. And that keeps that system operating around that abusive person or the abusive leadership.

And so in the same way that you would do with a child who's trying to exit an abusive family system, in a work environment, you're negotiating those same terms. Let's say I'm the scapegoat in the workplace, that means every time there is an issue or an error, I'm going to get held responsible for it. Well, you're not safe in that work environment. Because people will [00:42:00] do two things: if you do well, they'll take credit for your doing well, and act like they're the ones that did it, if you do wrong or you make an error, then you're going to get dumped all of the responsibility for the error, and you'll be penalized for it.

So it's not safe to stay in that environment in the same way, it's not safe to stay connected to a family system where people in leadership or people in positions of power. The positions of power could be a golden child, as well as a parent, are allowed to behave in ways that impact other folks in that system with no consequence or accountability.

Cyndi: Yeah, let's just stay here for a second. Let's just tread water for a second, together. Because there are a lot of people who are in very toxic work environments, that have this power differential power dynamics and all the, the system that you were just talking about. But also, they need the [00:43:00] money, they need the job.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: They have the tools to really put up with some terrible stuff. They have done that their whole lives. They have put up with it, like put up with it.

Kimberly Weeks: Right.

Cyndi: How should they approach that situation, when they know there is nothing I can do to change this environment. When they get to that point,

Kimberly Weeks: yes.

Cyndi: How should they look at that?

Kimberly Weeks: There is no one answer to that because there's like lots of different factors. You could be putting up with the system, but you absolutely love the work that you do, and you absolutely love the customers you work with and you absolutely love your coworkers, but you've got this power differential and you're a target, okay? Then you have to decide... it's like opportunity costs. Is what I'm putting up with worth what I'm getting from the environment in terms of the work that I'm doing and the mission that I'm on, and the [00:44:00] friendships that I have with coworkers and network that I'm building here. You know, that's one scenario.

Another one might be, what's the toll this is taking on my body? How is this impacting how I'm able to go home to my family? There's a cost. So you've got to weigh the cost. It's not one way to look at it.

For me, because of the gift of trauma that my body had, the collapses that it did, when I assess this situation now, or a relationship, there is no cost worth my body's ability to function because I'm responsible for kids. Okay? There's no cost. So if I'm in an environment and I have become the target of people in authority, I have to go.

Cyndi: Yeah,

Kimberly Weeks: Because the cost is too great...

Cyndi: yeah.

Kimberly Weeks: for me to endure that. There are some people that can. There's a term that I use with clients called Loving Detachment. [00:45:00] They can detach from that workspace and when they done with the day, they go home and they aren't impacted with it, they're able to have the, time with their spouse and their kids or their partner or whomever, and it doesn't bleed over into that.

Cyndi: Right.

Kimberly Weeks: They don't dread Monday morning. They can put that authority figure and put their head down, do their work, and get benefit from the work that they're doing. So there's not just one answer. It's really for each person to assess what is it costing me to stay in this environment? And if it's costing you your health, your life force... what does it look like for me to plan or look at planning an exit from this space and do so over time? I do it with clients of narcissistic abuse and relationships. What's my exit plan? What's my exit strategy? You know, that exit strategy may not be leaving that workplace, but you write a book or you write a [00:46:00] film and you start selling that thing so that you make enough income to leave. I mean, it can be all kinds of different things. But what I will say is if you are in a workspace where there is a heavy narcissistic leadership dynamic, or people in leadership who are looking the other way and allowing narcissistic behaviors to happen without account, there is going to be a cost for you and it's typically going to cost you your health.

Cyndi: yeah,

Kimberly Weeks: And it's like a slow drip.

Cyndi: yeah. So tell us a little bit more, for those who maybe are not aware, tell us what some of those behaviors, those narcissistic behaviors look like in the workplace.

Kimberly Weeks: In a workplace, it looks like people who are predatory, like con men or women. These are the people that are literally not wanting to do their own work, but they want to attach to really high performing people [00:47:00] so they can take credit for and be attached to the hard work that they do. That's one of those. It's literally exploitative, opportunistic type folks. Leechy Leechy people.

It looks like people who are very grandiose in terms of their assessment of themselves and a devaluing of everyone else around them, everyone else's contributions. If they do something, it's the most, and if you do something, it's not even acknowledged or invalidated at worst.

It looks like a person who has no empathy. None. I've heard stories of people literally going to chemotherapy in the workspace and telling a direct report boss, I have chemo, and the person saying, "Well, that doesn't affect the fact that you have this report due. They don't have any empathy for your humanity in the workspace.

You could have a child have illness or pass away, or a mother or a father pass [00:48:00] away, and that manager or that director could care less. When you talk about narcissistic traits, you're talking about a person who thinks more highly of themselves, they think they're unique and special, the rules don't apply to them, but they apply to everybody else. And if anybody else steps out of line, they're going to point it out. It looks like a person with no empathy at all, looks like an exploitative person that manipulates environments to get what they want. It looks like a person who will take advantage of other people in order to look good. They'll take over someone else's work so that they are the ones that gets credit for it. And these are things you learn as a child watching that happen in your own family system.

Cyndi: Yeah.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: And so how do you, so here I am, i'm still at work. I'm still working with this guy.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: He is showing me these narcissistic, I'm going to call it tendencies, like,

Kimberly Weeks: Traits? Yeah. [00:49:00] Mm-hmm.

Cyndi: And I still have to work with...

Kimberly Weeks: mm-hmm.

Cyndi: So like, what does this look like for me going forward?

Kimberly Weeks: That's a great question. It looks like distance. And distance can look like, you get an email that's 10 pages long, I'm exaggerating, and you respond with whatever is absolutely necessary to respond. You give them very little to feed on, very little supply of your attention, energy, and effort.

You give them what's required for whatever the project is or whatever you're working on, but you do so in a very... we call it gray rocking in terms. So the gray rock is where you are very uninteresting. You're flat in your response. There's no life. You're not giving them any of your life. So they send you this, and the response is to provoke this reaction or provoke whatever, and you give them just the minimal, [00:50:00] basic, bland response.

Cyndi: I'm so happy to hear you say that. I am so happy to hear you say that because that's what I've been doing, but I'm feeling guilty, right? I am not inviting him to my meetings. Sometimes you cc your partner so that they can listen in... so not doing that.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: I am not responding to his validation requests, for me to validate him... not doing that. When he requests something, I am giving him a very concise business response. Your name at work should be treasured. A good name...

Kimberly Weeks: yes.

Cyndi: is far above rubies, the Bible says.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah 

Cyndi: My reputation at work, I don't want to come across as vindictive but also I am not going to allow someone to treat me badly, continue to get away with [00:51:00] that without consequence.

Kimberly Weeks: correct.

Cyndi: Hey, you know what, up until that point, I was willing, you want to move into leadership? Hey, I'm happy to support you. I'm happy to help you. 

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: Nope.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: Because that's not leadership to me. That is not good leadership material. And until you work on that stuff, I'm not supportive of you being a leader, because I would not want to work for you.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah. Yeah. What it does, what you're doing is you're teaching people how to treat you.

Cyndi: Ooh, that's good...

Kimberly Weeks: you're teaching...

Cyndi: Say more.

Kimberly Weeks: people how to treat you. When a person behaves badly and doesn't take ownership of it, it's wisdom for you to move away from that person and protect your heart. The Bible says guard your heart with all diligence, because from it flows the issues of life.

You are guarding your time, your attention, your energy, your heart, because that energy has to be put into something that's going to yield a return that's good for you. And having these atmospheres [00:52:00] with this person who hasn't taken responsibility for themselves depletes your energy. It's not life giving.

Cyndi: Yeah.

Kimberly Weeks: So that's not vindictive, that's wisdom. It's good stewardship of your personhood.

Cyndi: To me it's been very freeing.

Kimberly Weeks: Mm-hmm.

Cyndi: Because I'm focusing on the work. I have the relationships. After that whole event, I went one by one to my business partners and apologized that they had to experience that, because it blows sideways.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: And that's secondary trauma when you have to see that. And it can impact your relationships. And so I, went back on purpose to each one of them and said, I'm sorry that you had to observe that, experience that. That was really very unprofessional. Now, I didn't take responsibility for initiating it, but I was very sorry that they had to experience that.

Kimberly Weeks: Can we sit with this [00:53:00] unprofessional? Because often, it's almost like professionalism, what's behind being professional, is perfection, not human.

Cyndi: That's really good.

Kimberly Weeks: You know what I'm saying?

Cyndi: It's putting on the mask. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good.

Kimberly Weeks: I'm sitting with it because when people say, I didn't show up in a professional way, they're actually saying is, I didn't show up perfectly in that situation.

I really sat with this concept of professionalism because often professionalism means a perfect robot and you responded with just this perfect response without any [00:54:00] emotion, without any humanity. It is almost like the pc way that we're told we're supposed to respond in situations, removes our humanity from the conversation.

Cyndi: That is so powerful. That is so powerful. I'm just going to receive that right now and let it sink, sift. Because that is something that the business partner said to me. We're all human. We're all human. We all don't show up the way that we want to show up at times.

Kimberly Weeks: Yeah.

Cyndi: And that's permission. It's permission to be infallible.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes. Yes. And that be the normalized part. We don't want to make work spaces inhumane, like we're not supposed to be a human being in that space in the name of what? What's the end goal of you being professional? I think we need to reclaim that word. Being professional includes your humanity.[00:55:00] 

Cyndi: Yeah. You're allowed to mess up as long as you take responsibility for it.

Kimberly Weeks: Correct. That's what's not professional. If you want to talk about what's not professional. What's not professional is someone doing harm in the workplace and thinking that they can get away with it and not take responsibility for it.

Cyndi: Yeah. That's not cool.

Kimberly Weeks: Let's reclaim that word, that that is what it actually means to be unprofessional in a space, is to do harm to your coworkers or your business partners, or your customers or your clients, and not take responsibility for it.

Cyndi: Yeah, that, that word being unprofessional is starting to come up for me right now because the whole context of that situation was, he was doing something unprofessional, like talking over me. Even though I stopped a couple times to like, maybe I jumped in too soon. But no, it was, it was definitely him doing that three times in a row. [00:56:00] And a peer of mine who I respect greatly said, "Hey guys, this is unprofessional." And at that point in time is when I sent him that little note, which he then read to everybody outside and said, "Cyndi, you can't tell me to shut the hell up. That's unprofessional." So he projected that onto me in front of everybody. That's why I was humiliated.

Kimberly Weeks: Wow.

Cyndi: So I'm like click. It's time for that meeting to be over.

Kimberly Weeks: Wow.

Cyndi: But that whole projection stuff...

Kimberly Weeks: hmm.

Cyndi: I've lived in that space. I've lived in that space where leader's stuff doesn't stink.

Kimberly Weeks: That's a sign. Narcissistic system at work.

Cyndi: And everything is your fault. And you're the one who messed. But they don't make any messes or they are perfect. Their stuff doesn't stink. So that's like...

Kimberly Weeks: yes, I know.

Cyndi: right.

Kimberly Weeks: [00:57:00] Take a breath on that

Cyndi: Take a breath together.

Kimberly Weeks: Because what you're talking about is the same dynamic of what happens in narcissistic families where the parent never apologizes or owns what they've done, but the child or children are held accountable when they make a mistake.

Cyndi: Yeah.

Kimberly Weeks: And it mirrors it perfectly in the workspace and we are seeing it globally in governments and systems, where people are being hunted down and thrown in prison and taken out of the country for doing certain things against the law while people in power regular

Cyndi: Doing things against the law. Yeah. like, it's so hypocritical. Right.

Kimberly Weeks: yeah.

Cyndi: So now Kimberly, I have this guy that I have to work with

Kimberly Weeks: Mm-hmm.

Cyndi: And I usually take [00:58:00] responsibility for these things, right? Well, I'm usually a fault. Let me just say it that, just own that. It's usually me. Now I'm sitting with this and I did not initiate this, or, start this. I'm willing, but I'm not sure that I want to say, let me know when you're ready to talk about that. That's what I was thinking about doing and I'm not sure if I really want to do that right? But maybe, yes, because maybe it's an olive branch. Maybe it's me saying I'm now willing to talk about what happened last week. It'll be two weeks. This'll be the second week. But when he came back, he didn't seek out, Hey, let's talk about what just happened. He didn't do that. So I'm curious, do you think that's a good strategy? My advisor?

Kimberly Weeks: Do you feel safe to have the conversation?

Cyndi: Yeah. I do feel safe. And I feel regulated.

Kimberly Weeks: Okay.

Cyndi: And I felt very [00:59:00] supported and also validated from my leadership and all my business partners. So I feel that security in those relationships that enables me to have that, Hey, let's talk about that, because that was not okay.

Kimberly Weeks: Do you feel the need to have a witness?

Cyndi: That's a great question. I mean mm-hmm.

Kimberly Weeks: I mean,

Cyndi: Sorry. God is my witness. All the, always, but also

Kimberly Weeks: of course, God is going to be there, but what I mean is, based on this person's behavior, would it be beneficial to you to have a third party in this space as a witness to the conversation.

Cyndi: I kind of feel like that. Now my boss and his peer leader, I mean, the other guy who's a leader over both of us, talked to [01:00:00] him together. So they said that's not okay. So they had that conversation with him. And I just turned it over, I surrendered and I said, okay, you guys handle that. I'm not doing that.

But I'm curious about maybe asking my boss, how do you think I should handle this? Would it be helpful for... we have to work together, so I want to make sure that he knows that that's not acceptable. You're not going to treat me that way.

Kimberly Weeks: Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think a conversation with your boss would be great.

Cyndi: Yeah.

Kimberly Weeks: I also think that you get to decide if you do that with someone present or whether you do it one-on-one. It's what your nervous system needs to repair.

Cyndi: Yes. I like that. I knew there's a reason I had to talk to you.

Kimberly Weeks: Because think about it, there are things in your childhood, you didn't get a choice...

Cyndi: yes.

Kimberly Weeks: in these [01:01:00] circumstances and now you have a choice in these circumstances.

Cyndi: You know what? We're learning all about choice in therapy. It's a wonderful thing.

Kimberly Weeks: It is. It is a wonderful thing. I remember when I was coming out of my marriage, that was what was echoing in my heart and my mind. I have choices. I'm not stuck. I'm not in a place where I don't have any authority or any agency over what's happening to me. I can choose my way into safety. I can choose my way into freedom. I'm not at the mercy of this person.

Cyndi: Yes. And that stay there. Right there. Just stay right there, right now because I hear that so often from my folks. I'm stuck. I can't move and as trauma survivors, I get that. We feel like because we're our younger selves. In that moment, we feel stuck. We [01:02:00] feel like we don't have agency. We feel like we don't have choice. We feel like we don't have a voice. How do you get free from that? Because that's a very habitual way of thinking. It's also meant to keep us safe.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes. And getting free. The first part of it is just acknowledging that's what's coming up. Ooh, I'm having that constricted feeling again, that frozen feeling again, and the accompanying messaging. I'm hearing on the inside, I feel stuck. I feel lost. I feel trapped. I don't feel like I have a choice.

You talk about noticing... just being aware that that sense is happening in your body again, and that the accompanying thoughts attached to that sense are present. A big part is just acknowledging and bringing into your conscious awareness that that's happening in the [01:03:00] situation.

Cyndi: Yeah. That is so good. That is so powerful. 

Kimberly Weeks: A lot of power in just being aware that that's the tape that's running on the inside.

Cyndi: Yeah. And it's been interesting because I have been becoming aware that when I acknowledge what's happening in my head or what's happening in my body, and I say it out loud.

Kimberly Weeks: Yes.

Cyndi: I hear it. I hear you. I hear what you're saying. This is what you're saying. I hear you. And your body speaks to you. You get this pain in your head, you get this headache for a week or whatever, and really your body's like, what is that pain trying to tell you?

Kimberly Weeks: Yes, yes, yes. Or what is the fact that I haven't got out of bed all weekend trying to tell me?

Cyndi: It's communication.

Kimberly Weeks: It is. It's data. It's communication. It's also [01:04:00] memory.

Cyndi: Yes. Because it lives in your body for sure.

Kimberly Weeks: So if you pair the awareness and the noticing with, I have choices..

Cyndi: Hmm.

Kimberly Weeks: ...so you can slow down to take care of your nervous system and your body with that awareness, you can actually move in a different direction, even though it feels uncomfortable.

Cyndi: Because you've slowed down enough for your frontal cortex to come back online.

Kimberly Weeks: Correct. Correct.

Cyndi: And then you can continue to move forward because you do have the ability to choose at that point, but not when you're dysregulated.

Kimberly Weeks: Correct. And it will feel uncomfortable. This is interesting because I had just had to do this in a business situation. It will feel like I'm not supposed to be doing this because your [01:05:00] innate response is to shrink, not move. So it will feel uncomfortable, but you can still do it in the discomfort.

You can still have your brain come back online, assess the different choices that you have and move in that discomfort. And that practice over time, going back to that charge being intense, will make it easier and easier each time you have those somatic imprints come up, the memories come up, the messaging attached to it come up. It will make it easier and more quick to move through that feeling of, I'm trapped. You'll be able to move through it quicker and quicker each time.

Cyndi: Yeah, because you're expanding your window of tolerance.

Kimberly Weeks: That's correct.

Cyndi: You're dipping your toes in. You're expanding your capability to sit with the discomfort, and you're continuing to move forward. So that is so powerful.

Kimberly Weeks: And that movement is building a new [01:06:00] pathway.

Cyndi: It is. It's like cutting trail, but it takes work. It takes effort, sweat equity. 

Kimberly Weeks: This is the inner work of that healing and repair. The repair can happen with the person that you have the situation with, but there is a repair internally that you'll be doing simultaneously. Because you don't have to wait for that person to act right to do that inner repair.

Cyndi: Yeah. That's awesome. This was so helpful. What else would you like folks to know about you? How can they get in touch with you if they want to work with you?

Kimberly Weeks: So, if someone wants to work with me, you can do a couple of things. You can go to my website, which is the narcissistic abuse coach.com. You can go to my Instagram and my Instagram is Instagram @ I am Kimberly Weeks. Send me a dm, let me know you want to work on something in the workplace. It could be a personal relationship, it could be something with your family system. It could be a parent [01:07:00] or a sibling relationship. I have been working with a lot of sibling relationships lately too.

But those are the ways that you can reach me. And if you're interested in healing and community with a women, I have a women's group, it's called Stand Firm. It's for people who have dealt with narcissistic abuse in many different ways. The workplace is one of them as well. You can send me a message and say, I'm interested in stand firm, and we'll go from there.

Cyndi: Awesome. And tell them more about Global Trauma Institute.

Kimberly Weeks: Oh, yes, absolutely.

Cyndi: Let me give you a little opportunity to plug that. 

Kimberly Weeks: Yes, yes. And also I teach a course, I teach a couple of courses, but I'm a co-founder of an institute called the Global Trauma Institute, where we are building an army of trauma care practitioners who are from all kinds of different backgrounds, working on specific areas of trauma recovery.

We have people who work with people who are going through grief and loss, people who are working with family system dynamics, people who are working with people who are narcissistic abuse survivors, people [01:08:00] who are wanting to deal with the parts of themselves that were fragmented because of their childhood experiences.

So all of those things are available. I teach a course in it called Narcissistic Abuse Practitioner course. I'm in the middle of my semester now, but I'll be teaching it again in the fall. Or you can join us for our initial course, which is the certified Trauma Care Practitioner course in the fall as it will start in September.

And I'm so excited about it because we're growing and there are people all over the world that are joining us. And we support our practitioners. We meet with them every single week in what we call group consultation, which is a supervision group where you can bring cases of your clients as you're working together and get support because we all need to continue to be supported, even though we are working with trauma survivors, and we need to continue to do our own internal work, as well.

Cyndi: I'm so glad that you were able to join us. Thank you for joining us for Your Trauma-Wise Career Guide. We thank you so much, Kimberly, and hopefully, you'll have [01:09:00] a lot of people reaching out to contact you.

You're not walking this path alone. Every step you take toward a trauma-wise career is an act of courage, and I'm here cheering you on. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with another survivor who needs to hear this message. Together we're rewriting the rules of career success. Keep rising, keep healing, keep building.