The Morning Brew with Chris Bennett

Fake Chest Hair, Jerk Court Drama & Redneck Dog Trivia

• Chris Bennett • Episode 139

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🎙 The Morning Brew with Chris Bennett & Best Friends – “Dog Days, Jerk Court & Fake Chest Hair”

It’s a wild Wednesday on The Morning Brew! Chris Bennett and Jineane Ford kick off the show with a new “Am I the Jerk?” Court Case that’ll have you shouting verdicts from your car, plus a round of Trash or Treasure to give away tickets to Chris Bennett Comedy Presents: The Best of Phoenix Stand-Up Comedy Showcase — happening Saturday, November 1st at 6:30 PM at the Show Low Elks Lodge (get your tickets now at ChrisBennettComedy.com  🎟️)

Big thanks to Mountain Mobile Auto Glass & Tint for the ticket giveaways!

Then things get hairy — literally — when Chris confesses to his weirdest online purchase yet: fake chest hair for his upcoming Robin Williams tribute in The Dead Comedians Show (Oct 28–30 across the Valley). 🧔💨 

Everyone’s favorite redneck, Paul from Beaumont, calls in for some ruff competition with a Dog Trivia “Are You Smarter Than a Redneck” Edition for Make a Dog’s Day. Let’s just say… Paul’s tail got tucked on that one. 🐾😂

But of course, Paul fires shots at regular caller Kirk Nurmi, who calls in from the gym to defend himself — so naturally, we throw Kirk into a Healthy or Hype wellness challenge for Long Health Day.

It’s laughter, chaos, and community at its best — all served with coffee, comedy, and Chris’s signature best-friend energy. ☕️🎧

🎟️ Get your tickets to the Nov. 1st Comedy Showcase now at ChrisBennettComedy.com

SPEAKER_01:

From the Horn Auto Center Studios, Chris Bennett and the Morning Brew. All rise, it's now time for Am I the Jerk Court, the Honorable. Janine Ford presides. Janine, you got your robe and wig on.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I love being called honorable. No, just kidding.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, uh, Janine, I'll read the uh court case, and when we come back, we'll get your ruling on whether they are a jerk or not. Uh, this guy wants to know if he's a jerk for trying to stop his wife from fighting random people in public. Here's the story. What? Yes. Here you go. A few days ago, I, 36-year-old male and my wife, 30, were out shopping for groceries. I stopped the cart to talk with the guy at the deli counter and didn't notice that I was blocking the way. And then I noticed two women behind me. I moved the cart, I apologized, and they said something I didn't hear, but my wife heard it and responded angrily. Oh, both the women and my wife and them were throwing insults back and forth at each other. Now, I don't like conflict, so I tried to defuse the situation by saying to my wife, honey, let's just drop it and go home. My wife then exploded and took her anger out on me, calling me all manner of things like idiot and jerk and saying things like, Don't you dare try to stop me again. Honestly, I was taken aback by her reaction and I just shut down, nodding and getting quiet. Afterwards, she did apologize uh for what she said, and I accepted it, of course, because I love my wife and maybe thought that I embarrassed her by trying to stop her. But was I the jerk for trying to stop my wife from fighting random people in the supermarket?

SPEAKER_00:

He's absolutely not the jerk. She's the jerk. She needs to, she needs some self-control. And uh, you know, the bad part about this is he's already married to her. He he probably should have seen some signs ahead of time, you know. But I suggest they maybe go to a little counseling because she's gonna continue with this without having self-control. And just having that little hot, hot temper and getting into it with other people. Uh the the danger is too, is that that that could draw him into it, and it's it's just not a good look. And if they have kids not good in front of kids, she just needs some counseling or something. She needs to chill.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, no way I could be with somebody like that. I hate confrontation. So and then it wasn't nice for her to yell at him. He was just trying to help the situation.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, he exactly. No, he is not the jerk. She's the jerk, and she she needs to maybe have some counseling, something where I don't know, maybe there's a little issue there, maybe she's bipolar, something, but when uh people don't have enough self-control these days to show grace and have, again, self-control. Somebody, somebody just, you know, didn't she didn't learn that before she was three or four when you're supposed to get that message, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Have you ever uh gotten into a fight?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm really, really um super, super chill on that. I I'll get into, I mean, no, I have not been in a fight. Just to answer. I don't think so. I I but I'm with my words and certain things. I'm just there there's an old, old, old book. And it was it was called I'm okay, you're okay. And it's it gives some great lessons in there on uh gosh, I'm sorry you feel that way. I you know, to disfuse situations, but then I can be pretty bitey, admittedly, with my words, probably when certain things have come up. I've I prefer to kind of, you know, get somebody with my words calmly. And very calm, very calm, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

You're a black belt with your words.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm more like I'm more like that. My my mom was wicked good at it. She could say something that would crawl up and down the people's back for like three weeks, and she'd just say it calmly with a smile on her face. You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh well, Janine, thank you so much for being our judge in the case of Am I the Jerk for trying to stop my wife from fighting random people. Janine says, No, you are not. We love you, best friend. Love you too. Have a good one. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Good morning. It's the morning brew with Chris. You are first caller. Who's this? Kendra. Kendra, holy moly. You calling to win two tickets? Compliments of Mountain Mobile Autoglass and Tint to our comedy show, November 1st. Yes, I am. Heck yeah. Well, all you have to do is play a little game with me. Today is Clean Up the Earth Day. So we're gonna play a game called Trash or Treasure. You gotta get uh uh two right. Does that two out of five? Is that fair? Yeah. All right, here we go. Uh first question Tell me which one is the treasure. Three of these are trash, one's treasure. During a thrift shop donation sort, these were all in one box. Which one is the treasure? A stack of old cookbooks, a jar full of buttons, a hand-painted cereal bowl, or a collection of vented postcards. I'm gonna see the postcards. Holy moly, way to go. There you go, you're halfway there.$8,000, a box of 1910 baseball postcards with early player photos sold at auction. Oh, wow. All right, next one. A City Park cleanup crew found these. Which one is the treasure? A broken fishing pole, a mud-covered join uh jar, or a pair of sunglasses or a rusted lunchbox.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna go with the lunchbox.

SPEAKER_01:

Dude, holy moly, you needed two, right? You only needed two questions. That is right. The lunchbox was worth$23,000. It was a 1954 Superman metal lunchbox in good shape and one of the rarest collectible lunchboxes ever made. And uh, you won something rare too, there, uh, Kendra. You won two tickets, compliments, and Mountain Mobile Autoglass to our comedy show, November 1st. The best of Phoenix stand-up comedy showcase, 21 and over. If you weren't as lucky as Kendra, you could get your tickets at Chris Bennettcomedy.com. Only 10 VIP tickets left, and general mission tickets are$20. What station hooked you up? Two Country 92.5. You know it.

unknown:

Woo!

SPEAKER_03:

That's Bob Vlog!

SPEAKER_01:

Heck yeah, everyone's favorite redneck Paul from Beaumont, Texas on this hump day. Uh, Paul, I uh bought something on the internet uh yesterday, probably the weirdest thing uh I have ever purchased. Do you have any uh guesses on what I might have uh purchased online yesterday?

SPEAKER_03:

Man, with you, the sky's the limit.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. I I bought I bought fake chest hair.

SPEAKER_03:

That's a thing.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Fake chest hair and fake arm hair. It's for my Robin Williams uh costume that I'll be doing. I'm doing Robin Williams stand-up uh next week down in the valley, uh Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And he was hairy, and I'm not as hairy. So uh I went online and uh they they have fake hair for everything, dude, not just for the chest or arms, if you know what I mean. What's the weirdest thing that you've ever purchased online?

SPEAKER_03:

I don't really buy things online, to be honest. I'll I'll uh I'm I'm one of those type person uh I don't like waiting.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Well you you live near a big city too, so you don't necessarily have to wait. But you when you live in a small town, sometimes, you know, we don't there's not a lot of stores here in the White Mountains, I don't think, that sell fake chest hair.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be a that'd be a rough one. That'd be a rough one. But you I mean, I don't even know where to get fake chest hair around here.

SPEAKER_01:

Just Google it. Uh dude, uh, you feeling pretty smart this morning?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I'm feeling pretty smart, dude. Heck yeah. It's Wednesday. We're halfway there. Let's do this.

SPEAKER_01:

It is now time for Are You Smarter Than a Redneck? And today, Paul, is Make a Dog's Day. So we're gonna do some dog trivia. You ready?

SPEAKER_03:

Let's do this, all right.

SPEAKER_01:

How many? How many teeth does an adult dog have? Is it 24, 32, 42, or 50? Chris, I'm gonna say 32. No, it is not 32. Paul, what's your guess?

SPEAKER_03:

24? Did you say 24?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, yeah, that was an option, and you were wrong. Correct answer 42. Holy moly, they have a lot of teeth. Yeah. Uh next question. What's the average body temperature of a healthy dog? Is it 97, 98.6, 101 to 102.5, or 104? Chris. I'm gonna say 97. No, Paul, what's your guess? 98. 98? Holy moly! Uh, this might be the second day that uh you and I tie. We both got it wrong. Correct answer: 101 to 102.5. I didn't realize they were so hot.

SPEAKER_03:

I didn't either.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, we're gonna go. We're in sudden death. Whoever gets the next answer right is the winner. What's the smallest dog breed in the world? Is it Toy Poodle, Pomeranian, Chihuahua, or Yorkshire Terrier? Paul. Paul. Uh Pomeranian? Is it Pomeranian? No, I'm gonna say Yorkshire Terrier. No, correct answer, Chihuahua. We move on to one more sudden death round. Keep going, keep going. Keep going. We keep going. Losers will be losers. What color are most newborn puppies when they're born? A, they're born blind and colorless. B, their coat color is already visible. C, always black, or D, always white. Chris, I'm gonna say their coat color is already visible. Boom! I am smarter than a redneck. Rough, rough. Woo!

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that was rough.

SPEAKER_01:

That was rough. Paul, thanks so much for calling, having fun with us, bud, and drive safe. We'll talk to you soon.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, yeah, man. You know, sometimes it's just a rough day. That was rougher than going to court knowing Kurt and Ermy's your attorney.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh. You guys need to stop picking on each other. But he does start it, and uh, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, God, I'd hate to go to court and he'd be my public defender. Oh goodness.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh all right, buddy. We love you. Talk to you later. All right. Good morning. It's the morning brew with Chris. Who's this?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, good morning. This is Paul Bateau's former attorney, Kirk Nermey.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, Kirk Nerme. Paul from Beaumont was just talking about you. You guys uh uh have a little love-hate relationship. You love to uh uh jab each other, and he gave you a jab today. Uh uh are you calling to defend yourself?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I don't know why he's mad, man. He could have got years of prison on that case. I got him probation, electronic monitoring, and registration. Just keep it current. Everything's gonna be good for all.

SPEAKER_01:

What uh what uh what were you defending uh Paul from Beaumont for?

SPEAKER_02:

I I don't I don't want to go into that. It's it's you know, it's murky. It's murky.

SPEAKER_01:

So are you uh calling us from the gym right now?

SPEAKER_02:

I am. I had to step off the treadmill to uh defend myself from this uh frivolous attack.

SPEAKER_01:

Heck yeah. You're uh you're doing it the old-fashioned way. Uh are you jealous of people like Paul that uh take the shot instead of go work out and eat healthy?

SPEAKER_02:

No, man. Uh it's all about the journey, and uh he wants to skip it. He's a little snowflake, he can't quite handle it. So, you know, he has his ways.

SPEAKER_01:

All of a snowflake. Anything new and juicy from uh our friend Kirk Nermi?

SPEAKER_02:

No, man, just love and life. Loving life.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, it's uh great you called me because today is long health day, and you are working on uh having long health. You've kind of turned your life around, right?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you know, when cancer came into my life and I decided to make the choice to go into the chemo chair, one of the things I did is really take a look at my life and how I was living it, and promised myself I wasn't gonna live my remaining days the way I had my prior. And I revamped my whole life, made happiness my beacon, and and that really changed everything.

SPEAKER_01:

Heck yeah. Well, uh, before I let you go, real quick, let's play a game called Healthy or Hype. See how healthy you really are. Tell me if these things are healthy or hype. Drinking charcoal lemonade for detoxing. Uh hype. How did you know that? Have you tried it before?

SPEAKER_02:

I I just I don't know how I knew it. I know, no, I've never tried that before. A lot of most things are hype. Yeah, and I wouldn't say that's hype.

SPEAKER_01:

And everyone does it on Instagram, so they think it's good for you, but it uh can actually block nutrient absorption. Uh, what about walking backwards to improve balance and coordination?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh I think that's probably gonna be hype too.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh what? Oh no, you're wrong. That's healthy. It's a real thing. Physical therapy, it strengthens your knees and improves stability. And uh last one, uh putting b butter in your coffee for energy and weight loss.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, uh, I think that's hype. I mean, I know a lot of people do that with uh keto and related diets, the high fat diets, but uh that's never been something that I think is is really true.

SPEAKER_01:

Heck yeah. Well, this has been Kirk Nermi on this uh what day is it? It's long uh long health day. Thanks so much for calling in to defend yourself and uh keep uh working out and being healthy, best friend.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and uh have a great day, Paul.

SPEAKER_01:

See ya, best friend.

Contributor

Chris Bennett

Host