Release That Pelvic Floor 😂 | Am I the Jerk Court

On today’s episode of The Morning Brew with Chris Bennett and Best Friends, things get weird FAST. 😂

Jineane Ford joins us for Am I the Jerk Court as we debate whether sitting on public toilet seats is actually disgusting… or if hovering is the real problem for your pelvic floor. 🚽

Plus:
🧅 A family argument erupts after someone secretly cooks with onions because their sister-in-law says onions are “too spicy”
💰 We celebrate Be a Millionaire Day with Real Millionaire Purchase or Fake Millionaire Purchase
😂 Producer Ryan McKee joins the show
🚒 JD Pepper from the Timber Mesa Fire Department stops by with an important Fire Marshal Minute on Stage One fire restrictions

Grab your coffee, best friend, and enjoy today’s episode of The Morning Brew with Chris Bennett and Best Friends!

And remember… be nice to yourself, be nice to others, and don’t be a jerk.

Transcript

Public Toilet Seat Debate

SPEAKER_02 0:00

In the case of Am I the Jerk for sitting on public toilet seats and not telling my boyfriend Janine says, no, no, you're not the jerk. You're not, and hovering is not good for you. So sit down and release that pelvic floor.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

But there are releases.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Well, apparently hovering over public toilet seats is bad for your pelvic floor. Hello, best friends. It's me, Chris Bennett, and today's podcast gets a little ridiculous. We've got some juicy Am I the Jerk court cases, including the public toilet debate you just heard, and a family argument over whether onions are too spicy. Plus, producer Ryan McKee joins the show. We play real millionaire purchase or fake millionaire purchase for Be a Millionaire Day, and JD Pepper from the Timber Mesa Fire Department stops by with an important fire marshal minute on the new stage one fire restrictions. Grab your coffee, best friends. Let's get the show started. Chris Bennett and the morning brew. All right, it's now time for Am I the Jerk Court? Today, the Honorable Janine Ford presides. You ready, Judge?

SPEAKER_01 1:08

I guess so.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

I got a juicy case for you today. Okay. Am I the jerk for sitting on public toilet seats and not telling my boyfriend? What? Yeah, here's the story. So apparently I've been doing something disgusting my entire adult life and I didn't even know it. Whenever I use a public restroom, like at a restaurant, gas station, or even a porta potty, if the toilet seat looks clean, I sit down. If there's a little mess on the seat, I wipe it first, then sit down. Well, my boyfriend of three years just found this out and he is horrified. He says public toilet seats are disgusting. And now he can't stop thinking about all the germs I've apparently brought home over the years. He says everyone should hover over the public toilet seats instead of sitting down. I asked some friends, and now they think I'm gross too. But honestly, I think sitting down was normal. Am I the jerk for sitting on public toilet seats? What say you?

SPEAKER_01 2:11

This is just really wow. Yeah, uh, you know, it's it's interesting because that is that's something that's always just and they do have the papers that you can pull out. Um I've I've also ha had some of those in my purse before. That's always nice to keep as an emergency. Yeah, the little papers. Uh-huh. Just gr I I I've grabbed a couple extra like when I see them. You know, that kind of thing. You can also order them online. But a large percentage of women, it says here, because I looked this up, I was just wondering, like, it's something that we just don't always talk about, ranging from uh like 25 to 85 percent in various studies practice the hover method, of course, right? Right. And that is a good one. The only problem with the hover method is they say it's much more, you know, messy. Um, it it prevents the pelvic floor muscles from relaxing. It can lead to bladder emptying problems like bladder infections and stuff like that. Yeah. And then the clean cleanliness reality, here's the reality. Experts in many studies have said catching sexually transmitted infections or diseases from a toilet seat is highly unlikely. Bacteria requires direct content with broken skin or all that kind of stuff, okay? Okay. And so the other problem is that if you're hovering, you are spreading a lot more germs and junk, they do say. But the hovering I like, the only hard part is that as you're as you get a little older, it says here, and you're you can't do the hover method because your thighs just will not hold up, right? Right. So yeah. Yeah. So but hovering can lead to big problems too. So basically what we're all saying here, ladies, is uh get those little covers, you know, the little covers you carry. Covers. Or like And they have them in tons of bathrooms. Most bathrooms do have them.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

And if they don't have them, sometimes I'll put like uh obviously I don't sit down to pee. Toilet paper. Toilet paper, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Yes, you that we've all done the layering toilet paper method on both sides. And then you just have to make sure it's not stuck to the back of your pants or something when you lay it.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Yeah, there you go. But it's not as gross as uh you would think, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Yeah, it says yeah, and there and there are big problems with the hovering thing too. But we, you know, we I think most people use the hovering deal and then uh try to clean up after yourself.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Yeah, you know, uh be a sweetie and wipe the CD.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Yeah, and it's also nice to carry one of those little portable the the wipes in your purse, right? Yes, always smart.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Perfect. All right, in the case of Am I the Jerk for sitting on public toilet seats and not telling my boyfriend Janine says, no, no, you're not the jerk. You're not and hovering is not good for you. So sit down and release that pelvic floor.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

But there are release that pelvic floor. And there are ways around that you can, yeah, not be sitting but sitting sterily. Just, you know, tell them you're carrying the little thingies with you. Little little uh yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

All right, we always cover the hard-hitting news on uh magic and Q country. So that's what we go. Thanks so much, best friend. Have a great day. Good morning. It's the morning brew with Chris. Who's this? Bam, bam, bam, bam. It's producer Ryan McKee. Heck yeah, from Wilmington, North Carolina. We're international this morning. Uh producer Ryan lives with his uh 22-year-old roommate, and uh his 22-year-old roommate's girlfriend supposedly uh recently uh moved in. How's that been going?

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Well, she paid rent this month, but has barely been around. Her and Joey had gotten into a fight. Oh no. But I guess they've made up now. Everything's cool, but also she hasn't been staying with us very much, so I don't know if it's me. Me walking around with my shirt off. In your tidy whities. Maybe because Frida bit her too often. Is that true? Your dog bit her? Uh oh, my dog bites everybody. But you know, she doesn't uh draw blood. She just uh lets people know what's up when they try to bend down a bit to pick her up or pet her. Yeah, I mean she's not feeling it.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

She's a s she's an old dog, she doesn't have many teeth left, so she can't do much.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

No, she is a a four-pound geriatric chihuahua, so she's not too intimidating.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

And then uh you are uh single. Your therapist told you to be dating yourself. How's that been going?

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Uh it's been going horrible, Chris. Oh no. Met a woman at a comedy show. I just can't stop meeting women at comedy shows. They hear me perform and they're like, I want this, ma'am. And so she she actually owns my favorite diner in town, which is like bonus, right? Oh, nice. So I've seen her twice, and I know the Facebook Live people are gonna judge me for this, but guess what? What? I'm doing my best.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

And also, uh, Ryan and I have both been uh making efforts to be more active on social media, and if uh you're interested in seeing his 22-year-old roommate, you guys have been making a lot of content online, so they could check you out at Ryan McKee, right?

SPEAKER_03 7:26

Uh what's your check me out on Instagram at Ryan McKee, on Facebook at the Ryan McKee.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

We are on the phone with our best friend Ryan McKee, who uh actually graduated uh Payson High School, class of 97, and we'll be uh headlining a comedy show in Payson at the uh movie theaters down there in August, right?

SPEAKER_03 7:50

August 15th at the Sawmill Theater. It's gonna be a hundred seats. I'll be headlining Chris Bennett will be the feature act in 25 minutes. So if you're mad that you see Chris at comedy shows and in Sholo and he doesn't do enough time, this is a perfect opportunity. Go to Payson, make a fun weekend of it on August 15th. Yep. You can hang out with Chris and I if you want.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Yeah, it'll be a lot of g as long as you feed me some popcorn, that'll be delicious.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Yeah, there'll be a yeah, we'll do a VIP event. It's free if you want to just hang out with us.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

Well, uh, today is Be a Millionaire Day, Ryan. So I thought we'd play a game called Real or Fake Millionaire Purchase. Let's see how well you know your millionaires. You ready? Ready. A millionaire bought a pet tiger, real or fake? Real. Mike Tyson bought a pet tiger. That was the millionaire I was talking about. Uh one uh tiger costs around$70,000.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Ooh, that's cheap.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

How about this one? Real or fake? A millionaire paid someone to bark at intruders instead of getting a dog. Fake. Yeah, that is fake. Although, if I had a million dollars, I think that's something I would do.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

I would love that. I would do it for you if you had a million dollars.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Uh, how about this? A millionaire spent three million dollars on a tuna fish.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

Real.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Yeah, in Japan, a giant bluefin tuna sold for 3.1 million dollars. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

I mean, I I pay$2 a can at Trader Joe's.

unknown 9:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

What about a uh someone bought a uh jar labeled Justin Bieber Concert Air on eBay for$1,000?

SPEAKER_03 9:45

Real.

Onion Drama In Jerk Court

SPEAKER_02 9:46

That is real. Holy moly. Uh, that was real or fake millionaire edition. All rise, am I the jerk court is back in session. The honorable Ryan McKee presides. You got your Robin Wig on, Justin?

SPEAKER_03 10:02

I did the line order. Bum bum bum bum.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

All right, here we go. So I cook dinner for my family pretty often, and recently my brother and his wife started coming over for dinner all the time. Well, one night my sister-in-law saw me cutting onions and garlic and completely freaked out. She said onions are too spicy and refused to eat anything I cooked with them. So I ended up throwing away the whole meal and starting over. The funny part is, after I stopped using onions and garlic, she kept complaining that all my food had no flavor. So ever since then, I've been secretly cooking with onions before they come over. Last night my brother accidentally exposed me at dinner and suddenly my sister-in-law started acting like the food was way too spicy and demanding milk and water. Now everyone says I'm the jerk for secretly cooking with onions. Am I the jerk?

SPEAKER_03 11:01

First of all, there is no case here. This is ridiculous. I stopped listening after the woman said onions are too spicy. I don't trust anyone who thinks onions are too spicy. She's clearly not from Arizona. So he's the jerk. And I did listen to the rest of the case, I'm just kidding. And that's if if somebody's cooking dinner for you regularly, you don't get to complain.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Right. Yeah, and it's like once she didn't know there were onions in there, she didn't say anything. It wasn't until she found it. So she just sounds like a little kid to me. She sounds immature.

SPEAKER_03 11:42

She sounds like a drama queen.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Yes, all right. In the case of Am I the Jerk for putting onions and garlic in the food I fed my family? Producer Ryan says, Not the jerk.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Not the jerk. It's your sister-in-law that's the jerk.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Awesome. Well, producer Ryan, we love you, best friend. Hope you have a great day.

Stage One Fire Restrictions Update

SPEAKER_03 12:01

You too. Bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

On the phone, we have JD Pepper with the Timber Mesa Fire Department and Medical District for a Fire Marshall Minute. What you got for us today, best friend?

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Hey, good morning, guys. We got some changes going on out here. We are in stage one restrictions. So if you need if I'm pulling up the Starbucks right now, so if you need uh any information on stage one restrictions, um, just get on our website at timbermesafire.org. You can do that, and or you can go to the Navajo County Emergency Management website, Sholo, uh the city of SHOLO, the town of Fine South Lakeside, and check those out for what's allowed and what's not allowed. But really, what I want to get into this morning, I just want to let you know uh, you know, there's been some misconceptions out there as far as what Timber Mesa Timber Mesa does. And um there's a there's a misconception out there that we at Timber Mesa, specifically myself, because I get about five, ten calls a day, we do not set the fire restrictions. There is a large group of uh stakeholders in this, and that includes all government agencies from like the Sheriff's Office, Navajo County Emergency Management, uh the fire departments, the U.S. Forest Service, and the State Department of Forestry Management, as well as some others, and they make these decisions based on um, you know, the science that's out there. And I know a lot of people are like, well, you know, we don't follow the science. Well, we do. Um, you know, we we do follow the science. And when I say that, what I'm talking about is our relative humidity, um, our uh fuel dryness, you know, we take we take a look at the dryness of the fuels that are on the ground out there, and uh also the the temperatures during the days, our overnight uh recovery, and what that looks like, and then then we use the probability of ignition, okay? Should something go on. Look, we've got all kinds of models that we're using. I use a spaghetti model, much like the hurricane forecasters use. I can tell you using current uh weather information what a fire, the probability of what that fire is going to do. So look, guys, you are in good hands out there. Um with Timur Mesa, with all of us out here, we are stood up and we're ready to go at any moment's notice, and we have done that. Um there's only two stages. There's stage one, stage two, there is no stage three. Timber Mesa does not make the decisions again to to go into these stages. So we we only we only give recommendations uh and as well as all the other groups, and then they you know use use what they have to make that decision. But we are in stage one now, so please pay attention. Uh my office, we're working closely with the sheriff's office and all our law enforcement partners, game and fish, forest service, uh, and the city police departments. We do issue citations. We issued a lot of citations last year. Um we are we are zero tolerance for burning our communities down. So spread the word, please. Um I I don't like to give citations, but um they do happen.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

All right. If you see some and if if we see someone breaking the stage one fire restrictions, who do we call?

SPEAKER_00 15:12

You just call 911. Look, guys, if you see smoke out there, uh, because uh, you know, a lot of times I'm using like again advanced technology. Uh we're catching we're catching this smoke and fires. Uh to give you an example, we caught one, we were on scene for 20 minutes before the first 911 call came in. That's the technology that I'm using. And if you are burning illegally, I will find you.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

All right, you heard it. Let's follow the rules. Stage one fire restrictions are in force, and let's do our part to keep this community uh safe. Thank you so much, JD, for everything you, the Timber Mesa Fire Department, and all our firefighters out there do to keep us safe. We love you guys.

Wrap Up And Community Reminders

SPEAKER_00 15:52

We love you guys too. Have a great one.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

All right, best friends. That's gonna do it for today's episode of The Morning Brew with Chris Bennett and best friends. Remember, we are officially in stage one fire restrictions. So please do your part to help our community safe here in the White Mountains. And if you'd enjoyed the show today, make sure you give us a follow, leave a review, and share the podcast with a best friend. We'll be back tomorrow morning with more chaos, more fun, and uh who knows what else. Just uh more ridiculousness, I'm sure. Until then, I'm Chris Bennett reminding you to be nice to yourself, be nice to others, and don't be jerk. Bye.