Til Stress Do Us Part: The Real Reasons People Divorce

We unpack the top five reasons people get divorced and examine the demographic patterns behind relationship breakdowns. Delving into common causes from infidelity and communication breakdown to financial stress, constant conflict, and growing apart, we discover why "happily ever after" requires actual work.

• Infidelity tops divorce reason lists with 35% of women citing their husband's affairs as the final straw
• Communication breakdown often starts with avoiding conflict and ends with complete disconnection
• Financial stress and power struggles over money rank third in causing relationship dissolution
• Constant conflict transforms couples from fighting for each other to fighting at each other
• "Gray divorce" rates have doubled for ages 55-64 and tripled for those 65+ as people outgrow relationships
• Women initiate 70% of divorces, primarily citing emotional neglect and unequal relationship burdens
• The myth that "real love shouldn't take work" creates unrealistic expectations and encourages abandoning relationships prematurely
• Love is a verb that requires active participation: "You don't find a great relationship. You build one"

Subscribe, leave a review, and text this episode to your constantly-complaining friend - you know who you are.

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro to Divorce Reality
• 0:37 The Fab Five of Divorce
• 4:12 Divorce by Demographic
• 5:29 Bad Advice: "Effortless" Love
• 7:39 Key Takeaways and Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey there, welcome back to Licensed and Unfiltered a podcast where we unpack love loss and why your Aunt Karen suddenly started dating her yoga instructor. I'm Lina, your trusty relationship realist, and today we're diving into that charming little statistic. Why do people actually get divorced? Spoiler alert it's not just about toilet seats left up or toothpaste caps on rogue. Let's break down the top five reasons people say thanks for the memory and the legal fees. Segment one the fab five of divorce. Segment one the fab five of divorce.

Speaker 1: 0:51

All right, first up, the big bad boss of breakup Cheating tops the list in nearly every study, for women especially, 35% said their husband's affairs were the final straw in someone else's DM. But hey, infidelity isn't always just physical, it can be emotional too. If your partner is texting someone more than they talk to you, houston, we have a problem. Number two communication breakdown. Number two communication breakdown.

Speaker 1: 1:24

Let's talk about the slow decay of daily chats, honest convos and actual listening. It starts with I don't want to argue becomes we're not talking and ends at. Here's my lawyer's number. Remember, if you're arguing more with Siri than your spouse, it might be time to check in or check out. If you remember, in my very first episode I said that the biggest reason why people's relationships break down is not about what's said, it's about what isn't said. Number three money, money, mayhem. Love may be blind, but debt has 20-20 vision. From secret credit cards to power struggles over who brings home more bacon, financial stress fuels the fire. Men without full-time jobs are 33% more likely to get divorced, because nothing says romance like a joint budget spreadsheet and a passive-aggressive and Venmo request.

Speaker 1: 2:45

Number four constant conflict. Some couples just can't stop. The arguing becomes the relationship. The issue of the day rotates, dinner in-laws, thermostat wars. At some point you're not even fighting for each other, you're fighting at each other. Here's a hot tip If your Amazon cart contains both therapy books and noise-canceling headphones, you might be circling this one. Lastly, number five growing apart flash incompatibility. Aka, we were perfect for each other at 23.

Speaker 1: 3:32

People change, life shifts and sometimes your partner's biggest passion in life becomes pickable and you just can't with that. This hits especially in the 50-plus crowd, where gray divorce is skyrocketing. Divorce rates have doubled for folks aged 55 to 64 and tripled for 65-plus. Who says boomers can't disrupt industries? Segment two divorce by demographic. That's with sass. Let's spice this up with a little drama, shall we?

Speaker 1: 4:18

70 of divorces are initiated by women, for. Key triggers include emotional neglect, infidelity and being tired of doing literally everything. Men tend to cite lack of physical intimacy, feeling unappreciated and the good old. She changed Translation. She got tired of being your mom and your wife. Translation she got tired of being your mom and your wife.

Speaker 1: 4:50

Now, age-wise, 27% of people aged 50, 15 to 24 get divorced. Young love is usually young trial and error. We do so much growing between the ages of 25 and 30. 25 to 39 percent that's the hot zone. 60 percent of divorces live here. Over 50, gray divorce is a trend. Now your parents might be single again and on Tinder.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Proceed with caution. Here's a piece of bad advice If you have to work at it. It's not real love. Why it sounds romantic? It implies that true love should be effortless, magical and run on autopilot like a rom-com where no one ever argues about dishes.

Speaker 1: 5:53

You ever notice how fairy tales just end right after the kiss Like boom, happily, ever after. Roll credit. I mean. No one tells you what happens six months later when Cinderella finds out Prince Charming leaves his royal socks all over the palace, or when she's like, hey, maybe you could try ruling something besides your fantasy football league. And yes, I'm talking about them like they're still together, because part of me needs to believe that Cinderella didn't go through all that glass slipper drama just to end up co-parenting with a guy named Chad. But let's be real. Even they probably argued about money boundaries with a stepfamily or who forgot to RSVP to the fairy godmother's retirement party, why it's actually toxic, because everything worth having careers, health, friendships and, yes, relationships takes work. Love without effort isn't romance. It's usually infatuation on a coffee drip.

Speaker 1: 6:58

Real impact Encourages people to walk away the moment things get hard. Invalidates the idea of growing together or working through conflict. Busters unrealistic expectations which, oh hello, is another reason people get divorced. Unrealistic expectations, better advice. Love is a verb, not a feeling. You don't find a great relationship. You build one, because even Beyonce probably had a talk through a budget spreadsheet at some point. And if clean bathed love life takes work, so will yours. Segment three what can we learn from this? So what's the takeaway? Marriage is not just about love. It's about communication, compatibility, trust and teamwork. And maybe also having the same netflix password preferences whether you're married or still, dodging commitment like it's a student loan payment. Remember this the real enemy of love isn't conflict, it's neglect. That's it for today's Dive Into Divorce Raw Real, a little ridiculous. If you loved the episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and text this to your friend, who's always complaining about their roommate you know who you are. Until next time, I'm Lena, reminding you that breakups may suck, but your growth doesn't have to. Thank you.