Running on Caffeine, Cortisol, and Vibes: A Therapist's Guide to Recognizing Burnout

Dragging yourself out of bed, crying at commercials, and fantasizing about escape while still managing to text people back? You're not lazy—you're burned out. You're compassion-fatigued. You're a full-grown adult running on caffeine, cortisol, and pure determination.

This raw, honest conversation dives deep into what burnout and compassion fatigue really look and feel like, beyond the clinical definitions. We explore the subtle signs your body sends when you're running on empty: becoming resentful when people need you, doom-scrolling instead of decompressing, mentally checking out during meaningful moments, and dreaming about quitting everything to open that bakery in Vermont. Burnout isn't always dramatic; sometimes it's just quiet depletion—the slow fade of joy and engagement that happens when you've been saying "I just need to make it through this week" for 42 weeks straight.

Through the lens of polyvagal theory, we break down how your nervous system operates when overwhelmed. When burned out, you slide down the ladder from "safe and social" into fight-or-flight or freeze modes, leaving your window of tolerance—that space where you feel grounded and regulated—practically nonexistent. Your body isn't broken; it's responding exactly as it should to chronic stress. And contrary to popular wellness culture, you can't bubble-bath your way out of burnout or manifest your way through compassion fatigue.

Real self-care isn't jade rollers and expensive candles—it's boundaries, rest, and the courage to say "I'm not okay" when you're not. It's choosing sleep over people-pleasing and speaking to yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a friend. Because healing doesn't happen when you're waging war on yourself. You don't need to be falling apart before you're allowed to rest. Rest isn't a reward—it's a right.

Listen in, take a breath, and remember: burnout doesn't mean you're broken. It means you're human. Cancel something today, say no without a spreadsheet of reasons why, and be gentle with yourself. You're doing so much better than you think.

Chapters

• 0:00 Burnout vs. Compassion Fatigue
• 3:23 Polyvagal Theory and Nervous System
• 6:02 Self-Care vs. Self-Soothing vs. Avoidance
• 8:47 The Radical Act of Self-Kindness
• 13:03 What Self-Care Actually Looks Like
• 17:18 Permission to Rest Without Earning It

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

let's get one thing straight if you're dragging yourself out of bed, crying at dog food commercials, daydreaming about faking your own death just to take a break, and still managing to text people back, you're not lazy, you're burned out, you're compassionigued, you're a full-grown adult running on caffeine, cortisol and vibes. And in today's episode, we're going to call it what it is the emotional exhaustion you keep ignoring, the self-care you keep postponing, and the very real moment when you realize a bubble bath isn't going to fix 13 years of people-pleasing and perfectionism. I'm Lina, and this is Licensed and Unfiltered. I'm the therapist in your back pocket, the one who will lovingly call you out for answering work emails on the toilet and then remind you you deserve rest without earning it. This episode is for the overachievers, the caretakers, the therapists, the I'm fine girls and anyone who's ever said I just need to make it through this week for 42 weeks straight. Let's get into it.

Speaker 1: 1:18

Burnout versus compassion. Fatigue versus just tired with stats. Fatigue versus just tired with stats. Let's start with the basics. Burnout is emotional, mental and often physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress, especially in caregiving or performance-driven roles. Compassion fatigue is when your empathy starts to run dry. When your empathy starts to run dry. You care so much for so long that you start to feel numb, cynical, checked out, just tired. That's when sleep fixes it. If a nap doesn't touch the edges of your exhaustion, that's burnout baby. Some stats to back it up Nearly 50% of healthcare professionals report regular burnout. 38% of caregivers say their role is highly stressful, one in three therapists report feeling emotionally overextended, and burnout rates are rising faster in women than men. You're not imagining it, you're absorbing it, all of it. You're in the red zone. Let's get honest about what this actually looks like. You become resentful when people need you. You find yourself doom-scrolling. Instead of decompressing, you're mentally checked out. During meaningful moments, you're crying more or not crying at all, and both feel concerning. You're fantasizing about quitting everything and opening a bakery in Vermont. Burnout isn't always dramatic. Sometimes it's just quiet depletion. The slow fade Therapy talk Polyvagal theory and the window of tolerance.

Speaker 1: 3:20

Polyvagal theory and the window of tolerance. So let's nerd out for a second. When you're in burnout or compassion fatigue, your nervous system is shocked. You're either in fight or flight mode or in freeze or shutdown mode. Your window of tolerance, aka the space where you feel safe, grounded and regulated, is basically gone. You're reacting instead of responding. Polyvagal theory teaches us that your body keeps score and if you never let yourself feel safe, your body will start living like it's under attack, even if you're just answering emails. So if you're snappy, shut down or disconnected from joy, you're not broken, you're dysregulated. Let me just take it a little deeper, because polyvagal theory isn't just therapist jargon. It's literally the user manual for your body.

Speaker 1: 4:26

Think of your nervous system like a ladder. You have the top of the ladder, which equals safe and social. You're regulated, connected and grounded. You can make eye contact, joke around and think clearly. Joke around and think clearly this is your window of tolerance. Then you have the middle of the ladder, which is fight or flight tolerance. You're anxious, reactive, snappy and restless. Everything feels like a fire drill, even choosing what to eat. Then you have the bottom of the ladder, which is freeze. You shut down, go numb and feel detached. You're not even stressed. You're like why does nothing matter and why am I binge watching a show I don't even like? The trick is we slide up and down this ladder all day long, but when you're burned out or overwhelmed, you get stuck in the middle or bottom and you start thinking that's just who you are now, just who you are now. Spoiler alert it's not. You're just dysregulated and regulation is learnable. So when I say take a breath, I'm literally saying let's get you back up the ladder.

Speaker 1: 6:02

Self-care versus self-soothing versus avoidance. So let's clear something up self-care is the stuff that actually restores you sleep. Setting boundaries movement can end connection. Sleep is one of the most productive things that we do. Self-soothing is the short-term feel-goods, the scrolling, the snacks, the shows and the wine. Avoidance is the numbing that slowly disconnects you from your needs, saying I'm fine when you're clearly not fine.

Speaker 1: 6:37

Self-care is not a face mask. It's not buying another crystal or planner. It's boundaries. It's saying no. It's going to therapy. It's eating real food and logging off Micro-recovery Tiny practices that actually work. So here's the deal. You don't need a three-day weekend at a spa. You need consistent nervous system repair in tiny doses. So try this One hand on your chest, one on your belly, breathe for 90 seconds.

Speaker 1: 7:24

Put your phone in another room for 20 minutes. Say no to one thing this week that drains you or drink water, eat protein and go outside for five minutes. Not glamorous, but it works. A quiet, grounding moment. Close your eyes if you can Drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, breathe in Hold, breathe out slowly. Again One more time, bring to mind a version of you that's allowed to rest no guilt, no badge of exhaustion, just stillness. Can you let her exist? Can you give her permission? You are allowed to stop performing wellness and actually be well. Now ask yourself how are you doing right now? Not fine, not autopilot, just really. What does your body feel? What's one thing it might be asking for, and are you willing to give it that?

Speaker 1: 8:48

The radical act of being kind to yourself. Let's talk about something wildly underrated being kind to yourself, not just thinking kind thoughts, not just saying I deserve love while simultaneously pushing through a stress migraine. I mean the real kind of kindness, the kind that's active, embodied and sometimes messy, because here's the truth you can't bully yourself into being okay, you can't shame yourself into motivation and you sure as hell can't heal by treating yourself like a machine. So what does being kind to yourself actually look like? It looks like saying I've done enough today and actually stopping. It looks like choosing sleep over people pleasing. It looks like speaking to yourself like you would a friend on the verge of tears. It looks like making space for your limits instead of resenting them. It looks like letting the laundry wait and watching a comfort show without guilt, and it can also look like unfollowing people who make you feel like you're behind in life. It's not weakness, it's nervous system repair, it's inner reparenting, it's calling off the war you've been quietly waging on yourself.

Speaker 1: 10:15

Being kind to yourself might mean canceling something, softening your inner dialogue or allowing yourself to feel what you feel without rushing to fix it. It's not always pretty. Sometimes kindness looks like crying in your car and then texting someone. I'm not okay, and that counts too. Now let's talk about self-compassion, and if that word feels foreign, awkward or even a little uncomfortable, let me say this If you think back to your childhood, were your parents compassionate with you when you needed it?

Speaker 1: 10:52

If not, you may be sitting here thinking I don't even know what that looks like. And how could you? If no one modeled compassion for you, if you were met with criticism, dismissal or silence instead, how on earth would you know how to offer kindness to yourself? Now, that's not your fault, but it is something you can gently, lovingly unle, unlearn, and, for those of you interested in an inner child moment, think of it this way you were never too sensitive. You just needed more gentleness than you were given. So what does self-compassion actually look like?

Speaker 1: 11:33

Self-compassion isn't pretending you're perfect or number making mistakes. It's about creating a soft place to land while you learn and grow. Self-compassion isn't pretending you're perfect or number-making mistakes. It's about creating a soft place to land while you learn and grow. It looks like talking to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you love, or offering grace instead of judgment when you mess up, or allowing your feelings to be valid without rushing to fix them, or saying this is hard instead of why am I like this? Because here's the truth you cannot heal in a war zone, especially not when you've created inside yourself. So how do you love yourself better? Loving yourself isn't always loud. Sometimes it looks like making yourself a sandwich before you spiral, or crying without apology, or choosing sleep over productivity, or asking what do I need right now and actually responding. Self-love isn't self-indulgence, it's survival, and it's not your job to be perfect. Just present and kind and trying. You don't have to earn that kind of care because you already deserve it. Being kind to yourself isn't a reward for healing. It's how you get there.

Speaker 1: 12:58

The top 10 internet approved self-care practices and what they miss. So I thought it would be fun to take a quick scroll through the top 10 self-care practices women are told to try online. One buy a jade roller because apparently lymphatic drainage equals emotional stability. Not bad, but maybe pair it with actual rest and water too. Number two light a $40 candle. Smells like vanilla, serenity and bankruptcy. Sensory grounding is real, but scent alone won't heal your nervous system. Number three take a bubble bath. Um so, still a fave, but let's stop acting like this is therapy.

Speaker 1: 13:52

Number four do a 12-step skincare routine, because your pores clearly hold your trauma. This can be meditative, but if it takes longer than your meals it's not balanced. Number five journal for five minutes a day, unless your thoughts are chaotic and now you're spiraling on paper. So this is actually a great tool if you're honest, not performative. Number six drink matcha, because coffee is toxic, even though you're on your third cup of it. Hydration matters. Pretending matcha fixes your mother wound does not.

Speaker 1: 14:33

Number seven manifest in your gratitude journal. Just ignore your burnout and manifest restful energy. Gratitude is powerful, but it's not a substitute for actual recovery. Number eight buy a cute Stanley cup. Yes to water, but, girl, don't confuse hydration with healing.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Number nine repeat affirmations in the mirror such as I am abundant, I am aligned, I am running late and dissociating. If affirmations feel forced, it's okay. Try self-compassion instead. Number 10, go on a hot girl. Walk Step one, walk Step two. Cry to a podcast. Movement helps. Just don't skip the emotional part in favor of vibes. Real talk what self-care actually looks like. So, yes, light the candle, take the walk, stack your journals. But let's not confuse curated vibes with actual care, because real self-care it's not always pretty, it's not always instagrammable and it definitely doesn't come with a promo code. So these are the top three real self-care moves that won't go viral but might save you.

Speaker 1: 16:01

Regulate before you ruminate. So, before you spiral about what's wrong with you, pause, breathe, shake your hands, step outside. Let your body know its seat. Nervous system first, thoughts. Second Say no without a PowerPoint presentation. No is a full sentence. You don't need to explain, justify or soften it with emojis. Protecting your peace is not a PR crisis. Three let someone in Self-care isn't just so low.

Speaker 1: 16:35

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is say I'm not okay. Healing happens in connection, not isolation. Self-care is less about what you buy and more about what you're willing to feel face and release. Sometimes it's journaling, sometimes it's canceling therapy and taking a nap instead, give yourself what you actually need, not what looks good from the outside. The shame spiral You're tired, so you can't focus, so you make mistakes, so you feel like a failure, so you try harder, which makes you more tired. That's not weakness, that's a shame spiral with a punch card. Let's rewrite the script. I'm not failing, I'm exhausted. I'm not unmotivated, I'm dysregulated. I'm not too much, I've just been holding too much alone.

Speaker 1: 17:37

Journal prompt and action step. Here's the prompt that I'd like you to write in your journals. What would it look like to give myself permission to rest without earning it? First, the action step to take Take one thing off your plate this week. Cancel something, ask for help or unplug. You deserve peace, not just productivity what I wish someone had told me. You don't need to be falling apart before you're allowed to rest.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Rest is not a reward, it's a right. You're not failing. You're carrying too much without enough support. If your body is tired, if your heart feels heavy, if your brain has 17 tabs open and not one of them is loading, please know this You're not alone and you're not doing it wrong.

Speaker 1: 18:40

Burnout doesn't mean you're broken. Compassion fatigue doesn't mean you failed. And needing rest doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. We are not meant to carry everything, fix everyone and smile through it all. You deserve tenderness, slowness and support, not because you've earned it, but because you exist. So tonight, or wherever you finally get a moment to yourself, choose one small thing that brings you back to you Drink some water, put your hand on your chest, whisper something kind to yourself. You don't have to do everything, Just something. This has been Licensed and Unfiltered. I'm Lina, your therapist, in your back pocket, reminding you that healing doesn't have to be loud or perfect. It just has to be honest. Until next time, cancel something, say no without a spreadsheet of reasons. Be gentle with yourself. You're doing so much better than you think and I'm really, really glad you're here.