Navigating the September Back-to-School / Learning Shifts in Rhythms for Neurodivergent Families

Ever noticed how we pour endless energy into helping our kids through back-to-school transitions, but we completely forget about ourselves? Welcome back to the Untypical Parent podcast for Season Three, where we're diving straight into what can be one of the most challenging times of year for neurodivergent families.

Those end-of-summer transitions create what I call "shifts in rhythms" - those jarring changes that affect our entire household's equilibrium. While we're busy preparing and getting ready to support our children with the transition, we rarely stop to consider how these shifts impact us as parents. Our central nervous systems are firing just as intensely, regardless of how well we think we're hiding our stress. 

This episode acknowledges the different starting points families face this September. Some juggle work commitments with school schedules. Others manage alternative education packages requiring intensive parental involvement. Then there are families with no appropriate school placement secured, or those with placements they know in their gut won't work. .

Thinking about you during transitions doesn't require elaborate spa days. Instead, look for those small "pockets of peace" - five minutes on the back step with tea, scheduled walks, sensory supports as the weather cools. Update your calendar with school dates, organise timetables, and intentionally reduce demands during that critical transition week. Most importantly, reach out to your "safety circles" - those people who truly understand without judgment.

Remember to acknowledge the "sparkly moments" from your summer. Rather than counting down to school's return (which children absolutely notice and can internalise), intentionally recognise the fun times you've shared. These help create emotional anchors during transitions.

I'll be thinking of you ALL. The kids and you. Take care. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Season Three
• 3:39 Transitions and Changing Family Rhythms
• 7:14 Supporting Yourself Through Back-to-School
• 13:29 Acknowledging Parents Without School Placements
• 16:59 Finding Sparkly Moments Amid Challenges
• 21:59 Upcoming Episodes and Staying Connected

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

Hello, hello and welcome back to the Untypical Parent podcast. We've had a bit of a break over the summer. It was unplanned, if I'm honest. We started off and I thought I was going to go all the way through the summer and actually, seeing as I talk about burnout quite so much as I do halfway through the summer holidays, I figured I actually needed a break. So I had a bit of a break from everything and I hadn't anticipated that being the podcast as well, but it was and it did and we are back. We are back for what I will be for season three.

Speaker 1: 1:06

This is season three, which is really exciting. Things have been kind of bit muddled. Possibly how could that possibly be for a parent in a neurodivergent family? I have no idea. Um, things have been a little bit muddled. I had series one out which I was calling the um are you the perfect parent? In amongst that, I was doing series two, which was solo episodes, which I, looking back now, I have no idea. No idea why. I thought that was the most straightforward way to do something. Anyway, what we're doing is starting afresh with season three. There will not be a season three and four merged in together. This will be season three.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Season three is coming for you. I have got some amazing guests already recorded and are coming out and I have also got some solo episodes. But they're going to be sporadic, here and there, when one, when I've got the time and the spoons to be able to do it, um, but also if there's something really kind of important that pops up, I'll pop in a solo episode. So the general theme will be every two weeks those are going to be the guests and then sporadically, in and around that will be the solo episodes with me, the little short ones. So today, hopefully, if I don't waffle on too much, it'll be a 10 or 15 minute one. That's the kind of thing, and then your guest episodes are going to be looking at around the kind of 40 minutes and up. So season three is coming. I'm, as I say, very excited, got a load of guests due to record. They're all booked in and we have got episodes now from September all the way through till Christmas, and I'm now starting to book in new guests on top of that. That will take us past Christmas into the new year. So there's loads coming. There's loads coming.

Speaker 1: 3:03

What I wanted to talk about today and come and and mention, I think, is we're making that transition. We're making that transition out of the summer holidays back into learning and I say learning very purposefully, because some of us won't be following the traditional form of learning and that might look very different for each of the families out there. My family's learning looks a bit different, uh, to kind of typical way of learning, and other others of you out there may be in the same boat. But what I wanted to talk about is we get, we go through these kind of what I call shifts in rhythms. So I don't know whether you're a family that gets into a rhythm and we definitely are. We find the transitions in and out of holiday periods tricky and the summer holidays are a period of time where we hit a really lovely sweet spot in the middle where everybody's in their kind of rhythm. When we've got this rhythm and and it's a sweet spot, it feels good, um, but we are now definitely heading back towards that next transition and the rhythm will change again and I've kind of come to accept these rhythms. So they've always been rhythms that are changes in rhythms that I have dreaded, I have worried about, I, I have stressed over, and they still bring a lot of worry and stress, but there are strategies in place now and an acceptance of these change in rhythms. They come, they come, these change in rhythms. I can't stop them and it's how we navigate. It's a bit of a cheesy word but you know I'm it is navigating. We are navigating our way through the change of rhythm.

Speaker 1: 5:02

The biggest thing I wanted to talk about and this might be something that we miss and we talk a lot about when the kids go back to learning, the transition for the kids and that it's tricky for the kids and it is, and I'm not taking that bit away that bit is definitely a huge part of that change in rhythm. What we always forget or and even I do with the job that I do is we change rhythms and as parents we can find the transition difficult and we often put a lot of support in for our kids and there's lots of strategies in place for the kids, but we get missed and we kind of just think, oh, we're managing, we're kind of hiding the stress. But if you follow kind of some of my podcasts or you know my posts on social media, you'll know that I talk about how our central nervous systems talk to each other and it might not be you go. You know it's outwardly obvious that you're stressed or worried about something, but there'll be changes in your central nervous system that will indicate to others that you are having finding things more difficult and are more stressed. So what I was going to talk to you about was having a think about how you support yourself through the transition back to learning.

Speaker 1: 6:32

Now, some of us have had the summer off with the kids If you're in that position to be able to do that, so we might be going back to work. Some of us might not be able to work at the moment, so we've had the kids off with us all the time. You might be off from work, but the kids are at school, so you know, once that transition comes in September, that they'll go back into school and your rhythms will change again in a different way, but you'll be at home. It might be if you're a bit like me, you're going back to work in September or now, as I'm recording this, in August, at the end of August, where one of my kids goes back to school. Um, my other son is on a neatos package, so that starts back up again. So I end up with juggling my work and his timetable at home and ferrying him halfway around the county as well for all the stuff that he needs to get to. But, um, and I'm trying to think there'll be other kind of combinations of things um, do you know what it is as well? There might be some of you out there that um are home educators. So you have got your, you're coming through the summer, where things have been much more relaxed, and then you're heading back into your home education in September and that involves you prepping for stuff and organising stuff for their learning and all that kind of stuff and I was going to mention in there as well.

Speaker 1: 8:01

I think a lot of people might think, oh, if you've got a kid that is home educated or you've got a kid that is on any ATOS package, that the transition back into learning must be so much easier. Now, don't get me wrong. My son and a transition back into mainstream school or a bricks and mortar school would be incredibly stressful, but we still struggle with the move back into learning in September. But what I want people to think about and I was going to ask parents to have a think about, and maybe as well, if you're an educator and you're listening to this is that thinking about you as a parent and how you manage that change in rhythm and I know for me I am a prep girl so I like not that I always follow it, but I like to have it makes me feel better when I've got it in. And you'll know there's been past podcasts about the power of a plan and things like that. So for me I know that I have to have my diary up to date. I've got to put all the school dates you know term dates in my diary so I can start to book in my work around that. I'm starting to look at my son's timetable and looking at how that impacts on how I work. Um, so I'm looking at doing my timetables, I'm looking at prep for me. I'm looking at my sensory supports. I know, as I come towards the transition and that change of rhythm, that actually I need to reduce some of the demands on me in that lead up. You know, because you know what it's like in that that is kind of that week before when you're suddenly going like I have put an order into next because I haven't bought their school uniform or school shoes and I've left it to the last minute and everywhere's sold out. So in that last week before we go back to school, often it's really chaotic for us as parents and are there some ways that you can bring down some of those demands and stress levels over that? Look that that week as we ease back in because we want to be able to ease back in and I know sometimes it really doesn't feel like that I was in Swan Edge recently with my partner and we were sitting watching out at sea and there was some, um, oh, what are they called?

Speaker 1: 10:14

Speed, but not speed boats. Oh, I've forgotten the name of the word. See, this is perimenopause as well. Words has gone out of my head. I'll describe it those little things that go on top of the water that you sit on, um, they're not motorboats and they go really fast and when they go over the waves you see them go and they go really, really fast and they look like motorbikes on water and that's why I was interested in them and I've never been on one and I was talking to my partner about it and say what, what does it feel like on that? And he goes. It's absolutely brilliant, but oh my god, it hurts every time you kind of go over and hit the water, it jolts your whole body and he said it actually hurts, um, especially if you time it slightly wrong, and I thought that kind of reminds me of that. That, um, change of rhythm back into school is that it can hurt sometimes that there's these kind of waves that we hit as we go in and if we time it wrong it can it can throw you off, and it made me think about that and what it's like to go back to school and those changing rhythms. So have a think about you and how you're managing that change in rhythm. What does that look like?

Speaker 1: 11:31

How can you ease some of the pressure on you in that week as you head back into school or learning or whatever, whatever format that takes for you and your family? Make sure you've got your sensory supports around you. You know if you like things or there's things that really work for you you need to schedule in your walks. Get those back in. Make sure you've got your. You know whatever it is that works for you sensory wise that helps bring that down, whether it's music or it's squishies or weighted blankets or now that the weather's turning a bit and we are able to kind of snuggle down a bit.

Speaker 1: 12:07

I find it hard in the summer because I can't use some of the stuff I know regulates, because I get too hot and then that dysregulates me. So as the weather starts to change a bit, you know, can you bring some of those back in for you during that week? And I think I wanted to acknowledge as well that not every family is at the same starting point. So I wanted to kind of reach out and acknowledge those families that there will be families out there that have no school placement, that they possibly have into the summer not having a placement sorted, feeling that they held that stress all through the summer and they're now approaching September with no school placement. And I wanted to say to those parents I see you and I hear you and I know you're out there because that's a really hard place to be when you don't even know what it's going to look like, and not only for you as a parent but how you support your child through that in September. So I wanted to say to you guys out there, I see you and I hear you and I know this is a really hard time.

Speaker 1: 13:24

On top of that, there may be parents out there that have got school places named for September that they know in their gut is not going to work, and they may have been fighting the local authority, they may have been shouting that you in your heart know or believe won't work for them. And I know those parents will have carried that all through the summer and all that worry through the summer. And I wanted to say to those parents I know and I see you and I hear you. I know and I see you and I hear you and I wish I could say more, I wish I could offer you a magic wand to make it better for you this September, but I can't. But I do want you to know that you won't be the only parent out there in that situation. I want you to know that I hear you and I know you're there. And this is me kind of reaching out to you to say I know you're there and this is me kind of reaching out to you to say I know you're there, take care and you will take care of your kids, but take care of you in that time.

Speaker 1: 14:40

I know from experience, when we go through these really challenging situations about placements and trying to get things right for our kids, that that the impact on us can be giant. It can make us really poorly. The impact is ginormous. So try, where you can, to be kind to you and prioritise some time in there. And I don't mean four hours in a spa, because, let's face it, he's going to get that. But what I do mean is little pockets, little pockets of peace, little pockets of time out where you look to support you, something for you, and we've talked about this and I've talked about this loads. You know, sometimes it can't be the big extravagant time out. I'm going to go and spend this here or do that there or have a whole day to myself. Um, sometimes it is sitting on the back step looking at the garden with a cup of tea and I'm not being responding to stuff. Unless it's an emergency, of course, then we've got to. But I'm taking five minutes out per day over the next week to help me get through this. And I know you would have carried lots and lots of worry and you'll be prepping and preparing yourself for September and wherever that journey is going to take you.

Speaker 1: 16:08

And I wanted to acknowledge those parents, because it's not just about the kids that are in school struggling, it's the ones that haven't got placements or have got a placement that we know in our heart isn't the right place. As I said, it's something in here about looking after you, and this feels indulgent for us as parents, and there may even be some of you out there listening thinking you know, how can I look after me when it's got to be all about my kid and what? If you know me well, you will know me. Talk about this isn't about it just being all about you. That's not what I'm saying. But we are really rubbish at including ourselves in the care, the consideration and the planning and sometimes even our awareness of what we need when things get hard for our kids. And they don't just get hard for our kids, and I suppose that's my point.

Speaker 1: 17:12

This shift in rhythm is for the whole family. The whole family shifts in rhythm as we come in and out of transitions and holidays and term times and stresses and whatever is thinking about you will sort the kids out, so you'll be on that, but it's who thinks about you. So this is my gentle reminder, this is my permission slip to the, to you to look after you and what are other kids, or even what you experienced as a kid, it is OK. Look for your safety circles Again. If you've done any of my trainings around burnout, you'll know me talking about my safety circles. Lean on your safety circles, know who your safety circles are, talk to them, reach out, don't do it alone and look for connection, and that connection doesn't have to be I'm going to ring someone up and trauma dump all the stuff that I've got going on onto them. The connection could be just going for a cup of tea and talking about some of the good things that have happened over your summer.

Speaker 1: 18:44

That's the other thing that I like to do at the end of the summer and I was talking to my boys yesterday and I'll finish with this was we often do a lot of talking as parents and it's a bit of talking as parents and it's it's a bit of a joke sometimes, isn't it? Oh, I can't wait for the kids to go back to school and I have been really guilty of that and I've really tried really hard this summer that I will say it often in front of the kids and I have made a big effort this this summer to talk about all the things that I have enjoyed at the time and we were talking about it yesterday, we were going around Tesco's, which is usually an interesting trip out with both my kids, but anyway, we were around Tesco's getting bits and pieces, and I don't know what made me say it, but I just suddenly said to one of them both of them rather that um, I'd really enjoyed the summer holidays with them and they both they both kind of looked a bit oh and part of me felt awful actually that I got sort of kind of got that oh reaction. But what was brilliant was when I was talking to a, a friend, and they said all nearly back to, nearly back to school, nearly there. It wasn't said in a nasty way and my eldest son said to me yeah, but mum's really enjoyed the holiday with us and we'd forget that they're listening and actually that's really hard for them to hear. And whilst we might be, some of us, looking forward to the return to school, just be mindful about what we say in front of the kids, because they're listening and what does that tell them? So, thinking about reducing your pressures, thinking about where you can look after yourself, reducing your demands, use your sensory support, reach out to your safety circles, find connections, even if it's over a cup of tea and think about, see if you can remember and pull together some what I call sparkly moments.

Speaker 1: 20:50

And if you listen to my last podcast, I talked about sparkly moments. Glimmers it might be, but they're sparkly moments where over the summer, they might be the little wins or just the little moments where you thought really enjoyed that. They sometimes don't last long. Okay, I get that. We were playing poker last night. Don't judge me, no one was involved, just chips. We were playing poker last night and I really enjoyed it. But in the middle of it there was a bit of a meltdown, with my eldest being highly aggravating towards his younger brother, which almost ruined the game. But we managed to pull it back and I possibly wouldn't remember the bit in the middle where it all went a bit pear shaped, but I really enjoyed playing with them. It was really great fun.

Speaker 1: 21:37

So if you can try and see what moments over the holidays that you really enjoyed, uh, keep a listen out for, uh, the new podcast coming out. They'll be coming out every two weeks. The first one coming out is with Jodie Clark. It's a great chat that will be coming out in September, possibly the second week of September, I can't remember the date. Off the top of my head, second week of September and it's with Jodie Clark. So keep an ear out for that.

Speaker 1: 22:06

Remember there is the way you can contact the show. So if you've got any questions, if you want me to do a bit of a shout out, whatever it is, if you'd like to give me some you know, thought the show was great or this bit really helped. I always love to hear back. So in the show notes there's a little button at the top, some text where you can contact the show and it's a text message that comes through. There's no charge to you, but it comes through to me. Other than that, you can always email me as well and that's in the show notes Longer than I expected, as per usual, sorry.