Fractured Ink: Writing In Life's Chaos (audio)

Doing Mathematics With Schizophrenia

• Diana Dirkby

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What does it mean to pursue a career in advanced mathematics while experiencing the profound challenges of paranoid schizophrenia? Drawing from her extraordinary personal journey, Diana Dirkby takes us behind the curtain of her dual life as an internationally recognized mathematician and a person navigating the complex reality of serious mental illness.

This raw, enlightening conversation explores the fascinating parallels between Diana's experience and that of mathematical genius John Nash, immortalized in "A Beautiful Mind." Diana describes her unique cognitive challenges—particularly the "word soup" that floods her mind during episodes—and reveals the ingenious strategies she developed to sustain her academic career despite these obstacles. From writing lectures verbatim in blue ink (never black) to maximizing productive work during periods of mental clarity, her practical approaches offer valuable insights for anyone facing similar challenges.

Beyond her personal story, Diana tackles misconceptions about both mathematics and schizophrenia. She eloquently explains how mathematics continues to evolve through human inquiry and research, using Fermat's Last Theorem as a compelling example. With compassion born from experience, she offers guidance to parents whose bright children receive schizophrenia diagnoses, emphasizing that while compromise is necessary, fulfilling lives and meaningful achievements remain possible with proper support and treatment.

Diana's message resonates with hope and pragmatism: success with schizophrenia requires acceptance, management, and support—but it is absolutely possible. Whether you're personally affected by mental illness, love someone who is, or simply seek to understand the remarkable resilience of the human spirit, this episode offers profound wisdom about finding clarity amidst chaos and pursuing intellectual passion despite seemingly insurmountable odds. Subscribe now to join this important conversation about triumph over adversity and the power of compromise in achieving meaningful success.

You can check out a basic, minimal website I made about my mathematics at https://aussiemathematician.io/. 

Here are my other website and social media credentials: 

https://dianadirkbywrites.com

 My Instagram: @dianadirkby_writings (https://www.instagram.com/dianadirkby_writings/)

My Facebook Page: Diana Dirkby Writings (https://www.facebook.com/DianaDirkbyAuthor)

My X-account: @dianadirkby (https://x.com/DianaDirkby)

My YouTube channel @Diana DirkbyWrites (https://www.youtube.com/@DianaDirkbyWrites)


#schizophrenia #college #university #mathematics #mentalhealth #family #relationships #SameHere #girlsdomath


Diana:

Hello, I'm Diana Dirkby, writing in Life's Chaos, and the title of this episode is Doing Mathematics with Schizophrenia. As you know, I live with paranoid schizophrenia, so you may wonder how I earned a living doing research in and teaching mathematics in universities for many years before retiring to be a fiction writer. This leads to the question how can I coherently write whether it's mathematics or fiction while living with schizophrenia? Schizophrenia and mathematics were themes of director Ron Howard's 2001 movie A Beautiful Mind, starring Russell Crowe and winning many awards, including the Academy Award for Best Picture. You'll know about the late mathematician John Nash if you've seen it. He lived with severe schizophrenia, but he was also a genius in mathematics, earning the 1994 Nobel Prize for the impact of his mathematical research on economics. On a personal note, John Nash lived in Princeton for many years, as did my spouse, who got to know him quite well. I also often talked to John Nash and our conversations were pleasant. He was always open about how he lived with schizophrenia. So, yes, with enough talent, which is required whether you live with a mental illness or not, you can do mathematics and live with schizophrenia. I worked as a research mathematician in France and a university professor in the USA for many years, building a respectable, internationally recognised career. I published mathematics under my real name, Paula Tretkoff.

Diana:

Diana Dirkby is the pen name for my novels. What is paranoid schizophrenia? My first audio podcast, Schizophrenia As I Live It provides many details. In previous episodes of this podcast I included other references, such as the book by E. Fuller Torrey my book, the Overlife by Diana Dirkby.

Diana:

Schizophrenia will remain one of the many themes in this podcast series. So again, what is paranoid schizophrenia? Since we haven't yet addressed it in this podcast series, let me provide a brief explanation of paranoid schizophrenia. Please bear in mind that this is only a rough guide, as each person living with schizophrenia experiences it in their unique way. Here is a short description, ending with a note of hope.

Diana:

Paranoid schizophrenia is a subtype of schizophrenia characterized by intense delusions and hallucinations, often centered around themes of persecution, conspiracy or grandeur. Individuals may believe they are being targeted, spied on or threatened, which leads to extreme mistrust and anxiety. Auditory hallucinations, such as hearing voices, are common. Symptoms can impair daily functioning, but with treatment, typically antipsychotics and therapy, many manage their condition effectively. People with schizophrenia are no more dangerous than any other sector of society. This description serves as a good summary, but each person living with schizophrenia uniquely experiences their illness.

Diana:

I face significant linguistic challenges when I am unwell with schizophrenia, it feels like a jumble of words occupies my mind, making managing my day difficult and consuming much of my energy. Doctors often refer to this symptom as word soup.. Comparing my experiences with mathematics to my fiction writing, I approached the latter with the perspective of an older person who has gained much more knowledge about my illness than when I was actively employed as a mathematician. Additionally, I have a supportive spouse to assist me. Earning a living doing mathematics was the greater miracle. My mathematical path was more complicated as I cared for my mother, who lived with paranoid schizophrenia but refused to acknowledge it, a condition known as anosognosia. Looking after my mother until she died in 1992, well before I retired from mathematics, to write fiction consumed the bulk of my time and effort. Such a situation is experienced by the characters Sarah and Jodie in my book The Overlife by Diana Dirkby.

Diana:

Many people ask me how can you research mathematics? Isn't it just there, a valuable technical skill for scientific endeavors? Well, it's there because we put it there. Humans made mathematics, not some all-powerful mystical entity. It is not a priori inside our minds. We must learn it from mathematics teachers, who must also know it from a teacher or a book. Okay, so we make math. How can you research it? Don't we know everything about it by now? This assumption is far from true. We can ask questions about the mathematics we have. We know questions that we cannot answer using logical arguments and current mathematics. A famous example is Fermat's Last Theorem, which asks is Fermat's mathematical challenge, made around 1637 by Pierre de Fermat, true or false? I won't go into the mathematics. Wikipedia explains it well, if you look up Fermat's last theorem. The brilliant mathematician Andrew Wiles answered this question only in the mid-1990s. Many tried, but only Wiles succeeded. Again, look it up on Wikipedia for details. It's a simple statement that Fermat seemed to believe he understood, but mathematicians now think Fermat made an error in that belief.

Diana:

I am not a mathematician like John Nash and Andrew Wiles. These people are geniuses. Even though my career was more humble, it was still appreciated by the international mathematical community. However, I cannot manage a schizophrenic psychotic episode, endure the hallucinations and also do mathematics. Even now, with good medication and therapy, along with my husband's support, I have days when I cannot think clearly. The keys are compromise and management. I do not doubt that I would have had a better research career in mathematics without contending with both my mother's schizophrenia and my own. I had to accept that compromise as part of caring for my health and my mother's. I had to learn not to be bitter but to be grateful that I could still manage to succeed.

Diana:

Often the parents of young, brilliant children meet a diagnosis of their child's schizophrenia as tragic news. They feel it is the end of the projected successful career of their son or daughter. They are correct to be alarmed. Someone diagnosed with schizophrenia must find the proper medication and therapy. They also have to deal with compromise. The prognosis may have changed due to schizophrenia, but their child can still be happy and fulfilled if they accept a degree of compromise. The parents mustn't pressure their child to get back to how they were, as that is likely impossible.

Diana:

A lot of time and effort is needed to manage their child's day so they can get the maximum functionality out of it. The first thing on the agenda must always be finding a good psychiatrist and psychologist so someone with schizophrenia can get on track with medication and therapy. If they have to delay their entrance to college by a few years, it's worth it. You can make it through college with schizophrenia, but you may need to talk with an advisor and mentor, if you think it will take more time than usual due to your illnes. Make sure to join your local NAMI National Alliance on Mental Illness support group so you have friends with similar problems and the help of the staff at your local NAMI. Don't be afraid to compromise. Also, don't hold back in sharing with others, including your family or roommate, that you need to manage your work time as a function of your schizophrenia. You need to work during the best times in your day, when you feel the least tired and the most clear-headed.

Diana:

As a working mathematician, I learned to work hard during times of clarity and rest during word soup. It meant that a research goal was often not achieved as quickly as I had hoped, but the compromise and management helped to keep me healthy for my teaching duties. I wrote down my lectures word for word in blue ink. I have a problem with black ink when I am ill. Even on bad days, I could mostly carry off my lecture because all I had to do was look at my notes. Some days went better than others. I knew I would never be a teacher who could inspire my students without a script. I was popular with the students but was not a good mentor, as I was always afraid I might misunderstand a student relying on non-mathematical support and advice.

Diana:

Thank you for listening to or watching this episode. Please remember to subscribe to my channel, sign up for notifications and like my recordings or videos if you like them. You can check out a basic, minimal website I made about my mathematics at www. AussieMathematician. io (see below). You can check out my other websites too, the website for my books, and also the websites for my social media. So thank you very much and I hope you tune in next time as I talk about writing in life's chaos:. Fractured Ink.