The Karmic! Secure vs Insecure Attachment

What if the relationships that challenge you the most are actually revealing the deepest parts of yourself that are ready to heal?

In Episode 21, I'm unpacking the difference between karmic relationships, secure attachment, and insecure attachment through the lens of my own personal experiences. I share how I recognized the patterns I was repeating, what those relationships were teaching me, and how I began healing the emotional wounds that kept me attached to unhealthy cycles.

This isn't about blaming ourselves or others, it's about becoming aware. Sometimes what feels like an intense connection is actually an invitation to heal unresolved trauma, abandonment wounds, or limiting beliefs. I'll explain how I learned to distinguish between love based in peace and connection versus attachment groomed in fear, anxiety, or emotional instability.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What a karmic relationship can teach you.
• The difference between secure and insecure attachment.
• Signs you may be operating from anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns.
• How I identified these patterns within myself.
• The healing practices that helped me create healthier relationships.
• Why peace, consistency, and emotional safety are stronger indicators of love than emotional highs and lows.

This episode is an invitation to reflect on your own relationship patterns with compassion and curiosity. Healing doesn't happen overnight, but awareness is where transformation begins. As we grow, we learn that real love isn't about chasing, fixing, or proving our worth, it's about feeling safe enough to be fully ourselves.

If this conversation resonates with you, share it with someone who may be navigating their own healing journey. Together, we can normalize choosing peace over chaos and growth over repeated cycles.

Remember: You don't heal by finding the right person, you heal by becoming the version of yourself that no longer mistakes chaos for real connection. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome back. Hello, everyone. This is Heart to Heart season two in episode 21. How are you? This is Erica, Erica M, and today in episode 21, we're unpacking the karmic and the secure and insecure attachment styles that create them. And of course, how the people we allow into our lives can either build us up or slowly dismantle us without us even realizing it. A topic that's pretty heavy, so hold your horses. Sometimes these patterns show up in romance, sometimes they're sitting across the conference table, and sometimes they're just people we've known for decades. I'm here to unpack it. Today's conversation is one I wanted to have for a very long time, to be honest. But, you know, all things come when they do, and I follow my divine guidance. So I felt it was time. I think it's one of the most misunderstood dynamics in relationships in general, friendships, families, and even the workplace. Hence that sort of pushed me into this, that intentionally set things in motion to destroy lives. And I want to help you identify these karmics and these karmic situations that are built by these karmics. But before we get into it, as usual, I want to make something very clear. Everything I share on this podcast is based on my life, things I've endured, withstood, and of course, beat. They are my own observations, my own experiences, and my own opinions. This is my story to tell. No names are being used, identifying details have been changed or omitted entirely, where appropriate, of course. And nothing shared here is intended to identify and, you know, reveal any specific individual, if you will. If someone happens to recognize themselves in something I describe well, that's their own interpretation, not because I identify them. And my intention isn't to expose people or violate anyone's privacy, nor am I interested in breaching confidentiality, professional obligations, or agreements I've made, um, knowing me or unknowingly, over the years. And this episode isn't about revenge, although some may think so. It's about justice after the storm. It's about recognition. It's about saying sometimes the serpents and snakes live closer than we think. And it's about connecting the dots, dots I wish I had connected years ago, sometimes months ago, or that others would have pointed out to me. It's about understanding why some people operate the way they do, and then they leave you stronger while others leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself. So if even one person listening today walks away recognizing a pattern before it costs them years of their life, then this conversation will have been worth having. So grab your dirty martini, your cumiac, your double espresso, your shot or sparkling water, whatever it is in your glass at this time. This is gonna be a long one. It may get uncomfortable, but hey, you're here for it, right? So get comfortable. Now let's unpack this. And for the record, it's not to spite anyone, it's to expose the truth as the truth is unmasked. So now that I've said that the karmic and secure and insecure attachment styles isn't a therapy session, the core theme here is really explained by my own personal story, right? And if it resonates, great. If it bothers you, you may want to click out now. I do not mince words here to coddle you or anyone. And I do not script these, even though it sounds scripted in the beginning because I have a legal disclaimer to disclose and what have you. I've written my own story so that I can follow it and try to stay on track. But for the most part, it's free range and I won't redo this. This is a one-time take. So errors may happen, you may hear a hiccup, you may hear a dog bark, so be it. I do my best to get those out and and in production, but at the end of the day, I'm really here for it, and I hope you are as well. So what you hear here stays here, and you get to experience it with me or not.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

The choice is yours. So here we go.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

In a culture that rewards performance over character, there is two dynamics that have affected my life: secure versus insecure attachment styles. So let's start with some of someone, let's say, who's secure. What does that look like? Firstly, let me just say not everyone who appears confident is secure. And we all know that, right? And not everyone who appears broken is insecure. A secure person seeks peace, and they do not design schemes or steal your identity nor plot revenge behind the scenes that is used and weaponized as justice, quote unquote. An insecure person actually seeks validation, the opposite. They require you to be treated special, often called, you know, sometimes matriarchs and patriarchs, of fake golden cages, I like to call them, designed to be a mirage of hidden wealth or wealth that they think that they have that they need to portray, that they have, that they don't, and usually is non-existent. At least that's been my experience. Or it's been bought by someone else or given by someone else, and it's never what it appears to be. If you look deep, you'll see the cracks in the wall. And they require every relationship to validate them in some way or another. Be certain of that. Like there's some unique and special snowflake, I've said that before, so they can feel above you. And they must have all your attention and affections to be loud and with an audience watching it. Or evidence like material things, cars, homes, jewelry, clothes. And they require teams of enablers. Don't forget those. They're narcissistic supply, because usually behind all that insecurity is narcissism traits. Not all people who have traits of narcissism are narcissistic, nor are they malignant narcissists. Um, but they do require something. It's supply. And that's called narcissistic supply. And you will never see them alone, or rarely, I should say, if ever, even though they can say, oh, I like to be alone. No, you don't. You will never see them alone, not for very long, or without multiple groups of different friendship circles. You'll see them, you know them, I knew. And I'd always be like, gosh, okay, this group's this group, that group's that group. And that includes family members. They'll gravitate to the person who will basically be doting on them, you know, enabling them, co-signing their bullshit. And it's usually a daughter, a mother, a grandma, anyone who's benefiting from them being the way that they are, right? And it's usually monetarily, it's usually a home or, you know, trips or free dinners or extra everything. Um, and they're always performance-based, they're ego-centered and usually, like I mentioned, narcissistic. And if not, they have a lot of narcissistic traits. So they seek these connections that are more like opportunities to gather as a precursor of markers to their fake lifestyle through that supply. And the pieces in the game, their environment feeds from a narrative, a narrative that their stories, they're curated lies. So I like to call them stories because really they're lies, but to repeat lies all the time is kind of redundant. So to narrate their stories, um, to support their false everything, their bravado. To give you a little context of who I am and where this all comes from, I'm going to give you a little background. My personal lens is one that I hold pretty dearly to my heart, but for the sake of self-preservation and authenticity, I began this podcast a year, a little over a year ago. Um, so this is, like I said, season two. And I share raw and honestly to demonstrate that I am the real of the real. And I have no problem sharing stuff, but I also know to what extent. I know that it can be weaponized against me. I know that people will use it to their advantage. And I really don't care because if you're here listening, then I hope you're here to heal, not to chastise and ridicule. I had to heal my own wounds, and this is my story. And, you know, I wasn't the only one that's been crossed in life. And keep in mind, if you haven't already listened to my previous podcasts, you know, maybe some episodes could enlighten you. You'll have some context, you'll have some background, and you'll understand my thinking or where this all comes from. You'll know that I'm no longer a victim, that I hold my own, and I'm also accountable and responsible. I can apologize and actually mean it. And I love purely, not by means of opportunity, like a lot of people do in these days. And we know a lot of those people. Now, like I said, for context to show you I'm not perfect and to show you that I've healed is really irrelevant. I mostly do this for me. I know it's selfish to say that, but it's true. It's the way that I get to vent, it's the way that I express myself. And as a highly intuitive and super empathic woman that I hold very dear to my heart, I don't just share to share. I don't just give to give. I'm not here because I need your applause. I don't. I could care less if I have 30 or 13 followers or zero. Like I said, I do this for me because I've learned to heal. I've learned to express myself in a way that's hopefully, like I mentioned earlier, will help another person to catch the pattern or catch what's going on in their present life and say, oh my God, this is happening to me. Why this feels familiar? In my life, I was always a massive overgiver and an oversharer. Um, that also later proved to be weaponized against me as a tool by the very people I loved and trusted. And this created a highly insecure attachment style within me to how I operated, to how it kept me from the light and from awakening fully long enough now to heal. Because every healing has a process and a timing. And not everything is given to us all at once. And I'm, as you know, if you've seen and heard, not seen, heard in my podcast, you'll know that I have a deep faith. So God gives us as much as we can handle. He never gives us too much. He gives us what he knows we can handle, and he gives it to us in his timing. So to keep me in the dark by pure gaslighting myself is pretty, is it it just wasn't going to work, not this time around. And, you know, that's what people use against us, gaslighting us to support their unfiltered story, their lies, so that they can stand on them. And because of that, I've suffered immensely. I grew up in a family that was dictated by a malignant narcissist's mother. I didn't know that was what it was called back then, nor did I know that through most of my life up until recently, to be honest with you. It's kind of embarrassing, but not really, to think that at 55 I finally healed all this. But thank God I have. I broke curses, I've broken chains of generational curses that were placed upon me without even knowing. And that mother I had was um was pretty, pretty good at villainizing me. She made me her kickball and she upheld me as the problem and made me the black sheep in the family by triangulation. Um, I was born and groomed by that very triangulation, by the way, allowing her flying monkeys, which were my brothers and my father and my extended family to some extent, all to uphold her image, her false, I don't hate to say it, but her falsities, her lies, her stories. And her favorite weapon was loud rage. Yeah. Fits that often involved physical abuse, that were her favorite part, the physical power over me. It was a tool for her to abuse me with her rage. And those are things I can never erase or unsee or unfeel or unf or forget, but I appealed them. And her her objective in my life was to create a world of chaos, mental, psychological warfare that really it was pretty hard. So, suffice to say, that I know both internal and external abuse and can recognize it and the patterns that existed because of it, but I didn't know how to get out of it. And all this because she was herself deeply insecure and highly mentally unstable, operating under masks and excuses for her behavior through extremely extreme bouts of jealousy over me, my freedom, my voice, my beauty, me, her only daughter. And she always competed with me, which I have found most women do. I don't know why, but they feel the need to have to be better than me. Um she hated most of my friends, if not all, and she chasted, she, you know, chastised my beauty and my very existence and presence if I got too much attention. And she hated, she pretty much hated me. And she wanted to dictate how I dressed, how I looked, what my weight was. Um, and she lived to break me through all of these things in giving and taking away love, um, destroying any self-esteem I had, and until I didn't have any at all, actually. And she did a great job at it because until her deathbed, I questioned myself, and maybe I'm just unlovable. As a young girl, an adult, I learned the hard way that I didn't fully learn who I really was until after she died. And that was four years ago, when I was forced to face her narcissistic supply, my family, even my only son, whom she had a vice grip over since birth. I had to return back home when I got divorced from my narcissistic, malignant con artist ex-husband, whom I had picked because of default. You know, these are patterns I knew. This was all I knew love was. And she pushed me into that marriage. It's a long story. But she claimed him as her own, basically. And I was powerless to fight her because I was working two jobs, paying rent at my father's home, my mother and father, but my father demanded it. Um, that I pay, it was, I think, $400 a month. And it was the garage that had converted into a little guest place for me, me and my son. But they helped my son, you know, get him up in the morning, which was six in the morning because I had to go to work by seven, and yet later weaponized that against me and said, You are never there for your son, yet I had to work and pay rent. And I was making like $13, $12 an hour at most. And yeah, that happened. And despite that, I stayed under her thumb because I was unaware that I could really leave and never look back. But I didn't know what I was going to do with my son. So I told myself the story that this is what I needed to do for him, which later turned out to be the demise of my relationship with my son, which is another story all in itself. And I prayed that he gets healing and that he find himself and that if he's listening, he knows that I will always love him. But I do not accept what he's done and taken on. Because as adults, we have, especially now in this day, we have so much knowledge and so and he's so bright and so much awareness as to how we can heal. But he's part of that millennial, if you will, he's 33, he's part of that era where people are discarding their parents left and right. And I'm saying it's an epidemic. And at the time I didn't know that. You know, seven years ago, I wasn't sure what was going on. I thought, God, what did I do to deserve this? And never hit him. Yes, I was tough, but I was a mother and a father, an absent ex-husband who, of course, like I mentioned, narcissist, malignant. Once it was done, it was done. And he never looked back, not even for his son. So I was on my own. And that's why I had to work two jobs, and that's why I had to go back home to my mother. It was just like a domino effect. So these insecure and secure attachment styles aren't light things. These are not small topics. These are huge. They affect every area of our lives, every decision we make. So I'm gonna put some time into explaining all this to you so that you understand this isn't just me reading off some book or some script and telling you, hey, this is what happened. No, this is the real truth. So I stayed under her thumb, unaware that I could actually leave and never look back, which I tried to do many times, but never succeeded at because of the guilt that was placed on me by family and by my brothers or by my son or by someone saying, you know, she's like that, and the excuses and this and that. And so I would go back. Oh, she's your mother. Let me tell you right now, F that. Mother, father, put whatever you want in front of that. You do not have to accept anyone's abuse, be it physical, mental, psychological, none of it. And I implore you to not. So that being said, my mother, the very one that was supposed to guide and protect and love me, chose to design an insecure and weak girl that turned into that woman. And by how? Creating false narratives that supported her bullshit. To either build herself up in society or within the family to create this insecure monsters to react against me. Triangulation. I call them her flying monkeys, by the way. Look, this isn't a sob story. I don't need your empathy or your sympathy, I should say. Uh, the story is context to demonstrate to you that we end up behaving as we allow ourselves to be treated. And we actually react if we're reactive and we know it. You know, when you're doing something, you're like, oh my God, why am I doing this? It's because we're taught it's knee-jerk reaction and we get what we tolerate in this life and we actually get back what we give. And that's called karma. So the karmic really does exist from all these things. And these attachment styles that I'm speaking of are, you know, they're simply learned in childhood, in my opinion. And it's my experience and what I've seen as well, usually by the mothers who have no power over themselves, who've lost themselves in their own dynamic. And so they ruin their children as the very foundation of the life that they promise to give to another, their children. And it's no wonder, as today is society as we look around us, is so many sick people living among us as narcissistic and broken people, walking, breathing, and living among us, hidden behind titles and shiny material things, wealth and the obvious erosion of healthy parenting. Um, there isn't that anymore. And it's very rare if you see it. You know, they create these trauma bonds, codependency, and toxic communication styles. And what they want was really, I think, in my opinion, to feel something, you know, to feel valid, anything that made them believe it was love. And all the while they weaponized fear in their prey, which is sadly their children. These attach were husbands and wives, uh, were all of the above. You know where to put that. So these attachment cell types live to confuse others, but eventually always circled the drain for validations and continue to until their last breath, just like my mom. So, to give you more context, I grew up hating every single moment of my life as a child and teen. And while other times I had what appeared to be confidence, it was a mere mask. As later I too behaved in grandiosity and mirroring my mother's behavior. I truly hated my mother and her false bravado. So that was in itself a punishment, seeing myself and my mother. I was like, ew, yuck, no. So growing up in that was all I knew. And it was very hard to face. And as a result, it led a lot of my personal dysfunctions and decisions in every aspect and every relationship I ever had later in my life. And you see, the bad decisions I made and continue to make continued as an adult throughout the years because I was an I was on the autopilot. I was running on just what I knew. I was running on fumes. And despite knowing better and wanting more, I couldn't figure my way out. I just couldn't, I didn't know how. I would go to therapy, I would do the yoga, I would do the acupuncture, but I was so seeding inside and I couldn't get it out. And I was trying my best to be a great person and succeed in life in general, is what I thought was success. Um, but it was always temporary because karma, no matter what you do, right? Like for instance, if I'm gonna sleep with someone's man and I know that's someone else's man, somehow it's gonna come back to me. I use that as an example. So I couldn't break a cycle of double-edged swords that I held in my own hand toward my own heart. Uh the karma would always show up one way or another with faster back. And I felt it. And I felt mostly like an alien in my own skin. And I truly believe I was cursed. I do believe that to this day, uh that there was a curse placed over me. And you know, when I say curse, people, I don't think like witchy poo-hoo-hoo, wa, you know, woo-woo, all that voodoo shit. It does, by the way, exist and it is real, and I have never used it against anyone, nor would I ever, nor am I capable of something like that. But it was dispelled upon me by evil eye, by jealousy. Jealousy in itself is a spell. And that was dispelled, dispelled upon me by my own mother as a child, and growing up amplified that. So I grew up among that. I was always looked at like, I don't know, like I was some anomaly of some sort. I was never like my family. I was always outcasted. And I grew up into my own person, but always feeling like I was a failure. So my mother's attempts to take away my family by excluding me was to isolate and confine me. She enjoyed that. She would berate me to the family, uh, expose my private life. And she never once stood up for me. I was supposed to be, I guess my mother's idea was to be her flying monkey that she that I obeyed. And praised, and you know, like all the other ones did, and with total surrender. But she could never break me and she could never make me. And I refused. And she hated me for that. And her hate only intensified through the years. I I literally was the most hated in my family, and to this day, I still am, this very day. They kept me from both her funerals when she passed. Uh, she passed on May 1st, 2022, and they stole my inheritance. I never knew what happened to anything. The house, the jewelry that she said would be mine. Not that I needed wanted any of that. I just want to know where my mom rested, how she rested. I wanted to attend and respect the fact that she called me the day before she died. I think she knew she was dying, and next morning she died. It's in one of my episodes. One day I'll have to dedicate that, but I don't know if I really want to. I'm unpacking it now, so now you know. So my very family to this day hate my resilience. And I'm one resilient Emma motherfucker, let me tell you. And I hate how I betrayed myself. But that's what you get taught when you're when you're the only one standing up for yourself, when you're only one beating yourself back off to everyone, you know, like get away from me, leave me alone. You have to be strong, you have to be loud. I had three brothers, one of which tried to rape me when I was 11 and a half, 12. I can't remember the exact age, but I remember the day like it was yesterday. And I don't use that, so it's powerful. I use that as context, so you know, this is not BS. I was hated. So I hated my mom because I couldn't tell her. And when I told her, she used it against me. She weaponized everything she could all the time. And now in hindsight, I can see it. You know, they hate my resilience. They hate that I can overcome, they hate that I can build from nothing. And that's who I've always been. And now I stepped into that fully. And the only thing that has changed is I've grown older and I've healed. The me that was placed upon my head and upon my life by words of hate and evils that were just casted upon me. And a mother that even after death took a huge toll over my life, once again, leaving a trail of betrayals. And that runs so deep. I mean, it's still hard to discuss, to be honest. Yet here I am, seven years this fall, having not spoken to any of them. And all I did was chase understanding, trying to understand them and forgive, ask for forgiveness, see what it did, how could I make it better? Trying to create some kind of maybe a magical bond that never existed. And to be honest, I never needed it. I just felt I needed to do it for the same validation I never received as a child. Um, for somehow felt that it would reoccur or somehow become after she passed. And I thought it was supposed to like free me or free some sort of pattern, but it didn't. And so I never received it from her, from them. Um, and to free me through that, I had to see the full picture. And I stopped overexplaining and asking and stopped reacting. And being a true empath that I am, a sensitive and very in tune woman. Um, I also had to recognize that I was a highly insecure person. And although I could be confident, both existed. And one made me weaker and the other built me. Actually, they both did the same, if I'm to be honest. If I'm to be real, I think both existed at the same time to build me and break me. And I I know that being highly insecure throughout my life has made me an easy target to people, just like my mother, you know. I married an identical husband to my mother. I chose friends that looked at me like a pawn, you know, the kind that, oh, do you want to do this? But yeah, we'll do it on my terms. Oh, you come to my house, you know, never the other way around. It was never reciprocal. I'd accept job offers that paid me close to nothing to keep me oppressed, but I give 150%. Something that I just did recently, by the way, and learned the hard way not to be. And that is, that was the final wake-up call, I believe, on how to actually, and I, and you know, come full circle. I'm so proud of myself that I've learned that oppression, other people's jealousy, other people's insecure attachments, other people's storylines are not mine. They're theirs. And I could still be a good person, but the moment I know, I am out. And no, I won't take revenge, but I will seek justice and I will not be silenced. You know, I was usually the person who was easily taken advantage of. And today, with a strong personality, I took all my power back. I used my unresolved anger as fuel and changed everything and everyone in my life and transmuted that pain. That some people may say, oh, you manifested. Well, I'm a great manifester, so I have to be very careful what I speak into existence or what I desire. Um, but I, as I mentioned, I don't do spell work and I don't touch tarot cards. I just stopped that a while ago. I am 100% sober. I don't smoke, I don't drink. And I learned to be alone and love it. And I learned to surround myself with real people. And it's very few, let me tell you. A lot of times people would go, gosh, E, why don't you just get out? And I'm like, I'm good. I'm really good. And I know what's going on. I have this divine connection to God and I know how to follow his guidance. I I don't know when that happened, but I believe it's just like I said, a process and full circle, it's come. So that in itself um has also been weaponized against me to keep me from knowing my place. Um, but again, it is what it is. And I've learned not to not to leave myself in those spots when I find myself there. I learned to pull myself up, pull myself back out, and move on. And sometimes in a way that most people don't expect. So, uh, where was I? That in itself has been such a process that it's it's very hard to talk about, but I'm here for it. And I'm hoping you are as well. And if it resonates with you, well, then I hope it opens your eyes and you have some aha moments to your own life and to where you stand in your own place and to take some accountability for what you've accepted as well as what you'll discard. Um so, like I mentioned, you know, when I took my power back, it was later weaponized against me to keep me from knowing from my family's perspective where she rested and what the details of her will was and what happened to the house. And all of it was weaponized against me, and just as they would use my being an attractive, outspoken woman by others, you know, to somehow diminish me. I was a double threat, or I've been a double threat, I should say. So they made sure I was always left out, ignored, and bypassed, like I always was, whether it's a friendship group, whether it was my family, whether it was work, some way, shape, or form, it would show up. And I had to see it. Like, why is this happening here? Or like I would be with a guy who eventually I found out after two years of on and off, because I was so weak and so distraught when I met him. Um, I knew I was on my way to healing, but like I was being tested and I kept failing that test. So God kept showing it to me in ways that I could understand it through pain. So, like always, I dragged myself through the mud to figure out what it is I need to stand up for. And for me, I guess I truly have, if I were to be honest, no family. Um one bothered to let me know where my mom rested or when her funeral was, although they could have picked up a phone and said, I'm not supposed to tell you, but I think you should know. And that is the part that I really have the hardest time with because I feel like, how can you be my cousin or how can you be my aunt and sit there and do nothing? Well, how can people sit there and film someone being beat to death on the street and do nothing? That's how it feels. I can't. It's not in me. So I learned to lean into my pain. And even though I didn't know it at the time, uh, it began to heal me in a way that made me stronger. And it's been my strongest weapon, my faith and my discernment. So the insecure attachment in me, while can still be alive in times and areas of my life, um, I did allow others to use me, not because I was weak, but because my kindness was taken for weakness. And it was all I knew to behave as, you know, because that's what I want to be. I want to be kind. I want to be good, I want to give. And it made me predictable, malleable, and easier to manipulate, you know, to anyone who needed narcissistic supply, of course, to meet their needs and wants. So most of the time they did, and no, to no avail to how it made me feel because they knew what they were doing. So it was like I was on repeat cycle in the in the laundromat, and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. You know, as a young girl, I always wanted to be picked. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be chosen by someone, I wanted the boyfriend, I wanted to be, and I had a lot of that, don't get me wrong. Um, only to finally feel validated, but not feel validated, because it was like you would aspire for something, right? And you'd get it, and then you'd go, why isn't this making me feel whole? Why don't I feel better? But what happened was I needed to be shown in ways that I knew I was okay and lovable all on my own in God's time. I know that now. And the anxiety, although constant, and my fight and flight survival mode was on all the time, 24-7, and I didn't even see it. Sometimes I did, I'd get glimpses of it through my behavior, but then I'd be like, oh no, that's not me. And sadly, the truth is so many people never really do. So they never heal their childhood wounds and much less care to even try. And so they use their circumstances like I did and others in general to satisfy their unhealed mental-emotional state by hurting other people, continuing that cycle, operating under masks that later show up as gold digging, gold, I say gold diggers, gold diggers, cheaters, thieves, junkies, alcoholics, sex addicts, gamblers, basically counterfeit people, you know. And uh a lot of people hide behind faith, you know, to be seen a certain way in society, or better said, validated. And we all can see that among us right now. What's going on in the world is pretty bad. So again, what I found was that I had full control of all the narratives in my life, and they shifted. And when that happened, I began to truly grow. I began to grow in my personal life, in my career, in my faith, and in my convictions and discernment. Um, because I started applying them for once in a way where it wasn't just convenient sometimes and not the other. I do it when I was most uncomfortable, kicking and screaming, usually behind closed doors, like, God, why? I've done everything you told me to do. Um, but that's how it goes. So it's also when the darkness tries the hardest to attack you. And I personally know that to be one of the hardest times of my life. And these past four years have proven that. So you see, once a target, and I say target because we are like targets, people who are empathic, uh, narcissists target. They recognize, once the target recognizes manipulation and stops participating, like I did, we often become the problem in the eyes of the group, be it friend group, workplace, friendships, etc. Love. You know where it placed that label. And God forbid that I or you speak up defending ourselves because explaining ourselves to situations because it usually just drops existing power dynamic. And then you get silenced by being discarded and ghosted and shamed, basically. And the group loyalty, whichever it is, whichever one category or all, can supersede the actual truth. And that type of isolation can drive a person into madness because it's complete, it's done on purpose. You see, empaths attract narcissists. Empaths are easy prey for highly conscientious people. And we are people that often assume others operate with similar ethics until evidence proves otherwise. And then we're devastated, right? So hurt, and the constant feeling of being betrayed, we normalize it. You know, I did. I know I did. I did so that I wouldn't feel that much pain, but I don't do that anymore. I stand in front of it, I see it, and I recognize it, and I don't allow anyone to sway me or gaslight me. Manipulative groups frequently need a target, by the way, or a scapegoat to redirect their attention away from their own conduct. Did you hear that? Manipulative groups frequently need a target or a scapegoat to redirect attention away from their own conduct. So they create scenes and lives out of empaths, you know? They're the toys, and a sad result is when we become their collateral damage. You know, the people that rolled their eyes to, uh, they rolled their eyes to because that's their experience. Oh, they're just oh God, you know, they're too much or they're this. Anyway, for years I'd fight back when that happened and cry and anger or drowned in anger, I should say, because no one was there to help me get rid of it or have justice. So the innocent person, being sometimes myself, was harmed while others protect their own interests, was always made to be, I was always made to be the black sheep are wrong, the dark cloud, why they caused the reaction. And then the scapegoating often looks like an and includes, of course, isolation, reputation attacks, gang stalking, smear campaigns, slander, defamation of character, and or complete character assassination. And selective storytelling, of course, um, the tall tales and blatant lies that portray the person who objected uh as unstable, difficult, or even disloyal. And that's ironic because that's the one thing I pride myself on is loyalty. We're considered disobedient, dangerous, um, sometimes even bipolar or toxic. And so standing up for yourself is not an easy thing to do. It's very hard, especially when you've got no one backing you. And it frequently changes how others describe you. Not because your character changed, but because you roll in their story changed overnight, situation by situation until it erodes the public or familial relationship and perception. Empaths can be labeled or be me misdiagnosed as difficult, demanding, uncooperative, and too much all the time. I was all the time, like all the time. I was either labeled misdiagnosed or just as difficult, and yeah, it can be difficult. Who can't be? Demanding, outspoken, uncooperative, too much. Really? Well, maybe you're not enough. Maybe you're the problem. And while there is an upside to all these things I mentioned, deep dives into the ways and the whys have to be discovered and healed as a personal experience. I can't tell you how to do it. Or the cycle will continue from generation to generation, from relationship to relationship, until you finally wake up or you just don't and you learn to live in it. So this is me refusing to remain silent, to be silenced as I move through my life. I've been faced with them in friend groups, workplaces, and oftentimes hidden alliances. Um, and those became my adversaries. I have sifted through life time after time with friends, only to realize we were never aligned beyond my compliance. Was I an idiot? I don't know. Was I blind? Or were just being compliant? That's what I knew. In many ways, yes, but an idiot I'm not. If you've been unknowingly sold out to yourself by the lowest bidder, thrown down the basement of the golden cages that they lived in, I am proved that you can heal and get the fuck up. There's an entire support system usually construed to uphold the abusers that position their stories against us, but we can fight back by finding ourselves and using our voice for the better good. People protecting deception over truth, well, that's common and that's never gonna stop. And to this day, not a single one of the people who've I believe could have made a difference has ever examined themselves or their parts to show their loyalty and or ask for any forgiveness. Not one, not one friend, not one co-worker, not one family member, none. And I know it because, well, they're truly the weaker link, in my opinion, by not doing that. And they just show their colors even more, and that just shows I was right. The insecure one in this scenario the entire time are those people. Well, I thought I was, it was actually them. So they stay ghosting you to coordinate the counterfeit narratives that they live behind, to preserve their friend group's image by bot loyalty that's usually circular. Repackaging experiences when their mask slips to remain that gold, shiny object. Oh yes, oh, queen this, queen that, or king this. Please, I'm gonna put my finger down my throat. They hide behind their fancy lifestyle, their golden cage, their, I guess I'm gonna say it, their fiance that has another whole family, whole wife, and then they pretend behind luxury material things to appear better than you that are all just fake temporary placeholders. And they're all built on quicksand that can never turn into something real. Could you hear that again? It's never gonna be, you can't turn fake into real. So they give it their best shot and they hide behind these friends that they call mom, sister, lover, the cheating husband that you call fiance, a wife, whatever. Put it where you want it. Label it as you want it, I should say. And they construct tailored smear campaigns and slander you, often beginning after someone establishes some control, regain their boundaries, or pursues accountability through justice, like I have, and begins exposure of those truths and facts. I have no problem telling people who they are, but they sure have a problem listening to it. So you see, the manipulative personalities frequently they they recruit these supporters who know only one version of the truth, and that isn't even the truth, because they're not giving them the truth of even themselves. They paint these lives of themselves and events that are mastered by chronological lies, manipulation, and truly, honestly, most of them are such great actors and actresses that they should receive Oscars. Heck, some actually do, I'm pretty sure. That being said, um for me, the difference between conflict today and accountability is that accountability relies on evidence. That's why I don't seek revenge, I seek justice. And when necessary, a legal process that relies on documentation, testimony, and findings, not popularity. This is an a popularity and beauty pageant contest. I am not interested because I don't compete where there is no comparison, darling. And betrayal has taught me pattern recognition, how to spot it. And that trust alone could never have just given me. So telling me you can trust me or this is the way it is. No, I don't trust that. I trust what I see and pattern recognition. And that is due to my hyper-vila vigilance, if you will, because if you it's taught me to pick up on the tiniest clues and details most overlook and never see or find. So learning these patterns doesn't require becoming cynical, by the way. But for a time I was. I think it it sort of made me bitter when I had my last personal loving relationship three years ago. And I say loving because I loved, I love purely from my heart and soul. I really cared. Uh, only to find out that person had another person the entire time and never had any interest in being with me, really, because he was already taken. And I'm not like a lot of these women who will take your man and build a whole life around it and think that that's gonna win. And who are you winning against? Who did you take? How did you win? By destroying someone else's life? That's not me. Soon as I found out I was gone, it was done. I called him out and I was done. And you know who you are. And a lot of this applies to him because that person was in a luxury car industry and my God lived in a penthouse and pretended to be so much hot shit that right now I can tell you has lost everything pretty much. I don't really care to know the other details of it, but I know enough to know that karma has hit that mother effort in the ball sack. Just as it's going to hit a lot of people who've recently crossed me. Not because of me, but because justice will prevail and the truth will always come out one way or another. In the end, it always does. And if it's not the end, well, then it's not the end. So I became and have become discerning. And my discernment today is my secret weapon, and no one can change that, no matter what, no matter who. Personally, I learned to self regulate my own nervous system to break those curses and to forgive the offenders that never took accountability and asked for forgiveness. Never. There's a difference between forgiveness and allowing. Repeated access, by the way. I learned to remove access, and forgiveness came from myself for allowing it to have even occurred. But you don't know what you don't know until you know it. And you're so uncomfortable, you have no choice but to ask yourself. And you say, sink or swim. And one of my favorite lines, uh, my son and I used to say it back in the day, and he would always sing it to me. He's like, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. And I've learned to swim. I'm a master swimmer, and I'm proud to say that I've kept swimming. Despite being repeatedly pushed down and trying to be drowned, denied air just to be me. I have access to the air around me today without prejudice or negative commentary. I am my own keeper. I've learned the hardest of lessons through deep pain and rejections that only abused children experience. And my experiences were on repeat until I was finally strong enough to learn to trust myself, to love myself, and to really break away and change for me. Not them, not because I needed to, not because of circumstances, but for me. And those that eventually I would allow around me again and to have access to me, well, I used my discernment. So you see, a person's boundaries say more about a person than any words can. It's more than that that changes a heart, at least mine, towards someone you thought or I thought would always love and care and be loyal toward me because I gave it, right? So to say I have lost is an understatement. But sometimes when you lose, you do win. And you've heard me say that in episodes before. So my my truth is that sometimes justice has to be louder than your desire for revenge. And that always has been my take. No matter what, I have never been able to be revengeful against anyone. I was younger, maybe, which was not too long ago. Just kidding. I wanted revenge in a some way or another. Who doesn't want to see someone suffer if they've if they've hurt you? But even if I said I didn't, maybe I did want a little bit. Because it would make me so angry that I was fooled and taken. And that deep down I was betrayed again out of my own loyalty, that not to say I can still feel certain feelings like that. Of course I can. That I'm not one to act out on it as vengeance or let it erode at me through anger or revenge tactics that were hidden, even, you know, even I did that. I mean, who doesn't at some point? I had to heal it. So I'm not one to be built to break, if you will. Um, nor am I going to try to break other people down so that revenge is uh in my lane. No, but thank you. I personally cannot align with hurting others to satisfy my own lower vibration. And every one of us has a lower vibration. I don't care who you are. I cannot, I cannot align myself as a Christian and feel good about hurting others and trying to take them down to suffer because I looked bad. Really? I don't know. I pray for them now, just like I pray for my past employers and their fake lives and their fake husband, which isn't a husband, a boyfriend who has a whole other family, as I mentioned. But guess what? I don't care. That's their life and cross to bear. But don't cross me with that cross, because then you'll see the wrath in me. I don't stand back and go, hey, you can hurt me and there's no consequence. Like I said, I choose justice over revenge. And I don't sit back and go, look at what I did to them, ha ha ha ha. And gather groups of posse and friends and say, let's out, you know, isolate that person. I could care less. If you need to do that, God, that says so much about you. That's never been me. And I pray it never is. I really do. But somehow, those people find me and they don't mind trying to do that to my life or my finances or my livelihood, but I am done taking it. So some even attempt to literally curse me, literally, I mean that. Isolate me, throwing stones and hiding their dirty hands, thinking I don't see it, ghosting me immediately, trying to trigger a reaction so that they can stand back and say, see, see, I told you, which they never can, because really, I mean, I think I'm a little smarter than that. Don't underestimate me. And they've grossly overestimated how much they underestimated me in my intelligence. And I'm here for it. Well, they've all had uh to pay dearly, believe me. I'm speaking in general now. For anyone who's ever across me, it's your own karma, and you are the karmic, and there is prices to pay for that. And it will be that way for everyone in life, no matter what. Insecure, secure. You don't get to be something just by osmosis. You have to work for it. And it wasn't because I did anything special to cause any kind of anything to produce this. I learned because of experiences and I started applying it and I started listening to my inner voice. And you'll see it in my life. And like you've heard this a gazillion times, we all reap what we sow, including me. So I don't play with God's order. I don't play with God at all. For God will not allow the enemy to prosper over my life because I am obedient to him and him only, always in all ways. And if I ever wanted revenge, it's against what's been done to me. So I give it to him. I give it back and return it to sender and allow time to do its thing while I transmute negative energy backward and use it as my fuel. And let me tell you, although it's hard to sit back, I 100% always get to see the karmic retribution because what's been done to me has been some dirty, shitty, crappy things meant to destroy me, meant to take me off my level, meant to actually cause reactions. And I'll give you an example. Recently I had a position where I took out of need, not having been in the hospital, having, you know, having, I'm sorry, having been in the hospital and healing my health. I won't go into too much detail. I accepted a part-time gig that paid as much as literally McDonald's wage. I literally mean a McDonald's wage. Um, yes, McDonald's, you heard that right. And at hours there was supposed to be a very minimum at most, so that I could keep doing what I knew I could do, which was build my own, you know, studio, go and get back on my path. Because like I said, I had been through some health issues due to what had been, what had happened to me. And I won't go into that too much, but I do believe it had a lot to do with it's weird how it happened, but I won't go into it. Anyway, maybe I will one day. Eventually I was fooled. Um, and I I was fell, I fell into this trap, if you will, because A, I was happy to start working again. I was okay with like the McDonald minimum wage type, because I was gonna work more than 18, maybe 25 hours a week. Um, but those people were liars and karmic by nature and evil spirited because they lied from the gate who they were, how they got their money, how they got the business, what they were operating under, how it was working. I saw the holes in the wall, but I didn't want to really see them because I felt, wow, these people look decent. They look like they're moral. And that's what I mean by fake, shiny things. But guys, not everything that glitters is gold. They lacked more morality and live under these false pretenses. It's sad. It's truly disgusting, in my opinion. But hey, that's their lives to live. But when it affects my life, uh-uh. So I was told a lot of things when I entered that situation over how they acquired their business or their wealth and how it would work out for me later if I stayed and I operated um behind the scenes at full blast, you know? And I did. I gave way more. I get I fell back into overgiving, overbelieving in people. I was made to think that I was part of something, only to be dropped literally like an egg on the floor and never given a napkin. Um, when I decided not to accept the final offer at the end, because it was just not good enough. And at that point, I already knew who that person was and what they were doing and how it worked because I'm intuitive enough to put the pieces together. I don't need to have all this, you know, the details, and nor am I going to share them. But it's basically, you know, somebody who's operating as a mistress, you know, an only overpaid only fans situation. Not that that's the truth. No one was an OnlyFans that I know of. I mean, I don't know. But basically, a gold digger found her sugar daddy and creates this whole life about it and creates a life that then involves other people's lives. And then when it's not being, you know, it's not kosher anymore, they exit and think that they could just wipe their hands of you. And it's like, wait a minute, you just strung me along and now I'm dropped, and now I'm not getting what you said I was promised. I've given everything, and now you want me to stand back and take it? No, fuck you. I don't give a shit who you are. That's not my scenario. That's not who I am. And ultimately, no, absolutely not. You know, what was hidden behind smiles and treating me as an idiot doesn't stand today. I have a big heart that I protect, and I believed in people, and I stayed to help and build and help is the word. Okay. I gave with nothing given back to me. But what ended up happening is what I used as my own fuel. Um, and you know what? It's okay. It's okay because I'm better for it. I found my way again. Thank you, God. I know that that was used as a catalyst for me to step back up and into my full flight of me. And that I have done, my friend, with no money, with no uh hidden sugar daddy or sugar papa or wannabe husband or fiance that doesn't really exist because he's already married. I did it on my own. And not because I had to lie to my friend groups and say, she's so ungrateful. What am I ungrateful for? I gave you way more than anything. And you know what? This group, this family, this whatever, this co-op that I collaborated with and co-signed and stood by in participation. It was all done because I was lied to. And as the story goes, once you know you can't unknow it, that's what I did. I left. And to subdue me, some people in that establishment told me certain things would change upon a certain timeline that never did. And when it didn't, I was villainized for sending up for myself and walking out. I left. Any secure human being would. I was no longer. See, that's what I mean by like people mistaking what kindness for weakness. No. Draw the drama of it is a huge reality checkup. No, thank you. Calling it out and then saying, guess what? Crickets. Not an email, not a conversation, nothing. Nothing to get in the details of it because I I really don't need to. But at that point, I'm just sharing. At this point, I should say. I think it's unnecessary to get in too many details for legal reasons, but for context. The truth is, I unknownly hitched my wagon to an entitled, spoiled pair of, I don't want to say it, people that barely have a foot here in the US. And believe me, that is the games that these types of people play because they come here to take, not to add value. And so the story goes and plays out, replays out as empathy toward, oh, the immigrant, because they have no integrity and have zero morality and stepping on people's necks while they're here and arrive here. They take, take, take, expect, and then say, oh, Americans this or Americans that. Well, why the fuck are you here then? Go back. Uh, you're here on a what? Scholarship? You're here because you have what? From where? How does how did you acquire that? How was that sustained? Yeah, I figured that all out too. So it's a thing that people like this exist and you know them, you know, I know them. And it's where I go back to that term when people say hurt people, hurt people. Well, entitled people think that they don't hurt people and they're entitled to it. So the they act out in ways that break others' lives without any remorse, without any consequence. And I didn't understand that until I did. And to think now in hindsight, even when I was broken or hurt, it's never been my goal to return betrayal in the same way. I just get justice today. I don't get off and breaking other people down or watching them suffer or watching them go hungry or making sure they can't pay their bills or rent like they did with me, or looking at them and saying, I wish them loneliness or no romance. I don't need to do that. God's got me. Yet the levels in which these people have operated has done me uh pretty dirty. To me, it's pretty apparent, and I'll leave it there. My experience was that this was one of many jealousy, insecure types that affected my life. And that's what I mean by the karmic. I decided to create this episode to help others spot it because it's not harmless. Envy and jealousy is what breeds insecurity, it's what moves the karmic wheels. And as karmic people move as snakes, those people will never have the guts to look at you in the eyes or themselves, because they have built their world out of lies on a foundation of quicksand and jealousies. It's it's a house of cards. So take example, the other woman, you will. Similar to many today, they think they're sleeping with married men, bears fruit. Well, they can't even, they can they can eat and never get poisoned by the similar to many. They think that they can just continue on their way and nothing's gonna happen. What a huge mistake. Now, have I ever been the other woman? I mean, in so many words, of course. Yes, I made that mistake, but not with a married man. I did it with someone who had a girlfriend, and that was decades ago. But yes, it did happen. She did have a girlfriend. And I wanted so badly for him not to have a girlfriend. I wanted to be the girlfriend. I wanted to be the one that was there. I was operating in my insecure attachment style, and I justified it at every chance I got. Have I dated a man that had a girlfriend before since then? Uh no, I haven't, to be honest with you. Did I knowingly try? No, I did not. But did it happen? It did through my last relationship. I didn't know he was attached. So, like I mentioned, I'm not proud of it. It wasn't yesterday that I did that, but I am, you know, I'm aware that I've paid karma for it because sometimes we stay blind because we don't want to see it. We don't want to believe it. And anyway, that was my story. So I'm not perfect either. I don't judge anyone for it. But when you continually purposefully do it, and then you pretend to have no idea by creating these false narratives and stories so that people believe you over the actual truth andor me. Uh, sorry, not gonna happen. So some of my alliances that I poured myself into recently were broken because I thought to myself, why am I attached to a broken wagon and I see the red flags? You know, why have I painted them orange and yellow and rainbow colors? Only to realize I was walking in something, not knowing the full picture, and I can forgive myself and walk away. I was working for karmic people. Had I known not to start, I would never have gone there. I would never have invested the way that I did. I wouldn't have been able to. My heart would not have been able to. So I do believe there's a certain kind of person that's able to destroy other people's lives because they want their life. But I was gaslit and made to believe it was not like that. And these people and the entourage of enablers all have a hand in those deceptions. Why? Well, it's one family, and because they're all monetarily living vicariously through that, of course they're going to. It's called codependency. And they were literally and are literally invested in it. So I was sold the idea that they deserve some kind of, I don't know, love, uh, wealth over me. And I knew that wasn't right, but I was like, I was being fed that. And I was like, okay, I think I get it, but this doesn't feel right. So I don't see how living a lie works for other people living in these lies, but I do know we don't get away with anything in this lifetime, not a damn thing. And taking someone else's life and playing house is going to is not going to align with a good person's moral or value. And justifying that is delusional because these people build entire lives around that. People do it all the time. You know, they create LLCs to hide assets and they breed children around their delusional lies and stories they tell others. And then wear the masks of goodwill. Literally being a modern-day sex worker does not make you a good person, darling. It's like similar to Russian prostitution, basically, that are just as they know. And I'm sorry if you're Russian, but they're known for being this way. They're known for being out to get the man that's rich and that. They don't have a care for who it affects or how they get their money. And they'll never, ever not wear that label or that mask that they wear differently because they don't care who they hurt, so long as their masks don't slip or get taken down. When a person intentionally sits out to break an innocent person that they intentionally plot to take from, those are the poisonous serpents you read about in the Bible on dateline. And that will never feel real self-worth or any peace. They'll never, ever be, I should say, how is it? They'll never have self-love. They're only going to be chasing shiny gold syndrome. Well, not everything that glitters is made of gold, baby. It's counterfeit love and a counterfeit lifestyle. It will be seen. Material things given to anyone to help take someone else down is a soul trade with the devil himself, and that is fact. It's downright demonic, soul trading to receive what your ego wants, albeit fame, wealth, a family, child, fill in the blanks. And when they accept that they have to wear these lies as masks by force, because that's what happens, they put themselves in positions like a golden cage where their money is now attached to that person, and that person will justify it like however they wish to, for example, you know, and there's another example. Like, for instance, women who get on OnlyFans, you know, those types, and you know them, I know them. It's the way they make their fast money and they're willing to degrade themselves at any cost just for that quick dollar. And they live among us, and some show it and some don't. But I don't get on OnlyFans, so I don't know what's going on there. But I do know that when you sell your soul to the devil for money, like they do in the industry in the entertainment industry, um, and we see it rampant now and has existed forever, you will end up paying the devil back for it. Because nothing's for free, darling. Nothing. And this said, I don't down anyone trying to make an honest living, but I don't agree andor respect OnlyFans. But OnlyFans really is just another cheap way to say I'm a prostitute or a sex worker, just like if accepting the role of the other woman knowingly. I mean, honestly, it is. It's the exact same thing. And that's exactly what you'll get. You don't just get to do OnlyFans and reap the rewards and not sow what you reaped. So that said, the insecure, the secure attachment styles all stem from one thing. How do you see yourself? Do you love yourself? Do you really? Because a person who loves themselves acts in that love. And I today would never accept that kind of disrespect. So do you truly love yourself? Ask yourself that. Pause. Think on that. Because if you say you do, you can't hide behind your clutch pearls or your Mercedes or your bags or your fancy this or your fancy car or whatever you have. You know that scarves and outfits get outdated, right? They only last for so long. I mean, at one point you can't fool the world, and people do it all the time where they try. Look around you, especially in California. Look all over the world. But when you attach your wagon to another broken person and think you're going to win, you've already lied to yourself and you've already lost. Except those people walk around hiding their tears behind waterproof mascara because all they do is cry behind closed door. And I've seen it. So the takeaway here isn't so that I can down everyone, but I needed to call that out and say, you know, secure and insecure attachment styles are bred. And bad deeds don't cannot hide. They don't hide for very long and they cannot be hidden for very long. And the truth will always be revealed in time because it takes what it takes and it takes a lot to lie. And I won't lie to you here. It takes total annihilation, destruction, and relationships. It's a relationship suicide, basically. And to walk out of the dark rooms and into the light takes courage. It takes bravery, not false bravado. Did I say that right? Bravado. And for me, it's taken God and a true sense of self-awareness and pride. Not false pride, but pride, not egoistic, pride, pride, real pride in myself, the woman that I am. So, what are these attachment styles that create these karmics? It's really simple. It's secure and insecure attachment styles that we see among us, I've just explained. And I could go on and on, but I think it's time to unpack a little bit of the what these traits look like and how they live among us and who pollute the natural order of family and marriage in the name of delusional entitlement. Secure looks like this. You're comfortable being alone, don't need constant reassurance. You can celebrate the wins for someone else's success. You don't create chaos to feel alive or chosen or seen. You can apologize without collapsing. You can actually say, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. But God forbid I hear that out of these people's mouths. You don't try to manipulate the narratives to keep

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Keep people chasing the truth and keeping those close to you in the dark. And you know what?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:09

Love isn't possession. You don't try to dominate the person who you already know is taken. You don't try to destroy their families. Secure isn't that at all. And of course, secure doesn't chase every distraction. So question ask yourself: does a person's presence bring you peace or does it bring you anxiety and feel like pressure? Ask yourself that. The insecure attachment trait. Well, many insecure people become experts at managing perceptions, like I've mentioned. They become shape shifters, impostures, and the very personalities they witness among good people. They become what they see that they think you want them to see. That they want you. Okay, how does this work? They become the person they they mimic you. That's what I mean to say. They become actors, literally. They live double lives and wear mini-masks that are reliant upon the ability to calculate their performances by your applause and your perceived validations. That's how it works, baby. So this explained, not all insecurity looks timid. Sometimes it looks like arrogance, control, jealousy, gossip, superiority, victimhood, a lot of that. Constant comparison, attention seeking, and God forbid I keep triangulation out of it. And by triangulation I mean friend groups. Oh, look what she's doing, look what she's wearing. Can you follow her? Can you do this? It's so sick. Keeping people emotionally off balance. It's sad. So the main question I ask you here is listening with me, if you're still here. I think it's the longest episode I've made, by the way. Why are so many people emotionally starving while pretending to be emotionally full? Where has morality gone? When did it become negotiable? And why are empathy and accountability treated as weaknesses? Why are they seen as that? I'll tell you why, because society today demands instant gratification through a swipe or a nice word or a gift. Some people, it's just a text. Instant gratification has replaced delayed gratification. Have you ever practiced delayed gratification? It's pretty great. And it glorifies what? Materialism. Bingo! And weighs success through a distorted lens of validation, treating validation as the very fabric of currency. Did you get that? It weighs success through a distorted lens of validation, creating, treating, I should say, not creating, treating validation as the very fabric of currency. It's their currency. Characters have become branding, if you will, and image often outweighs integrity. And followers are mistaken for credibility. Yeah. How many followers do you have? I don't care. Popularity is confused with truth now. And it's a swipe, a headline, and rarely ever approached with discernment. That's why, my friends. And we're living among wolves whilst that while they sleep in their, you know, brand, designer brand sheep clothing. And not every uh let me just say this, and not every wolf growls. Most actually smile a lot. Some pray publicly yet curse and yell privately. I've seen it. They're usually the volunteer and the one that always invites and pays for the table with, you know, with someone else's credit card, usually, the their sugar daddy or mama. It's sad. They buy people. And some you even date, some lead, albeit major companies or or people itself, um, leading people is what I mean to say. Some become influencers and have 1.5 million followers, and some become mentors and have their paws all over your kids. Most are just hidden, hiding in plain sight, though. But danger isn't always obvious and not always seeming evil. So be careful. That's what happens. They fool us. And many would even say, I don't want to be careful how I say that. Or he or she was such a nice person, unlike the very person they degrade. It's kind of weird how people will glorify the very person that you know I've said it. I've said enough. And that is the actual social toxicity that breeds people that are okay with fucking the married man for I don't know how many years, or having children and with that person and full second lives with these married men while calling them an I don't know, angel, fiance, or best friend. That toxicity is the illusion itself that no one cares to investigate but feels that something doesn't, just doesn't quite add up. But no one dares investigate deeply. So the danger is the deception itself, the fake news and life that they live cloaked behind their stories. It's their coercive manipulation and need for power that keeps them going. Because to appear like the mistress andor paid ex-worker in unimaginable circumstances, well, that's not acceptable. The power dynamic of validating is all ego. So what do they do? They click behind a smile and offer a fake promise and a hand that feeds you only to eventually bite you. Simultaneous mental and psychological tennis ball fuckery is what I call it. That is meant to truly destroy and ruin the very thing they want from you. Validation. Isn't that ironic? Now we all know the real person who is the one playing the role of sleeping sheep, wearing oftentimes modest but expensive sheep clothing, as I mentioned. People often will mistake them for good people with good natures. They'll usually be charismatic, fun, have a lot of different friend groups, like I mentioned. They exchange masks, often depending on the group, too. Masks that mimic actual good character that they don't have. They wish for confidence and security, but never feel safe or supported despite the golden cage they impose upon themselves. They'll behave in kindness only to mask their actual personality of weakness and chaos and their choices. They give silence for agreement, avoiding conflict all the time, the ghosting, because they're unable to be accountable. They would have to prove that they're wrong and stand in that. And they couldn't, they don't have the spying for it. They're weak. Yet they often seek success for the sake of appearing as a person of integrity. So you think that they're a moral person. They never ever show you anything different. They will never subject themselves to any kind of humility. Let me tell you that. So morally, they'll they're bankrupt. They'll step on you, kick you when you're down and when you need them the most, and step over you and anyone to get what and who they want with zero problem, issue andor regrets, much less morality. Did you get that? Morality isn't popular because it requires restraint. It means being uncomfortable a lot of times, I should know. And it also means being alone, I should know. They build lives in worlds full of plastic surgery and labels and handbags they can't afford, but usually had to give their souls for. Today's culture often says, do what makes you happy, protect your peace, don't worry about it, have fun, without asking at what expense, at whose expense, with what consequences, and what does that cost someone else? They think they've bought freedom, but that kind of perceived freedom is temporary. It always comes with a major cost. It never goes without consequence or collateral damages and usually destroys the lives that they very much know they're destroying. But still they stand there, sons accountability and responsibility. They don't think they need to change. They are usually entitled, bombastic, and without any responsibility offered. They usually ghost you and call it self-respect. It's nothing but weak selfishness that is designed to keep the hamster wheel turning while the smoke and mirrors are positioned. From a psychological and psychiatric perspective, if I should have to get into it, it's insecurity at its finest. And it's not a medical diagnosis. It's generally understood as a pattern of low self-worth, fear, distorted self-perception that can influence thoughts, emotions, and behavior. So that said, the psychological characteristics of insecurity are low or unstable self-esteem, chronic fear of rejection or abandonment, excessive need for external validation, persistent comparison with others, difficulty trusting others, hypersensitivity, hypersensitivity to criticism, shame-based thinking, fear of not being enough. And that is just some of it. The attachment theory, people with insecure attachment patterns often develop them through early relationships, like I mentioned earlier to myself, where care was inconsistent, unpredictable, neglectful, andor emotionally just unavailable. In extreme cases of a parent objectifying their golden child, have you heard the term one sick person doesn't heal another sick person? Well, it's true. I'm here to tell you, sick people don't create a healthy person or any version, but rather an even more sickening version most times. It's very rare that people break the cycle and come out of it. I was very lucky. And common and secure attachment style includes anxious attachment, you know, which is fear of abandonment, reassuring, you know, reassurance seeking, emotional hypervigilance. Um, and there are other attachment styles like avoidant attachment, which is emotional distancing, the ghosting, if you will, discomfort with vulnerability, never admitting that they were wrong, strong emphasis on self-reliance, which means they're hyper-independent because, well, they'd have to really show themselves that they were always around someone that, you know, avoidance, love that. I used to be one. I could still be that, I think sometimes. I can avoid attach I can have, you know, it can be triggered, the avoid avoidant attachment.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:24

Let me take a sip of my Coca-Cola. Hmm. And by the way, Mexican Coke is the best. It's my drug of choice.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:33

There's also something called disorganized attachment, alternatives between closeness and fear. I mentioned that, I think, before, often associated with traumatic or chaotic early environments. These attachment styles increase risk for relationship difficulties, and I can tell you that they do. But do not determine a personal moral character or choices, okay? What research associates with chronic insecurity studies have linked is higher levels of anxiety, depression, increased jealousy, greater social comparison, rumination. Excuse me. I have to cough, difficulty regulating emotions, defensive behaviors, greater sensitivity to perceived threats. And it goes on and on and on and on. You know, and emotional intelligence, I want to, you know, springboard off of this, is better self-awareness, better impulse control, greater empathy, stronger relationship satisfaction, and more effective conflict resolution. You'll know by the way people treat you. So I guess the lower emotional intelligence, if I have to explain it, would be associated, and wait for it, greater interpersonal conflict, impulsivity, and difficulty recognizing or managing emotions. Basically, emotional irregulation in a bottom line. Although it is not synonymous, however, with insecurity. The important distinction here is psychology separates insecurity from morality. That's a huge one. Someone may be deeply insecure and still behave with honesty, fidelity, and integrity. Likewise, someone can appear highly confident while engaging in manipulation or exploitation, which is insecurity. So, how it stems out in the romantic obsession can override reality testing. They'll often create a private narrative that bears little resembles resemblance to the facts. They'll convince themselves they're the exception, not the affair. They mistake secrecy for significance. Yeah. They confuse access with commitment. Did you hear that? They confuse access with commitment. They interpret intermittent attention as deep love. They become emotionally invested in a future that has never actually been promised through action. They often diminish or erase the wife in their own minds to reduce guilt. And we're talking about the romantic obsession of this insecurity from morality description. You know, I don't want to be mean, but it's actually really, really true. They'll often diminish or erase the wife in their own minds to reduce guilt. Man, that is so true. Some begin competing with a woman who doesn't even know she's in a competition. Boy, isn't that true? The fantasy becomes more intoxicating than the cas the actual man. Yeah, when the fantasy becomes bigger than the actual reality. Their identity can become attached to winning rather than building a healthy relationship. And they may rewrite history to cast themselves as the victim instead of an active participant. Boy, isn't that true? They make the mistake. They mistake desire for destiny. Interesting. And they believe they see the real him, while everyone else supposedly misunderstands him. They often ignore repeated behavioral evidence because accepting reality would require confronting their own choices. Many become addicted to the emotional highs and lows of secrecy, uncertainty, and intermittent reinforcement. They seek validation through being chosen rather than through genuine self-worth. The affair becomes less about love and more about identity, ego, and comparison. They often project blame onto the wife instead of holding the unfaithful partner and themselves accountable. They create moral loopholes that allow themselves to be seen as good people despite harmful behavior. Reality eventually collides with fantasy because fantasy cannot indefinitely withstand consistent evidence. Did you hear that? Reality eventually collides with fantasy because fantasy cannot indefinitely withstand consistent evidence. The list goes on. Grandiosity about their place in his life despite evidence to the contrary. And we're talking about the other woman right now and the insecure, secure attachment phase of the karmic. I bring that up because that's what this has been about, aside from the fact that this is the society we live in. I mean, they're like honestly just sad and so prevalent to date. And it's just so sad. I mean, when I was younger, my best friend at 15 was dating a married man who had a Ferrari and would come and pick her up in high school and she would justify it and we would like enable her. I mean, we're all freaking young and we're 16, 17, and not 15, sorry. And, you know, it's sad to look back at that and think that that person ended up being a product of her own shit. You know what I mean? Someone I invested a lot of love and relationship into, only to be realized that I was just a supply. I was just one of the friend groups. And it was always conveniently positioned. And I was always isolated to some extent to some things. And and I was the the re the mistake, or I not the mistake, I was the reason why. No, you were. If you're listening, you were. Because you are the narcissistic. And not saying you were like a full-blown narcissist, but you really are. Not once in four years has that person contacted me since my mother died after being as cold as that person was when I said my mom has cancer. She's like, you need to turn the page and get over it. It's like, I'm sorry, what? And yet I had felt so bad about the way I reacted. Because I was like, why are you doing this? And I don't have time for this. I'm like, oh my God, okay, whatever. That is the type of behavior I had put up with for so long. You know, it's kind of crazy to me to look back and see how people use emotional dependency, relying on the relationship to regulate self-esteem has been used. And the persistent rational re actually not re, but rationalization, despite repeated moral compromise. It's kind of sad that viewing another woman as a challenge rather than a boundary. I I don't know. I I have a hard time morally.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:08

I guess it is what it is, but it is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:13

You know, there are the there's also the knife throwers. Some people throw knives because, well, they cannot regulate the shame, or they use boundaries to expose theirs. Your boundaries expose theirs, so to speak. Your healing reminds them they haven't healed. I mean, this is the knife thrower. And this is what happens to me. They'll throw knives at me. Like I said, they'll throw the rocks and hide their hands. Well, I'm gonna call them the knife throwers. They cannot regulate their own shame or their and my boundary exposes theirs. So I'm the wrong one. It's kind of crazy, but it's like mean girls, you know, they don't disappear after high school. They simply become adults with better wardrobes, careers, families, and social status. Adult bullying is a real thing and it often more sophisticated than adolescent bullying. They have more money to do it and they have, you know, yeah, whatever, I'll leave it there. And they'll recruit allies to validate their behavior. You know, group loyalty often replaces moral accountability, and they normalize gossip, exclusion, ridicule, and character assassination. Social acceptance for them is everything because it becomes more important than truth. I've seen it, I've witnessed it. And they reward they reward silence and punish dissent. Yeah, when I descended, it wasn't it wasn't punished, it was just accepted. And that's how I knew I was never loved or cared for. Because if you loved me, you wouldn't have let me come. You would be there and you would find me and you'd fight for me. Not to tooth and nail, but you would show up at least once. And when people don't, you can't help but accept that they didn't love you ever. They never cared. They didn't. You know, the loudest voices aren't always the most truthful, and the ghosters aren't always the ones that are right. They'll use it and weaponize it against you. I've seen both sides of that cone coin, excuse me, and it exists. So it's kind of interesting the distinction between broken versus dangerous, also, because there's broken people that aren't dangerous, right? But then there's dangerous people that don't appear broken. And a powerful distinction is broken people deserve compassion, right? And dangerous people deserve discernment. Well, being wounded doesn't excuse becoming someone who wounds others, and trauma explains the behavior. It doesn't excuse it. So I use discernment today, and I implore you to do the same. Discernment isn't suspicion, it isn't paranoia, it isn't cynicism, discernment isn't revenge. Discernment is recognizing patterns over promises and watch consistency, accountability, humility, how they treat others with nothing to offer them. How they handle no, how they speak about people who aren't in the room. You know, secure people ask, can we grow together? Insecure people ask, how do I keep control? Secure people connect. Insecure people possess. And social media has such a hand in all of this. The algorithm reward, right? The outrage, comparison, you know, the envy, the instant reactions, hiding behind a screen and a cell phone. And rarely do they reward wisdom or patience or humility, true humility and quiet integrity. That doesn't mean that those things have lost value, only visibility. So I'm here to show it to you. I'm here to speak it to you. I'm here to harp it down your throat so that you can try and find a way out of your own rabbit hole. Now, if I were to throw a biblical lens at this, and I'll start to close my thoughts on this. Wolves don't announce themselves, people. Discernment is repeatedly encouraged in scripture. Read your Bible. And fruit eventually reveals the tree. You know, people by patterns, not performances. Okay? Light exposes darkness without having to chase it. So, in closing, perhaps the greatest danger today isn't that there are wolves among wolves amongst us, it's that we become so distracted by the appearance that we stop recognizing the wolves. And just because someone is broken doesn't mean they're safe. It doesn't. Compassion and discernment can exist together. One doesn't cancel the other. You can absolutely explore betrayal, envy, and the collapse of morality. I suggest you do. I'd suggest framing it around observable behaviors. Rather than making universal claims about women as a whole, that keeps the argument stronger and harder to dismiss. Additional information here is that, like I said earlier, you can be secure and insecure and not broken. And you can be broken and not secure. It's got have there's many facets to this. It's figuring it out and understanding it at a level that applies to your story. This is going to resonate with everyone. So living in the mirror, for instance, some people don't become mirrors of healing. They become mirrors of what remains unresolved within themselves. Their actions reveal what they refuse to confront. And betrayal rarely begins in the bedroom, it begins in character. Women who wage war against other women, the saddest attacks often don't come from the strangers' people. It becomes from the women that you're closest to. They come from women who know exactly what another woman has sacrificed to build and wants to take it down. Instead of building something of their own, they covet what another woman already has. It's false virtue at its finest. Some people perform goodness. They know the language of compassion, but not the practice of it. Public kindness can coexist with private manipulation. And being nurturing is different from appearing nurturing. Did you get that? That's false virtue. The double life that I've spoken of, there are women who present themselves as loyal friends, devoted mothers, faithful Christians, generous neighbors, et cetera. While secretly pursuing married men, undermining families, or feeding off deception. The contradiction isn't accidental. It's compartmentalization. The wife who never saw it coming, well, the wife isn't always competing. Often she doesn't even know any competitors even exist. Half of them probably don't even know. And she's raising the children and building the home and supporting a husband, trusting the people around her. And the portrayal happens in the shadows, not because she was weak, but because she trusted what was weaponized. So not everything comes with warning navels like jealousy, inferiority, and not everyone practices emotional intelligence, as we've heard. So I'm not going to continue here. I'm going to stop here. And I'm going to give you that there is collateral damage that happens when all this happens. You know, the whole lack of self-love, the whole BS that happens behind closed doors. If you've suffered through any of what I've shared and you have a similar story, or you're part of the problem, I suggest you sit back, ask yourselves.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:23

I think if you had any moral compass, there would be no way that you could listen to this and not.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:31

But that's on you. I walk away from this as a very whole woman, very proud woman, and I've never felt better in my whole life. And I've got no husband, no boyfriend, no trust account.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:44

In fact, very little. But I'm building a life and a career from the things and the people that have tried to break me. I am not broken. I never was.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:58

I was groomed into something that I didn't choose to be, but as an adult didn't know how to release myself from. And I hope that we all join in and do our part to change the world because it's going to shit in a handbasket fast. And families, the very fabric of the being of this earth is so devaluized. Is that a word? Deval? I don't remember anymore. Now I'm tired. At this point, it's so devalued because of all the things I mentioned. The excuses we, the lies we feed ourselves and the people around us. All because we want to what?

SPEAKER_02 1:31:38

Look a certain way?

SPEAKER_01 1:31:40

Man, you can keep your masks, you can keep your money, you can keep your job, you can keep your jobs, you can keep your house, whatever it is. Cars, jewelry, I don't want it. Never ever do I want that. I stand today as a very proud Christian woman, not a counterfeit Christian woman that still has sex and smokes pot on the side. No, I've been celibate three years this August. It's all on purpose. It was so that I could heal and get back to me, the me that I've always desired to be, the woman that God intended me to be since I was born. So I say thank you to all my adversaries, all of you, my family, the friends I thought I had and lost. I didn't lose, I won. To the coworkers who took advantage of me, thank you. I appreciate you because you've made me stronger. And with that, I hope you take away what you need here today, June 28th, 2026, on Sunday, where it's raw, it's real, and it's honest. And hopefully you're still here. And if you are, oh my gosh, you deserve a medal. Like I said, I do this more for me to heal me and to continue on the path than I do anyone out there listening. But I hope it's touched you. And if it has, then I guess I've done my job.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:05

Until then, you stay sweet, you stay real.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:10

And if you'd like to come back, I'd love it. If you'd like to hit subscribe, I'd love that too. And I'm sending you the biggest hug, and it's a real one, and a lot of discernment because I think this world needs it. And I think that if you're listening, you probably do too. Bye.