#8 Graceful Transitions: From Career to Grandkids with Michelle Venturini

In this episode of Empowered Over 50, Miriam Bulcher and Michelle Venturini discuss the multifaceted experience of becoming a grandparent. They explore the emotional journey, the expectations placed on parents and grandparents, and the importance of communication and boundaries in family dynamics. Michelle shares her personal experiences and insights on navigating the transition from parent to grandparent, emphasizing the need for flexibility and support while maintaining a respectful distance. The conversation highlights the joy and responsibility that comes with grandparenthood, as well as the evolving relationships between parents and their adult children. In this conversation, Michelle Venturini shares her journey of transitioning into retirement and grandparenting. She discusses the challenges of navigating identity, financial uncertainty, and the emotional complexities of stepping away from a career. Michelle emphasizes the importance of finding meaningful activities to fill time, managing expectations, and cherishing the unique relationship with grandchildren. She also reflects on health considerations and the desire to empower future generations with confidence and wisdom.

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Transcript

Miriam Bulcher (00:01.006)
Welcome to today's episode of Empowered Over 50 as My Voice Cracks. So today I am very excited because for those people that do know me, I'm very off the cuff and I tend to do things, a lot of things last minute. It just depends on what it is. So Michelle, who I have with me here today is amazing because I emailed her yesterday and I was like, do you, any chance you're available and you want to talk about the subject? And she was like, yeah. And I'm like, so grateful. So Michelle, introduce yourself and tell everyone who you are.

Michelle Venturini (00:28.767)
Thank you, Miriam. Yes, I am also an off-the-cuff and sometimes that's when you get the best stuff. So I am really glad to be here. Always willing and happy to talk about being a grandparent. I am a consultant. I do leadership development and professional development specifically in the biotech space. And I am also a grandma of two beautiful little girls.

Miriam Bulcher (00:52.174)
I love it so, so, so much. So the reason why I messaged Michelle is because I knew she was a grandma, of course, and there's a lot of changes that come with being over 50. So let's talk about, let's jump back a little bit. How old is your oldest grandchild? Oh my freaking goodness, amazing. Okay, so that's what I thought, but I was like...

Michelle Venturini (01:10.943)
15 months. Yes. Yes.

Miriam Bulcher (01:18.742)
I don't remember, you might have told me about the second and now I'm like trying to, it's a little bit of a mess in my memory. Okay, so let's talk about that first moment that you were like, my gosh, I'm gonna be a grandma. Like, how does it feel? Were there any things that you kind of had to work through like emotionally that you were like, you know what I mean?

Michelle Venturini (01:22.908)
Yeah.

Michelle Venturini (01:38.963)
Hmm. I did cry for sure. But it wasn't, it wasn't out of sadness. And I was a little surprised by that because there's you know, becoming a grandparents one of those life stages. And I wondered if I would have some, this is another sign that I'm this much further along in life, but I didn't. It was, it was just pure joy and pure excitement.

Miriam Bulcher (01:42.007)
Of course.

Miriam Bulcher (02:02.958)
I love that so much. Let's jump back even further because I know that some parents can put a lot of like emphasis on the grandchildren. You know what I mean? Like the second they get married, they're like, oh my gosh, what was your mentality and your mindset around that? know, having grown children, and I don't know how long your child was married for before they decided to have children, but how did you navigate that area?

Michelle Venturini (02:32.04)
So I think in hindsight, I actually put quite a bit of pressure on them. I didn't intend to, but it was always a topic I would bring up like, grandchildren would be great. Or, you I would be joking about it. And I really intended to be joking. But in hindsight, I think I came on a little bit heavy. And I regret that because your adult children need to live their own life and make their own decisions. And so one of my children was married for five years.

before they had a child. And my other child was married less than one year before she was married 11 months when they had a baby. So I sort of had one that was married quite a while and one that was married not very much at all, although they were together for quite a while. So yeah, I was looking forward to it so much I couldn't wait for it to happen.

Miriam Bulcher (03:18.38)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (03:23.82)
Okay, I love that. And I find that perspective really interesting that, it wasn't your intent to put pressure on them. And did your kid ever say anything about, well, it's going to come in its own time type situation?

Michelle Venturini (03:32.444)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (03:42.055)
Yeah, they did. They would say things like that. And, and I took it to heart. And, and I tried to respond, but I, I know that more than once, I found myself going back to this, it'd nice to be a grandparent. And again, meaning to make light of it, but I don't know that that's how it came across.

Miriam Bulcher (04:01.768)
Mm-hmm. Right. What would you advise the women who are listening who are not at that stage yet? Like, how do you navigate that excitement, you know, knowing that your kid is at least planning on having children? Right. Because I'm sure you knew that your kids wanted to have, you know, their own children. But how do you navigate that excitement? Like, what would you have changed and how would you have like had that conversation with yourself?

Michelle Venturini (04:14.908)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (04:25.318)
Yeah. Yeah. And that's, that's really situational based on the relationship that you have with your child. But I think it's, I think candor and transparency are always really important and really valuable. knowing that you have raised good people who will make good decisions and they will do what is right for them when it is right.

is I think a really solid foundation to fall back on and to just trust the process and trust the timing and to know that it will happen when it's meant to happen and when it does, it will be beautiful. If I could go back and talk to myself, I would say cool it, back off. I would remind myself of how I felt when I was in the family planning stages. And the last thing I needed was pressure from anybody.

and I would take myself back there.

Miriam Bulcher (05:26.838)
Yeah, that's a really good, that's really good advice because I feel like it is just so tricky to remember all the stresses that you have when you're that age because, you know, as you get older, there's a lot of things that are just already taken care of, right? Like they're they're smooth, they've taken care of them a long time ago, and you don't have those things to worry about, you know.

Michelle Venturini (05:35.228)
Yes.

Michelle Venturini (05:42.001)
Exactly.

Miriam Bulcher (05:49.036)
And I don't know if your children had houses or not or whatnot, but there's just so much change for them around that age, especially navigating all these expectations, societal expectations as well, in addition to job and professional and all that stuff. And you have the luxury of thought to be like, my gosh, what's the next exciting thing? And then it's like, well, of course, like grandkids, right? You have this freedom of time to a certain extent, because I know you're still working.

Michelle Venturini (06:00.977)
Right.

Michelle Venturini (06:07.165)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (06:12.603)
Exactly.

Miriam Bulcher (06:18.96)
So let's talk about when your first grandchild actually arrived. Because I know that there are, and I mean, I've had this conversation with my own parents and it was really difficult. you know, there's so much excitement around the grandbaby. How did you navigate making sure that you weren't necessarily ignoring your own child because you know that you want to give so much love and attention to the grandchild? You know what I mean? Because I feel like that's very tricky to battle.

Michelle Venturini (06:33.291)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (06:46.802)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (06:48.88)
violence at this new stage.

Michelle Venturini (06:49.63)
Yeah, yeah, it can be now I both of my children are very independent and I, I intentionally raised them that way. So my relationship with them as adults isn't one where we talk multiple times a day or every time they stub their toe, they call me about it. So we you know, they were very independent. They had, they both have very strong marriages of their own. So but what I did find is that

I started to feel guilty that the only reason I wanted to see my children is because the grandchild would come along. And again, you know, reflecting back on I remember feeling that way when I was a was a new parent. And so I tried to be really conscious about not just asking about the grandbabies, but also asking about them, how their jobs were going, how they were feeling, what were the challenges they were facing, because having a grandchild reminded me of just how

stressful that life transition is because I had forgotten it had been so long. I'm in a completely different phase in life. So I really tried to focus on making sure to ask them how they were doing and not just make it about the baby. But it's all about the baby. Let's be honest.

Miriam Bulcher (08:11.79)
Because my next question was going to be, you feel like with the grandbaby being there that your relationship with your children improved?

Michelle Venturini (08:11.934)
You

Michelle Venturini (08:24.508)
I think it changed. I'm fortunate to say I had a good relationship with both my son and my daughter and my daughter-in-law and son-in-law. So it isn't that it improved, but it changed. And I think it changed in a few ways. One is I do remember when I became a parent that I looked at my own parents differently because when you're a parent and that baby is crying at night and they have so many needs and

Miriam Bulcher (08:26.167)
Okay.

Michelle Venturini (08:52.88)
especially as a newborn, you don't get the emotional payback. And so I think they had an appreciation for the fact that at one point, my husband and I did that for them. And so I think there's that realization of, wow, someone really loved me enough to go through this for me. And there's also when seeing your children be good parents, because, you know, children,

Miriam Bulcher (08:56.61)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (09:22.344)
Children don't remember what we told them to do. They remember how we made them feel. And they remember how we treated them. And you see that when you see the way they treat their own children. And so seeing that maturity and that level of care and responsibility and realism that they bring to their own parenting has shifted the dynamics of the relationship in a positive way.

Miriam Bulcher (09:33.336)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (09:49.166)
Do you feel that like do you feel that they

And this obviously is going to be dependent on your own children's personalities and how they carry themselves. But do you feel that there was like a transparency in terms of like, OK, this is what we're to need from you. And these are like, you know, things that, you know, maybe like ease up a little bit, because I know that there's, you know, a lot of stories of grandparents being like, you know, going overboard. And actually, I had this problem with my own parents is that they would literally just show up. And I was like,

Michelle Venturini (10:22.654)
Not cool. Yeah. Not cool.

Miriam Bulcher (10:23.336)
Okay, that's... I was like, that's not gonna work, you know? Or it would be like a day's notice, because we lived, at the time we lived two hours apart, and it was like very, very, very short notice. And I remember feeling so frustrated by it. And I did talk to them about it, but it was like they would, you know, implement it for like a few months, and then it was back to square one again. So it was like, okay, you know, so do you feel, like, what are your kids like? Did they, how did that, you know, because

Michelle Venturini (10:32.574)
Mm.

Michelle Venturini (10:44.976)
Yeah

Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (10:53.21)
I feel like there is so much to navigate. Not only is the parent navigating like having another human to take care of that's very minute and tiny, but also like you have these other people that are kind of like hovering and kind of like, you know what I mean? Like wanting to be a part of it. And so what was that like in terms of the communication aspect of things?

Michelle Venturini (10:55.166)
There's so much.

Michelle Venturini (11:01.073)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (11:06.3)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (11:12.38)
you. So we've always been present but hands off in our children's lives. So they know we're here. They can call us for anything. In fact, last week, there was an SOS that got sent out on Sunday afternoon, or sat Wednesday afternoon because my granddaughter was sick and my son needed someone to watch her. So of course, I raised my hand so they know that they can count on us and that they can count in that

we will be there and do everything that we can do to support them. But we were always were also really intentional about knowing where our boundaries are. We tend and we I'm speaking of my husband and I both pretend not to volunteer or we try not to volunteer advice and and just let let our kids navigate it for themselves. So I was always very conscious about at least send a text, you know.

couple of hours before, I was going to stop by this afternoon. Would this be a good time? Because as a newborn mom, like, you know, I used to laugh, but it's so true that you it's four o'clock in the afternoon before you can even get in the shower. And what did you do all day, but change diapers and feed a baby and try to keep them from crying. So we were trying to be really sensitive and really respectful of that. With my

daughter-in-law. My daughter-in-law is a NICU nurse, so there was nothing I could teach her about how to take care of a baby. She had all the training in the world and I wish I would have had a resource like her when I had my own children. So there wasn't much I could teach them except to reflect back my experiences and to really give encouragement of this will pass, they will outgrow this stage, the teeth will come in.

they you know, the the diaper changes will become less frequent, all of that. Now my daughter lives in Raleigh, North Carolina. So that's a little bit harder to just drop in. But when we do visit them, we tend to go for a few weeks at a time. And we try to treat it as if we live there. And we just happen to be down the streets like we will work during the day of all we're there, just so they don't have to change their schedule into really

Miriam Bulcher (13:11.725)
Right.

Michelle Venturini (13:29.702)
remove this idea of that they have to entertain us or that we need 24 hour access. So we tried to mimic as much as we can as if it was no big deal that we were in the neighborhood.

Miriam Bulcher (13:42.339)
I love that so much. Was that an intentional conversation that you and your husband had that were like, okay, this is going to work. Okay.

Michelle Venturini (13:47.611)
Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, it was. Because again, we don't want to, your young parents, you don't have a lot of time off that you can take from work because you have a baby and you just had a baby and babies get sick and you have to take time off. So we were intentional about being as unobtrusive as possible. And we even when we're there, we there's an Airbnb that happens to be just like four rows, four houses down the street from them. So it's perfect. And we try to make dinner and take it over to them and

and just do what we can to be supportive when we're there.

Miriam Bulcher (14:20.428)
that is absolutely genius because, I mean, there's so many ways that you can navigate that process and.

Michelle Venturini (14:29.81)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (14:31.85)
I love hearing your perspective and this is exactly why I wanted to do this podcast because I think that there are many ways of approaching this situation and of course it's going to be unique based on like the child but I could also see that kind of almost going another way where it's like well I want you here instantly to like hold the baby whenever so it's like you know what I mean and so I I'm hoping that this conversation stimulates you know kind of more communication between parents who do already have you know grandkids and also for you know the

Michelle Venturini (14:38.642)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (14:48.887)
Mm-hmm, right.

Michelle Venturini (15:00.231)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (15:01.964)
that are know that they're going to encounter this at some form and you know in the near future. So let's talk about like being there with the baby. Do you feel like there is what changed for you emotionally knowing that you had these additional people that were like connected to you?

Michelle Venturini (15:25.078)
Wow. so I'm really hard not to cry right now. But there is a there is a full circle moment when you see your child hold their child. And it's it is impossible to describe. And everyone has been a grandparent, they say, it's the best thing ever. But it is impossible. It can't be described. And it's this

overwhelming love of course, but this also this sense of responsibility that I need to leave a world that is safe and good and and supportive for not just me not just my child, but now my my grandchild and I had these legacy emotions. And I found myself considering

kind of a relationship do I want to have with this child when they're eight or nine or 10, even though they're literally hours old. So there's a lot of emotions. There's the love, there's the responsibility, and then there's this pride that comes with it.

Miriam Bulcher (16:34.306)
Mm-hmm.

That is so beautiful. And I love that you like went in and described that a little bit more because yeah, I mean, we've heard that all the time, right? Like grandchildren are like the best thing, right? Since sliced bread. And it's like, okay, well, what does that mean? And what are you going to do with that kind of with those emotions? Because I feel like, and I've seen this where it can overtake some grandparents and then it just becomes almost obsessive. And it's like, okay, well, hold on. Like there's a lot of other things at play here.

Michelle Venturini (16:43.71)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Michelle Venturini (17:01.246)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (17:04.985)
Right.

Miriam Bulcher (17:07.618)
Did you feel like you kind of had to communicate in terms of like what your kids wanted from you in terms of care for the grandbaby when you are around?

Michelle Venturini (17:16.702)
No. So I don't know if this is true of all parents of this generation of millennials as they become parents, but this, my kids are so well informed. You when I was pregnant, we read what to expect when you're expecting and that was about it. Kids these days, kids, calm kids, but new parents, they're so well informed about feeding schedules and

tummy time and colors and how to play with children and restricting screen time that they didn't need a lot of care from me out. I found myself when I would suggest something I just sounded like an old lady who wasn't current. And so I ended up, I tried not to not to provide a lot of advice because I couldn't teach them anything you didn't already know.

Miriam Bulcher (18:12.44)
Mm-hmm.

Let's I want to shift though a little bit because what about like actually like physically caring for the baby? Do you feel like there was any like, okay, well, I want you to like watch them for three or four hours or I also want you to like feed and change diapers and things like that. You know what I mean? Because I feel like that's kind of like a weird gray area because, know, there's a lot of like, well, I don't want to do the dirty work of, you know, the newborn stage and like actually, you know, we're like

Michelle Venturini (18:19.507)
Mm.

Michelle Venturini (18:33.8)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (18:38.246)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (18:43.18)
Yes, you want me to feed them too? You know what I'm saying? I feel like there could be a lot of like uncertainty in those specifics. So how did you, was there any communication around that?

Michelle Venturini (18:47.464)
you

Michelle Venturini (18:52.604)
Yeah, I think that's really important, especially if you are in a situation where the your child might assume that you will be willing to babysit or will assume that you're available to spend time or even spend the night. So we haven't had a lot of that. There's been a few times that we have babysat called babysitting, but are you really babysitting when it's your own flesh and blood?

spending time with with the grandkids. But our kids have been really respectful of not making those assumptions. But physically, when we're together, we hold her as much as we can. And we are, you know, we feed her and she's into solid food right now, which is a whole nother ballgame. Again, something I totally forgot about that transition, how much fun it is, and then also how fun it isn't when you have to pick up food for the 15th time.

So we are willing to do almost anything and our kids I think would trust us to do almost anything. But again, we just try to be really respectful of where those boundaries are and not be overbearing about it.

Miriam Bulcher (20:05.688)
Do you feel like you're asking, like, would you like me to change the diaper? Or, would you like me to prepare dinner and things like that? OK.

Michelle Venturini (20:11.742)
No, no, we're not. And like when they're here and her diaper needs to be changed, they just, they just take her and change her diaper. And, you know, I might help, I, here, let me hand you a wipe, but they really, really take care of it.

Miriam Bulcher (20:26.092)
Okay, interesting. I find that so fascinating. I want to talk about how the scheduling looked like knowing that you needed to be available for other, right? Like for, you know, it's almost like, okay, well, this isn't necessarily your schedule anymore. There's other needs now. How did you navigate that with, and also where were you when you knew? Because I don't remember, because your shoot was a...

Michelle Venturini (20:40.7)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (20:55.874)
what, two years ago now? So I can't remember exactly, like, if you were retired or, like, semi-retired or whatnot. So I want to know, like, what your timeline looked like when you knew, like, when the baby was about to arrive. Or did you make any changes when you found out that they were pregnant up until delivery? You know, that sort of thing.

Michelle Venturini (20:57.491)
Yeah.

Michelle Venturini (21:07.752)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (21:16.894)
had it in my mind that I wanted to have a schedule that was flexible enough to spend quality and quantity time with my grandchildren and to be there to help when my children needed it. And so it was about a year and a half ago, I'm trying remember the time too, it just all blurs together. And so I left the workforce and I started my own consulting so I would have that flexibility. And it's, I'm so glad that I did. I'm so glad because it just

it gives me that control over my time. So like last week when they needed someone to come and watch her for a morning, I could do it. I did move some things around so it isn't that, you know, I can just drop everything. But I was able to do it and I'm happy to do it. And it's even day to day things for, for example, when my daughter-in-law has to be at work at seven and my son isn't home, she will drop.

the baby off with us and we take her to daycare. And so we kind of have the chance to become a part of her daily life. And that, and we were able to do that and just work it into our schedules. And we're fortunate to be able to do that.

Miriam Bulcher (22:26.456)
my gosh. How did you navigate like?

leaving the workforce though and kind of knowing that you're almost being prompted into it by an outside factor, you know what I'm saying? Like it's kind of like, I want to do this, how would you describe like, am I ready for this? You know what I'm saying? Because it's kind of like, it's not necessarily you initiated it. Like, of course you followed through with it, but it wasn't you, like, you know what I'm saying? Like it wasn't like your, your decision, like, I'm just going to do this. was prompt, like something prompted you. So how did you navigate like,

Michelle Venturini (22:35.581)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (22:44.519)
Yes.

Michelle Venturini (22:53.022)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (22:58.749)
Right.

Miriam Bulcher (23:00.718)
the fear of starting your own business and like what is this gonna look like income wise? Like yes, I know I'm aiming for time, but now I have to do all these other changes too. How did you, I mean that's a loaded question, but like how did you navigate that?

Michelle Venturini (23:03.73)
Yeah.

Michelle Venturini (23:14.398)
Quite honestly, I'm still navigating that. And that navigation has been more challenging than the grandparent navigation because there's so much of my identity is wrapped up in my title and what I do and who I know. And that is a transition that's hard to make. As you go into semi-retirement or consulting or whatever you choose to call it, letting go of that piece of yourself is really hard.

Miriam Bulcher (23:22.126)
Mmm.

Michelle Venturini (23:44.316)
And again, I am still navigating it and I'm still going, I ready? Am I not ready? How will I know when I'm ready? What will I be once I'm retired? That's a hard question.

Miriam Bulcher (23:52.856)
Mmm.

Miriam Bulcher (23:57.25)
because you don't want your identity necessarily wrapped around something else, AKA like, I'm a grandparent because that's a fact, right? So.

Michelle Venturini (24:03.73)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (24:07.478)
What does that internal process look like for you right now? And maybe you haven't necessarily, or maybe it might be tricky to kind of explain that out loud, like, what does it look like when you're, you know, day to day and you're kind of like, I'm, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know.

Michelle Venturini (24:20.996)
Mm hmm. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's hard. There are. So one thing that is really important is to not just stop working, but to replace it with something else. Not Netflix, although that's fun for a while. But still.

Whether it's learning a hobby or picking up an old hobby or getting in with a new group of friends. So you need something to fill your time. If that's worthwhile and meaningful to you.

Another piece that's really hard for me personally is is the finances. And you work your whole life and we have always been savers. And so you know, we've saved our whole life for this moment when we can retire. But letting go of that security of a steady paycheck is hard. Even though logically, I know we're in good shape, we're where we wanted to be.

I mean, we're not going to be buying five vacation homes, but we don't want to buy five vacation homes. We only need one, just someplace for the kids to come when they visit. So it's difficult. That transition is hard and still is hard.

Miriam Bulcher (25:41.678)
Do you feel that, how does that play into, because in a way...

like your control is shifting, right? You go from shifting, it's almost like there are certain levels of trade, like you're trading finances, or at least a part of it, right? Because of course you do have your finances, but it's like you're losing this element of it, and you're trading that for time. So how do you navigate your uncertainty and your fear, and just the discomfort of the fact that...

Michelle Venturini (25:50.802)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (26:03.805)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (26:13.41)
your finances look different, right? Like overall, even though you are doing the consulting, it's like, you know, we can pause too if the dogs are.

Michelle Venturini (26:23.39)
Yeah, Vinnie, Vinnie. Let me go show them.

Michelle Venturini (26:40.124)
Thanks to save me from you, PS.

Miriam Bulcher (26:42.19)
Of course, of course. No, that's all good. So how do you deal with the uncertainty and just the discomfort of that switch? Like how do you, guess, like reassure yourself that, okay, yes, this is going to be tricky. This is going to feel, it's going to bring up emotions that I'm going to have to deal with, right? How do you assure yourself in that process of change?

Michelle Venturini (26:44.42)
Okay. All right. So can we ask again? Sorry, I lost track.

Michelle Venturini (27:03.197)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (27:10.44)
So financially, just, I remind myself we had a plan. This was the plan and it was a solid plan. So it's going to be okay. I also have found it a good transition to do it a little bit at a time. You so I gave up a full-time salary. So now I have a part-time salary. And so as much as you can is easing into it has worked for us.

And then.

Michelle Venturini (27:44.253)
You know, we've we've been budgeters. And so we keep a budget every month. We know exactly how much money we spend and really paying attention to how much money did I need because I was in the workforce, because I needed certain clothes. I went out for lunch. You know, maybe I took a business trip and we tacked a vacation onto it. So really breaking it down and being really specific and intentional. That was that that was helpful for us.

Miriam Bulcher (27:55.8)
Mm.

Michelle Venturini (28:13.884)
And then, you know, there is an element of control that you give up. Well, it's interesting. Like you give up some control, but then you get some control in return. It's a matter of what control is important to you. Because when you're working for someone else, you give up control of your schedule. But in return, you get stability and work relationships and the satisfaction of doing a good job and all of that.

And when you transition, especially as it plays into parenthood, as you have more control over the time, but you have less control over some of the other circumstances, like the amount of money coming in. So it's, I just find it helpful to talk about it and to be conscious about it. And that just sweep it under the rug and think, tomorrow I'll feel better about it. No, you've got to talk through it.

Miriam Bulcher (28:55.17)
Right.

Miriam Bulcher (29:09.902)
Do you have those conversations with yourself, a friend or your husband? And do you feel like hearing it out loud is the most helpful aspect of it versus like letting them all around in your head?

Michelle Venturini (29:24.966)
yeah, my head is a dangerous place to be. so I know better than to let things mull around in my head too long. But I do talk to my husband and he has many of the same thoughts. And then I also talk to friends. Now, a lot of my friends are younger than me, so they aren't quite at this retirement stage. So honestly, sometimes they remind me of why I'm ready to make this transition.

But they're all helpful in their own way. They all have a perspective to add. And I just find the more people that you have in your village, the better.

Miriam Bulcher (30:01.494)
Mm-hmm people who are willing to support the change right because there is so much change navigating this You know these extra people that are coming into your life How do you

Michelle Venturini (30:05.382)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (30:09.276)
Absolutely.

Michelle Venturini (30:12.936)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (30:17.678)
I'm trying to find the right filler word here. It's not so much control and maybe it is, but how do you navigate just the excitement knowing that you like, just want to go see your grandkids, you know what I mean? And like also trying to like the respect. How do you balance that? Because I mean, the excitement level is through the roof and it's a different level of excitement that your kids are experiencing, right? Because there's a lot of like exhaustion that comes with being a new parent. So what does that look like for you in terms of life?

Michelle Venturini (30:28.318)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (30:40.67)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (30:47.632)
like, do you find you have to distract yourself? Like, I don't know. I'm just really curious to know how you navigate that.

Michelle Venturini (30:53.15)
Yeah, well, we're going through that right now because our youngest granddaughter is eight months old and we were there for two weeks in March and we will go again for two weeks in August for her once when she turns one. But that's four or five months in between there when we won't see her at all. And I keep finding myself saying, let's just find a long weekend. Let's just go down there maybe just for two or three nights. It doesn't have to be very long, but we just we want to see her. We want to watch her, especially.

even in that first year as they change so quickly. And so I find myself weighing, that just be an imposition? Is it just a problem to like squeeze in a long weekend? Or do I just find be satisfied with video calls and updates and photos? We have a digital photo, photo frame. So the kids are always uploading pictures and that's just fun just to sort of

It's a surprise of it. Oh, there's a new picture. There's a new picture. So that's fun. so we're actually facing that right now. And I do try, I do try some distraction, but I also know like, I've got this itch. And so I'm not sure how we are going to resolve this. It might just be that it ends up it's the middle of July and we haven't done anything. So we'll just wait till August. I'm not sure.

Miriam Bulcher (32:15.096)
Sure.

Do you feel like there's an element of being at the age that you're at and knowing and again, this is going to be different for every woman, but also knowing your age and your timeline. Do you feel like that plays in? Like, does that run through your head in terms of like, well, I only have so much time. So therefore it's almost like you kind of play this like gaming your mind of like, okay, well, that can take over, right? And become really obsessive or

Or it's like, how do you navigate that conversation in your mind? Because again, I feel like that would be really tricky.

Michelle Venturini (32:53.532)
do have those thoughts about, I mean, none of us know how much time we have. I don't want to get morbid. But I do have those thoughts, especially about physically, like how long am I going to be able to keep up with my grandkids? And I want to make as much, make the most of it while I can. And I've got arthritis and so my mobility isn't what I wish it was. So I do have those thoughts about making the most of the relationship and making the biggest impact.

while I still can. And also keeping my mind sharp and staying current. Because I don't want to be the grandma that talks about, well, know, back in the day, we used to and you know, then grandkids just roll their eyes. I want to stay current and I want to know, not I want to know what's going on. I want to know what kids are listening to and not that I'm going to be downloading all kinds of songs. But I want to

be aware of that so I can talk to them in their language.

Miriam Bulcher (33:56.376)
Do you feel like you had a conversation with yourself when the grandkids were new and had arrived about your health? And was that tricky to navigate?

Michelle Venturini (34:06.622)
Mm hmm. Yes, it was tricky and it is tricky and but it is a motivator. And it is it is something that makes it easier to make good decisions.

Miriam Bulcher (34:20.568)
OK. So in some ways, it's kind of like, well, there was the conviction that I needed. It's like it's coming from your outside source that kind of makes it easier for you to then implement things, it sounds like.

Michelle Venturini (34:21.469)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (34:31.984)
Right. And it isn't from a well, you should it's from a I want to and I have a good reason for it.

Miriam Bulcher (34:38.164)
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I love that so much. Do you feel like there's anything that you would have gone back and told yourself outside of the things that you've mentioned already prior to having grandkids, whether it's in relationship to the actual grandkid itself or, you know, whether it's to your kids or whether it's to yourself? Is there anything that you would have liked to have known more even with regards to the mobility or really anything just knowing that, OK, my kids are planning to have kids. So.

What are things that you're like, would have liked, you know, it just would have made things a little bit easier had I known that and had I known like I had a little bit of time to prepare.

Michelle Venturini (35:21.982)
You know, I don't, I honestly can't think of anything. was, again, you know, the nature of our relationship with our kids is we're not intimately involved in every detail of their life. And I kind of liked that. And I think they like it also. So I went to change that. But if I were the kind of, if I did have the kind of relationship with my kids where it was a daily conversation, I definitely would have had to.

adjust those expectations because when they're dealing with their own kids, you know, they don't need to also be dealing with another generation that's making unreal, unrealistic demands on them.

So, you know, I think if that was the kind of relationship that we had, that would be something I would think about.

Miriam Bulcher (36:10.622)
Mm-hmm, yeah. What about in terms of navigating the excitement? Do you feel like there's anything? Or even just a word of advice that women like, OK, just so you know, you're going to have this new obsession. And here's how to navigate that. Do you feel like that would have been helpful or not so much?

Michelle Venturini (36:30.758)
You know, I think it's really valuable to recognize that a grandparent is not a parent on steroids. It is a different and unique relationship. And to value that for what it is. it is, know, grandparents being in the lives of their grandchildren is such a rich and such an important and such a special relationship is just cherish that.

And make it its own. Don't try to make it as. Parent number, you know the backup parent, because that's not what it is. It's its own unique and special relationship.

Miriam Bulcher (37:08.536)
Hmm. So it's like you're what I'm hearing is, you know, be open and take it from a perspective of gratitude and kind of like don't put any stereotypes or expectations that you might have seen from either friends or media or what or just, you know, what you experience of your own grandparents and let it kind of develop naturally on its own that relationship. Okay.

Michelle Venturini (37:20.914)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (37:27.238)
Yes, yep, absolutely, absolutely.

Miriam Bulcher (37:29.986)
That I feel like is an incredible point to make because I feel like we've all known our own grandparents and we see, you know, like friends or, you know, like kids, classmates with their own grandparents. You know what I mean? There's always like so many examples. And so I feel like that is just such really good advice to let it just naturally grow into its own beautiful storyline. And it doesn't have to follow.

Michelle Venturini (37:49.682)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (37:57.43)
other potential societal expectations. That's absolutely amazing. I love that so much. Is there anything else that you feel like we haven't covered that you're like, okay, you know what, this might be helpful for other women to know when it comes time to like shift and go through these changes.

Michelle Venturini (38:10.781)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (38:14.652)
You know, I think there, you know, the life transition into being a grandparent is going to hit everybody a little bit differently. And for some people, I can see that it might be a signal that I'm getting older, but you know what, we're getting better. And I bring that sort of that spiciness that I experienced when I turned 50.

is I kind of find myself bringing that to my grandparent relationship with my granddaughters. And I kind of want to pass that on to them and to give them that, confidence to know that, you know what, you will get there and you, you will figure it out and you will find yourself, but be kind to yourself along the way and explore and experience and do what makes you happy.

And that isn't something that I realized until I turned 50. So anything I can do to speed that process up for them is something I'm going to focus on.

Miriam Bulcher (39:18.798)
I'm obsessed with that because that is really not only taking your own self-knowledge and your own self-confidence and really like for one just owning it and being like, you know what, like I wish I would have had the sooner but now that I do have it, it's this incredible gift and I want to do as much as I possibly can to pass it along and that I feel like is just so powerful because I know with navigating all the changes,

Michelle Venturini (39:25.372)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (39:37.459)
Mm-hmm.

Miriam Bulcher (39:48.704)
of being over 50, there's so much almost like you're in a tornado, right? It's kind of like, oh, my gosh. Well, not only is my body physically changing, financially changing, you know, the family is changing, like everything is changing. Clothes are like everything. And so to be able to take that and see your power and to know and to bring it into like the extension of your family is, oh, my gosh, chef's kiss. Like, that's just amazing. I think and I hope that the women who are listening are like, oh, yeah, right. Like, even if they don't have grandkids to be like, oh,

Michelle Venturini (39:52.414)
You

Michelle Venturini (40:01.712)
Yes.

Michelle Venturini (40:12.765)
Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (40:18.658)
okay, but I can still own my power and it's so impactful. Like the domino effect I feel like is insane with just, you know, even if it's in the workforce or whatever, you know, even if it's just like friend circle or even in your own home and relationships, like the impact is wild.

Michelle Venturini (40:21.178)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (40:26.044)
Yes.

Michelle Venturini (40:31.612)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (40:35.986)
Yeah, it really is. It really is because even, you know, our adult children aren't into their 50s yet. And so, you know, we have this piece of experience and this wisdom that is very unique to the grandparent relationship. Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (40:50.733)
Hmm.

my gosh, I'm obsessed. And that is also why I wanted you to come on here and talk about this, because I just feel like, again, being able to see all of this incredible aspect, even though the changes are feeling like absolutely neurotic, because there is just so much good and being able to, I think, just hear it from somebody else who's, you know what I mean? Like it's, and as you said, like you're very fortunate to have friends who are like, okay, yeah, like give it to me, right? Like I'm, I'm here to be like a listening ear.

Michelle Venturini (41:04.925)
Mm-hmm.

Michelle Venturini (41:08.894)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Miriam Bulcher (41:21.546)
And I know that there's a lot of women who don't have that and I'm hoping that they can really get some transparency and just like, know, relatability through this podcast. So I very, very much appreciate you and for sharing all of your incredible insight today.

Michelle Venturini (41:24.755)
Right.

Michelle Venturini (41:36.04)
Thank you so much, Miriam. It has been an absolute pleasure. I will talk about my grandkids anytime.

Miriam Bulcher (41:41.974)
I love it. Awesome. We can still chat. I'm just going to stop the recording.

Michelle Venturini (41:44.785)
Okay.