Our Relationship Goals | 10 Years of Marriage + 3 kids

On this Episode, we discuss our Relationship Goals after 10 years of marriage that will keep us healthy, strong, in love and moving forward with everything God has in store for us. Be encouraged to write down your own goals!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

What's going on? What's up, guys?

SPEAKER_03 0:18

Welcome back to the Fresh Thing Podcast. The Fresh Thing Podcast. We are your hosts, Jacqueline and Frederick.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Yep. We back. We back.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Two married couples. Two married couples.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Two or the other two.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Right here. We're interviewing two married couples.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Yes. You can't see them, but they're here.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

These taxes allergies have got me, like my kids always say, that I always say, and I'm about to say, y'all, my allergies are going wild.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

So I've just laughed at you.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

That laugh though.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

That was a laugh for your allergies.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

I mean your allergies too, but they ain't going like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

I don't know where they where that's going now. That's a place I don't want to be. Wherever that was. Where it's a place I don't want to be. I'll be anywhere. Like we should just take it like a commercial break.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Guys, I had to take a little sip. But we are so glad you are here. Thank you for joining us every single week. Um, we're kicking off the third podcast of this year. And I'm just excited for you guys to tune in, continue tuning in, and thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

I mean, you should be really refreshed right now. I mean, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Let's talk about it, guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Was that refreshing at all? A fresh thing podcast?

SPEAKER_03 1:47

So here's the deal: every year I take a mom staycation. Sometimes it happens two times a year, but every start of a year after my birthday or around my birthday, which guys, I just had a birthday. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

See, that's what I'm saying. Keeps giving.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

It just keeps giving, and um you ain't gonna stop celebrating me. It's in February, so Federic has to do Valentine's and my birthday.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

I'm pretty sure it's March, but she's still celebrating that birthday.

SPEAKER_03 2:15

It is March, guys. It is.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

You're still celebrating it.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

I'm celebrating, and if you're not gonna celebrate yourself, who's gonna celebrate?

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Yeah, you better celebrate yourself first.

SPEAKER_03 2:27

Let's celebrate. So the point is, as parents of three, it is not convenient to schedule a weekend to go away. And you just have to be intentional with it. And so I was like, I gotta get this. You know, sometimes I go back and forth and I'm like, I don't need to this time. I feel fine. But definitely felt the Lord nudging me to take that time. Federick nudged me, kept bringing it up.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Yeah, I was like, girl, you need a mom cation.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

Mom need a mom cation. And that's what I did. So I went away for two, three days. Yeah, three days.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Yeah, three days, two nights.

SPEAKER_03 3:06

Two nights.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

I wasn't counting. But I was counting. Because that means dad on the body.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

And ladies, dad's the moms out there, you need to go away so that your man can know the things that you do.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Exactly. Make you make him appreciate you more for all that you do. Cause when you're in dad duty, you on, you on. You gotta be on, you gotta be on through all this craziness and did our daughter's hair. That's it. Tell them you gotta tell Hide me up.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

You did their hair, sent me pictures of the hair. Keep going, I got the beep up. You gotta keep going, hype me up. Send the pictures of the hair. The hair was herring.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

That's all I did, too things. That's all you got. Man, she forgot. I fed them kids.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Oh, I thought this was just about the hair.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

We gave them all baths, put them asleep.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

I'm told it down. Frederick, you do that stuff when I'm here.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 4:02

Like Frederick is not deadbeat dad.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

But I am proud of I am proud that I sent I did both our daughters here.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

And sent our older daughter, oldest daughter, to school with her hair. Did nice. She was proud of it.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

She was proud. My first time.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

I didn't see it was the best. It wasn't the best, but you know, for someone never did it, hey man, I I I killed that. I kilt it.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

I mean I killed it.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I did, I did, I did good.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

We had to like it was a bop. Huh?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

It was a bop. A hair bop.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

It was a hair bop.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

It was a hair bop.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

So yeah, Frederick held it down, hair bopped it all over town, took him to eat, did some things, and I here's the deal staycation. I they dropped me off because I don't I don't need to drive anywhere. Because if I have a car, I will have this like urge to get out there and do all the things.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

If I was tracking you on a map, you'd be in every town in Texas.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Every home goods, every Marshall's store. Thrift store. I'd be at every coffee shop. Every barns and nobles too much if I have free time. And then you get no rest. And then I got no rest. No rest. So I cut myself off of that. They dropped me off at the hotel, which is a walkable area, so I can still get food and restaurants and stuff. Still did my walks, still did all the things, and just slept. And the and if you're a parent, you know you think you're gonna sleep in even on these moments. And no, we had no idea that it was daylight savings weekend.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

I don't know if I would agree to being on duty on daylight savings and have to deal manage that and get them ready for school on daylight savings. Those, you know, the grumpiness of waking up that that extra hour. That that's that's huge.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Yeah, because we're losing an hour.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Yeah, you lost we lost an hour.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Well, I didn't even know I lost an hour, so I ended up getting up at six, which my clock said seven, and I thought, you know what? Let me just get on up. But it was actually six.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

You didn't realize that means he was doing that means he was relaxing so good. You didn't even know what happened because I called you and was like, hey, did you know it's daylight savings? You're like, no. I was like, but then I was like, hold on.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

She told me that at like six o'clock while I was out and about.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Getting some uh oh, I got some great Indian food.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

I thought you literally knew it was daylight savings and agreed to that weekend. Like you specifically picked that weekend because you picked a weekend.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

I like the sabotage.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

I think he's trying to set me up, like let me let me throw this wrench at him. Daylight savings. That's right. Out, you deal with that. I was like, she set me up, brother. It's all good. Well, I'm gonna take this on the chest.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

I mean, I do whatever any means I need to do to get out.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

So but then here's the deal, though. We we actually wanted that for you, though. Everybody, did y'all want that for you? We want that for you. You wanted that for me because you're your best self. If you are refreshed and replenished and rejuvenated and re-energized, you're our best, you're your best self for us.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

Yes, and Federic has been traveling a lot, so he's like, I'm not saying that you're getting that solo time like working because you are have a very hefty schedule when y'all are on these um work trips, but you are still having solo time, yeah. But I was like, oh my gosh, Fedric, like, has he ever experienced a hotel by himself?

SPEAKER_00 7:34

With no with no agenda, yeah, no agenda or no place to be.

SPEAKER_03 7:38

Oh my gosh, I just had an epiphany.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

I haven't. That I haven't?

SPEAKER_03 7:43

That you haven't. I have not. I have not maybe for your birthday.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Yeah, I've been in a bunch of hotels, but not not necessarily any without an agenda.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

We are hotel people, we love just bougie quality.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

It gotta be. Hey, honestly, ain't nothing wrong with this. We're like four stars or above.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Four stars above.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Four stars plus. Like, we ain't doing the three and a half, the three point eight, so we ain't gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

We can. We can't we don't.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

But if we choose, if we're gonna choose, I'm like, if you're gonna spend your money, find a deal on the four star five stars.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

People think find your deal. They literally ball on the budget. The older I get, I'm just so grossed out by things. And I think when you're in college and stuff, I I mean I've stayed in some shady places.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Oh, yeah, yeah. You you in college, you gotta do what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

But we have we are grown and sexy.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

When you're grown and sexy, I'm like, hey, I'm just gonna say this one thing. Uh if I see a picture of the hotel and I see a little tub and it's surrounded by carpet right next to the bed, I ain't booking that one. That one scares me. It creeps me out for some reason. Ain't nothing wrong with it if you like those types of hotels.

SPEAKER_03 8:47

That's what you're into.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

If you want to sleep and dip, dip on the page. Yeah, you do that in Mexico. That's fine.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

We've had a tub in the middle of a place in Mexico, but it's tile.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

That's different. With carpet, right when you step out of the big, the big tub and you just sloshing on that. You you could hear the little squishiness in the nah, I can't do it. I'm out. I can't even get a sock wet.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

If I get my socks wet, I'm actually just all grossed out by this conversation. And so are you. You're listening here.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

This is why you you get me. You get me.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

I get you.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Some people be splashing in there like they're wearing some rain boots with toes just on it. Nah, don't you? Just grounding on the wet carpet. Ground? Grounding, yeah. You know, barefoot grounding on the wet carpet. It's just ugh.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

I just can't do it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

Y'all don't be trying to send me no wet carpet in the middle.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

I think when that tub was even in the Mexico one, nobody tubbed.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Nobody tubbed. Nobody's not gonna use it. It's a deterrent. It's it's a deterrent. Like, I'm not going there.

SPEAKER_03 9:49

Anyways, anything. But did you had a fresh thing?

SPEAKER_00 9:53

You can't. You should have. I know you got something fresh. Well, here's the deal. When you go on your staycations, you meet with the Lord, you have your little time and the word and okay. Do all that.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Like there's the parts of the trip that need to just be service level. You need to get your shows in, you need to get some gut eats.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

A little Netflix and chill.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

You need a nap.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

You need to take a long shower. You need to do some skincare things. Maybe you put off. Um, you need to just stare off into space and enjoy the silence.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

A little mask action.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Coffee will be happening.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Little eye. Mask action. The little eye. Little eye. The little gel ding.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

They call them performative eye patches. Well, they think people on the internet that are using the eye patches to girls, it's performative.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Okay, performative eye patches. I didn't know what that was.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

It's just like a new accessory. It's like the I've been wearing those since we like six years ago when we lived downtown.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

I know you just put one on those mu you just put one of those on me recently. I ain't got I I got they are nice. They're refreshing though.

SPEAKER_03 10:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

They're look cold on your eye.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

We kept we keep the under eyes fresh. Got to. Um, that's how we are aging like fine water.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

We just gotta work on the top eye next. They got anything for the top eye? Nothing for the upper eye.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Why the upper eye gets no love though? Put some cream on there. Is that what you do? Oh my gosh, do you moisturize your eyes?

SPEAKER_00 11:12

I didn't know you could. Like you could moisturize eyes? Oh, what do you do with that? No clue. We could give the upper eye some love.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

Skin care in 2026.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

I do need a skincare routine. If you guys have a good skincare routine for me, for your boy, please comment below down. Give me a good skin route.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

Because we know the guys are listening. Y'all love this podcast.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

I ain't got nothing to tell you that.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

What is your skincare routine? And what should we adopt? Give me some products. Give me some products. I have a lineup.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

You do. But anyway. And it makes my camera fresh.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

Here's the deal. I love that time because, and this is why, ladies, I think you need this time too. Is meeting with the Lord. In an unar uninterrupted like our quiet times get smaller and smaller as moms and life goes on. And it's not like in my 20s when I could dedicate a whole morning just out, let out with the Lord. My prayer life and everything is just more daily, all day communication while I'm moving. I do have a quiet time. I wake up way earlier than not way I get radical, but earlier than the kids so that I can have that space and time. Because I think that's the most important. Like I can tell by the difference of the day if I'm not meeting with God in that quiet time. So, anyways, I just use it as a time to reflect and ask the Lord what He wants me to focus on this year. Um and I write down a lot of different things. So this time.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

What was your first thing?

SPEAKER_03 12:50

Um, I mean, this time, this is interesting. I felt like so I am a dreamer and I have a dream log, and I you know, it's so interesting that I can the Lord has answered me and shown me so much through my dreams. If you're a prophetic dreamer, you understand. And so this time I went back through my dream log and kind of recap the year and kind of see what it came to be and what maybe he's showing me, and to really kind of tone in and um so yeah, I just want to be, I think I get older and like I said, I have a birthday, I'm a year older, and I want to be more mindful of my time, and I want to be more um obedient in my gift things that are truly me.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

And um yeah, If you're afraid, take time to discover yourself and be more uniquely you and dream bigger. And I want to drive red, like don't be afraid to dream bigger.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

I can't stay okay Frederick, like I said, and I couldn't be more opposite because I could say, I mean, imagine me. If Frederick is not doing that in his stay cation, no, okay, I could literally with my journal and my thoughts and just I'm like I'm doing a stay cation, I'm not taking one pen.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

I'm gonna put it like that. I ain't taking one pen.

SPEAKER_03 14:20

What? Well, they have a pen there for you right next to your bed.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

It stays there because I don't even touch it. Some people take pen. That ain't me. I ain't touching pen. Don't give me your pen.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Moving on to today, it's funny. We're sitting here talking about us and dreams and dreams and goals and aspirations for ourselves, which it's not just myself. Now I have a family, I have a husband. We said it a thousand times, but this is our 10-year anniversary coming April.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

And we're like, what a great time for us to come up with and share some of our relationship goals with y'all. Because you know, if you don't have goals, you ain't moving nowhere. You ain't moving forward without goals.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

And I think as parents, you can kind of put into the back burner of where it all started.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Yep, yep. You can't forget how it all started. The simple days.

unknown 15:17

My goodness.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Just talking, just chatting it up under a tree.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

Tree lying. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

In the hot tree.

SPEAKER_03 15:23

We did have a lot of conversations under this giant like oak tree.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Yeah, it was oak. It was big. It was oak. It was oak.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

I didn't know it was a nice shade.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That ain't no fur tree. That was oak.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

In his apartment.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 15:38

Oh my gosh, ladies. If you were in a new situation, new relationship, or about to be in one, man, those butterflies, don't let anybody steal a rob from that season.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

And find y'all a good tree to converse under. Find you a good big tree, a solid tree.

SPEAKER_03 15:57

Is that why you say conversation? I did work.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

I did work. I didn't even know that I wore converse around it when we were talking much. And I was conversing at the time.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Look at that. You're converse?

SPEAKER_00 16:05

God knew. Look at that. That ain't no happenstance. It just had to be.

SPEAKER_03 16:09

I need to bring Converse back.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

We can bring it back. We'll bring it back. But let's jump into the relationship goals. What's your first one? You're going ladies before gentlemen. Yeah, and you've been talking about it.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

What's your number one? I I feel like we might have.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

I don't think I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

I don't know if we're gonna match up. We match up on sometimes we're so opposite, but we we kind of think on the same page so much. So I'm curious to see if we match up on our goals. We didn't talk about it, we didn't discuss it. So you guys are getting it live firsthand, fresh off the press.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

Fresh off fresh off the press.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

What's your number one?

SPEAKER_03 16:43

I think we've been talking a lot about calendar planning on this podcast. And like I said, as time goes on, I probably one of my big ones is just more unrip uninterrupted time with you.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Ah, more uninterrupted time.

SPEAKER_03 17:00

And things outside the house. Like babysitters are expensive, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yeah, they is.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

In this area, they are about$27 an hour. So we're gonna go get us a little dairy.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

Babysitter is making bank out here. If you a babysitter, you need to move out here.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

Oh my goodness. Making bank. Y'all run that business. Don't let anybody hold you down. You're 13, but that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

It's expensive, and I'm arguing the price. It's worth every penny. It is.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

But what I'm saying, it is like plus going out and the dinner, it can definitely add up. And people without kids just don't. It's like us when we didn't have kids. We were just out and about traveling, flying everywhere, booking trips.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

I think that's I think that your number one is probably close to my number four. My number two, actually. It's close to my number two. I did. Mine said, Mine said, more date nights just us. I think that line. See, I told y'all we we have not discussed this actually.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

We're already and we're like, yeah, let's get on into our date nights just us.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Because we do date days, we do all that stuff. We bring child around. We get creative, we do nighttime game nights. We get we get wild a boggle on Netflix, games. If you ain't did it, you better get on that boggle. Uh you better get on it.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

We have a grilled steak night.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Yep, steak night Friday. Game night.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

We do a lot of creative things, but we do creative things, but what we gotta say is you want to.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

We gotta get more just alone time us than now about. Yeah, leaving our home and stuff and leaving the area and just us and without without our third party Shiloh. Look at Shiloh our our third musketeer.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Shiloh is about to turn three. My girlfriend is she's all over the place. Yeah, she is. She's like not little babies gone.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

She she she's trying to run the roost and ain't how she tries to run us.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

She just tells us what to do. I'm like, girl, you're on this.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

She's a teenager. She's a three. What's your number two? No, you number two. I knew number two.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

I don't have these really. I don't have these in order.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Okay, let's go. I'm just thinking of them. My number one, my number uh one of mine I have, probably number one, one of my number ones, it's not particular order, is probably communicate more.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

Oh, I thought you were gonna say something.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

More check-ins, more check-ins, communicate more because I I I I'm an under-communicator, so I sometimes say one line and I feel like she's gonna get it and understand what I'm saying. Like, hey, I told you this, but I said it one short time and then really go into and elaborate and give all the details. But in my head, I feel like I did all that, but I just had a conversation with myself.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

So yeah, but we are I mean we're all guilty.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Yeah, we're all guilty of that.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

I think me and you are like you're saying you want more because we talked about it the other day, like more of a set time of the week.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Yeah, we come together and just where we just really which I think we've been better at. Yep, yep, we've gotten better at it. But I'm saying we it's more a goal to get improvement. You can always improve, like you're not saying we're horrible these things, it's just saying like it's areas to improve. You gotta always find areas to improve in relationships, or your relationships get stale, yeah, and old and crusty. Nobody wants a crusty relationship, no crust, no crust, nah, nah, no crust. Peel that off, cut that off. What's your um what'd you get?

SPEAKER_03 20:23

That was so good, Fed. Hey, it's just wow, I'm just spitting them out there. You are just, and you guys are, I mean, married, not married, solo, single time. Now I hear our daughter screaming and crying in the background. I just got distracted. You can jot these down. Here's the deal is like relationships, you have to have goals because you have to continue um fine-tuning your relationship when you just like coast and think it's like even the best of relationships, you can it's just like every every you're improving yourself. It's the same.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

You can buy a well-oiled machine, like you can get a G-Wagon, you know, a G-Wagon, but you still need to take it to get tune-ups. You still gotta take it to get an oil change. So it can be the best, most expensive, nice ride looking ride out there, but you don't take it to get a tune-up, it's gonna break down eventually on you. So you gotta that's what it is. Relationships too need tune-ups.

SPEAKER_03 21:20

You can't just be fancy on the outside. That's what I'm saying. Not on the outside. Inner work. Um, yeah, I I mean, I think every couple who's married get this in your brain.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Oh my rich.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

Is to up the you know what.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

You said on the podcast, can't say that up the you know what? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

And we're just gonna keep it sliding. We're just gonna keep it sliding.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

What is happening here, guys? God about to get us booted out, booted out. Well guys, we need to save electric slide. This is getting no better. Like you can't save it. You just gotta let it roll. Let it roll. You're talking about those wet wild slides?

unknown 22:16

That trick. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

We're moving on. Moving it on.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Obviously, that should be everybody's goal. You can always up that.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

That's how God designed it. That's how God ordained it. Moving on. Yeah. Thank goodness, guys. Builds the connect keeps the connection strong, guys.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

Keeps it.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Well, I'm gonna go to another one. Okay. Another one is probably to play less tic-tac-toe.

SPEAKER_03 22:43

What does this mean?

SPEAKER_00 22:45

You know, it's just there's like, you know, in marriage and relationships. This is why I do it. That's why I make my points. It's it's it's it's it makes the point much better. So you play less tick-tac-toe. Meaning that, you know, in marriage and and even in relationships, you can get when you start getting familiar with someone, you could start getting ticky tack with each other or or like tat. You know, like not jabs or throwing little tiny jabs. You call it tit for tat, but I call it tit tattoo. Tiki tat? Or you only call it tiff-ta-toe. If that's better for you, tiff tattoe. But you know, you you could say like little small things and and that stuff, and that's the stuff that builds into like to allow animosity to come in your relationship and to allow you know hurts and grievances and all that stuff to come in through. So, you know, we try to stop ourselves early in that. Like, you have disagreements, you can you can have bad days and all that stuff, but we we don't let our stuff get to the point where it's like overblown, like we call it out quick and often and early. But this year it's just like the goal is to like do less. We don't do it that much, but even do less of it that we've done.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Well, I think, yeah, when you're comfortable with one another, like even in your tone, you can think like, oh, what was the problem with my tone? Like, it was fine. And it's sometimes not even it's not even about the person, you could just you know, like I've said, be on that time of the month, or and I'm even being more mindful of that and not letting that be an excuse because I think as girls we could just be like, well, it's my time of the month, like that's just how I act, that's just how I am.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

So you say sometimes y'all use that as an excuse?

SPEAKER_03 24:10

I don't, but I'm really trying to.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

But y'all could, but I nobody's gonna argue that it's not.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

It's not an excuse because it is like it's easy to be irritable and annoyed. But I one of my goals in probably even the last couple years has always been like my tone.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Like, would you talk to your boss or your pastor or a friend or a pastor? Like, we're aunt and uncle like that.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

Yeah, we can be so loose with the people we love, and I think also with kids, um, with Zang, you know, he's almost eight, and he's so aware. Yeah, even Haven, like, just so aware. It's not like when they were toddlers and you're just like and they're still watching.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

That's what I'm saying. They're just watching you're giving them visuals and they're learning this is what they're gonna use when they get in this position, they're gonna follow your lead that your standard, your that you're showing them. So we're teaching the next generation with our kids for sure how to have respect and how to really communicate in a nice, kind, respectable way to each eat with each other. So no more tick-tac toe or tift tift taff toe.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

But it's not even like wild if you literally and I love no jabs, just hugs. Speaking of hugs, that was one of mine.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

That was yours.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

Um, I think that they it's because Patrick and I are both at home, yeah, and we like work together and there's so much to do. There's we've got kids at home, we're always at home.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Something's always pulling pulling down.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

Something is that you can it all can blur together. So I even probably even back to like the date nights and stuff, yeah. You know, it's but it's just more intentional. Like you can kind of go through the whole day and you're like, oh my gosh, like nobody's hugged or kissed or taken that time, and it's just taking that time. I think uh like a lot of these goals are just making sure you're setting space and time for each other, and to like if someone's if you're talking to me to actually be looking you in the eye, not just like you know, you catch yourself just oh uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. So own own the day.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Don't let the day own you. Yes, own the day.

SPEAKER_03 26:15

Well, yeah, owning the day, I think that's like when I think about like how I set up my week is that there is a little of everything. Yeah, so there is the stuff I'm getting done, the obvious things we have to do to run a whole household, but also like, are we incorporating fun with each other? Are we doing something that's new and fresh every week? I think keeping a week fresh, fresh things is actually plan something you don't do on a normal basis. Like every live your life. Don't visit a coffee shop that you drive by every day that you just don't walk in there, or you know, drive to the other side of town. Like it doesn't have to be a big Mexico excursion, it could just be like, you know what, I've never been over there. Like let me go see what that's about. Let me, you know, walk around this trail.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

You got any more? I got more.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

I think I got a couple, but I think um like when I go away for those staycations, I think obviously is to continue to like you said, dream big. Like dream big together, like make sure with each other because again, you're just running your day-to-day and you're like, what are our goals? Like I my goal is to make sure we're setting goals. I know that sounds wild, but it's like making sure, you know, I love a beginning of the year plan session, but um You can't plan by yourself and you have a family with someone, you gotta incorporate everything. And it's like that is great for that. Yeah, but to keep like-minded on the same path, running the same path, we have to have goals for our family. Yep. We have to have goals for you know, it could be travel, it could be what's our goal financially, what's our goal, what's our next big thing, what's the thing, the the God.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

The god.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

God almighty, alpha and go. He was like, put some respect.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Put some respect on it. That's kind of like I had that. That was one of mine to create more spaces to connect on on these type of things, and that's like connecting on passions, purposes, all that stuff. You're you're just trying to hold my hand in the podcast. Just holding hand on Drew very more.

SPEAKER_03 28:35

Yeah, if you're watching on YouTube, that's very Drewish.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

That's very Drewish.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

If you're watching on YouTube and you have any idea, Drew is always always like grabbing somebody's hand.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

So here's my other two. Here's my other two to very serious wrap it up with these. Seriously last two. Very serious.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

You want to win at boggle in number one.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

No, no, okay. No, I'd be beating you, Boggle. Don't try that. Don't try. We can boggle right now, anyplace, anytime. Let's go.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

You wanna go play putt-putt?

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Putt putt.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

Because I do. That's one of my goals, actually.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

Play putt-putt. Well, hey, that's a good date night. We could add that to the date night list. But here's my two. One. You gotta pray more together as a couple. I'm going serious, I'm going deep. Pray more together. Together. We pray a lot together. We do pray a lot, and we do pray a lot individually, and we pray together sometimes. But I feel you could always ramp that up because with today in the world, you gotta stay prayed up. You gotta stay strapped with your armor, all that stuff. The armor of the god, armor of the god. Well, I'm saying that I'm saying the god too. The armor of God. Stay strapped, stay prayed up because you know, there's a lot of stuff out there trying to get you. So stay prayed up together. I've obviously I feel if you if you surround yourself with prayer, that also helps your relationship too. Like nothing can come against it, nothing can try to break what God's put together. So you want to stay prayed up and line it up.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

That's funny. I actually had that.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

Anything else you want to add to it before I go to my next one?

SPEAKER_03 30:04

Well, no, I just had that. It's like a mixture of that, like the praying together, and then when we were first married, and even like three years ago when we were at our our old house, we had a prayer wall.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

We did. So I wanted to bring back bring back the prayer wall where you put on our things we were praying for and answered prayers on one side, and people were on there, things like, and I just wanted to since we've been in this house, we haven't done that. Yeah, and bringing it back.

SPEAKER_03 30:33

I wanted to bring back that, and I think yeah, I was like praying together, and um yeah, so can you continue?

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Let's go praying together. That's it. See?

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Oh no, devotional. I wanted to do a structured devotional with you.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

I love me. I love me a devotional.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

Federic got a little bit of that technical.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

That's that's that's a ooh. Devotional. I love a good devotional. Just it's hard to get me to do the shared devotionals together, though, because Jacqueline does 45 devotionals at the same time. We have devotionals. I'm gonna do my own. I just want one. Give me one devotional. But you got 45 of them. I'm like, I can't do 45.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

We have our nighttime devotional with the kids. We do two devotions.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

Yeah, we that's true. We do.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

I've got two other devotionals.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

So that's a low, that's low for you. Usually you're averaging at least 10.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

I just joined a community neighborhood Bible study with mom.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

See, she's input. I'm not input. I'm like, just give me one. Let me do my one, let me get my one fresh mana for the day. Let me let me roll out.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

I think the quick hit ones could keep us like on, and we can't do that with the kids devotional. That's why I like it because they're quick, and it literally is something they can apply throughout the day, and then at the end of the day, we kind of come back and go, hey, like, did you see yourself being kind or did you see it's like we're doing couples counseling right on the fly?

SPEAKER_00 32:02

Okay, I hear you, I hear you, and I will agree with you. Would you do a devotional to devotional with you? You pick the devotional, and I will do it, and I will commit to the entire length of it because that is on your goals, your relationship goals, and I will I will accept your and I will book the babysitter. You'll book the babysitters.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

My goodness.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

I'm doing it wait, I have one more, I have one more again, another handhold. Another one.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

My goodness.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

The last the last one I had, the most serious.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

The most I've ever heard him talk on this subject.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

The most serious one I got for relationship goals for this.

SPEAKER_03 32:36

Intentionality, I'm so proud.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

Thank you, thank you. But this you might enjoy this one is to take more allergy medicine. I need I need to really take more allergy medicine because you know I I I was told I'm told that I I become a different person when my allergies go wild. I need to do something because my my turn to I have a different personality. Guys, honestly, we I lose my personality when my allergies go wild, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 33:02

If you stay to the end of this podcast, who knows if we will stay in Texas?

SPEAKER_00 33:07

That's what I'm saying. Because I mean, it's wild. I I turn into a version of myself. She's like, Where are you? It's always where are you right now? I was like, I don't know, I'm in a fog somewhere. And people have allergies, you deal with it.

SPEAKER_03 33:17

I feel really bad. His allergies are so bad here. Yeah, we are in like a suburb of Dallas, but like more north than we've ever been.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

And I ain't built for the farm.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Borderline country.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

I ain't a country boy. I feel like I'm a city boy.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

If you have allergies and you live on a farm, what are you taking? And I think over here it's a cedar, it's called cedar fever.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Is that what it is?

SPEAKER_03 33:45

Yes. And they're also building a lot in this area, and so we're dealing with the dust of all the new construction.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

They've got cedar fever, new construction fever.

SPEAKER_03 33:54

Everything building from houses to restaurants to stores, like no, no chance for me. So we're real, I mean, literally, you consider like, is this the best place to be living for allergies?

SPEAKER_00 34:06

The quality of life.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

If you live somewhere where you think is allergy free, hit us up. We would love to know about it.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Yeah, we're we're we're yeah, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

But yes, I think Fed road trip.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Fed road trip just. When I'm uh so I don't have allergies. Only when I don't have only when my allergies are flaring up.

SPEAKER_03 34:27

When his allergies are bad, he is literally a zombie.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

I know, I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:31

We need him to come back to us, yes. But we travel, I mean that was kind of one of my points, too, is like more travel alone together. Because in December we went to um Tampa, Florida, and that was so nice. Um, the area we were in, but none of us experience allergies, which is close to your motherland. It is, it is close to the thing you didn't experience.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

I did not, I did not.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

I raised born and raised.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

I guess I just need to be near an ocean or something. I gotta go back to the ocean.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

Okay, you heard it here first. Moving to the ocean, moving to the ocean.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Somewhere West Coast, East Coast, North Coast, it doesn't even matter, South Coast, South Coast?

SPEAKER_03 35:11

No, anyways, guys. Like, I love this conversation with you. I hope people enjoyed it and getting a little insight into things you could also Yep and this is applicable for anything.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Anyone do with all relationships.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

I mean, relationships are relationships, relationships are relationships, but I I mean when you think you've made it, you just probably need to dig in a little deeper. And it's so good to talk to your spouse and to hear like things he finds important, yeah. Because you could be over there thinking, like, oh, I wish he did this, but y'all haven't even talked.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

How do you even know?

SPEAKER_03 35:45

And both of y'all actually want that, exactly. And don't let life, I mean, life and kids and jobs and all of our responsibilities just you know consume us at times. And God is first, then us, then our kids. I know that's a hot topic, but that's the order. That is the order, guys.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

Yeah, it's like don't sit on things too long, just communicate, just have open communication, just allow your person to hear their heart through it, and that's the way that you don't build up angst and and grievances and get a cold heart toward each other. Like you gotta talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Because you could take this list and go, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:27

Pray every day. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Like, nah, nobody's saying all that. We're looking, we're all coming with the same way. Yeah, I want to pray more in my whole day, or to become better husband and wife or better relationships, grow deeper together, know each other more. It's like you never stop learning, you never stop learning each other. So if you never stop, if you take that, uh if you take that position of I'm gonna never stop learning you or growing together with you, then the relationship will always be fruitful, it'll always continue to be sweet. And you wanna, hey, that's it. You don't want to dry relationship.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

Well, yeah, and I think it's also getting back to foundations like it's so funny, a lot of these goals are things that were our foundational reasons why we got together and things we had in our first year of marriage. And like you said, you become a more richer version of yourself as you um go on. I mean, we have 10 years, it's not 50 years, but I wear somebody said I told Frederick is that quote where somebody said, you know, if you're gonna celebrate anything as a married person, of course, celebrate your birthdays, but go all out on anniversaries because birthdays are gonna come regardless. But a marriage is earned and worked or is work you work for that. You gotta work for that. You gotta work for that. Work hard for that. Worth celebrating. And I feel like I'm just getting started in this marriage. I feel so excited every day and excited to just go, wow, I still have so much to learn about Patrick. There's so much the Lord has for us. He's an onion. I'm grateful for the life that we live and our kids. And I just look at it after 10 years, and I can't talk about it, and we're gonna start crying. We'll do an anniversary um talk one day, but I just think God really has led us into a beautiful season that was very challenging to even get into challenging to get here, but it's been great being here. It's just like if God says to go forward, go forward, like this is a whole nother topic, but I'm just that's what you want to work on. You you work on things that you value and you cherish. If you don't, then you're like, eh, I don't gotta do anything. It's not no, the things we love are the things we tend to that we make time for, and it's wanting to give your heart and soul to something that God has blessed you for. And we can take for granted not just our marriages, we can take for granted our friendships, our jobs, our kids, and just start thinking, no, this is just common and this is just normal. Like, no, these were prayers you once had that you're not living in these days.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

And then you're like, if you keep working on it, how much better can it get? Yeah, if it's already good, you're making it better and better, so it's just gonna keep getting better. So that's the whole motivation.

SPEAKER_03 39:28

Let's work on it, and then we'll report back in the year and tell you how we did.

SPEAKER_00 39:33

Yeah, we'll probably have some more goals as the year goes on. You just never know. We might have more goals, you know. Life happens, life changes, life we gotta keep on improving.

SPEAKER_03 39:40

Right now, we're planning our travels, so I want to get on out there.

SPEAKER_00 39:44

Yeah, we gotta get our travel goals.

SPEAKER_03 39:46

Travel goals.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

This has been the fresh thing podcast.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

And of course, you guys, I know of course you guys are part of our goals. Yep. We have wanted to start this podcast for a while, and we do it, are doing it because we love to pour in and encourage, and that is something that does bring Frederick and I together. And uh just wanted to share with you that you are part of the goal too.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

Yes. Remember y'all hit that thumbs up, subscribe. Share this with someone that needs some relationship goals. Share it. Y'all know people like that. You know, you know, y'all know, you know. But anyway, it's a fresh thing podcast. We out.