Beyond Youth Homelessness - Jack

In this episode of Beyond Homelessness: Conversations That Matter, we meet Jack, a lived experience peer worker at Project Youth, whose story explores what it means to search for a sense of home beyond just physical space.

Growing up in country New South Wales, Jack shares how not fitting traditional ideas of masculinity left him feeling isolated, misunderstood and disconnected from those around him. He speaks openly about the impact this had on his mental health, including experiences of deep loneliness and suicidal ideation, and the challenges of navigating a world where emotions were often suppressed rather than supported.

His story highlights the importance of connection, empathy and truly listening to young people, reminding us that behaviour is often a form of communication, not a problem to be fixed. Jack reflects on how his lived experience now shapes his work, using his voice to support others and create spaces where young people feel seen, heard and valued.

Thank you for listening and for joining us as we continue working toward a future where youth homelessness does not exist.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

This episode contains discussions about homelessness, hardship, and personal struggles, which may be sensitive or triggering for some listeners. Our goal is to share real stories with honesty and respect. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs support, please reach out to local resources. See our bio for links. Beyond Homelessness is a platform for young people to be heard, to tell stories that inspire, to have a voice at the table and see themselves represented. We believe that stories are a form of magic, that they can create new worlds, convey emotions, and inspire ideas. The stories you will hear in this series not only demonstrate the strength and resilience of the people sharing them, but will also get you thinking about viewpoints beyond your own and challenge you to consider the change that needs to take place in order to build a future where youth homelessness does not exist. Well, hello and welcome everyone to another episode of the Beyond Youth Homelessness Podcast. I'm your host, Matt, and today in the studio I have Jack. Jack, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Yeah, thank you so much. Thanks for having me. It's an honor and a privilege to be sitting across from you today and to be able to share my story. Yeah, mate. So stoked to have you here.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

And Jack, you and I have known each other for about a year now because you work here at Project Youth.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Can you give us a little snippet about what you do? Yeah, exactly. So I've been here for a year as a lived experienced peer worker. Yeah, beautiful. Which has been, yeah, I've I've loved working here. So yeah, basically, my role entails making sure young people, when they walk through our doors, are safe, connected, achieving, and healthy. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. And yeah, I run Compass on Friday with Tash, which is our drop-in clinic at Miranda, nine to three during school term. I love a free plug. Here we are. Yeah, well, I I gotta say what we're doing. Uh then before doing a bit of community engagement. So yeah, going around to different schools and connecting with the community and yeah, just letting people know about youth homelessness and the issues that exist and what services we provide here at Comfass. So, yeah, I suppose I love most what I love most here is just making sure that young people are really heard, that they're understood, and that they know that they matter and they have belonging in this world, and that we're happy to help them along their journey. So incredible. And you do such an amazing job of it.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Loved having you on the team and really excited to hear from you more in the podcast. Um, so Jack and I had the opportunity to sit down earlier and he shared some of his story with me. And although Jack's story isn't one of experiencing homelessness as we have come to understand it here on the podcast, it is a journey searching for home, um a place where you can feel loved and safe and seen. Uh, growing up in country New South Wales, Jack struggled to find his own sense of identity and masculinity. Not fitting the mold at home or with his friends, Jack found himself isolated and his mental health suffered as a result. We do want to reinforce the content warning for this episode, as Jack's story is one that involves suicidal ideation. So we do ask our listeners to take care of themselves as they participate in the storytelling today. Um, so in a moment, we are going to hear more from Jack. I can't wait for you all to hear from him. I mean, this incredible guy. Um, we're gonna hear different aspects of his journey, the challenges he's faced, the people that he's met, and the lessons that he's learned. But before that, Jack has uh shared with me that he's a bit of a poet, a wordsmith, as it were. Um, and Jack, you've actually written a poem about your life story. Um, and you've actually been kind enough to offer to share it and speak it here on the podcast. So I'm gonna hand it over to you, Mate. And uh and yeah, hear your work.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Yeah, I'll read it out and I'll just say um it's so good that we're finally speaking because I yeah, I mentioned to Jody that wanted to be on the podcast and we're finally here with the podcast. And here we are. That's pretty cool. And yeah, get a free, free plug for my poetry. So that's pretty good. But um, no, I just thought um for for those that are listening, I think this can give a bit of context to my story and that it can yeah, give you an idea of what we're gonna discuss. And sometimes you can get lost in a story. So being able to just take the uh for me when I just took the time to sit down and express myself, I I think yeah, you can express yourself a lot better sometimes when you just sit down and and write. So yeah, wanted to give some context into my story. Beautiful. Yeah, so let's hear it. For the first time. For the first time in my life, I see more opportunities than barriers. I feel more safety than fear. For the first time in my life, I don't hold a deep resentment to my father. For the first time, I now know and feel. Your father is only your father until one of you forgets. My father is my blood. He gave me life, though I now own the lungs in my body, the oxygen I inhale, the home I inhabit, the presence I embody, the vessel I choose to exist in. For the first time, I'm incredibly excited for what my life will entail. For the first time in my life, I don't value or use the word failure. It's now only used in the context of muscular failure in the gym. Matt's laughing. For the first time, I only want to leave this earth when my lungs give way and my heart transcends, to wherever we all deem that to be. For the first time, I am more than my hometown, more than my name, the money in my bank account, more than the vulnerable child who couldn't defend himself. For the first time in my life, I don't inhabit suicidal ideation or attempts. Now my journey of suicide uplifts those around me. Now I'm removed and can use my lived experience to empower the beautiful souls who need to be heard, felt, understood, in presence, in shared empathy and care. For the first time, I don't feel the need to incessantly apologize for having normal reactions to deeply distressing circumstances and those triggers being re-triggered. I'll only apologize when I need to sincerely apologize, out of a place of respect and dignity, rather than fear and performing. My self-worth is no longer on the line. For the first time I realize the past and the future is an endless void to which I can never fill. Just call our shadow the horizon. This way we will never reach it. How enriching and soul cleansing to know we will never reach the horizon, we will never reach our past or future. For the first time, I I know that loneliness is still time spent with the world. For the first time, I'm writing you this poem and letter, sending you my love.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Oh, I'm getting choked up. That was beautiful, Jack. Thank you so much for that. Um and thank you so much for that beautiful insight into the story that we're gonna unpack a little bit more. Um, so there is so much. My number two, I just need a little moment. Um that's a mini moment. We're gonna push through. Um, there's so much we want to hear from you, um, your experiences and insights as someone who has had to, I guess, uh, navigate parts of life that many don't. Um, so if you're ready, uh let's get started. Let's dive in. So, Jack, um, you shared with me earlier about, you know, little Jack growing up in in country New South Wales, and that there were parts of that that you really loved being out in in nature and having your your animals around, riding your bike, um, but that also it was challenging um in terms of I guess what what a man looks like in stereotypically, I guess, in in those kinds of communities. Um, which leads us into our first question. Growing up, how did ideas of identity and masculinity shape the way you saw yourself and and what impact did that have on your mental health?

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Yeah, so for context for the listeners, so yeah, I'm Jack and I grew up in a country town called Bathus, which is three hours west of Sydney, just over the Blue Mountains. It's got around 50,000 people, and well, not everyone knows each other, but most people know each other, which well, if you imagine that can be both very empowering, but it can also trap you. So yeah, and not not fitting that country mold. Um, it was difficult for me. And when you think about the country mold, it's I think in a lot of ways it's not really having authenticity, it's it's doing what other people expect you to, it's doing what your parents expect you to do. It's a lot of the time it's doing a very physical job. It's either being on the land, being on the farm, or it's doing a physical job. Like it's it's being a carpenter or a laborer or or or something like that. And yeah, for me, I've never really been interested in that. I've always yeah, I've always been the different one in the family, and and in a lot of ways, uh not a country person, although that's where my roots are. And yeah, as as you said, Matt, it's I've loved a lot of parts of it, like having my dogs. I've always grown up with dogs and always grown up with cows, and as we'll discuss a little bit um later on or in a minute. Um yeah, my my dogs have always been a safe haven for me. And as we're discussing before this podcast, I think animals and and particularly dogs have this incredible, this beautiful way of being able to sit with us uh non-judgmentally and and genuinely care for us. And yeah, they don't cast judgment. And you can have a good day, you can have a bad day, they're still gonna be there when you come home. And yeah, and to have that consistency and someone who cares for you when a lot of other people aren't, yeah, it is a safe haven, and yeah, it it's beautiful. And yeah, talking more about my story, I yeah, went to an all-boys high school, which yeah, had its challenges, and yeah, yeah, as we we'll talk about with uh masculinity and what it's like to or what it's supposed to be like to be a man. Uh a lot of that is ignoring your feelings, suppressing your feelings, being tough, uh, not showing any supposed weakness. Yeah, that classic rub just rub some dirt in it and it's a good thing. Yeah, exactly. Just toughen up, get on with it and still get on with it, mate. Yeah, and yeah, I think that is so harmful that everyone has emotions, everyone can be sensitive, and how incredible it is to be able to feel in a world that I think in a lot of ways doesn't want you to feel, especially especially in a country area and also older generation, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That are aren't necessarily in tune with their emotions, with mental health, with trauma. Um it's difficult to process your life, but you have to. What other choice do you have?

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Well, there's a reason why that um that slogan, it's not weak to speak, has become this thing. And and we were talking about this earlier, how I guess in your experience you had, I guess you were you were up against both generational stereo, like ideas of what masculinity looked like, but also societal ideas, yeah. And both were kind of coming together in your home, in your school, in your environment to kind of say, well, this is what it means to be a man. And and you know, you said that you kind of already had a sense that that didn't resonate with you even at a young age.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? You have all these ideas of who you're supposed to be, left, right, and center, and none of them are your own at an early age, and and when you're young, you you can't critically think for yourself. You don't know what authenticity is, you don't know what it's like to actually be yourself. So you have all these other people tell you what it's like, and and then it's only as you're growing up and later that you truly discover what your authenticity is and and for me what what it's like to be a true man. And that true man is is embracing his emotions, he's uh reaching out when he needs help, he he's supporting others when they need help. And yeah, that that shows up in my work as a lived experienced peer worker. Yeah, and when you're talking about my earlier experiences, yeah, I went to an all-boys high school. Um, a lot of the boys they don't really talk about their emotions, they're very interested in drinking on the weekends, or we weeknights as well, if if they want to. Uh drugs and and boasting about how many girls they've slept with. And yeah, that's never sit that's never sat right with me. And so I I felt like a bit of an outlier. And I was always curious, I always wanted to know the meaning behind something. I always I never just stopped with like get on with it. I that never sat right with me. So I started questioning things, and yeah, and when and I I think particularly when you have quite difficult experiences early on, and my dad didn't treat me very well, that that really changes you, and and in a lot of ways you do have to grow up a lot faster than other people, and you have to learn how to protect yourself, you have to learn how to be hyper-vigilant, you have to learn how to have your gloves up, and and that does have a cost. Yeah, it does hurt you, and yeah, and people need to know that.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Yeah. And you were you were sharing earlier about how I I guess you you looked around at the men around you, whether that's your dad at home, you have two other brothers or or your peers in school, and I guess um not seeing yourself in what is being presented to you. Um, and that that kind of that as a result meant you felt a little bit lost in terms of, well then who am I, and and who am I meant to be? And that there was an expectation of like, you know, sit down, shut up, fit in, yeah. Um and that that m that made you feel like maybe you weren't doing the right thing, that you weren't getting it right, that you weren't enough. Yeah. Can you talk to us about how like this ultimately what we're talking about, this toxic masculinity kind of fed into some unhelpful identity questions for you?

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um yeah, I I I struggled with my mental health for many years, and for a large part of my life, I I knew something was wrong. Yeah, but I I didn't know what was wrong because no one around me was talking about it. I I didn't have the tools and at the time was just easier to suppress and to be able to uh process my own trauma and I suppose to to give some context so I'm not jumping and jumping around so much, which is definitely my ADHD. When I talk about um a lot of the difficult experiences with my life, they they are to do with my family. They they are from my loved ones, and I also should preface by saying if if if my family is listening, if my if my dad is listening, I don't hold any resentment towards you. I do love you. You have hurt me, but genuinely you did the best that you could with the tools that you had, and that's more than enough for me. And I I don't need to be angry, I don't need to hate you any longer, I forgive you. I just hope that you can process some of the pain in your life. So yeah, when I look at uh my earlier experiences, they were yeah, quite difficult because I didn't receive that acceptance at school, so I was quite lonely. I didn't connect with my brothers, they were a lot like my dad, they were quite different, they were a lot more into kind of those blue-collar kind of you know, jobs and they fit the stereotype, so to speak. That older stereotype, that physical, manly man, uh not talk about your emotions, not be as sensitive, and and then yeah, um, from my dad, the older I got uh got the the more he disliked me because I branched away from him. I wanted to process my trauma, I wanted to talk about emotions. Yeah, I cared about psychology, I cared about trauma. Um I wasn't I wasn't interested in doing a physical job. Yeah. Actually, when I was younger, I wanted to be a professional runner, and then I wanted to be a journalist, and then I wanted to be a professional triathlete, uh and then I wanted to be a psychologist, and then I've come into peer work and I'll probably um yeah, start my counseling course soon and become a counselor. So I I've for the longest time been interested in helping people, and that that's always been my interest. So yeah. Anyway, talking about my dad, yeah. I feel like a lot growing up there wasn't a lot of emotional love. There was the love in the practical senses, which I think a s a lot of society recognizes and they're very important, but it's not all the love. And as we talked about, Matt, a home is is much more than the four walls of your house. It's a place where you feel safe, it's where you feel comfortable, it's where you feel connected, it's yeah, it's where you can be yourself, it's where you can be love for just being born. Yeah, not saying, Okay, you're born now. What what value you can you provide? Uh, because I think that's quite toxic. It it gets you believing that you always have to achieve something just to receive love. Yeah, and then my question is, is that really love at all? Yeah, that that's what you have to ask. That's conditional. It's always conditional. So we always talk about unconditional love the thing, right? Exactly. It's difficult, but it's what we need. And and so growing up, I always felt like I had to do something just to receive love. Can you do this? I I did what my dad asked me to. Then he'd move the goalpost and he'd go, Yeah, but you didn't do this. I cleaned the car for five hours. Yeah, but there's a bit of dust. And so that led me down a very dark road where I just felt really hopeless. I felt like nothing I ever did was good enough. And um, more times than not, dad would yell at us, he'd yell at my brothers and me, uh, especially me. He'd hardly ever talk to us, he'd just always yell. If we were one end of the house and he was the other end of the house, he'd just yell. He'd just jack. Instead of just walking and talking to me and come home year 12, and my bedroom door had been taken off because apparently I was spending too much time in my room. So yeah, that that was a bit of a shock for me. And yeah, when I was younger, I confronted my dad because he he he picked favourites, he picked my brothers over me. So I always felt undesirable, I always felt not enough, and I confronted my dad about it. And I said, Why do you why do you pick my two brothers over me? And he said, Yeah, he laughed in my face and he said, Yeah, I do pick your two brothers over you. So yeah, that led me down a very dark road. And I'm really grateful I'm still here. I did try to take my own life, but as we'll talk about, something very beautiful did save me.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Yeah, well like do you feel comfortable to talk about that?

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Um, and and it's good. I feel like as we're talking about it now, it's a lot smoother than before. Everything was over the place. But I feel like this is uh giving some good context into my story and and then we can build off that later. Yeah, um, so given the context of my childhood, it was it was quite difficult for me. It was quite a a lonely period of my life. And if I had to label the earlier chapters of my life, I'd call them loneliness. They'd all be loneliness. And you heard in my poem before, like uh talking about the loneliness, and I realize now that loneliness is is is still time spent with the world, even if we're alone, we are in connection with the world, and more importantly, we're in connection with ourselves. And yeah, I went down this really dark road uh because I'd finished school, so I didn't have that structure. I wasn't close really with anyone at school, but it was a form of connection, it was the life jacket, it was keeping me afloat. Yeah, but then finishing school, I I didn't really know what my purpose was. I didn't know what I was working towards. My dad had always told me what I was doing, what I'd what I was doing was wrong, but he he'd never really say, Well, this is what you should do, this is the righteous path. Um, so I I wasn't sure where to go. Not not that it's entirely on my dad, I want to say that as well. But I was I was just pretty unsure, not having those friends feeling really lost. And I think when you're a child that's constantly in survival, yeah, you can't explore, you can't be curious. Yes, and you know, so many people, uh young people, and especially young people that uh work here at Project Youth and have used Project Youth services, it's really, really hard to plan for the future when you're in survival mode, when you gotta disassociate, when you've got to fight, or you've got to run away. You can't really think what authenticity is for you, what you want for your future, what will bring you joy, who are good people for you. You can't start to think that because you're just thinking about how the fuck do I get to tomorrow? How do I survive tonight? How do I feel safe? How do I not hate myself today? So that was a big part of my life for a long time, and yeah, not having that belonging, I I just felt so lonely. Um, nothing really felt living like worth living for, and I'm tearing up as I talk about it now. It it got to the point when I was crying every day, like crying for hours and hours and hours, and sometimes I'd just get in the car and I'd just drive hours just to try to escape my mind, try to escape myself to just not experience this life anymore. And when I look at life, then I didn't want to escape the world, I just wanted to escape my pain, and that's a really big distinction there. Yeah, I think anyone who's suicidal doesn't really want to escape the world, they just want to escape their pain. Yeah, and suicide is not selfish, you're just doing what you can to protect yourself. So in late uh 2022, I thought nothing was worth living for. I was in so much pain. And one night I got in my car. Mind you, I had a lot of suicidal ideation before this, but it had just got to this point, the worst point, when I thought I'm I'm just gonna take my life, I'm just gonna do it. So I got in my car, I'm driving 130 kilometers an hour, I'm lining up the guardrails, man. I'm thinking, yeah, I'm gonna do it. Just crying because I didn't want I didn't want this life to end, but I just wanted to escape this pain desperately, desperately, desperately, desperately. And at the last possible moment, as I'm going to do it, I said, no, you can't. Life's worth living for. One day you're gonna be an amazing father, you're gonna have kids of your own, and you're gonna be able to tell them this story of how you overcame this. You're gonna be able to give them the childhood that you never had. And just because there's been so much hatred and so much shame doesn't mean that you can't gift other people love, you can't gift other people curiosity and and yeah, just a beautiful life. And I also thought of the partner I'd meet one day, and and that kept me going because I just thought this is permanent. If I do this, there's there's no going back. Yeah. And yeah, Matt, that's the greatest decision that I've ever made in my whole life. If if if I didn't choose to keep going, we don't have this conversation. Yeah. I wouldn't have met my friends, I wouldn't have met my f um partner, I wouldn't have been able to call my mum on the phone last night. I wouldn't have been able to come to Project Youth to start work here, to be able to do this podcast, to be able to call this place, my family. None of this would have been possible, and that's how powerful it is if you can choose to keep going with life. And yeah. I think it's on all of us to be able to recognize those around us that are struggling and that need the support. And especially for young people that are experiencing homelessness almost always having mental health issues and they need support. And the biggest reason for youth homelessness is family breakdown. So it's so important for us to be able to help families process their trauma and their pain and then be able to help young people so that they don't feel so lost, that they don't feel so alone, and that we can help people even if they're not suicidal. We should help everyone because if we truly support people and give them connection, I think a lot of the time we can stop people before they become suicidal, and that we can notice if they're acting differently, uh if they're acting out. And uh, we were discussing before. I really think when someone is acting out, they're not really acting out. I I don't believe this notion of oh, they're just acting out, they're just trouble. No, when someone is is not understood or they don't properly know how to communicate their needs, they will act them out in the best way they can. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 29:32

And sometimes that doesn't make sense to us.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Yeah, but if you if you think about charades, right? Yeah, you you can't say verbally what it is, right? Who you are, you have to act it out. Yeah, and that's the same with young people. Maybe their family or their friends don't have the space or the tools to understand, and they have to act it out. So it's up to all of us to be able to understand young people and look at their behavior and really look that there are no troubled young people. They're just acting out and they're doing the best that they can with the tools that they have. And that that reminds me of Tash when she was on, and I love love running Compass with Tash. She said, um, when you think about young people that are, you know, maybe doing graffiti or they're stealing from shops or they're jumping the gates on the trains, they're just doing the best with what they can. And maybe if they don't steal from the shops, they don't have any food for that night. And when we take a look back and and really look with empathy, we can understand why young people do what they do. And we stop looking at the symptoms and we start looking at the root causes.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Jack, I just want to say like thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing that. It's it's a hard topic and it's hard, uh, it's a hard conversation to have. Sometimes it's hard for people to hear, but it is an important one. And it's so important. Definitely thank you. Thank you for that. And and just kind of want to, as we move on to the next question, yeah. Um, for our listeners, if if you need a pause and just take a moment, please do. Um thankful to say, and and spoiler alert, like it does turn around. Uh-huh. Yeah. And it turns around for you, Jack. And and it absolutely does. Let's get into question two and we can hear all about it.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Yeah.