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Singles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds Podcast
Couples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options; to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual.
Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “Marriage is not the coming together of two people. It’s a clash of two cultures, two experiences, two memories, two habits, two morals, two values. And that is a formula for destruction” - Dr Myles Munro
“[It] is [also] the place of our healing. So don’t leave it too quickly” - Dr Creflo Dollar
You are destined to repeat the issues with a new partner. So, work it through with this partner, to better understand self; then you are in a better place to make an informed decision whether to stay or leave.
So, let’s begin our work together to detoxify the issues and get you closer to your abundant life living - bringing colour back to life - without Shame.
Here are some of the topics covered in the programme: “An Eclectic mix” of counselling and psychotherapy models. Those models include psychodynamic, Systemic, CBT, EMDR, EFT, Gottman, how the past has its tentacles in our present and is affecting our future; moving as much issues from the unseen (the unconscious); better understanding of Shame, Anger, Attachment, Addictions, Trauma, Grief/loss, Narcissism, Depression. (Trauma is the internal wound).
Not quickly, but by small incremental steps, not big leaps; neural pathways; Childhood development; The brain does not like pain; Childhood development can throw up a lot of clues if you go looking; Connecting with the unfinished business of childhood - which holds the keys to the adult behaviours - means finding and re-nurturing the child in you; recover from Sex, Porn, Love Addiction; equipped to become the author of your new destiny. Your future; Get knowledge. Get understanding.
Then reclaim your life; bring about change – over time, on the way to your recovery.
Gary McFarlane of The Kairos Centre launched a comprehensive Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Pre-Married prep, Partnerships, Couples, Marrieds, long, long time Marrieds/Partners) bringing together his experience with hundreds of Singles and couples over 23 years and a few books written on the subjects. (Visit www.kairos-centre.com).
Key words: Marriage Counseling, Relationship Advice, Marriage Tips, Couples Therapy, Healthy Relationships, Conflict Resolution in Marriage, Conflict management, Conflict Resolution, Marriage Communication, Building Trust in Relationships, intimacy in Marriage, Marriage Recovery, Sex in Relationships, Sex in Marriage, Sex not working, Sex dysfunction, Sex problems, Attachment issues in relationship, Childhood issues in relationship, Marriage Counsellor, Marriage Counselling, Couples counselling, Singles and issues
Singles Partners Marrieds Long Time Marrieds Podcast
Relationships is a transaction taking place
Let's look at:
Transactional Analysis, Personality Types and Ego States
Understand the person and you begin to understand what causes or contributes to conflicts. A little insight into Personality or psychological types (as a theory that explains some of the differences in people’s behaviors) can prove useful. There are predictable differences in individuals which show by the different ways in which they use their minds.
We have preferences. We instinctively pick up a pen and sign our names with one preferred hand. When we fold our arms we instinctively put the right arm on top of the left or vice versa. We can use the other arm, although it will be more awkward, take more thought and effort and be slower. I touch upon a few concepts below only to sow them in your mind, but I realise that they are not developed adequately as tools for you to yet use effectively. I make them available for your own further reading around the topics.
Personality type preference is about the way an individual chooses to use the mind to “perceive”, “judge”, for “introversion” or for “extraversion”. A basic level of understanding will empower us to consider adapting our behaviour accordingly, to affect the conflict for good or bad. Just be aware of these even though I do not use space here to develop them further at this time.
Transactional Analysis (TA) also explains and categorises the way a person relates or behaves. Their behaviour may differ in various circumstances and situations as they adopt different ego states. A person’s ego state includes their thoughts, behaviours and feelings and they express them in three different ways. They are Parent, Adult or Child. TA is about analysing the mechanics which operate when people endeavour to communicate their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. As a tool, it provides insight into managing and resolving conflicts. It is a useful tool in communication skills.
Whilst in the Parent state we express thoughts, feelings and behaviours learned from our parent figures – which were nurturing and protecting of us. They are the values and morals from our parents and are visible when we are critical and Judgmental; shown for example, by wagging the finger in a stern rebuke in a parental disciplinarian manner. In the Adult state those behaviours, thoughts and feelings are when we are more likely to make rational decisions and deal appropriately with options. Here we are rational with the facts and unemotional in problem solving or decision-making. The Child state is a free spirit wanting to have fun, be carefree and without responsibility. We experience the emotions from childhood. We use them to get our way.
An example, is where an Assistant solicitor says to the trainee, “My boss is not going to be pleased with your piece of research and I’ll be in for it if I give that to him, because you have missed out a vital piece of information”.
Concerned about his standing with the partner, the Assistant solicitor is in a dependent child ego state with the Trainee. The trainee may reply, “No problem, I’ll find the missing information and include it promptly for you. Don’t worry.” The trainee is in the parent (reassuring) ego state.
The importance of these concepts is that knowledge of their dynamics can enable us to break out, break free and change as circumstances require. Realisation about potential choices can enable us to stop, think and change our method of communication and thereby affect the relationship. So often, we see examples of how a person we are in contact with seems to make us behave in a particular way and we do not know why! We wish we could be set free.
Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which