Core Energy Experience
Uncovering the energy at life's core.
Core Energy Experience
E55 - Core Energy Dynamics Master | Part 2
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The 'Core Energy Experience' presents the never-before-heard life story of the Pioneer of Core Energy Experience himself, Kurt Bruckmann. This eye-opening unscripted conversation gives us an unprecedented glimpse into the life of our beloved Host, and allows us to understand both him, and the Core Energy teachings more deeply. 💥
Kurt Bruckmann is an iPEC certified Core Energy Dynamics Master holding all 4 disciplines: Performance, Leadership, Wellbeing and Transition. He's a Global Master Coach, Consultant, Motivational Speaker, Author, Founder of Continuum Core Coaching, and Host of this podcast.
Expect to Experience:
- Kurt's Battle With Depression After Losing His Father As A Teen
- Going To Prep School Against His Will & Rooming w/ Nat King Cole Jr.
- Why Breaking The Rules With Preppies Is More Fun
- Kurt's Experience at University Of Delaware & The Subversive Idea That Grades Are Academic Suicide
- His Awakening As A Writer, And How It Gave Him Purpose
- Why Kurt Saw Himself Becoming A Farmer
- A Deep Dive Into Behavioralism
- Why Kurt Doesn't Follow The Herd
- If People's Behavior Speaks For Them More Than They Think
And so much more...
Connect with us: https://linktr.ee/kdb11
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Thank you for your time, ENERGY & support. Much appreciated 🫶
Hosts: Kurt Bruckmann (@coreenergykurt) & Alex Fabio (@munkpunk_)
Social Media Editor & Podcast Distributor: Alex Fabio (@munkpunk_)
Recorded & Edited at Wreck'd Productions (@wreckdpro)
"From Impossible to I'm Possible"
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Hey, hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Core Energy Experience. I'm your host, Alex Fabio. I'm here with the usual host, Kurt Bruckman. How are you today, Kurt?
SPEAKER_00I'm great, Alex. How about you?
SPEAKER_01I'm doing great. In our last episode, we started this kind of unraveling of your life. We talked about your childhood, your big family, the passing of your grandfather and your father. We touched on some heavier topics like that, and how you got into a bunch of ways to remediate your stress and whatnot. Um, starting to paint the picture of who Kurt Bruckman is, um, which, as we've talked about, is just, I think, a really important thing for our listeners to get and for me to learn more about you. So let's continue down that that uh that path, if you don't mind, Kurt.
SPEAKER_00I appreciate it. And I appreciate the listeners willing to, you know, come on and and hear my side of the story. Uh, and hopefully it'll help everyone else and believe in themselves, and maybe they'll be willing to come on the pod or at least be more active.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Just express themselves right at the end of the day. It's so important.
SPEAKER_00That's it.
SPEAKER_01Um, so we we ended basically around the age of 13 or so when you were getting into your teen years. Um I know that um you did lose your father around 13 years old. It was very hard. Um, would you mind taking us kind of from that point through your high school years?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, surely. Uh so just a recap about dad um battling the alcoholism and then being uh, I don't know what you say, the doctors back then, they were they didn't quite understand what alcohol addiction was. So they were delivering the hard drugs. And we spoke about that, about the delauded, you know, the the two-on-all, the second all, the Darvon, and the seizures dad would go through uh if he were to mix a little bit of the alcohol into the drugs, which he didn't want to do. And he and I were very close. He and I would go for walks, and we did a lot of a lot of talking through this process of his trying to recover. Um, he was very bent hell bent on, you know, kicking the alcohol, but didn't understand the drugs. And as we spoke about, he would uh he would leave the institutions that we he would agree to go into because they would start, you know, giving him the pills.
SPEAKER_01Right. He was in a sense running from that kind of drugging that was happening to him.
SPEAKER_00He was. So he would uh the first time he was um in our clinic was a carrier clinic here on the second floor and was there for a couple of days and saw the drugs, didn't want him, and just climbed out the window to get out of there and came home. And that happened twice at carrier and also at Marlborough Clinic. But the directive became after the first time he came out of the window to uh to escape uh was to keep him on the first floor. He's a flight risk. So uh Marlborough uh didn't honor that the first time. They put him on the second, and again, he climbed out the the window um unharmed and made his way home. And uh so uh it was he agreed to go somewhere where he wouldn't be able to get home so quickly, and that was up in Rye, New York. So uh same thing happened up there, but the directive was to be on the first floor. He is a flight risk. So they uh they abided by that. And sure enough, a couple of days after being up there, he left and walked out. So the state police and the uh local police look for him. Mom and I were informed, so she and I went up there and looking for him when they found him and brought him home. So uh he's still bat on it and he's talking to me about it. And, you know, he's like, uh, I just don't know why they're giving me the drugs. I don't want the drugs. I you know, I want to get rid of the alcohol. And now I feel like I'm on too many drugs. So we'd have long talks, but he never talked of suicide. Um, he was a very holistic man, a fighter, always, uh uh always concerned about health and wellness. Uh so his last night of uh life here, he sees at home. Um, and as I mentioned before, the uh I'd have to go in there with my mother and uh evacuate the vomit and uh pull his tongue out of his throat because he'd be choking to death, and or he'd bang his head in the porcelain and be out and again, you know, uh be be in dire straits of close to death. So with that being said, he uh the ambulance would come, take care of him, and they'd bring him out on a gurney, and they'd make me go to my bedroom. They didn't want me to see him coming out of gurney. So young to be experiencing that. It was. Uh, but anyway, so I would I would watch, and the last time really hurt and uh hurt me uh watching him being brought out like that. So uh they took him to Riverview Hospital and they did not pay attention to the directive. They put him on the sixth floor, and he was supposed to be on the first of the floor. Directed to be on the first flight risk. So we don't know exactly what the mix-up was. All we knew is that he went out the window and died. And I have the death certificate. It's uh very cruel and very ugly. Um so uh there was a massive lawsuit going on nationally anyway about how addiction was being handled to the alcoholics with these drugs because they saw the mixture was deadly, henceforth, you know, dad.
SPEAKER_01Right. Uh in a sense, he was trying to save his own life by leaving these institutions.
SPEAKER_00He was.
SPEAKER_01He felt like he was being mistreated.
SPEAKER_00And he was, and they all were being. So there was, as I mentioned, the nation was starting to be um really the reanalyze what it meant to be an alcoholic and how you treat that. So they didn't know, and this is why they would overdose them with drugs. Uh so I just wanted to get that out there because uh it was deemed a suicide uh because my uncle, uh his only sibling at that point, and my mom um knew we had a major lawsuit on our hands, and they decided in unison that it would be best for us not to get involved in that and to let us move forward. And my uncle really pushed that. Uh he and his wife, my aunt, uh Margaret was her name. Polly was her nickname, uh, beautiful woman. Um, they all decided collectively, listen, we'll help where we can, but you need to get going, all of you. Uh, my mom was only 42. She remarried. So that became the dysfunction of uh the our family unit, pretty much, because number one and number two's son were off away, one uh uh coming out of college, one in college, and uh never really engaged in it, never really saw, did not see what I had seen really, except for my one brother saw a piece of it. Um but the point being is I just wanted to clear that up that uh it was not a suicide, that it was just dad trying to, like you said, help save himself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So the community um we had to accept the fact that it was a suicide because had we gone into the uh lawsuit with Riverside, a Riverview, I should say, River uh Riverview Hospital, they were already financially in trouble. They weren't a very thriving hospital. Uh, and uh things like that could have brought them down. So that was part of the discussion, too.
SPEAKER_01So there was a bigger picture aspect to it. And also I know that your your aunt and your uncle were trying to get you guys to move forward with your life rather than be stuck in the mud of a lawsuit that could take a decade, you know.
SPEAKER_00And be talked about all the time. It was just it almost became uh a sacrifice um yeah for us.
SPEAKER_01That's so hard to let it happen. Yeah, because it's almost like another loss at that point. It's like you you lose you lose your father who's such a huge figure in your life, and then you also I mean, there's no one to you can't fight back against who essentially, in a way, took your father from you. And that's yeah, that's so hard, Kurt. I'm sorry to hear that. And um, I mean, it sounds like um obviously you went through a ton of heartbreak during this time. Somehow you continue to lead yourself in the right direction to get out of the hole after years. I'm sure it took a very long time, and I'm sure you still have this with you to this day. I do. Um, are there any kind of like defining moments that helped you continue to trust your process in a time when it was very difficult to do so?
SPEAKER_00Yes, you know, my mom, um, as I mentioned in the previous uh episode, uh lost both her parents by the time she was 19.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So she um was a driving force along with the push of my uncle and and my aunt at points. But mom was really it, and it was keep going. Um keep working into your life. Uh you will find peace. Because I was in shock. Of course. There's no two ways about it. Those first two years, or definitely a year, year and a half, I was in shock. So she just kept me in motion, and that was for me, became sports and nature. I started my aunt and uncle had a farm up in uh Oldwick, New Jersey. Um, and it's up by Tooksbury and Cooksbury in that area. So I started working on the farm up there, uh, back into nature. It was a gentleman's farm, horses, sheep, uh, lots of gardens, orchards, you know, beautiful things. Uh and um I would have a friend who was able to drive because I was only 13 and 14 at the time when I first started up there. So we would go up and uh, you know, do our chores and drive back down. Uh, and then when they were away, we'd take care of the house and the property along with the foreman. So it was nature always calling me. And uh that became my my safekeep. And as I mentioned last time, music as well. So uh mom is really the driver of uh just we're gonna keep moving on. She's um a woman of faith. Um we she, when we first moved here, joined Tower Hill Presbyterian Church in Redbank, which I am now a member of as well. Um and uh so she uh she had a lot of faith in her, and so did dad. Um and mom really executed it after his death and believed that that the universe or God or Jesus Christ, whoever you wanted to believe in it, there was no pressure there. It was just be of faith, believe that things will work out, and they will in some way, and there will be trauma and and tragedies along the way. So the idea was I I didn't go to school for a good few weeks. I refused, would not go to school after it. And I'm in seventh grade at this time. So uh I was over went from a day school private school after sixth grade into public school system, which I thought was great.
SPEAKER_01It's a big transition. What was that like?
SPEAKER_00Oh, I I thought it was in the beginning a little rough because it was uh sort of like this um oh, this sort of, you know, boy from the country day school, we're public and we rule you boys don't, you know, what are you doing here? Uh but I had friends, I had people come up to me that were very kind and just introduced themselves. And I I still have those friends to this day from seventh grade, a lot, a lot of them. I even have friends from from third grade um who uh had witnessed some of the things that were starting to go on with dad's illness. So I'm very thankful for that. Uh other than uh because my the two older brothers had been preppies, uh I was uh they were looking at me to get out of town. They mom and uh my uncle um thought it best that I should get out of town. And that meant prep school. I didn't want to go. No way. I did not want to go be a preppy. Um I had, you know, I'd already had friends in town anyway that were from the public system.
SPEAKER_01Not to mention you were also working on a farm primarily, so it's like kind of a drastic shift, right?
SPEAKER_00I actually saw my future as being a farmer.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, and being a caretaker of farms. And uh uh that's really what was you know my therapy there as well, because I was working with my hands, I was busy, they kept me busy, kept my mind busy. My aunt and uncle were uh big dog lovers, conservat they were into conservancies. And um anyway, my aunt and uncle had uh Sheltie dogs, and at one time they had four generations.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00So that's amazing.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it's such a holistic experience to be working on a farm because you get that mind, body, soul, connection to the earth, everything combined in one. You do it's physical labor and like you just really feel it, you know.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, you're manning the machinery and those big red tra uh tractors, and you know, it it's a buzz. It really is a buzz. And it and you're exhausted by the end of the day.
SPEAKER_01So then were you going from that to like dressing in like uh did you have uniforms at the prep school, stuff like that? No, no uniforms.
SPEAKER_00Okay, no, no, it wasn't that wasn't like that. Uh much more casual and laid back. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01But you did you felt like you didn't really jive with that, the private school?
SPEAKER_00Um well, I had seen what how my brothers, the older two, came out of there. Oh, I see. How they were acting. And, you know, they're not the they're not healthy uh to this day. The oldest one's been an alcoholic since um since his days at prep school. Um and lost went to went into business and uh, you know, was a heavy drinker and uh went to banking and lost his jobs there, couldn't get back into the banking world. Very narcissistic, you know, very much of a bully. I mean, bullied me after dad died uh physically at times. And uh anyway, um I tried to help him out after he couldn't get a the banking world would not accept him anymore. So I I actually hired him to work for me. Oh, wow. Two different times.
SPEAKER_01Wow. Well, let's let's not jump too far because I'd love to kind of keep this chronological if we can. So um, in a lot of ways, the the death of your father actually feels like it broke apart your family more than it brought it back together.
SPEAKER_00Uh 100%. Yeah, it was every man for himself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh luckily my tw my twin sisters had them them themselves, so that was good. Right. Uh the other two just branched off and they did their thing. So anyway, they I was forced to go to Kent Prep School. Um and again, didn't want to go. It was freshman year. I was 15, just turned 15, still traumatized by dad's demise and uh still uh grieving. And I wanted to stay with my with my homies. You know, they were helping me. Um, but uh because I was defiant and I was uh um at times not a great actor, you know, I uh would uh take my own stance, which a lot of times was not the right stance. So to speak, I was never harmful to anyone, but I would just do the opposite and say no.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, of course, especially after everything you went through. I'm sure you became a total rebel.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. Yeah. And became even more so.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I uh I was school Kent had started, and I kept refusing to go. Uh so it took me two days to get up there. So I missed the first day of school and timed it to get up there with my mom the second day uh and timed around dinner time. So no one would be around. So mom came in, helped me set up in a in the dorm, yeah, bunk beds, and then she had to rush back. It was a three-hour plus drive back down here to be for my sisters and all. So she was really a phenomenal woman, my mom, I have to say. Anyway, so I'm looking around after she leaves her room, and I'm, you know, I see these uh these shoes in the corner. There's a bunch of them, and they're black, and some of them look like tapping shoes. I'm like, what's that? And I look over further and I see this big reel to reel. I'm like, who is this cat? And and then look over and I see these headphones, these headphones sets. And I said, Well, obviously this guy's got to be into something, music, or I don't know what. So I'm on the top bunk and I'm reading the rules and regulations, and like, yeah, I'm gonna abide by that, forget that, throw that away. You know, that wasn't gonna happen. Um, anyway, so in walks my roommate, Nat King Cole Jr.
SPEAKER_01No way.
SPEAKER_00So here I come from a community that, you know, I've never lived away from home. And there were racial issues in this county at that time in in the country. Um what year was this? This was in uh in the early 70s, 72s in early 70s. Yeah. Um, so uh it was in the beginning, it was like, whoa, look at this. And then he told me who he was. And I said, I my mom and dad listened to his father sing a lot. Yeah, you know, beautiful, beautiful voice, he was a singer. So he and I became very close, and it was through music again. Music came back into my life as it was early on, as I explained. I tried the guitar for a little bit, and right, but music was my my go-to as uh also with nature.
SPEAKER_01Dude, that's crazy. Yeah, what are the odds that you two ended up together?
SPEAKER_00Well, the school did it on purpose because his father had died about five or seven years before. Oh, wow. And I just lost mine two years before. Wow. So it was a setup by the school. Wow. And uh they did good there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because he didn't want to be there either. So he would we would get an hour at night to uh the the school dorms to play music certain level and then uh volume that is, and then you know, uh lights out eventually. So uh uh Nate would uh Nat would uh in the middle of the night get up and play his father's music, put the headphones on and dance up a storm.
SPEAKER_01Really?
SPEAKER_00And I would just sit and watch for an hour or two or until everyone went back to sleep.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00Phenomenal dancer, very talented man in that respect.
SPEAKER_01Beautiful and heartbreaking, like thinking about him carrying his father's legacy through that way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I uh I uh again didn't want to be there. So uh one time I left, the first time I left unannounced to the school. In other words, illegally, I guess. Uh hooked a ride with uh uh uh some people that were coming in down to this area.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And and uh total white lie that, you know, I was released by the school, I just needed a ride home. Could you give me a ride?
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_00And the mother was kind enough to say, sure, Kurt, you know, we'll give you a ride home.
SPEAKER_01They were like parents of a student or something like that. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And so I came home and the school uh I had people jumping into my bed, uh, covering me for you know different things. Uh, we had a system. That's nice. Prep school preppies have systems. I mean, if you want to really learn about, you know, trickery and uh getting around the rules and regs, you go to prep school.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome. It reminds me of uh Ferris Bueller's Day off where they have like it.
SPEAKER_00So much like it. So that was my first time that I escaped and uh got back uh uh sort of uh uh uh unannounced and uh got away with it.
SPEAKER_01And then did you go back or did you stay?
SPEAKER_00I stayed uh for another month or two. This was the first time was in like October. And I stayed for another month or so and then I hit decided to hitchhike home one day.
SPEAKER_01So you so you went back to school and then you hitchhiked again?
SPEAKER_00I yeah, this time I uh didn't get a ride, I hitchhiked.
SPEAKER_01I see.
SPEAKER_00And it's about you know it's a three hour or three and a half hour drive. So at 15 years old, hitchhiking from can't you know Connecticut down through it all was that's how much I wanted to get out of there. That's crazy. Yeah. And uh so the school found out um this time. And uh uh they uh, of course, when I came back, the principal was all over me. He uh came into the room at like 2 a.m. Um and uh he was one of the more prolific uh row masters, crew in the country. Yeah, uh Perry was his last name. So my he envisioned me being a uh of crew because I was tall and whatnot, and I had no, no way I was gonna get sit in a boat and row. Yeah, it wasn't gonna have a hockey player, football. Give me the action. No way. So my punishment was that night I was put into a tank of water and uh with a with a rower, uh an oar, and I had to row for three hours straight.
SPEAKER_01That's old school punishment, yeah. Physical punishment.
SPEAKER_00So it didn't work. It worked opposite, like I was saying earlier. If that happened to me, I that that did it. That made me want to leave even more.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_00So I left one more time, hitchhiking, and I didn't make it back home. Uh, so I went to a different prep school to visit some friends. Wow. And uh somehow Kent found out. I guess they called around other prep schools, found out, and came and got me. And again was, you know, punished uh by uh um there was some detention action there and things like that. But so uh it just wasn't meant to be. And I was learning things. Things like look, if you don't want to go to school, go to nurse nurses of the infirmary and tell them you don't feel well and you know have them give you a thermometer and put it in your mouth and when they're not looking, put it on top of a light bulb. So you know, run up to 102. Oh, you can't go anywhere. So we would do it in unison with a bunch of guys, and then we spend, you know, two nights in there or whatnot and party through the night.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome. Like you said, the preppies have a system.
SPEAKER_00They do. That's so funny. Let me tell you. And we do uh one other funny thing that I'll keep moving on. Please. Um, one of my friends was a senior, so he was always orchestrating these pranks. So we had to go to chapel on Wednesday night and Saturday morning, uh Wednesday night and was it uh Sundays. So um, you know, we didn't want to go. Uh so my friend, I'll leave his name out of it, uh, senior, had had the school system down pat. He was, he got around every rule possible. They they they were making rules so he wouldn't do things and he got around them. So they had a farm, Ken had a farm, and we would get all our milk and dairy products from the farm.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00So he had the idea of going down and pulling up about, I don't think they had like six or seven cows. And to keep them from moving, his idea was giving them bananas. So they'd be chewing on the banana so they wouldn't move or make noise. It was in the middle of the night. So we got them into the chapel. And then we all went running to you know our dormitories, and all of a sudden we hear this yellow that the siren goes off around five, six o'clock in the morning, whatever it was, they would have sirens for certain issues, and that was one of them. Well, uh, they gathered, gathered a school with girls. Well, there's a girls' school, uh sister school that was four miles up a mountain. They had to come down too. Um, because the cows were had gone into the we had put them in the chapel, and they had pretty much dismantled it. So there was no church.
SPEAKER_01He he shepherded the cows into the chapel. We all did the bananas?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, there's about a half a dozen of us or so.
SPEAKER_01That's insane.
SPEAKER_00Up a hill and all it was a good two-hour routine. Wow. You know, smack them in the butt, get them going, and put them in there, and oh, it was a mess. There was, you know, cow manure inside. It was just, you know, that's what prep schools are. You can't get away with that in public schools. Wow. So anyway, uh, I finally left there in mid-February of my freshman year and never went back. In the meantime, Nat uh was going through his issues. He didn't want to stay. And every time I was uh, you know, planning to uh escape, he would help. Um he he didn't have it in him to you know do all that. And where was he gonna go? You know, I had my plan. So he would assist me in all of it. And um he would always say, you know, Kurt, if you leave for good, I'm gonna leave for good too. So after I left in February, he left in uh March, April of that year.
SPEAKER_01You guys were tight.
SPEAKER_00He didn't finish, he didn't finish his freshman year there either. Wow.
SPEAKER_01So So after after a freshman year there, well, half a freshman year there, you went back to public school?
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I wanted to go to high school, be with all my homies. Yeah. And uh so I didn't go to school for a few weeks. Yeah, yeah. You know, fought that off, but eventually went. Um, and it was hockey season, so that got me in there a little bit. I love it. Uh so I spent, yeah, I spent two and a half years at the local Rumson Fairhaven. Uh accumulated many friends, uh, again, that are true, true to this day, and again, were helping me through my recovery. My believe it or not, my trauma ended pretty quickly. And that was because of mom and Don, my uncle Don's directive to keep moving, and he kept me working on the farm. Uh, I was always in motion, very little time alone, you know, to keep moving.
SPEAKER_01Would you say that like your antidote to uh like mourning the loss of your father was action?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yep. I think like every I'm still we preach you and I preach that today, you know, stay in action.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh keep moving, because we talk about this. What's time? What's time do? It moves. It moves, continues, goes forward.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that's where I started embracing the fact. And mom had taught me that a bit because she had to learn that as a young, young girl, having lost both her parents at such a young age. Of course. So that was their mantra. Right. Keep gotta keep moving on. She had three older sisters, and thank goodness, you know, they watched that they all watched after one another, fabulous women. And uh so that's where it came from. And uh so comes my senior year at Ramson Fairhaven. Um, I was turning 18. Now New Jersey lowered the drinking age to 18. And uh therefore I became a legal guardian of myself. So I could sign myself in and out of school.
SPEAKER_01Uh-oh.
SPEAKER_00I heard that I was in heaven.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm never gonna, you know, I hardly studied as it was. Right. And, you know, I was just just passing to get by, just you know, to graduate. That's all I wanted to do. For sure. Get out of there and start my life's, you know, out of college.
SPEAKER_01Move on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I had hockey in my vision, you know. So I went to a uh after my senior year. So my senior year, I I was recruited by some prep schools for hockey and football. And uh uh Berkshire became my calling. Why? Because it was co-ed. Dorm of uh male of boys right next to the dorm of girls, right? Right next to it was that way, it was staggered. So it was a total difference than what it was at Kent. Of course, I was older, more experienced, had girlfriends already in my time. But when I got up there, I met another prankster. His father was a NASCAR racer. Uh Ramsey is his last name. He's very famous. So, you know, we after my first couple weeks there, we decided to uh get a bottle of Jack Daniels and go to the soccer pitch and with golf clubs and take pot shots at the headmaster's house.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00Uh, because he was starting to take down cabins that the that the students had built. And they actually they're beautiful cabins. They had everything but the the the kitchen sink in them. I mean, they were just up into the side of the mountain. They were gorgeous. And we'd all meet up there in the middle of the night, you know, and and have fun. Again, you hear how the preppies were. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's it's so crazy. It's such a different world. I feel like it's this is a whole nother conversation, but such a different America. You know what I mean? Like it sounds like a movie from back in that time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it is. Much more loosey-goosey than it is now, for sure. Yeah. Um, so I took to Berkshire and um uh enjoyed, you know, playing the sports and uh found some nice girlfriends that uh still friendly with today. Um, leave those names out as well. And um, so they became sort of a family for me too. Again, to your point, uh, after dad's death, you know, it was everyone running for the hills pretty much.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Except for I wanted to be with mom and my sisters. Right. Uh the olders were gone and over. Uh so um I did finish up there uh barely and got into a uh small uh school known for soccer, Franklin Pierce up in New Hampshire, and also ice hockey.
SPEAKER_01Nice, perfect for you.
SPEAKER_00Yep. So um I wanted to try and take a shortcut and see maybe I could, you know, make my dream come true of being a uh a hockey player of substance. Well, when I got up there and I started playing against these boys from uh up New York State, uh some out of Canada, uh farm boys who were football players on ice fast. Woo! Did I get a wake of calling, uh seeing how it was, you know, the real world of hockey was because here I am down in New Jersey.
SPEAKER_01Different level, huh?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, totally. So anyway, uh that was uh I realized halfway through uh my freshman year up there that I needed to finally open a book, which I had never done before. I just crammed, you know, when I was in high school, it was uh what we're having a test today or tomorrow? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So then, you know, three hours before the test, I'd I'd go to the library and I study and I'd be it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I just didn't open the books. And mom allowed me to get away with it. You know, I wasn't failing out, but uh, could have done much better. But uh because I was busy with sports and that she knew that was helping with me with my trauma.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Uh and of course I was I you know I wasn't listening to many people anyway about doing, you know, trying to apply myself academically until I realized that it was time. So I uh studied hard and was able to get myself into uh University of Delaware. Uh that did not have a hockey program at the time. They were just starting one. That was my aim, was to, you know, stay away from hockey and start to really learn.
SPEAKER_01So you fully pivoted at that point.
SPEAKER_00I did. And this is where I started really finding Kurt. All the lessons that I've been taught by my uh mentors. Um we mentioned them, my father and my grandfather. My uncle became a big, big mentor at this point. He took over dad's job and my grandfather's job in raising me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and your mother too, obviously.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I I could spend the whole podcast. She's just done phenomenal things and was beloved by the community immensely. Um, so I was very fortunate with that. Um, so when I uh got to the University of Delaware, I uh I couldn't live on campus because I was a transfer. They didn't have room for me. So I had to live off campus and find a roommate. And um I did that and I just delved into, I just partied for a while, but then I I I just something came upon me that I wanted to get into deep thinking philosophy about behavior. Behavioralism was all about what I was learning and being taught. So I studied uh uh big big thinkers and writers like Thomas Mann, uh Dostoevsky, Solzhenichin, uh Kafka, all these big, big thinkers. So to stay away from all the mayhem, I would uh I would uh party a little bit until about 9, 10 p.m. and then take a break, and then I go into the library and spend the night in the library and read.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome. You're like a night owl.
SPEAKER_00Yep. I became a night owl and to stay away from because I knew myself.
SPEAKER_01It's a really creative time too. Like I know just like from making art and stuff like that, a lot of times like once the day's over and people are just kind of all in there, yeah, in their things, whether it's partying or sleeping or whatever, you kind of have this like isolation, which can be really nice if you have something to pour it into like that.
SPEAKER_00It was, and I started writing too. And this is where everything that I've become today really started formulating all the informative years where we talked about in the uh the previous episode um came into fruition.
SPEAKER_01What was the first thing that you wrote?
SPEAKER_00Uh I wrote um I wrote about how uh society was so decadent. And uh how I saw it at a young age, and therefore it was really about my experiences at the prep school. You know. Um even at Berkshire, you know, we did a lot of prank pranking there too, you know. But we it was a different culture, but it was still it was still that type of uh culture that you know I needed to break away from. So I got into the to these the the deep thinkers and I became one myself and started studying behavioralism um uh by thorndike and Watson and then B. F. Skinner, and people like that. So I started seeing all the collaborations of how these philosophers thought and the similarities of it and how behavior is right in front of us, and to become an observer of it. And as you know, our influences and our uh disciplines and the core energy dynamics has a lot of that in there.
SPEAKER_01Do you think that people's behavior tells a lot more about them than they think?
SPEAKER_00Oh, absolutely. Yeah. You know, it's uh the the the thing I learned the most during all that those years before I went to University of Delaware, uh, including, you know, the trauma I experienced and uh being uh the uh anti-everything, uh uh, but social. I was very social. And uh and really that helped me a lot too. But yeah, it was a culmination there. And uh so I started writing about debauchery, and uh all of a sudden I went from being uh C minus to an A student. Wow, you know, um I studied uh my uh primary English and literature and then a minor in economics, but uh the English and the literature was really something I got into. And I had a couple of uh my writings uh put into the school paper.
SPEAKER_01Cool.
SPEAKER_00That did it to me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That really showed that I am somebody because the inner critic was so I was filled with it, you know, up into you know, uh through high school. Of course, of course, all those years. I was spinning and this person telling me to work this way, that person telling me it worked this way.
SPEAKER_01And especially like ha after like losing hockey, so to speak. Like you thought that was where your life was gonna go, and then you pivoted to another direction. So, like to find something else to cling on to and say, yes, that's my identity. Yeah, you know, that's huge.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, absolutely. And uh so I stayed at the University of Delaware and um I took my time a bit because uh after dad died uh a couple years later, we had to go into bankruptcy. So student loans were there and all that. And um, so uh my uncle uh was kind enough to allow me to uh take off a spring semester. Um, uh took off two different spring semesters and go work at the farm so I could uh you know uh gain some money uh and uh help myself through it. So he was teaching me that all the way through, even though he had my back, he was watching out for me uh that I was gonna do it on my own. Yeah, you know. That's huge. Yeah. So um upon being down in Delaware, uh one year my uncle who became friendly with Jackie Onassis, uh uh JFK's uh you know uh wife, yeah, who we remarried, she had been living up in uh um up by Oldwick in the Tewkesbury area and rode horses. And so did my uncle. So they became quite friendly. And um uh Don had mentioned that they had he and my aunt had traveled a lot because they didn't they were unable to have children, unfortunately. Uh they would have been great parents. And they, you know, as I mentioned, wanted to adopt me, but I I wasn't gonna leave my my mom, you know, and uh in the area. It was just gonna be too much for me, I thought. And I love them for having to try to adopt me, but I had to say no. That was my freshman year in uh in uh high school. But anyway, right. So we're in we're at Delaware, and um uh Don puts together uh Jackie had offered uh one of the sailboats that the Kennedys that um JFK had amassed in certain areas around the world. Wow. And one of them was in Greece.
SPEAKER_01My people. Your people is right.
SPEAKER_00So it was scheduled to be uh the people going were my grandmother, who was still with us at that time, um uh but aging. So uh my uncle wanted his mom to go. Uh the the two older brothers and my aunt and uh one of her cousins. So I was not included in it. Um, and this is when I was actually my uh my senior year at Berkshire, uh, when I was turning 18. My grandmother in that August before they were gonna go in September um fell and broke her hip. So sh she was out. Oof. So I got tapped. No way for the wrong reasons, but you know, I got tapped to go. Very fortunate. I um, you know, we sailed through the Black Sea, Aegean, the Mediterranean, went to places like Ephesus. Wow, you know, all these religious spots, uh, learned so much. And I think that's really what propelled me, really turned me uh to really start studying those deep thinkers in in college.
SPEAKER_01So you got into those thinkers when you got back, more or less?
SPEAKER_00Uh not until I was until I got into college because you know I was.
SPEAKER_01You were like 18 at this point?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was uh you know, I was at Berkshire.
SPEAKER_01So it was a seed that was planted in you, and then when you got to college, finally you could explore that.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Berkshire, I was still sort of doing my thing, not so not so rebellious anymore.
SPEAKER_01Well, it takes time for things to settle within you. Yeah. You know what I mean? To like actually let them express themselves.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and my Berkshire friends were very kind too, male and female. And when they had heard the story, you know, um, you know, we're getting around quickly. So uh they understood, and you know, there was no shame on me. Uh it was more, you know, what can we do to help and talk me through it.
SPEAKER_01So anyway, uh before we move on from that, I I have a different kind of question and then we can pivot back to the to the timeline. Do you think that like philosophy? I almost feel like philosophy and like quote unquote like self-help are like related in a sense, right? Because they're both kind of like looking for structure and answers to life itself and how to operate and stuff like that. Do you think that like what do you think it is that draws people to philosophy and those big thinkers that you got into at that time?
SPEAKER_00I think it takes um, you know, I think it takes uh some sort of something that has moved one, maybe trauma, uh something that's been very much a disruptor in their lives, that they're searching for the answers, what may they be, and they're not finding them in the places they're looking, perhaps they're looking in the wrong places. But you and I talk about being aware and then being acceptance.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that became part of you know of me, and that was the awareness of of what was going on and to to accept. Um so just to go back to the timeline when we were over in Greece and Turkey, uh beautiful, beautiful Black Sea. That water is just absolutely gorgeous, as you know. Uh deep blue, you can see for 30, 40 feet, you know, and we were on the sailboat, it was fabulous stuff. Um I had my uh 18th birthday over there. So my uncle was kind enough to let me skip a first week of school at prep school um because he thought this was much more of an education. Certainly. And it certainly was. Of course. He he he had me, he knew me, you know, he really did, and I didn't know that. But he did it in his own quiet way and uh permitted me to to you know miss that first week. So it was uh really um a a real pivotal time for me, which propelled me to that point in college to really dig in and learn. And I started to find out more and more about myself because I had that downtime in the library. You know, I wasn't out every night partying. Oh, I did plenty of it, that's for sure. But when time came, you know, to uh to study, I I took it fully. So you ultimately enjoyed studying. I I did enjoy reading and writing tremendously. It's awesome. It's a great gift. It wasn't much, you know, I had an uh economics minor, so I wasn't much into the you know, learning Keynesian and and Maynard theories and things like that, you know, all good and dandy, but you know, I my mind's not necessarily geared towards engineering, it's geared more towards the artistic side of life, uh the more uh uh area where you know to grind geometry and algebra, you know, and all that. It just wasn't for me. Uh but uh it just I kept moving forward with it and uh it brought me to a point of my life where I finally gave in to everything that had happened. Wow. And uh I found freedom.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00Uh when I was at the University of Delaware.
SPEAKER_01So let's dig into that a little bit more. You when you say you gave in, what do you mean by that?
SPEAKER_00Well, I was fighting, you know, everything that happened to me and fighting what anyone told me, professors included. You know, I said, ah, you know, I'll never forget I raised my hand one time and I and there was no no qu the professor was not asking a question. I was raising my hand. Yes, Kurt, what is it? I think that grades are academic suicide. Because, you know, if you don't spit back what the professor is telling you, then you get scored upon how that might be. And so I came out with that vernacular and it sort of stuck. And students in at university were sort of saying, Yeah, it's just academic suicide, you know, you know, we're being judged, we're being graded on stuff that we you know really not applicable to our lives, but we have to do it to grind through to get that degree, yeah, you know, all sort of a setup type of routine in my mind. So, but you know, I I gave way to it. I had my own uh uh way of working around it again. It was the writings, and uh and finding my myself really enjoying it, and then I started speaking it to my friends, and they'd be like, Um, what drug are you on right now?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, yeah.
SPEAKER_00We don't know that drug yet, Kurt. You find a new one, you know. Um so uh there was became I became Joyful again. Not that I wasn't joyful, you know, back in uh high school years, but I did feel the heavy. I obviously battled depression right after dad died and the trauma, but I didn't realize what depression, depression, and trauma was because mom just and my uncle just kept me moving, kept me going. Work with your hands and you know, nature, and and nature is your guide. We talked about that in the previous episode. And it was they were right. They were true. And they said, you know, be kind to others. When you meet people, you treat them with kindness and respect first. If it doesn't come back similarly, then you move along and move away from it somehow. But always be true to yourself. Um, you know, don't be a bully. I seen that with my two older uh siblings, the boys, extremely narcissistic and very much in that area of bulliness. Um so I understood that I did not want to be like them by any means. And I was different. Um, everyone with my four siblings, their first uh names start with a B. My last name starts with a B. Well, my name starts with a K, Kurt. So I was odd man out. And odd men, you know, not out, but you know, different. And I'm also a lefty. They were all righties.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00My grandmother happened to be a lefty. So, you know, I sort of was in that mode. And we talked about this before about being a middle child and what that means. You really do become, you know, the the uh the black sheep, so to speak. Well, yeah, you're different, or you can it's like being an only child, you know.
SPEAKER_01Right. See, I it seems like you've gotten a lot of like signs about like walking your own path. Yes, you know, throughout your life. Yeah. Continuously. It's like every time you try to turn towards something, boom, something turns you back to go down your own path. Yeah. That's really interesting.
SPEAKER_00That's where I started learning uh resilience and uh to uh you know be prepared but not project and to stay away from the past.
SPEAKER_01How do you separate preparedness and projecting?
SPEAKER_00Exactly. So preparedness would be to um understand that there's there's a future. Uh, what does that look like? Well, we suggest it looks um uh it looks like the storm is coming. Let's say we'll just use that as a metaphor. When actuality, the storm might not come all the way.
SPEAKER_01The forecast is wrong all the time. You bet.
SPEAKER_00So it's sort of planning that for what might happen, but not to not to put it in a precise means where that's what you're prepping for only, because there's going to be sidebars, and we know most of the time when we project like that, it doesn't happen that way. And that's just draining energy. So I started learning more and more about energy as well when I was in in school. And then when I had that trip over to Greece, um uh that again was uh the the form that tripped me into what energy meant, seeing all those religious sites and the beautiful country that you know you have heritage, and we were in Turkey as well. And um so it was it was sort of the whole thing, you know, that's why you hear me go back and circle around, because it all was coming together. That that hurricane that I had been a part of and helped create. I would admit that, you know, I didn't have to be so uh anti, I suppose. Um, but I was that was my survival mechanism. And dad had taught me, and uh my grandfather as well, and mom to, you know, be your own person because of my older siblings, and I was so very different from them. And they saw that. And I started seeing it as I grew older and older and gave me and empowered me to say, okay, I'm not attached to, you know, that family there, that type of family. My younger sister's different. But so it uh gave me that sense of freedom again, you know, as I'm discussing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So it sounds like there's two very distinct moments at this point in your life, up to when you were finishing college around that time, where you were whole 100% curt fully. You knew yourself, you knew what you were doing, why you were doing it, and you were happy to express it. And that's before your dad died, maybe even before your grandfather died, right? And then when you were finishing up college around that age, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01How would you compare like childhood Kurt, like the outcomes of childhood Kurt and adult Kurt now jumping into the world? Wow. Were they were they the same, or were they like did you come full circle or were they different?
SPEAKER_00They were similar. They were yes and yes. They were very similar. Um, I had my core had not changed. You know, we speak about core all the time. We speak to the audience about it. You know, we're born with our own spirituality, our own core, and however that works. So as time moved on, I started realizing what that meant. And that's what gave me the freedom to come out and to take risk, take calculated uh chances. And uh so that's when I started writing it in college. That was a big step out for me. Uh, and then of course, when I got uh got printed, that was really affirmation that, okay, I think I'm good. I'm not that, you know, I'm not that confused, uh traumatized, uh young, young boy trying to be a young man. I am now a young man. And uh it became very empowering. And my my my friends at college, University of Delaware noticed it. And um, I still have very, very close friends. I call them my brothers, and uh I do have close female friends. I call them my sisters, even though they're not blood. You know, we haven't we have that. I think all of us have that in some way or form. We have outsiders that are really our family. So time came to uh graduate uh to leave Delaware and uh get a job. So the community here in Monmouth County, uh certainly where you and I lived, was filled with a lot of uh stock people, equity stock jockeys, I call them. And again, I don't follow the herd. That was always against my thing. I did not want to be part of the herd. I've never had a cup of coffee in my life, you know, and many other things that are different.
SPEAKER_01That's still crazy to me. I love coffee.
SPEAKER_00It's tempting these days because it smells so good, but nah. I was just like, no, what else is there? They said tea? I said, ah, give me some of that. I'll try tea. I'm not a tea drinker, but you know, I will occasionally at night at dinners, out when we're out. Yeah. Maybe if people want to sit around and have coffee, maybe I'll uh have a little tea.
SPEAKER_01But so you always look at the other options. If everyone's doing one thing, you're like, what's over there?
SPEAKER_00You bet. Always look around. It's like even when I'm at concerts uh or even local bands and everyone's looking one way. What do I do? I turn around and look at everyone and I smile and I wave. And what happens? Okay, then you start seeing everyone smiling and looking, start to wave, and then I start to dance and everyone's, you know, so there's so much we can do by not being part of the herd. The herd is generally um, I don't know the exact stat, but it's somewhere around 80% wrong after time. And watch out for the turn. So, anyway, every a lot of my friends who are graduating college at that point were uh mostly going into the financial industry field. And um I uh had a hankering to do that. But I heard about commodities and I knew someone that I had a connection to the commodity pits and World Trade Center. So I decided uh uh before I left Delaware that I would take uh a month off. I had gotten a job on the commodity floor in the pits before you even graduated. Yeah. Wow. Before I graduated to made sure I had something. And uh it gave me a month off, and I myself and two other friends, we uh met out in California and drove the whole length of uh The United States. A1A on California. It goes right down Big Sur.
SPEAKER_01Uh I know Route One is like right along the Pacific.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and then it's Route One. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so we took a month off and did that and went wild and crazy and you know, saw so many beautiful things. It was a beautiful, beautiful state.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, yeah, the whole country is unbelievable.
SPEAKER_00Our country we're very, very special.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And uh so that's uh that's where that's w where we started the my career, and we'll get into that, I think, probably next time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think we're actually about time somehow. That went so fast, but um I guess we'll have to get into the career and the commodities in the next in the next edition.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I just want to, you know, uh give thanks to uh none of my, of course, my uh uh all my elders are gone now. I lost my aunt uh just a year and a half ago. My uncle died 27 years ago, right before my son was born. Um that was a tough time because my aunt wanted me to give the eulogy and I couldn't do it. Oh, wow. You know, I was just broken. Uh, you know, uh was ready to have my second child uh and it was uh Kurt came along and uh was uh very, very happy about all that. So um I give thanks to them because they did they did watch me. They were very much into nature. My uncle was uh chairman of the New York Botanical Gardens. Oh, wow. Yeah, for 10 years. Uh my aunt was into saving the the the sand piping plovers and the beach, and also into uh Animal Rescue uh Foundation in Long Island. She was head of it. So they were very, very uh active in in uh conservancies and whatnot. Wow.
SPEAKER_01That's beautiful. That's part of it. You're uh you and honestly, we all are in some way, shape, or form a culmination of everybody and our families who came before us, and yeah, that's a beautiful thing to honor them, and especially everything you guys went through together um through all your years growing up.
SPEAKER_00And of course, mom, and we'll we'll get to her a little bit. I want to solo her, you know, towards the end of our little run here about who Kirk Bruckman is. And okay. I thank you and the audience for allowing me to unwind it. Uh it's uh it's it's it's been helpful. Um going back into the memories, there's a lot of them, and I'm trying to break them down as simply as possible. But I've lived a lot a lot of life as you hear, and I've been very fortunate to still be here, you know, surviving uh two World Trade Center attacks, and we'll get into that. But um, you know, if you surround, if you have you're fortunate enough to have the right people around you, you can beat any trauma that's thrown at you. And I'm an example of that, and I would like to, you know, I've always helped people along, you know, always as part of who I am to help those that have, you know, gone through suffrage. Yeah. And and we all have in some sort of way or another. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And you still are. Yeah. You're still actively doing that. And we're doing that with this podcast. And yeah, I thank you, Kurt, for being willing to be so open. And it's helpful for myself and for others to hear this kind of story, you know, because um, like you said, we all go through things.
SPEAKER_00So well, I want to give thanks to you too, Alex, you know, having met up with you and we have formed such a uh uh gracious uh friendship, and you have been uh part of my uh re-enlightenment of you know extending myself out there to the world. Because I took pause for a little bit, but uh now I'm back out and uh I appreciate you for uh being along my side. Thanks.
SPEAKER_01Means a lot, Kurt.
SPEAKER_00You're awesome.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. You are too. All right. On that note, um, audience, I guess we're gonna sign off here then. Um make sure you tune in for the next episode because we're gonna keep this train rolling with uh commodity pits, uh, mother, so much. There's so much to dive into that we haven't yet. Um, but thank you for watching this far. And um, Kurt, any last words before we sign off?
SPEAKER_00Just thank you, audience, for coming on and watching the Cornegy Experience. Please keep doing it. We do different things every week. This just happens to be a little pause of putting myself out there so I can show that, hey, look, you know, I understand what it's like to be a guest, not so easy. Um, and uh, you all that have come on and been guests, we appreciate you for your honesty, your authenticity, your rawness, and bringing out the goodness in you that can help other people. And that's really a big part of what this podcast is about is to help us through our everyday stressors and anxieties and whatever else may be bothering us because we are all so similar in many ways, and we can help one another if we choose. So let's take conscious choice and help one another.
SPEAKER_01Excellent. I love it, Kurt. Thank you for that. And thank you, Direct Productions, for having us today in this beautiful studio and for the edits. We appreciate you guys and for everyone watching. Remember, your mind is your power. Stay empowered.