SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey guys, today we're going to be talking about how money is still the number one relationship killer. We're going to be talking about financial infidelity, how a lot of people actually are involved in financial infidelity, having secret bank accounts, spending money that the other spouse doesn't know about, even though we discussed that we weren't going to spend this kind of money. 45% of uh people in the survey said that it's just as bad as real infidelity. That's how big of a difference it makes, and how it's a lot of it is because it breaks trust. Stay tuned. Thanks for watching, and uh let's start the episode.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Okay, welcome back to another episode. Uh today we are still on the relationship fix. We'll talk about why money is still the number one relationship killer and maybe some steps to fix it and make it better. Uh, but before we begin, uh thank you guys for watching. If you guys have any questions, anything you guys would like us to cover, um, it would really help us. Please like and subscribe and share if you find it useful. Uh, so some statistics to start us off. 40% of Americans in committed relationships have committed financial infidelity. 23% have hidden debt from their partner. Uh, this is a juicy one, while 17% have a secret credit card, 15% a secret savings account, and 13% a secret checking account. Nearly half of Americans, 45%, in relationships say financial secrets are as bad as or worse than physical infidelity, with 38% saying it's equally bad and 7% saying it's even worse. We'll definitely cover that and uh expand on that. Lastly, 41% of individuals admit to covert or secret spending without partners, their partners' knowledge, and 57% say such behavior has led to relationship turmoil. Yeah, this is a juicy one. Peter, what do you think about these uh statistics?

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Yeah, I mean, the the statistics are there about marriage and divorce, right? You know, we all heard the the divorce rate. I think, you know, I've heard so many numbers, but 50%, right? That's kind of like across the board. I mean, that's a horrible number. It's a horrible divorce rate uh here in America. Yeah. And you know, I I think it's very clear that finances has such a huge contribution to divorce and to marriage issues. And so that's why we want to talk about it. If okay, so if we're talking so infidelity, obviously, like if someone cheats on a partner, that's going to create a very, very high chance. I don't know what the statistic is, 80 plus percent chance that probably going to break up after that, right? And so if 40, um the statistic says if if 45% of people believe that you know financial infidelity or betrayal is similar to actual infidelity, man, there's something here, and we got to really talk about this because this is actually a this is 100% going to affect relationships. And I think a lot of people don't see it as as serious as you would say infidelity, but it is a massive be um betrayal of trust. And so definitely, I think this is something that we should explore, and that's it's really important. I think finances are so important because it affects everything, man. Like having a kid, having a family, you don't like wouldn't you also say that money is really important? Yes, it's so important, like, dude, yes, it affects the school that they're going to go, the kind of education that they're going to get, it affects the kind of help that you can get with cleaners, with uh uh, you know, the uh putting them into daycare, like it just affects everything, man. That kind of house you live in, it's just such a huge thing. And um your anxiety, your mental health, right? It's like if you're one speeding ticket away from you know going into financial ruin, and imagine the emotional stress that you'll have. Of course, that'll lead to like marriage problems.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So yeah, I think it's really about trust. I know we say that again and again and again about many things. Um but I mean, there's so many things tied to money, right? There's the trust of knowing can I trust my partner on the little things to the big things? There's also security, like you said. Am I gonna be able to put food on the table? Can I put uh gas in my tank? You know, daycare, I mean, uh where are my kids gonna go? Uh I mean, there's so many things tied to it. Why do you I mean we have seen a lot of uh clients that we work with, friends, I'm sure, that have had good or bad relationships based on financial security or insecurity. What have you seen in people around you? Um do you think that financial insecurity is the biggest contributor to a bad relationship?

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I want to say, based off a lot of statistics, I would say yes. I mean, in the sense that infidelity is probably number one. So they say like one of the three biggest stressors in life is you know, it's uh well, one of them is death, right? One of them is divorce, and one of them is real estate, uh, funny enough. And so I I I 100% believe that it it's a huge component to uh uh relational problems, and so that's why you know people should really consider this as um it being very important, and it sounds like we're we're like a broken record talking about money all the time, but it's it's really not it's that important, I feel, and so we really should be you know talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Um okay, so let's kind of break this down. So, what does it really look like, right? What does uh the comp the most common forms of financial deception look like? Well, um overspending without a partner's knowledge. So it could look like people in relationships they spend more than maybe what's agreed upon or what the spouse is comfortable with, and that's the most common form. Uh this second one is something that I've dealt with a lot in my real estate career, in our real estate career is secret debt. You know, we have this thing called a title contingency, a financing contingency. And sometimes a week before closing, we find out that there is a hidden child support payment. Imagine finding that out.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

And that's like, what in the world? Because they they run your credit, and you remember this. That's for a real when you buy a home, they run your credit, it's gonna expose everything.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

I mean, imagine if my spouse had a secret, you know. I mean, it's just crazy, right? Um, I've dealt with uh hidden tax liens, you know. I mean, these are just things like imagine you're in the middle of the most important financial transaction you're gonna make, and you find out on the 11th hour. I mean, that's very, very stressful. Uh, this is a big one. Hidden credit cards, uh, 17%. I mean, that's basically a fifth of people have a credit card that are hidden from their partner. Uh, secret savings accounts, we can talk about why that might be. Um, I think there are some good reasons though on why this might be happening. But again, and then so secret savings and checkings accounts. What have you seen? What have you experienced? Do you mind sharing a little bit from your past?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Yeah, so I I watch Dave Ramsey all the time. If you guys don't know who Dave Ramsey is, he's a big fine, he's the biggest financial expert right now in America. He has helped millions and millions of people get out of debt, you know, get financially free. And you just hear stories on he also runs a podcast, and you just hear a lot of I just listen to stories upon stories upon stories. And you just see how so many couples fight about money, and uh a lot of the time it's because the one of the partners um were hiding something. So there have been, oh my gosh, so many instances where the husband would secretly empty out their savings, right, to go invest into a very volatile alt alternative coin, altcoin, so cryptocurrencies lost it all, lost all of their money. So we talked about the Trump coin, right? So there are stories about you know, Donald Trump, our our president, current president, uh created this meme coin, which is absolutely ridiculous. I don't think he should have done it. He there are people who put like who got mortgages out, like who who got got into debt to put all of their money into this meme coin that showed a lot of promise. At one point, it was hitting like crazy numbers, like it went from like zero to like I don't even remember, it was like 70 bucks or something like that, 60 bucks. And then now it's like at it's like remaining around 10, right? And uh there's a lot of these instances where people either like try to get rich quick or they have loans that they that the spouse didn't know about, or you know, obviously like overspending. Uh, there's usually a spender in the relationship, and the spender is like spending without the uh other person's knowledge, and so of course, this is gonna create a lot of riff in the relationship, right? Like, how can it not? And it happens way more often than people think. That it's just like you hear the stories on Dave Ramsey, but the statistics are very clear. You can clearly see like 33%, you know, like admit to spending more than their spouse. Like, there's there's a lot of this going on. It's probably happening in most relationships right now. It happened, you know, it's happening pro it's probably happened in our relationship. It happened in my parents' relationship, but it happens, so it's very, very common here.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Yeah, I remember a story where so there's a forum, uh, a Facebook group called Wall Street Bets. You know, this is about the whole um, you know, GameStop stock and how it elevated, and there was a Facebook group. There was a story about how this couple received like a 200 or multi-hundred thousand dollar uh inheritance from a passing of a family member. And um there's a thing called leverage stocks, right? Where you can essentially bet that a stock goes up or down, and you can win or lose in multiple X's of what you bet. So you can bet a thousand and win or lose a hundred thousand. And this lady was like, Am I crazy for hating my husband because he took half of my my dad's retirement and betted on something and we have nothing? I mean, that is you know, from a child of as being a child of divorce based on uh some financial issues that my parents went through. I mean, that's that's painful to hear. Um, I mean, my dad, I mean, bless his heart, he filed for bankruptcy three times. You know, he's a risk taker. Um, and in some ways I am too. So I think that's important is like I am actually the spender naturally. Not that I like to gamble, I've never gambled more than 20 bucks in my life, but there's things that I like and what I spend money on, and you are a saver, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Yeah, I'm a planner saver.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

Yeah, so what do you think makes you a saver?

SPEAKER_01 12:31

First of all, sorry to you know hear that. I I think um we've seen it on all of our parents, right? Like that I I I also I I find that very interesting where it's like some some people uh because the thing is like a lot of I'm gonna kind of generalize here, but a lot of like women, or there's like someone in the relationship who is a lot more conservative. And so it's like there's one who just takes a lot more risk, right? Like, like you take business risks, we've taken business risks, we've won a lot of business, you know, risk, but we've also lost money in in some business ventures. But the spouse that's more conservative wouldn't agree with that. So the spouse doesn't want to spend money. Hey, let's just like stick to the plan, let's not take any risk, let's do all this. So there's gonna be like kind of that divide, right? So your dad, your dad has made a made a lot of money, like let's let's be honest. But at the same time, he took a lot of risks, risks that your mom probably didn't want to take. Sure. Am I right? And so that's also kind of like a difficult thing because in life you do have to take risks, right? And we're gonna talk about how do you like lead the partner to take calculated risks. Um, what makes me a saver? Uh, what makes me a planner? I I've I'll be honest, I think uh there's a natural component to it where um I think I'm just naturally a saver, but also I've had traumas around money. I've had situations where I've had no money, like I couldn't even put money in my gas because I was maxed out on a credit cards in a lot of debt. Uh, a lot of it my parents' debt, unfortunately, that I felt like I had the responsibility for. And so I've had a lot of traumas and I've been down, like there are people who who honestly have been in much worse situations, but I've had situations where they would turn off the lights because we didn't pay our electric bill, mid shampoo in the shower, and the water would turn off because we didn't have water, uh, or they would turn off the the water, the guy would turn off the water. And so I've had a lot of traumatic situations, which makes me more of a saver and a planner. Uh, because I would never want to be in that situation ever again. It was really tough, very scary, and sometimes you just need those kind of situations to really um make you the person that you are, which you know, for the better, to be to be more conservative. So yeah, that that was me. Well, yeah. Um, what about you? Like, okay, so like what why do you why do you think you're more of a spender? Like what what goes on through your head? I think this is really good because I'm you know, we're kind of the opposite. What makes you a spender? Like, you obviously I know you wanna I I don't think you're a massive spender, to be honest. Like you do save, you do plan, but what makes you just like freely spend, you know, given that you obviously want to get out of debt, I'm I'm sure it's a part of your goals.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Um, I mean, without getting too too deep into like psychology and all those things, because I do think it it relates to a lot of nature and nurture, right? Um, I mean, the way I thought about it in my head as you were speaking is like, you know, if you have a history in your family of cancer or Alzheimer's or whatever it is, it doesn't mean you're going to get cancer or Alzheimer's. It just means that you probably need a heavier push in the opposite direction. You need to do exercise and do the saunas and take this and take that. So I think there is a component of me that really loves excitement, really loves risk taking. Um, I'm not a financial risk taker, except that I have a lot of expensive hobbies, well, one expensive, two expensive hobbies, which is racing cars. I mean, if anybody knows anything about racing cars, it's you know, it's terrible. It's very terrible. And I didn't even really start racing until like my 30s, right? Uh, and then traveling. So I'm an experienced kind of guy, you know, for one reason or another, I love going to beautiful places and being in, you know, unfamiliar places, and I kind of am more of a live in the gray type person than I think you are, if I can say so. Um, just because I've known you for a long time. But that I've had to temper that because when me and my wife sit down for budgeting, I'm like, okay, we're gonna I'm gonna say something to Jessica. I'm gonna sit down and you guys go through the budget.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

It's me.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

It's like, oh wow just because like I spent so much money and I see like a 20 banana, yeah, yeah, like a $25 you know case, and that was too much. So uh I've early on as we started making more money, I realized that hey, if I don't get it under control, my history will also repeat itself. My dad will and even now is he a spender? He is not a spender, he's a risk taker in business. Okay, and just the one thing I'll say about that is he takes he he tends to he be an optimist and doesn't fully flesh out the uh the the the the consequences as much. But in his defense, there are these serial entrepreneurs that continue to open and close businesses, yeah, and if one of them hits, I mean, you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Yeah, but you gotta keep trying. It's the same thing with gambling, right? You gotta like you keep going, and it's like, yeah, you could hit that one and make all your money back, but it's like if you don't, like you just keep going down that rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

I mean, like Ray Dalio, right? The prolific investor. I mean, he talks about all these uncorrelated streams of income. I think you can engineer this in a good way, but just to keep it concise, I like excitement, I'm an experienced kind of person. Um doesn't matter how much money we could go camping or we could go to Europe. I mean, I'm I love both. So I think that's where I if you understand the type of person you are and the type of person your spouse is, then you can say, okay, what do we do from here?

SPEAKER_01 18:53

For sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Okay, so let's say there's a breach. Uh you make a mistake, whatever. Um, how can couples rebuild trust and create true financial intimacy after um a negative thing? Uh, can you kind of walk us through proven strategies, what experts say? Uh, we're both Dave Ramsey coaches, right? What is the framework that people can use?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah, let's talk about first why is it so bad that you do financial for people who do um financial infidelity, right? It's you have to think about it this way. Okay, so let's talk about real infidelity. The biggest problem is that you break trust with the person. And we talk about the emotional bank account from Stefan Covey's book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And we talk about this system of, you know, when you make a deposit, you're like, when you make a promise, you keep your promise. When you say you're gonna be here at a certain time, you keep that promise, or you like compliment someone, or there's like this uh internal bank account that we have, and we make deposits towards people, or we make withdrawals. And one of the withdrawals is that you breaking trust, you saying that you're gonna do something that you don't, you omitting something, or you keeping something hidden, and you know, the person didn't know about such as like you know, keeping bank accounts that you know your spouse didn't know and you're spending all this money, you're like withholding some of the money. And and so there it's a very important thing. If you want to break a relationship, if you want to absolutely like destroy a relationship, is make a bunch of withdrawals in that bank account and you will destroy that relationship and you're you're probably heading towards divorce. And so this is why this is so important. It's as bad as infidelity because it breaks the trust so hardcore. And um, and you don't want to do that, you don't want to break trust with your partner. Like you want to really, especially if it's someone that you live with that you really care about and you're like starting a family with, when you don't trust your partner, about the worst thing that you can do. Like you would talk about security for a woman, if if women aren't secure, if they don't feel secure, you're gonna get the ugliest side of them. You're wondering, oh man, my my lady, um, they say my old lady is um such, she's such a, you know, constantly complaining and whining all the time, she's such a bee, you know. You hear this all the time in husbands. But then how are you contributing to that? How are you contributing to her insecurities? What are you doing to make her feel insecure? You're probably making a lot of withdrawals, but then you're blaming her for you know some of the symptoms that she's having because of what you probably are contributing to. Uh, and so I just feel like it's such a huge and important thing. So, how do you then work around that? How do you uh rebuild that trust? And there are some things. That Dave Ramsey recommends, and a lot of financial experts recommend. I've taken two courses, Financial Pieces University by Dave Ramsey and also Crown Financial, which is another very powerful Christian-based financial coaching program. And some of the things that people talk about is scheduling regular monthly conversations regular money conversations. This is something that my wife and I do. We actually have on the calendar where we're going to talk about like some things, like just the overarching, okay, what's going on in our relationship? What are some things that we're doing well? What are some things that we can improve on? And then we're also going to talk, actually, one of the main points is we actually talk about how are we doing financially. So we go through all of our budgets. Okay, how did you do on your spending? Oh, you went over on your spending. Like, how can we adjust that? Because if you don't talk that through, if you don't like talk about your woes about, you know, hey, you're spending a lot. And we remember we have that goal. Like we want to go on that vacation or we want to put that down payment on the house. And you're you keep breaking the jar, right? The emergency jar of money. You keep breaking the jar, and we're never going to get there if we keep doing this. And I know you and I both want to own a home. And so having those regular conversations are so important. So it doesn't build that resentment and also like clears the expectations. And then, of course, like we talk about the emotional bank account. You have to also keep your word, right? It's so important to keep your word. And so there are times where it's like, hey, I have X amount in my spending. You keep going over in the X amount at a certain so we don't like hurt each other again. So we don't break these expectations again. How can we adjust so we actually keep to this expectation? For example, okay, if you if we can't, if we're if we're we go another month with exceeding what we spent, can we go into the uh money envelope system where we're literally using cash to pay for things and you have a certain amount to pay? Can we cut the credit card, right? And have a certain amount and the debit card, right? Like to actually make this work. There are adjustments that you can make by having these um money conversations.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Um, so yeah, I'd like to chime in there. Um I think you know, uh two things. Number one, this is where things will get emotional, possibly, probably. And this is where you can use some of the techniques that we've covered on other podcasts or other, you know, professionals that talk about how to talk to people, how to set up the framework. Um, I mean, what a great way to practice, you know, on a $5 coffee versus a $5,000 mortgage payment. Uh and the second thing is I think you have to know what the spouse's or friends or whatever, like whoever you're dealing with, you have to know what their goals and dreams are. And that's where I like you said, I like what you said about going back to that. Okay, well, this year of vacation is gonna cost $14,500. We're not getting to that goal. How can we adjust? I think that carrot and the stick thing, just kind of keeping that long-sided uh vision is is really good.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

So you know it's it's delivery is so key. I talk about this all the time. You we have to be able, because especially the people who are like kind of blunt or the people who get things done, you're like you're a getter-dunner. You have to be able to deliver, you got to put a little honey with your message because you with something that's bitter, right? Because it's really difficult for the other person, they're gonna feel defend uh uh defensive, they're gonna feel like small and insignificant, they're gonna feel all types of negative feelings when you come at them like you didn't stick with our budget, you broke the trust again. You if I talk to you like that, just got so stressed out, right? I mean, like, how does that feel, right? It's like, but that's the temptation. You want to come at it strong with the other person. You did this again. We talked about that, but that's not respectful, that's not being kind, right? And I know you're very frustrated, it can get so emotionally charging because it's like you guys have been waiting forever to buy a home, but you can't because your your spouse keeps messing up, right? And so I think respect is so important, and I think uh yeah, having empathy is is also really important. And and then you could talk about you know the history of the other person. Why are you acting like this? So why are why do you keep doing this? You obviously have a history, right, of why you do it. Let's just say it's because you feel like your your your life could end tomorrow, right? Um, but then we could talk about me and like the reason why I, you know, do certain things. So I think delivery is just really key. Deliver something bitter with some with some honey, and I think that's a huge key uh in the these financial conversations.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Yeah, I mean, even again, last the last podcast, you know, John Gottman, relationship expert, the ratio is like five to one to maybe even twenty to one. Are you constantly reaffirming what they are doing well at? You know? Yes. Um I think that's so important, and just like five to one, very simple. If you haven't hit that ratio, then the probability of failure is super high. So I love that you mentioned that. Um, another thing that we do as business people, partners, husbands, whatever, is uh we have a budget. I have never been a spreadsheet guy, I have never been a note guy, anything kind of organized for me, organization was not my strong suit. Um, and you know, and yet we have to. We have to keep all of our expenses. Like you and I talked about, remember, we talked about a sixteen dollar and forty-six uh sixteen dollar and forty-six cent charge.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Audible charge, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Yeah, and why is that important? Well, it's because it could be sixteen thousand dollars and it's the same kind of mentality and energy, right? So I think it's super important to build a shared budget, which then puts the now and projects into the future of the why and the what. What are we really shooting for? We want our kid to go to an Ivy League school. Well, what does that cost? Uh, I mean, trips, uh, things, you want to take your mom, like whatever it might be, but then really, uh, and I want to hear your thoughts on this, but really the thing is you have to build it together with shared goals so that you both have buy-in, and then that becomes more real. So, do you want to share some thoughts on a budget?

SPEAKER_01 28:49

Yeah, I if you are married or you're planning on getting married or you're engaged or whatever, and you're not doing you're not budgeting together, man, you've you're really doing a disservice to your marriage. That's that's my opinion. I I think it's so important to plan together for the health of your marriage to not only really clearly have defined expectations, but also to do something together, to plan together. It's exciting, like, hey, we're we're gonna go on a vacation, we're gonna, we're gonna uh go to this trip to Thailand or whatever, right? It's like take the family, it's gonna be so much fun, and we're we're gonna suffer. So every time you don't go to that restaurant, right? Like, don't do that thing that you really want to do. Don't buy that purse that you really, really want. It's like that the delay gratification feels good. There's something, there's something about that that just feels really good. And it also like it just clears so much expectations, it it really builds trust in each other, especially if you follow through with uh your side of the the contribution of what you're doing um to the the the family finances, and it just really, really clearly sets things out. Man, I I think marriage is like you have to run it like a business. There's so many components, like I know that sounds really weird, but I'm such a huge proponent of like you gotta run your marriage like a business because you're really like, yes, it is a marriage, and it's also a partnership. You guys are partner LLPs, right? Limited liability partners, and you are um running this business together when you have kids, your employees, you know, you got oh, they are employees, they are employees, they cost money, right? You gotta pay them. There's a lot going on, and if you don't have your S together, it's going to really make your marriage difficult. Like just winging it is not appropriate anymore. In this day and age, you can't wing it anymore. Back in the day, you used to be able to. The husband would work, they would make enough income to be able to buy a house, have a mortgage, and have expenses, and still be able to live normally. We're not in that day and age. If you aren't budgeting, if you aren't planning your money, you're you're not gonna have any. You're just gonna, every month you're gonna be like, What the heck? What what are these credit card bills? Why why don't we have any money in our bank account? Well, surprise, surprise. I mean, it's really you're budgeting. It's because you're not planning for your money. Because if you don't want your money, it's gonna leave you. That's the that's the rule. Yeah, and so I I think it's such a huge thing, man. Like, I I think um, man, if you're not budgeting, please get on that right now because there's so much upside to it, and also we'll avoid a lot of downside to it as well.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Yeah, I recently uh remember talking to a couple who bought a mobile home in their 50s, and I was so proud of that moment because we helped them get in with a VA loan, zero down. He was a veteran, and like him hearing and gushing about you know, pride of homeownership and this is for my legacy and my kids, you know, it's it was just so great. And then I recently got a call saying that they're not able to make their payments, and I was like, okay, they're like, do we refinance and this and that? I'm like, well, guys, let's start with the basics here. Do you know what's coming in and what's going out? And you know, these guys who are in their 60s, I don't know, we don't have a budget, right? So I think it's never too late. And all it really takes is like a little napkin or a little spreadsheet, Google Sheets, type in two columns, you know, uh uh in and out what's coming, what's coming in and what's going out. So simple. I can make it sound fancy, right? We have all the stuff, but and if you're netting, uh if you're if you're positive at the end of the day, great. And then if not, we gotta change something. And it's it's as simple as that.

unknown 32:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Um, and I think that you know nobody really teaches you this stuff, and I think that's why we like talking about it and sharing. And um, and and lastly, I would say let's have some context, right? Like the single family, the the single income uh family is gone. It is the dual income mommy and daddy both have to work just to survive, let alone thrive. And then, you know, the cultural expectations are changing, gender roles are everything's changing, and with that we have more opportunity, more potential, you know, things that could happen, but within that, we have to instill this new habit, which is the budgeting, the planning, getting on the same page for your future goals. So I yeah, I think this is a very important topic.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

Yeah, I mean, last thing I'll say is for the person who is more financially, I guess, um, responsible, the the saver in the family. Uh, hopefully you're not both spenders because man, it's gonna be really tough. Um I would say, you know, there's also a way to lead the lead as much as possible in this crazy um journey towards financial stability. And it's it is very difficult, but sometimes you have to really like sell the dream. And you have to really you have to keep reminding the other person like this is so it's so worth this pursuit. Because like I personally am in a place where I'm not financially struggling, right? I'm in a place where I'm I'm pretty financially stable. And it's so I I feel I don't regret it for a moment the the days I used to, you know, I made a lot of money, but I would still not eat out with my friends at restaurants. I would just go out there and order a soup or a drink. I've done that multiple times. I wouldn't eat, I was hungry. I would eat, you know, it'd be embarrassing because I would eat their leftovers. Like I know it sounds crazy, but I used to do that a lot. Um, but yet I had like six figures in my bank account, and I know it sounds crazy. But for me, I took it that seriously. And I'm just saying, like, because once you get a spouse, um, and the person is not as much of a, you know, like a like a saver, it's just I would really work on trying to encourage the person to really understand the vision of what this can be like. And once you're fine, once you're there, the other person will not regret it. It's gonna be tough. They're not gonna agree with you all the time. That's the thing, they're not gonna agree with you, they're not gonna want to be on the same uh page, they're gonna want to like, no, we need this formula maker. We need it. It's like I need sleep. You don't actually need anything, guys. Like, there are people who do this all the time in other countries without a lot of things. And just to really, you know, lead them well, be kind about it, be courteous, um, be empathetic uh to their situation. A lot of people may be like, I don't understand why they're doing this, but really just understanding their background, being kind, you know, if they mess up, they mess up, try to do better next time, create different blocks, right? It's like, okay, let's go to the money uh envelope method. We've tried this, like next time, let's go to the envelope method. Are we okay with that? And then just really navigate uh through this well so you can have a healthy, you know, a healthy navigation towards this financial freedom journey. Uh, because you you know, I'm sure there's there's a lot of people who just hate Dave Ramsey, right? A lot of spouses are like, I hate that guy because my my wife or my husband is so obsessed with this person and getting financially free. Like, I can't breathe, I can't, you know, whatever. But I think it's the whoever's into you know the five you know, the financial journey, you gotta you you really gotta um sell the dream well. Last thing I'll say.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

Any thoughts? Uh I think just try to understand what's behind things, your own psychology, the wall, uh if you will, and try to figure out where it's coming from. And again, it's not about who's right, it's about understanding each other and acknowledging, you know, because you're obviously if you have a spouse or you know, whatever, a partner, you're obviously with that person because of some reason, right? There's a thing about them that's maybe the same or different in a good way that excites you, or there's a spark, or you like doing things together, or you st you like the way you see the world together. I mean, you're not together. I mean, this is not arranged marriage times anymore, right? Maybe for some cultures. But the point is if you try to understand where that person's coming from, I think it's just the ultimate goal. And whether or not you solve the problem, I think awareness is key. And uh know that, you know, things like the one thing I've learned as a so-called spender is it's really about experiences and not ownership. So, you know, you can rent a Ferrari, you know, instead of owning one. You can rent an a huge Airbnb if you have like five friends together and it's like a hundred bucks a night per person. You can change your mindset around certain things to start, you know, uh uh using that lever to say, okay, what are other little changes I can make? Like we talk a lot about buying used things and being knowledgeable about how to buy and sell used things. You know, we are starting this like equipment rental program for our clients, and I'm finding deals at 50 cents on the dollar that I could sell back for the same price. So I could essentially or make money if you're really you know savvy enough. And I could literally have this experience with a little bit of stain on the side. Who cares?

SPEAKER_01 39:08

It's gonna get stained anywhere. Yeah, if you're buying a used chainsaw, your chainsaw is gonna get dirty anyway, you know. I'm saying, like it's it gets fun.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

Be smart about it. There's strategies. I mean, reach out to us. We have like a billion ideas, I'm sure, but I think that's a really good way to uh finish that and um yeah, treat your partner with kindness, with love, and try to understand where they're coming from.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

Sounds good. Well, thank you guys for watching. Uh, we would love to talk more about these kind of topics about relationships and uh things that really affect the relationship negatively. And uh, we just love this topic as we are both married men and we uh have kids. And so, if you guys want more of this content, please like and subscribe. And we'll see you guys on the next episode.