Unashamed with Markus & Nehemiah
Join Markus and Nehemiah as they discuss life, ministry and living unashamed for Jesus.
Unashamed with Markus & Nehemiah
Episode 3: Unashamed Dating: Finding Wisdom in a World of Confident Fools
Markus and Nehemiah tackle godly dating relationships, addressing how to find proper counsel, maintain purity, and develop healthy boundaries.
• Seek wisdom from people who have success in relationships, not from confident fools who may mislead you
• Learn from Rehoboam's mistake of rejecting elder wisdom for peer advice
• Set clear boundaries in dating: don't be alone together and don't hang out late
• View boundaries as protection that keep you FOR something, not FROM something
• Purity equals clarity - walking in purity allows you to hear from God more clearly
• Incorporate fasting as a spiritual discipline that promotes purity
• Combat cultural impurity by renewing your mind daily with Scripture
• Focus on Jesus rather than obsessing over your struggles with sin
• Address the root issues (heart) rather than just the fruit (behavior)
• Find accountability partners who truly know you and can speak truth
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Y'all. Welcome back to the Unashamed podcast with your hosts, marcus and Nehemiah, excited to tackle some more topics. Listen, man. The Unashamed podcast is about living a lifestyle that is unashamed. The Bible says in Romans 1.16, where I am unashamed of the gospel, the power of God unto salvation. Over here we live unashamed.
Speaker 2:We live unashamed man, and today we're talking about these questions that we got from a Q&A we posted on our Instagram and one of the questions was regarding relationships. I want to just tackle a godly dating relationship. I want to tackle that. Youth, the Gen Z, struggle right now.
Speaker 2:People, are always looking for some advice. You're dating. How do I stay pure? Where do I find my advice? I really just want to take you through this story really quick. So there's a man named Solomon, king, solomon, wisest king. The Bible says there will be no king as wise as him ever again. And he had these counselors. Right, he had these counselors that were guiding him through and, as the wisest man, he still had a counsel. I just want you to think about that so you're never too wise for a counsel.
Speaker 2:And so he had this, he had this counsel that was leading him through. Well, long story short, he passes. His son, rehoboam comes across and it comes for a decision to be made and the people come to him asking this question and and he says, give, give me three days. So what he does is he goes to this council, rehoboam does solomon's son, and he asked the council that his dad had. And then he asked the council of which he grew up with, the youth. He asked young people of his age and he ended up listening to the people who were his age and it led him to failure.
Speaker 2:He ended up fleeting from um to jerusalem, to jerusalem. And I just really want to talk, talk about this. It says in uh, second chronicles 10 8 but he abandoned the council that the old man gave him and took the council with the young man who had grown up with him and stood before him. I mean, I just I keep thinking about this, especially in my generation, marcus that there are a lot of people who are seeking advice about dating, and they're asking the wrong people.
Speaker 2:I can encourage people with this right now that a confident fool can be really deceiving, and so we're asking people who do not have success in relationships about what they think about our relationship. This means that, yes, if you are a guy and you're asking your single guy friend who's your age about your relationship, it's probably not right, okay.
Speaker 1:Say that again.
Speaker 2:And then this means that if you are married listen, I'm not even married and I know this If you are married and you're asking someone who was divorced for relationship advice, red flag, this is a no. I'm telling you they are going to be confident fools that deceive you. And right here he asked people who are ignorant. I think sometimes we ask for insight from people who are just straight ignorant and we can't do that. And so what? I encourage my generation with dating of any age that is appropriate, that we go to people who have success in their relationships. That's why I love going to Marcus and Chelsea, his wife, and I love going to my parents because they have success in their relationships. So go to people who have success. I don't have all the answers. Solomon, even as the wisest king, had a council. So how much more me a fool, should I have a council of people guiding me and leading me into everyday From the outside? Looking in, what do you see from the Gen Z relationships like, what's your input, man?
Speaker 1:yeah, I would say man. I feel like I'm from the inside looking out at this point, with as many young people come over to my house with relationship problems yeah, I would say there's a difference between being a voice and an echo.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of people that sound like they're saying something yeah but you can't quite hear it and they're just echoing something that they read in the book or maybe there's something that they thought they've learned or heard on a TikTok, yeah. But there are those who are voices that have, foundationally, they've just got credibility behind what they're saying because you're seeing the fruit of their life. That's why fruit is so important. We talk about fruit a lot. One thing dating advice for the next generation is understanding that you're going to make mistakes. I'm going to say that a lot because you're not always going to get it right. I mean, some of the greatest lessons I've learned in life have been through my failures.
Speaker 1:No-transcript what to say, yeah, and just because you know what to say doesn't mean you should say it. I wanted some oil behind what I said. I wanted some credibility and some history behind what I said. So yeah, gen Z, listen to the voices that you see the fruit of their life. Don't let a confident fool, like we talked about, be somebody that can whisk you away. And you know, I'm not completely against getting advice from people that have made mistakes or getting advice from people that maybe don't have the best things to say, because what I've come to learn in my, in my years now is man, even a fool can teach me something about God. So I try to keep my ears open to everybody. Yeah, and you know I'll take the meat and I'll spit out the bone Like I don't want to cause. Even fools say things. God will use anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he will use these walls. And what I've learned is doctors, man, just because they haven't experienced cancer, they still treat it every single day, and so they might have some credibility. But this is why, knowing the spirit of God and knowing the spirit of God's voice, the Bible says my sheep hear my voice and the strength they will not follow. So know the voice of the Father. When someone is saying something to you, you know that it's God speaking through them. If not, bro, run away and keep it going. But you've got to learn how to hear the voice of god. If you don't know how to hear his voice and many of us struggle with that but really what we struggle with is reading what he wrote. Well, you want to know the character and nature of god. Read the bible. Yeah, old testament and new testament. See, we want to go to the new testament, but I love how you opened up second chronicles I told y'all struggle with revelation, bro.
Speaker 2:I some of the old testament stuff like leviticus. Yeah bro, I didn't get.
Speaker 1:Come on, it's coming.
Speaker 2:Man, the only thing I got was the lamb Come on.
Speaker 1:That's what I got, and it was the best.
Speaker 2:I just sat on it and chewed on it. But talk to me about how we can, like you know how it's, the Bible doesn't get very specific with boundaries in the Bible, with relationships, and I know this is a big question for my generation because I get it a lot.
Speaker 1:But what does it look like to have healthy boundaries in a godly relationship? Yeah Well, first we got to identify what a boundary is. When you drive on the freeway and you see those metal boundaries, like those things that prevent you from driving off the road, what's it do? It prevents you from driving off the road, so it's there to protect you. Now, listen, most people don't drive their cars and know, ok, I got a boundary, so I'm good, I'm just going to hit it. No, you know, like, hey, I need to stay away from that, because if I hit it too hard or if I go too far, I could get hurt or I could die. And so there are those same boundaries in relationships that, yeah, I know she's cute. There are those same boundaries in relationships that, yeah, I, I know she's cute, I, I know, I know he's handsome, I know he's got a six-pack, I get it. Listen, but all that stuff, it it's fleeting one. But you cannot be led by your feelings, you cannot be led by your flesh, because in the last days, they're going to be given over to their selfish desires of their flesh, and we've got to be a people that know what the fruits of the Spirit, which is manifesting self-control and knowing how to say no. So if you want boundaries, listen, don't be hanging out with girls late at night, especially by yourself. Nothing good is going to happen late at night, man nothing. And this is coming from a guy listening to full transparency.
Speaker 1:I grew up in California and I grew up a virgin. I stayed away from girls, didn't have any girlfriends. Growing up I was on the straight and narrow and you know. Then I came to college and I I wanted to keep those things up. And then I met this young lady, first girlfriend ever, and I found myself hanging out with somebody late at night. Yeah, well, what you think's gonna happen? For sure, nothing good's gonna happen. And I ended up losing myself to this girl and I was so broken because I gave her what was the most precious thing I owned, which was my virginity at the time, and I was like dang, like I've got to marry her.
Speaker 1:I thought I messed up, but God can restore your purity with a truly repentant heart. So what I'm saying is don't put yourself in a situation where you even have to make those kinds of decisions Because, listen, you're not strong enough. No, you're not the Bible. Yeah, samson, it's taking down the strongest of people. Yes, come on. So don't allow yourself to think that you are the mightiest person ever. Yeah, just set up healthy boundaries and find leaders in your life that can hold you accountable to those boundaries. Man, and if you like a girl, man, learn how to pursue her in the right way.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't just date for the sake of dating. And listen, fellas for those that are thinking having a body count is cool. Man, that's nonsense. You believed a lie straight from the pit of hell, because you're going to have to give account for that someday, because those are God's daughters. And listen, this is coming from a girl. Dad, like, we've got to learn how to honor and respect women and see them rightly. But we're living in a perverted world that all we've done is pervert what a woman is, and so that's why we desire their body, but not intimacy with them in their mind. And so we've got to just learn how to course correct. There's grace for your journey, course correct. And if you need help, listen, we got you, I'm in your corner. We're here to help man. We want to see you, know you, young fellows, go from boys to men, because God is raising up a generation of men, man, that are going to be the real thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, I keep thinking about that boundary man For me. I gave myself up because one, I was alone and two, it was late.
Speaker 1:Alone and late. Alone and late.
Speaker 2:If you only have two boundaries.
Speaker 1:Don't be alone. Don't be alone, don't hang out late.
Speaker 2:Don't hang out late, come on. I love that frame of boundaries, that they're not keeping you from something, they're keeping you for something. If I'm driving on a destination to a vacation, I want to get to that vacation. I on a destination to vacation, I want to get to that vacation. I want to get to that place that I'm going to be comfortable at. But in order to get there, I got to stay on the road.
Speaker 2:You got to stay on the road, so many of us want to drive up this mansion and we want to get off our lane and expect to still get to the same destination.
Speaker 1:Come on man.
Speaker 3:No, that's not how it works.
Speaker 2:It doesn't work that way, and so you can't. I remember playing baseball, and I was so impure. I mean, I'm sleeping with my girlfriend and I'm trying to play baseball and I'm worried about if I'm about to have a kid or not. You can't have both. And I mean I was getting offers but I couldn't enjoy the prosperity because I didn't have peace.
Speaker 2:I would argue that prosperity is in prosperity if there's no peace with it. So I just think about my relationship with my girlfriend now is like the biggest and best thing that we can do is stay in pure. Because I believe that God says that those who are pure in heart shall see God. So purity equals clarity. Papa Whiteside told me that, and so I know that. I can clearly hear from the Lord and I'm walking in purity.
Speaker 1:It's a promise. It's a promise. And I'm walking in purity. It's a promise. It's a promise. If I'm walking in purity, I'm going to hear from the Lord. The clearest I've ever heard was when I'm walking in the most pure mind, body and spirit. There's just something about it because there is a level of clarity that comes from denying your flesh sometimes been. Purity is produced by fasting. To talk about it, a lot of you ask him a fasting to what is fasting.
Speaker 1:Marcus, yeah, listen, anybody get up on his podcast and lie, hey, when I say it's a struggle, but I've learned. Okay, I want to become more like Jesus, yeah, and so what it means is I have to do the things in which Jesus did, not from a religious place, but from a love place, and knowing that Jesus modeled a lifestyle that I can follow in that's going to draw me closer to the Father. He modeled rhythms, and rhythms of intimacy. I've got that down. I pray, I seek the Lord, but fasting is pushing away the plate and it's not just not eating, it's intentionally connecting with God when you're not eating and also when you look at you know, according to Isaiah, a true biblical fast is taking your meal that you were going to eat and going and giving it to the poor. But most of us just think that I can fast. You know candy.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 1:All right, I digress, but when I fast, it's just water.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I try my very best to fast once a week. I try I want to get into a rhythm of it and not so that people can know though Marcus is fasting, but I just want to draw closer to my father because fasting is a gift. But this flesh don't like it. This flesh hates it. This flesh loves steak and candy and the McDonald's we ate before this podcast.
Speaker 2:I know Wouldn't say that we're the most pure and physical right now, based on what we just ate.
Speaker 1:We're on our way, amen Amen.
Speaker 2:Six-pack's coming soon, don't play. For him Amen, he got it too, he got it too, d1.
Speaker 1:D1. Former Amen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we still got it.
Speaker 1:Hey, we've been jumping into pickleball lately, so we've been on that. It'll be looking out for us for real. Yeah, in fact, man, 2,000 calories every pickleball workout oh, we've been killing it.
Speaker 1:But man, final question as we wrap up this episode, man is, I would love to pose a question. I'm just going to throw a thought out there and I want us just to pick it up and flow with it. However, we see, how can a generation walk in purity when every time they pick up a device, every time they turn on a television, every time they see a billboard, every time they hear an ad, it's always promoting the impure lifestyle? I just immediately.
Speaker 2:What hits me is when Jesus said what causes somebody to be unclean is not what comes into their mouth but what comes out of their heart. But then in Proverbs it says that we have to guard our heart, for it determines the course of our life. But then we also learn that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So we keep hearing about this heart. How do I control what comes out of my heart? We're guarding this heart by. Guarding that heart is, if you're getting tempted and you're seeing these images on your phone, you have to remove that thing from your phone. It has to be removed, it has to be taken out Because I, just like you said, if you think you're strong enough to overcome lust, you're not. You're not. The Bible says that the spirit is willing and the flesh is weak. We cannot walk in strength in this area. The Bible clearly tells us to run from this Like we're supposed to fight everything else.
Speaker 1:Well, because it even goes as far to say that we're given the willpower to actually resist the devil. It says resist the devil and he will flee from you. So that's willpower. But then it says draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Where we miss it is we just get so focused on the behavior modification. Listen, you can change your mind and change your behavior, but if you change your heart, you'll change your entire life. Yeah, and in order to change your heart, you've got to learn what it means when the bible says resist the devil, he'll flee from you. Draw near to god, he'll draw near to you.
Speaker 1:Cleanse your hands, purify your heart and if I want the mind of christ, you see, the mind of christ can directly connect to this heart. It takes that 18 inch journey when I take on the mind of Christ. You see, the mind of Christ can directly connect to this heart. It takes that 18-inch journey when I take on the mind of Christ and I'm not conformed to the ways of the world but I'm transformed by renewing of my mind. And it takes the journey to my heart and it tells me who I am. But if I'm not doing that, that means what's inside of here is a lie from the devil and I'm living out that lie every single day and I'm gratifying the desires of the flesh. But I've got to break this mind. The mind is where it starts, man, because when you break your mind and your mind is broken before the Lord, then he can transform your heart and transform your life.
Speaker 2:I really like how you talk about the mind, the renewal of the mind. That's a daily thing that we have to do Multiple times.
Speaker 1:For me.
Speaker 2:Mine is consistently if I'm not chewing on Scripture, if, if, I'm not chewing on scripture, if I'm not chewing on something that is godly, I'm chewing on something that's worldly. There's no in between, and so if I'm chewing on something that is worldly, it eventually gets down to my heart, like you said, and the byproduct is an action, the byproduct is a fruit, and so just chewing on the things of the word, and that's why reading is so important.
Speaker 3:I do, I believe.
Speaker 2:That's why I believe reading is so important, important right there, because it's the renewal of the mind people who are struggling with images and people have struggled with their past and relationships. They already have enough memory to fall again every day. So how do I get rid of the? How good? How do I get rid of these thoughts? How do you read these temptations? You remove those thoughts by replacing them with the things of god for sure, that's what you do so I take thoughts captive and and it's listen, y'all, it's listen.
Speaker 1:You know it's a journey, man, it's. You don't just go from struggling to walking in freedom for 10 years, but it does by one day at a time and all you got to do is just keep walking, day by day. He's a lamp unto our feet and a guide unto our path. And so I know, sometimes, like man, I want to be clean for 10 years. For sure I get that, but let's be clean for the next 24 hours.
Speaker 1:Well day in and day out. And find accountability. Find people in your life, man, that really know what's going on in your life. Not people that you can fake it Listen, I've been really good at faking it in my life but find people that can really know what's going on and they can speak to things that they know when you're bull driving.
Speaker 2:They know when you're just shooting the breeze you know, what I'm saying For sure People that really know you.
Speaker 1:If you find those people in your life, man, hold on to them. Yeah, hold on to them.
Speaker 2:What's your one encouragement for the young teenagers out there who are really struggling? They want to do good, they love Jesus, yeah, but they keep falling into sin. What is your one encouragement for them?
Speaker 1:for guys and girls, yeah take your eyes off of the sin and put your eyes on jesus. We give the devil so much space in our minds and in our thoughts. It's so easy because he's been such a good liar and he's been lying to you ever since the day that you were born. So take your eyes off of the problem, put your eyes on jesus, stop focusing on the fruit and get to the root, so we can address the fruit issue, which is maybe the things that you're struggling with right now. But really the root issue is, man, you've got a broken heart that god wants to heal. It's broken and it's okay, like admit it, don't, don't deceive yourself. And if it's broken, it's okay.
Speaker 1:God does beautiful things, broken things, he says he takes the fullest things of this world to confound the wise. And so in my brokenness, I give God everything, even now, like when I mess up. I'm like man, lord, I'm sorry, I repent, I turn away and I trust the Holy Spirit that's within me to empower me to live the life he's called me, to empower. And then I invite other people into that journey with me, because we're better in community with people. But I would say this man, don't beat yourself up for who you used to be. It's who you used to be. People can't judge me by my testimony. That's who I used to be. I'm not that person anymore. I'm a completely changed and transformed person. So can you, you can be that same thing. Just trust jesus, trust his word, trust community, trust your pastor, trust your mom and dad yeah and keep going that's really good, marcus let's go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, amen, unashamed podcast man, subscribe like, follow us man, shoot us your questions. Man, we want to be able to be an encouragement. Yeah, keep living that unashamed lifestyle All right, pam.
Speaker 3:that's it for this episode of the unashamed podcast. If it hit, if it challenged you or it made you say yo same, go ahead and follow, drop a review and send it to your group chat. You know the drill. We're here for the real ones, the bold, the honest, the ones who refuse to play small. So keep showing up, keep speaking truth and say loudly unashamed. Catch y'all next week. Until then, be real, be bold and be you Peace.
