#80 Tarig Holman

Tarig Holman is the Head Football Coach at Hudson Catholic High School in New Jersey. A former player at the University of Iowa, Tarig was part of a program built on toughness, discipline, and brotherhood—something that still shapes how he leads today. Prior to Hudson Catholic, he served as the Head Coach at St. Thomas Aquinas, where he went 27–6 and built one of the top programs in the state. Tarig has spent over two decades as an educator and coach, developing young men both in the classroom and on the field. Now leading a program with deep roots and real adversity, he is focused on building something that goes far beyond football. Tarig exemplifies what it means to lead with purpose, serve others, and create a lasting impact through the game.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Coaches and athletic directors, it's Corbin Smith with MTTS Sports Group. Let me ask you a quick question. What are the biggest challenges that you face when it comes to leadership development and culture sustainability? Okay. At MTTS Sports Group, we have created a system through leadership speaking and training, staff alignment seminars, as well as culture seminars that address those issues. We also offer a six-hour fully immersive leadership stress test for your teams called the Tour Crucible. Okay. If you are interested at all, go to uh www.mtts sportsgroup.com and let us know how we can help. Enjoy the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

So where I'm at in in Jersey, and and I think what I think the misnomer about New Jersey is that like it's such a small state, but it's a small state that has everything. Like you know, and and there's like, you know, we got farms, we got cities, we got suburbs, and so um I moved from from Missouri out to here, and and so like when you're flying to New Jersey, you fly into Newark, and and it's like it's like a lot of you know industrial, it smells bad sometimes, but but like when I when I leave where I live and I and I drive to Jersey City and um you know the the backdrop is you know New York City and you know Freedom Tower, and then I look to my right and I see the Statue of Liberty, and you know, then I go into my office and you know and and do the thing that I love, it's amazing. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:36

So that's that's pretty incredible.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Yeah, that part is is great, man. And you know, I I used to think that I was like this big time athlete and you know, destined for the NFL and you know, all this other shit, but um, you know, the good Lord put me in a place where I could um you know pursue my passion, and every day I feel like I do and I'm doing what I've been put on this earth to do. So it's um it's a ton of fun. I love it. Um and it gets better every freaking day. So um this year, and now this year for me, I'm gonna get a chance to uh to not only like build and develop a program um kind of from the foundation, but also get a chance to coach my son.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Um so that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Yeah, so so daddy ball's an effect, man.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Yeah, right. But uh with us with us at ex-athletes, yeah, we play daddy ball all the time, don't we?

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Yeah, so I um I'm finally uh I'm finally gonna get a chance to to coach him. And you know, and and I think also like I used to kind of look at it like, and I used to tell people all the time that like, you know what, you know, when your kid is is with me, you know, I know that's your most precious gift, and you know, I I don't take that for granted. And when he's with me, you know, I'm gonna treat him like he's my son. So um trying to to build and cultivate and develop um the types of programs that that you would want, not only for your players, but but for your own kid, and and now having you know been able to have um the opportunity to to kind of build and and develop that part of my son and and play a huge role in um the experience that he has with football because football is amazing to me, man. And you know, so I just get a chance to pay it forward, um, and uh, and it's awesome. So I'm excited.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Well, yeah, yeah, it sounds like, I mean, you know, I always said it, and for me, and and you know, there were times where you forget about it, but really the the the industry, right, the profession of coaching, especially I think in football, because there's so many lives that you impact all at one time, but um it's a service industry, you know, especially at the high school level and the youth level, because the college level, I mean, it's it's a business, it's your livelihood, but but it where you're at, it's your livelihood and your business too. But but from a service model, from you know, if if you serve the Lord, you know, it you know as well as I do that that your job as a servant is to serve others and and to have the ability, and I was fortunate because I I coached my oldest son all through all through high school. Um, my middle son I coached halfway through high school, and then my youngest son, I just coached him in youth. But um, and then having played for my dad for a couple years and then coaching for my dad, like it's a special thing. It's a special thing as a kid, and I've learned as a as a father, it's even more special. And and like you said, man, you know, we we treat all the all the individuals that play football for us like our own children.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Yeah, you know, it's and and I I think the I think the important thing is is that um you know servant leadership is is huge. And and that's the that's the name of the game. And and I think that's what college football is is kind of missing now. Because it's becoming such a business, and you know, and even the the relationships that that I've you know been able to have with teammates and things like that, like that's what that's the part of the brotherhood that like that does it, you know, that can't be I mean you can't fake it. You can't um you know, you you can't um it can't be really um it's not something that can ar har happen artificially. And and I feel like, you know, sometimes that, you know, that that gets lost in the equation when it comes to you know the next level. You know, and so I have kids that are um you know, I have a um I have about eight to ten kids that are playing in, you know, in in uh in college football right now, and um, you know, two that are in it in in the NFL and and like when they talk about like the bases, like it's you know, they still really miss high school football. Like it might as well be another it might as well be a different sport, you know, um because because it is so different. And you know, and I you know I I feel like I'm so far removed from it because um because it's just not the same. And you know, and you you start to feel old sometimes when you're like ah when I was in college and the kids are like ah, he wore big shoulder pads. That and that that that part doesn't help. But but I think when when you look at it from the standpoint of like really what was at its at its crux, like crux, like I had we had some great freaking coaches, man. We had we had a great experience. We were part of a really awesome program, and and like sometimes like you know, that's that's getting forgotten about now because of the money aspect of it. And I get it. Right, you know, I think college kids should definitely be paid, but I think um, you know, at at what stake, you know, I you couldn't put a number amount on on the um experience and um you know what I got at the University of Iowa. Like they couldn't they couldn't pay me, they they couldn't pay me enough, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

So I'm gonna I'm gonna interrupt you because I we keep going, but um just to introduce you so everybody knows um Tariq Holman is the head football coach at Hudson Catholic High School in New Jersey. Um prior to that, you were at St. Thomas Aquinas in Jersey, went 27 and 6 there as a head coach. I do. I did my research, man. I knew that before. But I I wanna um I want to kind of you played football at Iowa, so we got that that Hawkeye Brotherhood right there. Um, you know, both played for Coach Fry, and I know Coach Coach Elliott is the one that recruited me from SC, and and so he was kind of my guy, even though I didn't play that position. But um I really, really fortunate to have you on. I've been after you for about a year since I started this. So thanks for coming on. I appreciate it, man. Good to be here.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Yeah, this is amazing. This is amazing. Um, you know, uh the funny thing is I talked to Mrs. Elliott uh maybe three or four days ago um when I ran across a picture of uh Coach Ian and myself. And um, you know, the brotherhood runs strong, man. And you know, that you know, I it might be it might be red when you cut me, but um, I had an awesome uh and amazing experience at Iowa. And, you know, anytime I can connect with some of my brothers, man, um it's amazing. So I'm I'm delighted to um have the opportunity to jump on and chop it up with you, man. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Yeah, no, I you know what it's funny because I don't think I think guys that played at that level understand it. You know, even when we were playing, and I'm I'm four years older than you, but but still is it's the same same thing, you know. At SC, um, we still we still keep in contact um for the most part. There's a core group that keeps in contact. But I'll I'll be honest with you, I had more fun at Iowa than I did at SC. And there was something unique. And and you know, when I got there, it was quite honestly, it was kind of a culture shock because I came from LA from SC, where, you know, honestly, it it was it didn't matter where you came from, what color you were, what your culture was, rich, poor, it didn't matter. We were all brothers, which which was cool. Um, and I go to Iowa and I'm like, you got these white dudes that are hunters over here, right? And you got a got this little group of black guys over here. But we we had a group, you know, God, I could go through it, man. And you you know all the guy, you know, D-Robb was in there, Bobby D, um, you know, all the receivers, Willie and Demo and and um Harold and all those guys, all the DBs, and we would go over Bobby's house once a week uh on the weekend, and just we'd all be there and we played games. And uh, you want to talk about some eye-opening conversations for me, but that's what I miss. You know, I I miss that that's kind of why I got into coaching too, was just to have that brotherhood, that locker room brotherhood.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

So and and and I think the amazing thing about it is as a coach, you get to create those um those relationships, um, those experiences for kids. And and so like talk about like playing for paying it forward and and being able to create that, like that's what's what I want to create. I want to create those conversations at training table. You know what I mean? I want to you know be able to create the you know, I call it out of artificial adversity that gets created when you guys have no choice but but to depend on each other. And so uh Rashard Carter, I think he, I don't know if you remember Rashard, but yeah, so Rashard just turned 50. And you know, and so um we were we're all down in Houston and that's all we talked about. Like, you know, here we are, everyone has all this stuff going on in their life, but you know what we took a weekend to to get together and and celebrate um one of our brothers, and it was absolutely amazing. And it was just like we hadn't missed the beat. It was just like, you know, here we are at Slater Hall again, you know, just you know, or out at Pheasant Ridge, just all hanging out and and talking about things and um just engaging with each other and and it and it was absolutely amazing. So as a as a head coach and you know, as a as a football coach, to be able to create um some of those uh you know milestones where where guys just got so close to each other that you know they're willing to sacrifice for each other, you know, they're um willing to um do so much and and and just enjoy themselves together um is is so much fun. And and I love it. You know, I I love to watch them hurt and and and figure out a way to laugh while they're hurting, you know. And so that's um that's cool.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

And I know you know this, but you noticed when you said Rashad, what when you said his first name, I just got this big smile on my face because he was the biggest freaking comedian I've ever been around in my life. He was my roommate.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

I didn't know that. Nonstop. I I mean I don't even know if I could be around him without not laughing for the city.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Yeah, so the jersey the Jersey connection was was strong, man. And so I I saw Bobby uh a couple months ago. Um he's at he's at North Carolina, and uh so he was he was in town and um and and uh so there was a coach's event up north and he was there, and you know, it's like no one else existed in the realm of just us, you know, you know, us chopping it up and you know, and and when when Bobby's dad would would would come out to Iowa, he would take care of all the Jersey kids. All of us. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

And and that was and that and that was awesome. And so like I think the connection is even, you know, even though you know I'm four years removed from you, the connection between the players that went like connects us. And so like, you know, the pastor, the pastor of my church um was best friends with Bo Porter. You know, so as soon as I so as soon as so as soon as he you know he found out that that my dad's son played at Iowa, you know, he found me and he was like, oh, you know Bo Porter. And so yeah, I said, yeah, Bo was one of my role models. I wore two because Bo wore two. Yeah, and that's what you know, that's what you know that that's the the jersey ties and how everything kind of kind of worked out. So yeah, man, um, you know, I've I've had an amazing experience.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Good. Bo Bo is along the same lines to me, athletically speaking, as quite honestly, as the Bo Jacksons, the Dion's. Um played with two guys at SC, Jason Seahorn. You you know Jason. Um, what people don't know about Seahorn was that he went and played in the Cubs organization right out of high school for like four years, and then went to Mount Sack and then came to SC. But and then of course junior say was along those lines as far as athletically just just tremendous. And and the thing about them, they had it all, but they worked even harder than anybody you'd ever see. So right. Um I want to ask you, I want to dive into this real quick, and I don't want to spend a lot of time on it because I know you're starting a new chapter. Um, and I and I did I did a uh a little commentary on this a while back, and I I texted you and asked you if I could, you know, use you as an example about kind of the state of high school sports in the whole country and you know, school districts or administration getting rid of uh coaches um and really for no reason and and in the culture. And you were at St. Thomas Aquinas, went 27 and 6 in your three seasons, had them rolling, and then boom, you get blindsided, you and the basketball coach, I guess, on the same day get get let go. And no explanation or anything like that. And then I find out today that the athletic director that was at St. Thomas Aquinas is the uh is your current athletic director who hired you at Hudson Catholic. Yeah, right. So obviously that tells me a lot in regards to who was who was at the forefront of letting you go. Um, how important is it for you? And and I and I commend your AD for doing that because uh and he, you know, obviously everything I read he speaks super highly of you, and he hired you to build a program and he believes in you. But how hard is it nowadays as a head high school coach in any sport, but specifically football and basketball, to really get in with the right people in the right administration that share the same vision and allow you to do your job and trust you enough to do it the right way.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Um I I think when I think it's a two-part answer to the question. I I can speak um personally for myself, and then I can uh probably speak, you know, to the to the other portion of it. But um as as far as um what happened at St. Thomas and and me, um, it was God's plan, man. And I'm so I'm so thankful for that um experience um because um you know and I didn't understand it, but but I think God sometimes puts you um in a position to um you know to to lean on lean on your faith. And um I built that um along with a an amazing staff of of guys and we you know we had some awesome experiences like we were talking about, and uh, you know, built it from the ground. And um when you know, when when uh when they let me go, um I was I was floored, you know, and um I I didn't understand it um and and I was I was hurt um and you know and sometimes like when you don't really understand it, you know, you um you can't do anything but just let you know kind of let God um you know order your steps. And and so during that time, um later I found out that that my mom um got really sick. Um so um after I got let go at St. Thomas Um I was able to have my mom come up and my family's originally from St. Louis, Missouri. So my mom um came to New Jersey. Um she hadn't been there since I graduated from high school. Um I got to spend three months with her, um, and it was absolutely amazing. And and so um during that time, um I also um was offered you know a couple of other jobs, but um, you know, Augie Hoffman, who's the head coach at at St. Um Joe's Mottville in New Jersey, um, offered me a job and I was wasn't sure about what I wanted to do. And um, you know, and so he he allowed me to come and be a part of uh of that staff, so I was able to to take some time off and you know focus on my family. And um for a long time, you know, I've always been um you know a firm believer in like you know putting your priorities in order. And I start with faith, um, family, I would say my job, and then football's kind of the last thing. And you know, that's what I tell the kids, but you know, I I I really got an opportunity to kind of live that part out and you know, and and the faith part, just believing in believing in God, um, understanding and recognizing that, you know, I'm not in charge, you know, that that um that that he has it all planned out and you know, just you know, when you submit to um the plan, things usually work out in in your favor. And so um I was able to start um working with with those guys and what an amazing staff of guys um that you know that Coach Hoffman and you know that that entire program up there, um, you know, what a great job they do. And so I was able to fully immerse myself in that part um, you know, during the spring, going into the summer last year. And um, and so um my mom went back to St. Louis probably like in um about the end of June or something like that. And I just remember, you know, we just had Easter and just remember her being up here was awesome. And so um we were able to to really do that and you know go through the summer and being around, you know, such a great group of guys, um, as far as being a part of that staff, um, but also having the time to you know to really cater towards what I need to do as um as a dad, um, as a husband, um, as a father, um, and uh and as a brother to my siblings and things like that was was pretty cool being able to have that. And so once this, once the season started, um we were rolling and everything was great and um and and mom got really sick. Um so I had to, I had I was able to drop everything. Um just you know, I wasn't the head coach. Um so I was able to kind of make make sure I did my part and you know take off and get to St. Louis and see mom and make sure that she was okay and um and check in and then get back and kind of get back to the season. And um, you know, so during the first week of the playoffs, my mom passed. And uh I was heartbroken. And and again, like, you know, my world came crashing down on me and I didn't know what to do. And um, but I had to handle my responsibilities um as far as my family was concerned first. And and not being the head coach and and having you know, being a part of a great staff, I was able to do that part too. So um first round of the playoffs, I wasn't even there for the first game. I was in St. Louis, um, you know, with with my family, kind of preparing to um to deal with with those circumstances that we had. And um, you know, we ended up I I was able to get back um for the next game, and you know, we we won the semifinal and we um we finished up in MetLife as number one team in New Jersey. Um and you know, and and had a really, really great experience for those kids and um ended up having an amazing season. And as soon as the smoke cleared, um, you know, the the storm was over, um, so to speak, um, this opportunity came um for me to, you know, to jump back on the horse. And that that was God, you know, it's just saying, like, look, man, time to get back on the horn, um, you know, and and continue to pursue your passion and and and develop what you're able to do. And so that's where the opportunity at Hudson Catholic came, um, along with the same athletic director I was talking about before. Um, God's amazing. And uh, and now, you know, to to be in a position where um I am now to not only um you know try to get back to where some of the things that we had did at St. Thomas, but even take it to an uh even better level um is is amazing. So when I look at it from from that perspective, um it was great for me. Um and so, you know, being able to to be a part of that program, like I said before, and see the number one team in the state and one of the top programs in the country, I'll say, um, and see how they do things was was a godsend for me. So that part um is is amazing. Um but when I look at um how that might have impacted someone who may not have been in my position, um, you know, someone that and may not have had the opportunities that that I've been afforded, um, it it could have been devastating. Um I look at the you know, the basketball coach, he hasn't worked yet. You know, he hasn't he he had one opportunity to be a head coach, he hasn't had another opportunity yet. And so, you know, I'm the you know, um I was then the the president of the New Jersey Football Coaches Association and the Right, I was gonna ask you about that. And the and the vice president of the Minority Coaches Association. So, you know, being in those roles and you know, and having an innumerable amount of contacts and and people that I know and relationships with, um, it was easy for me. But um, you know, that there's this poem about, you know, being a bridge builder and, you know, and trying to build it so that, you know, it's easier for the next generation to come across. It's it's like saying, like, wow, man, what if my livelihood as a, you know, was was wrapped up in that job, you know, and so many people put so much into it, um, you know, that could have that could have been, you know, extremely detrimental for for me um and my family, um, not only like this the mental aspect of it, but the financial repercussions, you know, everything. And so um, you know, to get to the second part of it, I I think it's it's really important that, you know, that that we're able to try to um you know build and and create um opportunities for our profession um to to be professional. You know what I mean? And and for us to have, you know, the opportunity to to to build and and sustain um our livelihood through um what it is that we do best. And you know, and there's you know, uh there's there's professional high school football coaches. There's profession, you know, and And and I I think that those things um go without saying when you talk about um the impact that having an amazing high school football coach can impact the community, can impact the school, um and and and the culture that that's associated with it. Um I don't I don't think you could pay some of these coaches enough. And you know, and I see 'em every day. Um I know a lot of them firsthand. Uh some of the things that that kind of goes along with it.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yeah, no, you know, I mean so much to take in. First of all, um now my can say, you know, with with the losses that you experienced in 2025 and and um because I know there there were more, but um, you know, I the loss of a parent, I'll I'll tell you this story real quick. So 2008, beginning of 2008, I'd been out of coaching for a couple years, was coaching my kids, but hadn't been high school level, nothing. My dad, 68, you know, this guy was healthy as a horse, worked out every day, never drank, never smoked, just lived a clean, healthy lifestyle and and got had a form of leukemia that he could have lived with for a long time, and then got lymphoma and was gone in two months. And um, you know, so lost my dad at the end of January of 2008. Um my ex-wife and I um got not finally, but we split up in April of that year. Um, my dog, who is my baby, um he died in June, started dating a woman for a couple months, she passed away. And that was my 2008. And all that loss, kind of like what you were saying, and I wasn't coaching, I was in medical device sales, and and but I had the freedom to be able to be there with my dad and to take care of my responsibilities. And I remember my my ex-wife, who we're still good friends, she said to me one time, she's like, I don't understand how you handle it, and I'd be curled up on a ball, in a ball on my floor. And like you said, God gave me this strength that I didn't know at the time that he was given to me. Because, like you said, you you you you're in a fog, right? There's smoke all around you. And but you still have responsibilities financially as a father, as a husband, all those kind of things. And um, I will tell you for somehow, some way I got out of that. Um, and it took me a long time to truly get right again emotionally, but here's what it did. That loss made me appreciate everything around me so much more. Um, and it uh and it propelled me to, at the age of you know, late 30s, to go get my master's in special ed and teach and coach high school football because I realized through all of that loss that um what I was meant to do was to impact others and and create a legacy that was built around service. Um, and I truly believe that's what the Lord wants for all of us. And um, you know, I I've never shared, I've shared that story with with those closest to me, but never public where people can see. But, you know, I I'll tell you this losing a parent, um you never the pain doesn't go away. It'll never go away. But what happens is you learn to manage that pain. And you always hear them, you always smell them, you'll, you know, I'm fortunate because I can turn on the TV from time to time and see my dad. Um, but yeah, my my my thoughts, my prayers, I I my heart is with you and your family. So I'm I'm proud of you. Um you you continue to do amazing things and you're an amazing man, and uh what a story. And I I'm I'm deeply, you know, heartbroken for you, so and your family. So thanks for sharing that too. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

I appreciate it. And and I I think that um, you know, anytime that that uh that I can uh wit witness and be a part of something firsthand, you know, it's it's almost like now you get a chance to kind of practice what you preach. Um you get a chance to just kind of live through it and and it's tough and I and I deal with it daily. Um absolutely, you know, losing the losing a parent and you know, mom's not there physically anymore, but um it's it's tough. And and so um we're in the business of creating tough people. And it's uh I think that um when you when you look at that, you know, um and and the impact that you can that you can use and you know turn you know a setback into a comeback and and create something that's gonna be um you know kind of there forever, you know, and you know if you can leave a legacy and you know and and do some of those things, you never die anyway. You know, and so those are some of the things that that I really lean on, man. Um I'm I'm I've just been so blessed. Um and like I said before, like I'd have to deal with it by myself. I had an uh amazing support system. Um so that part was was terrific for me. Um and and being able to kind of engage on on a different level with a lot of uh with a lot of people um that I that I care about and that obviously you know show so much love and caring for me too was was pretty cool. And uh so like I said, I I think that it just kind of renewed um you know the the faith that I have um in in God and you know and the immense um blessings that I know that I've had through that came through some of the people that I've been around. And so when you when you look at it, man, you know, I I feel like even my coaching career, like I I learned how to be a coach from some really, really good coaches. And and so that's the thing that I'm you know really proud of. And you know, I I I really just in love, um, you know, I I really love being and doing what I feel like I've been really put on this earth to do. So um that's amazing for me.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Let me let me ask you about this too. Um so you you come into uh uh Hudson Catholic um in 2000 what we just had the 25 season. So 2024 season, um coach by the name of Lamar McKnight was the head coach. He ends up passing away very, very young with his brother and an assistant coach. Um and so they kind of have sounds like an interim coach, just put someone there, and they went three and seven. Not that wins really matter, but obviously, you know, there was kids were devastated um, you know, with the loss of coach McKnight. And now you come in, and I'm sure there's still a lot of positive things that that Coach McKnight left from a culture standpoint and from an influence standpoint, and not to say that the person that was that you were just replaced didn't have that, but you know, dealing with grief and dealing with loss for young kids is a difficult thing. What are some of the things that you're doing at Hudson Catholic to to really promote, like you said, you know, community, togetherness, um, you know, one standard, culture, those kind of things. What are some things that that you're really putting at the forefront for you and your staff?

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Um, Corbin, and uh, and and the the crazy thing about it is that I had experience um with that. Um at St. Thomas, I took over for um Coach Mini had just passed away. So that's how that job. Yeah, so that's how that job came about. And and so I think um, you know, the the thing is, and I think it always starts with love. And you know, and and love is uh, you know, it's definitely an action work. Um it's not it's not a feeling, it's not an emotion. And and you have to be able to show kids that. Um and you have to showcase it. And and that's something that that um that you know I try to I I really try to exemplify on a daily basis is is showing them acts of love. Um and you know, I think when you can do that, and you know, and the kids know that um you you care more about you know the kid that's underneath the helmet um than you know just scoring touchdowns and some of the other things. I think that that allows you to not only coach them at a different level, um, but uh uh allows them to kind of open up. And so that those are some of the things that I'm doing on a daily basis, um just trying to connect with the players, um trying just trying to be a part of the educational community at the school, um, and really just kind of um you know engaging in um you know the culture that's it that's in Jersey City. And like I said, what a lot of people don't know is that, you know, um although New Jersey is a really small state, it just has everything. And you know, you know, you go in a you go into Jersey City and they say, uh, he's not a Hudson County guy. And so I have to so I have to kind of go into Hudson County and say, hey, I'm not a Hudson County guy, but I love Hudson County, right? And and I'm gonna show you guys that um, you know, that part first. And I feel like if if I can you know show these kids how much that I I care about them, that I love them, um, I want them to have an amazing experience. Um I want to continue to, you know, I want to continue along the same lines that um you know that that that um that that coach that the coach um before them had and you know and Lamar had um when he was there um and and kind of engaging there and you know what let's finish the deal. You know, let's let's kind of continue along the same lines. And you know, I say that I met with um I met with Lamar's mom and you know, and they lost three other coaches, his brother as well. So um, you know, just making sure that you know that that that legacy is is that bit that's built and it's sustained. It's not it's never about me, it's always about us. And you know, and he was a part of that, and you know, and I want to be able to continue um to um push you know the game of football and the program and you know in the school forward. Um and it in in doing that, um I can continue to solidify the legacy that um that that those guys that came before me um started. And so um it's not it's not about like my way, it's about you know the Hudson Catholic way and kind of developing it and moving it forward and pressing it forward. And I'm just really, really excited about um the opportunity that that I have, and um it's definitely a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

For sure. Good. You know, it's it's funny because as coaches, and especially I think high school coaches, and even you we come across a lot of coaches who, you know, no different than us. I mean, you're you're tough, you're disciplined, you hold people accountable, you set standards, expectations, a whole deal. Um, there are a lot a lot more coaches than there are not that have a difficult time when you say the word love. And it's funny because I think you're number 79 with with this whole thing in the last year. And of the 79, I would say probably 70 have used that word, um, love. And and I think I think high school coaches, football coaches, a lot of times hear that. And especially if they haven't been doing it for a long time, and they're like, love. Like, you know, we're tough and we're disciplined and we got to make these kids tough and all this kind of stuff. But I know for me, and you talk, you you hit on this earlier about the impact that our coaches have had on us, right? I can remember every single coach, you know, that I'd been around for my entire life that has had that impact. And I don't know if there was anybody better that that really was like showed that ability to love his players and know everything about them and their family than Coach Fry. You know, I mean people don't know that.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Yeah, and and so like the one thing that I don't know about Coach Fry, I don't know if Coach Fry knew a lick about football. He never said anything. We we never talked anything about X's and O's. It was never about that. Um it was it was about all the other stuff. And and so I've never felt so important um to a group of men than I did to the uh the coaches at at Iowa. And that was Coach Elliott, that was Coach Fiduci, that was you know all the coaches that were there. And and so um that was the amazing part of it. And and so like I I think that when you look at like you know, love will is is much stronger than hate. You know, and and so you know, I think you know when people start start talking about how you know hatred makes you do so much, and you look at our country, how how much things stem around hate. Like, but love love is so much tougher to do. Um it's uh but it's a lot stronger. It's a it's a hu it's a it's such a strong bond. And and and that's something that I think that um that can be created. And and I just you know revel in the opportunity to kind of develop that and and push that to the forefront. And and when you talk about equipping young men to handle the necessitudes of life, um, like that's how you do it. You know, if you if you love who you are, you love you know who you work with, you love what you do, like you treat it a certain way. And, you know, and so that's you know, those are some of the things that we try to try to lead with. And um, I think sometimes what gets missing um for in in the coaching profession is is that um I think a lot of times coaches will um kind of fall to the lowest common, you know, the lowest denominator, which would be really like emulating the coach that they had, you know. And so um that's kind of the that's kind of the surface. And you can't coach like someone else, especially nowadays. You can't coach like the coach that you had. Um and and then sometimes you go from there and you, you know, you might want to become the coach that um, you know, maybe the coach that you needed when you were in high school, right? You I didn't need a father figure, you know what I mean? I just needed somebody to teach me and that that I could trust and believe in me and some of those other things. Um and so now like I'm even at a place where like I want to be the kind of coach that I would want my son to have. You know what I mean? And so when you look at it from that point of view, um just continuing to evolve um and can continuing to put kids first, um, put your players first, um, and and make sure that you're you're fully engaged in um the experience. Because like we're sitting here talking and our connection has nothing to do with if we, you know, if we beat Iowa State or not. You know what I mean? And so like that that's not that that was the goal, but um, you know, we don't, we that's not what we talk about when we get together. We talk about, you know, the relationships, the fun times that we had, you know, the sad times that we had. How we how in the heck did we make it through this, you know, um, and you know, just like I wake up sometimes and it smells like two-a-days outside. And and I'm like, I'll go right, I'll go right back to bed. You know what I mean? And and so, so now you create you create these same moments for some of these kids. And I said, look, I gotta make this just as hard um for two of this because they got to get through it um, you know, themselves. They got to figure a way out of it. And so now, you know, when they get to be, you know, my age and life throws them that curveball, they can say, look, this is tough, but it ain't tough as as tough as what Coach Holman put us through, you know, in the middle of August. And so, you know what? I can pick myself up. Um, I I have have responsibilities, um, not only to me, but but to my family, and we're gonna get through this, you know, and and and that's what it's about to me. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

All right, I I want you to give um, because again, sticking on the love thing one last time. So the coaches that have a difficult time understanding how you show players love, or, or what traits or or or specific intentional characteristics that you want to make sure that these kids see in order to trust you and know that that you care about them and you care about the person and the heart and and that you love them. Um I have two words that I always used. So I want to hear you you give us two words that if you were talking to a young coach, say, hey, in order to show them love, you have to be blank and you have to be blank. What are the two things? I only get two things.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Um I would probably say uh trust. I would say trust is is definitely one as as far as you know believe in this in it being a two-way street as far as um them believing in you and and you believing in them. Um I think the the sec and I think the second word um besides trust probably accountability. Um just um, you know, so you know, holding you to a standard um and and kind of believing in um believing in you you're gonna do the job that you say you're gonna do. And and that gets evaluated all the time. You know, so our trust is gonna be tested. You know, the trust that I have in you, the trust that you have in me is gonna be tested a lot. Um so that that's the first thing. And I think, you know, accountability, just um doing what you're supposed to do when you're supposed to do it, um, because you love someone is really, really important. You know, it's not be- I'm not gonna do it because uh I want to or you know, because I have to, but I'm doing it because this is what um I'm committed to doing. And uh and I and I think those things are things that constantly have to be evaluated um along the lines. And I think, you know, you know, there's there's no handbook on it. Um it kind of gets recreated all the time. But when it's all said and done, if you put those things, um put those things in the forefront, I think it kind of ends up. I'm I'm really interested to see what your two things are, though.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

No, mine a little bit different, but I used to always tell when I was a head coach, I'd always tell the coaches, there's two things that that you can't waver on that you have to be all the time in order for them to know that they that you love them and that they can trust you. The first one was be authentic, be who you are. Like you said, regardless of who you try, don't emulate anybody. You do it your way and you be authentic to every single kid. And then the second thing was be 100% transparent. You can be transp you can be transparent with your kids without, you know, it's important that kids know that you're a person, right? I I had a kid in my office the other day that that's best friends with with my girlfriend's son, and they're both seniors, and he's going on to Black Hill State to play. And I had some concerns. So I said, hey, stop, swing by after school, and he sat down. And I guess he went home and he told his mom. He said, Yeah, he said, Coach, just you know, he he really connected with me because he he told me a lot of personal things. And I always felt like that was important with the kids, is there's nothing wrong with sharing your past or sharing your stories, your success, even more importantly, your failures, when you screwed up, little things you did. But just be transparent because you and I both know nowadays with our own kids, but with with the players, that the student athletes, is that they can they can see a fraud a mile away.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

And and I think the other I think the other thing that comes with that is just just clear communication. Because I think sometimes like you're you got to say the right words sometimes. I think that that having that, you know, your your communication has to be um clear and concise. And I think a lot of times, like, you know, that stops a lot. Just being transparent, like you said, um, you know, when when when the kids go home and they don't know, like, why am I not playing? And so they go home and they talk to mom and dad, and listen, my job is to protect my child, you know. And so 100%. Um when when the kid knows, and he say, look, I talked to my coach, and coach says I gotta do these things better, um, or I have to do this at a higher level so that I could be playing. And that that transparency just goes a long way in the game of football. It goes a long way in in everything. And I think that if you can live like that, um, and and you make that one of your your habits, I mean, you're right, man. I'm gonna write that on the whiteboard behind me in a second. Like, but it's something that that I that I definitely um you know think is is is super important too, because um it it allows for growth to take place. If I don't know what the problem is, I can't fix it. And you know, and I think coaching is teaching and and teaching is coaching. And you know, when you when you look at that part, um it's something that that that we have to have in order to get a true evaluation and you know, and and being able to do what you know, what I said before, like just to be accountable. I can't be accountable if I don't know, you know, where I am and where I stand and what I need to do.

unknown 41:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

I I want to ask you um one last kind of a big thing, but before I do that, you said teaching is coaching and coaching is teaching. Quick story, and I've I've told it before. I interviewed for a head job, gosh, 10, 12 years ago, head high school job. Um was in the final, it was between me and another guy, went to final interview, uh, was there with the principal and the AD, and um it was just kind of a one-on-one with those two guys. And it was at night, and the principal, we kind of get through it, and the principal finally, and I wasn't getting a real good feel from him. And he says, Do you see yourself as a teacher first or a coach first? And I looked at him and without hesitation, I said, I consider myself both first. And he said, Well, you can't be both first. You can either be a teacher first or a coach first. I said, No, he said, my philosophy is simple. In order to be a great coach, you must first be a great teacher. And in order to be a great teacher, you have to be a great coach from the standpoint that coaching is just motivating. It's it's instilling belief and it's being able to get people to do more than they think they can do at a higher level than they've ever known. And so I have to have the education knowledge, educational knowledge in order to, and the motivational knowledge and know my kids. And he sat there and he literally got an argument about about it with me. Yeah, I don't believe that. I don't I finally said, well, I I we differ, but that's that's my answer. And so later on that night, a couple hours later, I get a call and got offered the job, and I turned it down. I was gonna say you don't want that job. Turned it down.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

Yeah, I I think you're absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

Everybody thought I was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Yeah, I've been uh I've been I've been an English teacher for 25 years too. And um, I think they're I think they're both equally as important. Um I uh I take the passion into both of them, and that's why I don't think I I would be built to to coach at the next level because I absolutely adore teaching as well. Um and good for you. I think um, you know, Kochiano at at Rutgers and you know, we have a in New Jersey, we have a really good relationship with with that entire staff over there amongst you know some of the other great coaches in in New Jersey. But Coshiano talks about what um the definition of a coach is, um, you know, and and a coach has been built to you know take important people um to To places that they can't really take themselves. And you know, and so that's that's what my job is, you know, as a coach. Um, and and that's what my job is as as a teacher as well. And yeah, and and just like in in the classroom, when um I need to try to get the best out of you, I need to be able to motivate you, I need to be able to push you, but you also need to know that I care about you as well. And you know, that that often is the thing that I I feel like gets lost in the c in the classroom as well, is when you can extend yourself and you know, and and and you you know, you you're able to um you know figure out, you know, all right, that kid might have an issue. Everyone comes into class with a little bit of baggage. And you know what? Tonight your homework, uh Mr. Holman, just wasn't as important as these other things that I had to do. You know, and and so engaging in some of those things, having some real conversations with them. And that's one of the things that I really love about um so teaching in the community that I live in, you know. So I see some of these kids at the grocery store and they're like, oh, Mr. Holman, come to, you know, they you know, one of one of my students works at ShopRite, which is a grocery store here. Um, and you know, and they're like, oh, you love Fruity Pebbles? Yes, I eat fruity pebbles. And you know, so just those kind of conversations that letting you know that, yeah, I'm not a robot, I'm actually a real person. Um, you know, and and some of those things I think go a long way. And so we when you talk about you know being able to captivate them and you need to motivate them, um, and and being able to kind of meet them where they are at that moment, which changes um every single day, you know, as far as being a youth and a and a team, which is, you know, I think is one of the most difficult um places to be on the planet is a teenager right now, you know, with so many things going on, with being pulled in so many different directions. And and I say that like you're not in a in a position where you can um do one thing right now that's gonna be make you successful for the rest of your life, but you're in a position right now where you can you can make one mistake that um you know could put you in a bad you know in a bad place for the rest of your life. And so being able to engage in those things and putting some of those things first and um and care the development of the whole child um on the field, off the field, in the classroom, and you know, actually in the community is something that's really, really important. So um, yeah, man, I'm glad you didn't take that job because that got into what the no, I wouldn't get to take it.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

Last question I have for you, because I think it's something that that again, uh a lot of us have struggled with as head coaches from time to time at the high school level is putting together the right staff. And and just based off everything I've seen on your social media, on the school's social media, all that kind of stuff, you've put together, and I don't know these men, but but I read about them and you've put together a tremendous, high, high character staff, haven't you? How'd you do that?

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Amazing. And and again, it it just comes from the relationships. Uh so if you look at the guys on on my staff, um, I have uh nine guys. Um, you know, one of them who really wasn't a football player even in high school, um, is his name is Willie Stewart, but I had he was in my English class. Him and in fact, he and his wife were both in my English class, my first year teacher. And so um looking at the relationships that I've been able to have with with him, you know, for for over 25 years, um two of my two of the other coaches, my running backs coach and and my linebackers coach, um, were actually uh they were on my they were a part of the teams that I coached. You know, Jonathan Casillas, who went went to Wisconsin and played for the Giants and the Saints and the Patriots, and he won Super Bowls. But I just know him as a kid who, you know, really didn't know much about football. You know, and Jonathan is from Jersey City. And so having him in class, and no, not in class, but having him as a part of my staff and you know, and seeing um, you know, him really being able to take some of the things that we did um, you know, that we were able to develop as far as his development and give it to the next level are you know is great. Um, you know, and then my brother's on my staff, you know, and so having having that guy on my staff again is is is gonna be fun. We you know, we kind of started off my first coaching job together, and neither one of us really knew what we were doing. We kind of figured it out together, and um, and you know, he's an amazing coach in his own right, and he's a he's also a teacher at one of the largest schools in New Jersey, and he's um has one of the he's been one of the best track coaches um in the state of New Jersey every single year, too. So he knows that part. And you know, and and Jamil Jackson, um who was a head coach and um you know was an awesome player at at Rutgers. And and so just going down the line, you know, to you know, getting guys that are from various parts of New Jersey that are that are connected and and um that are high character guys that um really see um football as um as more of a uh I think a a vehicle that can allow kids to to go in places that um they were never able to be able to get to on their own and and being able to to put the kids first and um looking at the some of the experiences that they had and just really let that be at the forefront is cool. Like if you if you really want to have some fun, you need to sit on sit in on some of our um as far as some of our coaching staff meetings. I mean, those things are great. You know, and for and for me, for me, I think it's it's cool too to just um be able to hire staff guys that you would love to hang out with. And and that and that's what it is. I mean, and we we have our staff meetings in it's I mean, sometimes it's full out arguments. And and it's great because at the end of the day, like it's all it is is constructive conflict, right? We we want we want the best for the program, we want the best for the kids, and everyone is is screaming my way. And you know, so when we can kind of, you know, it's really amazing to be able to sit with a group of guys who um just has an immense level of of knowledge and understanding, but also look at like what's really, really important and putting the kids first and coming up with something that is gonna be amazing for them is awesome. So, yeah, man, these guys are are great, and you know, I I I love it. Um, just being able to hang out with them every single day um is gonna be really great. And and I think that's some of the things that separates our program from a lot of the other ones. And I think um that when you can surround yourself with great people, um, you know, it makes it makes for a a great product. And you know, that's something that I know um firsthand, and so that's something I really thought was important when I took over the job was to really get a great group of guys, and I was definitely able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 50:22

Yeah, well, your energy, love, and passion is palpable, truly. It's it's it's it's it's amazing. I I will uh I'll pray for you and your family and and the kids and the coaches and and Hudson Catholic as a whole, so and the community. And uh man, I'm proud of you. Just just keep keep rolling. Keep it, keep it in your heart, keep it close, and just keep doing what you're doing, man. You're you're an inspiration to myself and and and a lot of people that you probably don't even realize. So I appreciate it. That's the impact.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

I really appreciate it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

Yeah, hey, I appreciate you jumping on there, and um we'll we'll be in touch. Just hang on a sec, I'm gonna stop this, but just want to follow up real quick. Okay, Trick. All right, man.

SPEAKER_01 51:05

Yep, appreciate it. All right, okay.